The Difference Between a Casual and a Committed Relationship (220)

In this episode of The Conscious Couples Podcast, hosts Emilia Smith and Alan Lazaros break down the difference between a casual relationship and a committed relationship, and why chemistry alone cannot carry real love. They look at emotional maturity, shared responsibility, low-effort relationship patterns, and the danger of confusing fun with future-building.

This episode is for conscious couples and singles who want clarity on what commitment actually looks like before resentment, imbalance, or avoidance takes over. Press play before charm starts charging interest.

Show notes:
(2:08) Why seriousness changes everything
(5:56) Playfulness needs emotional maturity
(10:32) Are you truly commitment-ready
(15:39) What committed love requires
(21:35) Doing a behavior audit
(27:28) Outro

Episode Reference:
How To Get More Certainty In Your Relationship (216)

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Transcript

Emilia Smith

(0:03) Conscious Couples, business partners, and individuals, welcome to the Conscious Couples podcast where we share our life, love story, and relationship expertise to help you consistently cultivate the most magnificent relationship possible.

Alan Lazaros

(0:18) Never again will you feel hopeless and alone in your intimate relationship challenges. (0:23) We'll help you have the courage to be your authentic self, communicate effectively, and constructively resolve conflict.

Emilia Smith

(0:31) Having accumulated thousands of hours coaching, speaking, podcasting, and hosting live events with Conscious Couples all over the world, Alan and I are here to guide you in all things relationships.

Alan Lazaros

(0:44) Thank you again for tuning into the one place where it's not about you or me, it's about the we. (0:54) Conscious Couples and individuals, welcome back to another episode of the Conscious Couples podcast. (1:00) Today we have episode 220, the difference between a casual and a committed relationship.(1:07) Before we jump into this episode, I want to remind everyone why we are here to improve your intimate relationship from the inside out. (1:15) Sweetheart, ladies first, what is your intention?

Emilia Smith

(1:18) My intention is to help differentiate the key differences that we found through the research and experience between a casual and committed relationship.

Alan Lazaros

(1:29) Okay, so we did a relationship talks virtual event on Zoom last week, last Thursday. (1:37) Thank you. (1:38) Hell of a showing.(1:39) Yeah, that was really nice. (1:40) That was good. (1:41) So for those of you who didn't come, how dare you?

Emilia Smith

(1:44) Missed out.

Alan Lazaros

(1:44) Yeah. (1:45) For those of you who did, thank you. (1:46) Thank you.(1:46) Thank you. (1:47) I'm being playful. (1:47) But so we used Mrs. Doubtfire. (1:51) So this was a film from 1993 and it's a film that I saw as a child on VHS tape and I hadn't seen it in decades, 20 years, something like that.

Alan Lazaros

(2:08) It's hilarious. (2:09) That movie was funny. (2:11) The one scene with the frosting of the cake falling into the tea, you and I were full belly laughs.

Alan Lazaros

(2:19) That was awesome. (2:20) But one of the things that I reprocessed as an adult, because last time I saw it, I was a child, is the villain in the story is the female character. (2:31) So let me set the stage here for a second.(2:32) So it's the son's birthday. (2:34) They have three kids. (2:35) They're married.(2:36) They've been married for 14 years and the son and two daughters get out of school and they go to see their dad and their dad is Robin Williams, RIP. (2:46) And the dad is this really funny, he's like a really loving dad, but he's really funny and fun, but not super serious. (2:57) And the son says, it's my birthday and you know, we can't throw a party.(3:04) Mom said no parties. (3:05) And he's like, well, mom doesn't know, it won't hurt. (3:09) And then there's this scene where the mom gets home, the woman in the relationship gets home and there's zoo animals and there's a scene where they're dancing on the table.(3:19) There's a kid swinging from a chandelier at the event. (3:22) We showed three clips and this is one of the ones you showed, which was just anxiety.

Alan Lazaros

(3:25) Chaos. (3:26) Yeah. (3:26) Absolute fucking chaos.

