133. Ditch the Old Diet Rules Already!

Midlife is not a mandate to shrink yourself—it’s an invitation to feed the strongest version of you. We dig into why the old rules stop working, how cultural pressure to look “ageless” seeps into our plates, and what a kinder, smarter approach to food can look like day to day. If you’ve been “good” all week yet still feel tired, hungry, and frustrated, this conversation will feel like a deep exhale.

We break down a simple, flexible framework built on four pillars—protein, fiber, healthy fats, and color—and show how to turn that into real-life meals without tracking or perfectionism. Think satisfying breakfasts that steady energy, grain bowls that hit every need, sheet pan dinners that cook themselves, and a frittata that rescues busy days. Along the way, we talk tools and setup—why a sharp knife, trusty sheet pans, a solid skillet, and a blender can change your week—and we make the case for templates over rigid recipes so dinner becomes assembly, not stress.

We also name the baggage: decades of dieting that taught control instead of trust. You didn’t fail at diets; diets failed you. Reconnecting with hunger cues, choosing substantial meals, and welcoming flavor back—fresh herbs, smoked paprika, lemon, and good olive oil—restore joy and calm. And because support matters, we share details about The Nourished Kitchen, our new membership for women ready to stop fighting food and start feeling at home in their kitchens with live cooking classes, recipes, strategies, and a private community.

If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who’s in the same season, and watch for next week’s deep dive on stocking a midlife-friendly pantry. Ready to eat smarter, cook simpler, and feel stronger? Hit play and tell us the one kitchen shift you’ll make this week.

Chapters

• 1:20 Welcome & Membership Announcement
• 4:13 Why Midlife Eating Needs a Reset
• 6:51 Cultural Pressure, Aging, and Food Control
• 11:29 Diet Baggage and Why Diets Fail Us
• 15:33 Building the Midlife Plate: Four Pillars
• 20:52 Cooking Fatigue and Finding Ease
• 24:41 Tools, Templates, and Flavor Play
• 28:47 Inside The Nourished Kitchen Membership
• 32:01 Key Takeaways and Weekly Challenge
• 34:20 Subscribe, Next Week’s Preview, Farewell

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:40

Hey everyone, and welcome back to the Real Food Stories podcast. I am your host, Heather Carey, and I'm so glad you're here with me today. I want to start by saying how excited I am about what is coming up next month. On November 1st, I will be opening the doors to my brand new membership, The Nourished Kitchen, which is a part of the well-nourished woman community. So if you're a part of that community, great. You already can probably see what's going on within there. And if not, I'm going to give details about how to join the well-nourished woman community. So then you can see what is coming up in the next couple of weeks. This is something I have been dreaming about for a long time. A space just for women in midlife who want to feel confident in the kitchen again. Not just talking about hormones and health and everything, which is really important, and which is why I'm keeping the well-nourished woman community for free. But I want to do something very specific to the food and eating and kitchen and loving what you're eating and just getting really clear about what to eat because I think there's so much confusion out there and a real connection to community that actually understands what this stage of life, our midlife and our menopause transition really feels like. So it's not another diet plan, it's not about perfection or pressure. It's about real food, real life, and real women, and how we can make eating and cooking easier, more nourishing, and more joyful, and how to put this into practice into our everyday lives. And here's a little bonus for you. If you join early, and I'm going to have those links, I promise, by next week. If you join early, you will lock in a special founder's price and get access to some exclusive bonuses that I'll only be offering to this first group. After that, the price is going to go up, and you're welcome to join anytime, but the price will go up and you won't get access to my very exclusive bonuses. I'll share more about this later and next week on episodes, but I just have to tell you now because I'm so excited to finally bring this to life. I've literally been dreaming about this for a long time, about what women I think really need at this time of our lives. And the one thing that is constant in every woman's life is the food that we eat. We have to eat and we have to make it count. So I cannot wait for this. All right, so now let's get into today's conversation because this one is at the heart of everything we'll be doing inside of the nourished kitchen. Now, here's the truth. I'm sure you know this. Midlife changes everything. Your body, your hormones, your metabolism, your energy, all of it shifts. And yet so many of us are still trying to eat and cook the way we did when we were younger. We're following old rules, old diets, old patterns, and old expectations that just don't really seem to fit who we are anymore. Do you feel that? Because I definitely feel that too. That what we used to be able to get away with back in our early 40s or 30s, it just doesn't work anymore. And so then it gets really frustrating and very, very confusing. So it's no wonder that we feel stuck at times. Now, maybe you've found yourself wondering why the foods that used to work for you suddenly don't, or why cooking something that used to come more naturally or that you had to do now just feels like a chore. Or why you feel like you're doing all the right things, but nothing