Curiosity Versus Ego for Anxiety Relief!

Curiosity Versus Ego for Anxiety Relief! Is your curiosity bigger than your ego? Prof. Lee Cronin maintains that  "If your ego is bigger than your curiosity then you cannot do science. Period." / Twitter.Nov 25, 2021
In this episode of Get Real with The English Sisters we talk about how children are naturally curious and always learning! For most of us  there comes a time in our lives when we think that we know what we need to know and our ego can get in the way of learning new things. We stop being curious about learning and discovering new things and often stop being interested in different points of views.
We naturally come to the conclusion that its healthier to let go of ego and to embrace a life of life long learning! It is a good thing to nurture this in our children and in ourselves for a healthier, happier, anxiety free life!
What are your thoughts? Are you still learning new things? Let us know! We love to hear from you!

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi from the English sisters and welcome to Get Real with the English sisters. Today we'll be talking about curiosity and is your curiosity bigger than your ego? Is it now? It's mine.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

We're having a laugh because it's it was a little bit awkward to get our heads around it at first.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Yeah, I mean really I think if you understand that I think if you understand that the fact is that if your curiosity is bigger than your ego, then you're always going to be able to learn. Because the curiosity No, if your ego is bigger than your curiosity, then I think in the end your your self-esteem and what what you how you value yourself is already so big that there's not much room for kind of like being curious about new stuff, is there? Do you know what I mean?

unknown 1:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

The ego is bigger than the curiosity. Yeah. Well, it kind of does, yeah. I mean, it's not a kind of a normal thing one would think about, but if you actually think about it, who was it that said that? Why why were we Well, I heard it I think in a podcast or something, and it was Professor Lee Cronin, and it was on Twitter actually, and he he said, if your ego is bigger than you your curiosity, then you cannot do science, period. I suppose scientists have to always be curious, don't they, to learn to discover new discoveries. Yeah, they have to be so curious. I mean, I think that's one of the fundamental uh things you have to be as a scientist is curiosity. Ever since you're like two, three, four, five, then if you've got that curious mindset, then you could well become a scientist. Well, we always have ingrained curiosity. My daughter's a scientist, and her curiosity was enormous as a child, do you remember? She was curious about everything. But I think curiosity comes with play a lot. If you allow your children to play. Well, yeah, I guess so. You have that kind of plainful mindset, then you're not in your own ego all the time. But if we come away from children, we become more thinking of, yeah, like you know, adults. Because children, I think they're naturally curious, and if a child isn't naturally curious, then that's because he's he's being or or she or they are being limited by someone by someone, yeah. Or something. Yeah, their environment. Some someone or something is so limiting that they're not allowed, they cannot actually be curious. But yeah, I think I remember when I got to around, I mean, after I did after I did university and everything, I remember I got to around when I was around 35 when I thought I'd learn everything because I'd you know I knew I just finished learning kind of thing. Yeah. And then it wasn't until I started studying uh hypnosis and NLP that the lifelong learning thing came back into play and the curious element came back into being curious. Yeah, I do think that's a very standard way of living, you know. Most people live their lives like that. You kind of get stagnant, don't you? Yeah, I think you go to school, then you go to uni if you go college, whatever, and then you think, oh, I finished learning. Unless it's just like learning for work, like new uh programs programs, yeah, force you have like forced learning, like you have to do a course because you're at work. You're at work, it's for work. You have to keep up with with the yeah, yeah. Otherwise, I think that's about it, yeah. I think that's quite dangerous because I think my kids are terribly dangerous, really. Well, especially if you can get so convinced with your ideas that you won't accept the new technologies or the new ideas that are coming in. Well, that's it, that's your your ego as well, isn't it? Your ego is because you you become like big-headed. Well, you kind of think I've been there, done that, and I know it. Exactly. Well, the definition of ego is defined as a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Self-importance. So there you go. I mean, we all have an ego, and some of us have a larger ego than others. Well, what do you think about then that self-importance has come to mind uh thinking about the people that have like that? I was watching a programme the other day and they said a lot of actors feel like as if they're faking it, they have that syndrome. It's like a lack of uh self-importance. That's syndrome's called. Can you remember? No, I know what you're talking about though. It's when you have when you think you're not qualified enough, but really you are qualified enough. Yeah, God, what is it? Yeah, I know what imposter syndrome. Imposter, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

I knew it was some kind of syndrome. Yeah, that and they said loads of actors it. I was watching a documentary saying that lots of actors have the imposter, even after they won Oscars and things.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

