Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors: Shatter Limiting Beliefs - Redefine Success - Chase Big Dreams

When You Can't Fix It

Erica Anderson Rooney Episode 58

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0:00 | 32:39


What if the hardest sticky floor you'll ever face isn't in the boardroom — it's in the bleachers?
What if the thing that finally brings you to your knees isn't a difficult executive, a glass ceiling, or a career pivot, but an eight-year-old with a cheer bag and a breaking heart?

That's where Erica is this week. And she's not pretending otherwise.

This is a raw, unscripted, still-unfolding solo episode. No tidy lessons. No fully processed takeaways. Just Erica — puffy eyes, pit in her stomach, phone full of texts — walking herself through her own SNAP method in real time as she navigates one of the hardest parts of being a high-achieving woman that nobody talks about enough: what happens when your child is hurting and you cannot fix it. This one is for every mom, auntie, and caregiver who has ever felt their child's pain land in their own chest.

Inside the Episode:

  • The 4AM Spiral: Why your child's disappointment doesn't stay in their lane — and how it activates your own unhealed wounds, old fears, and the nervous system you've been managing your whole career
  • Anxiety in a Designer Blazer: The moment Erica names the sticky floor hiding underneath "good mom advocacy" — and why sometimes what looks like protection is just fear trying to control the outcome
  • The Mother Load: The layer of mental load nobody puts on the list — emotional forecasting, invisible decision trees, and the constant future-scanning that runs quietly in the background of everything
  • Parenting the Child You Used to Be: Why our kids' pain brushes up against our own unhealed places — and how to stop making decisions for the child in front of you based on wounds from your past
  • Sunk Cost Cheerleading: The real conversation about quitting, staying, and why walking away from something that no longer fits can actually be the brave thing — for her, and for you
  • The Pivot That's Still Forming: What happens when the SNAP method doesn't give you a clean answer — and why sometimes the most honest pivot is simply moving from control into trust

Resources & Links:

  • The SNAP Method — Erica's four-step framework: Stop & notice, Name the sticky floor, Ask the deeper questions, Pivot into a grounded response
  • Glass Ceilings and Sticky Floors (the book) — Erica's foundational framework for the beliefs and behaviors keeping women stuck
  • Her Collective — DM Erica directly for a personal guest invite to a live session

YouTube Keywords: mom anxiety parenting, high achieving mom burnout, emotional mental load mothers, parenting and perfectionism, SNAP method Erica Rooney, sticky floors motherhood, when your child is hurting, glass ceilings sticky floors podcast, mom guilt leadership women, letting go control parenting

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[00:00:00] Erica: Do you ever stay up at night stressing out about your kid? Like, not the normal everyday kind of worry, like whether they ate enough protein or remember their water bottle for school. But I mean that deep gut-level worry, the kind that wakes you up before your alarm, the kind that has you replaying conversations, questioning decisions, texting coaches, texting other moms, googling options, spiraling through every possible future version of your child's life.

The kind of worry where their heartbreak becomes your heartbreak, their rejection becomes your rejection, their certainty becomes the thing that sits on your chest at 4:00 in the morning. And y'all, that's where I've been these last few days. And today, I wanna talk about something that is deeply personal but also deeply universal, especially for the moms listening.

I wanna talk about what happens when your child is hurting and you can't fix it. I wanna talk about how hard it is to separate their experience from your old wounds, your own fears, [00:01:00] your own trauma, and your own need to protect them from pain. And I wanna walk myself through my own SNAP method in real time because I'm not coming to you today with the perfect answer.

I'm coming to you today from the very messy and hard middle. And sometimes that is exactly where the work begins. All right. Welcome back, friends. Today's episode, it hits a little different. And That's because it's personal, and it's very raw, and it is still very much unfolding in real time. And honestly, I thought about not doing this episode because I don't have it all figured out yet.

I don't have it tied up in a pretty little bow. There's no clean lesson that you're gonna get today. I have no fully processed, highly version of the story where I can just say, "Here's what happened. Here's what I've learned, and here's how you can apply it," which while I love that, y'all, I am still in it.

[00:02:00] And I also know that so many of the women who are listening to this podcast are not just leaders at work, but you're leaders in your home, and you're mothers, you're aunties, you're caregivers. You are the person that everyone comes to when something hurts, when something breaks, when something needs to be figured out.

And sometimes the heaviest sticky floors aren't the ones that show up at work or in the boardroom, but sometimes they show up in carpool lines, and in the bleachers, and in a text thread at 9:30 at night when you should be sleeping. Sometimes they show up when your eight-year-old is trying to figure out who she is, what she loves, where she belongs, and whether she wants to keep doing something that has been a huge part of her life, and that's where I am with Hallie right now.

So I'm gonna keep some of the details private because y'all, she's eight, and this is her story, too. But at a high level, we've been navigating a really hard situation around her cheer group, and y'all, she's been in competitive cheer for two years. She has really made [00:03:00] very strong friends there. It's been a huge part of our life.

I think many of you know I was cheer mom, so I was all up in that gym doing all the things. And y'all, I know, like, in the grand scheme of things, in 2026, this is not a big global crisis. There's ... It's called first-world problems, right? But if you're a mom, you know that something doesn't have to be catastrophic to completely consume your heart, and when it's your child, it just hits different.

So she's loved cheer. She's built her friendships. She's developed skills. Y'all, she has been doing one-hour private lessons just so she could nail her back handspring and be confident and excited and proud. And there have also, you know, been the hard moments, right? There have been moments when she's felt unseen, disappointed, maybe not placed where she hoped she would be, maybe placed for the betterment of the team rather than the betterment of just her, I guess.

And, [00:04:00] you know, moments where I've had to watch her process something that I can't process for her, and that is the part that's getting to me. Because y'all, I can handle a lot. I can handle challenging executive conversations. I can handle the boardroom politics. I can handle walking into a room full of strangers and speaking on stage like I've known them all my whole life.

I can even handle rejection in my own life, but this one, watching my child hurt, oof, y'all, that really takes it out of me. It takes me ... It takes me out in a way that feels physical, like I feel it in my chest, I feel it in my stomach, I feel it in my sleep, and I know that I'm not the only one out there feeling this way.

I know there's a mom listening right now who's done this with sports or school or friendships or with a certain teacher or a birthday party invitation or a child who keeps getting left out, or your child being treated in a way that, you know, you don't think they deserve to be treated. And then suddenly it's not just about [00:05:00] one situation, it becomes every situation, because it becomes their confidence and their identity and their friendships, their future, their resilience, maybe even the relationship they build with themselves.

And if you're anything like me, your brain doesn't stay in the present moment, right? It's always off and running into the future five, 10, 15 years from now, and all of a sudden I'm not just thinking about a fricking eight-year-old cheerleading squad. I'm thinking, "Is this gonna impact her confidence? Will she regret quitting and walking away from something she's loved for two years?

Will she lose her skills? Will her friendships unravel? Will she find something else that she loves? Am I making the right call by supporting her decision to leave, or am I pushing too hard, or am I not pushing enough?" Like y'all, I don't know. Am I protecting her or am I projecting onto her? And that's the spiral.

And y'all, that's why I wanna walk myself with you through this [00:06:00] SNAP method today, because SNAP isn't something that I just teach, it's something that I myself have to come back to over and over and over again. Now, the whole point of SNAP is that we stop letting the sticky floor run the show. We slow down long enough to notice what is happening inside of us, to name the belief or behavior that's keeping us stuck, to ask ourselves the deeper questions, and then pivot into something that is more powerful and is a more grounded response.

So walk through it with me, will you? But I'm gonna be honest with you, like this is real time. I'm walking through it with you, not from above you or any other direction, because I am not healed and handing you this lesson. I am in the arena, and if you're watching on YouTube, you may see the puffy eyes, and y'all, I got a phone full of text messages and a nervous system that needs a fricking beach.

But the first step, let's do it, y'all. Let's not waste any more time. That first step in the, the SNAP process is to really stop and notice what's going on inside your body. And I [00:07:00] know that that sounds so simple, but for a lot of us high-achieving women, especially moms who are used to managing everything, and noticing actually what's going on in our bodies is actually not our default.

Our default, especially mine, is to solve. It's to fix, right? It's to reach out and text somebody or make a plan and get more information. But it's really about getting ahead of the pain before it gets any worse, and that's what I've been doing, right? I spent over an hour last night texting back and forth with the cheer coaches and other moms who understood how I felt, and you know, I was trying to understand.