seems to change. If that all sounds familiar to you, you're definitely not alone and you're definitely not broken. Now, what's really happening is that your body has evolved, and your kitchen and your meals, and your mindset around food all need to evolve with it. It's time for a new approach, one that nourishes, supports, and really simplifies your life. Because I think we all need simplicity in our lives, right? Especially around what we're going to eat, instead of adding more confusion and rules. So today we're going to talk about what that actually looks like, how to eat and cook in midlife in a way that works for your body and not against it. We'll also talk about letting go of old diet rules and baggage, understanding what your body really needs now, and maybe most importantly, how to make cooking feel simple again, and maybe I'm going to say it even fun. Because this stage of life is not about restriction. It's about reimagining what food can do for you. All right, I want to talk about something that's been on my mind lately, and I know this is a little embarrassing, but has anyone watched The Golden Bachelor recently? You know the Golden Bachelor. It's one man, he's in his 60s with about 25 to 30 women who are all competing for the final, final rows. So if you've ever watched The Bachelor, this is the Golden Bachelor, just with older people. All the women are in their 60s and maybe older, and he is about 65, 66 years old. And I started watching this because I was kind of fascinated. I'm just fascinated with what women are doing right now, how they compete with each other, and and just society's norms about our aging and how we're supposed to look and all of that. So I started watching it thinking it might be refreshing, you know, older adults finding love, maybe something a little more grounded and real than the usual 20-something dating shows on TV. But as I was watching, and I have been watching, something struck me. 25, 30 women, all smart, all accomplished, and all really kind, chasing after one man. And every single one of them looked like they were fighting to hold on to youth, not just emotionally, but physically. The long hair, the tight dresses, the smooth skin, the toned arms, you could feel the pressure in every frame. It just makes me feel a little sad in a way. Because even here, in what's supposed to be a celebration of midlife, the message is still the same. Look younger, be smaller, and be desirable. And that message runs deep. It's everywhere. In our social media feeds, in celebrity wellness routines, in the endless ads for collagen powders and diet detoxes, and the billions of supplements that everyone's trying to sell you. It's the undercurrent that tells women our worth has an expiration date. And here's the thing: it doesn't stop at how we look, it shows up in how we eat and how we cook too. We've internalized so much of that pressure that it's changed how we approach food. Always trying to be good, always trying to stay in control, always trying to eat less, not more. Even when we say we're not dieting, we often still secretly are, just in more subtle ways. We call it clean eating, we say we're being healthy, but if you peel that back, a lot of it is still about control. And it's still about fear, and it's still trying to fix something that was never really broken. And I think that's one of the hardest parts of midlife. Realizing that even after all these years, the pressure to shrink ourselves hasn't gone away. If anything, it's gotten louder. Because now society tells us not only should we look young, but we need to age well. We should be fit, glowing, wrinkle-free. We should look ageless. And truthfully, it's sometimes exhausting. Are you with me? It's a little tiring trying to keep up. And when you live under that kind of pressure, food just becomes more complicated. It stops being about nourishing or enjoyment, and it becomes about rules and guilt and control. So if you've ever felt like you're constantly trying to get back to a version of your body that existed decades ago, or if you ever thought, I'm doing everything right, but nothing's working anymore, I want you to know something. It's not you. The system is broken, the expectations are broken, and your body doesn't need to be fixed. It needs to be fed real, nourishing, good food. And so that's what we're going to start unpacking a little bit more today. So let's talk about the baggage we carry around food. Because whether we realize it or not, most of us have a suitcase full of it. That baggage. For me, it started early. I spent years, decades really in that on-again, off again relationship with dieting. Back when I was a teenager, back when I was in my 20s, you name it, I've probably tried it at some point. I'd lose weight, I'd feel great for a while, then I would slowly gain it back because you can't stick with those diets forever. And then life happens, and the next party would happen, or a million different excuses. Every time that happened, I tell myself I was the problem. I didn't have enough willpower. I must have done something wrong. And I think so many women can relate to that. We've lived through generations of mixed messages about food. One minute we're told to eat less, then to eat clean, then to cut carbs, then to skip breakfast. Every trend promises that this one will be the fix. But what those years of dieting really did was disconnect me from my body, from my hunger, from my joy around food. I stopped trusting myself. I stopped believing that my body knew what it needed. I started seeing food as something to control, not something that could actually support me. And I see this with clients all the time. Women in their 40s, 50s, even 60s who have been carrying that same guilt and