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A Hoe & A Housewife
A Hoe & A Housewife
Between Exciting Career Moves, The Johnny Football Controversy, and Cringe-worthy Party Tales
Just when you thought career decisions were tough, Lex drops in with her recent job-selection journey that had her juggling between two exciting offers. Sharing her experience with trusting her gut and following her intuition.
Ever experienced the terror of a hangover anxiety, "hangxiety"? Nat's wild night at Buffalo Chip comes with a tale that will make you rethink that extra shot. From raw-dog tequila moments to IV drip friendships, we navigate the stormy seas of partying aftermath, and the myth of needing to be intoxicated in order to have fun.
Lastly, brace yourself as we unravel the rollercoaster ride of Johnny Manziel's rise and fall. His story underscores the significance of finding balance and self-respect amidst fame and fortune. Taking a turn to the quirky side, we dive into the girls encounter with their new rose toys and the dreams it spun. From funny anecdotes to awkward conversations, we leave no stone unturned. So buckle up, and get ready for a rollercoaster of laughter and learning.
Fucking hyped.
Speaker 2:Is that copyright?
Speaker 1:Excuse us everyone, if we could please have your attention for those of you who don't know us so literally no one. I'm Lex and I'm Natalie, and this is a ho and a housewife. Check, check, check, check, check roll, that shit roll it Y'all.
Speaker 2:I literally have so much anxiety. What am I? I forgot to tell you one of my girlfriends we, we played with them on the METS and then we were with them on the Pirates. This year she is. She was one of the girls that was like why the hell haven't you, why haven't you been putting out podcast episodes? Like I miss hearing y'all. And then she texted me when the episode dropped. She was like I'm listening to y'all right now, Like I'm so happy that you two are both putting out episodes again, and I was like please, let me know how it sounds, because I've had anxiety about how loud I sound. She was like I know what you're talking about. It does ruin the episode and I was like, okay, good, but it did make me aware that, like that first episode we dropped. I'm so sorry for the yelling, but I did figure out how my mic works and we are. I'm just proud of us right now. And I said it the last one and I'll say it again.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna keep saying it every fucking day 32 episodes is an accomplishment, an achievement, a milestone, and like we're already working on episode 33, 34 will be recorded, probably by next Monday, like we're on some good things here. And also I think like it's interesting to listen to other podcasters or watch like all the reels, because I mean we're obviously learning as we're continuously putting things out, but, man, our technical issues are, so it is so complicated. We're having mic issues like every probably three episodes.
Speaker 2:I just jinxed it but yeah, the thing about the podcast that we love to watch is that they're like they have a place to record, they have a producer there, they have video camera, and so I have to remember that, like we're not, we don't have that yet, but y'all we, like I said when we came out with our episode coming back, we are working on that and working on doing episodes that have like all the high tech freaking camera footage and all the stuff, because this is so important to us. But how was your week? What's been going on?
Speaker 1:My week's been good. I got a job.
Speaker 1:Actually, that's exciting. I keep forgetting and you know it's we've talked about this many times where I was very like I don't want to work at this job anymore, I don't want to work remote, went to waitressine, I don't want to waitressine anymore, I want to go back remote. And now I'm like what? Yeah, wait, what I'm excited to be home and work at home. The hours aren't that great, but I'm really excited. I got a position at a startup company and if you know me, you know that I love startups because there's always a lot of work to do, which a lot of people can either be like ill. I hate a lot of work, but I thrive in a high complex environment. So I'm really, really excited. So we'll see.
Speaker 2:I'm really excited for you. I'm so, so excited for you that Lex was like trying to decide, like, what direction she was going to go, because she had been applying for multiple positions. And I it's I literally her and I say, if you put anything like, if you have decisions to make, throw it into a hat and whatever decision comes out, and the reaction you have, you'll know if you're following your true gut instinct. So Lex is like telling me the pros and cons of, like different jobs and I'm like, dude, I really think you should take this one. She was like, yeah, but this one? And I was like, okay, you're arguing with me and clearly you've already made up your mind. And she just started laughing, but it was just funny because that's how I know her. It's like I'm giving her the pros of the other one while she's giving me the pros of the other one, and so it was like dude, you've made your decision and I'm so happy for you.
Speaker 1:I did that with. I have like the pros and cons listed here, and my girlfriend was here with me at the time and the same thing. She's like, okay, this job is like beating this other one by pros, 100%, like you have to go with this one. And I was like, okay, hold on, let me come up with some more pros for the other one. So I did take the one that I was vouching for the whole time, but no one ever talks about like it was a literally tell to tell race on a decision making.
Speaker 1:I had both final interviews Friday, for both of them had the weekend to think about it, had to make a decision Monday. Like it was very and it's just crazy the way the universe works because I didn't go looking for either of these positions, which only truly shows that I was supposed to quit my job back when. But no one ever talks about like how to compare two jobs and how to appropriately make the right decision. I'm always going with my gut, but there are people out there that are more logistical and they want to have, like you know, actual factual decision making and me I'm just like I'm going to go with whatever I feel, my intuition is telling me, and if it doesn't feel right I won't pick that one. But yeah, no one ever tells you how to appropriately make a decision like that.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's ever going to be an easy decision. I'm like you two were like I do. Rob is my logical sounding board, so like he will give me the logic to it, but he's always. He has always said anytime we're making a big decision, he was like just, but he's like but, just, trust your gut, because your gut has never led led you to a wrong answer. And as we're currently like looking at houses and stuff, he was like just trust your gut. Like every house I have found us, it has either been a really good investment or like it made us money.
