YBLB Introduction Episode

It's always good to start off a new(ish) show with an introduction, so here you go! 

Transcript

• Hey ya’ll, welcome to my NEW podcast! I’m SO excited to make this change! I feel like I’ve lost some of my passion, some of my drive, regarding The Confident Swinger. I hate that, and I wanted to tell you why. When I look at my website, and I see the tagline “get out of your read and into their bed”  it just doesn’t feel right. Not because there is anything wrong with that. If you want to get out of your head so you can get into someone’s bed, cool. I’m still down to help you get into someone’s bed, if that’s what you want! But for me, there’s a LOT more to it than that. 
• When I started this podcast, I wanted to help swingers and other LS people build their confidence and embrace their badassery. The main focus, when I started, was to help people connect with others better. I saw a lot of people struggling to make connections, to find people to either hook up with or to be friends with, and as I saw it, the main reason that most people were struggling was a lack of confidence. Not necessarily confidence as they defined it, like Rico Suava confidence, but a deeper level of confidence. The kind of confidence that just shines out of you, not by what you say or what you do, but just by who you ARE.
• I’ve always considered myself a confident person, and I wanted to help other people feel that same way. AND, to experience the by-products of that confidence. Which, of course, includes being able to connect quickly and easily with people, if that’s what you want.
• And that’s great. But the problem is, as I’ve grown, I’ve had to face some hard truths in myself. I’ll share some of those hard truths with you in a little bit, because I figure I can’t expect YOU to be willing to be vulnerable and face your own demons on the path to confidence and badassery if I’m not willing to be vulnerable with you. Spoiler alert, this whole being vulnerable thing still sucks for me, too. I fight it every fucking time. I’d LOVE to tell you that I’ve come up with the perfect solution for being vulnerable that makes it easier, but that would be a lie and I’m a terrible liar. Except to myself, I’m a GREAT liar to myself!
• Ok, I’ve gotten off course, let me pull it back in. When I started the podcast, I thought that I needed to have a very specific outcome to market, hence the FABULOUS tagline. I’ve come to realize that the confidence I want to help people build is so much more than a LS issue, but even more, it’s so much more than a “get in their bed” issue. That’s the part that feels kind of cringy for me now, because it feels like I’ve reduced LS people to this expectation that they JUST want to get in other people’s bed. And while that is the case for a small percentage, for the vast majority, it’s SO much more than that. And even more important, for ME it’s so much more than that. It’s NEVER been just about the sex for me. So of COURSE it didn’t feel good to me to help other people do something that I didn’t even believe in myself.
• Of course, I didn’t SEE that at the time. I wasn’t far enough along in my OWN journey to have that level of self awareness.
• Warning: I’m about to get honest and vulnerable. Enter at your own risk.
• One of the things I battle is Edgar. If you’ve been listening, you might know about Edgar. He’s a big rugby player, lots of unruly red hair, kind of red-faced. Missing some teeth. Ugly as fuck, if I’m being honest with you.
• And, he’s my ego. 
• See, I OFTEN think I have things all figured out. I OFTEN think I KNOW what other people want and need. I OFTEN think that I know what they want and need, even better than they do.
• And, I’m OFTEN wrong.
• Because the one thing I’ve learned is that, I can’t expect to understand other people until I can understand myself. And I’m a hard nut to crack. Ask my husband!
• You know, I can say that now without sobbing uncontrollably in the floor. I can admit that I am a bit of a know it all, sometimes my confidence crosses the line into cocky, and when it runs unchecked I am pushy as fuck. But when that realization hit me in the face, it hit me HARD! Those were some really hard truths for me to face. Because nobody WANTS to think of themselves that way. But, I had to face that hard truth.
• And once I did, Edgar was born. I was able to see him, and understand him, and make friends with him. And I was able to understand that that ego isn’t always a BAD thing either, even when it sometimes makes me an asshole that I don't like.
• Because if I DIDN’T have that little bit of cockiness, if I didn’t believe that I knew what would help people, I never would have had the courage to start this podcast. And the truth is, I know that this podcast truly HAS helped people. I know that because people have told me. And I believe them. Words of affirmation are my love language, so those moments when people tell me that the podcast has helped them shine like a bright little sun in my heart.
• I HAD to be cocky enough at the beginning to think I had it all figured out, to be willing to take this journey, to come to the realization that I had it all wrong. Isn’t that ironic!
• Well, not ALL wrong, but wrong enough to need to change my business and podcast format.
• I HATE to be wrong, but I also love it. Because I know how much courage it takes to face being wrong, and to admit when I’m wrong. So I don’t hate being wrong nearly as much as I used to.
• So, long story short is I realized it was time to make some changes.
• And since I’ve branded myself as a confidence and LS coach, people see me as a LS coach first and foremost.
• Of course they do. It’s how I’ve branded myself. 
• And it was in alignment with who I was, and what I wanted 2 ½ years ago. But it doesn’t align so much now.
• When I had my shift, my spiritual awakening in November of 22, some things became clear to me. And one of those things was my purpose. I feel like it’s my purpose to bring the acceptance of the LS to the vanilla world. So of COURSE the Confident Swinger wasn’t in alignment with that. Here’s why:
• First and foremost, with a tagline of get out of your head and into their bed, it exemplifies what people THINK the LS is all about. It’s what the vanilla world THINKS the LS is all about. Sex. Sex sex sex. That’s why it feels cringy to me now, because i feel like I’m feeding into the stereotype, into the assumption, into the misconception, instead of the other way around. I don’t WANT the vanilla world to think the LS is just about sex, so let me build a business around helping LS people GET sex. Wah wah.
• Yeah, I see it now.
• Second, how can I bring the acceptance of the LS to the vanilla world, if I’m SPEAKING to the LS world? Hello, captain obvious. In my defense, I didn’t know that was my purpose when I started the Confident Swinger.
