Create The Best Me

5 Signs You're Not Living In The Present

• Carmen Hecox • Episode 127

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In “5 Signs You’re Not Living in the Present,” I explore the everyday habits and thought patterns that keep so many of us stuck in autopilot constantly multitasking, fixated on regrets, or worrying about the future. If you feel like your days are passing in a blur or the happiest moments slip by unnoticed, this episode is for you.

I break down the five biggest indicators that you’re not living in the moment and, more importantly, how you can gently retrain your mind to come back to the present. With practical tips and mindfulness strategies, you’ll learn how to stop chronic multitasking, end rumination about the past, manage future worries, respond to emotions thoughtfully, and finally find a sense of peace right where you are.

If you’ve ever wondered why it’s so hard to be present in midlife or how presence could transform your relationships, confidence, and joy, this episode answers it all.

What You’ll Learn:

  • The neuroscience behind why multitasking and living on autopilot derails happiness and memory
  • Practical steps for accepting and reframing regrets from your past
  • Mindfulness and grounding techniques to interrupt chronic anxiety about the future
  • How high emotional reactivity signals disconnection from the now, and how to change it
  • Ways to find genuine enjoyment in the everyday, even after decades of busyness

 

Call To Action:

Are you ready to take back control of your focus and create a richer experience, moment by moment? Comment below with one small step you’ll commit to this week! Like, share, and subscribe to keep growing with a vibrant, supportive community.

 

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep127

 

Related Episodes:

🎧 Listen to these episodes: 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/17204469 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/15395445 

 

#5SignsYoureNotLivingInThePresent #MindfulLiving #Presence #CreateTheBestMe #MidlifeWomen #MentalWellness #SelfAwareness #EmotionalHealth

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Do you ever look at your life, maybe your grownup children or the career you've built and feel like you've watched it all happen in a blur? You know, you were there, you went through all the motions, checked all the boxes, but feel like the memories feel distance. Like a movie you saw a long time ago. For years, life was a whirlwind of carpools deadlines and never ending to-do list. You were constantly busy, but were you truly present for it all? If you feel like the best years have just passed you by, you're not alone. This is a subtle trap so many women in midlife fall into: being physically present, but mentally and emotionally checked out. It's the feeling of having lived on autopilot. But here's the beautiful truth about this chapter of your life: you may have more time now. Time to reconnect with yourself. Time to be present in a way you couldn't before. This isn't about chasing some mystical zen This is about taking your life back from regrets of yesterday and the anxieties of tomorrow. This is your invitation to step out of the audience and become the star of your own life, right now. In this video, I'm going to share five huge undeniable signs that you are not living in the present. And more importantly, we'll walk through simple steps you can take to reclaim your focus, your peace, and your joy in this new, incredible season of your life. The first and most common sign you're not living in the present is you're constantly multitasking and running an autopilot. For years, this was our survival skill. Think about your mornings back then. Did you ever taste your coffee or were you packing lunches, answering emails, planning the family schedule all at once. In the shower, were you feeling the warmth of the water or mentally rehearsing a presentation for work that's autopilot. It's eating a whole meal while standing at the counter and not remembering a single bite. This, my dear, goes hand in hand with the myth of multitasking. As women we're taught to wear our busyness like a badge of honor, it's the supermom, the to-do-it-all professional.

But the science is clear:

multitasking is a lie. The brain can't focus on multiple complex tasks at once. What we're actually doing is switching back and forth really, really fast and exhausting. Every time you switch, your brain pays the price. This mental gymnastics routine taxes, your brain drains your energy and spikes your stress level with the hormone called cortisol, leading to more anxiety and irritability. It's messing with your memory and making you more likely to make mistakes. Some studies suggest that particularly heavy media multitasking, using a phone laptop or watching TV simultaneously might shrink the part of your brain link to empathy and emotional control. So while you thought you were getting more stuff done, you're really shattering your attention, stressing yourself out and robbing yourself of the chance to fully embrace everything. So how do we escape the cycle that we've been in for decades? The answer is to give yourself permission to practice singletasking. First, just become aware of it without judgment. Start noticing how often you default to juggling multiple things. You'll probably be shocked at how deep the habit runs. Next, pick up one activity, give it your full undivided attention. Let's start with your next cup of coffee or tea. For those five minutes, make it your main event. Put your phone down. Instead of planning your day, focus on the sensation; the warmth of the mug, the aroma and the taste. When your mind starts to wander, and it will just gently nudge it back. Apply this everywhere. When you eat, just eat. Sit at the table, put your phone away, turn off the tv, and take a moment to notice the colors smell and the textures of your food. When you talk to your partner, children, friends, really listen. Put your phone face down and focus on what they're saying. You'll find relationships deepen when people feel truly heard. Finally, set up some tech-free zones or times. Maybe it's during meals, the first hour of your day or in the bedroom. This isn't about hating technology; it's about controlling it so it doesn't control you. By intentionally doing one thing at a time, you're not just being more effective, you are retraining your brain to be present. You're sending powerful messages that this moment right now is what matters most. The second sign you're not living in the present is that your mind is a permanent resident of the past. I'm not talking about fond memories; I'm talking about ruminating the habit of replaying the past events over and over, like a movie stuck in a painful loop. For women in midlife, this often shows up as, regret, guilt or toxic nostalgia. Regret is living in the "what ifs,""if only," and "what if I had pursued that career?" " If only I had been more of a patient mother." Guilt fixates on things you believe you did wrong, trapping you in self-blame. And the toxic nostalgia idealizes a "prime time" in your past, maybe before marriage or when the kids were little, convincing you that the best days are behind you. This makes it impossible to find joy now, because nothing can compare to those airbrushed memories. If your thoughts are constantly stuck back into these loops, you are not present. Healthy reflection helps us grow, but rumination keeps you emotionally chained to something you cannot change. It hijacks your mental bandwidth, stopping you from engaging with the here and now. It's a direct pipeline to feelings of hopelessness and anxiety. So how do you break free? This is where midlife offers a unique opportunity not to change the past, but to finally heal from it by living differently now. It's about learning to acknowledge, reframe, and refocus. First practice acceptance. When regret pulls you back, don't fight it. Pause and acknowledge the thoughts without judgment saying to yourself," I'm having the thought that I regret that," whatever that thought may be. This creates space reminding you that you are not your thoughts. You're not saying what happened was, okay, you are just letting yourself stop fighting a war that is already over. Second, reframe the story. Instead of seeing your past as a reel of your failures, see it as a library of lessons.

Ask yourself:

What did this experience teach me? How did it make me stronger? Every mistake holds a lesson. You can now use that wisdom. Maybe you weren't as present for your kids as you wanted to be. You can't change that, but you can be incredibly present for them and for yourself starting today. Finally, actively pull your attention into the presence with gratitude. Gratitude is the ultimate anchor to now. When you find yourself ruminating intentionally shift your focus into three things you're grateful for right now. It could be the comfortable chair you're sitting in the quiet house, the freedom in your schedule. A daily gratitude journal can retrain your brain to scan for the good in your current life, not the perceived hurts of your past. Just as being stuck in the past robs you of the present, but so does constantly living in the future. The third sign is excessively worrying or chronic anxiety about what's to come. This is the land of "what if," and in midlife the question changes." What if my children don't need me anymore?" "What is my purpose now?"" What if my partner and I grow apart?""What about my health or my aging parents or retirement?" Your mind becomes a catastrophic making machine. This isn't healthy planning; it's destructive, worring, spinning in a loop of negative outcomes. If you're constantly preoccupied with these future anxieties, you are not living in the present. You are living in the hypothetical terrifying tomorrow. And the great irony is that many of us spend decades preparing for this future, getting the kids through school, building a career, and now that it's here, we have no idea how to actually live in it. We're still just getting ready for a life we've never let ourself experience. This constant future tripping creates chronic stress that leads to burnout. Physically, it can show up as a tight, jaw, tense shoulders, and a racing heart as your nervous system gets stuck in a fight or flight. Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere. The antidote is to ground yourself in the only moments you can

actually control:

