Three Feelings That Create Results

In the pursuit of any goal, it can be fun to think that you will ride the wave of excitement the whole time. But in reality, we will need to tap into some more grounded and sometimes uncomfortable feelings on the road to success. Today I am going to help you cultivate a relationship with determination, commitment, and dedication so that you can access them when you have lost that spark.         

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Welcome to " You need a coach bitch with Chris Hale. I'm your host Chris Hale. I'm a certified life coach that helps queer creatives. Take their passion, turn it into a purpose and get paid. If you are looking to make an impact on the world with your work by dismantling internalized, oppressive thought systems by using coaching spirituality and a lot of cursing, you are in the right place.

So let's get to work.

What's up friends? How are you doing today? I am not gonna lie, I'm a little exhausted. Um, potentially the time change, potentially stress from feeling like we live in a dumpster fire of America, um, with this election cycle. , maybe a little bit of both. My sleep's also been really off, so yeah. Crushing it in terms of energy, but I do feel like I've had an amazing week.

I started with two new, awesome clients, just that was amazing. Serving my usual clients, getting shit done despite the fatigue. Um, I just made some soup. It's gonna be amazing. Soup is one of my favorite things. Um, I love to make it all year round. Actually, I eat soup all summer, in case you wanted to know a little fun fact about me.

I think it's a delicious food. It's also an easy way to make sure that I'm getting all my veggies. I used to make like just a big pot of veggie soup, and now I do like a chicken vegetable soup, so I'm getting it all in anyway. . Um, I had this thought while I was riding my bike today, and I just really wanted to share it with you.

I also shared it on my Instagram story because I just feel like everyone needs to hear it and it was really about, um, how important community is and how we just really need people. So often when I'm writing, um, I'll pretend like I'm queuing a class . Um, so whether it'll be like for choreography or jumps or turning up resistance, I'll literally talk like.

I'm actually teaching a Soul Cycle class, so I'll be like, let's turn it up one more time. Right. You know, like, whatever, whatever I used to say when I was in that character, that characterization of Chris. And, um, I find what it helps me do is to sort of like tap into community energy. Because like I was once a part of that community, I literally cultivated a community there.

And so I have access to that, right? Because I, I can remember being in that room. And the thing is, we can bring anything with us because it's just our thoughts, right? Like your body, your nervous system doesn't really know the difference between a thought that you're having, right? Like just in your head.

And a thought that's in response to, um, , like the circumstance being real in front of you. Like there's, I mean, there are some differences, but I don't have to be in that circumstance to relive it. Right? Think about anything you've, any experience you've ever had, right? If you start to bring up the memories, right, bring up the picture of it in your head, you can like recreate it and actually like experience those emotions again, so I can tap into that community.

And this got me thinking about like, like how important it is to have people, right? The reason we like to like work out in groups, for instance, is because we're pack animals. So we thrive in a group of people all working and pushing forward toward the same things, right? And even if it's just that we all have individual goals, right?

That like that camaraderie. Is one of those things that like gets us all to like kind of do things that we wouldn't normally do. So when I'm alone, tapping into that community helps me to push myself a little bit harder, and I really believe that the people you surround yourself with are so important.

So, you know, if you're feeling like you're sort of strugs to funk right now when it comes to moving the needle on your goals, it might be time to tap into community somehow. And maybe that's a coach, um, or it's a group coaching program or maybe it's a mastermind, um, of people or mastermind of your friends.

I really believe that my success comes from the core people that I have, like surrounding me in my community. I have my own coach and I have several coach friends that I connect with. One of them I meet with weekly. We just hang out. But it always energizes me and inspires me to keep going. Um, even if all we do is talk about random shit, right?

Like, it's just like being surrounded by like-minded people. So, um, one of the things that you could do, like if you right. Hiring a coach or paying for coaching in some way is not sort of like attainable for you right now is you could take like one of your favorite self-help books or this podcast or someone like another coach's podcast and kind of use it like a little book club, right?

