Transforming Confidence and Career through Personal Style with Ellie Steinbrink

In this episode with Ellie Steinbrink, we talk about the power of personal style and branding and how it is all about not just reshaping your wardrobe, but also your life.

From the high stress world of advertising to the liberating realm of fashion and styling, Ellie's path is filled with insights on overcoming burnout, embracing authenticity, and the profound impact of what we wear on our confidence and career.

If you have ever felt stuck at the top of the wrong ladder - or trapped in a cycle of comfort clothes, this episode is your call to action!

Discover how to decode your style, clear the clutter from your closet, and the confusion from your life, all while navigating the sticky floors of self-doubt and societal expectations.  

Get ready to be inspired to make those bold moves that lead to joy, peace, and a wardrobe that is as authentic as you are!

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Transcript

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One of my favorite Peloton instructors, Alex Tucson, who, if you don't know him, he is super energizing and very much a height man always ends his classes with look good. Feel good. Do better. And while we know that looks aren't everything, you know, that when you feel good about how you look, your confidence soars, and when your confidence soars, you do better. When you do better, you get more shit done and you can reach unimaginable Heights. Ellie Steinbrink is an expert stylist and a personal brand coach. And as a working mom and business owner, she knows firsthand how difficult it can be to make yourself and your style a priority. And so she gets the desire to look and feel your best. But most importantly, the power that it can have on your personal and work life when you are working from a place of complete confidence in how you look. She created style decoded, a virtual personal styling service because she saw firsthand women like you like me, who? And no shame here have been living in our yoga pants and sweats while their kids run around in the perfect outfit. She saw that we were out there struggling to find the time and the energy to create the unique style that feels like our authentic self. Her mission is all about removing the confusion and the clutter to clarity and simplicity. Ellie is poised put together and very stylish, but we all know looks can be deceiving. And Ellie story begins in fear in burnout and an unrealistic expectations. But those sticky floors, didn't stop her from starting a new career from scratch and finding joy, peace and happiness. You are listening to the podcast from now to next the podcast and empowers women to get seen, get heard, and get promoted. I'm your host, Erica Rooney, and I've made it my mission to help you break free from the sticky floors, those limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to bust through the glass ceiling. I'm obsessed with all things, growth and abundance. And I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here. Imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear and burnout. So pull up a seat, pop in into your bed and let's dive in. Ellie, welcome to the podcast. How are you? Thank you so much for having me, Erica. I'm really excited about this conversation. Well, I am so excited because as I sit here in my Amazon sweat pants and my stained sweatshirt to talk about fashion made simple and how this is going to help me feel joyful again, because Ellie, if I'm honest, when I have to think about what to wear or what to pack for different events and just How to pull it all together so that I feel my best. It is a little stressful. But before we dive into all that and all the amazing work that you're doing, I would love to hear a little bit more about how we came to be and who you are and just everything style expert. Absolutely. My story is unique. It was what I call, one of these loopy, wavy paths as opposed to the very straight path, I grew up in a very small Rural town in iowa. I actually grew up on a farm. So i'm a farm girl at heart and Had a great childhood. I do have lots of memories of me playing dress up and carrying a lot I would change my outfit probably I would change my outfit at least five times a day for the various different Things I was doing. I probably drove my mom crazy, but you know, even as a little girl, I was already inspired and felt that there was a way to express myself through what I was wearing, even on the farm. Grew up, decided I wanted to go to college and, um, work in the advertising industry. And I did just that. I spent actually about 20 years of my career, uh, working in advertising agencies or working in, you know, a branding I remember very distinctly at this one particular ad agency where I spent most of my time. I was, I was there for almost 12 years. I started at the lowest level account executive you could have and worked my way up all the way to, at the end of my time, I was the director of client services. And I kept thinking, ah, I finally, I finally made it, this is it, this is what I had been wanting to do, you know, from the time I set foot out to go to college and go on this path. Except, the one problem, Erica, was that I got to that level and realized that I was exactly in the wrong spot. I have a, a good friend of mine that says, she uses an analogy of, Basically, I climbed the ladder all the way