The Good, The Bad, The Ugly of Deserving it All - Anxiety Relief

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly of Deserving it All - Anxiety Relief
Do we really deserve it all? Are you worth it?
There is a new kind of thinking that has developed over time that can create a culture of entitlement and of deserving to have it all!
We are constantly bombarded with advertisements that condition and encourage us to feel that we deserve that glass of wine, the chocolates, the new necklace or new car! However this can be a cause of anxiety making us feel worse. Maybe we should ask ourselves the following questions -
Does this serve us?
Will this be good for us in the long run?
What effects will this actually have on us?
The ugly truth is that deserving it all when it comes to food or material things can have disastrous consequences for our mental health. This sense of entitlement can lead us to feel frustrated, angry and anxious when are expectations are not met.
Whereas to think we deserve self respect, healthy relationships, and to be treated kindly can help us live a happier, healthier and more fulfilled life!
What are your thoughts? We love to hear from you!

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi and welcome to Get Real Wheel with the English sisters. Hi there everyone. Hello. And today we're going to be talking about entitlement. Yes, I mean, do we really deserve it all? Do we deserve it all? Are you worth it? I don't know if it's the same as are you worth it.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

I think that's a different kind of question she's already started.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Do you deserve to have it all? Um, well, it's kind of like, you know, there is there is a new era and a new kind of thinking that has developed uh over time, and it is more like the the kind of thing you deserve it, you deserve it all. You deserve to get yourself this. You deserve to have that. Yes, you deserve to have that food, you deserve to have. I mean, if you look at marketing nowadays, it's all about telling us what we deserve to have. I mean, the idea came up because I saw an advert and it and it actually had you deserve it, you deserve it, like three or four exclamation marks, and I suddenly thought, yeah, I deserve it. I guess, in a way, yeah, I guess you can deserve it, but what about if we think we deserve it? I mean, do we really deserve it? And what about what is this? Deserve. What about if we think I don't really like it? What about what is this? Is it serving us? Exactly. That that's a better way of thinking, you know, than deserve. It's like you deserve it, you know. It's like I don't know. I I like my my mind kind of like I don't like that. You don't like that? No, because it feels it makes me remind me when you're a kid, you know, you don't deserve to get a good Christmas present because you've been naughty or something. Do you know what I mean? It's kind of like weird. It it brings about something I'm not quite sure what to most people it doesn't bring that about. I think most people think, yes, I do deserve it. Because I've worked hard all day, yeah, and I deserve it. I deserve to get that, or I deserve to treat myself to that new necklace, or I deserve to have a new car. Yes, I deserve it because we're all unfortunately we're all conditioned by the marketing. Yes, we are. But do you think this creates anxiety in people? Definitely. I mean, it it can also create a sense of entitlement to think I do deserve this, and I mean, without talking about actually the narcissistic psychological, you know, problem behind it, but just like a normal kind of sense of entitlement, not not really severe, yeah, where you become into the you know narcissistic syndrome and everything, but just normal kind of definitely I think it can bring about great anxiety and a great sense of you're never happy, are you? If you always think you deserve everything. If you feel that kind of you're never going to be able to have everything, are you? Exactly. And then even if you do like think, I deserve this, I deserve that extra glass of wine, I deserve that, but how much is it actually serving you? Is it doing you good or is it doing in is it doing you harm? Well, in the case of yeah, food and and drinking and other kind of addictions, I I'm not I mean But I'm not saying addicted, but just saying like in the evening, if you just a normal, yeah, I deserve that glass of wine. Yeah, that thought goes through many persons' minds. Most people that drink wine are thought that. I guess so, yeah, yeah, definitely. Or I deserve to have that lager or beer or whatever. Yeah, because you know, I've I'm I'm celebrating an achievement or something. But you can think I deserve it, but then when you have it, then you think, what what are the co consequences? I mean, if you don't really want to think about the consequences have a glass of wine every every day at the end of the week, that's so you know, it builds up. But what are the consequences for your health, for your well-being? Does it end up stressing you out more? Does it end up maybe making you not sleep as well? Because we know alcohol has um repercussions on on your sleep, it affects it, doesn't it? I didn't really realise that, but yeah, it probably does. Yeah, because it kind of makes you fall asleep really quickly, and but then it wakes you up, it disturbs your sleeping patterns. Well, I didn't really realise that. Yeah, that that that that that is true. I mean, I think maybe instead of saying it to ourselves, if we catch ourselves thinking that thought, I deserve this, maybe we can think of what you just said, is this serving me? So after the question, I deserve this, example, glass of wine, then we can ask ourselves the question, will this glass of wine serve me? And your your answer might well be, yes, it will serve me. I'm gonna feel relaxed and I'm gonna feel this, and then then you have another question you can ask yourself if you if you want to, you know. So you will feel relaxed, but then and then answer the following little questions. You have this little mental game going on in your mind. It could be useful. Well, it could be because anyway, so but then will it make me put weight on? Will it not help me sleep? Will it um will it have any other negative consequences? So ultimately, do I really deserve it? No, you don't deserve it. You deserve better, would be the answer in this case. Your body and your brain deserves