Embracing the Darkness: Cultivating Lunar Spirituality (Part 1)

Reflections from The Risale-Nur  a Qur'an commentary by Bediüzzaman Said Nursi

The Letters - First Letter - Second Question

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For an excellent introduction read Exploring Islam: Theology and Spiritual Practice in America by Salih Sayilgan

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Music credits:  © "Uyan Ey Gözlerim" Duet Guitar And Ney, Vol.1 by Eyüp Hamiş

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Alhamdulillah Rabbilalameen Asalat was salam wala rasulinkireim wa ala ellihi washabihi ajmain. Rapisrahli sadri wayasili emri wahhlulukdatamilli sani of kahu kawli. I wanted to reflect on something that I already had mentioned few weeks ago about how or what which kind of spiritual exercises which kind of spiritual exercises have helped me through my own experience of grief. And by now, by now those who have followed and listened to me over these past three years now, it's unbelievable. It's been three years. It's going to be four years in December that I continue living without my sweet daughter. Alhamdulillah. All things is due to Allah. All things belongs to Allah for all circumstances. I deeply affirm that and I live according to that conviction. I have only sincere and utmost gratitude, Shukur, to Allah for all that He has given me in my life for all experiences. Allah is Al-Jameel, Allah is the most beautiful. And everything that He decrees He has written for us, for each and every one of us, is beautiful on its surface or as a result. I have reflected over this many times. And so today I wanted to talk and share a little bit about my own journey, my own five spiritual exercises that continue to sustain me to this immense, intense, transformative experience of grief. And actually, these five spiritual exercises that continue to sustain me through all hardships, so all turmoil in my life have always been a consistent element in my life. And now that I'm looking back with my 46 years of humble experience and insight, again, very limited still, but I can see Alhamdulillah through Allah's grace and guidance, what really matters in times of hardship and trials, and what really helps us all to get through the difficult and dark times in our lives. So this is not just an insight for those who have lost children, which is of course the greatest distress in an adult's life. There is no doubt about that. There have been studies where people have been asked what is the most terrifying, most distressful, most distressing experience in a person's life. And they all answered to witness the death of your own child. Thanks be to all for all circumstances. So it's still unbelievable to me how I continue living with this pain and this broken heart and but as I said before, there's nothing that can fix that broken heart that only Allah is the one who carries you through who carries the person, the believer, through these dark moments with his light. And so three years ago, when I first started reflecting on this experience, and had to wrestle more directly with the reality of death and mortality and what it means to live with such a tragedy, to continue living. I remember three years ago that was the first the first section that I've shared that I reflected on was this question from the first letter, the second question. And it's profound, it has continued to still guide me and leaves me in awe. How Allah continues to create life after death. And we see that in this time of the great resurrection, the season of regeneration and renewal in the season of spring, how Allah promises that He will resurrect all of us after our death as He resurrects the earth after its death. So we don't need to go far, we only need to read the book of the universe, the book of the creation, who is an embodied witness to these Quranic verses, points to the Quranic trajectory. And I remember after Miriam died that in me a voice kept telling me, speak, speak. I knew in my heart and in my conviction that this is not the end, that death is not the end, suffering is not the end, evil is not the end, injustice is not the end, doesn't have the last word. And every time, like I said before, every time I see my completely destroyed minivan, the pictures of it, I knew that this was not the end of my story, that there is more to it, that there is deep meaning and wisdom and purpose behind all of this. That destruction, chaos, confusion, meaninglessness is not the end of, is not the end of the story. And it's not the end of the story of creation. So Alhamdulillah, I have found hope in that. I think reading, speaking, writing, and teaching about death has been a huge honor and blessing, and has helped me to clarify and deepen my own understanding, my own relationship with Allah, helped me to see the light and the purpose behind all of this. And again, this is has this is not to my own credit, but I credit it to the Quranic ocean, the Quranic guidance, the prophetic teachings. And alhamdulillah, for the past 20 plus years as I've been immersed in thinking about the Quran and the creation and the Prophet's life, it all came together. And while I have always affirmed these truths about death and the afterlife, her death really deepened and and sharpened my sense and my vision about life and what is it that truly matters moving forward. So I was able to really clarify my own priorities in life, to slow down, to live life with a higher awareness, with a higher purpose, with clarity, and while yes, my heart is broken, also my heart became it broke open to new to a deeper truth and deeper reality. And and having that very profound experience with death and mortality has transformed me in so many beautiful ways, has not fundamentally changed me but made me a better person, I would say. I hope so. I hope so, of course, I pray that this is the case. And so I am making these points because I want to reflect on the Quranic verse that I've three years ago I've started reflecting, which