Ep005 Empowering Midlife Women: Try These 4 Easy Strategies for Finding Joy and Fulfillment

Are you feeling lost or unfulfilled in midlife? Do you wonder if you've missed out on opportunities or if it's too late to pursue your dreams?

Today's guest is Dr. Jennifer Palladino, DC, a Doctor of Chiropractic medicine who has been in private practice for 32 years. She specializes in treating neuromusculoskeletal injuries for musicians, performing artists, professional dancers, and elite athletes.

Dr. Jen is the host of the Rock ‘N Healthy Lifestyles podcast, where she engages in personal conversations with renowned musicians, actors, and performing artists. During these conversations, guests share their personal experiences with mental health, emotional challenges, health, and how they sustain a healthy lifestyle.

Dr. Jen will discuss her own effective strategy she used as she embraced midlife and implemented in helping women in her practice who struggle to find joy and fulfillment.

Dr. Jen will share her 4 easy strategy systems to help you become the best version of yourself.

·         Focus on yourself.

·         Get connected with nature and exercise.

·         Step out of your comfort zone and try new things!

·         Stop feeding the beast and release negative feelings.

If you want to read more about this topic, head to createthebestme.com. 

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Transcript

Carmen Hecox: 0:00

Welcome to Create the Best Me. I am Carmen Hecox, a personal development coach, and I am so excited to be connecting with you today. Whether you're listening to the podcast or joining us on YouTube, my goal is to help women navigate through midlife challenges with compassion, inspiration, and empowering conversations. Each week we'll dive into thought-provoking topics, designed to build self-confidence, overcome invisible women's syndrome, and find the courage to create the best version of yourself. I'll also be joined by expert guest who will share the wisdom and insights, so make yourself comfortable and let's embark on this journey together. Hi there and welcome to Create the Best Me, the show where we explore ways to help you become the best version of yourself. Today I'm joined by the amazing Dr. Jennifer Palladino. She's not only a chiropractor, but she's also the host of Rock and Healthy Lifestyles podcast, where she chats with musicians, actors, and performers about mental health, emotional challenges, and how they maintain a healthy lifestyle. Dr. Jen is here to share her expert advice on how women in midlife can empower themselves and feel fully alive. Midlife can be a challenging time for many women, but Dr. Jen's four easy strategies will help you get back on track and embrace this exciting new phase of your life. So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and get ready to be inspired

Carmen Hecox : 1:38

Hello, Jen, and welcome to this show. I am so glad to have you on. For the people that don't know you, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your business?

Jennifer Palladino: 1:48

Sure, and thank you so much, Carmen, for having me on. I'm Dr. Jen Palladino. I'm a chiropractor who specializes in the injuries of instrumental musicians and performing artists, and I'm in private practice, and I'm also a sound healer and a podcast host.

Carmen Hecox : 2:11

Okay. Can you talk a little bit about what sound healing is, and then can you talk about your podcast?

Jennifer Palladino: 2:17

Sure. Sound healing is imagine lying comfortably on a yoga mat with cushions And being surrounded by odd types of instrumental sounds, gongs, tibetan bowls, digeridoo. It brings you down into a very comforted place, almost like where the monks go to meditate, and it's excellent for deep relaxation, anxiety, depression, physical ailments like temporomandibular jaw problems, clenching, migraines. There's a lot of good it does. It's become very popular lately, especially in the yoga communities. But sound healing is extremely beneficial to the body, mind, and spirit.

Carmen Hecox : 3:14

So, is it kind of like a meditation? You know, putting someone in a meditative state?

Jennifer Palladino: 3:20

Absolutely. It's hard. People say, oh, it's so hard to meditate. I have so many things going through my head I can't meditate. But this is almost like a guided meditation with sometimes words initially, but basically, it's just frequencies, tones, and vibrations.

Carmen Hecox : 3:40

It sounds very relaxing. I'll have to go down to Southern California and give it a try.

Jennifer Palladino: 3:48

You'd be surprised what's around you. And also, if you wanna try it, you can always go on YouTube and just look up sound healing, sound baths; there's plenty on there.

Carmen Hecox : 4:02

Good. Now tell us about your amazing podcast.

Jennifer Palladino: 4:06

Oh, thank you. My podcast is called Rock and Healthy Lifestyles, and I love talking with performing artists, popular musicians, and actors, and we talk about their life and career, their ups and downs and, what stirs their creative, juices and how they stay fit and fabulous in body, mind, and spirit.

Carmen Hecox : 4:34

And your episodes air, how frequent and what day can people look out for your episodes?

Jennifer Palladino: 4:41

I release them every two weeks on a Tuesday, and you can find them. They stream anywhere. You listen to podcasts, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, everything, Podbean. So pretty much everywhere. And it's interesting, I find different actors, musicians with all sorts of issues that we talk about. We've talked about addiction, we've talked about sobriety, we've talked about, I had two episodes aired in October for breast cancer awareness month of two music artists who had bouts of cancer and their stories. And I have everybody from child actors to the drummer of Def Leppard. There's a big selection, but it's really geared for a lot of how music and how entertainment and how art can uplift the spirit and how we can find solace Instead of drugs and alcohol and medications that maybe may or may not be necessary, but how you can find it through music or use music and art as an adjunct to healing.

Carmen Hecox : 6:09

And I will say I'm a fan. I've listened to several of your episodes, and I will say what I admire about your podcast is that you get these movie stars or um, musicians I guess I put them at a different, almost like a different planet, because they're different. Or at least I saw them before listening to your podcast as different kind of people, but you bring them down to more of a human or regular type of people. And they discuss challenges that we have. They're no than us. They go through the exact same challenges, even though they're, successful or they're rich. They're regular folks, and I like the way you bring them down and make them sound like regular people that have the same regular problems that the rest of us have.

Jennifer Palladino: 7:05

And guess what they do? They do. And I think it's also helpful to discuss those things for them as well. Certainly sharing that part of their life. Some people are very open about their trials and their triumphs. And that's important cuz this is what we all share this, and a lot of people just wanna help. They just wanna help. So, um, so we can look at sometimes our idols and see that, hey, They're not just what we saw on the screen as a child. Or not, what we just listen to on top 40 radio. They're just like us, and they have problems like us they're, and I'm so grateful that they share it. So yeah, it's, and my guess lists are just going to get more and more more interesting as time goes on.

Carmen Hecox : 8:03

The other thing I think that a lot of us get this misconceived notion that, if I had more money, then I wouldn't have these problems. You know, I think your podcast really, know, changes, or at least for me, it changed my perspective that it doesn't matter how much money you have, you still have struggles. We all have struggles.

Jennifer Palladino: 8:25

Well, more money brings more problems. It's just in a different. It's in a different category. So I mean, you hear all the time about lottery winners and a whole new set of problems that they experience. Of course, you know, everyone has the stress of money because we need to survive and we need to live. So, if that's not a constant pending, it really makes and has no bearing on our true emotions, and really, I am always a proponent of all you need is love.

Carmen Hecox : 9:03

The Beatles

Jennifer Palladino: 9:03

Yeah, Yay,

Carmen Hecox : 9:05

So I asked you to come on the show because you mentioned that entering midlife was the most positive experience of your life. So I'd like to discuss why you feel this way and what happened along your journey as you were approaching midlife that it has given you such a positive perspective.

Jennifer Palladino: 9:25

Hmmmm. Well, I think we can all, whoever we are, we can all reflect back on our younger self. A lot of people sometimes forget the difficulties that they experienced growing up and on a day-to-day basis growing up. I have a really good memory. So yeah, I mean, things were happy, things were different, but things were tough and tricky to process. I think the midlife part of it you get to a point in your life where you just don't really value others' opinions as you used to. Now, that doesn't mean better or worse; I'm just saying it's different. Your own priorities take precedence how you view life because now you've had enough experience in your path to see things very differently than we can all agree. We all see things very differently than we did at 20 or 30 and, sometimes, 40. So the priorities change when our situations change. The older you get mid to later, you're not having children; you're having grandchildren. And so that shift in perspective is just what happens in midlife. I do notice with a lot, cuz I talk to a lot of patients, a lot of women, who are and have gone through or who are going through that midlife. And, um, a lot of it is negative. And I, I, I often question why.

Carmen Hecox : 11:11

So, do you think that you talked about your perspectives changed. So could it be maybe when I'm younger, I keep saying, when I make enough money, I'm gonna buy that Mercedes-Benz. And then 10 years later, I might say, it's not practical to have a Mercedes-Benz, now I'd rather have, that the money that I would've used toward purchasing this bling, I'd rather use it on, know, spending quality time with the people I love or traveling, doing something for myself.

Jennifer Palladino: 11:45

Priority shift. That's, that's what it is, priority shift. It's so funny. It's, it's true. It's what you used to, don't you sometimes everybody I'm saying, don't you sometimes look back and say, what was I thinking? Like why did I, for example this perfect example, when my son, I have a 26-year-old son. When he was a little boy, it was like, You just wanted to gather things. You just thought that if you had, you know, tons of furniture and lots of different China or place settings, or that your future would be better in some way. I can't wait to get rid of this stuff. You guys, it's like, what am I gonna use this for? Who could use this? How many different China patterns do I need? It's very different. It's almost like, I think, when you hit midlife, you're ready to dump a lot of the stuff that now you see, it's holding you back. Whereas you were trying to make gains. A lot of people think, oh, more is better. And that is so not true. That's so not true. Sometimes less is way better because there's a burden with all this stuff. And here's a lot of people can relate to this, Carmen, when you start taking care of your parents because they're aging and they have all that stuff, and you think, what am I gonna do with this? My kids don't want it. It's to them outdated. Yet, to me, it's so sentimental, but where am I gonna put it? How am I gonna use it? It's, it's a lot of that. So your priorities shift and change, and so your desires shift and change accordingly. And I think the best advice for people is it's, like the Tao Te Ching or the Tao, Tao one of the tenants that Lao Tzu, who was the prophet, said all those thousands of years ago. And I'm paraphrasing, of course; it's gotta flow like water. So when there are changes, You have to go with the changes. So that's what midlife has presented to me. And it makes me happier to think, okay, well, now I have my profession, and I've been in it for 30 plus years, and I've lived in my house for 30 plus years, and I have my child, he's 26. It's not like I'm looking to start a family or looking to buy a house or just graduated school and starting a business or practice. It's, it's already done for years. So when you get that priority shift, you look at things differently in a healthy way, and you should.

Carmen Hecox : 14:47

So you kind of look at midlife as a gift, as opposed to a crisis.

Jennifer Palladino: 14:51

Absolutely. Absolutely. Now I have to say, a lot of my patients, male and female, talk about, oh, I hate this. They talk about, well, we're getting old. No, you're getting old. I am not getting old. Not up here. It's up here. It's how you view things. Because I notice people that say that they're sick. They have ailments, they have limitations that they put on themselves. Their friends feel the same way. And I don't have that. I have friends in old age groups. I have a lot of young friends. I have a lot of very young friends. 25, 26, we go to concerts together. I have friends in their forties, and they turn me on to like all this crazy like metal music, and I turn them onto the old punk. But I'm always looking for great opportunities, and you can always recycle the things in life to suit your circumstances. So just take care of your health. Main thing biggest.

Carmen Hecox : 16:10

And I think that you, at least from I've known you for almost two years now, I would say that you live a very youthful life. Don't judge Jen by your experience because of some of the things that you talk about, growing up and stuff; judge you based upon the way you carry yourself, and you carry yourself in a very youthful way. I'm not saying that you're going out and doing some crazy 20-year-olds would do, but you're very, as you said, very fluid. You're very open to learning new things. You're not afraid to step out of that comfort zone. This is the way we've done it, and this is the way it works. You're open to try the new scary stuff.

Jennifer Palladino: 16:59

I am, I have to say, so my mom is gonna be 91 soon, and I had a really great close, tight relationship with my grandmother, my mother's mother. And she was, of course, old-fashioned as the term goes. And so I value a lot of, I guess, the style. I do have that component in me where I enjoy a lot of, like, for example, I enjoy a lot of, old black-and-white movies. To me, they're wonderful. It's definitely a hobby of mine, but yet I love Public Image Limited; that's Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols, his band; he's my hero. And I go see them, and there's mosh pits and things, and I get dressed up goth punk. I mean, so that balance of. Being able to just enjoy. You don't have to categorize anything. It's just you just have to enjoy what you like. And if you like something that's young, quote on quote, young, or you like something that's quote on quote old, I mean, that's the enrichment part. That's where the joy, that's where the enrichment comes from. It's those things give you joy.

Carmen Hecox : 18:22

So I wanna circle back to something you had said before. How did you cope with the common challenges that many women face, during midlife, such as physical health and shift in relationships? Because I'm pretty sure you've had that where your body feels a little bit different. There's certain things that you can't control and shift in relationships because you did say that some of your patients, you've noticed they have that mindset of Debbie Downer, and you notice that the people they hang out with are also Debbie Downers. From a personal perspective, how have you adapted to things that are out of your control? Like physical change, shift in your health, and shift in relationships.

Jennifer Palladino: 19:05

Well, the health part, it's the nature of my job. I'm a doctor of chiropractic, so I'm educated in nutrition, and I've become like a bit; it's not extreme for me as a doctor giving patients advice and working with patients with supplementation and dietary shifts and changes. To my family, they think I'm insane, uh. But, and I think I'm careful with my diet. I haven't eaten fast food in, I don't know, 15 years. Yeah, never, not even enough. Not even a McDonald's fry. Not even one, because I know that's the detriment. So, and I'm not saying I'm Italian, and it's I love pastries, Italian pastries. It's not like I haven't had a cannoli, but I'm careful because of the sugar. And I take very specific supplementation. I also find that it's not just diet; it's certainly movement and exercise. And for me, If you don't get outside, I don't care what your weather is; you have to get outside and breathe. You have to get outside and just let your energy cuz we're in a room all the time. There's just limited space for your energy. The second you go outside, you can open that up, and you feel different when you come back in. And that, to me, is that break in the action, that being able to have quiet thoughts and breathe and then come back in and do what you need to do, it puts years on your life. So in the physical part of it, that to me is essential. That's going to extend my life. Now, as far as pains and aches and creeks, I mean, I had scoliosis since I'm a child, and so I had back pain as a teenager. So my back pain now is like, yeah, oh yeah, that, not that it hasn't gotten bad, but I always attribute it to being able to, it's helpful if I had to have it. I, it's great. I'm a chiropractor cuz I can definitely relate to my patient's pain. There's a lot of doctors who've never had that kind of pain, so they might know what to do. But that connection, that understanding, means everything. So my body changing in that respect. I mean, I understand the musculoskeletal pains from most of my life. But again, I try and keep healthy. I do yoga, hot yoga, I spin and walk. My walks are great nature walks and so on a daily basis. So I really try and keep my health and my well-being, mentally, emotionally, physically, on board. And as far as relationships go, uh, so I was married to my son's dad, and we are divorced, but we are good friends because we share something that is, means everything in the world to both of us. We have that commonality, and so my relationship with my ex-husband is good. Not to say I don't wanna punch him in the nose every now and then, but. I'm sure he feels the same way, but we make it work because, you know, I mean, he's, he's a good person. It's just you start to move away in a lot of ways as time goes on, and we were together for a long time, and that changes people sometimes. So I hear a lot of stories, don't forget, I have patients who come and tell me some crazy stuff, some about their horrifying divorces, and I think, wow. I mean, I'm really lucky to not have had that. So yeah, that's been, I guess, in my corner.

Carmen Hecox : 23:12

So you've chosen to have the relationship with your ex-husband be a healthy relationship regardless to why the marriage didn't work. You've taken the spin out of it and said, Hey, it didn't work. We have this beautiful child that we brought into this world, and our relationship being healthy; my son interprets this as this is what a relationship should be like. This is what healthy is like. So you guys are like an example per se.

Jennifer Palladino: 23:43

I don't know about that. But because you know, Carmen, life is not black and white it shades of gray. And the sooner we accept that, when I say black and white, I mean a lot of people like, no, you should, your relationship should be like this or it shouldn't be like that. It's like, I mean, let's face it, you again, you go with the flow of life right. And, so, it's definitely shades of gray. I mean, I certainly care about this person. We've had history together, but, and he has a girlfriend for, oh, I don't know, like, at least 10 years now, maybe 11. So, you know, I, I just, um, things changed between us. So do I still care about him? Yeah. Would, would I still help him if he or his girlfriend needed help? Of course, it's just maybe it's my nature, maybe it's his nature. You know, it's just we realize, or excuse me, I realized that our marriage wasn't working because I wasn't able to be fulfilled. We just didn't have that part. We ha and we still maintain like decent aspects of our knowing each other. But, in that respect, it's, we grew up and out. So, but I'm very grateful that we have that. It's important for us to have that and certainly for my son to understand that he's like my parents.