I mean, I suppose they are imposters in a way because they're like playing the part. Is an imposter, but then it's not really an imposter because they're supposed to be playing the part, but they're in someone else's shoes, really. Yeah, yeah. I don't I yeah, that is different to what we're actually saying about curiosity though. I think that's a that's another kind of um another kind of thing, the imposter syndrome. I think it but you were right in saying that once most people, once we finish uni, uh or what even if you didn't go to uni, I mean I didn't go to university, but it it whatever. Once you finish your study, you finish your study, you finish studying, then you might start working, and then you think you've done your learning. I think you've done it. Because I suppose we have been learning for so many years. Even if you only go up to 16 or 18, it's still most of your life. By the time you finish that, you think, wow, sick of it. But that's a shame, really, isn't it? Well, I think it is a shame because I think if you if you teach your children from when they're really tiny that it's lifelong learning and you never ever ever finish learning like what we know now. Yes, yeah. I mean, it's amazing, and it life becomes so much more inspiring because we you learn so so many things. Nowadays you can learn from so many different methods, like from podcasts and from watching YouTube videos, and learning doesn't have to be strictly in the academic sense of the boring, if you think about it like really boring books and textbooks that were hard to comprehend. Nowadays, learning can really be. I mean, if you if you get your ego out of the way and you don't think I know everything, and I and I then curiosity can just be set free and you can really start absorbing these new things that you learn all the time in random, the most random ways. I think it's really well I think now that you look at well, we look everything up, but that I mean that's amazing. That is that you can just look things up quickly and find a whole wheel of it before you'd have to go to the library and stuff. Exactly. So, how do we get our egos sort of put our egos at bay? What what's you know, what's the solution? If someone is lifelong learning, I think you think if someone if someone if you always put yourself into the state that you're cons continuously learning and you can always get feedback from other people, but yeah, I think if your ego is that big you don't even have you don't even the the question is not posed in your mind, is it? Then it's a dead end for you, yeah. Then it's a dead end, yeah. I mean unless you're listening to something and you randomly spark and it sparks and you you suddenly realize that that you that this is happening to you. But because if this resonates with open to the mentality, because if you're not then there's no there's there's no there's no point, it's like beating what's it called flogging a dead horse expression. Yeah, there's no point because it's awful, really. I don't even know what it means really. But having you can't bring it, you can't get life out of something that's not flogg is to beat to beat. Yeah, no, it's oh how awful! Because in the olden days they would beat the horses so they'd run faster. Oh, I see. Gosh, that's really is a horrific expression. I think it really should be very archaic. I think we should put it to rest. You should put it to rest, you said it. Definitely let's put that one to rest, it's horrific. Oh dear, but it certainly gets a message across. I mean, yeah, I've understood what you're meaning. You shouldn't it's the dead, the dead part. So if your mind is kind of like dead in a way, you can't beat it and you can't you can't stimulate it in any way. So so let's not have these open to open to new possibilities and new learnings. I think we all have to become aware of it. Always, I mean, there's always going to be a part of I think nearly everybody that thinks that that's it, you know, I've done it. I mean most of us, most of us do, including ourselves. When you reach an adult, you don't also because you you you you get tired, don't you? You get tired, tired and you think I've done enough, I can't cope with anything else. But I think that the the the tiredness also comes with the fact that you're not open. Because when you open up to new learnings, then you suddenly become inspired, and then like what we were saying in the other podcast, we did, then then everything just becomes easier and flows easier and you have more energy. Yeah, but how can you open up? What's the secret to opening up and to becoming aware? The secret to opening up is learning. I know, but if you're closed and you can't and you you why is this using to know the answer?

SPEAKER_01 10:23

I've said it, it's lifelong learning. That's my question. Now she's trying to beat me. Trying to beat me into an answer. Insisting, insisting. If you don't have another answer to my question, then you give me the answer. Give me my answer. What's your answer?

