The Psychological Benefits of Positive Self-Talk

We share how positive self-talk turns sudden spikes of fear into steady action, from medical visits and late errands to meal planning and dentist dread. Real stories, quick tools, and gentle reframes show how thoughts shape emotions and how small shifts build confidence.

• defining positive self-talk and why it matters
• catching spirals before they become panic
• reframes using gratitude and agency
• using body language to change state
• creating a finger anchor for calm on demand
• normalising fear at the dentist and doctor
• everyday overwhelm with errands and meals
• building tiny plans and rewarding follow-through
• choosing firm yet kind inner language
• stacking small wins to grow confidence

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Transcript

Positive Self-Talk Defined

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The power of positive self-talk. Absolutely. And the idea of when chunking up mentally and chunking down can be really useful.

A Sudden Wave Of Vulnerability

SPEAKER_01 0:15

That's what we're gonna be chatting about today in this week's episode of Get Real with the English sisters, Violeta and Jotka Zuga. Hello everyone. Thank you for your lovely comments. Very, very much appreciated. Very much. And thank you also for subscribing to our podcast and to our YouTube channel. Positive self-talk is especially necessary when you're feeling a little bit down, I think. Yeah. When you're not feeling like feeling really optimistic.

Catching Spirals And Reframing

SPEAKER_00 0:52

So you have to like give yourself your own pet talk. I think so, yeah. I mean, I had to do that to myself day to day. Because I suddenly felt because I was waiting to see the doctor, and normally I always go with my husband, but he said, All right, I'm just gonna go down and check the car because he had to check for the parking meter, and I go, No, don't go, because I bet you I'll be called in just at the moment when you go. And I was, and I suddenly, I mean, I thought this is so ridiculous, but I suddenly became overwhelmed. I almost felt teary because I was like, I got this sudden fear of walking into the doctor's office by myself. You felt you felt vulnerable. I felt vulnerable because I've had past, you know, bad experiences there where I've I've had these diagnoses and everything, and I was so all of a sudden I felt so vulnerable. So that's when I actually had to say to myself, you know, stop it, Yudcat. You are a strong, confident woman. I mean, I I actually told myself that as I was walking through the car, you're a really strong, confident woman. This is ridiculous. You can do this, be strong, be strong. And I walked in, I opened the door, and I felt instantly better. And I was confident to be able to say, hello, buongiorno, blah, blah, blah. And then they said, Oh, why are you on your own today? And then I explained it. You just gone to check the car, and it was all fine. And I thought, there you go, I can deal with this, I can do it. But I actually had to give myself that little talk.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Well, I think that's what's so uh mind-boggling. It's not mind-boggling, but that's what's so we expect ourselves to be like like robots, like not to realise what's going on with our bodies or our minds, and just to think, like not to think about it and and not not to have to do this, not to have to give ourselves the pep.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Not to have to feel that vulnerability because I thought this is I've been doing this for years now, I should be okay with it.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Why am I feeling vulnerable? No, that's not it. What I was thinking, I wasn't referring to that. What I was referring to is that even if you are feeling vulnerable, people, a lot of people before we were therapists, we didn't realise that we had to kind of change our mental state and think, okay, what am I gonna do that's more helpful to me? If I'm thinking, oh no, I don't want to go in on my own, I might get a bad, I might get bad news, bad news, I might get something you know horrible's gonna happen, uh, and you start getting worked up and feeling overwhelmed. Well, then you're just gonna get into that state of mind and emotion, and you don't know how to change it. No. Here we're giving you the tools to be able to change it and to say, yes, you can be more assertive, you can change your state of mind by thinking more positive thoughts. Yes, like what you did. You said it's okay, I'm a strong woman.

