Does Your Partner Struggle to Apologize? (231)

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What if one sincere apology could help your relationship feel safer, closer, and stronger? In this episode, Emilia and Alan discuss why heartfelt apologies are vital for trust, repair, and healthy communication. They explain why some people become defensive or shut down when they are asked to take ownership, and how shame, past experiences, and nervous system stress can make saying sorry feel so hard.

You will also learn why both partners need to take responsibility for their part, how to begin with a small apology, and what real repair looks like after conflict. Whether you are in a relationship or preparing for one, this conversation offers practical guidance for building emotional safety and creating a healthier “we.”

Show notes:
(2:15) Why sincere apologies rebuild trust
(7:31) Ownership helps couples grow together
(11:09) Why nervous systems block apologies
(16:17) Start with a small apology
(18:50) Steps for a sincere apology
(19:35) How shame causes defensiveness
(23:07) Build stronger relationships through repair
(25:40) Outro

The We Dictionary:

• Relationship Talk Coaching - Coaching services mentioned to guide couples in developing "Emotional literacy" and practical "Relationship skills."
• Responsibility - A core principle emphasized in the podcast, especially in challenging narratives around "Emotional labor" and ensuring "shared responsibility."
• Conscious Parenting / Caregiving - Sharing the responsibility of caring for, developing & nurturing pets, children, or dependents with intention.

Digital Asset:
The Art of Apology - https://drive.google.com/file/d/11BB1YVvTpJJoFLMLsxAuOHU4Eu32e8n8/view

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Alan Lazaros: @alazaros88

*Email:* 💬
alan@theweuniversity.com
emilia@theweuniversity.com

Learn more about The Conscious Couples: http://www.theweuniversity.com.

Thanks for joining us for another episode of The Conscious Couples Podcast. We love connecting with the Conscious Couples community, so please make sure you follow us on Instagram. If you enjoyed this episode and would like to hear more, it would mean the world if you subscribed, left us a review, and shared this with someone you love and care about. Until next time, remember, it’s not about you or me; it’s about The We!

Transcript

Emilia Smith

(0:03) Conscious Couples, business partners, and individuals, welcome to the Conscious Couples podcast where we share our life, love story, and relationship expertise to help you consistently cultivate the most magnificent relationship possible.

Alan Lazaros

(0:18) Never again will you feel hopeless and alone in your intimate relationship challenges. (0:23) We'll help you have the courage to be your authentic self, communicate effectively, and constructively resolve conflict.

Emilia Smith

(0:31) Having accumulated thousands of hours coaching, speaking, podcasting, and hosting live events with Conscious Couples all over the world, Alan and I are here to guide you in all things relationships.

Alan Lazaros

(0:44) Thank you again for tuning into the one place where it's not about you or me, it's about the we. (0:55) Conscious Couples and individuals, welcome back to another episode of the Conscious Couples podcast. (1:01) Today we have episode 231, Does Your Partner Struggle to Apologize?(1:07) Before we jump into this episode, I want to remind everyone two things. (1:10) Number one, we are turning over a new leaf at the Conscious Couples podcast. (1:13) It's going to have a different look, different feel, very exciting.(1:17) We leave it to you to figure out what's different.

Emilia Smith

(1:20) Get it?

Alan Lazaros

(1:20) Leaf it to you.

Emilia Smith

(1:22) Turning over a new leaf.

Alan Lazaros

(1:24) Whoa. (1:26) Excellent work. (1:27) It's actually a comedy podcast now.(1:29) So I want to remind everyone why we're here to improve your intimate relationship from the inside out. (1:36) Sweetheart, ladies first, what's your intention?

Emilia Smith

(1:39) My intention for today's episode is to help our listeners and their partners who aren't necessarily listeners yet to do better at apologizing and to improve the skill, the art and the science of apology.

Alan Lazaros

(1:56) All right. (1:57) So Emilia has a amazing digital asset that she has created about how to apologize. (2:05) And we each have come with a discussion question, which I love.(2:09) This is kind of how I run book club. (2:12) One big idea and discussion questions. (2:15) So my question for you that I've come with, why does a sincere apology matter so much?(2:23) And I do want both of us to give our take on that because we've been coaching couples now for six years. (2:29) We've been a couple now for coming up on seven years in October. (2:36) So why do apologies matter so much?(2:39) And also since I met you, I feel like we have always kind of maybe even jumped to apology too quick at times, you know, not in a bad way, but yeah, I don't think apologies was ever an issue for us because go us now, but why is it so important to have a sincere apology? (2:57) And I want everyone to prime their mind with this too before we answer. (3:02) All of us knows what it feels like to get an apology that's not sincere.(3:07) So the key word in my question is sincere apology.

Emilia Smith

(3:11) Yeah. (3:12) You know, I was on a, I was on a call recently with a client. (3:16) I was trying to think, was it an RTC Relationship Talks Coaching client call or was it on an EVC Evolved Ventures Coaching client call?(3:25) And I think it was an EVC call, but that person ended up becoming an RTC Client Relationship Talks Coaching client. (3:32) And prior to that, I had asked her, the female in the relationship, I had said, so tell me a little bit about your relationship. (3:41) Do you and your partner, you know, do you guys, when you do have conflict, because every relationship has conflict.(3:47) When you guys do have conflict or when you fight, I think was the word that I used was, do you guys, you know, how quickly do you return to apology? (3:55) How quickly do you repair? (3:57) And she just looked at me and she was like, we don't apologize.(4:02) And I was like, whoa, immediately right there. (4:06) There was a huge red flag because in the work that we've done with couples, with so many (4:11) different types of couples, different generations of couples, one thing that is evident is to (4:18) your question, to be able to repair a relationship after conflict is a skill, but to be able (4:26) to do so in a way that can apologize and have sincerity be at the heart of your apology, (4:31) that helps repair happen so much more effectively, so much faster and rebuilds the trust that (4:37) when you have a conflict or when you have a fight, pretty much unweaves the relationship.

Alan Lazaros

(4:44) Have you ever been in a, I was in a relationship once that there were no apologies.

Emilia Smith

(4:49) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(4:50) And I didn't realize it at the time, which is why I'm so glad we're doing this episode, because the new leaf that we're turning over on this podcast is we both have to believe. (5:00) I just pictured us putting our hands together in the center. (5:02) I have little short arms.(5:03) We both have to believe. (5:05) No, if you're not, if you're not on YouTube, we've, we've done the, I don't even know what you'd call that. (5:15) Stacked fists.(5:15) Stacked fists. (5:16) On another. (5:17) Of one another.(5:18) On like a staff picture. (5:19) You know it. (5:20) All right.(5:20) So, wow. (5:21) We're doing a great job. (5:22) No, but real quick.

Emilia Smith

(5:25) I just pictured our staff coming from the woods.

Alan Lazaros

(5:27) Now we're going to have one. (5:30) We're going to put our hands on it and chant. (5:33) No, but what we are going to do, sweetheart, seriously, is we've decided in advance that we need to both believe that this topic is really important.

Emilia Smith

(5:41) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(5:41) And I believe this topic is really important, regardless of whether or not anyone else does, basically. (5:46) But here's my point. (5:47) I didn't know at the time that I was in a relationship where I was the only one who apologized.(5:52) And in hindsight, that's very clear. (5:54) And that relationship sucked, honestly. (5:57) And the other thing that I would say before I kick it back to you is at NLU, when we talk about success every day, we do an episode every day, and I always say, you know, what character traits would you bet on?(6:10) Like if you got to have, you know, 10% of the success of an individual, who would you bet on and why? (6:18) That's a great question. (6:20) And I was thinking to myself, when you said that that couple doesn't apologize, I would not bet on them.(6:28) I just wouldn't. (6:30) And I know you might be listening. (6:31) I know you might be listening.(6:32) I could never bet on a couple that doesn't have both partners who are capable of sincere apology. (6:41) Thoughts?

