The Permission You're Waiting For (Spoiler: It's Not Coming)

What are you waiting to give yourself permission to do?

Let me guess. You want to leave work on time. Say no to that extra committee. Cut down your FTE. Set an actual boundary with that colleague who dumps last-minute requests on you.

But you're waiting. Waiting for someone in authority to tell you it's okay. Waiting until you've "earned" enough loyalty points. Waiting until you feel expert enough, senior enough, liked enough.

Here's the hard truth: That permission isn't coming.

The Permission Trap That's Keeping You Stuck
We're brilliant at following rules and understanding hierarchy - it's how we survived medical school and residency. But when it comes to the rest of our lives, we're still constantly seeking permission, even without naming it.

You tell yourself:

• "I don't have enough seniority for that"
• "I haven't proven my worth to the group yet"
• "I don't have the social currency"
• "I'm not expert enough"

But here's what you're missing: The systems benefit from us not having boundaries. There's no world where leadership wakes up and says, "You know what? You've worked hard enough. Here are tickets to Hawaii, and we're canceling all your patients next week."

It's not happening. No amount of good deeds will earn you that outcome.

The Extra Layer for Women in Medicine
As women in medicine, we carry an additional burden. We've been socialized to:

• Feel grateful to be here "alongside the menfolk"
• Apologize frequently and not take up space
• Be team players at the expense of our wellbeing
• Work with inadequate support while being told we're "not being team players" if we object

We're expected to be self-sacrificing, work without boundaries, and do it all for less compensation than our male colleagues.

When your male colleague gets automatic chaperone support for procedures (giving them extra hands), while you're unglowing and regloving alone - that's not coincidence. That's systemic under-resourcing that you've been taught to accept.

What You're Really Afraid Of
Let's name what's underneath this permission-seeking:

Conflict. But conflict is already happening - you're just having it all internally through resentment and exhaustion.

Judgment. Being called "difficult" (raise your hand if you've been there). But you're already judging yourself more harshly than anyone else would.

Being wrong. Like when they tell you, "If you drop your FTE, we can't guarantee you'll ever be able to increase it." My friends, there's always enough work. This is gaslighting and fear-mongering.

Not being "nice." You're afraid of losing your title as the approachable one everyone goes to with questions. But you're worth more than just being nice.

How to Start Giving Yourself Permission
1. Name your needs. What do you actually need? Not what would be nice - what do you NEED? Quiet time, adequate sleep, connection, support, movement. Stop minimizing these as optional.

2. Don't pr