confusion for decades, for their entire lives. We say we're done with diets, but the mindset lingers. We still worry about being good or bad. We still feel guilty after eating dessert. We still skip meals to make up for overeating the night before. It's like this invisible weight we carry, one that's heavier than the number on the scale. And then midlife happens. Our hormones start shifting, our metabolism slows a bit, our stress levels rise, and suddenly all those old tricks we used to rely on that we could just sort of skirt by on eating less, cutting carbs, skipping meals, they don't just stop working, they backfire. And because we've been taught that food is something to control, not something to understand, we then blame ourselves again. But here's what I've learned, and I want you to hear loud and clear. You haven't failed at dieting. Dieting has failed you. Okay, we don't fail at diets. The diet industry has failed us and society and what the expectations are for women. And the truth is, diets were never designed for long-term success. They were designed to keep you coming back to make you feel like your body is the problem. So you'll buy another plan, another shake, another detox, another fix. But your body is not broken. You don't need another set of rules. What you need is a reset, a new way of thinking about eating, one that's based on support, nourishment, and trust. Because here's the beautiful part. When you start letting go of the old baggage, the guilt, the confusion, the shoulds, the shouldn't, you make space for something new. You make space for connection. You start to tune back into what your body actually needs. And that's the real work of midlife. Coming home to yourself in a sense, even in your kitchen. So once we start letting go of the old diet baggage and we realize that diets are not going to work and we ditch that old way of thinking, the next question naturally becomes okay, so what do I do now? Right? I'm not going to be on diets anymore, but so tell me what to do. Tell me what to eat. How do I eat in a way that supports this new version of me? Because let's be honest, midlife comes with some real changes, right? Our hormones shift, metabolism slows, our muscle mass starts to decline. We might not feel it overnight, but gradually things just start to change. And this is where so many women get tripped up. We're still trying to eat like we did 20 years ago. Little light salads, skinny is better, skipping meals, making a smoothie, a little smoothie for breakfast, not eating for the rest of the day, and then grazing in the afternoon because you're so hungry. And it's just not enough anymore. It's just not enough. Our bodies are too important. Life is short. Okay, we have to preserve our health. We want to be as healthy and as strong as possible right now. Your body isn't asking you to eat less, it's asking you to eat smarter. So here's the good news. Eating in midlife doesn't have to be complicated. I promise you, it does not have to be complicated. Stop listening to the internet. It does not have to be confusing. It's really about focusing on the foods that support your energy, your hormones, and your metabolism. And I talked about this a couple podcasts ago, and I like, and I'm going to say it again. I like to think of it as building your plate around what your body needs most right now. And there are four main pillars that I talked about in, I'll link it in the show notes, the podcast that I was talking about. But the pillars are protein, fiber, healthy fats, and color. So let's start with protein, because honestly, it's one of the most women in midlife aren't getting enough of. Protein is your metabolism's best friend. It supports your muscles, which are what help you burn calories even when you're resting, and it keeps you fuller longer. Most of us need more than we think. We don't need what's going on on the internet, though. Okay. We do not need 200 grams of protein a day. We just need to make sure we have a really good source of protein at every single meal and ideally at every snack. Okay, a good source. That could be eggs in the morning, chicken or fish at lunch, beans or tofu for dinner. It doesn't matter where it comes from. I think it's perfect to have a mix of plant-based proteins and animal protein, but it doesn't matter. Just get some protein in every meal and snack. All right, then there's fiber, your gut's favorite nutrient. Fiber supports digestion, balances blood sugar, even helps with hormone regulation. Fiber comes from vegetables, fruits, beans. There's that vegetarian protein source, lentils, again, whole grains, the colorful plant-based foods that make you feel full and satisfied. And I'll just keep it at that for right now. Because next up is healthy fats, which I know still makes some women nervous to eat fat because I know I grew up in the fat-free 80s. I'm sure you did as well, or somewhere around there where fat was demonized. And for years we were told to fear fat, but it's absolutely essential, especially in midlife. Fat supports your hormones, it supports your brain and your mood. And perfect examples are olive oil, avocados, nuts, seeds. These are your friends, and you want to include them on your plate. And finally, I wanted to talk about color because food is supposed to be joyful. And when you fill your plate with colorful fruits and vegetables, not only does it look nice, but you're getting a variety of antioxidants, vitamins, minerals, and a little visual pleasure too. Color means that you are getting a variety of different nutrients. Those colors actually mean something. And you are getting nourishment and vitality. Now I don't want you to hear this and think, oh great, here's another checklist, another thing I have to do. I have