Releasing Repressed Emotions: Why We Hide From Our Feelings

We explore how emotions that remain unfelt and unprocessed can profoundly impact our mental and physical health, often manifesting in unexpected ways throughout our lives.

• Repression versus suppression - how unconsciously blocking emotions differs from consciously setting them aside
• Childhood experiences shape our emotional patterns well into adulthood without our awareness
• Physical symptoms and sudden emotional releases can signal repressed feelings seeking expression
• Growing up in environments where emotions aren't acknowledged creates lifelong patterns
• Becoming aware of repressed emotions allows us to heal rather than remaining defined by them
• Healthy emotional processing involves acknowledging feelings rather than pushing them away
• Allowing children to express and process difficult emotions helps prevent future repression

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Repressed Emotions
• 3:51 Childhood Trauma and Lost Connection
• 10:17 Suppressed vs. Repressed Emotions
• 15:28 How Our Bodies Store Emotions
• 19:37 Childhood Home Environment Impact
• 26:32 Acknowledging and Healing From Past

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

emotions that bubble up within us, emotions that we repress, emotions that are not being allowed to be felt by us anger, yes, anger. Sadness, frustration, feeling, grief as well. You know, there are so many emotions that we won't allow ourselves to fully express. So we need to put our glasses on, yes, and look at things from a different perspective, look inside ourselves, look inside ourselves and allow ourselves to express these emotions. That's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real With the English Sisters Mind, health, anxiety. We're therapists and we're here to help you, yes.

Speaker 1: 0:54

So how many of us have actually had an emotion that we haven't felt and we've, like, subconsciously blocked it? I think most of us. I mean, I remember the first time we went to, when we were first studying, uh, hypnotherapy. We went to a, a conference, and we were talking to our colleagues and they were saying there was like a little exercise and they were saying so what, what childhood trauma would you like to release? And I remember thinking I've not had any childhood, oh my gosh, yes, I was really shocked. And then the the person that was working with me said sorry, but that's practically impossible. If you're alive, you've had some kind of Just, you know, think about it again, something. And then I thought, oh yeah, I remember when I was really little, like when we had like one of our cousins was living with us and we thought he was like our, we considered him to be our brother. Well, our parents were, yeah, we're thinking of adopting him, weren't? And he was taken away from us by by our aunt when we were like five or six and I remember screaming down the corridor because I mean, I used to love mark, we used to adore him. Our older brother, yes, like amazing for us. He would be like so sweet and cute and supportive little fairies and play with us and look after us, tell us stories. I remember at school I would always feel protected because I would think I've got a big brother, yeah, and he was so like creative as well. So we were all like little fairy stories and he would always tell us and draw us things and make little things for us and play with us.

Speaker 1: 2:28

So, and I remember when he left I was it was devastating and crying and I and I just remember hearing your screams and not maybe, you know, being five or four or something I I probably didn't quite comprehend fully that he was never going to come back. You know, but I remember seeing you screaming which is most of the trauma for me was from you screaming. As a younger sibling, I would watch you and think, oh dear, you know, obviously is something really really horrible. And you know, just seeing him walk down we had these little narrow alleyways and just seeing him being taken away, and then you know, and then never coming back and never fully allowing my sadness to come out either, because you would do all the screaming and crying. But I would just watch you and just repress it. Yeah, and maybe you would try not to scream and cry to comfort. I would comfort me, I would try and comfort you and try and comfort mum and dad as well by being like the good one, the one that's not screaming and then that's not causing a fuss, yeah, and then our parents would always say, oh, violetta's the one with the buttery feelings. You know she's delicate and thank goodness you're okay. You know, come along, but you know obviously I wasn't okay and um, because I can really remember it clearly.

Speaker 1: 3:46

And so that's one of those things that you think, you know, you repress and you repress, and then later on in life you think about it and you think, oh yeah, but I hadn't realized I had that, I had that. Well, I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to be with you. You know it's something that's also good to let it go. But once you can acknowledge it, you can let it go. Yeah, but when you don't know about it, it's not like you suppress it, it's like you repress it. So you don't, you don't even realize you're suppressing it. Yeah, as you grow up, I mean, soon after I got this thing that when I, when I was an adult, I identified as an immune-like disease of the skin, and so it wasn't eczema. It's another thing, that's quite rare, but it comes from an immune system that has been suppressed and it was probably because of that and I didn't even have any recollection of that happening. No, no, of course not.