again leaves me in all three months after my daughter died. I was sitting and thinking, how do I move forward? How do I grow in this in this journey, in this pain? So I remember making this very firm intention, sincere intention to say, Ya Allah, I don't want to just survive this. I want to grow and thrive and become more mature to this pain, sharpen me, elevate me, transform me, deepen me. Alhamdulillah, I was able to, I think that already uh taking a moment and thinking, where do I go, where do I go next? How do I want to look? Uh, how do I want, who do I want to become in 10 years, five years? And what how can I how can I use this tragedy as an opportunity to come closer to Allah, to attain nearness to Allah. So I think we do have we do have choices to make, even in tragedy. We are not simply victims, and we we had reflected on this before that we have agency. We decide how the story ends. And for me, I was guided in my quest for meaning and and growth, spiritual growth through these Quranic truths, through these Quranic insights. And if I can share that with you, as Tawizabullah it says in Suratul Mulk Aladi Kalakal Mauta Walhayata Liabluakum Ayakum Asanu Hamala Allahi Khalakal Mauta Walhayata. Allah is the one who created death and life. Allah is the one who created death and life. So death is a creative force. Death is generative, death and mortality. Allah has created by design and it hovers over each one of us. And it is questioning us every day, every moment. This last minute psychology, this idea that this could be my last moment. And if I would were to answer to Allah, if if if it is true, and it is true that we are all responsible for our lives and for all our actions, if I would, if I will answer Him, if I will answer Allah on that Supreme Tribunal, would I be proud of the life that I lived? Or would I feel grateful for the last moment that I lived on earth? So death forces us, mortality forces us to ask this very important question about how to move in the world. Do I show up as my best self? Is this truly who I am? Is this my best self in this last moment? Am I acting with nobility, with grace, with honor, with dignity? Is this last act? If this would be my last act, or my last interaction, or my last word in this world, my last speech, would I be proud of it? Would I would I be happy leaving the world on such a grace on such a note? And so every time I think about death, it is a creative force. It resurrects me, regenerates me, it renews my understanding, my orientation in the world. And I had shared that before with sisters in in many gatherings that uh when I was in the office kitchen one day, and it was a long day, I was tired, I was exhausted, and my colleagues had already started the dishwasher, and I had my dirty cup in my hand. And there was a moment there I was inclined to give in to my lower inclinations, my nafs, my lower ego, my selfishness, and said to myself, I'm just going to leave my dirty cup in the sink and leave. Somebody will take care of it. And I knew that this was not an elegant choice. I knew it. I knew the red lights. I also, yeah, but it was a moment of indifference. I just didn't care. And I convinced myself that this is not a big deal. But then, Alhamdulillah, in that moment, I felt this intense loving presence of Allah. I knew He was with me, He was my most intimate, my Willie, my companion, my guardian, my friend. He's the all-seeing, the all-knowing. He knows the whispers of my hearts, he knows my thoughts. So his presence, his loving gaze, his holy presence penetrated my thoughts, permeated in that moment my whole thought process, and immediately I reawakened. I reconsidered the whole situation. This ordinary act of cleaning my cup or trying to decide if I just leave, act lazy, act selfish, act, act neglectful. It all changed, and death, remembering death, of course. I said to myself, if this would be my last act on earth, and I knew better because I lost my daughter within 10 minutes. That night on December 2nd, we were all three of us in the car driving to a friend who was only 13 minutes away. So I knew I had lost my daughter within 10 minutes. My whole life changed. And so, where was the guarantee that I'm going to see tomorrow? And it could be my last act. So in that moment, I said, I questioned myself. I said, this is not who I am. This is not how I want to move in the world. This is not the best of me. And I don't want to leave the world on such a disgraceful note. I don't want to meet my loving creator on such a disgraceful, undignified way. And of course, Allah is present with us during our lifetime. He's not absent, he is always with us. He's not sleeping, he is all aware, all-knowing. He is al-Khabir, He is Al-Basir, He is a Semiyah. He knows the whispers of our hearts before they reach our lips. So I said, this is not how I honor Allah, who is the source of goodness and beauty and wisdom. This is not who I am. And I want to align myself, I want to live a life. In that moment, that'd say, if that would have been my last act, I wanted the most beautiful, the most dignified, the most noble, the most honorable act. And then if I meet my Lord, I will be proud of myself because he will know I have done this for him alone. Out of love. It emanates out of love. That is what we call deep taqwa, deep, deep consciousness of Allah, mindfulness of his presence, awareness of his loving gaze, who cheers you on, who expects better, who calls you to be a source, be an agent of beauty, peace, wisdom, and goodness in the world, to do everything with ihsan, like the Prophet tells us, to do things in a beautiful way. For Allah, even though you don't see Him, He sees you. That's the ultimate goal of a Muslim, to show up with beauty and goodness and nobility and grace and honor and dignity in the world. And to do it out of love, not out of fear. And of course, remembering death helps because it reminds us that life is a precious trust, is a sacred trust, and that we will all be responding to Allah about how we use that precious