Speaker 2:And I always go with the oh like. I walk into a house and I'm like doesn't feel like home, I don't feel it, I don't see it, I don't see the dogs running around here, like I don't feel it. And that's literally what I do. I'll walk into a home and I'm like this isn't it, this isn't it. So I think that you are doing the right thing by following your gut, because you want to be excited about what you're going into, you want to know that like it's giving you those, those butterflies in your stomach. I think that that is like a sign from like I said call it God, call it universe, whatever you believe in, but I think that's, that's God's way of like implanting a little feeling in you, being like you're making the right decision for yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%, always talking to you in that sense, when we talk intuition like that's how our decisions are made. But yeah, I did take that offer and I literally texted Natalie right after and I was like, okay, I took the job and I said oof, and she's like what? I'm like I don't know if that was the right decision, but as the days went on, I feel very settled, so I'm super excited.
Speaker 2:It's crazy how, quite literally, like time passes like every hour, you're just like processing everything. It actually brings me into something you wanted to talk about, like moral hangovers and like like hang anxiety, like hangover anxiety, because that it was me over this past weekend. I was blackout Friday and I blocked out like 10pm. You guys, I don't know what's wrong with me, like drinking on an empty stomach, but I call it Blacks the next day and I'm like I hate having to piece together things. So every hour through Saturday and Sunday I'm trying to piece together things and it's like, as time went on, I just like got over everything eventually, like my anxiety was disappearing. But like processing, being blackout drunk I haven't been that black. I haven't been black. I woke up with tire marks on my shirt, like oh, tell them why.
Speaker 2:I fell pee on a tire.
Speaker 1:But you know, I'm glad you do want to talk about moral hangovers and hang anxiety.
Speaker 1:A lot of people don't experience those. More power to you. But for those of us that are raging, I don't know little meatballs that want to let out the demons every now and then, I don't even know where to go because I haven't been drinking. And when I went out with you girls about three weekends ago or so, I had a couple beers and I was like you know, I'm not drinking as much today Like they were throwing down costumigos and I'm like Lone Star, please, Lone Star, I drink one old fashioned boom gone. I don't take straight shots anymore, Natalie's, like you were ordering straight tequila. The next day, from 9am to about 7pm I was at Catfish Charlie's just like on autopilot and then every like five minutes I'd be like fuck remembering something.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and it's just the little pieces. And then you're like oh yes, it's, you give yourself the ick, like you literally give yourself your own ick, and you're like I was icking all fucking week.
Speaker 2:I was just gagging at the side of something. I was like anytime I would remember something. I was just gagging. I was like huh, and I should have known like how you were ordering tequila shots. That's when I knew that Lex was fucked up because she doesn't like drinking tequila like I do, and she lit after Nola. She was like I don't, I'm done drinking tequila, like I'm not drinking it straight, I'm not drinking it at all. She was like done, and I'm mind you, it was not even chilled tequila shots, it was just raw dog.
Speaker 1:It's not chilled, by the way.
Speaker 2:I know, but not for me, like I would rather have it cold. She was raw dogging, fucking warm tequila. I was like that's when I should have known your ass was blackout drunk. Same for me. I started buying beers. I don't buy beer y'all. I don't drink beer. Hardly ever do I.
Speaker 1:If I drink beer it's because, like my dad is making me probably because we went to pint night and you were throwing them down when they tasted it.
Speaker 2:So I bet your mind was all I'm at a country bar I was fucking pouring beer down my mouth like a funnel, like it was tornado. Literally it was a dark. The last thing I remember is taking a green tea shot and dancing. And then I called Rob at like 10pm, peed and then fell on a tire and that's the last thing I remember. And I was at like 10pm. It was dark. It was dark for the rest of the night. I hit a fucking punching bag. You know those mechanical punching bags.
Speaker 1:I work out.
Speaker 2:Literally, these two girls that probably dip were like come on, sis, like hit the bang. And I was like, oh, I'll, I'll fucking do it, I'll fucking do it. And so I was like they're like hyping me up. I was like, let's go. I missed the first one, went way past it on the fucking left hand side. Then I did it again and I got to like 610. My punching was at 610. It was fucking lit.
Speaker 2:This is all being told to me. But yeah, hangover anxiety is not it, and I actually I told Rob I was like I don't like that feeling, like I should not be, I should not be fucking blocking out. No, no, thanks. So for the like, literally for 48 hours I was, I laid on my couch and did not leave because I had more like a moral hangover. I had like anxiety about not knowing what happened after a certain point. Buffalo chip literally will do that to you, though. I feel like when you're like dancing and having a good time and sweating, like the alcohol is going down so smooth. So I want to take Lex there when she comes out here for her birthday, because it is like the vibes that she would love. But I'm I'm like nervous. You can literally take party buses out there, like the way we used to take party buses to fucking Northgate is like the way you can take party buses to the chip.