SPEAKER_00 10:42

I think it's quite tricky, really, because I do think if somebody's ego in the sense of not in a malicious sense or anything, I think if their ego is fully satisfied with themselves, then it is like what you said, then the mind is just sort of at peace in a way, and there's no interest for new learnings. I really don't think But sometimes I'm just thinking of maybe older people, sometimes a new like like I was thinking of dad. Yeah. When when we had children and we told we told Dad like to stop smoking, yeah. Before he was utterly convinced, I know it's not a new learning, but for him it was a kind of new learning that he had to relearn how not to do something anymore. Yeah, and he did it because he had a motivation because that we said that you can't come near our children if you're smoking. Yeah, we were so strict, yeah. That in the end. And so he quickly stopped smoking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when we were pregnant, you remember we can't come near us if we if we're pregnant and you're smoking. Yeah, I do remember that. So the motivation has to be hard. That was exactly there was an external motivation, like a little seed was set. Or like oh yeah, like when he had when they had to come to Italy, other ones had to learn Italian. Yes. I mean, I don't think their egos weren't that big. No, they were all they were used to being always. It's a bit different for them, but I think I think if you have an out an exterior motivation, I think that's why people like doctors are continuously, they continuously have to learn because the motivation is if you if you don't learn the need to be. That's at the job, like what we were getting before it kicked out. That's a different kind of uh that that that's a forced kind of learning. That forced kind of learning kind of does keep you up to date. Oh no, definitely. And maybe it does keep your goodness gracious me. I mean, with doctors, we would hope that that would always be forced upon them, really. Many arrogant ones, many, many arrogant ones that have big egos and then they've still becoming good ones. Not at all. You never want them. You'd rather have a younger person, yeah, that will Google stuff in our experience. We have had doctors that we've spoken to that just literally just look at their phones and say, Oh, yeah, that's it. I've just Googled it. I mean, great. In some obviously, not for super important things, but when they want to find out more information about something to give you more an informed opinion, yes, yes, they can. Well, there's nothing wrong with that, and I would really highly appreciate people like that that will do that because it also means they're open to collaboration. People that are open to collaborations usually have uh smaller egos because they collaborate with maybe that's a thing as well, collaboration. Hmm, would you accept that? What what is that the answer as well? Collaborate. Maybe that's why scientists have to collaborate. Collaborate, yeah. A lot of the times they have to work in teams, don't they? Yeah, scientists are amazing because they have to go through all that rejection, a rejected paper, rejected uh some things don't go right. Nothing goes right practically. Nothing years and years to get results. Yeah, they have great, great resilience, don't they? A lot of rejection, and a lot of times the experiments fail. That is so true. So no wonder he says that you can't have if your curiosity, if your ego's larger than your curiosity, then you can't do science. I mean, there's no wonder in that. So maybe we should all think of ourselves as like little scientists going around the world and discovering it. Discovering it and yeah, just a good thing. Maybe we should all think of ourselves as uh you know in uh in that could be the solution to think that we're like all scientists and we're all going to discover the explorer. Dora and kind of learn to explore our own minds and learn in our own worlds, in our own worlds and learn, and then just become aware, I think, that if we do become just I think if we ask ourselves the questions, is my ego larger than my curiosity? If you can understand and comprehend that question at a certain level, and you really ask yourself that question. I mean, we're gonna challenge you now, ask yourself that question and see what comes up just off the top of your head. If you if you do think it's yes or if you think it's no, and then if you say no, ask yourself why? Why is it no? Is it because you are open to new learnings no matter and when I say learnings, I mean learnings from everybody. You know, it could be a neighbor that just gives you a new piece of information about something. Oh, did you know you're painting your fence? Well, why don't you try using this other paint or something? You know, did you know you could paint your fences with um with a kind of colour that comes from grass? What is it? Chlorophine, what's that called? Chlorophyll. Chlorophyll. You can actually paint, you can use that as a paint, and you know, and that's like super ecological. Just just notice if you if you just kind of dismiss notions or if you're if you're open to to listening. That'd be more like a stain, I would imagine. It stains the wood. It kind of does stain the wood. It's like a protection, does it protect? Not much, but it kind of gives it colour and it's ecological, like if you want to have your vegetable patch like what we've done here in our garden. For the compost heat, we just stained it. But it doesn't look like it doesn't look ugly anymore. It kind of blends in with the rest of the garden. But you just used palettes, so you didn't really need protection, did you? No, because I'm just thinking, but you can find the ecological ones. Well, yeah, but that this is what I mean by um l not having a large ego. Asking questions. Well, not even asking, but being open to what other people are saying to you, you know, anybody like um and also I think it helps like if you have a different political point of view, if you if you if you Yeah, politics. If you politics, there's a lot of people very set in their mindset and they weren't there's a lot of arguments. I mean, even in couples and things about that. Oh, families are destroyed through policy. So if you can be open to other people's point of view as