commodity of time and life, these blessings. And so death is a creative force. Death makes us alive and allows us to show up with the best conduct. That's what it says here. That is the purpose of death. It's not about paralyzing a person, it's not about cultivating an unhealthy fear that prevents us from living our lives. It is about cultivating a healthy Death awareness that is life-preserving, that allows us to live a life that is guided by beauty, by aesthetics, by grace, by goodness, by wisdom, by nobility, by gracefulness. Like the Prophet. There is no public and private in his life. All what he does and says and thinks is in consistency, is consistent with what he affirms in the Quran. He is a person of principle and in secret and in open. In the profane and the ordinary and the sacred. There is no division. He acts out of that internal consistency and integrity. It's a stabilizer that helps us to move in the world and always in the presence of Allah. Not because we fear him or he is out there to punish. But this is who Allah is. Allah is the source of life and goodness and beauty and wisdom and honor. And how do we honor Allah? By trying to do the things that He loves, that He's pleased with. To think and feel and act in a way that is guided by virtue, virtue, excellence, moral and spiritual excellence. So for me, death is that creative force. It helped me to live a life that is more consistent with the Quranic revelation, with prophetic teachings that pushes me to do better. It encourages me, empowers me, empowers me to show up as my best self. And of course, we often might fail because we fall into forgetfulness, heedlessness, egotism, be you know, there are all these kind of realities within us. But if we cultivate deep taqwa, which can be done through the remembrance of death, always remembering what if I need to answer, or what if I will answer to Allah about this act or thought or conduct? And what if this is my last minute on earth? How would I do things differently? In secret and in public, because for a Muslim, there is for a believer, there is no division of private and public. Everything is public, there is no secluded area. That's why Allah tells us that the believers are the ones who remember Allah while sitting, standing, sleeping in all these emotions and different moments in our lives. So this brings me to the first spiritual exercise that helps us to sustain ourselves in times of hardship and darkness. That there needs to be an orientation, an orientation in life that the darkness exists, that death exists, that pain is part of human growth, that trials and hardships are part of the human journey and part of spiritual growth and emotional growth and maturity. So, first an acceptance to embrace the darkness, as you will. And this is a hard thing to do. We don't want to wrap our arms. Embrace means to wrap your arms around it. We are terrified by darkness. We are terrified by death. We are horrified by pain and suffering and injustice. And to be clear, Islam doesn't want us to endorse suffering and injustice and pain. Islam doesn't want us to ask for death and pain. So let's be clear that this would be contradictory to prophetic teaching and the Prophet. He reminds us that the believer should never ask for death, should never ask for any illness, should never ask for pain. At the same time, there is also an acceptance that this is indeed an element of human growth. A human being who has not experienced pain and suffering is not a wholesome, rounded human being. Pain and suffering and injustice are ways that make us more mature spiritually. Right? It creates, cultivates in us a sense of empathy, a sense of solidarity, a sense of compassion, a sense of humility, a sense of gratitude. So all these beautiful virtues are cultivated also in times of darknesses. That's why we need to first have this acceptance around the Quranic truth that Allah is the creator of death and life. Allah is the creator of the night and the day. Allah is the creator of the sunlight and the moonlight. This is very important for us to just this basic acceptance towards the fact that Allah is the one who creates the sun and the moon, the day and the night, the solar and the lunar. So trying to embrace what scholars have called a lunar spirituality as well as a solar spirituality. Life doesn't simply grow and flourish in sunshine. Life doesn't just take place in sunshine, in the solar, in the happy and the rosy and the bright moments of our lives. We do celebrate birth, acknowledge birthdays, weddings, graduations, retirements. All these wonderful occasions that are blessings in itself. Yes, they need to be acknowledged. That's the solar, that's the beautiful, bright, and the sunshine and the rosy and the happy. But then we also need the night. Allah is the creator of the night. And as terrifying as the darkness is, the night, the 2 a.m. time when I'm in my bed with my thoughts, with my ideas. That's that I'm hyper aware of the sounds and the moves, and uh but that's a time where in those darknesses where I also grow. Right? It's a different type of growth, and we know that just as a biological fact, we need the night. We need the night, we need the darkness to grow. Our bodies need to rest during the night. Our bodies renew our cells, our uh uh our blood, everything grows and renews itself, and Allah resurrects and rejuvenates the body in different ways. So the night, the night is also a time of growth. It's not always very visible to us, but it's a slow, steady, persistent growth. Even in the seasons of the winter and the dark, cold winter nights. We've we've experienced uh the Arctic cold this year in many places around the world, but then we see all these flowers coming back, everything is blooming, so they were still growing under the earth in that cold, harsh soil. So that is that is the witness of the creation, these magnificent extraordinary signs of Allah that shows us, yes, darkness and the cold and the night can be scary. We are afraid, and fear is