better, because in the end it's gonna be ultimately, you know. If we deserve better, then we can think will it will it make our lives better? And then in turn, will we be better for it? We will be better for it in this particular case, but there's also the sense of entitlement that comes from just thinking that you could should be treated better by other people, and like if you're queuing up in a line, for example, you would naturally expect to be served. The first one, you know, we've met people like that that have this great sense of entitlement, but I don't think well, I don't think they know about that. I mean, they're just gonna do that anyway, aren't they? Yeah, unless you actually point it out, if you're gonna be the kind of person that points it out, I'm certainly not like that. No, I'm not gonna go and say, look, you've skipped the line. No, no, no, no. I know what you mean, but it's it's like um the whole point of if you do you really deserve it. I think if if I I suppose if you're really like chronically entitled yourself, you wouldn't even think that because you would just think, of course I deserve it. I deserve to get a better job. Yeah, well, often often very chronically entitled people are rude. I mean, we've all come across them in the workplace. Sometimes you've got a family member when you just know they kind of they're kind of like entitled, and you say, Hey, where does that come from? It comes from themselves, maybe from upbringing, from surroundings, etc. And you just think, God, they just think they deserve everything. And um ultimately though, they're not they're never gonna be very, unfortunately, very, very happy people because they're always gonna have a sense of frustration. Because then you never really do get everything that you feel a lot of the times that you do deserve if you are if you do have this kind of entitled approach. I think it can be the opposite as well, though. I think some people may think they don't deserve anything. Oh, absolutely. That what that's so I think that's when it can be useful to think, hey, this you know, I do I do deserve better. I don't I don't deserve to be in this abusive relationship, for example. No, no. Or I don't deserve to be treated like that by by whoever it is that's looking down at me or just being rude to me. In most cases, in our line of work, we find that kind of example. Exactly. You know, where this is a bit of a provocation, you know, the entitled, Do you really deserve it? Most cases, the people that we we we help and we treat are the people that do suffer from great low self-esteem and do not think that they deserve it. But paradoxically, it can be that you can have a great sense of entitlement and yet underlying a very, very, you know, you can have low self low self-esteem issues coming from that. So it it's a bit it's a bit of a tricky one, really, isn't it? It is a bit of a tricky one. I think that's why there is a the ugly truth in it. There is an ugly truth. The ugly truth is that it can be very detrimental to your life to have this kind of entitled attitude, but that at the same time it's a good thing to have because if you do have some kind like what you sense it, what you just said, I do feel as though I am entitled to get a better job position or to get a raise or to to stick up for my rights, and that's that's that's ultimately that's a brilliant thing to do in your life. Maybe we can separate the two from the marketing where you says, Do you deserve material things or or or food or drink? But really, it's all about selling, isn't it? That's about selling. That's about you're being marketed to you're being sold this thing, you've been sold a new necklace, a new piece of jewellery, the new car, yeah, the dress, the outfit, whatever it is, yeah. And then there's the other side of it is do you deserve to be treated in a certain kind of way, a better way? Yes, yes. And then, but then I don't know if that is entitlement though. I don't I don't think. No, no, not in that kind of way. No, that's just that's just what basically human rights and human needs. Yes, that's that's that's a human need. What I meant was when you encounter people that can be can appear really rude, you know, because they they appear and you think, goodness me, you know, what why should you just jump the line or why should you get your coffee served first? I remember when we've been in Italy for a long time, I went to England with uh with my husband and children. And there was like there was the bus stop, and we just arrived and we just got on the bus and then all the time. And you didn't realise there was uh I didn't because in Italy you don't you don't queue in Italy and it wasn't like a well-formed queue, like it's really obvious at the bus station. And then I just suddenly saw everyone looking at us, and then I thought this, I think we've jumped the queue. You know, we've jumped the queue without realizing it. Oh my gosh, we're so used to being in Italy now, and we hadn't realized there's a queue, and it was so awfully embarrassing. But I mean, that's because that's a culture thing though, isn't it? You remembered it and you felt embarrassed, so therefore you you are not an entitled person. The the the opposite of that is not feeling embarrassed and just going through and thinking yes. I suddenly realised it and I said to my husband, Oh god, look, we've we've jumped the queue, and I think afterwards we apologise and they said it was okay or whatever. That's just a culture thing. I do think in Italy though, the actual thing of feeling quite entitled, like the children definitely grow up to feel entitled, like they're they're like very, very precious. Uh, also, maybe because in Italy there's not that many children being born, and there's a very low nativity rate, so maybe that's one of the reasons because I don't think it was like that after the Second World War kind of generation, you know. I think this is more of a new thing, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe you know, they do say La Mamma, well, you know, the Italian mamma spoils, yeah, that's the typical stereotypical yeah. So I don't think Italian children do think they deserve a lot, yes. I mean, I would consider them to be quite entitled, exactly, because they think they well, where we are generally speaking, they think they deserve to have been you know be bought a house. A house their parents have to deserve to be given everything.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