I was trying to advocate for my child. I was trying to be respectful and clear and strong, and I was trying to stand up for my daughter without going, like, full mama bear in a way that I know I would regret later. And you know, I was texting other moms. I was asking them what they thought, trying to understand if I was even seeing this clearly, if I was reading the [00:08:00] room.

And I was trying to also kindly let other people know that we most likely would not be back But also trying to not make this decision from an emotional place, and at the whole time, y'all, my body has just been screaming. It has been on high alert, and this is what I want you to hear. My body knew before my brain did.

My chest has been tight for a couple days 'cause I think this was coming. My stomach's unsettled today. My sleep has definitely been disrupted, and this morning I woke up early, not in a like, "Yay, it's Monday, let's go. I'm ready to take on the day," but I woke up with my mind already racing and a pit in my stomach.

And the second I tried to call my friend to talk about it, I was actually just gonna leave her a voice note, I couldn't do it. I immediately started crying. Like, literally, I had to text her, and I said, "I'm sorry, I can't leave you a voice note like I said I would because I just started crying." And y'all, that is information for us, right?

Our bodies are giving us data, [00:09:00] and for me, that data is clear. This isn't just fr- frustration, but, like, this is anxiety. This is grief. This is fear. This is also uncertainty. It's a feeling of helplessness, and y'all, I don't like feeling helpless. Moms, like, we are not built to thrive in helplessness. We want to protect.

We want to create the path and call the person and solve the problem and make the pain stop. But, you know, sometimes the first move isn't always to fix it. The first move is to notice what's actually going on with you and make sure you don't hand that energy off to your kid because that's the part where we have to be really careful, right?

Like, our children are already carrying their own feelings. They don't need to carry ours, too. And that sentence makes me emotional because I know how hard it is. I want to be calm for Hallie. I wanna be grounded for her and have her own experience and make her own decisions, but I have my own experience [00:10:00] happening right alongside of hers.

And if I don't be the parent and the adult and stop and notice it, I risk making her situation about my nervous system. And that f- that is the first sticky little floor, that sticky little truth, that sometimes what feels like advocacy is actually, like, anxiety dressed up in a designer blazer or something.

But What I know is sometimes protection is, uh, our own fear trying to control the outcome, and sometimes the most loving thing that we can do is pause before we act. Now, the second step is naming that sticky floor, and that's where we have to get honest. And for me, right now, that sticky floor is all about worry, right?

But it's a bit of worry that disguises itself, uh, self a little bit like responsibility, and it says, you know, I mean, I'm saying this, like I'm just trying to make the right decision, and duh, of course I am. But underneath that, there is something that is much [00:11:00] heavier, and it's this belief that if I make the wrong decision now, that I could really fuck up her future, right?

That's the sticky floor, and that's the part that feels impossible because this decision on paper isn't about cheer. Y'all, she's eight years old. It's fricking eight-year-old cheer, okay? But emotionally, it feels like so much more. It feels like I'm standing at this crossroads with Hallie's confidence, her friendships, her identity, her skills, and all of this joy sitting in the middle of it, and I know that that sounds dramatic But if you're a mom, if you're a caregiver, you know.

You know how fast your brain can take something so small and turn it into a full-ass documentary about your child's future. If she quits, am I gonna regret it? If she stays, will she feel small, or will she hate her decisions? Will I be dragging her to cheer? Will she lose her love for the sport? You know, if she comes back next year and takes a year off, will she be behind?

If [00:12:00] she leaves this group of girls, will those friendships fade away? Right? If she doesn't have cheer, I mean, what does she have? Will she feel like she gave up? Will she feel like I let her give up? I mean, there's so much, and that's the mother load of the mental load, y'all. And yes, I meant mother load, because that's what this feels like.

We talk about the mental load in terms of the groceries, and the dentist appointments, and the birthday gifts, and the forms, of the snacks, and the laundry, and the calendar, and being lunch parent, and this, that, and the other. But there is another layer of the mental load that is much harder to explain, and that is the emotional forecasting, the constant future scanning.

It's that invisible decision tree that is running in the back of your brain all day long, and it is exhausting. And I think, you know, when I named that here with you, like, my sticky floor, it's not just worry. It's a little bit about control. You know? It's this belief that if I think hard enough, and if I figure it out, if I [00:13:00] ask all of the questions and analyze it from every angle, that I can somehow guarantee the right outcome.