Small Wins: License And Late-Night Errands

SPEAKER_00 3:52

I thought it's okay, I know why I'm feeling vulnerable. I know why, because I've had experiences in the past that have led me to feel this way, however, it's fine. He's uh yeah, I because for honesty, for a few seconds I felt like a child. All of a sudden, mummy's gone, help, you know, and I thought, this is what kind of feeling is this? I was oh, I was I was tearing up. So if I'd allowed myself to just continue with this frenzied thought, the thoughts would have transferred into physical emotions because that's what happens to thoughts, they pop up and they transfer into your body, and you can be become you know, you can actually physically start crying or become very upset, etc. So I thought, no, stop this on its tracks. This is not who I am now. I'm strong, I can do this. Go on, do it, and I did it. And when I came out, I felt proud, and I thought, there you go, I did it, and I spoke and I told the doctor everything I need, almost everything I needed to say because I always feel so I've got this thing like with doctors, it's like I don't want them to spend too much time on me because I know how rushed they are and everything, but that's something I have to work through very considerate with for their time, but you do have to work through it because you're very succinct anyway, is it given a time as fast as I can, but yeah, it's obviously important that I go, so I have to do it. But anyway, that in that particular situation, I felt and also the other day I had to go and renew my driving licence. And there I was thinking, No, it's dark time. There is dark time, it's like night time. There's no way I'm going out now. I'm not going out. It's cold, isn't it? So I tried to get my husband. I go, Would you fancy coming with me? Just popping out to the driving school there. I just need to renew it, and the doctor's there now, so he can do my eye test. He said, No way in hell am I coming now? I've just got back, and he was like a bit grumpy. And I thought, why am I trying to force him? I can do this. You can do it, I can do it. So there again, I had to like psych myself up and think, what on earth are you moaning about, women? You know, it was hard enough to get his driving license, you know, like 30 years ago when I got it, and I thought now I should just be proud to just go and renew it, and I have the privilege to be able to renew it. What am I moaning about? So in the end I did it, and once again I felt confident again.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

So you gave yourself another positive self-talk very much and very like proactive.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

It was proactive. I had to actually push myself because there were so many reasons why I was saying it's dark or it's starting to rain now, it's horrible. I won't find the parking. I have to go on my own. It's not even my car, I have to drive my husband's car, which I'm used to, the automatic drive now.

Fear At The Dentist And How To Cope

SPEAKER_01 6:48

I think I think that that that's what we don't realise. We we don't realise that sometimes we do need to push ourselves out of that comfort zone zone, obviously, when it's when it's okay to do so. You know, don't put yourself in any danger or anything. But when you can, when you feel as if you could do it, but all these fears and anxieties are coming to you know, just towards you and enveloping you like a cloud, like you know, a fog. Then you can think no, and you can switch it around by just even clicking your fingers or clapping your hands and and and saying, No, I am gonna give myself a good positive self-talk now. And then maybe you can go back to a time when you did feel really confident because most of us is usually one time in our lives that we've had a little bit of confidence or more confidence, and you can go back to that time quickly in your mind and just think, yes, I was I can do it.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Wow, I did that and I did that, and I did it.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Yeah, like what you did. You went back to how difficult it was for you to learn to drive and get your driving test in the first place and have to do it all in Italian.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

I thought I did that. Now am I just gonna be you know, be stupid and not go and I could I've got an opportunity, I was free that day. Yeah, so I thought um another day I might be really busy and not be able to go. So I I that that took some talking, but what I mean is don't take it for granted that you're gonna have to talk to yourself, yeah. And what because imagine it happens to us, and we're therapists, so you would think, oh, surely they would know that.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Yeah, we know it, but we come into our minds, don't they?

SPEAKER_00 8:31

We're not robots, but we're not, no, and we do. We feel vulnerable, we feel frightened, we feel anxious, and so you've got to like think about why. Understand yourself, and you can you can help yourself by understanding yourself as well, and you can think, well, I know why you might be feeling vulnerable right now, by what I said to myself. I was kind to you, I was kind, I didn't have much time to be kind. I thought I'll be kind later. Now I just need to step up and go for it, woman. You can do it, you know. It was more like that. Yeah, it was more of a because I've undergone much scarier things than that, for goodness. Absolutely.

Thoughts Become Emotions Become Actions

SPEAKER_01 9:13

That was nothing sometimes it's fun, it's curious to see how these little things that you would think are nothing and they're just what you know standard, like standard, yeah. That there's nothing out of the ordinary, and that you should be you've you can you can beat yourself up because you should think you might think, Well, I could do that, you know. What what kind of person would be able to do that? Why am I feeling like this? Why am I just tearing up over something that's so ridiculous?

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Well, it's normal to feel like that. When there's a lady at the dentist the other day, she was saying, Why am I so scared? And I thought it I said to her, Ennormale. Yeah, and she said, Really enormous? I go, of course. She said, Are you scared? I go, Yeah. I go, I I don't think it would be normal if we were totally not scared. There's a part of us that is scared, and we're just hopeful that everything is going to be okay. But to what degree are you scared? That's that's a difference here. Because it's normal not wanting to have somebody poking around in your mouth, and there's always that slight, but to what degree and how you manage to mentally cope with it? That's a difference, I think.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

I do think that's the difference because um my husband had a terrible experience at the dentist recently, and he went in feeling quite good about it, and he came out saying it's the worst thing he's ever experienced in his whole life.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

God, you have forgot about that. A poor thing.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