Create your own mastermind. I give you lots of questions to ponder, some actions to do, um, and you could like all get together and kind of discuss, maybe do some coworking. You could do it so easily on Zoom or any other way that you can meet up with people online. So that might be a way that you can help like kind of use that group mentality, um, to unlock some things that you aren't able to do on your own.

because we do need people as much as sometimes I like to like go it alone. I have my people and I know how crucial they are to me. So today what I wanna talk about is three feelings that are gonna get you results. I've mentioned before how we like to kind of ideal. The process when we think about completing any goal, right?

Like we hear phrases like, discomfort is the currency of our dreams, and we imagine ourselves sort of laboring out of love with grit, willing ourselves forward. But I think we do that almost as a way to chase dopamine, right? Like we're hyping ourselves up for the hit. But when it actually comes down to doing the.

At the first sight of a negative emotion, we start telling ourselves that we should be feeling better, and that if we were really like hashtag meant to be doing this, then it would feel better. That just ends up making it easier for us to abandon our dreams and blame it on a lack of passion, which by the way, is an emotion that you have control over.

If you want passion, then cultivate it. But when it comes to what this actually looks like and how to put it into practice in your work life or your business, um, it's figuring out what emotions you can access when you're lacking passion. Uh, when you don't have motivation or inspiration. I've said before, these emotions are kind of like a spark and need something underneath them to sustain.

I touched on this in the episode about having full emotional experience, um, right, Like what if happiness isn't the goal? But today we're gonna focus just on this so that we can really get an idea of which of these emotions is gonna work best for you and when they might work best for you. So the first feeling that gets us results, That I wanna talk about is determination.

In preparation for this episode, I went to the interwebs and got a definition for this word, and quite frankly, I was a little bit surprised by what I found. Um, well, first I found a bunch of like corporate type shit with articles on how to show that you're dedicated. It was all about exhibiting dedication for the benefit of someone else, like thinking that you're a good employee or a team player, like, and this totally reeks of that performative productivity that we've talked about before that that corporations are so fond of.

But it spoke nothing of how you actually cultivate it from within. Um, so all that stuff's the topic for another time. We're gonna talk about how to cultivate it, the definition. That I was not expecting, but that I really loved was firmness of purpose. And I love this because it shattered the image I have for what it means to be determined.

Like no surprise, but most of my references for these feelings are actually quite dispassionate and void of a sense of preservation.  of self that is not attached to actual survival. So that's just my trauma lens. Um, , I see, I see this as like a harsh thing where. Right. If I'm dedicated, I'm like denying all other needs to focus on one solitary outcome that I'm probably holding onto with like white knuckles and a clenched jaw.

Like that's been my image for determination, but firmness of purpose sounds so much more attainable and more sustainable. This also directs us back to one of the most foundational things I've taught you, and that is the importance of a strong why. When we know the reason for doing something, it can be the thing that snaps us back to reality.

When our brain starts spouting off some Bs about how no one is going to be impacted by our work, if I have a clear vision of who I help, I can tap into serving them and be firm in my purpose for creating the work I'm putting out into the. Now, I think one of the reasons this is hard for us creatives to do is because we spend so much time developing our personal perspective and then being afraid that others won't like it.

Instead of imagining the many ways people will be moved by our work both positively and negatively. Right? But like if we aren't hitting polarized reactions, are we really saying anything at all? Like if there aren't some people out there who actually like hate our work, Do we really have a stance? Do we really have a point of view at all?

I want to also add that I like this definition because it has a sensate quality to it. Um, so if a feeling is a vibration in the body caused by a thought, then being able to access this firmness will be that indicator for you that you are feeling dedicated. . And when I think of the word firm, I immediately think of mattresses, , and like, maybe that's also because I haven't been sleeping.

But, um, when we think about mattresses, even the hardest mattress has some give, Firmness allows for the feeling to have some movement in it. It's not rigid, right? I don't need to be like holding my hand to the fire. That idea brings us back to like needing to suffer, to make our dreams come true. We don't need to go there, right?

We can be firm and not rigid. A thought that comes to mind that creates this sensation for me is I have chosen this. It brings me right back to the idea that no one is making me do this, not even myself, but it's a choice I made and I'm going to keep making it. That's kind of how I, I like to think about dedication and like a thought that goes with it and even what it like, feels like resonating in my body.

