123. Turning Pro

At some point in every actor's career, the decision to Turn Pro becomes a crossroads we are faced to make a choice toward elevating our career. Somewhere in every performer's experience, there comes a moment of realization that where you are is no longer acceptable. Because if your vision is grand and you desire to level up you know changes have to be made. And those changes require and change.

Tiwana shares a pivotal time in her career when she released  amateur habits to utilize the principles from prolific writer Steven Pressfield's book TURNING PRO.

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Transcript

Hello, Welcome to Acting Lessons Learned. I'm Tiwana Floyd. 

The first time I heard the term "Turning Pro" was after reading Steven Pressfield's book The War of Art. Not to be confused with Sun Tzu's Art of War, which is also a prolific book about strategy. But, The War of Art delves into the ideals of the resistance artists' experience that keep us from excelling in our endeavors. Fear, self-doubt, procrastination, perfectionism, all the forms of self-sabotage that stop us from doing our work and making our dreams come true. Of course, resistance applies to people in all fields and occupations. But Steven speaks very directly to creatives. 

I was in an ongoing actor's mastermind group for ten years and several of my peers in the group would mention this book at various periods over the years. When I hear about something repeatedly being described as helpful, I like to find out for myself, what all the hype is about. 

I researched Steven Pressfield and was surprised to learn he had a canon of self-help books geared toward creatives, six books in total. He had also written a few novels. Most notable to me was the "Legend of Bagger Vance," the source material for the film of the same title that was directed by Robert Redford and starring Will Smith. Steven also wrote the screenplay for the crime drama "Above The Law" starring another Steven. Steven Segal. 

Discovering Steven Pressfield worked successfully as a fiction, nonfiction, self-help writer, novelist, and screenwriter in Hollywood and in advertising let me know he may have some golden nuggets of insights to impart from his experiences of working as a creative on such a grand scale. And speaking from personal experience, writing is an art that requires unwavering discipline to keep going because it's done in a vacuum, and easy for the writer to continuously doubt oneself or stop going the distance, never making it to the finish line and, for many, never making it to the starting line.

I found The War of Art valuable in helping me to recognize the cognitive beliefs I held that kept me stuck from growing my acting career and finding ways to return to a few of the ground zeros in my life when the fear-based ideas that were not my own were implanted in my consciousness. I could even unearth some of those ideals and discredit their validity. 

For instance, limiting beliefs like only Blond haired and Blue eyed people have success in Hollywood. Or, there is only so far I'd go starting my acting career so late at 35. Or extremely frivolous ideas of I need to go back to school and get an English degree like Ed Norton to be good at creating characters. Crazy stuff. To reprogram my mind, I sought out examples of highly successful actors doing what I wanted to. Someone who is a blueprint for me, not that I want to be her, but I respect the journey from Hip-Hop to Musical feature film to Producer, to jazz album to talk show host, and the list continues is Queen Latifah. From where I stand, she sees no boundaries. And that is admirable to me. 

As I began to have breakthroughs that helped me to increase opportunities, I wanted to stay on this course of study with Steven as a master teacher in my head in continuing to overcome limiting beliefs. Naturally, I advanced to his follow-up book Turning Pro, Tap Your Inner Power, and Create Your Life's Work, which at the core deals with Amateurs who have amateur habits vs. Pros who have pro habits.

The book is straightforward, and I'd be here all day if I tried to share every aspect of its contents. But the element I latched onto the quickest is, and I quote, "The difference between an amateur and a professional is in their habits. An amateur has amateur habits. A professional has professional habits." Yikes. That statement caused me to consider the areas where I have amateur and professional habits.

An example that comes to mind:

I am not a trained singer. I am an actor who happens to sing well. I sing in a renowned choir here in Los Angeles. Once, we were invited to sing as a choir for the semi-finals of the hit television show "The Voice," during the rehearsal, I was handed sheet music that I don't read. 

I listened intently to the first sopranos singing in my section. As someone trying to pose as a singer in front of this professional vocal coach, my ear picked up every note, inflection, and pitch. But I couldn't trust my memory to remember all the parts when it came to the live show when we had to belt out the chorus of all things Queen's "Somebody to Love." So, during our downtime, before showtime, I listened to my recording with my headphones repeatedly, drilling my parts until I felt confident I had it. 

One of my choir sisters, who is a phenomenal, trained, international singer, jokingly mocked me in front of everyone by questioning why I was still rehearsing it. Feeling attacked, and without missing a beat, I said I am not a trained singer, so I have to work harder to prepare so that I'm 100% when the lights go up. 