Emilia Smith

(6:42) I want to go deeper in that question, because I want to understand, like, why would you not bet on that? (6:47) Because of what I said. (6:49) And then I want to kind of hear your answer of why does a sincere apology matter so much?(6:54) Because what I said about how sweeping it underneath the rug and not apologizing, like, trust is at the center point of that. (7:03) And essentially, if I could paraphrase, like, what you're saying is that someone who is unwilling to apologize and sincerely apologize or is incapable, let's say they don't have the skill, give them the benefit of the doubt. (7:15) Why is it that you wouldn't bet on them?(7:19) You cannot.

Alan Lazaros

(7:21) Because I think I would. (7:22) I share that. (7:23) I know you do.(7:24) I knew you would, because it's obvious when you look at it from a high level. (7:31) Number one would be you can't really improve as a team, because if there's no apology and ownership happening, if there's no apology happening, it means there's no external ownership happening. (7:43) And if there's no external ownership happening, one of the partners is going to have to just like, and this happened to me in the past where it was like, I just kept getting better.(7:51) And I didn't realize this, and I want to share this. (7:55) I took all the ownership because I had a growth mindset and I wanted all the growth. (8:02) And the person who wants the growth, like, ownership is the best thing ever for growth.(8:07) Because if I take ownership and then responsibility and I apologize, now I can go work on it. (8:12) Whereas if I tell myself a story that I'm fucking perfect, then that's not only wildly unintelligent, but also I have, why would someone work on something they already think is great?

Emilia Smith

(8:24) They wouldn't.

Alan Lazaros

(8:24) They wouldn't. (8:25) And so that's what I would say is the relationship will stagnate and be wildly frustrating for the partner that has a growth mindset. (8:33) For sure.

Emilia Smith

(8:33) And who is willing to sincerely apologize. (8:36) And so if you kind of bring that to answer your question, why does a sincere apology matter so much? (8:44) Would you say that it is because of the fact that that brings the ability to build?(8:49) Adapt and improve. (8:49) Build, trust, adapt and improve and do things differently in the future.

Alan Lazaros

(8:54) Trust allows you to adapt and improve. (8:57) And if a couple isn't getting better, then that means they are. (9:00) Well, the other piece of this too, is let's say one partner can apologize and the other partner doesn't.(9:06) That means one of the partners is always taking on all the responsibility and therefore all the growth. (9:13) Is that how you felt in that relationship? (9:14) Definitely.(9:15) And I outgrew her and I left her eventually. (9:18) And I brought all the stuff I learned into our relationship. (9:22) So it's like, I remember thinking this when I first met you.(9:24) I was like, hell yeah. (9:26) All that horrible two years, two and a half years, paid off because I got better every time. (9:32) I remember I was taking relationship seminars on the weekend, taking notes, I was reading books and she wasn't doing anything like that.(9:42) And in hindsight, I'm grateful that I was the one who always worked on it. (9:46) Same. (9:47) And eventually I realized that I'm the only one working on it, so I should probably leave.(9:50) Which I did. (9:51) And the best decision I ever made was leaving her. (9:54) Second best decision I ever made was DMing you.(9:56) Cute.

Emilia Smith

(9:58) DM, direct message for those who are maybe not on social needs.

Alan Lazaros

(10:03) I don't think anyone needs to know what DM is.

Emilia Smith

(10:06) Hey, you never know.

Alan Lazaros

(10:07) Yeah. (10:07) For those 78-year-olds.

Emilia Smith

(10:09) In case my grandma's watching now.

Alan Lazaros

(10:10) Yeah, in case Nana is watching at 91 years old or 90 years old. (10:14) DM means direct message.