Speaker 1:No, I'm done. I'm not going any of those places. You know, whenever you had your moral hangover I think it was probably your first one, and if you've never had one, a moral hangover will literally make you never want to black out ever again. The processing of it is incredible. Another time I had one which you were there for but I it turned into a literal panic attack was after Miami. I was looking for the nearest police officer when I landed because I needed a hug.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like when you're, it's like when you're going, going, going and you stop your body, just like you're like, oh yeah, it's like ultimate shot, especially because we were like having fun all the way until the flight. So I'm sitting there. I think I had drank a red bull, which made it obviously worse, and it was the craziest thing I've ever experienced in my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a dude, I also had an IV drip guy come out, but what is funny to me is that this guy that I came into my IV drip he was living in Miami at the time that I was out there for the trip with the pirates and he actually did my IV drip in Miami and he goes. Oh, I'm actually moving back to Phoenix. And so I texted him and I was like David, I don't know if you're here yet. I was like I don't know if you remember me. I was like I'm the girl that was like in the hotel my husband played for the pirates, he was chatting with Rob but as I was getting like room service and IV drip I'm so fucking extra sometimes room service and IV drip and Rob's pouring me coffee and they chatted while I'm like getting this trip because it takes like an hour. Yeah, and he was like here's my number, like text me when you're in Phoenix if you ever need me. Oh, my god, he showed up 30 minutes after I texted him and he, I left the front door unlocked for him and I was in a blanket on my couch. Yeah, and he goes. Oh, and I was like David, I'm fucking dying. And he my veins were so dehydrated this has never happened to me. He couldn't stick my veins because I might. He couldn't find them. So it took about four tries of getting in a needle for for the drip to finally get going.
Speaker 2:He was laughing. He's like your wristband still on. He was like. He was like. He was like I was literally just in like an oversized t shirt and a blanket. He was like.
Speaker 2:He was like last time I saw you said you were done doing this. I was like yeah, well, I guess I'll probably be contacting you at some point again. He was like tell Rob. I said hello. He texted me like a friend to. He texted me after.
Speaker 2:He was like it was really good seeing you. Like sitting there chatting with you for an hour, really felt like I was talking to a friend. He's like if you and Rob ever need anything, like let me know. So cool, such a cool dude. He's like he's like an older guy and his ex wife actually used to be like a well known golfer, so like just really cool dude. But yeah, y'all Natalie has been on a bender and that bender is stopping, but that's something else. That's really hard for me is I feel like I have like I need to be drinking. When I go out, like with a group of friends, it's not so much if it was like me and Lex or something. It's like when I'm going out with a big group, or if it's more than me and another person. I'm like if we're out and I'm like, well, might as well just have one drink, and then it turns into shots.
Speaker 1:You know I'm learning that, like you can no, I don't think you can Me other people can. For me I cannot. I am telling people because, like, yes, I still drink wine. I do all those things. But like going out and drinking is hard whenever we all get together because it's a one, it's like a one off thing. But to make such a change like that for all of us, I think it has to be an actual lifestyle change. When we get together like, no, let's not have a drink, let's go to a show, or let's go to the farmers market, let's go to the museum, let's go sit on the beach and make mocktails, I don't fucking know.
Speaker 1:There was an interview with Tom Holland and Jay Shetty and he talks about when he tried doing dry January and that it was like one of the hardest things and he's like, okay, do I have a problem?
Speaker 1:Like I have to push through this a little bit longer to prove to myself that, like I'm not an alcoholic, I don't have a problem. It's so hard to stop, like not to have one drink, and it really is like, especially when you are around a group of people, because the pressure even some of my friends. You know it is important that your friends respect your boundaries as well, but also like these are the people I've grown up with and been friends with my whole life, so making a change isn't going to be easy to them overnight. And I feel like such a buzzkill when I go out because, like I'm chilling, I'm having fun, like I'm just hanging out, and they're like you're just not going to take a shot, you're not going to dance, and I'm like I'm having fun, like you dance, you do your thing. I don't have to like be at your level to make you feel less than because I'm not dancing right now.
Speaker 2:Like I think it's because you especially like when you drink your like you're just like so much fun to be around, and so I feel I Huh, I said I'm two different people, like if I'm going to be, I mean well depending, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know, because I feel like I can also sing and dance when I'm not drinking.
Speaker 2:But no, no, when you're sober you'll sing and dance. I just mean, I'm in the sense of like, when you get, when you get a little bit of toxicated like, it is literally the funniest thing. Like the shit that comes out of your mouth like, and so I think like I love it, but I get what you're saying. Like I don't want to be, I don't want to. I don't want my friends to think that I have to be like drunk for you to enjoy me. On top of that, I also think that a lot of us don't live near you. So when we come home to visit you were like what's a fucking break? Rage to the fucking break, a dawn like, and we forget that we literally do not have to be doing that. Have a good time, it's just fun to do it, because you know that when you're with those people that feel like home, it's fun to do it and it's even funnier because y'all come home and it's like vacation for me.
Speaker 1:This is home, so I'm like I don't want to stir up crazy. Can you all just come have dinner at my apartment please?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have two of my friends coming out soon and I literally told you the same thing. I said what's weird? Because, like I live here now again In Scottsdale, and like Scottsdale is like a destination vacation for a lot of people and we're sitting here planning dinners and like what we're going to do and I'm like damn, I really have to put on my my, my, my party hat, because it's not just like this is like a vacation for them and it is a vacation for me to like I'm so excited to see them. But I just kept thinking like, oh fuck, like I might have to have David, david on speed dial.
Speaker 2:These girls are rowdy and they are fun so it is hoping to be a tornado of just excellence and I also just love when it's like only like one or one girl or like two girls on a trip. It's just more, much more intimate and you can have fun and like cause chaos, just like versus like a giant group. I've always said that I like I would rather have like smaller, intimate girl trips versus like massive ones. So I'm really excited.
Speaker 2:But something that I that that I wanted to shoot the shit on, and something that came out on Netflix this week was the Johnny Manziel untold story on Netflix and the reason I want to talk about this not that I went to a, I went to Sam Houston State, which is about 45 minutes away from a, so a lot of our friends at the time were literally a highway down the road. So every weekend we thought like Sam Houston was fun, right, but there's only two fucking bars you guys, the Jolly Fox and nasties and so we would go to a and because it's a bigger D one, like we were a D one, but it was a small D one, and so we would go to a and m every, every fucking weekend almost score.