But y'all, I mean, you know this. Motherhood doesn't work that way. Leadership doesn't work that way either. You can have the most thoughtful decision, decision available to you with the information that you have and still not know how it's gonna turn out, and that's what's so hard for women who are high achievers, right?

We are used to being someone who produces outcomes, right? We're used to being to... W- we are used to being able to work harder, prepare better, communicate clearly, and ultimately solve the problem But my child is not my project, and their lives are not a business plan. And you know what? I can't reverse engineer her joy, right?

Their confidence isn't something that I can build her, for her, right? And that's why it's so important to name the sticky [00:14:00] floor, that if I say, like, "I'm afraid if I don't get this right, she will hurt," but y'all, she's already hurting. And so my job may not be to prevent every hurt. My job is to help her learn that hurt is survivable, and that disappointment is, too.

You are also allowed to change your mind. You know, I think this idea of, like, sunken cost fallacy is really hitting me really hard, uh, because we've put so much of our time and energy and money into this that it's hard, it's hard to really understand that sometimes walking away from something that no longer feels right can actually be the brave thing to do.

And I think the biggest lesson here, right, is also, too, staying and working through it could be brave, but the biggest lesson is that her worth isn't determined by a team, a position, a role, a placement, or a title. And oh my God, y'all, that one is for the moms, but it's also for us, because how many of us still struggle with that, [00:15:00] right?

How many of us still tie our worth to the role, the title, the room, the invite, the recognition, that external validation? So of course this hit something in me, because I teach women about sticky floors every single day, and then life hands me an eight-year-old with a cheer bag and says, "Great, apply it right here," which, ooh, God, that's rude, but also very necessary.

But y'all know that third step. It's to ask and answer the deep and personal questions, and this is the step that we wanna skip a lot of the times because it requires us to go deep. And when you're in that mama bear mode, you don't really w- feel like being curious. You wanna be busy. You wanna send the text, make the phone call, find the new cheer gym.

You wanna talk to the group chat and get them on your side. But this is where the work lives. So I've been asking myself, like, why does this feel so big? Because again, at a high level, y'all, this is eight-year-old cheer, but in my body it [00:16:00] feels bigger. And I think part of it's because I know what it feels like to be disappointed by something that you worked so hard for I know what it feels like to think that the path is gonna go one way, and realize that the adults in the room, the systems in the room, or the decision-makers in the room don't see it the same way.

And I know what it feels like to want something and not get it. I know what it feels like to be overlooked and to question yourself. And even though Hallie is only eight, and I'm a grown-ass woman, our nervous systems don't always keep those stories separate. And this is why parenting can be so triggering sometimes, not because anyone's doing anything wrong, but because our kids' pain often brushes up against our own unhealed places, right?

Their social dynamics remind us of our own. Their rejection reminds us of our rejection. Their disappointment reminds us that there have been doors that have slammed shut in our faces, right? This uncertainty reminds us that every [00:17:00] time we didn't know what to do next, like, how we felt. And then all of a sudden, it's like we're not just parenting this child in front of us, but we're parenting the child that we used to be, and we're protecting the version of ourself who didn't feel protected.

Now, this is a lot to put on an eight-year-old's extracurricular activity, and yet that's exactly why we have to pause. Because I don't wanna make decisions for Hallie based on my old wounds. I wanna make decisions with Hallie from her current reality, and that is a very different thing. So I have to ask myself the hard questions.

Am I worried because she's truly unhappy, or because I am uncomfortable watching her navigate uncertainty, right? Am I afraid that she'll regret quitting because, you know, I don't know, I just don't know? Or am I protecting my own fear of regret onto her, or projecting my own fear of regret? Am [00:18:00] I worried that she'll lose her skills because she cares about it, or am I thinking about future opportunities through an adult lens that, like, she doesn't give a sh*t about?

Am I trying to teach resilience, or am I asking her to tolerate something that no longer feels good for her? And I think the real question is, am I trying to protect her joy, or am I trying to protect my idea of what I thought her joy was going to look like? And y'all, I mean, that last one, that one got me because sometimes our kids love something and we start building this whole identity around it.

