Does Being Territorial Give You Anxiety Relief? - Mental Health

Does Being Territorial Give You Anxiety Relief? - Mental Health

Do you squabble about which chair you sit in at home? Do you want your seat on the settee? Does it make you feel safe sitting in the same spot every time! In this episode of Get Real with The English Sisters we chat about how being territorial is actually natural and how our pets show us how natural it actually is.  Scientific studies on freshmen at University proved that freshmen soon establish which seat to sit in in lecture halls and within a few days there is an understanding amongst the students of who sits where. This actually saves mental energy because it stops us having to think of where to sit every time! What do you think? Does this resonate?
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Do you squabble about which chair to sit in? I always squabble. I want my chair and I don't want anyone else to sit in it. It's so weird. It's so weird, isn't it? Do you have the same problem at home? Oh, I certainly do. Hello and welcome to this episode of Get With We're With the English Sisters. Fighting over territory. Well, I mean, I don't know about fighting, but there's definitely, you know, I find that, especially in the home. Yeah. I want my chair, I want my seat on the sofa. I don't want anyone else sitting there, you know. It it is odd, isn't it? It's so odd. I don't know why, but I mean I suppose animals would do the same, don't they? You're little cats, you've got a new little member to the family now, haven't you? Well, yeah. Well, we first had uh the the other little rescue cat, she arrived in September. By arrive, I mean she they literally just arrive in our garden here in Italy. You know, she was starving, I don't know, a little cat. Somebody must have not it's not funny she was starving. No, it's not it's funny that she arrived by herself because it's quite rare now. I mean in the UK that never happens. No, but here in Italy, unfortunately. They still don't new to them now that they don't. It's still a bit the wild west here. It is they're learning they're learning with cats, yeah. It's more so with dogs now, but with little cats. I guess before having a dog in the house, the cats would never come. But now that the the since we're in the countryside and the dog's not here, I mean uh unfortunately our little dog passed away. So now the little cats arrive. That's all little around with you. Little dog, little cat. She was little at first, wasn't she? But now she's pretty big, our first rescue cat. First one, but there's the second one. I think she might still be a baby then. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it's funny to observe, isn't it? It's funny because the first rescue cat, Tilly, she's been with us now for a year, and she developed all her own little space, territorial space, like she takes up the front porch and certain areas of the home. And when the second, this new we've got this new little kitten has just arrived, literally, she's been with us for two weeks. She arrived at the kitchen door, and you know, she looked like she was starving, so obviously I fed her. And now she takes over like the back garden, you know, area. And it's just amusing how one cat will not enter. I mean, the other cat's space. Well, when because she when the little kitten tries to enter, she'll get hissed at the end. The other one gets hissed at. Yeah, she does. Tilly hisses at her. Yeah, she does hiss at her. So I mean So that's what I mean by fighting when we get ner when we get edgy or something. If someone takes our space on the settee or we don't actually hiss and scratch and hopefully not. But yes, there is that kind of yeah, we are we are more primitive than we think we are, I think, at times. Well, I think in psychology they call it like spatial, spatial anchoring or something where you want you you you anchor, you you fixate on one space, and they have done studies on it uh in America and one Italian did it. Mad call Madco something or something, I can't remember the last name. He did a study and he said that they did it for students, freshmen, and they chose within two days they'd already chosen the seat they were going to sit in. And then with that. Even though they're impersonal, they're not different colours or anything in lecture halls, they're just seats. Oh my god, I remember doing that all the time when I was a student. I'd go to one one chair, one desk, and I would always want that desk. I know, because apparently it gives comfort and it stops you wasting mental energy as well. What like trying to find out if you're safe? Yeah, like in that chair, in that position. No, it reminds me of the cats because they're always looking around, especially these new kittens. But yeah, but it gives you comfort to know that you're in that position and probably in the end, all the people around you will always be the same, so they'll be like part of your little tiny area that you've yeah, it's funny, isn't it? But at home, I mean at home, you just still I still do it at home. I want my comfy bit of the settee. Yeah, even if you know, because it's it's like like I've chosen the best part of the settee sofa because it's like the shed's long where I can actually lie down in. And I mean, my poor hubby, he really he he's got I mean, it's a it's a very big, you know, seating area, so he could choose any other plot, but he's very kind and he'll he'll never go on there. And sometimes I say, Look, I'm not using it, you know. I'm gonna go and chill upstairs and watch Netflix or my little computer. You can go, you can have it, but he won't go there, you know, because I suppose he's found his own space where he feels comfortable in. Yeah, that's right, but also because