Alan Lazaros

(3:29) And they get divorced. (3:31) And she said, that's it. (3:33) Enough is enough.(3:34) In the event, Emilia chose three clips, you know, challenges, that kind of thing. (3:38) But Emilia and I wanted to wrap this in a bow and give to the listeners what the takeaway was. (3:43) So a couple of takeaways that I have, first and foremost, to set the stage here.(3:45) Number one, as a kid, I probably thought she was the villain.

Emilia Smith

(3:51) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(3:51) He was just trying to have fun. (3:52) Right?

Emilia Smith

(3:53) Yeah. (3:53) She was the party pooper.

Alan Lazaros

(3:54) And this time I'm 37 years old and I'm going, he's the villain. (3:58) Oh my goodness. (3:58) You irresponsible fuck.(4:00) I'm kidding. (4:01) But seriously, what the hell are we doing with zoo animals in the city, right? (4:05) And so it's interesting how the fun, playful one is your hero when you're a kid.(4:16) But you actually, when you become an adult, you start to respect the more conscientious leader who is taking responsibility. (4:23) And I think that that's a really powerful growth journey. (4:27) And we want to talk about that because that's the difference between a casual relationship and a committed relationship.(4:33) One more thing. (4:33) So in the movie, she says, I used to think Daniel, so Daniel dresses up as Mrs. Doubtfire and they're having a conversation about Daniel and it's Daniel dressed up as an old lady. (4:46) And Daniel, his wife is saying, I used to think Daniel could do anything.(4:51) And he smiles, except be serious. (4:54) And then he's like, oh shit. (4:56) So that's the real reason why you divorced me is because I'm an emotionally stunted, immature child.

Emilia Smith

(5:01) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(5:02) And that's what I want to talk about today is maybe the villain isn't the villain. (5:08) Ooh. (5:10) Yeah.

Emilia Smith

(5:11) I had the same experience. (5:13) So when I watched that film growing up, she was the party pooper, but I had this kind of intuitive pull that there was logic and reason underneath why she was a party pooper. (5:23) Yeah.(5:24) So I'm with you in terms of when we are younger, what is fun is great for the moment. (5:30) However, it does nothing for our future. (5:32) And if you really think about that film, what the mom and what ultimately Mrs. Doubtfire was doing was making sure that the kids were set up for success for the future. (5:42) So better grades, they're doing better in every area of their life. (5:46) And that was because there was a emotionally mature, wise presence in the household that was responsible, predictable, and really sweet. (5:56) And so the difference between a casual, uncommitted relationship, it starts in a very simple manner where there is levity and playfulness and all couples want to have a degree of playfulness.(6:10) I mean, that's a very common language throughout couples. (6:13) And that's one thing if you go to like a couple's therapist or whatnot, they'll emphasize how important it is to have a degree of playfulness. (6:19) And you and I have even talked about that in this show of like whenever there isn't singing in our household or a degree of playfulness in the week.

Alan Lazaros

(6:26) It means suppression.

Emilia Smith

(6:26) It means that something's off. (6:28) Exactly.

Alan Lazaros

(6:28) However, however, life is a serious game. (6:32) And I told you this on the way to the gym earlier, I think there's three areas we all have to master in life, personal development, professional development, and social development. (6:42) Social development is interacting with other people, being playful and humorous, communicating effectively.(6:49) Personal development is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. (6:51) That's the inner game. (6:52) Developing yourself.(6:53) And then professional development is conscientiousness, skills, resume, cover letter, job interview stuff. (7:01) She represents the professional development archetype. (7:04) He represents the social development.(7:05) And I remember when I was in my early 20s, I met a woman named Courtney, and we met right after college. (7:13) She had a big group of friends. (7:14) I had a big group of friends.(7:15) We partied together. (7:16) We had a blast. (7:17) And I got really serious really quickly after my car accident at 26.(7:22) And I don't think she really liked how serious things got because she still wanted to party with they called it the dupe girls. (7:30) And I didn't really want to party anymore. (7:33) I was like done with that phase.(7:34) I was outgrowing a lot of that. (7:37) And I'm all for having fun, but I quit drinking and I no longer wanted to go out to bars or any of that stuff.