to make sure I'm looking at my plate and these things are on it. This isn't about following rules. It's about having a flexible framework that helps you feel your best. I like to think of it as building your midlife plate. Not perfect, not restrictive, just supportive. Some days it's simple, some days it's balanced, some days it's not, and that's totally fine and okay. But here's what it might look like in real life. Breakfast could be eggs with some spinach and peppers and a slice of whole grain toast. Lunch might be a grain bowl with quinoa, salmon, roasted vegetables, and a drizzle of olive oil. Dinner could be a lentil soup with a salad and a piece of dark chocolate after. Notice how there are no off-limit foods here. There's just balance, it's just nourishment and satisfaction. And that's the beauty of eating in midlife. When you feed your body what it truly needs, everything starts to work better. Your energy steadies, your digestion improves, your cravings calm down, and that constant mental chatter about food starts to quiet down. It's kind of nice. You stop fighting with your body and you start working with it. And that's what I want for you. Not just another list of food rules or eat this, don't eat that, but a way of eating that feels natural and kind and doable. Because this isn't about perfection. It's about progress. It's about learning what your body needs now and giving it the respect and support it deserves. Okay, so now that we've talked about how to eat in midlife, let's talk about how to actually cook in midlife because that's where most of us get stuck. Because I hear this all the time from women. I'm so tired of cooking, or I've been doing this for decades for my kids, my partner, for everyone else. And now it's just time for me. And I don't even want to think about dinner. I don't care if I have a bowl of cereal. I don't care if I just ordered pizza. I don't care anymore. And I kind of get it. I do, truly. Like cooking fatigue is real. Most of us have been on autopilot in the kitchen for years, making the same five dinners, the same chicken and salad, rushing through meals, or cooking for everyone but ourselves. But here's the thing: midlife is actually the perfect time to redefine your relationship with food and cooking. It's your time to reclaim your kitchen and make it work for you, not against you. And that starts with one big shift. It doesn't have to be hard. You don't need complicated recipes or hours in the kitchen to eat well. You just need a few simple tools, a little planning, a mindset shift from I have to cook to I get to cook for myself and I get to make whatever I want. Not whatever they want, but whatever I want. So let's talk about tools first, because sometimes cooking feels like a chore simply because our kitchens aren't set up to make it easy. If you're still fighting with that knife set that you got as a wedding gift 30 years ago, do yourself a favor and upgrade to some really good knives. Okay, these little things like that can change everything. Also, some other basics. I talked about this on the last podcast, just having sheet pans for roasting, a good skillet, kitchen shears, to uh a blender, a food processor, all of these things make life easier. And we want this to be easy. These aren't indulgences. This isn't some risky investment. This is essentials that make cooking faster, simpler, and actually enjoyable. And when it comes to meals, think foundational meals, not just recipes. And what I mean by that is instead of starting from scratch every single night, like what am I gonna cook for dinner? And it's every night is a different recipe. Build your meals from flexible templates. So for example, a grain bowl. A grain bowl is a grain, a protein, a veggie, and a drizzle of some kind of dollop or drizzle or sauce. A sheet pan dinner is throwing everything on one pan, roasting it, and it's done. You can make a frittata or an egg bake, a lifesaver for breakfast, lunch, dinner, you make a big pan of it, you can have it for a couple of days. A soup or stew, now that we're getting into fall, especially, comforting, easy to reheat, easy to freeze, perfect to make in quantities. So when you start thinking in terms of like templates rather than recipes, very specific recipes, cooking stops feeling rigid and starts feeling creative. So, like that fritata, for example, you could add in a variety of different vegetables. You can mix it up every single week. But if every week you're just gonna make a fritata or make some kind of an egg dish and have it, then you have it for a couple of days. And then you don't have to cook for a couple of days. So you can use what's in your refrigerator. You can play with flavors on these, like on these foundational meals. You'll never have to ask what's for dinner in a panic again. I promise you that. And let's talk about flavor because this is where midlife cooking can actually get fun. I want you to start thinking of experimenting with herbs and spices. Okay, not the herbs and spices that are sitting in your spice cabinet that have been sitting in there since 1999. Okay, let's clean out that cabinet today. Let's try something new. Are you intrigued with smoked paprika? Let's try it. Add a splash of lemon with that, a sprinkle of oregano, a good drizzle of olive oil. These little touches bring life to your food without adding complication. Cooking doesn't have to feel like meal prep. It can feel like play. And that's where herbs and spices come in. And the other piece of this, and it's something I say often, is that cooking for yourself is not selfish. So many women in midlife tell me, I don't bother to cook just for me. But here's the truth: you deserve food that's fresh, nourishing, and made with care, even if it's only