Speaker 1:We kidding like of course we're taking the 30 minute highway to go party at a.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you had fucking Northgate, we had fucking the Fox, and so I watched the episode, mainly because I remember going out to Northgate and seeing Johnny Manziel and like all those guys go out and it he was literally like God to a and m on campus. So if you saw Johnny Manziel out at Northgate it was literally like he wasn't a normal college athlete, like people treated him like he was on a higher pedal store. I never really understood. I understood the height because he was such a gifted fucking football player, but like I just I will never understand dehumanizing somebody because they're really talented at what they do, right, okay, but he lit, he lived into that, he fucking lit, let like, leaned into it, loved it. So I start the episode. I'm like I'm really curious, like Because I read an article that he talked about how he wanted to kill himself after he got cut from the Cleveland Browns when he went pro and I was like you know what it's probably gonna be like a really good documentary about, like mental health and like you know how he's changed and I'm not even kidding you y'all.
Speaker 2:The first fucking opening scene is him shotgunning beers, shotgunning, fucking beers. He lives in Scottsdale so he's like out his house on fucking camelback, like you see the mountain views, shotgunning a fucking beer. And I was like okay, whatever. So then the his opening fucking line he was like I'm from, I'm from Texas. And he was like and he was like he's from Kerrville, texas. We played at Tyvee, he's from Tyvee high school. He was like I'm from Texas. He was like and if you don't play football in Texas, either you're a pussy or you just don't know, you're just not good enough to play football. And that was the second thing that Rob made the wrong way.
Speaker 1:I'm like when he made these statements? Is it like at the end of like caught up, like he's making these statements real time, or is this like back when he was in college?
Speaker 2:No, no, this was like when Netflix was filming at his house last year.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll talk. I want to hit all your points on that. But the only thing, like, based on everything we just talked about this podcast, and like having a hard time stopping drinking and like we all are components of everything we did growing up right, and like him shot gunning beers that's every day at A&M, like that's what we grew up doing, and so we're wondering, like why is it so hard to not go out and have a drink? Like we did that all the time. Like yeah, that's crazy. Their tradition is to literally chug beer, chug a beer A ring dunk.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, when you get your A&M ring, you do a giant fucking ring dunk with like the giant serving fucking beer things. So yeah, it's just so that happened and that rub me the wrong way. And then, as the episodes going on, I did not at any point have empathy for him until he briefly touched on how he, like tried to kill himself after getting cut by the Browns. As you watch the episode and I really think you should watch it it just goes on about how he was the best fucking football quarterback ever at his time. During his time, johnny Manziel was like the LeBron James of college football and when he as a freshman, he won the fucking Heisman Trophy, which is like unheard of. And then you have fucking LeBron James, justin Bieber, drake flying you out Private Jet people are paying you hundreds and thousands of dollars. I feel like he got really famous. And then he went into this fucking limelight of Hollywood. But, like, imagine being a sophomore. You're not even 21 yet, okay, and you're flying on fucking PJs and blacking out and doing all sorts of drugs.
Speaker 2:His coaches went on the thing on the Netflix documentary and they were literally talking about how he would show up to games. Because he went out to Northgate the night before, would show up to games hungover, dripping sweat, and the performances that he put on he was most likely still fucking drunk and on drugs and it just to me it's like wasted fucking talent. But when he was at A&M he never watched film right. So like as if you've that's another show on Netflix called the quarterback. It literally follows, like some of the best quarterbacks in NFL and the craft, the things that they have to do to get ready for every fucking game that they play every single week studying plays, working out every day getting ready for that next game. Like he didn't study plays, he didn't watch film, so he literally would.
Speaker 2:Just what he did on that on that field at Kyle Field was like pure fucking talent. So imagine if he actually had worked it on, worked on his craft and where he would have been. It makes me sad. But again, like everything does happen for a reason and maybe he didn't want to be a professional fucking athlete and maybe a professional football player. But to me it's like you got to that next phase and even like his Cleveland Brown coaches were like yeah, he clocked in zero hours every time he watched film. He was their first round pick. He signed for a fuck ton of money and he would literally. He's like once I got to Cleveland like I didn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1:He literally didn't. He go to Vegas the night before an NFL game and just never went back never, made it never made it back.
Speaker 1:It's just sad because, like you are right, like you're growing a lot, your brain's still developing you have this fucking godsend of a talent and then you go from high school to going to college, which a lot of people don't know this. I was on academic suspension my first year in college because I just who knows undaugnose ADHD but I could not fucking just study. I had to literally learn how to go to college and learn and get my GPA back up. So no one knows that because that's like the biggest secret ever no longer my secret. But what I'm getting at is like you throw these kids into college to learn responsibility. So again, him being the best college athlete, exactly like you said, getting flown and hanging out with all these A-listers like that's a lot. That is a lot on top of all the drinking you're already doing. He didn't really ever have to work for any of the talent that he had.
