The courage to be yourself

What does it really take to stop shrinking yourself and finally live as the person you were meant to be? In this episode of Leveling with Lem, we dive into the courage it takes to show up authentically…Even when fear, judgment, rejection, and other people’s expectations try to hold you back.

We’ll explore why so many people stay attached to old versions of themselves, how chasing approval can keep you stuck, and what it means to take full responsibility for your life. This episode will challenge you to get clear on your values, embrace discomfort, trust your growth, and start building a life that genuinely feels like your own.

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Transcript

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Welcome into Leveling with Love. Here we talk about health, wealth, relationships, and more. I want to help you level up in your life. And so without further ado, let's get into today's episode. All right, and what is going on, guys? Welcome back into another episode of Leveling with Lem. I'm your host, Lemmy Williams. And in today's topic, we're gonna be talking about the courage to be yourself. Let's break that into two pieces. What is courage? In my opinion, courage is the ability to acknowledge your fear and you still choose to act or endure anyway. On the second part, to be yourself. I put I kind of put this into a question. Um, why do we hesitate or shy away from being ourselves, right? What is it about other people's judgment that paralyzes you, what that paralyzes you not to be yourself? And while you think about that, I'm gonna give you a short story on how I found my courage. To be honest with you guys, I'm still learning what that is or what that looks like for me. There's different spaces, different people I can be myself in, but it's not in all areas of my life. And so when I talk to you about this topic, it's a work in progress for myself, but I'm gonna give you examples in the spaces that I do have courage in. Okay, and I'm going to encourage you to do the same, but it might look different, right? And so my short story is I have a friend. Her name's Stephanie, shout out to Steph, but she knows everything about me, literally everything. It's hilarious. We always tell each other except we we can't stop being friends because we know everything about each other. Um, we get along well. I come to her about a lot of different things in my life, and vice versa. We ask each other for advice. Um, but yeah, it's just having the space and having a friend where you can just let go, and there's no judgment, there's nothing, and either they can give you feedback or they can just be a space where you can talk or you can just lay. It is whatever it is, they're that space for you to be yourself, and sometimes that's all you need. But in the meantime, it can be hard to find a friend to even have that space. So here's where things start to get a little walky, right? We tend to think that we have to live up to other people's expectations, number one, when we truly don't have to do that at all. So if you meet people, the thing is people will push and pull for you to be a way that fits for them, fits for their needs and their expectations that they want to put on you, right? And then get mad that you're not acting according to their expectation or their standard that you need to quote unquote live up to. In my personal opinion, who cares, right? You weren't born to live a life to make other people happy. You were born to live a life to make you happy first and exploring and expressing yourself however that means for you. Leading me right into three reasons why we lose the courage to be ourselves, starting with number one the fear of rejection. People naturally want to belong, right? We all can raise our same, raise our hand and say, like you want to belong in something. If you see a group doing something cool, you do you see someone wearing something or a group rocking some type of style, in your head, you're thinking, I would like to look like that or be like that, whatever it may be, right? People naturally want to belong. But sometimes being yourself can mean disagreeing with friends, family, co-workers, or societal expectations. Again, the word expectations. These are external things that other people are putting on to you to quote unquote do or to be like. And so, what many people do is they would rather fit in than risk being criticized, judged, or excluded, right? And the sad part about it is people aren't afraid of failure, they're afraid of what people will think if they actually succeed as their true selves. Going on to number two, attachment to an old identity. Now, this one is this one can be tough because a lot of us think of versions of ourselves where we were really happy or we were doing really good, and we get so attached to that old version of ourselves that we can't we can't progress to who we actually want to be because we're so fixated on who we used to be. And that's something we have learned to let go. So, on to number two, the attachment to an old identity. People get comfortable with who they've always been, even if that identity no longer serves them. Raise your hand if this has happened or if you do this currently. We all do. The labels we've carried for years can feel safer than stepping into the unknown, right? You can't become a new version of yourself if you're constantly trying to protect the old version of yourself. Remember that. And lastly, number three, taking responsibility for your life. Okay, when you're living according to somebody else's expectations, it's easy to blame circumstances, other people, or your past. Being yourself means accepting that your choices create your future, and that level of responsibility can be uncomfortable for some people. Taking responsibility for your life can be really hard because everything that you do, you have to be accountable for. And not a lot of people are ready to take accountability on things that have gone wrong in their life. They only want to give accountability to themselves when things have gone right. And that's not a way of living because you're not being true to you. And so, check this out. Freedom sounds great until you realize it comes with a responsibility. The moment you choose your own path, you can no longer blame someone else for where it leads you. So, friend, sit with this for a second, okay? And be honest with yourself and see if this is where you are at right now. It doesn't have to be all three of these, but it can be one of them, right? But it's a ripple effect that one can lead into the next. So take some time to honestly think number one, do I have a fear of rejection? Number two, am I attached to an old identity? And number three, am I actually taking responsibility in my life or am I blaming others on everything that happened to me? Think about it for a second, okay? All of these things can be really hard to get, especially if you're trying to do it by yourself and you don't know who to go to, who to talk to, or even find resources on how to have more courage to be yourself, and that's why I'm here, okay? So the fun part is we're gonna talk about three ways you can have more courage to be yourself. You ready? Starting off with number one, get clear on your core values, okay? Many people don't know who they are because they spent years living by other people's expectations, right? You got parents, you got teachers, you got siblings, all these different people that have expectations on you, right? But here's what you gotta do you gotta take time to identify what truly matters to you. What are your values, your beliefs, and your goals now as an adult? Okay. So what do you do? Here's what I want you to do. I want you to write down your top five values in your life right now, and then ask yourself am I making decisions based off of what I want or what other people expect of me? Okay, and then after that, start making small choices that align with those values because when you know what you stand for, it's easier to stop falling for everybody else's definition of who you should be. Going into number two, I like number two, but it is hard to do. Check it out. Number two is practice being uncomfortable. Growth requires discomfort. Period. The more you practice speaking up, setting boundaries, and doing things that feel authentic, the less power fear has over you. So I want you to have the conversation that you've been avoiding. Say no to things that don't align to your goals. Don't sit there and try to agree with someone just because you're avoiding confrontation. If it doesn't align with you, say no. You don't have to explain anything. You can walk away. Take action, take one action every week that your future self will be proud about. Not anybody else. The only person you're proving is your future self. That is it. And that's where confidence is built to be yourself, right? Confidence doesn't come before action, confidence is built because of action. Think about that. Lastly, number three, I like this one a lot. Focus on progress, not approval. Okay, you'll never be fully yourself if you constantly keep checking whether everybody approves of your choices. Again, y'all, this is your life, your choices, your belief, your values. Why are you seeking approval from anybody else with something you want to do for you? So here's what I want you to do: you need to shift your focus from being liked to rather becoming better for you. How do you even do this? One, I want you to measure your success by your growth, not by other people's opinions. Don't do that because you'll never feel actually satisfied with what you're doing, because everyone's gonna have something to say. So, next, limit your comparison, especially on social media. Okay, so you might think that someone has your best interest and they don't. So be careful who you try to compare your life to, all right? And then lastly, I want you to just celebrate small wins, small wins that move you closer to the person to the person that you're becoming, even if it takes you a year with some small wins, if it takes you a year to lose one pound, if it takes you a year to uh I don't know, get a new car. All these are small wins, but they're for you. That's all you have to worry about because you're living a life for yourself. And if there's progress being made, that's all that matters. Do not seek approval from anybody. And that's all I got. Just those three. Start really small. That's why I wanted to give you guys three things to go with, and then do what you need to do with that. It's gonna take time, it's gonna take a lot of practice and patience, but it's all for you. So there's no rush, there's no time frame. All there is is progress and small wins. Whatever that looks like for you, that's literally that's all that matters. So let's go over those three things again. Three ways for you to be more current, to have more courage to be yourself. Number one, get clear on your core values. Number two, practice being uncomfortable. And number three, focus on progress, not approval. Look, the the courage to be yourself starts with knowing your values, embracing discomfort, and letting go the need of approval. Because at the end of the day, the people who change their lives aren't the ones who wait until they're quote unquote ready. They're the ones who decide that they're worth becoming. And that's all you need to focus on is becoming evolving for you. The courage to be yourself isn't the absence of fear, it's the decision to move forward despite rejection, despite uncertainty, and despite discomfort of leaving behind the old version of you that you've always been, that you thought served you for so long, right? There's gonna be many versions of you that life will need, and you have to let go these old versions of you, thinking that they can get you through all these new different avenues and new circumstances in your life. You have to let go of that old version of you and be able to step into someone new, someone new and authentic, someone with new values, new core beliefs, new things that are gonna shift you into a better way of life. So, friend, go out there, be yourself, have some fun doing it, find a safe space to do it, and I promise you, things will get better. And with that, thank you for tuning in today. I really appreciate you being here. So, until next time, friend. In the meantime, keep growing, keep learning, and be you. Peace.