Stop Saving Life For Later And Start Using What You Love

A spotless life sounds tempting until you realise spotless often means story less. We open with a simple parable about a white sofa kept so safe that no one ever sits on it, then pull on that thread to explore how fear of stains becomes fear of living. As therapists and sisters, we unpack the subtle ways we protect ourselves from mess, heartbreak, and change, and how those protections can quietly protect us from joy as well.

Across this conversation, we get practical and personal: loving fully even when loss is guaranteed, saying yes to small risks, and using the “good” things now instead of saving them for a perfect day that never arrives. We talk about everyday courage wearing the outfit that makes you feel alive, pouring coffee into your favourite cup on a Wednesday, or taking the high heels out of the box and actually going somewhere. We also examine culture and habit: how some homes display beauty instead of using it; how comfort, streaming queues, and pajamas can calm the nervous system yet drift into inertia; and how tiny nudges like getting dressed to work from home can flip our mood and energy.

We dig into the mind’s love of familiarity loops and why we keep watching the same series rather than trying something new. Then we share gentle strategies to break the loop without shaming ourselves: add one fresh experience a day, create small frictions that invite movement, and remember that confidence follows action. The point isn’t to become reckless; it’s to live within your real limits, with presence and softness. When the metaphorical moving van comes, we want our lives scuffed by laughter and softened by love, not museum-perfect.

If this resonates, press play, share it with a friend, and tell us what “good” thing you’ll finally use today. And if this conversation adds something to your week, follow, rate, and leave a short review it helps more listeners find our little corner of honesty and courage.