to the top to realize that my ladder was leaning up against the wrong building, completely. And so I was, by that point, I had already had both of my kids. I was stressed out and maxed out to my limit. I was completely burned out to the point where I felt like I was holding none of the balls really well in the air. My body, I was getting sick. I was going to the emergency room, like my body was telling me. You need to get out of this for many reasons. I was overworking myself, but I think probably the bigger thing was that I knew I was not in the right spot. And if anyone has been in this particular situation where you get to what you think is the pinnacle of your career, and then you like secretly inside, you just know. It's not the thing. It is a horrible, horrible feeling. You just want to escape, and I didn't know how to escape, really. Because, one, it was hard to just be honest about what is it that I want to do. This is all I've ever known. This is all I've ever trained for. What do I do? Um, but to make a long story short, I really had a wonderful benefit while I was working at this ad agency. They had hired a third party coach to come in and I was meeting with her once a month. So I was being very honest with her about how I was feeling and what I wanted to do next. And the idea of styling came up, but honestly, at that point in my life, I wasn't quite Brave enough to make that step. I think in my heart of hearts, I knew that's what I wanted to do. And in fact, all throughout my career, I would have people say to me, you know, why don't you just come shopping with me? Can you just come into my closet? Can you help me figure this out? And I remember thinking, well, boy, wouldn't that be a dream? As if this could be my life. And, but I always just sort of, pass it off as something not really serious enough to take, to put time and effort into. I don't know why. There was something, in my mind that what I was doing was much more serious and legitimate in terms of a career choice than this other thing. But luckily I think what I did learn in the time working with this coach was that the next very next step. I needed to take was I didn't necessarily need to figure out my solve my whole career problem But what happened for me is I decided to take, it was technically a part time role, it was a 30 hour job, still in the marketing industry, I was doing all the content marketing and all the branding work for a small company, I'll be all the nice thing about that job is that it gave me a little more space in my life because prior to that, I was. working every available hour I had, just, I gave myself no space to think really. So that was a wonderful gift is to be able to, continue working. I'll be it in the marketing industry. But do it with a little more space and boundaries around my time. And what that allowed me to do was to be able to just, clear my mind. So during my time there, I started to, I had sort of this weird woo woo moment. I was meditating. And I remember so distinctively, and you guys, I know this sounds very woo woo. And I won't say that this would be everyone's experience. This is the only time it's ever happened to me, but I remember opening my eyes from this meditation session and Something said you need to go do something with this styling passion that is in you You need to go do something with it. And so I was still working at this part time job and I said, okay What do I do with this? And so that night I was like, okay, I'm gonna just start posting through an Instagram account. I'm going to start talking about style. I'm going to, post my outfits. I'm going, not for the sake of buy what I'm wearing, but for the sake of talking about style. And I made a promise to myself. I said, I'm just going to start doing this on the side. I have no intention of leaving my jobs right job right now. I just want to play around and see how it feels. And so I said, I'm just going to do this every day. I'm going to post something about style. If I ever get bored with it, I ever feel like it's a chore. If I get burnt out with it, I'm just going to stop because right now there's no commitment. And I can tell you that since that started, I haven't stopped. So I guess that tells me something. But we were in 2020, and I ended up losing my job because of the pandemic. And it was actually the best blessing in disguise, because what it did is, it literally shoved me off the edge of the cliff. Which I'm not really sure had I've been left to my own, actions if I would have done that on my own. But in that time between when I first started posting, I was doing a little bit of styling on the side, and I was getting that, I was really getting into it. I was loving it, and everything in me was saying. I want more. I want to do more. I want to talk about this more. I want to share more. And so when I did lose my job, it was, it was really the push I needed to be able to say, okay, just trust yourself and just start doing this. And so that's where it started. I started a styling business. In 2020. Isn't that brilliant? I was going to say, when everybody is wearing what I'm still wearing. Exactly. Which is the same sweatshirt and Amazon pants. Exactly. So scary. But it worked. And, not only am I styling clients one to one, I speak. On why style matters and how it, affects essentially you achieving your goals. And I'm also a personal brand coach. So using all of that knowledge I gained when I worked in