That's what I mean. It's normal to be fearful a little bit, but then you you know, can can you can you manage to stay calm enough to allow the dentist to work on you and and help you? You know, you hope that you'll get enough anesthetic.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Well, you just once again you have to say, okay, yes, I may be feeling frightened. It's normal for me to be frightened because my body is protecting me, my brain is protecting me. But then again, I am thankful that I have a nice dentist that can help me, or a nice doctor that can help me with this problem. Because how horrible would it be if you had to suffer through pain of having an infected tooth or something horrible like that. So I think a little bit of gratitude helps there as well. Like I was telling the lady, aren't we lucky though, to have this nice studio? She was sort of thinking, not really, I could see she was like terrified. And then I explained to her that my experiences were always okay in that particular studio. So I was calming her down as well.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

You did help her. Yeah, sometimes it's nice just to take a deep breath as well and acknowledge your thoughts and just say, uh these thoughts being helpful to me right now, and if they are, you know, good. But if they're not, you can say, Well, I'm gonna change it.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Yeah, you have to recognise that thoughts do turn into emotions, and emotions will show up physically. So if you're having thoughts of you being terrified, thoughts that are making you feel scared and wanting to just, you know, that's not gonna be helpful in that particular moment because they're going to make you you know actually react to them. So how can you react physically? Physically. So if you have thoughts that can calm you down and make you feel empowered, then you'll walk into that meeting or into that doctor's room or into whatever's scaring you at the moment much differently.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Well, there is a yeah, there's also thoughts, but it can also be your body language. If you change your body language, you can change your thoughts, can't you? By like assuming like power power.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Snapping or suddenly changing, yeah, changing around like snapping out of it, yeah, steps standing up, uh, having a little walk, going to get a glass of water, little simple things like that can be helpful as well because they take you out of that state of mind, as as we were saying last time with the anchors, where the anchoring is going on, like literally, like me. I was on that chair feeling really vulnerable. So I stood up and I said, That's enough now. I went walking around, went hovering around the coffee machine, and I thought I'll be called soon and I'll be confident and calm. And then there was a part of me saying, Oh no, call call your husband, tell him to come back, you know, call George. And I said, No, I can do this. This is fine, I can do it. I know, but you know, and I was still quite surprised to see that reaction going on inside me. You were well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

I mean, I was, but obviously, Rosa's curious to actually notice it because most of us don't actually know what's going on in our minds, do we? No, it happens quickly, but all by itself without without us realizing what's actually going on. So if you can catch it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

I caught it and I saw the whole thing like in slow motion. I thought, no, why am I gonna do that? This is not gonna happen now. I am strong and confident. Get away. You can feel those feelings afterwards if you want in the car on the way home. I thought, but you'll be feeling stronger. Yeah, the whole thing went on, like a movie. Yeah, well, I thought I am very spoiled, and I'm lucky to always have somebody come with me, you know.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

That is advisable, isn't it? When you've got a doctor's appointment that's going to be a bit tricky when you don't know what the like what the diagnosis is going to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because a lot of the times you can't remember half of what the doctor said.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

That's true. That is true. That's an actual thing that goes on when you when you enter, you think, what did they say? And you uh because you're like overwhelmed with feelings once again.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

You can't let yourself go, you have to become very vulnerable, you have to tell them what's going on, then you have to sometimes you have to get a checkup or a visit, and you have to, you know, let's be in somebody else's hands completely. And if you're lucky that you have someone that you know and you trust, it's it becomes a lot easier, but when it's someone new or like a hospital visit or someone.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

And lots of times there are lots of different doctors, aren't they? Yeah, they're kind of like.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

It can be very overwhelming, can't it?

Everyday Overwhelm: Meals And Planning

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Yeah. I mean, it's not that I wanted to make this all about doctors because it can be about anything.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

No, it can be about exams or a job interview or even like going uh food shopping, you become overwhelmed because you don't know what to buy, or you don't know what to make, or you're trying to be healthy.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

My younger son was actually saying that he was saying, Mum, how do you organise world all the time? What do you think about how do you make all the uh what like when we were little, Mum? How did you do it? Because he's living on his own now and he thinks I just find it so overwhelming to think of something to eat every night when I go home.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

And I thought, I know, it's it's like weird, isn't it? How do you do it? And I go, I guess you just think like just think of little meals and just sort of think of them in your head, and then you have a meal plan, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Well, you can he said that sounds really hard, it's intense, but once you get like my uh my my daughter was saying she couldn't have a meal plan in the end. I said, Yeah, it's really hard. And the next day she produced one. Yeah, and she said, Okay, I'm gonna have to make soup, make chicken, make this, and then prepare her meals. Like last night she got home and she was starving, but she she was lucky because she'd made herself some lentil soup the night before. So she had enough, so or at the weekend, I can't remember. So she had she had enough to eat, and she and so then she stopped at the supermarket and she bought some eggs, and she had that with eggs and some bread, and it was sorted. But otherwise, when you've had a busy day working and then you go home, and especially when you're not used to it, you know, as mums you get more and more used to doing it, and it becomes like part of an unconscious process where you might not even be thinking about it much. You just grab some stuff.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