acknowledged in the Quran as a human emotion, but it is also something that is necessary for growth, spiritual growth. It cannot be dismissed, neglected, abandoned, or we cannot be in denial. But sadly, many of us have adopted this cultural script that we can only be successful and that we are only productive human beings and good human beings when we are fulfilling the sunshine checklist. When we are healthy and happy, when we have our children, when we are successful in our careers, we have a house, we have income, we have promotions, and again, those are very, very beautiful blessings and privileges. But then things happen in life that are not on the checklist, that you haven't asked for: the fatal cancer diagnosis, a terminal illness, chronic suffering, death, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a marriage, divorce, separation, the loss of health, loss of wealth. And this is where we come back to the Quran and Allah tells us, indeed, we will test you with a little bit of fear, with loss of wealth, loss of health, loss of children. That is Allah's divine promise to all of us. That we will go through periods of our lives that will feel dark. And while we are afraid, at the same time we know, as the Quran promises us, and give glad tidings to the ones who persist, persevere, who are patient, and who say in those moments of darkness, in those moments of painful loss, we belong to Allah. We belong to Allah indeed, we all belong to Allah, and to Him is our return. I found this so comforting that even in the lunar, in the lunar spirituality, in those dark moments where you experience pain, suffering, injustice, evil, hurt, disappointment, loss, death, tragedy that Allah still belongs to you, that you belong to Him. He didn't abandon you, that He didn't abandon me, He didn't neglect me, He didn't dismiss me. He never set this up as a checklist for a successful servant. Success is defined differently in the Quran. Allah couldn't care less about my degrees, my career, my the number of my children. That is not my primary way of connecting to Allah. It's not dependent on these outer elements. It's not, it's it doesn't define who I am, those things. That's not the core of my relationship with Allah. And why we tell why we typically say this statement, this Quranic uh formula after we hear someone died, it's actually in all those moments where we have to remember we belong to Allah. Alhamdulillah, what a what a great, what a hopeful message, what a hopeful cure, what a what a what a medicine that is to the heart. That Allah doesn't judge me according to my physical abilities, the number of my children, or my health, or my career, or my money, or my house. That's not what Allah is looking for, and I'm still I still belong to him. And he will never he will never cut off ties with me. But sadly, it is us who give a value judgment on these things when somebody doesn't have children or when somebody goes through divorce and separation or when somebody lost their job, or even us, we label ourselves as unsuccessful, as unproductive, we feel like a failure, we feel as if we have done something wrong, we feel guilty, we feel ashamed, we feel angry. But like the Quran says, all good is from Allah, all evil is from your meaning, that we assign a negative judgment on these things. We we place a negative value on these things when we go through certain losses. Whereas Allah says, it's from me, I will test you. Certainly I will test each of you. So we should not pretend that the trials and the hardships are growing through darkness and light is only reserved for a certain few. No, Allah doesn't fool us, Allah is very direct, telling us in the Quran, and we affirm it, but it's in in theory until it hits us, and then we realize why did this happen to me? Well, why shouldn't it happen to you? Because this is the contract of life, this is how life and human growth is initiated. This is what generates maturity, emotional, spiritual maturity, and wisdom and depth. So the question of why did this happen to me is not a Quranic one. And it's not a question the Prophet asked. He internalized these Quranic truths and affirmed them in his life. He never questioned Allah's decree. Why? There is no questioning, there is no doubt, there is no uncertainty, there is complete contentment and trust in Allah's wisdom and decree. He is the author, he revealed what life is about, how the journey will unfold. It is only me who has been dismissive or was in denial that or aimed to settle fully in this world and try to build stability in a world that is not meant to be stable, it's not designed to be offering stability to me. I'm literally floating on a ship called Earth. It's a spaceship that floats in the universe. There is no stability, it's an illusion. The only stability that that exists is Allah. And so we are chasing stability in a world in a in a dimension that cannot grant us stability. The world is not designed to give us stability, the world is not designed by Allah's will to give us security, to give us certainty. But that is something that terrifies us, that we have a little control about how things unfold. We say, my body, but we have no clue our kidneys exist or cannot locate our kidneys, even in our bodies. We have no clue how our digestive system functions. We are we are even on our own bodies, about our own bodies, ignorant. And we cannot we don't have absolute control. And that is something that is terrifying. But if we listen, if we follow the Quran and heed the Quranic guidance, we realize that Allah is the one where I direct my fear, and we see that with the Prophet. Fear is acknowledged as a human emotion, it's not something to be dismissed. But in love and in fear, he draws to Allah. He he to Allah we draw near and love and fear. When I feel anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, distressed, I turn to Allah. I I who affirms my fear, and that's where I find the stability, the security, the certainty. I know that whatever, however life unfolds in the lows