Transcript

The White Sofa Parable

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You know when you have that new jumper and that new piece of furniture and you like a new car and you're thinking, Oh, you know, every little scratch you notice and you may want to save it and not use it, but Yeah. Mum Mum used to have those special cups she would hardly ever use if she's gonna be able to do that. Do you remember the China ones? Yeah, they were just put away. Put away. Yeah, and uh we still put them away now, don't we? Yeah, anyway, that's what we're gonna be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters. Do join us and thank you for all your support on Instagram, Twitter, and wherever you get your podcasts. We really do appreciate it. So we're going to read you a story from our book uh Entrancing Tales for Change. Yeah, because it's called the White Sofa. It's very appropriate from what we're going to be talking about today. So let's start. There you go. Hello, said the white sofa. It's coffee time. Hope you don't sit on me. I'm so new and white. And a small stain will ruin my night. Please don't sit on me. So the white sofa got lucky that night because the lady with a coffee stayed away and sat opposite on a black chair. Phew, that's all right. Time passed, and more often than not, the white sofa was left alone. So pure and white. Until one night a furniture van came to the door and took the white sofa away. The white sofa stuck in the van wished that it had been more carefree. Knowing now that no one would sit on it ever again. It's very poignant, isn't it? It's poignant, and you know, I think in the end, ultimately, no one of us wants to be that white sofa. No, no, we don't. Nobody in their lives wants to ever, I mean, feel like that to think, well, in the end, the furniture van actually took the sofa away. Yeah, it finished, it finished its life. It finished its life, pure and white. Pure and white. And never lived and experienced. No, it would have been much better if the sofa had finished its light, tattered and stained. And stained and had lots of people sit on it and had fun and had lots of memories of parties and even red wine spilt on it. Why not? Exactly. It was fun. It was it was symbols. Every stain, every crack, every tear is like a lovely vintage object that has its depth, has that life that has been lived. And I think that many of us do do that. We we we're afraid, aren't we? We're afraid of living that new experience of pushing through our comfort zone of um getting that scar, getting that tear psychologically, many of the times. The fear of living. The fear of not doing the fear of doing instead of not doing. I think we have to swap it around and say, let's be fearful of not doing enough. Exactly. Not living our lives to the full because we stop ourselves. We have to ask ourselves what's stopping us. Yeah, I think we've all been through things, similar situations, thinking, oh no, that's too scary. I don't want to do that now. Because every time, I mean, I know we have in our lives, every time you feel like you're just about comfortable, then you have to get do something new, and you think it's a new challenge, isn't it? When it's a new challenge. You feel tired, you think no, it's too much, too much effort, too much work, too scary. Too scary. It's too scary, maybe to feel vulnerable. You have to feel vulnerable in order to grow a lot of the times. Well, when you allow yourself to love, whether it's a pet or another human being, you have to allow your heart to open. And when your heart opens, you know that you're going to be vulnerable because it's a delicate organ. And especially when it's the first, first loves, first you well, it doesn't really matter if it's first, second, or third. It's always allowing yourself at times when it's worse. When it's the third, you shut down, don't you? Because you think I've I've been hurt too much, I've been burnt too much, I'm not I'm not willing to to allow anything else to happen to me now. I don't trust. I don't trust. You become cynical, you become what can you do to avoid that? You have to remember the white sofa. You have to remember the white sofa, and you have to learn to push past your fears and and work on them and say, no, I'm not gonna let a fear stop me from maybe living a beautiful experience. I mean, I remember when when I didn't want to have a dog, first of all, it was because I was really overwhelmed by by the kids and our parents that weren't well and everything, but really it was also I used to think, well, how long how long does the dog live when it dies? I'm gonna really love this. This is gonna be part of my family. I'm gonna really love it. And how am I gonna handle it? I can handle it dying. And um and and and yet when we when we did get a a dog. I got a dog first, yeah, and then I uh yeah, you got excited. You thought, yeah, it's I said it's lovely having a dog, they're beautiful, exactly, and then they become part of your family, and then yes, it is heartbreaking because I don't think I've ever cried as much when Teddy died, our our first dog, but it was it was so so beautiful to have him in our lives and have him as part of our family, so it was well worth it in the end. You have to overcome your fears, I suppose. Allow yourself to be hurt, understand that really I believe this is what we're here for in order to experience life around us and to become part of that life around us, because if we just save ourselves, we're really not doing what we're supposed to be here for, which is to