• Also, speaking of that, I’ve found that what works for me, and what seems to work for most people, is planting seeds and then trusting those seeds to bloom, if they are meant to bloom. It speaks of a softer approach. It’s WAY less pushy than I was before I had made friends with Edgar, and it’s come with more self trust. So, instead of my podcast being all about LS stuff, I want it to be more about regular life stuff. For me, that regular life includes work, and working on myself, and realizations I’ve had, and family and friends and money and business and passion and the lifestyle. The LS is a small part of who I am, and I want my podcast to reflect that. I don’t WANT it to be all about the LS anymore. I still want to be able to share that part, but I want to do it respectfully, so that vanilla people feel comfortable listening, feel SAFE listening, knowing that if I’m going to talk about LS stuff, I’ll warn them so they can choose to listen, or skip ahead. I want my KIDS to feel safe to listen, if they want to, without the fear of hearing things they don’t want to hear. 
• I want to build something that I am proud of sharing with everyone in my own personal world. Even work people. I don’t feel that way now, not bc I’m trying to hide it, but bc I don’t want people to feel uncomfortable. Respect is very important to me. With the change, since it won’t be primarily LS, I’ll feel more comfortable sharing it if and when it seems relevant. I’m not ashamed of the LS, that’s not what this change is about. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. I feel so comfortable with the LS that it’s just a normal part of my life. But, it’s not a normal part of THEIR life, and I want to be respectful of that, and still be able to speak to them about stuff they WANT to listen to. I hope that makes sense.
• I kind of relate it to someone being gay, and having a show or podcast sharing about their life. It’s not JUST about them being gay, it’s just about their life, and they HAPPEN to be gay. And, if people like them, they will listen and relate whether they are gay or not. But if they brand it as a “gay” show, most people who are not already gay or gay friendly are going to pass it by, because they are going to assume it’s not for them. They are going to judge the book by the cover, because of COURSE they are. It’s what we ALL do! 
• So, moving forward, yes, the LS is going to be mentioned in this podcast. But I won’t go explicit unless I title it a LS episode. Not that I usually go explicit anyway, that’s not really me. But explicit is relative. I did an episode on how to be comfortable riding his face, and I totally understand how lots of vanilla people would definitely see that as explicit. Although, that’s not really LS specific. Monogamous people ride faces, too! So how about this, if the episode is going to be more sexual or LS specific, it will be reflected in the title. That way, I can feel safe to still make content that feels important to me without feeling disrespectful, and you can feel safe to listen, knowing you can choose NOT to listen to episodes that might feel icky for you.
• Otherwise, I’m sure I’ll mention the LS in passing, but I want to do it with the lens of, would this make my kids or coworkers uncomfortable? Is this TMI? I’m not saying I won’t SHARE TMI, but I’ll be more aware of it, and warn you if it’s coming. And honestly, the fact that I script it out makes THAT so much easier. If it were live I could NOT promise that, but since it’s scripted, I feel much more confident in that.
• Of course, I was ALSO confident in knowing what LS people wanted and how to give it to them 2 ½ years ago and here we are. Moral of the story is, try to trust me but listen at your own risk bc I’m a mere mortal who clearly fucks up a lot.
• But, at the heart of the matter, at the core, is really my desire to help people. I TRULY believe in the goodness of people. I truly believe that everyone can grow and be better versions of themselves. Noone is a lost cause. It’s what makes me annoyingly optimistic.
• It just takes the right message, at the right time, said in JUST the right way, to completely change a person’s life. I know I’ve had those moments when someone said something and it TOTALLY resonated with me and changed the way I thought from that moment on. Like for me, when the pronoun changes for people who are trans or nonbinary started, I REALLY struggled with it. Not the people who wanted to change from he to she, or vice versa, I was TOTALLY cool and on board with that. The thing I REALLY struggled with was “they/them”. My brain could NOT reconcile the fact that people wanted to use a pronoun that was plural. It was a proper grammar issue in my brain, and I fought it hard core. I was kind of an asshole about it, I’m sure. I couldn’t understand. Until one day, someone said, you know, you use they/them as a singular all the time without even realizing it, when you don’t know someone’s gender. Like, if you are in an office and you need to put something on someone’s desk, but you don’t know their name or gender, you say, just put it on their desk. It’s only one person’s desk, it’s singular, but you are using their. And I was like OOOOHHHH. I get it now. It’s just a gender neutral phrase. And THAT was all it took to change the way I thought about it. My brain was happy.
• So I know that it just takes the right message, delivered in just the right now, at the right time. And I have a big enough ego to WANT to be that person that delivers the right message, at just the right time, and in just the right time. Because THAT feels fucking amazing!
• Like I said, words of affirmation are my love language, so I LIVE for those moments when someone says to me, you changed my life. I just had that this weekend from a former client, and it lights me up inside. It’s LITERALLY the best kind of high for me. So, I want to help you, because I want YOU to be able to experience that same kind of amazing high that I get, and I think that really comes when you have followed your passion, you have embraced your badassery, you wear confidence like a second skin. And I want to do that because it feels amazing for me. It’s not an either or, either I do it for you, or I do it for me. It’s a yes and. I do it for both. It’s how I practice selfation.
• So, there you have it. I’m SO excited to see where the journey takes me over the NEXT 2 ½ years, and I’m SOOOO excited to see where the journey takes YOU over the next 2 ½ years, and I hope that you’ll be so kind as to share some of that journey with me, as I’m sharing my journey with you.
• I love you sexy freaks, I’ll talk to you next time. Bye!