and the highs, that He is walking with me on this path, that He guides me through this path. He is Al-Hadi, the guide, he is a nur, the light. And Allah tells us in one of my favorite verses in the Quran, Estawiz of Allah in Suratun Noor, Allah, Yukruju Hummina Lolumati ilan nur. Allah is the wali, the most intimate, the companion, the best friend of those who believe He guides them through the darknesses into the light. Darknesses can be many. We each have our own darknesses, terrifying as they are, but they are also giving us an appreciation of Allah's light. And as we are walking through the darkness, we become more self-aware, we grow in our self-consciousness, we grow in our spirituality, we can grow in our relationship with Allah. And so the darknesses are a reality of life, they are a channel or means to appreciate the light. Quranic affirmation, daily, it's the oxygen, the water through which we can breathe and sustain ourselves because it gives us a sacred outlook, a framework, how to understand life. If we don't know the nature of this life, if we don't know how to approach life from a Quranic perspective, it's going to be much harder to make sense and find meaning and purpose on this path, on this universal journey that we call life. And this is what I have done through all these years, and more so after my daughter died, daily, every morning. I start my day with one to three pages of Quran reading and understanding. And so we can all find ways to incorporate that into our daily routine, whether in our commutes, uh you know, driving to work, or even when we are doing chores in the house, washing the dishes, we can listen to the Quran, we can listen to lectures, uh lessons that gives us a better understanding. And there, alhamdulillah, we have so many resources. The Quran is our main guide. Guidance for those who are mindful of Allah and who want to gain a deeper understanding. How to navigate life, how how do I orient myself around death and illness and tragedies, and how do I understand wars and disasters? And then Allah can create, resurrect, and regenerate and revive the human soul, even in moments of darkness. So that's that's very important. Daily Quranic affirmation to affirm life from a Quranic perspective, to approach and live our lives in a Quranic, in alignment with the Quran, in harmony with the Quran. Quran and so finding ways to include that in our daily schedules. I'm always heartbroken when people tell me I don't have time for the Quran. These are this is Allah's love letter. This is Allah's guidance to us, this is Allah's words. What more important thing to do than to engage with Allah's speech? Kalamullah. And be curious to cultivate holy curiosity to say who what did he say? What is Allah saying? The creator of the world, the creator of this universe. What matters to him? What should matter to me? And how how how is that maybe shedding light on the priorities in my life? And do I need to change course? And so I'm just going to read a little bit from here. Verses like this in the all-wise Quran, the criterion of truth and falsehood, right? The Quran is Al-Furqan. The criterion of truth and falsehood. That's why it means that the Quran shows us it's a discernment of what is the right and what is the wrong way. That we discerning and making choices that are in conformity, in harmony with the Quran, that we that we define success or live our lives according to Al-Furqan. That the Quran makes it understood that death is created like life. So we first need to have an orientation and acceptance that death is part of life, that we should not live in denial of that. And to affirm that every page in the Quran talks about death, talks about the transitory nature of this life, that everything is fleeting, that life is a very fast-paced, and that time is a sacred blessing and commodity, and that we are called to use it wisely. And that death reminds us how we invest our energies, how we, what kind of relationships do we cultivate? Toxic or helpful relationships, who if friends who remind us of the ultimate destination in the in the afterlife in the Akhira, friends and companions on the road, on the journey who remind us of our final end, our meeting with our Lord, and that we will need to answer, that we will be judged about everything that we have been given, blessed with. So the Quran reminds us that death is part of life and that we have to find ways to include this reality in our lives, that we don't wait for death to knock on our door and then wake up, but that we try to create a preventive spiritual infrastructure in our families that acknowledges that death exists and that we need to engage with it. We cannot run away from it, escape from it, or hide or be in denial. So first and foremost, finding ways to engage with the top, engage with that reality. It could be attending local funeral services in the mosque. I mean, we do that often here, alhamdulillah. The newsletter from the local mosque, the community newsletter reaches us, and then we are all, which is of course a prophetic practice, we all have an obligation, a fart kifaya. It's a collective obligation. It is encouraged, highly encouraged, to attend those Janaza prayers, to attend funeral services. It doesn't matter if you know the person or not. We are all related, we are one human family, we all experience sadness, sorrow, loss, and it really helps when we show up in those moments, support each other as a community. So going and attending these Janazah services, which are alhamdulillah, those are public, they are open to everyone. The Prophet encourages us to remember death often. And so even guiding our children and gently introducing them to the reality of death is so important. As parents, we need to model that, we need to embody that. And it's so that they are already introduced and understand that death is part of life, and there are young people dying, there are old people dying, rich, poor. Death is an equalizer. Death is not only reserved for the seniors, it's for everyone, and