Carmen Hecox : 25:13

But I think it gives your son that sense of closeness, that he doesn't have to choose sides or anything like that, that he has a mom and he has a dad, and they're good people. They're different people, but they're good people, and they're people that can work cohesively. And I think that's very important.

Jennifer Palladino: 25:33

Totally. And maybe we're cohesively, but I mean, we still have our own styles. We like to go back and forth, still argue about things, but we can still sit down. I know this sounds crazy, and people are like, what? We can still sit down, and we're like, Hey, why don't we put on our wedding video, and we'll count, oh gee, can you believe how many people have passed away since all those years ago? You know, and we'll laugh about things. But then again, I, I might get mad that cuz he comes to visit my son all the time. So, I mean, I see him often enough, but, Do I wanna be married to him? No. Does he wanna be married to me? No. But do we wanna um, continue a, a decent connection and friendship and relationship? Sure. So that's kind of sorta how it is. Um, and so I'm, I'm very grateful about that because Is it unusual? I don't think so. I think a lot of people have pretty; there's a lot of people out there who have decent post-divorce relationships.

Carmen Hecox : 26:36

I think that's very impressive that you said that you two don't mind sitting down and watching the video of your wedding. Because my parents were married for 21 years, and then they got a divorce. And my mom found it very important to have a relationship with my dad. It was just a friendship, and it was more for us. And even though we were all grown, but she just felt that it was important because she didn't want us choosing sides. And I look back and I'm like, wow, my mom is such an amazing woman that she did that for us. Even though my father didn't see things like she did. My father passed away about three years ago, but I have these wonderful memories of my parents because they, my dad, lived for another 21 22 years. But I have those memories of growing up with my parents and then growing older with my parents from a different perspective. And so, I commend you that, that you and your ex-husband are able to say that was a portion of our life, we can't erase it, but this is the season we're in now.

Jennifer Palladino: 27:52

Right, exactly. And I would never wanna erase it, maybe I tweak it; maybe tweak here and there. Oh, maybe I should have done that instead, or, but I mean, basically, no, I think. When you love someone, you love them for who they are, right. As long as you're not being abused physically or emotionally, whatever else there is. I, I think that I'll always love him. Certainly. I mean, I do, but

Carmen Hecox : 28:22

But it's different. It's a different kind of love. It's not the love when you first get married.

Jennifer Palladino: 28:29

Romantic. No, it's not romantic. No, no, no.

Carmen Hecox : 28:33

So, tell me, do you think that perhaps having this different perspective or way of looking at your past to your present, do you think that maybe that may have giving you more peace with entering midlife? Do you think that the way you've accepted that this was my married life? This is my single life. This is the relationship I'm going to have with my ex-husband. Helped you move through midlife as you were going through it.

Jennifer Palladino: 29:08

Well, when you're going through it, you kind of don't analyze it like that because when you do analyze it, it's usually like hindsight. Like, first of all, you think, oh my gosh, how'd I get through that? But when you're looking back like that, other than maybe I would've done this too, I don't think I would've done anything differently. I, I just naturally progressed into moving further away. But yeah, I, I mean, I don't think I would've done anything differently, and I was always good alone, just in general. I always have, even now, I always have projects, and I get excited about doing things, and I have friends, and I'm not walking around going, gee, gee, I'm lonely. So, That is very helpful to where when you're not with a partner when you go from being with a partner to not being with a partner, and we were together a significant amount of time, I don't know, 18 years, something like that. And, when you go from having a partner to not having a partner, I, I had my own business. I had a well-established business, friends already. It wasn't like that part of me had to reinvent. I think what you have to reinvent is who you are. Or who you'll be as a romantic partner. Cuz a lot of times in a marriage, that fades away, and people kind of move away from that. But then you're, he's not in the picture, or she's not in the picture anymore, so you have to, or for women, he's not in the picture anymore. You have to, or she, and you have to reinvent yourself. So the reinvention is usually on so many levels, but I didn't have that always maintain my own deal when it came to friends and business and so forth. As far as the I, for lack of better term, romantic part of me, I just had to allow that to happen. And, you meet somebody, and they have, they bring different things to the table, and so you can maybe touch upon things that you had never known about yourself, which has happened, and then you grow out of that as well. So, but there's always a takeaway. There's always a takeaway from any relationship we have. Even if it was a bad relationship, oh, gee, I, I don't think I'll be doing that again. It's a takeaway. It's a great takeaway. And if you look at all these as not failures, but I guess, trophies that you could set up in your emotional mind and say, look what I learned. Look what I'm not gonna do. Look how I've changed. I would've never thought that way then, but I think this way now. So there are no mistakes. I didn't make that up. There are no mistakes. as long as you, you learn from them. And so I think relationships too, new relationships that you come into, even romantic relationships that you come into, bring different things to the forefront because now it's with a different person, and you are a different person than all those Jennifers ago. That's how I say it. Uh, a million Jennifers ago. So.

Carmen Hecox : 32:45

Cuz I know like some women might be challenged by, oh, I look old. Your body's changing. I'm getting fat. Or, their friends are in a different season than they are. And so, I find that this happens a lot during midlife, and it's either like you said, you become fluid and go with the flow, or you become stagnant and get stuck into, well, it's always worked this way, so let's do it this way. And how far is that gonna get you?