Like, she's the cheer girl. Hudson's the baseball boy. She's the math girl. She's this, she's that. And you know what? All of a sudden, before we know it, a thing that they do becomes a part of how we see them, and sometimes it becomes part of how we see ourselves as parents too, right? We get connected to the schedule, and the families, and the rhythm, and the competitions, the [00:19:00] team, and the identity ourselves.

And when they change, it feels like a loss for us, right? Not because we wanna control them, right? But motherhood is just full of tiny griefs, y'all, that no one talks about. You know? That last time they ask you to pick them up, the last time they wear their Little League uniform, or the last time that they run into your arms without checking, like, "Who's looking at me?"

What about the last time they loved something in that fully innocent, all-out way? So yeah, I mean, it kinda is about cheer, but part of this is also about watching my daughter grow up and realizing that I can't choose her path for her. I can expose her to things. I can support her and ask good questions.

I can advocate when it's needed. Right? I can teach her not to quit because something is hard, but I can also teach her that she doesn't have to stay somewhere that makes her feel small. Y'all, both can be true, and that's the hardest part. There is no perfect answer. There's no [00:20:00] decision that removes all risk.

So if she stays, there are some big risks. If she leaves, there's also risk. If she takes a break, there's risk. If she tries something new, there's risk. And so maybe the deeper question is not how do I make the decision that guarantees she never regrets anything, and maybe that deeper question is more how do I help her trust herself through whatever decision she makes?

And y'all, that, that is the work. It's not about controlling the outcome, but it's about building self-trust. And honestly, I mean, y'all are listening to it in real time, this work is for me, too. I have to trust myself as her mom that I can guide without just gripping on and that I can advocate for her without bulldozing people.

I sometimes have a tendency to do that, right? I have to trust that I can listen without jumping into that fix mode, right? And I, I really have to trust that even we, even if we make a decision now and we adjust it [00:21:00] later, that that is not a failure. I don't need to be worrying about these fake ass sunken costs when it comes to an eight-year-old's cheer.

But that brings me to the pivot, y'all, and this is where I wanna be honest with you, because I don't know what pivot is gonna stick with me right now. Now, usually when I teach SNAP, there is a pivot where we move into the new belief, move into the new behavior, the new action, that new empowered response.

But Oof, today, y'all, my pivot is still forming, and maybe that's important, too, right? Maybe sometimes the pivot isn't a lightning bolt or an easy button, but maybe it's a practice. Maybe it's the next grounding choice to just put down the text messages and take a break. Maybe it's choosing to stop crowdsourcing all of these other cheer moms for every feeling that I'm having.

Maybe it's choosing to sit down with Hallie and say, "Tell me what you want. Like, what do you really want? Not what you think I want, not what your [00:22:00] friends want or what your coach wants, but what do you want?" And, I mean, maybe it's choosing to believe that stepping away from one thing doesn't mean stepping away from possibility.

Ooh, I love that one. That is the pivot I think I'm gonna work on because, y'all, Hallie is eight years old. Child- childhood is not a resume, you know? And gosh, it's supposed to be this place where kids try things and learn new things and love things and outgrow things and come back to things and discover who they're becoming.

And so yes, there are commitments, and there are lessons in perseverance, but, you know, sometimes kids need encouragement to push through that discomfort. But there's also wisdom in listening if something doesn't fit anymore, right? There's wisdom in letting a child have a voice in her own life, and there's wisdom in allowing the space for that because maybe stepping away from cheer doesn't close the door on who Hallie is, but maybe it opens the door for something that we cannot yet [00:23:00] see.

Maybe it gives her the space to find out- There's another thing she really loves, that there's another part of herself she hasn't found yet. Maybe she does volleyball. Maybe she comes back later to cheer, y'all. Maybe she does something totally different. I don't know. But my biggest hope is that she learns that she can survive changing her mind.

Maybe she learns that her mom will stand beside her while she figures it out without needing to script the entire future in advance, and that, I think, is the pivot. The pivot is moving out of control and really into trust, taking myself out of that spiral, out of the panic that I've been feeling, and more into just being present with her, right?

Like, I don't have to get it exactly right. I can just help her listen to her heart because that's what really matters, right? This is just one little chapter. It's a meaningful one. It's an [00:24:00] emotional one, but it is just one chapter, and our kids get to have so many chapters, and so do we, right? Like, I think motherhood is learning how to hold the tension between protection and permission, and y'all, we wanna protect them from pain, but we also have to give them permission to live a life that includes discomfort and disappointment and risk and change.