Emilia Smith

(10:17) Do you have a question? (10:18) I love that you just brought that into the fact that like the work that you're putting in, because there's people who have listened to us and listened to this podcast. (10:27) And for whatever reason, their partner is not willing to do the work.(10:32) They're unwilling to kind of do what it takes to get into growth and to improve on skills that they just don't have. (10:39) Unwilling to apologize, unwilling to develop the skill set and the language and the nervous system regulation that's required for apology to happen. (10:47) So the work that the partner who's like growth minded, who's listening to this and let's say that partner that they have is like not capable and unwilling.(10:55) Like, don't worry.

Alan Lazaros

(10:56) Why do you say not capable?

Emilia Smith

(10:58) Okay.

Alan Lazaros

(10:58) Because it's a skill. (10:59) It seems like you're letting people off the hook and I can't. (11:02) I don't like that.(11:02) Yeah, I'm really glad that you said that. (11:04) Not capable. (11:04) It's like, well, anyone can apologize.

Emilia Smith

(11:07) Like, what are we doing here, right? (11:09) So the reason why I say not capable is because I, from a trauma-informed standpoint, understand how the nervous system works. (11:19) And I understand that many people are literally in a state within their nervous system that makes them incapable of learning new skills in developing.(11:28) So someone who is in a shutdown, collapsed state, who is constantly thinking that the world is dangerous, that has this carefree attitude that nothing is wrong is actually deeply insecure and in a shutdown state in their nervous system.

Alan Lazaros

(11:40) And so how would they, because when you say not capable, you mean not capable in that moment.

Emilia Smith

(11:46) Correct. (11:47) In that nervous system. (11:49) No.(11:49) Yeah. (11:49) Not capable of changing forever. (11:52) That's not true.(11:53) What I am saying is if that person were to step into an arena that is safe and helps them develop the emotional regulation skill sets that allow their quote unquote, learning centers of their brain to come online, then they are capable of developing the language and the skill sets that apology actually does require. (12:11) You and I don't realize this because we have developed through these massive failures and learning opportunities that we have layers on layers on layers of skill set. (12:21) The foundational reason why apologies matter so much is because it requires you to be regulated and in a regulated state in order to rebuild trust.(12:32) So it's not just the words that you say, but it's how you say and what nervous system you're saying it from that actually builds safety, which is the underneath of trust.

Alan Lazaros

(12:42) So how do we, where does someone get started? (12:45) Obviously, coaching. (12:46) I believe in coaching more than I ever have.(12:48) So deeply. (12:49) Yeah. (12:49) I think podcasts are great to learn and to discuss important topics.(12:53) I think coaching is where the real work is done.

Emilia Smith

(12:55) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(12:55) I believe that more than ever. (12:56) Me too. (12:57) But assuming someone is just listening and not coaching with us, where would they start?

Emilia Smith

(13:01) I would suggest literally just Googling or going on YouTube, emotional regulation techniques. (13:08) Okay. (13:09) Starting there.(13:10) And so like breath. (13:11) Breath work, somatic based practices, anything that's related to slowing down your breathing and making sure that you're slowing down your pace in a way that is mindful and intentional about going within in your inner world, asking yourself about what are the feelings that you have? (13:30) What are the thoughts that are coming up?(13:32) Men tend to completely avoid those practices. (13:35) Women tend to inherently go towards more reflective based practices, which tend to bring them into learning about emotional regulation skillsets, learning about how to do somatic based practices, being okay with having a journal. (13:50) A lot of guys don't, they would never go near a journal with a 10 foot pole, especially in the boomer generation.(13:55) And it negatively impacts them. (13:57) And you and I know people that we can think of right now that haven't done any of those practices mindfully, intentionally, and actually invested money in. (14:04) So that's why I'm saying, go on YouTube, search Google, read an article, start, but start with something very small, and then make sure that you're building.(14:13) Because a one and done is not going to do it for your nervous system that has accumulated decades of trauma and neglect that has resulted in chronic inability to actually get the regulation necessary to be able to just admit you're wrong and apologize.

Alan Lazaros

(14:28) So if someone listening or watching this is hoping for an apology from their partner right now, I would say, what could they do to encourage that?

Emilia Smith

(14:44) What initially comes up for me, and I'm super curious about your thoughts, too.