Speaker 1: 4:42

This is very common With repressed feelings. It's very common because they're different to things, to emotions, that you suppress on purpose, like you've had a big fight with a family member or with your spouse or whatever, and then you you think the next day I've got to go to work, so I've got to be strong, I've got to suppress this for the moment and then pick it up later. That's different, because you're conscious, or the classical thing you have a massive fight with your, with your boyfriend, oh yeah, and then the next minute your guests arrive and you're, and you're all happy and pretending nothing's happened. Or you've got young children and you're doing the same. Yeah, you're one of them. Yeah, because you don't want to show them that you know you're upset or angry with your, with your partner. Yeah, yeah's different.

Speaker 1: 5:24

But the repression is when you actually don't actually even realise that you've repressed it. That happens a lot like what we were saying in childhood, but it can happen in adulthood as well, when we're grown up, you know, and we continue to repress all emotions and just put on a smile and then we never address them afterwards. We just say, oh well, yeah, that happened. Oh, did that really happen? Yeah, ok, I don't want to think about it, I don't want to handle it. You know, you might have a drink, you might take some other kind of substance, or you might just completely ignore it and never, ever address it.

Speaker 1: 5:56

I think that's why a lot of us sometimes, when we go to massage therapies, for example, we can suddenly find ourselves crying. Yeah, and they often say it's releasing the tension. The body, you know, with the touch it releases things that you think why am I? Why on earth am I, why am I feeling emotional about this? Yeah, this is just a massage. Or you might suddenly find yourself crying for no reason about something that you didn't even realize was that important, or having an outburst of anger very common as well, you know, because we are like the tips of icebergs. You know we can. What you see is not really what's going on underneath is no, it's a lot of stuff is repressed and because, also, it's a way of getting on, it's a way of coping, isn't it? It's a coping mechanism that can serve us. Very clever in certain, in certain situations, but in other situations it's.

Speaker 1: 6:51

It's important to like, like when, when I was in the conference and the therapist said that and I thought, yeah, and then I did, and I did some work with my inner child and gave her a little hug and said it's okay, you know this, these are things that happen to you when you're a little girl, but it was okay and you know you'll be fine, kind of thing. But, and not that you have to dwell on these past thoughts all the time. You know, these are just things that you can think about, Because one thing is becoming a victim of your whole life and thinking, oh, I had a terrible childhood and thus this is who I am. This is what makes me. I am a person that has been abused. I am a person, and you constantly rethinking those thoughts is going to make you relive a situation that often isn't even true, because your memories are not often, you know, they're very much misrepresented in your mind. A lot of the time they're made even worse, and so it's not that we're encouraging you to think about these things all the time. It's just useful, when you do feel that you have perhaps an outburst of anger or you suddenly feel sad or numb, for you to become aware of the fact that you may be suffering from, you know, some kind of repressed emotion that you've never dealt with. Yeah, whether it's feeling guilty or feeling sad or frustrated, all these emotions are considered to be bad emotions, so they're not like happy and yay, kind of emotions they have to be. They have to be like addressed. You have to say, okay, I acknowledge you, I acknowledge you. Yes, it's okay to to feel this and I'm gonna allow myself to feel this. Yes, this is why allow my body to heal and my mind? Do you remember?

Speaker 1: 8:48

There was another thing that you know our parents were immigrants and they weren't well off. So, once you know, my mum had an idea, our mother, she decided to have lodgers coming in, oh, yes, and then so we used to have people that would be living in our home and you know, they were students. It was really. They weren't always students. Once we had an alcoholic, yeah, yeah, yeah, one. And and this also sort of as a because I remember telling, you know, my sister, violetta. I was telling her about why don't I really like having people in the house, and you know why, why is this? And then I remembered it and I thought, could it be perhaps because we were always like in this state of hip toe? Yeah, you would never really know.

Speaker 1: 9:35

You know who this person was, yeah, and, and if you felt safe, if we would feel safe, we would never like when, when we there was a like we had, we were, luckily, that was quite a big house, but there was an upstairs bathroom and a downstairs bathroom. And when, the when the lodgers were allowed to use the upstairs bathroom, which we also use, yes, we, I remember always looking outside our bedroom window and looking down the corridor is it free? Can we go? And we'd run to it and then shut the door, lock the door, is it safe? Yeah, it was always feeling we would never feel 100 comfortable. No, just our family. No, no, that kind of undid that you know that and we never realized that until like five years ago. And I mean, we would think why are we so weird? Why don't we want that? Why don't we want to have house guests? You know, like what? What is this? Because, of course, we could have also become. You know the fact of it. Yes, because the fact that we we did have the house filled with. It was like a bed and breakfast thing, filled with different people from different cultures. It did bring us good things too. Yeah, it was good.

Speaker 1: 10:41

Sometimes, you know, some people were absolutely amazing and lovely people. There were also those ones that didn't make you feel safe. They were creepy and they were creepy. To be quite honest, there was one that was creepy to you. There was one.