Jennifer Palladino: 33:17

Well. Well, it's like any math equation; you're gonna get the same sum if you don't change the factors. So, I, I hear a lot of women, they're stuck. They're stuck. They're stuck. Well, a lot of that's stuck is because of their cortisol levels are high, because their stress is high because they don't challenge themselves and find a proper dietary plan where they can lose weight, and it's out there, and it's not a fad. It's there's some really reputable, serious ways that you can lose weight, and you can always change your hairstyle and get some new makeup and new clothes. So I don't put up with that. I can't kind of thing. And it all starts with emotion. You gotta get your emotions in check first. Everything will follow. But if you're constantly in that same draggy down, maybe a high-stress job that you take home with you because you know the boss is an idiot or whatever, but you need the paycheck. There's just, there's so many things that you can change, but you have to change the factors in the equation to get a different sum. This is, this is how the world works. So you can do that within your own life, and you'll find changes for sure.

Carmen Hecox : 34:43

So tell me, how did you prioritize your own well-being and happiness in your life? You know, to give you a positive perspective. Cuz like I said, you tend to release a lot of positive. Were you always this way? Or did you say, hey, you know what, I want change, and here's how it's gonna happen?

Jennifer Palladino: 35:01

No, I was not always this way; I was ha. No, no. As a kid, I was as a teenager, really, let's say. No, absolutely not. I was almost pessimistic. But with this current like optimistic current, under riding me because my mother is the most optimistic person. That lady can talk anybody off a ledge, and she's talked me off plenty. And so, I, I learned by example how negative can you be cuz negativity is like, you're so negative, you're so negative. And then it's like, you see, this doesn't work, and that doesn't work well, you keep feeding it. What do you think if you changed your attitude? I mean, how much can you bang your head up against the wall if you change your attitude and looked at the positive things? I'll give you a good example, people talk to me a lot about death and dying, and loss and the grief from loss is a big subject matter. And that grief is, it's very sad, and it takes you down and, but I always, I always equate it to my cat. I'm a cat person, and my cat was two weeks shy of being 19, and she had at least 10 years of kidney disease. And the vets, like, how? Well, because I take good care of my cats. I mean, good care. But at this point, she was going through the process, and she was dying, and it was, it was very hard emotionally. Cuz You know, I've had her since she was four months old, and here she is, two weeks shy of being 19. It's a long time, and through significant times, my little boy picked her out, and now, all these years later. So as she was dying, I called the vet, scheduled a vet to come to the house to put her to sleep because, um, because it was, it was getting, I didn't want her to suffer, and I knew that I had to face this huge grief, what was gonna be huge grief for me, but it was for her. I, I had to put myself aside and do what was right for her because of my love for her. So, because I did that, I look back at it, and I go like this. I pat myself on the back because I was able to be strong, not to be swayed by my emotions because I couldn't experience the pain, but it was for her out of my love for her. This, I guess, how can I say it? Like, it helps with grief. When you say I rallied for that person or that furson, I rallied for that loved being. And so in that it helps me grieve more easier, I guess because, or easier because I, I was there for that person or that being that pet, whichever, and it makes a difference when you look at change like that, you have to look. The positive aspects of things, and that was a positive aspect of her death that her owner, who loved her dearly, was there every moment making her as comfortable as possible for her transition. So it's a tough situation to look at, but it really applies to looking at the positive things in life. Instead of getting stuck in the negativity, you have to turn around and look what's good.

Carmen Hecox : 38:57

Find the good in the difficult situation. Or find the good in the grief.

Jennifer Palladino: 39:04

Yes. Find the good in the difficult situation or the grief of, say, a particular situation like that. She was 18, almost 19 years old, positive. She was well-loved, kept safe, fed. She had other cats around. She was healthy except for this issue. Um, she had a good life. I mean, it gave me, as a, as a responsible pet owner, it gave me a sense of, I guess, accomplishment. Um, and I had the most important thing was I had that magnificent love with her in my life. All you need is love. It boils down to that. So those are amazing things. Absolutely amazing things. So that's what I'm saying. If you look at the goodness and the positivity instead of, I, I miss my cat, of course, I miss my cat. But when I feel those ways, I always think to myself, good mommy. Thank goodness I was there for her. So that's how I turn it around.

Carmen Hecox : 40:16

So let me add in here. Your mom was a school teacher growing up, and you had mentioned that when you were younger, you weren't as positive as you are now. So do you feel that maybe having your mom as a role model perhaps? Attributed to your positive outlook now because you kind of like instilled that in you growing up, even though you maybe didn't want, weren't ready to accept it back then, but you reached a point in your life where mom's words started to make sense.

Jennifer Palladino: 40:50

Yes. Well, I a little backstory. I had a very difficult situation growing up. My dad had severe mental illness, and my mother, of course, she didn't know until the marriage, of course, and then this tragic, tragic situation happened. And um, but in the face of it all, she had to protect her daughters and try and, and, and make the best of the situation. And eventually they got divorced and because it was just better for her to separate us out from that household. Cuz it could have gotten, it could have gotten dangerous, really. So as a little girl growing up, seeing that and loving your parents, but seeing difficulty, trying to make sense out of all the the uncertainty and just, I mean, there's, for people who have experienced that, they get it, I'm sure, but it's, such tumultuous, situation and then to be a little girl so vulnerable, it really shapes you. And so I've had to really climb out of a lot of those ideas about how it shaped me. And that was, that's been a challenge. So, of course, as a teenager, you you go through that rebellious, but I'm generally a rebellious person, which is good. I I look at it as a positive attribute. But, it was getting heavy at points. But again, I always had that thread. My, my mother's an unusual person in that I, I couldn't have been blessed with a better mother; she was my savior, really. That's how I view it. And my sister too, cuz my sister is very positive as well. And so, and it was because of our mother. So it just took time, time to really see, but she always fostered like any ideas I had creative, or she always fostered that and encouraged me to be a chiropractor. And even when I said, Hey mom, I'm moving 3000 miles away to go to school. She encouraged, she didn't want me to, but she encouraged me to do it because she wanted me to be happy. And I'm still 3000 miles away, almost 40 years later. So I just saw from her tried and true positivity that there's nothing like it. There's no; you can rally the troops by being positive. And when I see, when I say rally the troops, I mean friends and people. There's just so much to be excited about. It's just you have to see it. Oh, but so-and-so's dying. Or, this horrifying thing is happening. Yeah, I know, but you can still be a happy person with tragedies happening as opposed to just absorbing those tragedies and letting those tragedies define you. Difference. Difference.