Emilia Smith

(7:44) You mean you emotionally matured as a man?

Alan Lazaros

(7:47) Yeah, well, exactly. (7:50) Right.

Emilia Smith

(7:51) Which is what, and I'm just sharing that for anyone listening, like, that's what Robin Williams' character didn't do. (7:58) He didn't emotionally mature or develop or really take all those different buckets and actually get serious about developing them. (8:04) I mean, there was different jobs that essentially he took for granted, and he wasn't a responsible human approaching them.(8:11) He didn't have a career.

Alan Lazaros

(8:12) Not at all. (8:13) He didn't really have a career. (8:14) And then Pierce Brosnan's character comes in, James Bond, because Pierce Brosnan was James Bond back then.(8:20) And he's like this studly, wealthy, London accent, the whole nine, has everything. (8:28) And so he's the opposite of, and it's a really funny film. (8:32) If you haven't watched it in a long time, I highly recommend it.(8:35) I never told you this, but I was going on dates with a woman in my mid-twenties. (8:44) And she said, I'm not ready to be with someone like you. (8:47) And I remember being like, what do you mean?(8:49) She's like, you really have your shit together. (8:51) Because at that point I was making almost 200 grand a year. (8:54) I had a whole career and a resume.(8:56) I didn't realize, and again, I don't want to make this about me, but I need this to be clear. (9:00) I didn't realize how much I overdid the professional development. (9:03) And not overdid, because I think it's important.(9:06) But when I met Kev, he's like, dude, I don't think I even know anyone with a LinkedIn. (9:10) I was like, brother, brother. (9:13) He said this to me, I kid you not, Kev, I know if you're listening, it is what it is.(9:16) He said, I don't think I've ever even met an engineer. (9:20) Are you fucking kidding me? (9:21) I know hundreds of engineers, but I didn't realize that he's from a different world where that sort of corporate engineering setting, Cognex, was all engineers.(9:31) But anyways, back to the point.

Emilia Smith

(9:32) Well, I want to tie this in, the engineers would be villainized in a circle like that because everyone's taking life day by day, no one's taking it seriously. (9:41) There's no dance between playfulness and actually long-term strategic thinking. (9:45) And so a group like that would villainize an engineer because they're taking life too seriously.(9:50) They're too tight ass for whatever. (9:51) Like I've heard that a thousand times too. (9:53) I've been around the block in terms of that aspect.(9:56) I've had a similar situation when I was dating as well. (9:59) And it's a compliment, but it's also really important to understand that there are different people that play the game differently, that actually do get their shit together, that make sure that they're preparing for a committed relationship because that's what they want. (10:16) And then there are people who are casually just going with the flow and experimenting and experience focused and not focused on a bigger, brighter future either right then or never.(10:30) And that's really important to understand. (10:32) Which one are you? (10:33) Are you the committed person that is going in there looking for another committed individual?(10:37) Because you and I have a Relationship Talks client that came into the fold recently who she's very committed and she's very focused on the future of a committed relationship, but the person that she got involved with wants it to be fun, wants more casual, casual and fun. (10:55) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(10:55) So when I first met you, you went to Providence College, you had a 3.92 GPA. (11:02) I remember all that. (11:04) I don't want to date a child.(11:05) I want to date someone who, and be with someone and build a life with someone who's taking life very fucking seriously. (11:14) We don't get a second chance at this thing.

Emilia Smith

(11:17) This story comes to my mind with a group project I remember. (11:22) I was villainized. (11:24) Because you're the only one that had standards.

Alan Lazaros

(11:28) Remember Divergent? (11:29) It was like, okay stiff. (11:30) It's like, oh, cause I actually take life seriously.

Emilia Smith

(11:33) And I was in a group project where I remember it was so much better to be a cool kid in group projects than it was to actually take it seriously. (11:41) And I remember someone asking me, like, why is this so important to you? (11:47) It's like, my brain's like...

Emilia Smith

(11:49) And also why is it important to you?