Speaker 1: 10:54

Yeah, I remember when I was 13, you know, I went to knock on this, this man's room, and he, he like flashed me on purpose. He was completely naked and I remember feeling like, oh, you know what, why did he could have covered himself. Why did he do that? Yeah, why did you just open the door like that? Yeah, that was abusing you. That was. That was like, yes, I mean, it was sexual abuse. Well, in those days I I didn't realize no one. Well, we knew it was wrong. I did, I knew. After that I really thought he was creepy.

Speaker 1: 11:25

I didn't like him at all and I thought, whenever mum and dad weren't around, like if we wanted to watch a movie you know, we just had one television at the time and I remember once I wanted to watch something and he sort of like said, no, get lost, sort of thing. He would kick us out, wouldn't he? Because he wanted to be with the other lodger that he was getting got off with I know. So I mean these things that we didn't realize that were going on, because we used to like run upstairs and hide in our bedrooms all the time and think and I I still, you know, used to think, I mean, I'm 58 years old now and I and this I just became aware of it like 10 years ago or something with you to be less than less than that, can you believe it? And you think, why am I like this?

Speaker 1: 12:11

So what we're saying to you is that you are like you are for a reason. There is stuff. It's just life. Life happens, and it's not that you're a victim or whatever it is. It's just that things have happened to you that have made you that way. And it's useful sometimes for you to just acknowledge that and say, well, that's okay, you know.

Speaker 1: 12:33

And it's also useful to get over things like I remember once your sister-in-law was hilarious. She was funny because I said, oh, we don't like like hosting dinner parties because, you know, our mum never liked cooking much and she was always a bit nervous about having people over. And she said, yeah, but you're not your mum, and look how old you are now you know that's a bit of an excuse, isn't it? What are you? What are you telling me? Now? She was laughing and laughing and saying, hey, I think you know you've, you're using this. Yeah, you've hung on to this for a bit too much, for a bit too long.

Speaker 1: 13:04

Yeah, sometimes you can, you can self-sabotage yourself with certain thoughts and thinking. You know, having these limiting beliefs about yourself. They're just no good, but sometimes it is useful to acknowledge. You know why you're feeling the way you're feeling. I think it's useful and then you can work on it as well. You can talk to a friend. You can talk to a therapist. Yes, yes, you can read self-help books or self-improvement books or psychology books. You know there's so much out there now. You can watch your youtube videos exactly. There's so much help out there. You know it's important. You know the reason why they're unfelt. These emotions, emotions are meant to be felt and if you can't feel them at that exact moment, you can put them and say okay, I'm going to work now. When I get back, I'm going to feel this, though. I'm going to understand what happened to me, to mourn or to cry. I'll do whatever I need to do, or to talk about it, discuss it.

Speaker 1: 13:58

I remember when this thing happened when we were little, mum was crying, but then afterwards it was just like Stiff up a lip and just get on with it. It was finished. It's not as if we would talk about it In the family all the time. That was a problem, because if mum had said I feel so devastated, I'm so sad, and dad had acknowledged it as well and said oh yes, you know he's gone now. I mean he was his son and we had all big hugs in the family and hug, hug. I mean my mum used to hug us all the time, but it wasn't hugs for those kind of reasons, never. It was just hugs. I love you unconditionally, but it wasn't hugs for those kind of reasons, never. It was just hugs. I love you unconditionally, but it wasn't. Oh, you poor little one, you're feeling sad. Let's have a hug. That would have been so important if that had happened. No, no, it was just pushed away.

Speaker 1: 14:48

I think they repressed it themselves for all their lives. I mean, they had. They were just about to sign the papers, yes, so I just recently discovered a letter yes, you found it, because both our parents are deceased now and I recently discovered a letter where they had from the home office that they were about to sign the paper. Yes, that's what I mean. We didn't even realize it and it was never, ever spoken about. He would just send us every now and then random little letters with his beautiful little drawings, like if it was never, ever spoken about. He would just send us every now and then random little letters with his beautiful little drawings, like if it was easter, he would draw a really pretty little easter bunny, but it, that was it. You know that, and and he got disconnected from us, and I can only imagine the trauma he had as well. You know as, but anyway that you're absolutely right.

Speaker 1: 15:35

The fact is that what's healthy to do nowadays is, you know, if you do have children as well is to acknowledge, allow them to feel, allow them to think oh yes, it is really sad, your best friend is moving schools. That's really sad, you know and allow them to feel that, because that's another thing that can often frequently happen. Exactly so, there's a lot yourself to feel and let us know what you think and do. Come and see us on youtube and listen to the podcast, wherever you get your podcast form, and send us a text message. We love to hear from you lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. We are therapists and we are here to help you.