And we live in Italy, yeah. We've got like a different idea now. No, do we really have to buy you a house?

SPEAKER_01 12:24

And they're not pushed out like they are in London in the UK, even now, they're not as pushed out now because it's it's more difficult in buying property and everything, but in general in England, I think they're given the nudge. To be nudged out of whereas here you're encouraged more to sort of stay home and definitely stay home where are you going? Where are you going? What you're 30? You don't have to move out, darling. There's so much room. You're 45, you're still at home.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

That's fine. Hello, darling. Yeah, it's a different kind of thing, is it? You always feel young here in Italy because you're so you're always considered to be young until you're like gosh, yes, that that that is.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Over 40 or something, you're considered to be a young child still. My goodness me, yeah. They call you ragazza. Ragazzi!

SPEAKER_00 13:17

That's just like what's the translation for ragazzi? It's just like young, youngst young not youngsters, but young people, I suppose.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

It's just yeah, hey.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Hey lads, yeah. Guys and girls. Girls, yeah. Yeah, guys and girls, that would be it. Guys and girls, it's it's just it's just very funny.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

It's very funny, and that is the opposite, yeah. So that I mean that is the kind of a different kind of culture we've just talked about now. Uh whereas what about like that the the the the entitlement, how that can make you feel, and at times it can be good because it's what you deserve, but then I ultimately I think it's what it's altruism that actually makes you happy, isn't it? Absolutely, it's if I think deserves that others feel uh others deserve better. If you think that others deserve better, yeah. I think ultimately that's what's gonna make you happy. You know, I think there's that famous quote by Malcolm Forbes where he says, um, gosh, I can't remember it now, but it was about how hang on a second, I've got it written down. It's about how you treat others, and it remembers uh Malcolm Forbes. Here it is, it said, you can easily judge the character of a person by how they treat those who can do nothing for them. That's a good one, yeah. That you know, you can you can see the character of a person, like how they treat the barista. I mean, no, the barista can make you great coffee, so that's a bit of an odd example.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

We love our baristas, and that's very special. We love everyone, can't we? We do, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