that we all, it's an occasion then for us, an invitation to pause, to slow down and recenter ourselves and acknowledge once again that Allah is the creator of the dark and the light, of death and life. But then when we are in those sacred spaces and share in those sacred moments of grief and sadness and sorrow, which again are prophetic practices, we are like said, like it said here, we are revived. We become aware. We we we take we take a break and think, uh, where am I headed? Where did I come from? Where am I going? What am I doing with my life? Do I spend it in a way that is pleasing to God? So again, an orientation towards lunar spirituality. The Prophet is the moon in the dark, right? We everything in our calendars revolves around the lunar calendar, the lunar, the moon. Meaning that the lunar, the moon teaches us adaptability, flexibility, patience, and the understanding that there is still light in the darkness to be found. With Allah's grace and guidance is Rahma and compassion, we are able to still grow and and not to be afraid in that that paralyzes us, but we are brave and courageous and look death into the face and ask, what is it? What questions do I need to ask? So, number one, spiritual exercise, and I've made this a priority in my own life: to attend Janazah services, to attend funeral prayers, to sit with those who are grieving, to sit and visit those who are sick, who are ill, who are vulnerable, who are in need, who go to emotional distress. So Prophet encourages us to do that. That's the Quranic affirmation and putting into practice what the Quran says, that indeed Allah is the one who will test all of us with these trials. And so we are called to affirm that daily, to engage with the Quran daily, but not just from a textual perspective, but also in practice. Did I say death, death needs to be engaged, like the Quran on every page? So how can I do that? I can maybe visit the cemetery and walk around the cemetery, the graveyards, with my children, my family, my loved ones, and reflect. How many people have died? Younger than me, older than me, rich, poor, the names. It's a very powerful reviving moment again. It really, every time I go visit the graveyard, just reading the gravestones. It's so spiritually illuminating, and it's a wake-up call. It's it truly makes you reflect on your end. Tomorrow that's me under the soil. And where are all the people? Where are all the people that I was chasing? Their attention, their praise, their love, their validation, where are they? None of them will show up at my grave. Oh, they they'll come for an hour max and then they will leave. Are those the ones we really want to change? Are they worth wanting? They're very fleeting, unstable, attention and love and admiration. Those are the questions that I ask myself every time. I'll be there alone in my grave. And all the people who praised me, who applauded me, who loved me, they will stay for 30 minutes and then they'll go about to do their business. Go after their schedules, their busy lives. Every time I am present and and uh visit the the grave of my daughter, that realization comes back. I'm in tears and I realize how death makes me alive again. Gives me sincerity, cultivate sincerity, akhlas, presence, spiritual ambition, not for the dunya, not worldly ambition, but spiritual ambition. Ya Allah, I want you, you'll be the only one, your light is the only one that will truly be present with me in my darkest moments. So that's a profound insight when we are engaging death. Again, it's not debilitating, it's actually fosters in me a greater desire to perform better in my life and not to chase, not to beg, not to run for worldly attention or praise or trophies and short-lived moments of success, but to aim higher to for noble goals, for for for for for holy goals, and to really truly please my Lord, please Allah in every affair. So as I said, every time I visit my daughter's graveyard, I tell myself, here she is, the most beloved person, the most precious person to me, the purest, most loving, the hundred percent angelic person, and yet nobody is around her. I'm her mother, the one who would have given her life for her, but still I am the one who only stays there for an hour and then comes back. And I feel so so ashamed, so profoundly moved by this realization that even for this child who is the most angelic being on this earth, there's nobody there, nobody cares. And don't get me wrong, this is not something to be pessimistic. It just shows who is the one who will be present with us, who is the light in that darkness, in that grave, who will be with us, Allah. So He is worth chasing for, He is worth living for, He is worth wanting. Everything else is transitory and fleeting. It's a waste of energy, and and truly that helped me to enter relationships and a task and my life with a greater sense of purpose, with greater sincerity. What is my ultimate goal and aim? And so Quranic affirmation, this first exercise of Quranic affirmation daily really brings me back out of heedlessness and raflah and forgetfulness, and then trying to incorporate these Quranic truths into practices, spiritual practices as attending services, funeral services, prayers, going to the graveyard regularly, reading the creation and how death and life are one whole and has been so yeah, has renewed my sense and and give uh and gave me a greater appreciation of life. So death in Islam is not something that needs to be shunned, it's a remembrance that needs to be incorporated, and sadly we live in a society that has completely outsourced all of that, uh completely in denial of death. And we have we are chasing this fantasy of eternal youth, eternal everlasting beauty, eternal success in this world. But that's a very yeah, it's it's it's a failed ambition, it's a failed goal. Those are means to get to the higher goal, those are blessings, vessels to reach higher spiritual goals, but they are not goals in itself, right? Our careers, our health, our youth, our energy, our relationships, our