And because of that diligence, I Was ready and could sing with joy and conviction. I was one of the few in the choir to be seen singing Gleefully. pun intended. And my choir sister later admitted that she forgot a part and had to sing silently because of her uncertainty.

In that moment, I was exhibiting Pro habits. I didn't know I was because fear of messing up was running my choice to drill the parts. 

I know that when I behave arrogantly like my phenomenal, trained international singing choir sister and think I don't have to work hard that is when I'm operating like an amateur. Not to be confused with confidence. My amateur habits have me phoning it in when I flub the audition or whatever the circumstances may be. And then I'm pissed with myself. Nah, let me keep it real. First, I displace the blame on the people who didn't hire me for all sorts of reasons. Because it's easier and it feels better. And then, I get real with myself and take accountability for behaving like an amateur.

Full transparency, for a long time, for thirteen years, I held a lingering insecurity that because I didn't attend an Ivy League school or graduate university with a BFA, that I didn't measure up to acting standards. i.e., Broadway or Hollywood's ideals of what talent is. There is so much emphasis put upon these Universities as producing THE BEST talent. And anything outside of that doesn't measure up. So much so that the mere mention of one of these universities on an actor's resume asserts the actor MUST BE talented if they were accepted to or graduated from said university. 

It would take me years to learn that not all who attended or graduated from those schools are, in fact, great actors. It also took years for me to learn that there are many, if not more profound, actors who, like me, came up bouncing around from one great teacher to another. Or, as one of my acting teachers who works very often stated, "I learned acting from the streets." Because she lived life and was honest in divulging, she couldn't teach us idealistic acting teacher techniques, but she could teach us what's worked for her. The bottom line is truth. 

Now, this is not a battle of acting ability, the Ivy League vs. the Streets, because what works for you is all that matters. Although I'd be willing to wager, there are probably more successful great actors who came up in the streets than those from Ivy League or BFA. And please don't ask me to prove it cuz I wouldn't know how, and I ain't got the time.

But my insecurity about learning to act from the Streets meant I always felt, I guess, imposter syndrome. And how that showed up in me was self-doubt. But here's a conundrum. I always felt that I was a solid actor. If you've listened to ep 101, Trauma Teacher, you know for safety reasons, I had to be good at acting to survive two years with an abusive acting teacher. Just so she wouldn't come for me. But my self-doubt caused me to study harder. It's like someone with a learning disability. It is doesn't-mean. They're bad at learning, they just have to work a little harder, and because of that, you're unaware they have an impediment

My decision to move to Los Angeles was twofold, one, I wanted to work in TV, and two, I thought it would be easier than trying to compete with Broadway actors in NYC. And that notion couldn't be further from the truth because, contrary to popular belief, the best of the best actors move to Los Angeles. And it would be a good while before I learned that I was part of the Best. 

The funny thing about imposter syndrome, it caused me to be hyper-vigilant and to always over-prepare so that I could measure up. It also forced me to pretend to fit in so that no one notices that I'm, to put it lightly, the fraud I thought myself to be. 

According to Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro navigates the passage from amateur life to professional practice. Anyone experiencing imposter syndrome is, more often than not, operating in a professional manner because the last thing they want to be known for is an amateur. 

But pro habits vs. amateur habits aren't always deliberate. And there have been times when I didn't know I was practicing amateur habits until I may have either witnessed another actor's habits during the run of a play or one of my friends shared their experiences. 

I've shared this story before, but it bears repeating. In the late 90s and early 2000s, I would work background in NY. To this day, I don't know how I found those jobs or how people found me. But I'd end up on film sets doing background work. One day, I met a young woman my age. We could pass for sisters. Nicole Brown, who, in holding, would hand write postcards to all of the background casting offices in NY. She'd have a stack of b&w postcards and stamps, sitting quietly writing them out. That's how she would pass the time. And she worked often. She was the first person to say that she was a professional background actor. I've always respected her professional habits and still do. I'd always joke with her and suggest she should either be an agent or a Union rep because she knew all the SAG-AFTRA rules and by-laws and had no qualms about advocating for herself and other actors. 

She was living out that saying whatever you do, do it well. If you're a janitor, be the best janitor. And because of her, I learned to be a professional background actor, and later as I transitioned to a principal actor, I incorporated sending postcards to casting directors and agents. I still do. Because in any business, we must remind buyers that we exist and that they should utilize our services.

