The Rising Beyond Podcast

Ep 211: Attachment Styles, Dating After Abuse, and Why This Isn't Your Fault

Sybil Cummin Season 1 Episode 211

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0:00 | 23:05

Attachment theory has become one of the most talked-about topics in the dating and relationship world.

You have probably heard terms like anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, secure attachment, and disorganized attachment. Maybe you've even wondered whether your attachment style played a role in your abusive relationship.

But what if attachment theory isn't about blaming yourself?

In this episode, I unpack attachment styles through a trauma-informed lens and explore how understanding your attachment patterns can support healing, self-awareness, and future relationships after abuse.

We discuss:

  • What attachment theory actually is (and what it isn't)
  • The four primary attachment styles
  • Childhood experiences that can contribute to different attachment patterns
  • Why attachment styles are adaptations, not character flaws
  • How attachment styles can influence dating and relationships
  • The role attachment may play in how we experience attention, connection, and love bombing
  • Why survivors should be cautious about using attachment theory as a form of self-blame
  • How coercive control and abusive relationships can create attachment injuries of their own
  • Why understanding yourself is often more important than trying to become an expert at spotting abusers

One of the most important takeaways from this conversation is that attachment styles do not explain why someone was abused.

Abuse happens because someone chose to abuse.

Understanding your attachment style can be incredibly helpful for healing, building self-awareness, and creating healthier relationships moving forward. But it should never be used as evidence that you caused, invited, or deserved the abuse you experienced.

If you've ever wondered how attachment theory fits into your healing journey, this episode is for you.



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