Alan Lazaros

(14:48) Use that person anonymously. (14:50) What could she do?

Emilia Smith

(14:51) I'm thinking of her right now. (14:53) And I'm also thinking of the many people that have been in her chair, but her specifically comes to mind. (14:58) What I have observed is that women, just like her, will internalize the incapabilities of her male counterparts.(15:08) And hear me out. (15:10) If your male counterpart or your counterpart, doesn't even have to be male, is not going and doing that work, then all of a sudden you turn that narrative to, there must be something wrong with me. (15:20) I'm going to tell you right now, hold that thought at the door, because it is not fair and it is not OK for you to think that something is wrong with you.(15:28) Because your partner won't actually go and get the help that they need.

Alan Lazaros

(15:32) And we call it that work. (15:34) When people think of work, I think they think of landscaping or being in front of spreadsheets. (15:40) When you say the work, you mean learning how to breathe properly?

Emilia Smith

(15:44) I actually call it manicuring your nervous system. (15:47) See, that's not the work for the man. (15:49) Here's why.(15:49) It's the landscaping of your nervous system. (15:52) That would work.

Alan Lazaros

(15:53) Perfect.

Emilia Smith

(15:53) So manicuring your nervous system to the feminine energy and landscaping your nervous system to the male energy. (15:58) It's just like trimming the hedges. (16:00) It's just like making sure that you're cleaning out your gutters.(16:02) It's just like making sure that your car has the right oil. (16:05) Like, let me talk to you in guy terms. (16:08) These things are so important, which is like you just mentioned, the breath work, the therapy, this stuff.

Alan Lazaros

(16:15) Landscaping your central nervous system. (16:16) All right. (16:17) So the one thing that I wanted to jump in here and say is, if you are the partner who is hoping that your partner does the work, you could encourage them to start really small.(16:31) Because I think about it too. (16:32) Whenever you're scared of something, you just start really small. (16:35) Exposure therapy.(16:36) So you're afraid to apologize. (16:37) Okay. (16:38) I'll accept that.(16:40) What if you did? (16:41) You don't have to say, oh, I'm so sorry. (16:44) I'll never do it again.(16:46) The last 20 years have been a mistake. (16:48) I'm the fucking worst. (16:49) Like, you don't have to do that.(16:50) But what you could do is something small. (16:54) Like, hey, yesterday I was a little bit less kind than I should have been. (16:59) And I was hangry.(17:02) And after I ate, I felt better. (17:04) I'll do better in the future. (17:05) Like, start small.(17:07) That will go. (17:09) I mean, that will go so far. (17:11) It will go so far.(17:13) I remember what it was like being in a relationship with someone who didn't do that. (17:17) And I remember unconsciously and subconsciously, it was like, is this ever going to get better? (17:22) How could our relationship get better if you aren't, like, taking ownership and then working to reflect about what your part was in the equation?(17:31) Imagine a professional athlete being like, no, I don't really, I don't want any feedback. (17:37) I know I dropped the ball, but that's not how this works. (17:40) Yeah, I don't airball every shot.(17:43) Never take ownership. (17:44) Team, you guys suck. (17:46) Like, right?(17:47) So it's just weird. (17:48) It's weird that in relationships, that's okay. (17:51) But yet in life, if you don't take ownership at work, like, yeah, that was me, my bad.(17:58) Kevin, my business partner, he worked as a foreman. (18:00) I know we got to jump here. (18:02) He worked as a foreman and he accidentally blew the insulation to the wrong attic.(18:09) Oh. (18:09) In a weatherization in a school.

Emilia Smith

(18:11) Oh, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(18:12) It was like 4,500 bucks and he had to take ownership. (18:16) Like, hey, he thought he was going to get fired. (18:18) Yeah.(18:18) And he didn't. (18:20) He actually ended up getting promoted because they saw he could take ownership instead of hiding it. (18:24) Right.(18:24) Which is what most people would have done is just hide it and sweep it under the rug so that it keeps happening instead of, hey, this is what happened. (18:31) This is why it happened. (18:33) I'm not going to let that happen again.(18:34) This is the root cause. (18:36) That just gives reassurance in teamwork. (18:38) So much.(18:38) The same is true for relationships. (18:40) So I want to get to your question because I know we got to jump. (18:42) OK, so we just spent most of the time on my question.

