This Was Not The Break I Needed

This was not the break I needed.

That was the thought running on a loop years ago, when I finally took time off because I wasn't sleeping and couldn't keep going. A few days in, my three-year-old's preschool had a fire in the kitchen. Nobody was hurt. Preschool closed for ten business days, which was most of the rest I had taken that time to get.

And then came the part that cost me more than the fire ever did. The guilt about being disappointed at all. I should want more time with my kid. Other people don't get any time off. What is wrong with me.

That double hit is what we're taking apart today. A client described almost exactly the same thing to me recently, her own hard-won time off swallowed by a childcare gap, and all of it came flooding back. This happens to us constantly, and most of us have no process for it, so we white-knuckle through and then wonder why the feeling won't move.

So today you get the process. Four steps, in this order:

Name what you actually feel, badly if badly is all you've got, and then notice the second feeling sitting on top of the first one.

Bring in common humanity, which is the thing you already do effortlessly for everyone else in your life and almost never for yourself.

Allow it, which takes far less time than you'd think once you stop arguing with whether you're allowed.

And then, only then, the question my own coach taught me: how could it be possible?

Your time, your rest, and your fun are precious resources. It makes sense that you have feelings when they get taken. You are not a bad mother, a bad partner, or an ungrateful person for noticing the difference between what you needed and what you got.

Come listen, and then put this one in your back pocket for the next time.

My website has been completely redone and I'm proud of it. Come see it at www.healthierforgood.com. And I always love hearing from you, so write to me at megan@healthierforgood.com and tell me if this one landed.

Mentioned in this episode: the work of Kristin Neff, PhD, on self-compassion, and Brené Brown, PhD, on shame and shame resilience.

Connect with Megan:

Instagram: @MeganMeloMD
Website: healthierforgood.com
Email: megan@healthierforgood.com