experience. We have this sensory body, we have a beautiful brain, an amygdala, we have the capacity to experience sensations, emotions, feelings. That's what that's what we're designed to do, isn't it? We're designed to be these to be able to experience, yes. So I think we have to remember that and and remember to enjoy life and to to allow ourselves to become slightly vulnerable as well. Yeah, and to and to to to use the beautiful things we have around us, like the beautiful China. Yeah, you know, use it every day if it makes you happy. Yeah, your your your your best clothes, you know, you don't always have to save them for the weekend. Sometimes I would do that, but now I just put them on for work. Yeah, you know, like if I'm going to work in the family business, I'll just put them on because I think these make me feel good. Yeah, you know, so I don't only have to keep if they get torn. Well, it does matter because I'm I think oh no, but then afterwards I think they've enjoyed yeah, I've enjoyed these clothes, I've enjoyed feeling how they make me feel so I'm going to wear them like the handbags as well. Like us women, you know, we like our handbags, and sometimes you get that handbag out, you think no, this is just for a special occasion. We've stopped doing that now as well, haven't we? Yeah, well, sometimes you let her tell me off if she sees me take my English sister's handbag to the warehouse where I work with my husband, she'll say no. However, I mean yesterday I did, yes, and I enjoyed it. And I looked at you know the new one we've got and I enjoyed it. Obviously, I'm not going to do that every day. No, because it is nice to keep some things a little bit special because then you really enjoy them when you use them. Yes, yes, that is also true. However, one thing is just saving them, you know, like those shoes in the shoe box that have never been ever used. But you know, there are some people that you they just keep the shoes there like a collection. To look at them. To look at them. Well, they may be investment pieces, so oh yeah, I didn't think. Some people have them as investment pieces that they want to sell on. Yeah, I don't know, yeah. That that's also a way of thinking about it. If that gives you great joy to invest in these shoes, it's I like to wear them. So do I. I do too. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes they're harder to wear though, they're very high heels. Oh, yes, you can't exactly totter around every day in them. But you what you do, I suppose, if you do have a special shoe like that, your brain might you might start unconsciously sort of searching for places you could go to. Like events saying, Oh, I've got that lovely dress, I could go to that event. Yeah, well, it puts you more in the mood of going to places if you've got the right attire. Exactly. Yeah, otherwise you might just delete it if you're not investing yourself enough to to you know to be able to look good as well, and you've got that nice outfit that you've got you you will want to go somewhere. You know, that's like when you get your hair done and you think, oh my gosh, now I've got my hair. I've got my hair, just had my hair do done by the hairdresser. I don't want to stay at home, I want to go out because I've got you know, so that's kind of like you want to enjoy it. Well, yes, it's like you don't want to waste it, do you? Just be stuck at home. You want to go out properly. We realised that, didn't we? At first, used to get exhausted thinking, what why am I doing so much? Oh, it's because I've got my hair. I've just had my hair. Just had our hair done. Yeah, but it's curious to notice that because when you feel good, you want you you naturally so maybe you can use a bit of a bit of that in your own lives, you know. Get yourself, get nice hair, get nice hair, but blow out or do it yourself and look after yourself, and then you'll you'll want to do more, be more prone to do more than if you're just in your PJs or just lazing about. Yes, yeah, that is very true. That's what they used to say about people that are working from home as well. They say you're working from home. Even if you're working from home, you know, make that effort to look to look good or to get dressed because you're gonna feel more like maybe after work you might want to go out and have a drink with your friends or go and socialise or go and do something. Yeah, whereas if you're just in your PJs and you've just got a t-shirt on the top for your Team's call or whatever, you know, you might think, no, I can't, yeah, exactly. It's too much of an effort, and days go by. Yeah, I remember when I first came to Italy, there was your sister-in-law that she was amazing. I mean, we used to have like our house clothes on when it was mummy days, and uh I mean the hair was washed and everything, but we would we would feel as if we would look in a right state because we weren't ready to go out. No, whereas when you went to see her, any time of the day you would call on her, she would be always ready, ready, beautifully with her shoes on, her clothes. Done her jewellery, her makeup, her makeup, and you wow, wow, you know, she's just ready, she always looks beautiful. But sometimes I'll think, oh no, I don't want to answer the doors. I know. I would I I've hidden before. I don't know. People have knocked on the door, and I have just gone, whoops, nowhere am I answering that. Go away. When I used to live in the flat in Frascati, you know, I used to do that. That was a long time ago. Was a long time ago. I was only like 20.