Carmen Hecox : 43:59

I mean, I've gone through challenges in my life, and some people sometimes ask me, like, cuz I have an ex-husband as well, and people have asked me, why don't you hate him? You should hate him for what he did. I don't hate him or anyone who came into my life from after my ex-husband to this point. Because I feel like negative or positive, whatever happened along my journey has made me the person I am today. Those experiences, whether they were negative or positive, have helped shape me to who I am. Little, yeah, little trophies. Some of them are little broken trophies, but they're trophies.

Jennifer Palladino: 44:49

Mm-hmm. They still have a place. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's a good way to look at it.

Carmen Hecox : 44:57

Yeah. Cuz had those experiences not happened? Who would I be today?

Jennifer Palladino: 45:03

Right? Right. People get stuck in those relationships. They're afraid to move because the fear is so overwhelming. But sometimes, when you're licking the bottom of the barrel, you realize after the last lick you can't go any further down. So there's only one way to go, and that's up. So things can only get better. Ah, okay. So that's a horse of a different color right there.

Carmen Hecox : 45:29

Yeah, I like that. I really like that so tell me, how did you build a support system of friends and loved ones who have helped you throughout your time? I know you initially you said you have friends that are of different ages.

Jennifer Palladino: 45:45

I think, just being in the community doing what I do. I've made friends with a lot of patients, too, because I have patients who've come to me for years as I'm their family doctor, they're a chiropractor, and they go through a million different MDs through their, um, HMOs. But I'm always there for them. So that's been good. But again, I think just through our experiences in life, I just growing up, people back from New York, cuz I grew up in New York as if you couldn't tell from this accent. Um, so I still have friends from all those years ago, and my family is still there. So, but then I came out here to California for graduate school, and I still have friends from graduate school. And then, of course, life, just how it presents, you know, well, the mom's club from when my son was a little boy too. I worked for American Ballet Theater when Mikhail Baryshnikov was artistic director. I have friends from that. I have friends from all the different projects that I've done and the gyms that I've worked out for. I mean, you know, you just as you accumulate friends as you go along, and so that becomes a support system. Especially because I don't have my family in the next town or down the block. They're all the way back east, so my friends are pretty prominent in my life in that way.

Carmen Hecox : 47:17

But have you always been the kind of person that, as a little girl you, had a lot of friends?

Jennifer Palladino: 47:23

No, hell no. No, no. I because I was such a quirky kid, I was a sad child because of what was going on. And I was an outcast cuz I grew up in a town that I wasn't; I grew up in a wealthy Jewish neighborhood, and I was neither, but my mother was a teacher in the school,district and she was well-loved, and because of that, I had you're Mrs. Palladino's daughter? Yes. That's where I had my friends from, but my sister was Miss High School. She was really in for me' no, I liked the work, school work, but I didn't like the social aspect of school because I was going through kind of a living hell with my father's situation. And so it was just a question of time to process. But I always saw, I saw my mother super social. She loves to be social and nice and kind. I saw it firsthand, and it always boils down to that saying, You get more flies with honey than vinegar or something like that. It's true. People respond way better with a kind word than with a sharp word. And so when you're taking care of people, cuz I'm a nurturer by, I guess, osmosis. And so I can't yell at a patient, or hurry up, throw'em out cuz I have 15 more. No, I, I encourage them. Because I see their potential, and I'm very grateful that they've landed on my doorstep. So I can kind of say, no, look at it this way, not this way. And so that's been very helpful. And to see those changes, to see those positive changes, wow. It just makes me happy to be able to be part of that and help people like that. So it took time. It just takes time. You can't let your anger and your fear and your bitterness or resentful being resentful. You can't let that like color your world or get in your way. There's got to be a way to get people say, wait, how do I get rid of that? I, I'm so full of that emotion. Get outside and take a walk, breathe, get some fresh air. Go take a yoga class. Move your body as best you can. Oh, I need a knee replacement, some people might say. Okay, but there are other things you can do. You can, at least you can, sit outside. It's so important to connect with nature. These things change your attitude. That, and my biggest problem, I'll share, I'm a sugarholic. So that's been a really big challenge for me. But it, it changes your body, your, it affects your mind. So there are things you could definitely do to uplift yourself, especially if you're coming out of a marriage, let's say, or making a life change during midlife. If you're making a change or the kids are going to college, and now it's like, huh, it's crickets. There's definitely things you can do. It's the desire to do them. That's what you need, and then you'll find your way.

Carmen Hecox : 50:44

I know we had talked about this last week in the group of girls that hang out with us or virtually; I had made the comment I said Jen's the kind of girl that, if she walked into a party, she'd come out with at least 10 new friends, because that's the person you are. You're just this person that attracts people. I mean, maybe attracts people, or maybe you go out and hunt people down. You see the people that really need you, and you like to push them out of their comfort zone and to be somebody different.