Speaker 2:No, and that's what his dad said. Like he was like, I sent my son to A&M to not only become a great football player, but I trusted those coaches to turn my son into a man.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly he. I mean like it was just. It was so sad Dude his dad reminds me of like every like small town Texas dad, but he actually seems like a well respectful man, but we're a well respected man, but he was diagnosed with bipolarness and so like he's working through that now and so like those things like we're briefly touched on. But to me it was just more like at the end of it I left watching the episode thinking like well, what are you actually doing with your fucking life now to get better? And his sister his sister actually said at the end of the the last two closing is like a sentence from a sister and then a sentence from from Johnny. And his sister said he is not in the place still to take on anything. He has no capacity, like he's not even. He hasn't even like really truly like I'm sure he's gotten into a better place, but he's not sober. He's not fucking sober. He's still hanging out with like running around old town at fucking cost of Amigos and bottle blonde. See, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:And that's like to be a self-aware and to make actual changes in the life that you're never going to make those if you don't acknowledge any of that? And did you ever watch?
Speaker 2:Ozark, no, I watched, like the first season of it. You're kidding.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I thought this conversation was going to go the way. I wanted it to go into that direction. Well, anyways, on Ozark, one of the brothers has, but he's bipolar and it's just really sad storyline and that's where I was going to take it. But mental disease, mental disorders, are really complicated. You can't really understand what someone's going through and like to have those highs, that high and to go that low on top of everything you're going through. I couldn't imagine what the lows are actually like for him.
Speaker 2:That's just that and that's what made me sad. Like I don't know Johnny Menzel, right, but like I see I've seen people on Facebook that went to A&M like reposting this. Like you're always a fucking Aggie gig. I'm like we loved you, johnny, we love you forever. Like wait, are you guys going to actually like talk about what the fucking show episode was about? Like your boy ain't doing too well and like he didn't do great. Like yes, he was an amazing football player, but you guys were fueling his fucking like alcohol addiction, his money problems, and like that to me is like glorifying somebody and putting them on a pedestal at the age of fucking 18. He came up just to come down. But like the other side of it is like what it takes to be a professional athlete. Johnny was never going to be a good professional athlete. He just never was. You're not. You're fucking blocking out every fucking night, you're doing drugs, you're not fueling your body, right, you're not working out, you're not reading your plays, like.
Speaker 2:But that's the side where I don't feel bad for him, because I see like there's a guy that likes there's literally a pitcher on the team that just got traded to the Padres from the Pirates. He's 44 years old and still playing baseball. He's a pitcher that's unheard of, but it makes me wonder, like, what he's doing to still be playing at that age, because most of the time pitchers I really hope it is. But I mean, like, as you get older, like you, your body literally gives out on you, especially as an athlete, like. So it's just like I don't. That whole fucking episode made me so like, not mad, I was just like dude, I don't feel for you at all, and that's because the Jake Paul episode came out right before the week before that one.
Speaker 2:And to me there's something about being cocky and backing your shit up and putting work into your craft, and that's what Jake Paul and Logan Paul do to me. So as much shit as they talk, I love them. They're putting marketing dollars out there. It is working, and on top of that they're backing it up and like going out there improving it. But Johnny Menzel, to me is just all talk, and that's how I felt after watching that. I was like dad, this really fucking pissed me off. Obviously I never want Amanda, like I never want nobody to think about committing suicide. I've been there before. I have been there where it's like I really wanted to kill myself, but just opening line like shotgunning beers, like what, what are we doing?
Speaker 1:No improvement. What was the point of documentary? Don't you usually get along when like?
Speaker 2:I think the whole thing was about how he literally was a fucking superstar at A&M, 18 years old, and was like hanging out with A-listers. I think that's what the story is about.
Speaker 1:I think Johnny needs a roast. A roast, yeah, you know, like the roast that they have. They had one for just now. Yeah we need one for Johnny real time. Yeah, he needs to get roasted and then maybe he'll actually do something. A good roast.
Speaker 2:I agree, I agree. I just I love like a lot of the podcasts we listen to, like touch on stuff, like touch on the area on a grand, I think, which hilarious, got into a whole debate about that with people. But it actually it was on our side. The girls and the guys my group of friends were like no, I 100% agree with you. I think that Lex telling the wife would have done nothing and the guy's probably done it before and he'll do it again, and she's not the first and she's not the last. Like if it's not like my fucking they. Even the guy said and the girl said like if it's not my fucking best friend, if it's not my people, like I have no business going and messaging someone significant other. So I was like oh darn it.
Speaker 1:So maybe we're not talking shit to these men. Y'all got me so wrong, Like I'm for sure saying the disrespectful things that need to be said to these parasites. So parasites they are. They're literally German roaches. Corpus is filled with German roaches, and it's the man.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, and you know what's funny. Oh, dude, you know I was about to be. I'm not even gonna have that.
Speaker 1:That was, if you know, telepathy, that was telepathy. I looked in your eyes like because I was gonna say it, I'll fucking wrote, wrote.
Speaker 2:Dude likes and I literally blood on the moon. We just look at each other and we know exactly what we're thinking. You know, but out of the I'll respect this man's privacy and I won't say it, but I think like it's very fitting for his actions.
Speaker 1:You know what man has been doing for all these, also parasites. This is just for something. Like women, you can take it, you can leave it. Men, I know women be gawking at you as well. So like you can take it or leave it. But me and Christina, one time we're working in the front, walking in the French market and we are being literally got that not just stared like got, like I can see their wills thinking, and so I'm just we're walking by and I'm like staring. This morning there was literally two maintenance man working on the truck and they're looking at me and I was like staring. So For anybody that needs a tip for people parasites looking at you, just I start barking.
Speaker 2:I Literally saw a reel that was like walking back from the bodies to friends. You're walking back from the bars and they're acting like they're literally Broke out of a mental assay in a silent Like just girls doing girl things to not get kidnapped. Y'all will men will never understand that fear of like. Literally you can't just go out and walk home by yourself. I mean there has been a lot of men going missing and Austin and showing up in the river, but yeah, outside of that, that's not funny.