well, maybe learning other, you know, going into the background, studying things, finding out why uh people are doing what they're doing, uh you know, all these kinds of things. Oh, yeah, definitely. If you can kind of just take a deep breath, and when they're talking about something that maybe from yeah, keeping quiet and also listening, maybe as well. Active listening. Active listening is when you actually do listen and you don't interrupt and you you know and you absorb the information, you absorb it without you haven't, you haven't, or you're not already thinking of the answer. No, I think if you're if you if you manage to have this kind of curious mindset, then even if the person that you're having a dialogue with is saying something that you're totally against, you can think I wonder why this person is saying this. And I think if you you're in the position of wonder and you're already in your mind, you have the words I wonder why, then you're going to be naturally curious and your mind will be stimulated. I think you always have to be in that position of wonder in life in general. You know, if you think I wonder why, then that I think that's the answer, isn't it? Then your curiosity is bigger, it is bigger than your ego naturally. Wonderment because you're in a position of wonderment always. I wonder why that's happening. I wonder why, I wonder why. I wonder why he or she or they are shouting right now, and they're shouting at me. And and if you wonder, then you're not in your position, your ego is not already in that fired up, fired up and getting angry and saying, look at them shouting at me. You're in the position of wonderment. So you're thinking, Oh I wonder why, what what's got them so upset? And then you can be it's gonna radically change the way you think and the way you live your life, basically, isn't it? Definitely. I mean, I think I think I try and I try and live like putting yourself in other people's shoes and listening, yeah. Yeah, putting yourself in other people's shoes. I think if you do put yourself in other people's shoes, you're already your ego is not that big. How could it be big? You've come out of your own body, as to say, in your own mind, and you're in somebody else's. That's a pure definition of being in a state of curiosity and wonderment. I mean, that would be amazing. That's a solution then. Yeah, if we could all do that. That would be that more than that. If we could do that, I think we'd be because then you would learn from everyone you meet. Would be complete uh complete uh empathy, love. It's I think it's practically impossible, but I think if we did that, even just to 1% you know, in in every day from every person that we encounter, I think it would be an absolutely amazing world if we did that. There'd be no imagine the road rage. How could you scream at somebody else when you're driving if you put yourselves in their shoes, even or imaginary? You just imagine that they're the people that have a road rage is because their egos are so big that they think they can drive so well. Yes, I do think that is. That could be part of it. Yeah, they have anger issues in other areas as well. But I do think if they let curiosity become bigger, then they would suddenly become curious and say, I wonder why that person's driving so slow. I wonder why. Maybe something's happened. Maybe they're not feeling too good, or maybe they've had some bad news, and then the curiosity would definitely uh help a lot, wouldn't it? Yes, it would definitely help a lot. That could be the biggest solution, just say put yourself in somebody else's shoes to in order to have this curious mindset, being in a state of wonderment and wonder, ask yourself, I wonder why. And then if that's not working, try and put yourself in their shoes, maybe. Put yourself in their shoes, two, and three, and three would be lifelong learning. Lifelong learning, definitely. What do you want? Four as well. Five. You want five? Four would be active listening. Yeah, definitely. Active listening. And five. And five, we could say actively listen to yourself as well, and what you're what's going on in your mind. Watch out for your ego and put a barrier there. Put a barrier up. Stop sign. Stop ego now, and and put like a big stop sign. Yeah, is that five? That's five. Yeah, that's five. So there you go. So five reasons, five reasons, and five uh kind of little hacks. Uh, how you can get your curiosity to become larger than your ego and keep the ego at bay. And I think just as a bonus, always keep the child within you alive. Bravo, yes, bravo, bravo in Italian, bravo in English. Yes, I think definitely. Yeah, I think that's children are naturally curious. Even though that's egos are small. Even though when you are uh a grown-up person, some people just can't remember that child within the five. I don't think you can, always. There's always there's always some little toy or something that brings it back, a little smell. A little smell, yeah. Oh yeah. But smells, but obviously, if you've had an unhappy childhood, you might not want to do that, but you can still give your inner child a hug. Absolutely, yeah. And maybe if you haven't been able to be curious when you were little, as therapists will say, you can always give your inner child, your little child that was inside you, that five-year-old child, a hug, and then go and explore with that little five-year child what you would have liked to do at that age. What you if you had all the wonderful possibilities, if you had all the crayons and drawings and the parks and the the blossom and the trees and anything you want is balloons and balloons and cakes and parties and go and explore with your little inner child. Yeah, just daydream with her with them. Daydream with them and and and explore. And explore and have wonderful possibilities. Yeah, I was thinking about those things where you blow bubbles now, you know, they were always so fascinating. It's just soap and dishwater, wasn't it? It was just just nothing. Just nothing, yeah, just nothing. So enjoy and let us know. Let us know what you think, and please follow us on uh Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast. And if you'd like to see the video, come and watch it on YouTube as well. Bye bye. Bye bye. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye.