Create The Best Me

The Risks You Take When You Fail To Be Present For Yourself

• Carmen Hecox • Episode 131

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Are you the one who’s always reliable, the steady hub for your family, workplace, and friends? If you find yourself exhausted, disconnected, or feeling invisible, this episode, "The Risks You Take When You Fail To Be Present For Yourself," is for you. I dive into how chronic self-neglect isn’t just about a busy schedule, but a deeper, slow-burning risk to your mental health, relationships, and sense of self.

I discuss openly the habit of self-abandonment, shoving your needs, desires, and joy to the bottom of the list. We explore how this pattern leads to anxiety, depression, midlife burnout, strained relationships, and even impacts your physical health.

You’ll hear why it’s so common for women (especially in midlife or those balancing caregiving roles) to feel lost not just in their responsibilities, but in their own identity. Most importantly, I’ll guide you through actionable steps to reclaim your self-worth, create healthy boundaries, and develop life-changing self-care routines. It’s time to rediscover what genuine presence means and why it’s essential for your well-being.

What You’ll Learn:

  1. Why “The Risks You Take When You Fail To Be Present For Yourself” are bigger than just being busy or helpful, they’re about micro-moments of self-abandonment.
  2. How ignoring your own needs and feelings leads to classic signs of burnout: anxiety, fatigue, sleep issues, and loss of meaning.
  3. The connection between self-neglect, relationship strain, and a creeping sense of loneliness even surrounded by loved ones.
  4. The physical toll of chronic stress, and why women in midlife (especially during perimenopause or menopause) are especially vulnerable.
  5. Step-by-step strategies to rebuild presence in your life with healthy boundaries, self-discovery, and micro-doses of joy.

Call to Action:
✨ Tune in now for real examples, science-backed advice, and practical tips to help you show up for yourself. If this resonates with you, don’t forget to subscribe and let me know in the comments whether you’re feeling burned out or craving true connection. 

Stay tuned for another amazing episode crafted especially for you! 

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep131 

https://createthebestme.com/ep127  

Related Episodes:

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https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/17668267

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/17589167 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/17441076 

#BePresent #PreventBurnout #CreateTheBestMe #BePresentForYourself #MidlifeMotivation #MenopauseSupport #WomensWellness #HealthyAging 

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I bet you're the one who always says yes, aren't you? You are the one who handles the crisis at work, remembers every single birthday, and soaks up everyone else's stress. On the outside, you probably look like you're crushing it. You are the reliable one, the strong one, the one everyone counts on. You've become the hub of the wheel for your family, friends, and career. It feels like the whole thing depends on you to keep it spinning and to bear the load. And you've gotten so good at it, you probably don't even question it anymore. It's just who are you? But if you're so good at holding it all together, why do you feel exhausted, so drained, so completely disconnected. You're constantly showing up for everyone else.

But let's be honest:

what happens when you repeatedly fail to show up for yourself? That feeling of being disconnected is more than just stress. It's a quiet alarm going off in the back of your life, warning you that your relationship, your health, and your very sense of self are on the line. And that alarm is getting harder and harder to ignore. So let's talk about the real risk you're taking and more importantly, how to pull back before it's too late.

Let's get one thing straight:

failing to be present for yourself isn't about having a busy schedule. It goes deeper than that. It's a slow creeping pattern of self abandonment. It's the habit of shoving your own needs, feelings, and dreams to the bottom of the list right after everyone else's. It's the thousand tiny ways you give a piece of yourself away every day. It's saying, I'm fine when you're actually crumbling. It's ordering the food everyone else wants, watching their movie and building your day around their agenda until what you want is just a faint, forgotten whisper. We've been taught that our worth comes from what we do, our productivity, our service, our availability to juggle, all with a smile. But in the process of becoming a human who's doing, you can forget how to be a human who's being. This isn't a sudden implosion. It's a slow fade. It's like a photograph left in the sun, losing its color so gradually you don't notice until one day you'll look at it and realize it's just a ghost of what it used to be. That feeling of being a stranger in your own life? That's the first sign, the risks are no longer just risks. They're becoming your reality. The silence when you're asked, what do you want, the hesitation when you have a free hour, that's nagging dissatisfaction, even after a productive days; these are the symptoms. But the root cause is self neglect and the consequences are serious. So let's look at the high stakes of failing to be present. The first thing to take a hit is your own mind. When you're constantly ignoring your internal signal, that gut feeling, that wave of exhaustion, they don't just disappear. They get louder. They bubble up as a low grade hum of anxiety that becomes the soundtrack of your life. You might find yourself overthinking everything, imagine the worst case scenarios or just feeling a sense of dread for no good reason. For many women, especially those navigated midlife, this isn't just in your head; it's in your biology. During perimenopause and menopause, your hormones are on a rollercoaster. Fluctuating estrogen and progesterone directly messes with the chemicals in your brain that regulates your mood, like serotonin and dopamine. This biological shift makes you way more vulnerable to anxiety and stress. In fact, some studies showed that a majority of women report experiencing anxiety symptoms during this phase of life. So that feeling that your brain is betraying you isn't a personal failing. It's a physiological response, supercharged by years of putting yourself last. This mental strain often leads to a full-blown identity crisis. For years, your identity was probably tied up in your roles: parent, partner, professional caregiver. You were the organizer, the peacemaker. But when those roles shift, maybe the kids grow up and they leave the home; you're left with the terrifying, quiet question: Who am I now? You look in the mirror and see the sum of your responsibilities, but guess what, you can't find them. This slide of anxiety leads to loss and can lead straight to depression and burnout. The constant fatigue, the sleep problems that plague so many midlife women, and the feeling of being emotionally bankrupt creates a perfect storm for mood disorders. But if this is hitting home, I need you to hear me. This is not your fault. Your brain and your body aren't broken. They are screaming for your attention. That unraveling you feel is a desperate call for help from the deepest part of you. The chaos you feel inside rarely stays inside. It spills out into your relationships, creating tiny cracks in the very connections you've worked so hard to build. Because when you're disconnected from yourself, you can't be truly connected to others. You can be useful to them, but you can't be in a real partnership with them. This shows up as irritability or pulling away. Maybe your partner says you seem distance, or your friends notice that you're not there, even when you're in the room. You might snap over little things because you have zero emotional bandwidth left. You can be surrounded by people you love and feel profoundly alone. That loneliness isn't just from a lack of people, it's from a lack of real connection because you've forgotten how to share who you really are. Let's get even more intense for women in the sandwich generation, those caring for aging parents while supporting their own kids. You become the go-to caregiver in every direction, a human charging station for everybody else. But eventually the charging station shorts out. You have nothing left to give and the resentment starts to build can poison the very relationships you're trying to save.

Think about it:

every time you say yes, when you really mean no, you are making tiny sacrifices that feel necessary. But over time, those sacrifices build up and the very relationships you were trying to protect by giving away pieces of yourselves becomes the biggest casualties. I'm curious, which of these risks is hitting closest to home for you? Is it the internal psychological stuff and the non-stop anxiety? Is it the strain you're feeling in your relationships? Or is it that deeper feeling of being lost in your own life? Let me know in the comments. Reading through the shared stories is a powerful reminder that none of us are alone in this. The final risk is slowly crumbling of your life's foundation. This is about more than your mood; it's about your health, your career, and your satisfaction with the one you have. When you aren't present for yourself, you're losing your internal compass. You have no idea what you want or where you're going. Professionally, you might feel totally checked out from a career you used to love. That drive you used to have feels like a distant memory. This isn't about suddenly waiting to quit your job and move to a remote island. It is a quieter, deeper sense of dissatisfaction, a feeling that the ladder you once spent your life climbing is leaning against the wrong wall. At the same time, your physical health starts paying the bill. Chronic stress isn't just a feeling; scientists call physical

consequences allostatic load:

the wear and tear on your body from being in a constant state of alert. This isn't just about feeling tired. It's increases your risk for cardiovascular disease, the aches, the bad sleep, the fatigue. It's your body keeping score of every time you push past your limits. When your mind is struggling, your relationships are strained, your body is exhausted, and you start to feel a deep loss of meaning.