Emilia Smith

(11:51) I said, well, while you guys are doing what you're doing here and now as like a, oh, we'll get another shot in the future. (11:58) Like I'm playing a very different game. (12:00) I'm playing like an Olympian where this is my practice.(12:03) The future world is out there for us and is going to eat us alive if we're not practicing now and taking this game seriously. (12:11) So there's people in the game of relationships that are literally in a totally different wavelength, vibration mindset and not taking it seriously. (12:21) Isn't it?(12:21) Don't girls call that an F boy?

Alan Lazaros

(12:23) Yeah. (12:24) Yeah. (12:24) Okay.(12:24) So an F boy means someone who's like effing off and partying and not taking their life.

Emilia Smith

(12:30) They don't have a resume for a night, but you're not interested in him at all for a longterm. (12:35) Okay. (12:35) Okay.(12:36) So, so same thing. (12:37) There's the same thing. (12:38) F girls, you know?

Alan Lazaros

(12:40) Yeah. (12:40) Yeah. (12:40) Yeah.(12:40) Right. (12:41) And you, you batches like you, you've done funny shit with that. (12:44) And so let's have this conversations.(12:47) You and I, I just want to share this. (12:49) So just because you're, you're taking life seriously does not mean you're not fun. (12:59) A hundred percent.(13:00) I have a blast with you behind the scenes. (13:02) Like you wouldn't believe. (13:04) And, and you're supposed to build a career and a future.(13:11) You don't have to do anything, but we did a episode probably three or four ago where we used Little Prince and the second of the minute, the minute of the hour, the hour of the day, the day of the week, the week of the year, the year of the quarter or the year of the decade.

Emilia Smith

(13:25) It's over swinging in terms of a level of serious to some people, but to other people who are very serious and dialed the hell in. (13:32) Yeah. (13:33) That's actually like something that would warrant respect.

Alan Lazaros

(13:37) Yep. (13:37) So in Mrs. Doubtfire, she is the conscientious, professionally developed adult who earns the income and builds the family and make sure their homework is done on time. (13:46) And he is the fun, playful one.(13:50) My first takeaway for all the listeners is you can be both, but the order matters. (13:54) Syntax matters. (13:55) See, Emilia is serious first, playful second.(13:59) I am serious first, playful second. (14:02) I have been in relationships in the past where I remember thinking like, and I don't want to say a relationship because we were just dating, but I remember sizing her up and looking at her future. (14:12) I don't know if you even know who I'm talking about.(14:14) I honestly don't think you do because I didn't end up dating her long-term, but I remember thinking like, no, you aren't even building anything yet. (14:24) And people would say, oh, that's so judgy. (14:27) Yo.

Emilia Smith

(14:27) Well, there's a credit score history and that ends up impacting your future ability to do anything in this world. (14:36) And that's just one example. (14:38) You guys are tying your decisions and every decision that you make has an impact on each other.(14:42) And I think that anyone that wants to pretend otherwise, you're just ignorant.