Speaker 1:But like how are these big, grown Adult men landing in the river? That can for sure happen to me. Are we kidding Bro? I think I had a nightmare last night. Is what just happened? Full distracted you?
Speaker 2:had a nightmare last night. Would you have a nightmare about? Oh, we're not talking about how tonight I had a nightmare too.
Speaker 1:I don't remember, but I only remember one detail and if I say it, it is so dark, it was like a nightmare, nightmare like detective. Have you ever seen Luther? No okay, then I remember, but it was, it was dark, it was dark.
Speaker 2:Mine was dark. Mine was really fucking sad. It was my mom. My mom doesn't know how to swim and I had a dream that she would. I, we were in an apocalypse. We're like we were, you know, like when a tsunami hits and then like you're fucking like you're in it, you're fucking getting like drowned. That's that's the scene in my fucking dream, and my mom doesn't know how to swim. So like I reached for her hand and she was already dead and I woke up. So, wedding, I was already like dripping sweat. It was sad and it made me think.
Speaker 1:Yes, I had weird dreams too and I couldn't find my loved ones. I don't know. It was a weirdest dream, it was like a crime dream.
Speaker 2:That is really fucking sad and it was actually really pissed me off, because I actually used my new rose last night twice and I thought I would have good dreams, but no, I had dark demon dreams. I thought I was gonna have what dreams of getting my cheeks clapped by my husband, but I fucking had dreams of my mother dying. I was like what is this lesson, god, you dirty bitch. Also, I I don't know which, I don't know which roselux has, but I okay. So originally I only had the one that had the actual rose like the head. What the clit, if it's clean, I'm just kidding, I had to wash my mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I washed my muscle, but to take her with me.
Speaker 2:So I got a new one because I've always had the rose. I've always felt like you need to get the rose, you need to get the rose. But I've only had the head part with like this clit suction part. But now I got the. There's dual parts, y'all there you can get like different types of attachments. So I have the attachment with, like the, the penis, and the penis goes up and down, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like yeah.
Speaker 2:It literally hits. It hits your G spot as you're getting your clips like. It's like my favorite type of like, because, like when I'm getting, when I'm having sexual intercourse with my husband, nothing it turns me on more than like the reach around right, like you're getting, you're getting your cheeks clapped and then you're doing like a little clip play. I will literally die and go to heaven. I Y'all. I came in two minutes the first rounds last night and I literally was screaming Like I think the dogs thought I was. The dogs were at the door like scratching. They thought something was deadly wrong with me.
Speaker 1:You know, you'll really probably think we are joking. We are not.
Speaker 2:I have a. I have a picture of it before I used it so I'll post it to our stories like it's in the box still, so y'all know it's brand new. But then I was like I'm going another round. So I gave myself like a little five minute break and then I put on another video and I was. I was like, take it, bitch, like there's a lot going on. You're like I'm getting fucked and my clip and there's a whole lot of fluid. I had to go by lube. Last night I went to the sex sort of my lube. I've like my cheeks were flushed. I was literally sweating like I had. I literally texted Rob. I was like it literally feels like I just got fucked by you. I'm sweating. You're like can't wait to use it again tonight. Honestly, the, the attachment with the dick that goes up and down is a game fucking changer that I Told you.
Speaker 2:I was checking the mail every fucking day, every day. I was like and then I opened my door yesterday I was like, oh my god, it's finally here, it's my fucking year. It's like I made, I made dinner and then I went to the sex store to get lube and I fucking showered. I put some candles on and I was like let's go. Dude, I don't know, I don't know when the next time I'm gonna see Rob, but like I know, and then Rob called me after he goes damn, did I just get beat out? And I was like dude, I think you did dead ass.
Speaker 1:I used it the other night and I was gonna literally text all of you in the group message we have, but I was just like whatever I was gonna text you to because I texted Lex last night.
Speaker 2:I was like, dude, it's here and she was like. She was like get ready to cry, said I'm so ready to cry. I.
Speaker 1:Said cry because I literally what I've been trying to say for the past three minutes, I can't get it out literally cried. I cried the other night. I'm having an orgasm and I have tears down my face. Oh my god, I'm crying right now. I literally cried because it was so. I can't even tell you if I was like happy or just like.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna lie. I felt violated the first time. I was like, did I just come that fast? Like you.
Speaker 1:I put it as I said. I literally sat there in shock. I was like I did this same thing. I literally turned it on and I threw it to the side. I said, oh, oh, it's like that, like I need, I'm ready, let's go.
Speaker 2:He's a demon, he's a diamond, he's a diamond.
Speaker 1:So again, second review please go do yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna share the one. Yeah, I'm gonna share the one that I bought. I think it's the same one as yours. What color? Purple purple's my favorite color blue.
Speaker 1:I got the royal blue. It's pretty.
Speaker 2:I got the purple she cute, she, I'm over here, she cute. I Love that we were supposed to talk about something so different and we're over here about, like, office fire, and I love it. I love when these type of episodes happen, though, because we do really like write our like, write fun scripts, and then we're like, yeah, we did our research, fuck yeah, and then we go way off talk topic, but I think that's because I had so much shit to talk about. That happened to me this week between, like the blacking out and catching up On TV shows, getting a new rose like that's historical shit.
Speaker 1:Not okay. For those of you that don't know, natalie, sorry. Yeah, whatever you just said, natalie always calls a coke a cock.
Speaker 2:I do.
Speaker 1:I like.
Speaker 2:I'll go to McDonald's is my favorite thing to do. I'll go to McDonald's, I said, and I say can I get a large iced cock please?