the marketing industry, I understand what it's like to work in a professional environment. I understand. What it means to brand yourself, and that includes your style. So, that's how I came to be. I mean, Ellie, that's a great story, and I feel like we have a lot to unpack here. And this sticky floor of finding yourself climbing up the ladder and being at the top of the wrong building is not one that I haven't heard before. I hear this of a lot of women, but I think what happens is we don't know what to do or how to take that next step because we have poured so much of our time and energy and by that point we have family, we have kids, we have partners, we have responsibilities to take care of. It's not like we can just pick up and find this new job. So how did you Really say, I am going to trust my gut on this one. Because what I also love about your story is that For lack of better words, like fashion and style feels a little fluff when you think of, like you said, not as legitimate to use, right? And so you're going from this legitimate to career for one that feels a little fluff, which also brings me to my next point that I love. I love it when passion pays the bills. Amen. I think that number one, amazing. So like, this is a note for everybody out there, including myself to not even allow something like the quote legitimate. Job versus the non legitimate job because if it's gonna pay the bills, it's legitimate. That's right. Yeah, I think there's a lot of things there. Um, one is to kind of check your thinking on what is legitimate and what is not because, and that was another challenge. This is a little bit of a different topic than what you brought up, but you know, what I realized once I started styling is not all stylists are the same and I didn't need to be a carbon copy of any other stylists for one. So I had to just sort of carve out what was passion, what felt passionate to me and exciting to me. But Um, let me back up to your other question because you're talking about the sticky floor moment of that moment where I realize I'm in the wrong place and how do I make that transition? Well, I think for me, is that when I was at that place at the top of my game, let's just say, Making a wonderful salary and life should have been perfect. It wasn't. In fact, I was grumbling, not only mentally, but physically. And, I remember one of the times, that, My husband is very supportive and he just made a very honest comment that, something's got to give here. I see how much you're stressed out. You're ending up in the ER for various different things. Your body is telling you something's got to give. So what's that something and it and it's just like and those moments you don't want any you don't want to really admit That you're not doing a good job of holding it all together because you think you are even though maybe inside here You're feeling completely jumbled like you still think you're putting on a good front. Like I'm still killing it at work I'm still being the best mom and wife and friend and all these roles you play But when someone's so close to you kind of says I don't think you're holding this together and we need to figure out something different. That was kind of when I allowed myself just to say, okay, I really can't do this anymore. But I think my decision to not immediately jump from that job to let's say styling. Because when that came up with my coach. There was still some hesitation there for me. I hadn't fully wrapped my head around that because, quite honestly, my head was wrapped around how burnt out I was and how stressed out I was with two little, little kids. I had a newborn and a three year old at that time, and it was just too much for me to comprehend. So my next best step was, okay, I know my daughter's going to kindergarten. I know that I want to still work. I was clear about that. So I think just my advice would be and this was hard for me because when I know I want to change, I want it all to be fixed right now. I don't have the patience to be like, you know, if you want 10 things, I don't want to do just the one thing, but it ended up being wonderful to take one step that gave me more freedom that allowed me not to be a psychotic workaholic. And it's funny how when that happens, then things become more clear. I think then all of those feelings I had had about styling then started to be able to bubble up and I had a little more time to think about well what might this be like, and is this just a frivolous thing that will always be something on the side or is this like something I can create a legitimate career out of? Ellie. What I heard was, you don't have to go all in, and you don't have to make this big, massive change. But you do have to take one step forward. And I think the message really is, like, number one, pay attention if it's actually not working. And I think that it can work. Like, I think It can work to until you get to the top of the ladder sometimes, you know, like things were going fine and trucking along and then they weren't and they can change on a dime, right? Because our family lives change our situations change. And so if you find yourself there, you don't have to have a complete existential crisis, massive life change. Although you can, but if you just take that first little baby step and another thing that you said that I thought was so powerful is when you were talking about your woo woo moments, I will be very transparent in that