Emilia Smith

(18:46) Yeah, no, it was a really, really good question. (18:47) And one comment that I'm going to weave in here, which is. (18:50) So my question is, what's necessary for sincere apologies to be given and received?(18:56) And something that we had mentioned was was ownership. (19:00) And we just talked about that. (19:01) That is an absolute essential, because if you do not own what is yours.(19:05) So, like you mentioned, starting small or I realize I really hurt you. (19:09) That's still ownership. (19:10) That's still an observation type apology.(19:13) Now, you're not fully through the apology yet. (19:16) But in order for a sincere apology to be given and received, you need to take ownership. (19:22) You need to actually go through the repair process, which we're going to put on the screen.(19:26) And then you need to make sure that new action is happening.

Alan Lazaros

(19:29) And what's put on the screen is also going to be a downloadable digital asset in the show notes as well.

Emilia Smith

(19:34) Yep, yep, absolutely. (19:35) And one thing that I really want to make sure that I share on this episode that I've learned through the research and studying so much about how our nervous system works and why apologies are we're honestly so sucky at apologies is because when we were younger, I want us to go back to the time where we had to say I'm sorry to a sibling. (19:55) Forced by a parent or a teacher, say you're sorry, right?

Alan Lazaros

(19:59) Like, even if you're not.

Emilia Smith

(20:00) For something that you did. (20:02) For something that you did and you were forced into the corner or timeout or whatever. (20:05) What ended up happening at a really, really young age for almost everyone because of how unconscious the parenting, the teacher, the adulthood was in that was the fact that you were forced to do something and say something that you didn't inherently understand and didn't potentially mean.(20:23) And where it gets even deeper, and the last thing I'll say on this is the fact that when those moments you were forced into that, no one ever helped you to separate the guilt, healthy guilt for your behavior. (20:36) Maybe what was quote unquote wrong or not nice or whatever. (20:40) Let's say you slapped your sister in the face and you didn't know any better because you're a two year old or a three year old.(20:46) No one separated that the behavior of slapping your sister in the face was not kind and not nice. (20:54) And instead, you ended up realizing through this that your behavior and who you are are inherently merged, which is shame. (21:05) So you learn shame is directly connected to that force of saying sorry.

Alan Lazaros

(21:10) So instead of I did something bad, I am bad. (21:12) I am bad. (21:13) I am subconscious and unconscious.(21:15) And how do people start to rewire that? (21:17) Because I deal with this in coaching all the time and it's peak performance coaching. (21:22) So I'm pretty intense.(21:24) People have that and I don't get it because it's like, yeah, I fucked up. (21:28) It's all good. (21:29) Like get better.

Emilia Smith

(21:30) Right. (21:31) Okay. (21:32) But the defensive system and everyone else is going up because they don't believe that they can get better.

Alan Lazaros

(21:38) Do you believe the higher percentage of people have a fixed mindset and they have that shame response? (21:42) Yeah.

Emilia Smith

(21:42) And they don't even know their response is.

Alan Lazaros

(21:44) You aren't only what you do. (21:46) What you do is a reflection of who you are, but they're disconnected. (21:50) And just because I did something terrible in college and by terrible, I mean drugs or whatever.(21:55) I don't mean terrible. (21:55) But that doesn't mean I'm a drug addict. (21:58) I did drugs once.(21:59) Okay, that's what you do in college. (22:03) It's all good. (22:04) Now, I don't think you should disconnect who you are from your behavior completely because your behavior is a reflection of who you are.(22:13) And I think that's important, but they're not the exact same. (22:15) And so this whole guilt versus shame thing, it blows my mind. (22:20) And I don't know why this didn't happen to me, but for some reason, I never really had that sort of...