he is kind, he's given you the best seat. He has I mean we've come my household, we've come to a compromise where I have the best seating in the evening when I'm really tired, and since my husband gets up really early in the morning, he wakes up really early at four or something. He'll go on the settee, but then he'll stay, since he'll stay till later. So when I'm awake, he's still on it. And does that trouble you? Well, at first it did a little bit because uh there you go. You don't want to see somebody in your position, even if you don't want to use it. No, because it was weird because I didn't use it really. I mean, you might be having breakfast. I would sit on a different part of the setting to have breakfast. Yeah, but I wanted just I would it would just get get to me the fact that he was on there, just your territory. Get off my territory. You can see the facial expressions if you watch the video. It's so you're fine, pulling funny face. No, because it's like that, it's your oh my gosh, don't talk about the kitchen. We've got we've got a table where we eat in the kitchen, and honestly, I have my chair, and it's it's for me, it's a best chair because I get a garden view. For you, but they don't care about that. I mean, I don't know. I'm in in this house, it's me, my husband, and the two sons. I don't know because they're all men, or I don't know if it's just if it's just a it's a girl thing, a woman thing that we like to look outside. No, I'm not bothered about looking outside. I always sit on the other side, but I know you sit on that side. Maybe if you if I if you if you were the opposite, I might sit there and look out. Yeah, because this morning we had our coffee there was opposite you, so I don't feel as if I have to sit next to you and look at the garden. I would I wouldn't. No, I don't think you would, because you'd want to see me. No, uh yeah, I want to see you, but I'm sitting next to me only for podcasts. We're in that one restaurant. Look, I always want to sit next to you. I hate sitting facing you because it's normally the best place. We always have to we always have to turn around. What about when we go to the Mexican restaurant? The Mexican restaurant. I went there with my daughter and our place was taken. Yes, it was taken. Oh dear me. So we sat on another place, we sat somewhere else at a table and we changed the table. We didn't we weren't happy there. Then we changed again. Then I made my sister, my uh my you were okay, but I made my daughter sit next to me because I wanted to be able to touch physical touch, yes, yeah. Because I'm touchy feely, and she lives in London, so I was missing her a bit. Yeah, and and she was saying, Oh my god, mum. Are you gonna make up your minds, you two? I mean I mean there were it was empty the restaurant, so it's not as if it was a big spectacle or something. Right, but it was a bit like a little that's okay, yeah. Maybe because we played musical chairs when we were little, we're more used to it. No, I think no, no, I think that's just a big excuse we make. The truth is that we're like we want to sit in certain places and you get over it because you're supposed to be like you have to be flexible, sophisticated person, a human, and you know, don't make a big deal. But I remember that time we went for the business meeting. Do you remember? And I thought which one you're talking about. Well, there was a business meeting with somebody we kind of wanted to impress right at the very beginning of our careers, and and we were at this restaurant, and I thought there was a lovely view of the street outside in London, and and and the this man, I mean, the person we kind of sort of were were, you know, trying to collaborate with, he just took the best view of the of the outside, and I remember thinking, oh no. And I remember having to try and find my spatial, you know, in the other chair, which I didn't really want to sit in. So it's not just about you know, it's not just about the home and with the family. This goes on for me anyway. Because it's what you find comfort with. I suppose you find comfort with views, views, yeah. Being able to look more visual, yeah, looking, uh having uh yeah, like at a restaurant, I always find the one where I can that because you used to be an air coaster and you look for the escape room. No, I I I don't know. No, what what being confined in a cabin for many hours? No, because I don't remember you being like that when you were little. You were never bothered about the view when you were little. How do you know? Because I used to see you. You never used to swap chairs or wouldn't care where you used to sit. Well, I can't yeah, I can't remember. I think it could be because it was the like it was imprinting. Do you remember an LP colleague told us about that? She said that you had the imprinting, she could recognise it. Yeah, maybe the information of always like looking for the safety, looking for the escape, looking for this. I yeah, I she recognised it in a trait in you. Well, maybe, but I I mean, I don't know. I just think it's because I can see better and it's the most beautiful. You think it's because of that, but who knows? Well, what we were saying in this study back to psychology, it apparently it could also be that the safest route. The safest escape route. Escape route I can see. Because animals do that, don't they? They're always looking around, looking where the exit is, looking where to get out. Yes, yes, or either they want to find like the safest nook and cranny to fit into where they they feel protected. So, yes, I guess it could be. It could be, it could be back to the air hostess palava. Gosh, that did leave me with a few. I'm not gonna say traumas, but it was fun, but it was also, yeah, it's a kind of a weird job. I