That's true, that's not fair, no. But it's by how like somebody that can literally do nothing for you, and and I think, yeah, I think there are some people that will be nice to the people they think that can do things like exchange favours. Yes, and it's you you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. I'll be nice to you, and then you're nice to me again. Exactly. But I think that's a really awful way to live, isn't it? But I think you can see a kind soul when they do treat everyone the same, everyone nicely, everyone with manners, everyone with manners, yeah. You'll get up if you see somebody needs a chair, wherever you'll just be kind, and and ultimately that kind of altruism is what's gonna be beneficial to you in a kind of way, in a like selfish, egoistic way. It's actually gonna come back to you and it's gonna make you feel good. But it's karma, isn't it? It's it's called karma, isn't it? Karma. Karma. Oh, karma, oh yeah, with a K, yeah. K, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. For those who believe in karma, definitely. Yeah, if you do good in this life, you'll be better in your next or whatever. Yeah, definitely. It's like the yin and the yang, the balancing. No, that's different. I think that's different. I don't know, yeah. I think that's a different, but more or less it's not really. I think it's all related, isn't it? I think so. I think no, I think that isn't that different, but yeah, I mean I do think, I mean, that's like what our mum used to tell us, isn't it? Treat everyone the same way, kind of thing. Didn't she used to say something like that? Yeah, so no matter who it who whoever it is, or whatever job they do, or whatever it is, it's always with the kindness that's served us really well in our lives, and I think you know it can make people think it can well. I think if I think if you are a nice person, you'll naturally do that. But I think a lot of people aren't maybe taught to be as nice either. So I think it's yeah, unfair. No, it's not, you're not, I don't think so. That's why because I think I'm saying some families they they are quite egoistical and not all not very nice, unfortunately. And then the children they learn that as well. Well, obviously, if you're five and you're walking around with your parents and you're saying bye and waving at everyone and being as sweet as as a little cherry bee, and then your mum says, Oh, don't don't bother, you know. Oh, look, here's the bank, I don't know, here's a bank man. Say hello. You know, he's kind of like an important guy for us, or say, and and then you're whisked away if you stop to have a chat with somebody that your parents didn't think was important. You're unc you're gonna learn messages in life, aren't you? Really, really quite you're gonna pick it all up. You know, let's go and have a chat with the headmistr or headmaster or whatever it is. Do you remember, you know? Because they're going to serve you in your life, but just ignore I don't know, the gym teacher or whatever. Do you know what I mean? The gym teacher won't be ignored, especially in the USA. Not in the USA, there might not be a knore in there, but like I think you maybe. We used I know, I know, it was in my my kids' school that the the gym teacher was always the one that nobody no parents would ever go and talk to. So he was like there sitting on a little desk, and nobody the parents, when it was Parents' Day, nobody would go and have a little chat with him and say, Oh, how's my son, daughter? Well, they how are they doing? And and nobody would bother. And I remember thinking, Oh sorry, but I would go and have a chat because he was considered the subject was not important academically. Yeah. So I think, and that also that's a cultural thing because I think on you know, like in the USA. Yes, but scholarship. What I mean is the gist of it. What's not important is it gets gets one-sided. Yes, you get you get taught messages, don't you? You get taught certain messages. I think that's why it's important to be aware of these messages. Yes, and be aware of what we're actually absorbing every day and all the marketing and everything. Yes, what's going on in your mind, yeah. What thoughts you're having, what questions are you posing to yourself? Do I deserve it? Do I deserve it? Does it serve me? Does it serve me? Yeah. What do you think? Do you deserve it? Does it serve you? We certainly deserve to be treated nicely, I think.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

I think everyone does. Ah yeah. And you certainly deserve to be treated nicely too.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

So if you do have low self-esteem, you know, just raise it a notch. Raise it a notch and think about it, think I do deserve this. And I deserve to be treated well and with respect. And then maybe take it away for a bit from the marketing side, become a bit more aware of the marketing. Because in the end the marketing is huge, that maybe that the new grace, or the new car, it won't make you happy. It won't serve you, will it? Not really. Not in your heart, and not in your eyes. And it might even stress you out and make you anxious because you won't be able to pay for it, or you'll pile up on your credit card or whatever. So yeah, so what do you really deserve? You deserve kindness, you deserve to feel calm. Your baseline, you deserve to feel calm for most of your day, and this may be quite surprising to most of us that your baseline isn't really supposed to feel anxious, and it's not even a question about what you're supposed to feel. You can feel whatever you want, but your your baseline is what is natural, you know. Natural, that's what I mean. Your natural inclination is to feel calm. So you can think about that and say, yeah, no, so what do I deserve? I deserve calm. I deserve calm. I deserve to be able to breathe properly during the day. I deserve to be able to take some deep breaths and to be able to be aware of my surroundings. Yeah, and deserve to be just to just be you and be happy and be aware as well. Deserve to be aware of awareness, awareness of what's going on around you, and and uh so on and so forth, I would say. So on and so forth. What do you think? Let us know. And thank you for following us and for all your support, and we really do appreciate it. Really, really do. So see you again soon. Lots of love. Come and watch us on YouTube too, as the video's up there. Bye bye! Lots of love from the English systems. Bye.