Steven Pressfield states, "You don't need to take a course or buy a product. All you have to do is change your mind." TURNING PRO IS FREE, BUT IT'S NOT EASY

But what if you don't know how to change your mind? Now, I know from personal experience actors feel that we HAVE to buy a product or take a course to turn pro, And we spend money to do so, sometimes money we don't have. 

One day, back in 2016, I found the perfect class. Or rather one of my good friends shared a program with me just as I was looking for a level-up teacher. I applied for UCLA's Professional Acting For The Camera Program. Nothing spoke Turning Pro like a one-year intensive program at UCLA with Professional in the title. And I titled my statement of purpose Turning Pro because I truly believed This is It! This is how I can get an esteemed university on my resume. Even if it were not a four-year BFA. I had been training for thirteen years, so this would serve as my MFA at a fraction of the cost. I was ready to Turn Pro, and UCLA would get me there. LoL.

It won't go too in-depth about the program because I don't want to do a commercial for them. You can look it up. I will say this the training was exceptional. But the most insightful component was the industry guests that came in to speak. From them, I learned what changing one's mind meant. Because hearing how these working producers, showrunners, directors, and actors overcome circumstances, it was always rooted in releasing an old habit or idea to conceive or accept a new one. Turning Pro required me to think bigger, with a deeper level of dedication, accountability, drive, and strategy.

So, I'll share one example of a change of mind that caused me to Turn Pro, and I should disclose that Turning Pro is not a one-time event. It's perpetual and inescapable. For every new growth tier, turning Pro requires a change of mind and a shift from amateur habits to pro habits.

At the onset of the 2007 writer's strike, I didn't know what to expect; there were rumors that Hollywood would shut down. No scripts meant no productions, which meant no work for anyone in the industry, with the exception of non-union work. So, before the strike was announced I got two part-time jobs. When the strike went into effect nothing prepared me for how quickly things ceased. I added two more part-time jobs because it got hectic for everyone working in the business. When the producers and the writers reached an agreement in early 2008, traction for me was almost non-existent. So, out of fear, I kept my four jobs. 

One of those jobs was at a mid-level apparel store where we'd do an overnight floor move two nights a month. A team of four people, myself included reconfigured the entire store adding new merchandise and finding space for the older merchandise. Which always required some ingenuity because the old merchandise was piecey and hard to make into a sellable story.

It was grunt work. It paid $10 an hour. There is nothing exciting about a floor move. And these types of retail stores are always understaffed, and this store was no exception. We'd work from 9p-4a, and I would be so exhausted it would take me a couple of days to recuperate. This impacted my auditions. I'd sleep during the day. and had to book out.

One day I'm at work. It's only 1am. We have 3 more hours to go, and I'm already hitting a wall. There were 15 boxes of clothes to unbox, fold, put on hangers, and steam. And then the old mech had to find a home.

I'm at the top rung of a metal ladder, cleaning a dusty top shelf. I can see the entire store from up high, and it looks like a demolition. There's shit everywhere, and it's making me more tired just knowing how much work needs to be done. I hear a voice that I call Spirit say, "Is this what you moved to LA to do? Do you think this is what I have for you?" I answer internally, no. "Then it's time to quit and recommit to your purpose. The money will come" 

I stepped down from the ladder and told the 19-year-old manager this was my last day. I didn't have the courage to just walk out right then and there. I felt bad for the overworked underpaid staff. Shortly thereafter, I decided to quit 2 more jobs, except for one that I actually enjoyed. 

Now, if it seems these jobs didn't connect to my acting, they did. They depleted my energy. I had become an amateur actor. I wasn't exhibiting professional habits. I had fallen into a rut and didn't know how to rebound after the writer's strike. I hadn't done this before. The worst part I was devaluing my worth by working for no money when I had skills that had once earned me six figures. It was the moment of realization when I decided my current situation was no longer acceptable. That my vision and my worth were grand, I had to believe in myself again. I got back on track, and I was good until 2018, when I had to turn pro all over again because I was up-leveling. 

At some point in every actor's career, the decision to Turn Pro becomes a crossroads; we are faced with making a choice. I am evidence that when you change your mind, believe in yourself, and incorporate professional habits, You get the result you want. But first, you've gotta work through Fear, self-doubt, procrastination, perfectionism, all the forms of self-sabotage that stop us from doing our work and making our dreams come true. And if you can't do it alone. Get help. Hire a coach. Become accountability partners with that friend you're terrified to ask because you know they will hold you to what you say you'd do. And guess what. When you Turn Pro life gets easier. 

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