for you. Maybe especially if it's only for you. Cooking is one of the most powerful acts of self-care you can do. It's a way to slow down, it's a way to reconnect and to show yourself that you matter. Okay, you're nourishing yourself just like you would nourish your kids. It you matter. And no, it doesn't have to be perfect. I mean, sometimes it can just be a scrambled egg and toast, okay, with some spinach, you know, tossed in there. That's dinner. That's okay. What matters is that you're feeding yourself with intention and with kindness. Because here's another thing: your midlife kitchen does not have to be about effort. It can be about ease. Isn't that a radical concept? When you simplify your tools, your meals, and your mindset, cooking stops being another chore on the list and starts becoming something that supports your life, something that makes you feel grounded and capable and cared for. And that's what I want you to take away here. Cooking in midlife doesn't have to be complicated, it just has to work for you. So everything we've talked about today, learning how to eat for your body now, letting go of old rules, finding ease and creativity in cooking again, this is exactly what we're going to be practicing together inside of the nourish kitchen. This membership is for women who are ready to stop fighting with food and start feeling at home in their kitchens again. It's not about diets or rules or perfect eating. It's about real life and learning how to make nourishing, delicious food feel doable again. Now, inside the nourished kitchen, we'll talk about what to eat in midlife, but we'll also be cooking together. I will be having live cooking classes. You'll get recipes, you'll get strategies and cooking inspiration along with all of the guidance and support to actually put it into practice. Because let's be honest, it's one thing to know what to eat, and it's another to make it happen in your real life. And we'll walk through how to simplify your meals, how to shop, how to gently meal plan if meal planning sounds too daunting, and stocking your pantry so you can open up your cabinets and always be ready to make a meal, and how to bring back flavor and fun to the foods you eat every day. You'll also get access to a private community of women who are on the same exact journey as you because when we share ideas and challenges, we realize that we're not alone. Now, the nourish kitchen is about reclaiming your power around food. It's about nourishing yourself, not punishing yourself. There's no punishment happening in this group. It's about eating in a way that helps you feel strong, energized, and connected in your body, in your kitchen, and in your life. And because this is the very first round of this membership, I'm offering what I said before, a special founder's price for anyone who joins early, plus a few exclusive bonuses that I created just for this first group. So I said this before, the doors open officially on November 1st, and I'll be sharing more details next week. But next week I am going to also offer the opening to the founder's price. So if you've been listening and thinking, yes, this is exactly what I need, then I'd love for you to be part of it and part of the beginning of it. Because here's what I believe midlife isn't a time to play small. Life is short. Life is feeling short to me right now. I mean, not in Like a desperation kind of a way, but it the time is now. And I don't want to waste any more time. This is the time to start like thriving and to get curious and to take care of yourself in ways that actually last. And food is one of the most powerful tools we have for that. It grounds us, it heals us, it connects us to ourselves, to other people, and to the next version of who we're becoming. So if you're ready to ditch the rules, reclaim your joy in the kitchen, and learn how to eat and cook in midlife with more ease and confidence, I really hope you'll join me. Okay, so here is what I want you to take away from today. Midlife is not the time to eat less. It's the time to eat smarter, to cook simpler, and to nourish yourself deeply. Your body has changed, your life has changed, and your kitchen deserves to change with it. You don't need another diet or a list of rules. You need real food, you need real support and a little bit of joy back in the process. Because this stage of life isn't about restriction, it's about renewal. So this week I want to challenge you to make one small shift in your kitchen. Maybe that means upgrading that knife I talked about or reorganizing your spice cabinet and getting rid of anything that's older or expired, trying a new recipe, or simply just sitting down to eat something that you made just for you. Whatever it is, make it something that supports you, not something that adds pressure to your life. And if this conversation resonated with you, I'd love for you to share this episode with a friend who's in the same season of life. You never know how much one conversation can spark change. And if you haven't already, make sure you subscribe to the podcast because next week I am going to get into all the nitty-gritty details of the nourish kitchen. And I'm also going to talk about how to stock your pantry with hormone and midlife-friendly foods. It's the perfect lead-in to the opening of the nourish kitchen where we'll take everything we've talked about for the last couple of weeks and we'll put it into practice together. Until then, remember this: you are not behind. You are not broken, and you are not done. You are in a new season, and your kitchen, your body, and your food can evolve right along with you. So take care of yourself this week. Feed yourself with love, and I'll see you next time on Real Food Stories. Have a great day.