Speaker 1:Dude, I'm a waitress at a restaurant and tell me why the other day I'm hungover. First, this was probably yesterday, I was hungover from drinking wine the night before and I'm at work and I'm like can I get a cock? My manager looked at. My manager is my age, 28, 29, and he looked at me like what the fuck did you just say? And a customer Is.
Speaker 2:It's not the best reaction ever. Because they they're like wait, you sound southern, but you also sit that in a Boston accent. You're like, yeah, can I get a cock please? I asked for a pack a crispy cold crack. Please do it again and keep doing it. I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start getting the reactions of the McDonald's drive-thru because I literally be like wait, what did you say? And I said, yeah, ice cold, large cock. It's Robin eyes favorite thing to do, like if I'm hungover. I'm like can I get a McDonald's ten piece nuggets with a cock please? And I wait. When you're ordering a Mexican Coke, you're like can I get a Mexican crack?
Speaker 1:Oh, oh my gosh, my cheeks are flushed from all this giggling. But I just had to share that because the look and my manager's eyes was like what's the fuck is wrong with you, like dude.
Speaker 2:I think that people think that with me and Rob because him and I come up with the dumbest shit, like coke cock. And well, the way we talked to each other, I'm like dude, we would literally get cancelled. Like if people there was a fucking camera on our in our house. Like we would literally get cancelled for the way we speak to each other. For fun, just for fun. You know what recently we've been saying? Cuz I was literally talking about how Kim Kardashian, like her skims line.
Speaker 2:I ordered a swimsuit one time and I don't I guess miss Kim must only have one labia lip because I got the swimsuit bottoms and it literally only covered one pussy lip. And I was like, how is she wearing these? Because her ass is fatter than mine, so I know her kuchi is thicker than mine. And so Rob is like Just calling myself out, he's like this because you probably got a fat pus. And I was like I hate it here. But that's the shit we say to each other, but like I hate that word. If you're literally pus, you're gonna fat pus Like it's, like I hate it, I literally I gag. I'm like don't ever say you want to fuck my puss again.
Speaker 1:Oh, my god, I hate that word too. And you know what's worse. Actually, I'm going to make an announcement. There is a doctor, a veterinarian, who lives within the Corpus Christi area and I'll fall in. And so I went to the vet one time and I'm talking to this man and I'm telling him that Lola had puss in her eye and I was like it was like puss, I was like and I said pussie, pussie. Yeah, I don't know pussie eye.
Speaker 1:Like I just was talking to a medical doctor for my dog and he's like how do you spell that?
Speaker 2:He was being sexual, Bro. He was literally be pussy.
Speaker 1:You know shit. Yeah, I literally said he goes how do you spell that? And I like giggled, just like not really listening. I was like huh, and I was like wait what, like what, wait what? And then he just like dropped it, because I just said wait what he's like no, and I was like we attractive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's just like I've heard many allegations around him around sexual like misconduct. So oh, no, dude, you know what I mean Because, like I experienced his inappropriate comment, it's just like you are attractive but like you know that you're using that out of line when I'm like here with my dog and I'm worried. Come on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, tell me why I was like is he attractive? Like I was like you should fuck him.
Speaker 1:No, and I was so no, what Nat?
Speaker 2:Well, I was just staring at you with her fucking closed eye. You're like yeah, I said, I said pussy bitch.
Speaker 1:Wrong time. Wrong, wrong time. You know what? Before I went in there, he kept, like, looking at me and I was like, is this motherfucker Like you can meet the guys right now, you trying to fuck, or what? No, he's in trouble, it's like.
Speaker 2:It's like the start of an opening fucking porn episode, dude. It's like hot Latina babe bringing her dog with a pussy.
Speaker 1:It's a how do you spell that? And it does a close up on my mouth as I'm like yeah.
Speaker 2:P P. Hey, I think we can make money off that one dude.
Speaker 1:I think we got that, yeah, yeah, forget about the dog Lola by.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sorry, can you put? Can you put it up in the kennel while I fuck you?
Speaker 1:Savannah, can you come get Lola and put her in the kennel.
Speaker 2:I gotta speak to her mom about her pussy eye. I ate it. You know what? The last two things I want to talk about? I've been wanting to talk about this. I recently saw real where the guy's like showing what's a guy with fake tits, but he's only showing his tits. And he's on Omegle and dude the weird shit that the guys. One of the guys was like smelling the toilet. He was like oh, I'm smelling your farts, do you like that? I was like is this what we're doing now? Is this what we're fucking doing? And then there was another man that came on there. He was like. He was like please show me your boobs, please show me. I know I'm not worthy, he's like, he's like, but I just really want to jack off my tiny dick. And I was like what the fuck are we doing here, smelling farts and degrading ourselves? Now men Like I was shocked Kings.
Speaker 2:Like I've heard of if Rob ever said he wanted to smell my fart, to turn him on. I'm getting a divorce yesterday.
Speaker 1:Girls will literally mason jar their fucking farts and then mel them. I'll smell my own farts all fucking day, but like people do their nail clippings, they do their underwear, they do. They do so many different things Like we forget that there's weird shit out there. But there's weird shit out there and like we really like I don't know what you do with 80% of your day. Let me find out. You're over there just fucking buying socks from like men or something and sniffing on like you just never know.
Speaker 2:You know, you actually know what I was thinking about now that we're talking about this, like super single behavior, like when you live by yourself, like off of sex in the city. She was like there's just things that I do that I don't want Aiden to see and like do you know what yours is? Like the weird thing that you know I'm saying, do you know what it is? What?