Alan Lazaros

(14:46) Yeah. (14:46) And you and I are going to get villainized in this episode. (14:48) That's okay.(14:48) If you don't want to achieve your goals and dreams, you don't have to listen to a word we're saying, but nobody wants a 55 year old man child, right? (14:58) I mean, seriously. (14:59) So life's coming for you and it's coming quick.(15:02) So build now. (15:04) I remember when I turned 30, I decided I will never play a short-term game again on anything. (15:10) And I have a new client that's about to onboard potentially.(15:14) And I'm going to tell him straight up. (15:16) I said, if you aren't trying to play a long game and you don't really want to invest in this, I'm not even interested. (15:22) And the same goes for anyone in relationship talks, coaching, like conscious couples, podcasts, relationship talks, events, and relationship talks, coaching.(15:29) We take this work very seriously. (15:31) We're playful. (15:32) We make jokes, but like 10 out of 10 commitment from the get, we haven't missed an event in 59 events.(15:39) Our 59th event is coming up. (15:40) So you want to know the difference between a casual and committed relationship is one of them is taken very seriously. (15:48) It's a different tone.(15:49) It's a different level of tenacity and commitment. (15:51) It's a different level of seriousness. (15:54) And if you get in a tiff or have a challenging moment, it's taken seriously.(16:01) If you say, hey, I'm not really liking the way this is going, I'm going to take that seriously versus, oh, she's just nagging. (16:07) Like that's horseshit. (16:10) And I just want to encourage everyone.(16:12) I think the world is alarmingly more on the fun, playful end and needs more seriousness, particularly in the 21st century, because a lot of people are experiencing a lot of abundance that was created from past generations. (16:25) Whereas the generation ahead of the millennials had to build a lot of that themselves and or baby boomers. (16:30) So at the end of the day, what is the takeaway for me?(16:33) It's figure out where you are on this. (16:36) Are you professional development first and conscientiousness first and serious first and then playful second, or are you playful first, seriousness second, and then size this up for your partner as well, because most likely you and I are very rare in both being serious first, playful second. (16:54) From what I've seen in the couples that we've coached, there's always one partner who is way more fun and funny and another partner who is kind of like the pain in the ass.

Emilia Smith

(17:05) And to that, what I also have seen in, which is why we chose Mrs. Doubtfire as the exemplary movie for this is, is the Miranda, who's the character of the mom that gets villainized. (17:22) She had a moment when they were having tea. (17:24) This was in the second clip that we showed at the relationship talks event where she said, you know, Daniel wasn't serious.(17:31) She was talking about that. (17:32) And she's like, but I, let's be real. (17:34) I was seriousness for all of us.(17:36) And she sipped our tea kind of in that, like, she got pushed into an overdevelopment of seriousness at the expense of her playfulness. (17:43) And you even hear her kids observing that like mom's not happy anymore. (17:48) We never hear her laugh.(17:50) And so the kids are sensitive to this. (17:52) So a casual relationship will be okay with someone else getting pushed into a corner of having to develop and overdevelop their level of seriousness, their level of necessity, their long-term strategic thinking. (18:04) They're going to be okay with that.

Alan Lazaros

(18:05) Well, imagine I started going to the bar, hanging out with my boys, getting in Final Fantasy leagues, going to play flag football on the weekends and, you know, fluffing off work and sloughing off the gym and not taking my health seriously. (18:22) All of a sudden, Emilia would have to take responsibility for everything.

Emilia Smith

(18:25) I would say have a blast.

Alan Lazaros

(18:26) No, no, no. (18:27) Real quick. (18:27) No, you wouldn't.(18:28) And I'm going to go do my own thing. (18:29) Exactly. (18:30) Okay.(18:30) So, but let's have this conversation real quick. (18:33) Let's have this conversation. (18:33) So imagine I did that.(18:36) You would feel like you either have to leave me or that you have to take all the responsibility for the future. (18:42) As a CEO of my company, we have a 24 person team. (18:46) I've sat down with Kev and said, brother, I need you to also take some responsibility because I'm, as the CEO, it's ultimately my responsibility to make sure I'm the bad cop.(18:59) I'm, I'm the villain. (19:00) I'm the pain in the ass. (19:01) I'm the, hey, you know, Deadlines, we got to do actual work in order to actually achieve anything.(19:08) Exactly. (19:09) And so I know a lot of women out there, they feel like they're taking on the cognitive load to compensate for their own, uh, partners, Robin Williams, quote unquote. (19:18) So, so, because I think a lot of men think it's like, I don't know.(19:22) I think it's a good thing to be like playful and funny all the time and to be one of the boys. (19:27) And maybe that's cool with the boys, but I wonder if they know the downside in their relationship, because if you're, if you're female, if your female counterpart has to take on all the structure and masculine energy and become the nag, I think that happens. (19:41) Like the guy rarely sits there and goes, Oh, she's nagging me because I'm a man child.(19:48) No, but if he did, he'd be much better off because Robin Williams transforms in this movie and is suddenly has the necessity and the goals to see his kids. (19:56) And all of a sudden he cooks and he cleans and he's responsible and he tucks in his shirt. (20:00) And he's, I think that that's just such a traditional path where man meets woman, woman falls in love with playful, fun, funny man.(20:10) And then, and then realizes this is a terrible idea. (20:13) The man, the woman leaves the man because he didn't, didn't grow up. (20:17) Then the man grows up and actually takes on responsibility.(20:20) And again, obviously it's not always men and women. (20:22) Sometimes it's men and men, sometimes it's women and women, but in every relationship, there is someone who's more professional and someone who's more fun always. (20:32) And, and I think that it's important to identify which.