don't know if any of you are like uh have ever done that being part of a cabin crew. I mean, it is fun, but yeah, it does have its long-term side effects, that's for sure. What what else um that's thrown me a bit? I've gone into the the flight mode. Yeah, me too. I've gone into thinking about I think it's uh important to recognise though that if you are the kind of person that always looks for the you know, the same place in your house or for wants to sleep on the same side of the bed, you know, it's perfectly normal, yeah. It's just to save mental energy, isn't it? It is, yeah, yeah. So because sometimes I would think it was a bit weird. I used to think, why am I like this? Yeah, why am I so fixated? Why do you know? Sometimes my kids would say, Mum, why do you always have I mean that mum was the same, Mum Mum, wasn't she? Do you remember she had the same chair, she would sit here? Yeah, and you think, is this like a sign of me becoming like too like uh old fixated in my ways, or is it just no, it's not actually. I've always done it though, ever since I was younger. Yeah, but I mean it's just something Since I had my first house, I remember doing it. Like when you first claimed your space, yeah. But I mean, even as a student, I think we all used to sit on the same chairs in the dining room when we used to live together. You just said it, the study was done on students, so I'm it's not an old thing, it's not an old thing, really. No, so be consoled. Yeah, it's not because you're getting older, it's just normal, and you know, like when they say you have to flip the mattress round and you were supposed to like I don't know now with these memory foam mattresses and that, if you're supposed to move them around and change bedsides, like if you sleep with a partner. No, I think those are those old-fashioned mattresses. Well, I I hate doing that, I've never done it. I haven't either. I think it was the old-fashioned mattresses. Because they had the spring, didn't they? It's because if someone was heavier on one side, they'd make then make the springs weaken. They used to have springs in them. Oh yeah. That was why. That's why. Because they would have the spring. Oh, yeah, making that typical sound of when you know, mattress sound, yeah. Yeah, it's funny how just one sound can hand on you back. No, that does not happen anymore. Thank goodness. No, it's a good thing. You be for that. That's a good thing for mental health, for privacy, yes, absolutely. Especially if you're sharing your home with many people. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Oh well, so there you go. You are not a weirdo if you want to keep your same chair, you like your same position, you go to the coffee shop and you're always sitting your favourite little table. We're just looking for comfort, I think, and we all need comfort nowadays, especially now. But if you can't find your table, just have a little laugh. Because it's it's it's you know, the world is getting bigger and bigger, we travel more, thank goodness we can really travel. But it we're having, you know, we we're not so confined to our little villages or little places anymore where we would always sit in the same place and do the same thing. So we are a bit more on garden, I think. On guard. Yeah, so when we can, we try and find our little comforts. Little comforts with an ever-moving and ever-changing world, and our lives are forever-changing. If they sit, for instance, when they're traveling, they sit in a Nisle seat. Most people choose to sit in that same seat again. If you're used to a window seat, you choose a window seat. Yeah. So it is it's just part of who we are. I think it goes down to generations to our ancestors. Well, it's animals again. Yeah, animals again. We're mammals, and that is a mammal, that is a mammal trait. It's an animal instinct, isn't it? Yes, it's true. And it's often it's often attributed to aggression, like territorial people fighting, you know, all that kind of thing. But but it might be just hey, it's not attributed to you. You just feel safe in that spot and you're just being clever doing that because then your mind can go on to think about something else. They did say that in the study, they did say that students could focus on their studies more on their academics if they're at the same place. So just give them the same desk. And if you you know, you're I wouldn't because you feel like home as well. Do you remember when we were little? The teachers would force us to change desks so that we wouldn't feel so comfortable and always be chatting with the same person. It was horrible, wasn't it? Horrible, yeah. Yeah, good people from that as well. We don't like it. Maybe, yeah. They would say no, you're moving today, and they would move you around. Oh well, oh well. Well, let us know what you think. And yeah, if you're enjoying our podcast, please make sure you follow us and share this with your friends who help us grow. Yeah, and by the way, we're always sitting in the same position on this sofa too. I've just noticed it. Oh, and never once will we change. You'll be able to see that on if you watch YouTube. Should we change next time? No, no, well, would you feel off if you changed? Of course I would. Because you're looking at me like like you're looking at me this way, and then yeah, it wouldn't it'd be a bit weird. It would feel weird. We should try it though, just maybe we might, we might next time. So I don't think so. Stay tuned. Maybe you'll be braver. I might, I might see how I feel there. Yeah, but then you'd have to do all the controls. Oh god, no. I don't want to control that machine. We'll swap it over. Just put the machine here, the recording thing. Okay, bye-bye. Lots of love, lots of love smiles from the English sisters. Bye bye.