Jennifer Palladino: 51:15

I think what it is, the thought of people, let's say we're all sitting, let's say there's, there's 10 of us, and whoever's watching this includes yourself in it. There's 10 of us or 15 of us, and we're sitting around this table, and we're eating, of course, but we're laughing. We're having a great time. We we have a project we're doing together, and we're just feeding off each other's ideas. Doesn't that appeal? Doesn't that appeal, that happiness, that camaraderie, that togetherness. And then you can go for those who are, cuz I'm, I'm an extra extrovert in certain ways, but I'm an introvert in others, and you have to honor both of that. So when we leave this table of friends with our projects and our ideas, we go home, and we sit alone by it, and we think, gee, you know, that was such a nice experience. I'm so glad I have friends around, and so that's what I kind of strive for is to get people together and, hey, let's go to this show or this sound healing, or, something to that effect where people are like, yeah, that's what I love. I love that. Mm-hmm.

Carmen Hecox : 52:30

What would you say to the person who says, okay, you know I'm gonna take Dr. Jen's advice. I'm gonna go for a walk; I'm gonna go to yoga. But they only go to yoga. They do the class, and then they hightail their butt out of there. They make no connections.

Jennifer Palladino: 52:44

Go back, keep going back. Cuz that's what yoga is about. It's not, oh, I did yoga, and no, you have; it's a practice. Yoga is a practice, and like with any kind of exercise, you start to crave it. But with yoga, you find it's not only, of course, good because it gets your blood circulating and, but with yoga, you learn concentration, you learn focus. You learn how to quiet your mind, and you start to crave that. So don't just do one class. Keep going back and develop practice.

Carmen Hecox : 53:21

But I mean as far as, like connecting with the other people.

Jennifer Palladino: 53:24

Well, when you're there, you develop this need to go, and then you see the same person over and over, the same people over and over,again and then you know, oh hi, you come often to this class, don't you? Oh, my name's so, and so that's how it is. You don't have to be some, like, that's me. I like to talk to people, but even if I was shy and I kept seeing this one gal that, you know, we start a little conversation cuz she likes that part of the room and so do I to put our mats down. It's you do it to your own capacity, your own desire, but you don't need a million friends one or two good friends means everything.

Carmen Hecox : 54:06

Do you have any advice for women who may feel overwhelmed or uncertain? Because they're going through their own midlife crisis or they're transitioning through it. What kind of advice would you give them to just kind of help them deal with everything that they're currently being faced with and they're going to encounter? Because there's so many changes that take place physically, emotionally.

Jennifer Palladino: 54:29

Well, I mean, it depends because there's so many different situations, but first thing first is I would say you have to be good to yourself, and that means if you have a partner who is not honoring you and who is not treating you as you should be treated. It's time to step away or to reassess or to somehow change that factor in the equation because it's never going to, it's never going to change. And you never wanna, this is what I say. My mother gets mad at me. You never wanna lie in your deathbed and say, why didn't I? No. You wanna say, I'm so glad I did okay even late in the game. Don't even worry about that. The first thing is you can't have another person abusing you emotionally, physically. That's unacceptable. So, um, but if that's not the case, and you know, there's plenty of women who feel stuck physically. Again, physically, they tell me, well, I have to cook for my family, so I can't. I separated my meals, and I made mine, and I made theirs. It was extra work. I was still working. I still had a full plate, pardon the pun, but in other ways. But I made sure that I did for me; I kept doing. For me, I had to because if I'm going to be in charge of the kids, of the household, of my job, whatever my job ends up being, and all the many 10,000 things in life, I have to make sure that I'm healthy and I'm happy because if I'm not happy, no one else is gonna be key factor, key. You know, they say, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. So then you can put the oxygen mask on, your children or your whomever around you. You have to; you have to focus on yourself. And if you think it's selfish, you're not gonna last. You won't last. Something will happen. And then you're gonna be forced to take care of yourself. Like, I've seen it. People just try and do so much, and then they have a heart attack. Oh, I guess you're forced now to take care of yourself. You see? So, so these are the things that I know it's hard. I know it's people get stuck. It's understandable. But again, you have to take your own bull by the horns.

Carmen Hecox : 57:11

What about those women that perhaps are stuck with; what would my life have been if I would have married my high school sweetheart? And they become so fixated that their life sucks because someone threw a wrench in there, and they didn't end up with Mr. Wright. And their whole life is just consumed on its bad because this is where it should have been, and so they're not moving forward.

Jennifer Palladino: 57:39

Right, but that's obvious then that something's wrong with the person themselves that they need to fix first because this Mr. Wright thing is, in, in the time that I grew up, oh gosh, my mother used to say this to my sister and I, your wedding day will be the happiest day of your life. No, it'll be one of the happiest days. It's not the happiest day; come on. It's that kind of thing. When you think somebody else is going to define you or complete you, that's another one to me in my book, oh, oh, no, oh, he completes me. Gimme a break. You complete you. That's what you need to do, is you need to complete you. And then whoever comes to the table better be bringing their a hundred percent of thumbs up because yeah. Yeah, that's the whole thing. You have to really focus on you first and really cleaning up what you need to clean up first. And if a spouse is, then you need to let that go for your own welfare and betterment. It's something that you can do, Yeah. I hate to hear when women feel stuck in a marriage; it's just not good for energetics. It's not good for their physical health because you internalize all that stuff, so when it's not right here, you start internalizing it, and your body starts to be affected. I wouldn't do that for any man or any woman, so that's key. I know these things sound harsh. Holy cow, doc. But, I mean, here we are talking about it, and sometimes people need to hear it.

Carmen Hecox : 59:32

So your key points are focus on you; you first. Analyze and see what is going on, what needs to be changed.