right now. One of the best ways is 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, grounding exercises. When your mind starts spiraling, pause. Name five things you can see. Four things that you can feel. Three things you can hear. Two things you can smell. And one thing you can taste. This simple trick yanks your brain out of abstract worrying and plants it firmly in the present. Another strategy is to schedule worry time. Set aside 15 minute windows each day to do nothing but worry. If worry pops up earlier, tell yourself, I'll deal with you during my four 30 appointment. When the time comes, you often find the worry has shrunk or you've forgotten all about it. This teaches your brain that you are in charge. Finally, a constant mindfulness meditation practice is a game changer. It's not about stopping your thoughts; it's about learning to watch them without getting carried away. Apps like Headspace, Calm or even your smartwatch might have additional tools that can guide you. Over time, this builds your ability to stay calm and teaches you that while you can't control the future, you can always control your focus right now. The fourth sign you're not living in the present is a pattern of high emotional reactivity. This is when you feel at the mercy of your feelings instantly reacting without a moment of pause. Maybe you have a short fuse where tiny frustrations trigger a massive burst of anger. Or maybe you feel chronic boredom or restlessness, or a constant need for new stimulation to avoid feeling empty. This can lead to impulsive behaviors saying things you'll regret, online shopping, sprees or numbing, uncomfortable feelings with an extra glass of wine or hour of scrolling. This is often a defense mechanism against the present moment, especially during emotional and hormonal shifts of midlife. When we're disconnected from the now, we're disconnected from ourselves. We haven't learned to sit with discomfort like sadness, loneliness, or boredom. So, when those feelings surface, our instinct is to either lash out or run away. The impulsive actions gives us a quick hit of relief, but never solves the underlying issue. This pattern keeps you trapped. It prevents you from learning what your emotions are trying to tell you. By constantly reacting or escaping, you are denying yourself the chance to gain self-awareness. It can lead to a cycle of self-sabotage where your impulsive actions creates more problems, more negative feelings, and more reactivity. The key is to create tiny space between a feeling and your reaction. In that space is your power. First, practice a sacred pause. The next time you feel a strong emotional urge taking just three breaths before you act. Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for six. This calms your body's stress response and creates that critical gap, giving your rational brain a chance to catch up. Second, label your emotions. After you pause, try to name the feeling is a disappointment? Fear? Loneliness? Simply say, "I am feeling frustrated right now." This dials down the intensity and helps you see the feeling as a temporary visitor, not the entirety of who you are. You aren't anger; you are a person experiencing anger. Finally, start replacing your impulsive escape hatches with healthy outlets. When you feel the urge to mindlessly scroll, continuously choose something different. Go for a short walk. Put on a song and just listen without doing anything else. Or try free writing in a journal for five minutes. These actions are ways to continuously grow yourself in the present and process your feelings in a healthier way. The fifth and final sign is the deepest. You can't seem to find peace or genuine enjoyment in the present moment. You live with persistent feeling that something is missing. This shows up as a constant need for distraction. Silence feels awkward. Stillness feels unproductive. For years your identity was tied to being busy and needed. Now in the quiet, your mind is restless and already jumping to the next thing. There is this nagging feeling that happiness is just around the corner, it comes after the house is empty, after you retire, after you figure out your next act. But when you reach a milestone, the goalpost just seems to move again. This is a profound symptom of being disconnected from the now, because real peace isn't a destination, it's a state of being. You can only access right here. If you're always looking for something outside of this moment to make you feel whole, you're living in a state of perpetual lack. It's a painful way to live, always chasing the horizon that keeps moving. This is often rooted in being disconnected from ourselves after decades of focusing on others. We notice the simple, beautiful details of life happening around us, the warmth of the sun, the taste of fresh fruit, and the sound of laughter. We overlook the small joys because our mind is busy searching for something bigger, future joy. Life becomes a checklist instead of a rich experience. So how do we learn to find that piece right here? It's about cultivating a relationship with the present moment and ultimately with yourself. First, regularly check in with your senses throughout the day, pause and ask: What is one beautiful thing I can see? What sounds can I hear? What does my body feel like? Your senses are a direct portal to the now. Second, set daily intentions for presence. When you wake up. Before grabbing your phone, take one minute to set a simple intention."Today I will be fully present in my conversations," or "Today I will notice one small moment of beauty just for me." This primes your brain to look for opportunities to be present. And finally, most importantly, practice self-compassion. Learning to live in the present is a lifelong practice. Your mind will wander. That's what minds do. The goal isn't perfection; it's to gently and kindly guide your attention back to the present, over and over again. Every time you've noticed, you've drifted, and bring yourself back, that's a victory. Treat yourself with kindness you'd give a friend. It's through this gentle, consistent return to the now that you will slowly rediscover that the peace and joy you've been looking for is right here all along, waiting for you to show up for yourself. So those are the five big signs you might not be living in the present: constant multitasking, replaying the past, worrying about the future, reacting on impulse, and struggling to find peace in the now. If you see yourself in one of these or all of these, it's not a reason for shame. It's a moment of awareness. And awareness is the first and most powerful step toward change. You don't have to tear down your whole life. Reclaiming your presence is a gentle process, especially in this new chapter. It starts with one mindful breath. It continues by choosing to put your phone down during one meal. It grows with each moment you catch your mind wandering and kindly guiding it back. The present moment is not the only place where you have real power. Your life is the sum of past regrets, future anxieties; it's the collection of these precious, fleeting moments. The goal isn't to have a perfectly empty mind, it's to build a relationship with your mind where you are the one in the driver's seat. So I have a question for you. What is one small step you can commit to this week to be more present in this chapter of your life? Share in the comments below. It's incredibly inspiring to read each one of your ideas, and I would love to hear them all. If you found this information helpful, please give us a like and subscribe for more amazing content just for you. If you'd like to read more about being present, please visit createthebestme.com/ep127. Thank you for being present with me today. Until then, continue to live every moment of your life in the present. Catch you next week. Bye for now.