I cannot always get down with the woo woo because my inner child and talking to her and all that, like it just doesn't I'm like, I'm a grown ass woman. I cannot do that. But there is power in giving yourself the time and the quiet time to think. And for me, and I've done those exercises before, and I don't necessarily go into them with an open mind. I'm really bad about that. But when I do actually allow the quietness to come, I can kind of peel back that onion a little more. I can sift through the chaos better and get to either the root of what is truly bothering me or what I need to do next. So I love all of those things. Another point I would love to make because this is the sticky floor podcast is that not all sticky floors are created equally And when I heard you telling your story I heard Fear, I heard burnout, I heard not slowing down, I heard getting in your own way, like, I heard so many different sticky floors, and they can all be there, and they can all lead up to one thing, but like, Not all sticky floors are created equally, but you can bring in all these tiny little sticky floors together, which can add up to be a really big problem. Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. It was a big problem, I think I needed to experience that to really wake myself up. And realized that I could have something better. I didn't have to live this way. I didn't have to just Barrel through as I normally did I could actually just go for something. I really wanted to do which is incredibly scary um, and I had a lot of imposter syndrome when I eventually decided this was what i'm gonna do because my My background experience didn't match everybody else I knew. Nobody's stories are the same. Um, I just have to realize that it was. It was, it was carved out in that way perfectly for me to get to this point. I'd love that. And that for me is the perfect segue because I do want to talk a lot about what you do and everything related to style, especially in my later years as I have become this home body that lives in sweatpants. But one thing that was so fascinating to me is one of your core beliefs is that what you wear matters because it changes. Not just how you look, but how you feel. It changes your behavior, your attitude, your connections, your performance. And you say that brain science proves that. So talk to me a little bit about that. I would say most people would consider that decision of what clothes to put on in the morning as pretty insignificant, insignificant and trite, you know, thinking about all the decisions you have to make in a day. What to put on is it doesn't really seem all that important, but what the reality is is that That choice has much more power than we realize and this is why you mentioned brain science So whenever we have a feeling So, let's just put this in the context of being in your closet. You can think about anybody who's listening, how did it go in your closet this morning? Was it a moment where you felt exhilarated and excited? Or was it a moment where you looked around and you felt like, this is awful, or I can't fit into this, this, and this, or you try to put something on and it won't zip up? Ben there. Um, those are two different feeling states. So Let's just say we had a morning where we walked in And we didn't feel all that wonderful about the options we had in front of us or we just didn't have the energy because we've got kids tugging at us and we literally have A minute or two to get dressed before you got to be on to the next thing or out the door or whatever That feeling you have I would call it a pretty icky, even sometimes a, a feeling of lack, less than, there's a lot of guilt that can be there, especially if you're like, things don't fit, but, not a good feeling. So, when we have a feeling, our brain activates, and then sends chemicals throughout our entire body. So, when we have a feeling, good or bad, your brain activates and sends chemicals throughout your body. When you have a good feeling, your brain activates and sends good chemicals throughout your body. And when you have a bad feeling, your brain activates and sends bad chemicals throughout your body. And they say that research has shown that in worst case scenario, when you have that Bad feeling over and over and over and over again. It can lead to increased chances of anxiety and depression. So here we are in our closet. We're not having a great feeling because of this, that, or the other. Don't like our options. Don't like how things fit. And you walk into your day with that feeling state. Your body's being flooded with all these bad chemicals, and I'll just say what happens to me. You know, when that happens, I can think of a very specific moment where I thought a pair of jeans that I loved were gonna fit me, and I put it on, and they absolutely did not fit me, and it was like my whole world just started spiraling down. And, you know, what happened to me is I tend to be a little bit, uh, shorter with my husband or my kids, I'm a little snippier. I was already kind of in a negative state because I'm so consumed about this pair of jeans that didn't fit. I really didn't have any desire to want to do myself up that day. When it came to me then sitting down at my computer to start to work, I was not wanting to reach out to people. I'm just kind of hiding And how does that serve me? It doesn't serve me at all And so i'll do this exercise with my clients and have them tell