languages, our resources, those those are incredible blessings, but there are channels, means to get to the higher goal, to please Allah. They are not the goal in itself, and they shouldn't be, as the Quran reminds us. There can be a distraction, actually. Distraction. The Quran talks about how wealth and families can be a distraction, and people will say, Oh, I'm not coming to this spiritual gathering because family, because job, because this. It can be distracting from top priorities. And how to put them in all of these goals. So just practicing, trying to really incorporate, make a commitment and an effort, a healthy routine, a structure where we have the Quran in our daily lives is essential. And for me, of course, Rasali Nur as the direct gateway to the Quran, as a commentary, as a deep spiritual commentary has been transformative, has brought me closer to the Quran, a better understanding, strengthened my relationship with Allah. So that's what I do every morning, reading three pages of Quran, then I read the Risaleen or four pages at least, and really making an effort to build that spiritual muscle. So the the goal in Islam is to create is preventive, right? How do we do prevention so that when things happen, that we are not completely shattered and destroyed? So to build a spiritual muscle before and is a preventive measure, right? So to keeping your core strong, the core spiritual muscle. And when we do that daily, that kind of exercise that helps us through the tough times because we we will be sad, we will we will experience uh grief and and sorrow, but it's not going to completely destroy us. It it will not affect us in such. So these are preventive measures, and we can start incorporating those before the dark comes over us. So preparation in the sunshine, trying to also acknowledge that the dark is part of life, that darkness is part of life, death and night is part of life. And one of my favorite verses that I've shared before is that Allah is the one who makes you cry, and Allah is the one who makes you smile. So that Allah is present in all of these experiences. Allah is the one who causes, is the real causa who allows these events to occur for great wisdom and great beauty that we will not always fully understand, completely understand in this world. But on the face of it, death is dissolution, non-existence, decay, the extinction of life, the annihilator of pleasures. So how can it be created in a bounty? Right? That is the the common understanding that death is something to be afraid of, that it's destruction, it's chaos, it's devastation. It destroys our pleasures. We don't want to talk about death. It's not something that families want to talk about. Even among Muslims, I hear that there is a refusal in their families, even if those of us who want to initiate conversation, that there is resistance, I don't want to talk about death. Whereas the Quran constantly talks about it and as a creative force. And so we need to courageously address mortality. What is it? Why are we, and and that the religion is a way to manage that terror, like to face it with bravery and courage and make sense of it, why Allah did create death. But that out of death He can also create life. SubhanAllah, how death, again, as I explained until now, death is a powerful way to create new things. It's like keeps you alive and creates new relationships, directs you in in different ways, gives depth to your life. Those are powerful ways to create. Her personality is bigger. It's not a worldly life, it's a world, it's a life of the afterlife. And I'm part of that. Her spiritual life, her spiritual legacy, how she guides me still in my own worldly and spiritual endeavors. How she became a spiritual guide, right? As Allah's greatness to guide you through a little girl. And he can do that. Allah loves to use these seemingly marginal, little vulnerable beings to create greatness, to show greatness, his greatness. Allah talks about the ant, talks about the bee, and then he shows the magnificent nature of his work through these powerful but little creatures, sacred creatures. So in my own life, the death of my daughter was an entrance into understanding the berzach, the immediate, the intermediate realm. She's a spiritual guide who helps me understand the reality of death and the afterlife, the berzah, the meaning of life, and I'm just in awe how Allah guides me through her. And that is her mission, and that is her sadakajah, and that is how she is elevated. And through her own guidance, how that initiated change in other people's lives. It's also very moving to see that. Many people have approached me how still her death was transformative to them, how they reconnected with Allah in unique ways. So the answer that the Stat Bidi Zaman provides is, as was stated at the end of the answer to the first question, death is a discharge from the duties of life. Alhamdulillah. Life is beautiful. Life is awesome, but it's also very burdensome. It has you have so many responsibilities and roles to fulfill. And all of them are truly a blessing, but they also come with exhaustion, with with yeah, with with responsibilities. And life is a sacred duty. For rest, but there's no rest in this life. There's always a new chapter, a new change. So there are moments of rest, but it's not 100%. So death is a discharge from the duties of life. It is a rest, a change of residence, a transformation of existence. Even now we can see that. When we go to sleep, the Prophet says sleep is a little sibling of death. That we have a moment to rest and recharge and rejuvenate. And so death is similarly a time of rest, a change of residence, location, a transformation of existence. Death is the gateway to a life, eternal life. It is an invitation to eternal life, a beginning, the introduction to an immortal life. Alhamdulillah. Still the best is in front of us. The best is yet to come. The best is yet to happen. Immortality. For eternity, no pain, no separation, no heartache, no disappointment, no fear, no