We wanna protect their confidence, too, right? But confidence isn't built by avoiding the hard thing. Confidence is built when they go through hard things and realize they're still okay. You know, we also wanna protect their friendships, but they need to learn that the right people will remain, and that new people can arrive, right?

And that's what I'm trying to stay present to, the child in front of me, right? My sweet little baby, Halle, what is she telling me? What is her body telling me? What lights her up? What dims her? What does she need from me? Not the part of [00:25:00] me that is scared and upset, but the grounded part of me, the mom part, right?

The part that knows that love isn't about controlling every outcome, but that it's about being present and grounded, and it's about being an advocate when needed. But it's also about loosening my grip, and God, y'all, that is hard. So real quick, I wanna name the bandwidth piece, because I think it's something that we moms just carry so quietly, and that is that this stuff takes time, but, like, actual time.

You are texting the coach. You are taking the time to talk to your child. You are processing this with your partner, explaining everything to him. It takes the time to, to text the other moms, and to look up different options, and map out other cheer gyms and other activities that are gonna be going on.

It's just a lot. And then we're supposed to wake up on a Monday and run a business, lead a team, show up on a call, do all [00:26:00] these things, record this podcast, right? My girl Kaylee, who produces this podcast, was like, "Hey, I need it, and I need it today," so here I am. And y'all, it is too much sometimes, so can we just say that?

Can we call a spade a spade and just say that? Because so many women are walking around wondering why they're so fricking exhausted, and they're exhausted because their brain is running eight invisible operating systems all at the same time. So we're all gonna take a deep breath. We're gonna stop and notice what's happening in the body.

We're gonna name our Sticky Floors. We're gonna ask the deeper questions, and we're gonna pivot into the next grounded choice. Because I want Hallie to learn that her voice matters. I want her to learn that her mom will stand up for her, but her mom will also stand up for herself, and I want her to learn that sometimes life gives you a pivot before you're ready for it.

And you know what? That might be a lesson for both of us because it's not just [00:27:00] her pivot, it's mine. It's also mine. So if you're in this room with me right now, if you're listening, and you know what? Whatever version of this exists in your life, I want you to know you're not alone. It might not be cheer, it might not, you know, be anything I'm going through, but it could be your kid's friendship group, a sport, anxiety, a diagnosis, maybe a teacher that doesn't see him clearly, or maybe it's watching your child realize that the world isn't always fair, and y'all, that one sucks.

But we already knew that, right? So here we are now. We are practicing presence, practicing trust. Well, I am, right? I'm practicing not making a permanent story out of a temporary season. I am practicing support. I'm practicing letting Hallie be eight years old, for goodness sake, right? Like, all of these are parts of the pivot, and that's, that's the real work here, right?

[00:28:00] And y'all, you know what? I think that's enough for today. So if you, uh, are listening at home and this episode hits you, I would love for you to send it to a mom who feel, who is also feeling this way, right? Who probably needs to feel less alone this week. And if you're in your own sticky floor, whether it's motherhood, leadership, work, or just that impossible mental load that we've been talking about, come back to the SNAP method.

Stop, name, ask an answer, and then pivot. Because you don't have to have the whole entire path laid out. You just need the next honest step. And as always, y'all, I'm cheering you on. I'm right here with you in it, and I believe in the infinite possibilities waiting on the other side of this messy, beautiful, and deeply human work that we're doing.

I'll see you next week. If this episode resonated with you, don't let it stop here. Send it to a woman you care about, a colleague, a friend, someone who's been on your mind while you were listening. [00:29:00] These conversations are meant to be shared, and you never know what one small shift can unlock for someone else.

And if you haven't already, make sure that you're following the podcast. Leave a rating and write a quick review. It helps more women find this space, and it keeps these conversations going. If you're ready to go deeper, come a little closer. Send me a DM. I'll invite you to sit in on a live Her Collective session as my personal guest.

No pressure, no strings attached, but you get to experience it, feel the room, and see what happens when women start moving together. Until next time, y'all, keep going, keep choosing differently, and let's smash the ceilings and close the gaps.