unknown 12:18

Yeah.

Screens, Sofas, And Motivation

Familiarity Loops And Saving Pleasure

Practical Courage And Gentle Limits

Closing Gratitude And Listener Invite

SPEAKER_00 12:18

But I would hide. That's because you didn't want to see your mother-in-law that she's a darling, but yeah, maybe just not just mother-in-law. There was quite a lot of visits that sometimes I just think, oh god, no. And then I would think of my my my sister-in-law and think, oh wow. She's always hoping the door and offers a coffee. I don't know how she could just do it, just be in her blood day clothes. I don't know how she would do that. I can't stand that. No. Soon as I get home, it's bra off and coffee. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Some people can do it like that. I think there are people that don't really they they can maybe she was quite tense, though. She wasn't relaxed. No. Well, you see, the thing is they were basically a happy medium. Do you know what? When I first came to Italy, there were no so talking about white sofas. Very few people even had a sofa in their houses. They would sit on chairs. Yes. And I would come and I would think, well, where do you relax? Like, where do you chill? And they would show me like this salon. They just watched the telly on the chairs. On the chairs. And there might be one rocking chair, like for the elderly person of the house. One rocking chair. And I would think, where does everyone else sort of like watch TV and hang out? So it's not wasn't really part of the culture. They would either like play more movement in the more movement, and like in the evening, they would just play cards around the kitchen table. They might put the fire on, but this watching, like a bit like in the UK, I think it comes from cultures because it's cold there, and maybe you know, there's I don't know, in England you needed more sofas. It's more of that coochie coochie culture, like the dressing gown and getting cozy. It wasn't part of their life here. So to be fair, if I'm talking about the 80s, she was she was still like sitting on a hard chair. And she had one tiny sofa, one tiny sofa. She never used, never used. It's a bit like the white sofa. Yeah, so that was part of sort of the culture. It was a lot more time spent outdoors as well, on chairs. Or passagiate, passagiate, yeah. It's a different culture entirely. But now, now it's it's becoming more obviously now. People have sofas and they but they're still not quite as what I actually do, like just lie on the sofa. No, pyjamas on a lighter. I if you see me and my Italian husband, the difference. What does he do? He sits straight on the couch, completely dressed when he comes home, even with his shoes on. I say, take your shoes off, for goodness sake. How can you just relax? And then he'll just sit up straight. You look, I say you look like this weird doll. You know, you're freaking me out. Just relax. And there I am on the couch, you know, we've got this chaise long part. I put all the massive cushions behind me, the duvet, you know, I get completely cosied in. So I think there is that difference in culture as well. Yeah, the the the younger people are adopting this more like international culture, aren't they? Well, I I was gonna say I hope so. Just so they chill more, but they don't have to, obviously, it's a culture. Well, it's a more sedentary culture, isn't it? As well, just being more informed. Because if you're sitting on a hard chair, you're more likely to want to get up. That is true. Like you watch a film for an hour and that's enough. Yeah, you're off. Yeah. Yeah. There's like two sides to everything, isn't there? It's like it's it's always like measured. I think that's where we need it on our devices now, you know, get up, stand up. Yes. Then we have reminders of how many standing hours we have and things because we can't incredible. We forget. We forget to to move a lot of the times because we are so comfortable. Well, yeah, I suppose so. You mean if you like lie on the couch? You can fall asleep or you can Yeah, you can definitely fall asleep guilty. I like to relax, I must say, but I think there is a I think the more you like the more in movement you are, the more you want to move as well. The more inclined to have addict. Say, like if you were on a sitting on a chair, you might think, oh, I might go and do some, you know, go and get on my treadmill now or something because you're sitting on the chair. If you're all comfy and your PJs on lying on the sofa watching TV, Netflix or some other TV tribe or whatever you're watching, you might think, Oh, I don't fancy that. I mean, that's what happened to me yesterday. Well, you got stuck on the sofa. I got stuck on the sofa because I was tired. I was already tired, and then I sat on the sofa and I started doing some smart working. I was working on my computer while I had the TV on in the background, and then I just thought, no, I can't, I'll go and get a cup of tea and I can't be bothered to go and and train now. Well, I should have really done my training yesterday, I'll do it. Yeah, but you're very active. But I think I'm active, but then other people say that I'm not active. Who says you're not active, my daughter? Really? Because she always gets the 12,000 steps in. Yeah. So many steps. I mean, 12,000. What is this with your phone that has to tell you? I mean, my phone sometimes is pathetic, it just says like you've done 3,000. And I think, oh