me Okay I want you to imagine those two different days in your closet. I want you to imagine that good day where maybe you do have something you're kind of excited to put on. It's a color you like or a fit just fits good or it feels good on your body and I want you to tell me about how you feel and then as a result how you might act that day based on how you're feeling and then what kind of result you might get from that experience. And then I contrast that with the day we just described in our closet that was really kind of icky. So this is why I say, it seems like choosing an outfit in the morning. It's really kind of insignificant and trite and frivolous, self indulgent, but there's much more power to it to really change the trajectory of your day and to propel you in a certain direction, whether it's to propel you forward or really pull you backwards. What I'm really excited about is as very simplistic this concept is, right? It's not something that we like to talk about because who is going to come to work and say, I didn't fit into any of my pants today and I feel like shit. Nobody because then we feel like we're letting people inside like into I'm not a confident enough person or I failed to like eat right and do all of these things. But I know for me too. But as women, We so often tie our worth to our bodies and to how we look and then that translates inside that closet to none of these fit or I'm not comfortable in these things like how many times have we squeezed into a pair of pants or a dress and then we're so self conscious the whole time we're distracted. All we're thinking about is the zipper gonna pop is this button gonna fall out like what's going on. So it's just I don't know it's this epiphany of like this is such a simple concept. That probably so many women are having this conversation in their head and they're not bringing it to the front because there's almost like a little feeling of shame to it. Oh, for sure. Yeah. And we tie meaning to these beliefs. And a lot of times they're just irrational. So that's one of the first things we do working with my clients is just, you know, it's not just about going and shopping and getting a new wardrobe. And then all of a sudden you're just going to embody this person. We have to sort of peel back the layers and realize that there's some long held beliefs there. That change how we show up and will prevent us from making a change even if we really really wanted to make a change Very powerful. Very powerful. And it leads me to think about also growing up. I grew up with a mother who always told me that looks don't matter, right? It's the beauty is on the inside. And that's a very important message. It's one I'm also always trying to teach my kids, but like you and I both know that we live in a world where appearance, no matter where you are, what culture you're in, People judge you based off your appearance. And my question is, how does one show the world who we really are through what they wear? And I ask you this because I know authenticity is one of your core values and you love to bring that authentic style to life. So, tell me. Tell me more. Well, this is what I'll say. Style matters because it changes how, not only how others perceive you, but how you perceive yourself. So we live in a world, as you said, that we can't escape from judgment about our appearances. And it's one of those icky parts of this topic that we just can't get around. People are going to make a judgment about us within a matter of seconds. And what I like to say is, Okay, if we're, if people are going to be judging us, we have zero control over what they're going to think. But I want to at least be projecting something that is true to me, that is authentic to me, that maybe says just a little about me before I even say a word. And so what that looks like is really getting honest about what it is you like, what it is that lights you up, and that comes in the form of colors. So, what colors? Colors have cultural meaning, yes, but they also have personal meaning. and so we explore, what is your power color? And that would be a color that looks good on your skin, but also does something to you energetically. So, authenticity is not only about color, it's about, um, being brave enough to say this is what I like and this feels like a representation of my insides on the outsides. regardless of whatever society says is the right or wrong way to show up in any given situation. I think there's a misconception about, fitting in, it's always best to fit in and to go with the crowd. And I'm actually going to be more successful if I fit in. But what I think is true, and there's actually some research that shows that when you intentionally dress to stand out in a way that's authentic, you're actually perceived in a much more positive way. It's, it was called the red sneaker effect. And they, did a study of, let's say, think of a professor that maybe shows up, but he's wearing red sneakers, red Converse. Or maybe he's wearing a very, colorful bow tie instead of a normal tie. The study showed that when you dress to intentionally stand out in an authentic way, there, it sends a positive message about you. So it totally, goes against this idea. It is our natural human tendency to want to fit in. But in terms of showing your true colors, It might actually serve you better to stand out now what I'm hoping You're receiving from this is that the more you're true to yourself