The next feeling you can call on is committed. This again, brings up the idea of choice. Um, the definition that I like is, Loyal and willing to give your time and energy to something that you believe in. This ties in beautifully to dedicated because of the part about believing in it, right? Again, if you are sure of the purpose, the meaning, you'll be more inclined to stay the course.

This feeling is super useful when it comes to making a plan or creating a schedule, because if you're not willing to make time for something, is it really even a priority? So we're gonna think about what do you want to commit to doing? Committing is actually ends up being both an action and an emotion.

It's that feeling of being willing to give your energy and attention to something. So if you notice that you're not willing, it's time to ask yourself why, And then it's the action of making space for it in your life, right? Think about having a partner. It's not enough to say that you're committed to them, right?

If you never make time to be with them, that's not what I would call being committed to somebody. And I think that sometimes people are afraid of committing because they see it as something that restricts them. But I think that commitment can be very freeing. I think it feels restrictive when you're confusing.

Committed with obligated. I do not like feeling obligated because it takes away my choice in a way. I feel like I'm doing something under du. If you've been a very unsafe sort of task master using self-criticism to scare yourself into getting stuff done, then what you've actually been experiencing is like obligation.

You've been like, like tying yourself or locking yourself into something. For me, commitment feels steady in my body, whereas firm had some movement. Commitment feels very still and almost akin to peace. Um, it's a bit lighter in sensation, but has a bit more weight mentally. That helps me to clarify my focus.

And then this brings me to dedication, which I would say from a vibrational aspect is more substantive, right? It has more heft. Um, It means to be devoted to a task, having single minded loyalty. And for me, this really speaks to bringing in the big picture. It's the prize at the end. It's glancing the top of the mountain, right?

Seen as the fog clears. It's that big goal. It's that impossible, like lofty, like imagining our most wild dreams future goal. When my husband and I had our training program, that for us, was the vision that we had of an integrative dance complex in the city, right? It had all the best training, as well as the additional support a dancer needs all in one place.

While the why that we had was more about the impact that we had on individual people that were sort of in our direct orbit at the time. Our dedication was about the legacy. We'd be able to leave if we reach that goal, and so like our commitments right, might shift. That single minded loyalty to the end never wavered, and now we didn't get there.

But sometimes that's not the point. It's what kept us showing. We were loyal to that vision. We made decisions against that vision. It was the beacon that helped us stay on track. Dedication almost feels like something you wear. It's something you put on, It enhances you and it makes you feel connected to the world and a purpose that is much bigger than you.

So it take some time, and I want you to think about what you want and where you might need to cultivate one of these three emotion. Drop into your body and tap in what you need to believe to feel these deeply. And they don't need to be unwavering, right? Like all other emotions, they are a fixed state, right?

We're not gonna like grasp onto them and try to keep them in our claws, but they are the ones that will carry you to your goal if you're willing to step into them, whether they feel good or not. What actions do you take from a feeling of dedicated? What does it look like when you show up to your work from a place of committed?

How do you behave when you're determined?

Because again, our feelings are all about driving our actions. And so if you can really start to envision what it looks like when obstacles come up, but you're determined your firm and your purpose, how do you handle that obstacle? I know for me, like sometimes that does mean stepping away from my work, but if I'm determined, if I'm firm in my purpose, I know I'm gonna come back to it.

I'm not just gonna abandon it, right? Abandoning it is gonna come from some other feeling like defeated, hopeless, dejected. When I come up against a problem I can't solve. If I'm committed, well then I'll sit there and I'll work on a solution. I'll research, I'll brainstorm. I'll phone a friend, right? This is what I'm gonna do.

This is how I'm gonna show up. If I have decided that I am going to, that I'm going to honor my word and be in integrity to the thing I said I was going to do. So play with that. See what comes up this week. See what roadblocks come up and ask yourself really, like, really tap into it. What, which of these emotions would be the most helpful?

Which of these emotions are gonna be the one that carry you through? And maybe you'll find some other ones, right? We've talked about that like focus is another one that maybe doesn't always feel amazing, but is always there for.  if you work to cultivate it. All right, my friends have an amazing week.

We'll talk soon.

If you are loving what you're hearing here on, you need a coach, bitch, please subscribe like and share with your friends. And if you want more information on how you can work with me, one on one. Go to theonlychrishale.com where you can find me on Instagram, theonlychrishale.