You've got things in the house that you can just make protein and healthy stuff and whatever. But yeah, even that can become he was just telling me, I don't know, I haven't got the mental energy to think about it.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

I said, Well, what have you got in the house? And then you get really hungry and then you just tend to scuffle at the end of it. Yeah, or just order pizza again or something again, or order something to take in now that you can have all this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Well, yeah, it's not as much in the little villages, but it's kind of order quite a lot, don't they?

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Not really, no.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

No, no, he says it's not that it doesn't work that well in his little village. They used to more here, which paradoxically we're in the countryside as well, but they seem to be more efficient around here. Well, I mean efficient, they bring pizza. That's it. That's the only thing you can order.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

And they bring that burgers and things.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

I don't know, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

I remember you telling me that. Yeah, maybe it's all right.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true. But yeah, I I don't I don't order them, so I wouldn't know. But anyway, um, so it's it's part of sort of preparing yourself for these things as well, isn't it?

Gratitude, Reframes, And Quick Tools

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Thinking about it, yeah, being acknowledged, acknowledging, and then giving yourself a little prep talk. I mean, like when I didn't, I was fed up with going to the supermarket, for instance, because we'd we'd done so much shopping for our mum as well when she wasn't well, I just couldn't cope with it anymore. And then I used to have to quickly do a reset and tell myself off, kind of thing, and say, no, Violetta, you're really you're lucky and privileged. You're privileged because you've got, you know, you can go to the supermarket, you can afford to buy the things, you don't have to be sprounging and scrimping and thinking, what can I buy? So stop being like lucky, yes, lucky, silly kind of thing. Just go and do it, and and I would give myself this positive self-talk, and I would say, okay, and then afterwards, I'm gonna go and get myself a coffee, and I would give myself all this like encouragement in my mind, and then it would make things better and it would make things easier because obviously it's not just about the supermarket in the end, we all have things going on in the background, like we had our parents that weren't sick, or you might have someone you might not be feeling well yourself. So, in the end, it's like all these layers a bit like an onion that you peel, so you think, Oh, what can't I do any of this? Why am I vulnerable?

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Why am I scared? What's wrong with me? No, there's you have good reasons to be scared or vulnerable. You have them, yeah, you can accept them and and and and acknowledge them, but at the same time, when you need to be proactive, that's when you can get that talk in, and and it can be so so helpful.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Yeah, and you can do positive self-talk, you can do a quick reframe, just changing changing how you're viewing something, like like the supermarket thing, you view it as as being grateful, being having gratitude, privilege, the same with the dentist, you think, well, aren't I lucky to be able to be visited because my tooth hurts and I want to be seen?

Finger Anchor Visualization

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Or uh so if you start going in that with that mental mindset, that's gonna be so much more helpful than just thinking, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, am I gonna feel pain, pain, pain? Stop it. I'm lucky, I'm privileged, I have a doctor who can see me. How many people in the world might not be able to have access to this? So when you change it quickly like that, it can be really helpful and it's fast, it's works fast, a few seconds, that's all it takes. Nobody needs to see what you're doing. No, you can just do it all in quite quickly and quietly.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Otherwise, you can set as well, you can set yourself a positive anchor like by squeezing two fingers together, and you can say every time I'm gonna every time you squeeze your fingers, you can set it up by like closing your eyes. Not if you're driving, please. You can close your eyes and you can um I'm just thinking if you're driving, turn this podcast off. Oh, yes. But you can do this, so you can close your eyes and then you can squeeze your fingers together, and you can visualize any any digger that you like, or your hands and form a little heart or whatever you want, anything like that. And then you can visualize a time in your life when you were feeling extremely confident and calm, and you can take two or three deep breaths and bring that into your body, close to your heart, and then when you open your eyes, you will have changed your state of mind, will be one of. Positivity and gratitude.

Closing Thanks And Support

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for listening. It's been lovely chatting.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

It has been lovely, and it's as we always say, it's always beneficial to us and as sisters, we do enjoy each other's company. I think that's why we're a little bit spoiled as well of doing things on our own. We are very spoiled because we're living always together. So thank you so much. Um, this podcast, our podcast, is available on Apple Podcast, Spotify wherever you get your podcast. And if you feel that this podcast is helping you, you you could consider supporting the show, and that's all available wherever you get your podcast. So thank you so much. Lots of love and smiles from the English system.