the more it changes your energy and the more that people can see You love it. Absolutely love it. But before we wrap up, one thing I really wanted to touch on is this whole concept of a capsule wardrobe because I'm fascinated by it because I have a big ass walk in closet. It is filled with a lot of shit, okay, if I'm really honest. But yet, I can't toss it. I never wear it. I can't donate it. I literally dusted off the shoulders of one of my suit jackets the other day. Dusted it off. So, I know that the capsule wardrobe is all about simplifying our lives but staying fashionable. How can we pull this together? This is difficult. Well, first of all, for those who don't know what a capsule wardrobe is, it is a wardrobe that's based on a number of, a limited number of pieces. You know, they'll say it's around 35, I've heard the number 37 before, but, really what it means. To me, is that you can do a whole lot more with less. And I've had to do this for myself a lot to prove it to myself. Because our society, our culture, just, I mean, look, there's There is a new clothing drop from a retailer every month now. There is a constant stream with fast fashion. There's just more, more, more, more, more, more, more, and clothes that you can buy and wear it once and then toss it or maybe never to wear it again. And this causes a real big problem. We feel like we need more, so we keep buying more, and we keep buying more, but we're not very strategic about what we buy. And so I have this rule when I shop, is that if I want an item, I have to think of at least three ways. that I can wear that item in my closet right now. It does not mean I go buy something else in the store, but I can go into my wardrobe right now and I know there are three ways I can wear that. Now, if I fall in love with something at the store and I'm like, I'm not really sure, I'll buy it, I'll bring it home, and before I take the tags off, I start to play around with it in my closet. I'm like, does it go with this? Can I wear it with this? Maybe I could mix it with this. And the other key to finding three ways to wear our clothes is to think about your clothes in a much less categorized way. So I would say most women think of their clothes like, I've got my work wardrobe. I've got my casual. I've got my going out. I've got my lounge wear. So what I, when I think about a wardrobe, I think about it all sort of meshing together. Okay, actually today what I'm wearing this sliver of a yellow that you see underneath my blazer is actually a slip dress. Now, would you think that a slip dress would be for a work thing? Maybe, maybe not. I mean, I would say most women would say that's maybe for like a date night or going out with my girlfriends or maybe a wedding. Okay, well, I'm putting it with a blazer. I've worn it with boots before in the winter with a nice pair of professional heels. Now it's something I wear in a work environment. I can also wear it for going out. I can also put it with a pair of sneakers and throw a sweatshirt or a sweater over it or a jacket, a denim jacket, and now I'm ready to go out, you know, run some errands on the weekend. So part of this three ways to wear rule is not only just like three ways to wear it in a work environment, but it's expanding your view. Of maybe how one garment can be used. And it's being more flexible in thinking how clothes can be worn. What I love about this is because immediately in my brain, I was like, well, I don't know how to do that, but that's why we are here, right? That's why I'm here. That's why we now have this job. So if people want to work with you, Ellie, because they're sitting here and they're a little bit sweaty like me, because they're like, I don't know how to make a slip dress work for work. How can people find you and connect with you? So, I'm on Instagram and LinkedIn primarily, so you can find me on Instagram at style. decoded. And LinkedIn under my name, so elliesteinbrink. And you can also find me on my website elliesteinbrink. com. Amazing. And my last favorite question to ask all my guests is Knowing everything that you know now, you know, this gift of hindsight that we have, what is the one piece of advice you would give farm girl Ellie who found herself at the top of the wrong damn building? It would be that. Don't discount any experience you have as a waste. Because when I first started styling, I thought, um, I just spent 20 years of my life doing a totally different career, and here now I've discovered I want to follow my passion. So, don't discount your previous experiences. If they don't seem like they fit into the bigger puzzle of your life, trust me, they do. Oh, I love that. Well, thank you, Ellie. It was so amazing having you on the show today. Thank you for having me. Okay. I don't know about you, but I am ready to just dive through my closet and do my very best to get rid of the stuff that I don't wear. Stuff that doesn't bring me happiness, the stuff that doesn't fit, the stuff that I don't feel like my best self in. So I'm going to ask you to do the same. Ellie's work is nothing short of amazing because she is bringing confidence to women where it counts most. And that is in our boardrooms and in our families and in our lives. So if you enjoyed this episode, as much as I did, please rate, review and subscribe to the podcast, as it truly helps the message land in the hands of the woman or in the closet of the woman that needs to hear it the most.