Emilia Smith

(22:30) You never internalized that message as I am bad. (22:33) I'm wrong. (22:34) I'm defective.(22:35) I'm unlovable.

Alan Lazaros

(22:35) Everyone who's an adult has drank too much before.

Emilia Smith

(22:39) You drank too much before, right?

Alan Lazaros

(22:40) Oh, absolutely. (22:40) Okay, take it easy. (22:43) Okay.(22:44) Does that mean you're some horrible person or does that mean you accidentally took one or two more shots than you should have and you browned out and said something you shouldn't have?

Emilia Smith

(22:52) Well, it's like, okay, I did that once or many times maybe, but like, okay, does that offset the fact that I've been sober for how many years? (22:59) Seven plus years?

Alan Lazaros

(23:00) Not to mention, not even that, because you are sober now, but back then you weren't. (23:04) It doesn't make you inherently a bad person. (23:06) You're a person who drank too much once.(23:09) And that's very rational, but we're going to have to do an episode on this in the future because if... (23:15) Is this fair to say to get out of here? (23:18) If someone is avoiding apologies, they probably have some sort of link of identity with behavior.

Emilia Smith

(23:27) 100%. (23:28) I've never seen the opposite of that. (23:30) And when people start to learn about their shame response system, their SRS, they start to understand why their behavior, why they get defensive.(23:38) Instead of like, you can't just go near the apology because going near the apology is also admitting that I'm bad, I'm wrong. (23:44) Something's defective within me. (23:45) Something is I'm unlovable and I'm unwilling or I'm unable to receive love after I admit this because usually when we had to say, I'm sorry, there was also a punishment attached to it.(23:55) So absolutely. (23:57) Yeah. (23:57) And conscious parenting would stop that from happening.(24:01) Withhold love after something like that. (24:03) Yeah.

Alan Lazaros

(24:04) Yeah. (24:04) Okay. (24:05) Well, good, good, good, good.(24:07) So the summary here is figure out which partner tends to apologize when they are imperfect because all humans are and figure out which partner doesn't do this. (24:22) And then hopefully help them start small. (24:26) What's your takeaway?

Emilia Smith

(24:30) My takeaway would be if you can have one skill that you develop that really does help all interpersonal relationships, not just your intimate relationship, it's definitely the art of apology.

Emilia Smith

(24:43) Yeah.

Emilia Smith

(24:44) So if this is something that's resonating and or you know someone that will really resonate with this, like have them reach out or send us a DM because this doing the work, landscaping your nervous system or manicuring your nervous system, it's actually so much easier when you can do that with someone else who has been through it and is navigating that with you.

Alan Lazaros

(25:06) So that's what I would share. (25:08) You and I know someone, keep it anonymous, who sent me a very heartfelt apology, basically crying. (25:17) And you were, what a breath of fresh air.(25:20) Yeah. (25:20) It was the best. (25:22) It was, there's nothing better than getting a sincere apology.(25:24) And it's like, awesome. (25:25) Now we can build the future together. (25:27) We're going to be good.(25:28) It's all going to be great. (25:29) Yeah, it's really critical. (25:30) Without that, you really cannot build much.(25:33) I don't even know how people would be in a long-term relationship without that. (25:37) You must be suffocated and a whole thing. (25:40) So, okay.(25:41) As always, we appreciate you. (25:42) It's not about you or me. (25:44) It's about the we.(25:45) We'll talk to you next time.

Emilia Smith

(25:46) Bye everyone. (25:49) Thanks for joining us for another episode of the Conscious Couples Podcast. (25:52) We love connecting with the Conscious Couples community.(25:55) So please check the show notes to connect with us and say hello on social media.

Alan Lazaros

(26:00) If you and your partner resonated with this episode, please leave us a five-star review at the link in the show notes and share this with someone you love. (26:09) Until next time, it's not about you or me. (26:12) It's about the we.(26:13) We'll talk to you next time.