Emilia Smith

(20:35) I'm with you. (20:36) To that end, I want to link this to what people might be seeing around their social media. (20:42) This is being identified as a low effort relationship when someone is emotionally mature and therefore not putting in more effort, quote unquote.(20:51) So that's the modern term where if you're in a low effort relationship, that means you're taking on more cognitive load. (21:00) You're likely the more emotionally mature person, and you are struggling to feel appreciated by your partner. (21:07) And the reason is because you're ready for commitment and your partner's wanting casual relationships.

Alan Lazaros

(21:12) Well, we used to talk about the three phases, the infatuation stage, the power struggle stage, and then the commitment stage. (21:22) And I think that it depends on your age, but it depends on your level of maturity and what you really want. (21:29) I think that everyone needs to identify for themselves which stage they're in.(21:33) And then what would you recommend?

Emilia Smith

(21:35) What I would recommend is, is doing a behavior audit. (21:38) Is, is your, or are your behaviors matching in alignment with what you want? (21:42) So for example, if I wanted a committed relationship and I didn't want anything casual, I would be approaching a date very differently than I would in any other interaction.(21:56) I would be very strategic with where I spent my time and energy and the conversations that I would have. (22:00) And the conversations, more importantly, I would reserve when immediately I clocked that someone is just interested in casual.

Alan Lazaros

(22:06) Are you looking for a fun partner or are you looking for a life partner? (22:11) Life partner.

Emilia Smith

(22:11) Yeah, exactly.

Alan Lazaros

(22:12) And I think that honestly, when I was in my early twenties, I wasn't looking for a life partner necessarily. (22:20) Sure. (22:20) And I think unconsciously, I figured I would just be the conscientious one.(22:25) And I didn't realize until later on that that was a terrible idea because I was in a relationship with someone who was still in that party phase, you know, rooftop bars and all. (22:35) And I was done with that. (22:36) Like I did enough of that.(22:37) I was so done. (22:38) I and I remember being like, I don't share this. (22:43) She was partying and she was like playing Beirut at one a.m. with a couple of guys and all this stuff. (22:50) And she didn't think I was that fun because I was so goal oriented. (22:53) And I literally told her this. (22:54) I said, I would love to see you date those guys and realize what they're really like, because you're going to see the underbelly of that.(23:02) That's going to be terrible. (23:03) Can you imagine trying to build a life with these fucking idiots? (23:05) Like, and I know I sound mean, but it's important to understand, to like, acknowledge this called accurate.(23:12) It's called like, listen, they're in their early 20s. (23:16) They're playing Beirut at 2 a.m.. (23:17) That's great.(23:17) That's great. (23:19) You're 31. (23:20) Right.(23:21) And at the time, I think she was 29. (23:23) But you need to take life seriously. (23:27) And I think that when you're when you're in your teens, when you're a kid, nothing serious.(23:32) It's awesome. (23:33) Life is good. (23:34) Cool.(23:34) Teens, a little more serious. (23:35) Early 20s, a little more serious. (23:38) Now it's college.(23:39) All right. (23:39) The way I see it is preschool, kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, corporate, it gets more serious. (23:45) And then entrepreneurship is even more serious because you are screwed if you don't take that seriously.(23:49) And so I'm 37, you're 31. (23:53) If you're out there watching or listening, how seriously do you take life? (23:57) Alan version 3.7 takes life much more seriously than Alan version 2.7 and much more seriously than Alan version 1.7. But at the end of the day, it's a serious game and you got to play the long game.