sadness, no grief, no jealousy, no envy, no competition. Reunited with your loved ones forever. No boredom. People wonder if they will be bored. You'll be not, you will not be bored. There's no boredom in immortality, in in that eternal realm. To be surrounded by the best of humanity, the prophets, the saints, the pious, the scholars, the best. Being in their company of light and wisdom and goodness and beauty. Who doesn't want to aim for that? Who doesn't have spiritual ambition for that? Who doesn't want to invest their short lives in that? And with our moral imagination, our spiritual imagination, we can imagine that. It's beautiful, peaceful to the heart. The moments that I missed in this world, the moments where I was not able to be present, the moments that I didn't see, the childhood of my parents, great-grandparents, the times before us, the great heroes before us, all of that that I'm yearning to see, to witness. I'm looking so forward to that. We should all do. And we should all be curious, and and those who might doubt that. What if it's true? What if it's true that this eternal realm is does exist and for thousands of years, the majority of humanity is in agreement that this eternal reality exists. Why wouldn't we invest ourselves into knowing more about that? Learning more about the afterlife. Which again, there's so many, so much, there's so much evidence that this is true. Revelation, the creation, like everything in the cosmos is infused with purpose and wisdom. Consciousness does continue after earthy life. Science is getting more and more input on that. So just as life comes into the world through an act of creation and is appointed and determined, so departure from the world is created and determined. Alhamdulillah. That is something for those of us, many of us who again, this idea that we do not have control over death. We have little control, we don't have control. Yes, we are charged to be responsible, to make good choices, but at the end, the ultimate agent, the final agent is Allah who decides about death and life. It's Him, He has the final say. He can keep someone alive in the most devastating circumstances, and we are witnessing those miracles all the time. We say, Well, according to the causes, he should have been dead, according to the laws of causality. But so many times Allah disrupts his own law of causality. Allah is the one who governs the universe, guides and governs the universe. He's all powerful. And everything happens according to his will. And it gives me huge, such peace and comfort and serenity that I know he is the one, the most compassionate, the all-knowing, the all-wise one is in charge of life and death. It's not in my control, it's not in my hand. He is the one who decides when somebody departs from the world. And if he decides so, it's absolutely beautiful, it's absolutely it happens out of wisdom. It's not because out of cruelty, hasha. Or punish someone, no. It's because it happens out of his own ho if out of his wisdom, and that's why we see complete acceptance in the life of the Prophet, complete trust, complete certainty in Allah's decree. If Allah decides, if He takes someone who belongs to Him, it's right, it's it's right and it's wise and it helps us to be in a place of acceptance and embrace. Knowing that Allah took invited the person to return to his eternal home. Gives us acceptance. But it can also terrify us the idea that I don't have control. We're trying to decide if I should have done this and that, and which the Prophet tells us is from Shaitan. Those are the evil whispers from Shaitan to assign guilt to us and and make us feel guilty and make us feel as a failure and and assign self-blame, right? That we blame ourselves for someone's death or illness or or think that it was in our power to change things. Alhamdulillah, the acceptance that Allah is the ultimate agent for me and for many infuses me with peace. Keeps me going. I do not own my loved one. They belong to Allah as I do. And whatever He decrees, I'm not afraid of death, I'm not paralyzed, I'm not devastated by death. It is part of Allah's creative design, happening out of wisdom, happening out of his knowledge. So departure from the world is created and determined and is planned wisely and purposefully. The ways plants die, plant life being the simplest level of life, show their death to be a more orderly work of art than life. For although the death of fruits, seeds, and grains appears to occur through decaying dissolution, it is in fact a sort of kneading that comprises exceedingly well-ordered chemical reactions and a balanced combining of elements and wise formation of particles. Their unseen, orderly, and wise death appear through the life of the new shoots. That is to say, the death of the seed is the onset of the shoots' life. Indeed, since its death is like life itself, it is created and regular, the same as life is Panama. Here, Stat Bidusaman refers us to the evidence in the book of creation. You want evidence how Allah creates life through death? Well, let's look around us. Let's look how Allah resurrects earth. The seed dies, but the death is an entrance to a higher life. The vegetables and fruits and the blessings that I consume and digest in my stomach, their death in my stomach, through this very complicated, intricate digestive process, is an entrance into a higher life, the human life. So we always see that death is an entrance into a higher way of being. If that's the law in the universe, even with plants and animals and our own way of living, then how can we claim that human life, when it ends and enters into the soil, that it's going to decay, that human life ends, which again is the highest level of life, the most intellectual, the most emotional, the most physically complicated being, the human being, goes, enters the earth, and then everything ends. That's it, that's the end of the story. It is just something that we do not accept, that we cannot accept. And it's also something that the creation doesn't testify to.