Speaker 1:Oh, what Are you about to? Literally? I thought you're about to blast me.
Speaker 2:I'm like I don't know what my super single behavior is.
Speaker 1:Super single behavior.
Speaker 2:Like that you wouldn't want a man to see. I don't know, maybe it's like cutting my toenails. Like I get pleasure like cutting my own toenails, like grooming my own because I hate feet and so like I hate when my toenails get long, so like I get pleasure out of like getting out my own fucking ingrown toenails I'm blasting myself today. Yeah, you are, I'm sweating, I'm sweating, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:I'm a very introverted person when it comes to men. Tell me why, I don't know, not all the time, but like when I have a partner, someone like I can be very shy, like I just shut the fuck down. That's just who I am. I try not to be.
Speaker 2:You are shy, so like.
Speaker 1:I'm not thinking of like embarrassing things, I'm thinking of like, right now, what do I do every morning? I dance. Would I dance if there was a man in my apartment? I don't know, I don't think you would, I don't think you would? I don't think I would either. And I like, I look good, I'm like fucking washing machinery, you know like I'm moving my hips, I'm goomy eyeing. But I don't think I would either.
Speaker 2:Well, that's something to be aware of If you start, stop doing that because of a man.
Speaker 1:I just have to do it because I get nervous. I have to work on my confidence around, like those types of things, but that's where my mind goes to is like like cutting my toenails and you're like.
Speaker 2:I like to do the dance and shake my hands, yeah. I shake my hands at the club, but when I'm like right now, right here, and the sun lights, yeah, the other thing that I want to talk about is I sent Lex and I really want to do this. I really really want to do this, Lex. There have been reels going around of people in prison like attractive men from prison looking for pen pals, and I really think it'd be so fun for Lex and I to become friends with wine.
Speaker 1:No, because I'll fall in love. I love thugs.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you all seen y'all. If I'm gonna, that's another thing I'm adding it to my to-do list. When this episode drops is writing out or finding these fucking guys and sharing it, because I really think I don't know if y'all have come across this page. I actually sent it to our Instagram at a hone house wife podcast page. Let me pull it up because I just need y'all to fucking like. I'm going to share with y'all the at name, first off, and then secondly. I think we should do this. The at name is Idaho inmate pen pal. There are there are 39.7 K followers and literally they give you all their information to start talking to them.
Speaker 1:I really listen to this guy.
Speaker 3:I am 34 years old. I'm San Antonio, texas, living in Boise, idaho, just looking for some, for somebody to talk to Get to reach me on J pay. My number is 126331.
Speaker 1:Looking forward to hearing from you Get that out of my face.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's attractive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, I know I like thugs, don't we know that like red flags are?
Speaker 2:his names, miguel Godinia, and we can reach him at 126331. I want to do this so bad. It'd be a fun experiment.
Speaker 1:I'm going to write a letter to my dad, okay.
Speaker 2:Like this is like. This is trauma for me.
Speaker 1:I never even wrote my dad back. Are we kidding, like what? If?
Speaker 2:these okay. What if we became friends with one and we, like we, find out why they're in jail? What if they're innocent? What if we help them get out?
Speaker 1:Then we have to Kim.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a big dude. And then we can ask her how a fucking baker actually small her vagina is. Like I'm dead serious.
Speaker 1:Can we see it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, let me see your fucking pussy right now, bitch.
Speaker 1:Like the girls locker rooms we all look at ours.
Speaker 2:Okay, I think we should wrap it up. This episode went way different. We were we'll save this week's content for next week's episode.
Speaker 1:Tell me how we're talking about. I love thugs and I have a newspaper in my home right now With, with, with two jail babes of mine Wait this is amazing, you guys.
Speaker 2:There's a. There's a fucking newspaper in our hometown. You will literally get blasted if you get arrested over the weekend.
Speaker 1:It literally says jail babes.
Speaker 2:It literally says jail babes. I want to, I do, I like. My biggest fear is getting arrested and having to do the overnight stay. I would literally panic, you think so Going into it, yes, I mean, I would have to just get over it. I'm not trying to look like a pussy in the fucking Britain in jail, but like I think I'd be fine.
Speaker 1:I think my biggest thing is is like not, you know me, if I'm cold, I'm cold and I know it's cold in there. And if they give me no clothes and if I'm like they better give me socks and a blanket. You think I'm going to sit there with a t shirt and like.
Speaker 2:Lex is going to get your ass be because she just shut up.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I probably will, because I'll be like I'm what's up, I'm here, I'm not. As well, let's go. Never fought before I'm down.
Speaker 2:I would love to see us in a fight. No, I don't. No, I don't, I don't want to wish that upon us. No, I don't Take it back. Universe, I take it back.
Speaker 1:It's okay, everybody knows jujitsu. It's up for me, you and you and Lex will be fine.
Speaker 2:I miss the fucking punching bag when I was drunk. Can you imagine me being drunk and trying to fight somebody? Yeah, no thanks, no thanks. Anyways, thanks for listening to another episode of a hoe and housewife. You can find us on Instagram and take talk at a hoe and housewife podcast. We love you guys. This was fun. I enjoyed this episode. My pussy's already throbbing thinking about I was literally about to say that my pussy throb thinking about my motherfucking rose next to my nightstand right now, so I might go take a little afternoon. Yeah, no, dude, I'm here alone. I have nobody. I'm a feral fucking cat right now.
Speaker 1:We'll have fun. Thank you for listening. We love you. Have a great week. We appreciate you.
Speaker 2:We'll see you, bye.