This is the ultimate risk:

you wake up one day and realize you're just an observer in your own life. You're managing it, but you're not living it. You've outsourced your joy to everyone else, and you're left with aching emptiness of whatever's left over. After all that heaviness, the only question that matters

is:

How do we fix this? How do we learn to show up for ourselves again, not as another chore, but as a way of life? Before we get into any strategies, I want to give you something. It's the most important first step, and it's free it's permission. This is your official permission slip to be selfish. Permission to put yourself first without having to explain why. Permission to rest when you're tired. To say no. To disappoint someone, if it means honoring yourself. We have to completely redefine self-care. It's not an indulgence. It's a non-negotiable act of survival. It's putting on your own oxygen mask first. You can't change what you're not aware of. You've been running on autopilot for years. The first step back to you is to interrupt that autopilot with tiny moments of awareness. This doesn't take an hour. It takes 30 seconds. So let's try it right now. Wherever you're at, just pause. Take one deep, slow breath. And now quietly ask yourself one simple question: What do I need in this moment? Don't judge your answer. Just listen. Maybe you need a glass of water. Maybe you need five minutes of silence. Maybe you need a good cry. Whatever it is, just notice it. That's it. That's the start of being present. The goal is to sprinkle these micro check-ins throughout your day. The question, " What do I need right now?" Is a revolutionary act. It's telling yourself that you matter. If awareness is listening to yourself, boundaries are protecting yourself. They're not walls to push people away. They're the fence you build around your energy so that you have space to recharge. Setting boundaries is going to feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you're a lifelong people-pleaser. You will feel guilty. Expect the guilt. But I want you to reframe it. Guilt is not a sign you're doing something wrong. It's the feeling of old self-abandonment programming dying off. It's a withdrawal symptoms from a lifetime of putting everyone else first. It's a sign you're healing. So what does this look like? It's saying, "I'm sorry I can't take that on right now," without a five minute excuse. It's telling your family, "I need 20 minutes to myself when I get home before I switch onto family mode." It's not answering a non-urgent work email after 7:00 PM. It is telling a friend, "I have space to listen for about 15 minutes, but then I need to switch gears." These aren't acts of selfishness. They are act of self preservation. They teach others how to treat you, and more importantly, they teach you that your energy is a valuable finite resource that you have the right to protect. The final step is to proactively re-engage with yourself. This is about reintroducing yourself to the person who lives underneath all the roles and responsibilities. Start by scheduling time for yourself in your calendar. Call it "Me Time." Treat it with the same seriousness as a doctor's appointment. It could be just 20 minutes, three times a week. Protect that time fearlessly. During that time, your only job is to re-learn yourself. Ask questions you haven't thought about in years. What did I love to do before my life was about managing everyone else? What kind of music do I actually like? What would I do with a free Saturday morning? Then start with microdosing of joy. Buy a fancy coffee you love just for you. Take a 10 minute walk without your phone. Listen to your favorite high school song and just see what comes up. These small, intentional acts are how you reclaim your life. There are little whispers in your inner self that say, I see you, I remember you, and you matter. Failing to be present for yourself is not a moral failing. It's a learned survival strategy. But your value doesn't come from what you do for others. It's inherent. It's in your being. The journey back to yourself isn't about adding more to your plate. It's about intentionally taking things off. It's about subtraction, not addition. This path isn't a race. You'll have days, you'll fall back into old patterns, and that's okay. The goal isn't perfection. The goal is simply presence. The goal is to choose yourself one more time today than you did yesterday. You're not alone on this path. We are all just trying to find our way back home to ourselves. If this message resonated with you, please consider subscribing and maybe share it with a friend who needs to hear this today. For your next steps, check out these two videos that dive deeper into practical steps for overcoming burnout. And if you'd like to learn more about five signs you're not living in the present, you can click right here, or here. Or you can find the links for those episodes below in the show notes. For more information not discussed in this episode, please visit createthebestme.com/ep131 Thank you for giving yourself the time to be here and be kind to yourself. And remember, you are beautiful, strong, and worthy to put your own needs and desires first. Thank you for watching. Catch you next week. Bye for now.