Emilia Smith

(24:07) Yeah. (24:08) And I find people who want just a casual relationship. (24:13) They eventually wake up to the fact that it is not actually what they want long term.(24:18) What they have wanted long term is commitment, but that's actually what they fear. (24:22) So it's a whole nother episode, a whole nother conversation. (24:25) And more often than not, getting someone that is serious in your corner is going to help you either attract or deepen that commitment in the relationship that you do want for those who are serious thinkers who do also want to make sure playfulness is a part of the equation.(24:40) What do you think where conscious couples are?

Alan Lazaros

(24:42) I know we got to jump. (24:43) So what do you think people, women fall for? (24:47) And I'll do one for men and we'll get out of here.(24:49) Fall for? (24:50) Yeah. (24:50) Like, um, give me an example of something that's really attractive in a man at first that eventually becomes terrible.(25:00) So she really loved his sense of humor.

Emilia Smith

(25:03) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(25:03) But she eventually realized he can't take anything seriously.

Emilia Smith

(25:07) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(25:07) And with women, it's one of the things that I think is, is we often fall for is, uh, she loves really nice places and it's like, oh, you have this standard of living that you can't personally afford. (25:27) So now I'm going to have to take on the financial responsibility to keep that affordability because reality TV shows like hot air balloons as a first date over it, overlooking Italy and that kind of thing. (25:38) So like one thing that I thought in the past was like, uh, a green flag that actually is a red flag.(25:43) I know we got to go is she would watch the bachelorette and she'd watch these reality TV shows. (25:49) And later on I realized, oh, she wants that to be her life. (25:55) And that's not real.(25:57) And I didn't realize that you're like turning 30 and you're still watching this stuff. (26:02) Um, that's just fantasy and not real. (26:04) So that was one for me.

Emilia Smith

(26:05) Yeah. (26:05) That's where I would love to do an episode about your, how your influences impact your level of casualness or commitment, because ultimately if you have time to watch a show, you also have time to build a life that is like that.

Alan Lazaros

(26:18) Nice.

Emilia Smith

(26:18) Uh, so anyhow, with that being said, I love this episode. (26:22) I thought it was really important to talk about. (26:24) You didn't give us one for men.(26:25) You actually named it in the sense of humor. (26:28) Okay. (26:28) So the sense of humor is really endearing at first.(26:31) I would actually like put it in charisma. (26:33) Like the charisma is really nice. (26:34) But then when you realize like that's actually an overcompensation for a deep insecurity that there's never a moment or like just accuracy, truth.(26:46) Like, yeah, that it's like, okay, you can be charismatic all you want, but like you can't have a serious conversation with me at all. (26:52) Yeah. (26:53) It's like, uh, fresh paint over rotten wood.

Emilia Smith

(26:56) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(26:57) Okay. (26:57) We got to get out of here. (26:59) So how casual or committed is your relationship?(27:02) What are you going to do about it? (27:03) That's up to you. (27:04) Uh, we have a relationship talks virtual event, co-creating deep emotional intimacy in your relationship, which is definitely on par.(27:11) If you do feel like your relationship is a little too casual and not committed, co-creating deep emotional intimacy in your relationship. (27:17) We also have relationship talks, coaching, anything you want to add before we go.

Emilia Smith

(27:21) One of my favorite things that we do and the ROI is insane. (27:25) That's all I'll say.

Alan Lazaros

(27:26) Love it. (27:27) Thank you all so much. (27:27) We'll talk to you next time.(27:28) And as always, it's not about you or me. (27:30) It's about the wee.

Emilia Smith

(27:32) Bye everyone. (27:34) Thanks for joining us for another episode of the conscious couples podcast. (27:38) We love connecting with the conscious couples community.(27:41) So please check the show notes to connect with us and say hello on social media.

Alan Lazaros

(27:46) If you and your partner resonated with this episode, please leave us a five-star review at the link in the show notes and share this with someone you love until next time. (27:56) It's not about you or me. (27:57) It's about the wee.(27:59) We'll talk to you next time.