Jennifer Palladino: 59:42

Yes, yes. But I have to clarify that. Yes, you first accept if you have little children; let's face it, parenting equals sacrifice. When they're little, and they need guidance, you should take food out of your own mouth for them because they need this now until the time they're. Yeah, I know I do my son's laundry still. He is 26. Okay. Okay. But again I I have to say that you need to take care of your children. Your children should be your first priority over your husband. Well, in my opinion, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Cuz they depend on you. So I've heard many stories where the husband takes precedence, and the children suffer for it. And you don't wanna wreck their life, their emotional life. You had children take responsibility; they come first. So yes, you do come first, but we're talking midlife. So usually, at this point, your children are grown up enough to where they're really starting to take on their own responsibilities and their own focuses

Carmen Hecox : 1:00:53

And I think point number two, you said, get connected with nature, get moving. Do Something.

Jennifer Palladino: 1:01:01

Yes, yes,

Carmen Hecox : 1:01:02

Don't sit in that rut.

Jennifer Palladino: 1:01:03

Exactly. And did you know, Carmen, that there's something called earthing? Whereas if you take off your shoes and socks and go outside and stand on your grass, or even if you're that daring in the snow. I wouldn't do it in the snow, but some people do. The transference of negative energy, you are grounding into the earth, and so you really feel revitalized. Here's a perfect example. Take a walk on the beach. Where you're walking in the sand, you feel the water lapping up on your feet as you walk. Beautiful, perfect way to do some earthing and to really release a lot of negativity. There's also plenty of videos on YouTube as far as self-help through sound, through meditation. It's there; it's all there.

Carmen Hecox : 1:02:01

And then I think another point that you brought up is try new things. Step out of that comfort zone, try new things.

Jennifer Palladino: 1:02:08

Yeah. Yeah. Even if it's like ever so slight, something just different that will help you open your mind and see that change is a possibility for all of us, and you'd rather be able to make your own change instead of have change foisted on you.

Carmen Hecox : 1:02:29

Then I think you brought up another point; you said let go of negative feelings. Don't feed it. Don't feed the beast.

Jennifer Palladino: 1:02:38

No, no. And how to do that. That's the big question. How do you do that? Oh, I'm so angry. I don't know how to; well, there's everything from scream therapy. To, like we said, taking a walk in nature, to talking to a therapist, to leaving the source and getting rid of the source that is making you angry. Some people have a terrible relationship with their mother because it's just it wasn't meant to be. So, there's ways of having boundaries, and boundaries are great. A great way to start when you're trying to focus on self-care is to really learn your boundaries. And so that's an important step that you can at least investigate for yourself.

Carmen Hecox : 1:03:31

All right. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I appreciate you taking the time to provide your experience so that you can help other women. They can listen to what you've said here and apply it to their own self and help them get over midlife crisis and see it as just, it's midlife, it's a season, and I'm gonna embrace it, I'm gonna love it.

Jennifer Palladino: 1:03:58

Yes. Yes. And also too, it's like everybody has their own style of doing things. I wouldn't say, oh, just because I do it that somebody needs to do it my way. No, I'm not like that at all. But at least within your own way or approach or style of doing things, you can expand yourself out. You can kind of reach out and find your way. For sure. so that's, that's super important. I think a super important factor that it's just, it's all individual.

Carmen Hecox : 1:04:30

Being open. Being open to try different things.

Jennifer Palladino: 1:04:34

Yes,

Carmen Hecox : 1:04:34

I know I didn't prepare you for this, but do you have any food for that?

Jennifer Palladino: 1:04:41

Ah, well, time is ticking. Time is ticking in everybody's life. And like I said, the last thing you wanna do is say, why didn't I? So now is a good at time as any to make, start making those changes for yourself. And the one thing is be kind to yourself. All this, why didn't I and I should have, and all this. We don't have any time for that. It's time to make a change because it'll all be good, but you have to take that step, and you can do it. We're women, we're strong, we're smart, and I've always believed that we were the stronger sex in every way. In every way. Keep in mind this last thought that the brain we have the right and left hemispheres in a woman. There's something, there's in, in the human brain, there's the corpus callosum, and what it does is it integrates left to right. Now, this is why they say men are pretty one focus. But women, because we're capable of being mothers and we have to multitask, our corpus callosum really integrate. So, keep in mind that as women, we can multitask, and we can and men can't do that as well as we can. So that is, of course, a positive for us. And use it; use that ability. You can do this, there's lots of things on all our tables, but you have to, ultimately, we have to take care of ourselves, and that's the most important thing,

Carmen Hecox : 1:06:35

All right. For people that may wanna hear more about Jen, you will find all her information in my show notes, and again, her podcast is Rock'N Healthy Lifestyle.

Jennifer Palladino: 1:06:48

Right? So it's Rock'N Healthy lifestyles. That's ROCK apostrophe N and Healthy Lifestyles. And you can find me on Instagram on Rock'N Healthy Lifestyles or Dr. Jen Palladino on Facebook. And I also have a Facebook group called Music Hacks for Mental Health, which is a lot of fun. We talk about how music can help you lift your spirits. That's the key is if we wanna lift our spirits and so, or make us happy. So, um, so come join me. I'd love to meet.

Carmen Hecox : 1:07:23

Thank you so much.

Jennifer Palladino: 1:07:25

Thank you, Carmen. Thank you very much.

Carmen Hecox: 1:07:28

And that's a wrap for today's episode of Create the Best Me. Thank you so much for listening and tuning in to our conversation with the amazing Dr. Jen. I hope you learned a lot and gained some valuable insights on how to feel fully alive in midlife. If you enjoy this episode and want to stay updated on all my latest content, please be sure to visit createthebestme.com and sign up for my newsletter. That way you'll never miss a new episode or exciting announcements. As always, I love hearing from my listeners and viewers, so don't be shy. If you have any feedback, comments or questions, feel free to reach out to me on social or drop a line on my website. I appreciate your support and can't wait to share more inspiring stories with you. Until next time, have a fantastic day. Bye for now.