god, you know, 3,000 isn't much because you're supposed to do at least 8,000. But you're supposed to be constantly like getting up. And and I am really active. You always say I'm active. You're much more active than I am. So I do always have been. Yeah, I do move around a lot. I tend to want to do it. Like if I go on the couch, itchy, don't you? I I want to get up after a while. Itchy feet. Yeah. I will watch like one series or something, one thing, but then I'm off doing something. I remember something I've got to do. Well, not if I'm in bed though. That's different. Well, I find is that when I have these rolling series on, you know, they it says, Are you still watching? Yeah, uh oh, I've been guilty. Well, I've had that loads of times. But anyway, when that's still one series on, though, if it's a really long one, like now I'm watching this uh brothers and sisters thing. Yeah. That's been it's an old series, but it's just I'd never seen it, so it just goes on. I find I don't I get even lazy about like switching to watch a different programme. Yeah, and it's addictive on that same thing, and I just of this family because it's about a whole family. Is that that same family you were talking to me the other day about? The coffee shop. You were saying I'm watching that family thing and it's going on and they're jealous and they're hiring all members. Oh my god, it's still that thing you're on about. It's still that one. Where are you watching that? I'm watching it on Disney. On Disney. And there's this other one I want to watch. I it's called Shrinking, which is really good. It's on Apple TV. I think I've seen that. Yeah, the new one. And I was thinking, should I switch over and watch that? But I kind of my brain just kind of wanted the tranquility of the familiarity of the sameness. I know that really. Which I was a bit concerned about. Because I thought, am I getting it stuck in this loop? But then I thought, no, I quite like it. Your brain wants a familiar. You know all the other one. I really like maybe it's because I'm saving it like a bit like the white surface, because I really like it, but I'm not I'm a bit you're saving it. The fact that it only comes out once a week, you have to wait. I think that's what my brain's doing. I'm to wait for at least two episodes. Oh, right, yeah. It's not very good though. Is that the one about how the family shrinks and goes iconic? No, no, no, no. It's about a psychologist, it's about therapists. It's got Harrison Ford in it, it's really good. Shrinking. Oh, I've seen it. I've seen it. Yeah, they're like a group of therapists that live in this no, they don't live, but they all go to work together. I've seen that. How have I seen it and you haven't? It's on Apple T. Yeah, I did watch it. Well, I did for a bit and then I sort of said, Yeah, you probably watched it. Yeah, it's it's it's okay, yeah. Oh, it's really good. Well, why have you seen it? I'm watching it. Oh, okay. I thought you were saving it. Well, I'm saving it, but now the new season's come out, and I've seen like three episodes or four, but now the new episode came, comes out on Wednesday. It's about that nosy neighbour that looks after the daughter because the mother passed. Yeah, okay, yeah, I have seen it. Okay, we won't give anything. It's very I mean, it's really funny and poignant, and I mean it's very well written. It's very well written. And as therapists, obviously, it's interesting as well to watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there is some truth behind it. There is a lot of truth behind it. There is quite a lot of truth behind these, uh, you know, it's very well written. Yes, yes, indeed. Anyway, anyway, yes, so to round up, we're gonna use our china and our best clothes exactly, and experience new things, don't say no to new things just because you may be frightened, you may be a bit fearful of it. Open up and and uh you know get into it, experience life to the full so that when it your time does come for the furniture van, you can think okay, I have lived a good life, I've laughed a lot, I've Loved a lot. I have experienced life to my fullest capacity. I think that's what we all want, isn't it? Yeah, I think so. Without going too extremist. No, no, come on. To your capacity. Everyone's everyone has different levels, don't you? You might be happy with a walk in the woods, looking at the bluebells and the daff. That's brilliant. That's your maximum for today. You know, that's your fullest capacity. Like for me today, I'm doing a podcast with you. I can go outside, look at some blossoms that are stuck. That's my for me done for today. I'm happy with that. And I'm not not gonna talk about going skydiving. I would hate that. So for me, for today, you know that for today you're happy. Yeah, that's it. That's it. You're satisfied. You're satisfied that you haven't kept anything, you're not you're just you're just serene. Serene, that's a nice word. Thank you for listening, and thank you. We'd love to hear from you. So do comment on our shorts. And on our shorts on YouTube, we always have the related video podcasts. Yes, yes, we do. Which some of the um I've heard the Apple Podcasts are gonna have video too soon. So hopefully we'll be able to upload the video there as well. So that's it, that's it for today. So enjoy a wonderful week and live it to your fullest while being serene and happy as well. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye.