044 Advocating For Your Future Self

00:00 Everything you want in the moment has an impact on your future

03:33 The dark side of Delayed Gratification

09:16 The dark side of avoiding discomfort

11:56 Consistent practice is a key to self-knowledge, in order to be the person you want to be, you have to practice acting like that person

25:49 Treating your "personality traits" as skills rather than predetermined states

33:53 Self-acceptance and a desire for change CAN co-exist

41:00 The Sunscreen Song (Trust me, listen to the whole thing)

41:53 We get to decide what value we put on our future

44:48 Only practice delayed gratification when it's helping you become the person you want to be, your work for tomorrow can be enjoyable today

58:38 Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear "Every action you take is a vote for who you want to be in the future"

01:01:17 Instead of working toward a specific goal, focus on changing your identity - become the person who lives the life you want (Read how here)

01:07:11 Traditions can be powerful - be sure to assess their value to you

01:08:38 The End Of History Fallacy

Couples - Proven Fitness & Intimacy Practices To Achieve Your Health and Relationship Goals Together!
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Transcript

Tali: 0:56

I am Tali Zabari. Hi, I'm

Cody: 0:58

Cody Limbaugh. Welcome

Tali: 0:59

to the Live All Your Life podcast.

Cody: 1:24

We're just jumping

1:24

in.

Tali: 1:25

Yes, we are. On a school night. On a

Cody: 1:28

school night, right? Yeah, because we did not get it done on the

Tali: 1:31

weekend. No. This weekend was really full, but really awesome. Don't you think? We got a lot done. We got a lot done. Had a lot of fun. And it's my last three day weekend for a while, so I feel like we really made the most of

Cody: 1:47

it. Yep. Got out on the

Tali: 1:48

motorcycle. Yes. Oh, that was so amazing. It's good. Yeah.

Cody: 1:53

Good to see the sun

Tali: 1:54

again. Good to see the sun and like be out in it and not like shutter at the idea of being outside, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of wild that I am saying that because I'm not really an outdoorsy person, but who knows? Maybe I'm becoming one and this is just what it feels

Cody: 2:13

like. But every time we work outside you're like, ah, I felt so good to be outside.

Tali: 2:17

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I always feel immediately relaxed. Mm-hmm. Being outside. So that's something.

Cody: 2:28

Yep. Yeah. You wanna introduce today's topic?

Tali: 2:31

Yeah. So this is another topic that came up during a coaching call that we had with some clients this week, or maybe it was a couple weeks ago. But what I've been doing when we have coaching calls is, you know, I always take notes, minutes, however you wanna call it, and I highlight kind of these big ideas that come up that I think are really universal or just interesting or opportunities where you and I can maybe develop more content around because there's so much that happens in coaching that I'd considered nuances and they don't necessarily like make it to the table to talk about all the time with our clients. Mm-hmm. But all those dynamics are happening and I think that that's kind of how the philosophy of fitness came to be. And it's. I think it's really intriguing for folks who are, you know, in it as deeply as we are, or who wanna be in it as deeply as we are, where this is just the, the world we live in and the way that we interact with other people. And so the idea that we're looking at today is comparing what we're wanting in the moment to what we're wanting long term for ourselves. And as coaches, we're constantly supporting folks to lean into who they want to be in the future. And a lot of times that requires making very different choices in the meantime. So yeah, that's on the docket. Yeah.

Cody: 4:13

So there's some buzz phrases I'm gonna just spit out here. Okay. And we'll get into'em a little deeper. But delayed gratification is sort of a. Gist of what we're talking about here, but there's also a term called time preference, and I think that's probably originates from economic theories. Okay. But I'll get into that a little bit. I think just to start right into it, the idea of delayed gratification is, I think, looked at as a virtue and there's a value system placed on it. And I want to try to unpack that a little bit today because I have written about this pretty extensively, like over and over again on several blogs over the years and in my book and everything about how delayed gratification can be a type of a trap where you find yourself stuck in a future that may or may not ever happen. Mm-hmm. And sometimes

Tali: 5:11

it's very outcome

Cody: 5:12

oriented. Yeah. And it's, yeah. And. I think it's a very, it's a tool and I think it's a valuable tool, but just like a scalpel, you gotta be careful how you use it because you could just slice and dice all kinds of things. You don't mean to with delayed gratification. So I'll just start with like a negative aspect of it be because I do think it's, like I said, a valuable tool, but I just want to paint a picture for people who may not know me or much about my history, which is getting to be a longer history these days every day. There was a time when I had some pretty like, audacious business goals and so I was I don't mean to like sound like a, I'm self martyr situation, but I was in a situation where I had young kids at home, so I was working three jobs to try to pay the bills and when I wasn't working, I was really focused on trying to make these business. Projects happen. And so I was reading books on leadership. I was going to seminars. I was listening to recorded seminars like every day, every day I was doing these things and trying to find prospects and sell products and these kind of things to try to build a business. And the assumption I was working on is this, this idea that a delayed gratification is a moral imperative for, you know, like to be a good person, you need to learn how to like, put your immediate desires on hold in order for a better future, for your family, for you, for the things that you want in life. And,

Tali: 6:58

and that was also a theme in your personal life too. Maybe not just professional, but wouldn't you say that that's something that's talked about a lot in the religious community?

Cody: 7:10

I would say so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean that was all kind of intertwined cuz a lot of the business mentorship I was getting at the time was sort of a modern Christian based, it's kind of hard to describe what that is, but it's very disparity minded. Yeah. Kind of Americanized Christian, I guess you could say. So there was nothing necessarily wrong in any of that. But to paint a picture for people is that I spent my entire twenties and most of my thirties in that mode. So not only did I kind of miss out on my twenties or whatever you wanna call the, you know, these little passages and phases of life that you get, but I also feel like I missed out on my kids as my kids like raising my kids. I feel like I was a bit of an absentee father in some ways because I was so focused on trying to create a better future for them. You know, like I was, it was a lot of, it was out of love. But I I was so obsessed that even when we would take a break and do something fun as a family, we'd go to the arcade or get ice cream or go to the beach or whatever. My head was somewhere else. I was always thinking about my current failure situation and improving it for the future. And that sense of like constantly trying to delay gratification for a better outcome of the future, sort of stripped about 20 years of my life from me in a way. And so I, I'm kind of leading with that because I want people to understand that this isn't me just like trying to be counter, what, what is it? Counterculture or like edgy or anything. And like delayed gratification is not always good. It's like it's, this is a lived experience. Like I've really seen the ugly side of this mantra that delayed gratification is always of virtue. So I, I do wanna get back to the idea that it is a valuable tool and maybe we can unpack a little bit of how to use it, but I just want to put that right out in front so that people get a little bit of perspective from where I'm coming from when I have a little bit of pushback on it being placed as a character value, if you will.

Tali: 9:29

Mm-hmm. Well, everything I, that comes up in this podcast, there's a spectrum, right? There are gonna be extremes and faults in both camps. Mm-hmm. And you know, to. I as someone who lives with you and is married to you, you are a very future oriented person. Mm-hmm. In general.

Cody: 9:53

Yeah. I tend to naturally be that way. I've always been that way. Yeah.

Tali: 9:57

Mm-hmm. And in the way that this originally came up, like with clients is, you know, we're trying to make changes in their lives in favor of who they want to be mm-hmm. Or where they want to go, which is noting that they are not there right now. And so we're actually encouraging this way of thinking as opposed to discouraging it because, you know, the opposite side of that spectrum is like constantly feeding every desire and that can make you. Kind of spoiled, you know, and it also can make anything that takes effort or work or delayed gratification, whatever, as something that's not of interest to you because mm-hmm. It's so foreign to that idea of like, trying to make ourselves as comfortable as possible. And I think living in a world of convenience or at a time where we can really do that it's really a detriment. Like it's wild to think, you know, I talk all the time about how crazy it is that, you know, three years can fly by and seemingly undo all of this work that I've done physically. Mm-hmm. And just to think about how that begins with a mindset of, oh, I'll just, you know, put that off for now. Or, you know, I deserve to take time off. I've worked so hard all this time. So I think it's important to recognize that yes, there are multiple ways to look at this and there definitely is a spectrum to respect. And as always, like trying to have moderation and to be able to experience both as ideal. And I think what I've come to find from this podcast that continuously comes up is I'm hoping that we not only practice, but develop ways to have this sensitivity with ourselves so that we can keep these things in mind and not slip off the radar, off the track. And, you know, wonder why, you know, to be able to catch those moments where we've deviated from where we're trying to go and be able to correct that path. And I really think that takes a lot of self-knowledge and kind of a heightened awareness of. When we are leaning too far in one way or the other. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Cody: 12:37

We've talked quite a lot about this podcast about consistent practices and I think that's a fantastic tool for self-knowledge, like you said. Yeah. Because if you're practicing something consistently daily, it's part of your life. You learn a lot about yourself in the process of having these consistencies. And one of those things may be that you don't like the consistency of what you're doing. Totally. You know, it may be cause

Tali: 13:03

you gotta try it on, right know.

Cody: 13:05

Yeah. Yeah. So I, I really love the concept of, you know, if you have a vision for the type of person you want to be even if it's just a specific outcome, you have to ask yourself like, what would somebody else, what would somebody do? Who is that thing that you want to be? And it is funny cuz this actually came up in one of my sales courses that I'm that our mentors passed down to me that I'm reading through and it's It's kind of a question designed to get people off the fence in a buying decision. But what I love about these ideas in the marketing and in the sales process of what we're doing for our company is that it's very ethical because it's, it's like you're coaching on the spot. Like you're really helping this person make a quality decision, because I wouldn't want a client working with us that we couldn't help effectively. You know, that's absolutely, that's not my point of being a coach is to my point of being a coach is to change people's lives for the better. But sometimes when people are in a, in a buying decision, it's like, well, I'm not sure there's the money, there's the time. There's, I need to ask my spouse. I'm not. I'm just I think I need to think about it. And it's like, well, here's the thing is like, you want to be someone who's fit and energetic and really. Close with your partner. And so for our Fit Together program, you know, we're, we're doing like couples fitness and intimacy practices and if y you are thinking about it and waffling, is that how somebody would act who is really fit and dialed in and, and working on personal development and communication skills with their partner and intentional intimacy and you don't miss workouts and you're eating well. Like the type of person who is fit and has. A great balance in their relationship is not the same type of person who waffles over the decision. Great. Whether to get a coach or not.

Tali: 15:04

Yeah. I actually really like the way that you're phrasing this because I definitely wrote a note about having a vision for yourself and who that person is at the end of this line that we're creating. And I have always thought about it a little bit differently. Like, rather than the qualities, I've always kind of imagined the details of my life, what I look like, where I live, what I'm doing with my time. And I've always kind of like had a lot of pushback thinking about it because I don't wanna like set an expectation and feel like stuck to a certain track to make it happen. Mm-hmm. Because over manipulating my life has always been something I've been really thoughtful about. I love when life. Takes you, surprises you. Yeah. Surprises you and like takes you on a journey and like crazy shit happens. And I wanna be able to lean into that if it comes you know, you are definitely a part of that. I never thought I would be married.

Cody: 16:04

I never thought I would be remarried. Yeah. Especially so soon. Yeah. After I was previously married. Yeah.

Tali: 16:10

And that was a whole different value system that I had to create in order to lean into that, you know, that was just leaning into things that felt right and felt good for me at the time. And I like that you are thinking about this vision of ourself in these qualities or in these actions. Like a person who is healthy would happily pull the trigger on something that would benefit them. Like for instance, my mom has kind of instilled in me this idea that like, if it's for your health or for your. Knowledge whether it's self knowledge or whatever. Mm-hmm. It doesn't matter what it costs, like it's always a yes. If it's a book, it's always a yes. You know, it's easy, you know, it's important to structure your financial life and to, you know, make good decisions and investments. And she's created this idea that if it's for your wellbeing and your ability to grow, then it's always a good idea to pull the trigger. And it seems like it's applying kind of the same idea here, where you're creating a value system for yourself that maybe you haven't been appealing to yet. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But the person that you're trying to become, what kinds of decisions would they be making? So yeah, I think that's really cool that that's come up because that's really important to point out. Yeah. I think it's really easy. To feel like you're stuck or at the mercy of who you are sometimes. And forget that there's so much pliability, like moment to moment. Yeah. I really have been feeling that lately. Yeah. Which is invigorating. It's such an incredible feeling to know that I have choices rolling in all the time mm-hmm. And that I can always advocate differently for myself. Yeah. And I think we forget about that really easily.

Cody: 18:14

Oh yeah. And it's a skill, there's a concept of that we've discussed again before called Brain Plasticity. Mm-hmm. And I think people are becoming a much more aware, oh, maybe just my world. I don't know. I listen to a lot of podcasts on this kind of thing. But for those of you who might not know, your brain sort of goes through developmental phases when you're a kid where it's highly plastic and it's the sort of the term that they use for malleable, if you will, where. You're taking on new skills at a rapid pace, and the structure of your brain actually changes. Like this is a physical change when you take on a lot of new skills, information, et cetera. And for a long time they thought that that was develop developmental phases. And then once you're in your mid twenties, that's it, you know, comes to screeching halts, you're kinda like who you are, who you are. And what they found is that in a natural sense, it does slow down in adults. It's not the same type of plasticity. Well, it's like exercise. You're just working against more at that point. Mm-hmm. But what they've learned in recent decades, I think at this point it's, it's not that cutting edge, but it's something that's still, it's interesting how science and, and medical communities sort of, there's always this cutting edge, new information, but there's still people out there practitioning, you know, doctors or whatever, who. Graduated 20 years ago, and they're just kind of like in that same mindset that there is no plasticity. But what they found is that neuroplasticity can be sort of the plasticity of plasticity. In other words, oh my gosh, your ability to change can increase by practicing change. Sure. So learning new things, going different ways to work, you know, like getting a different job. You know, like making changes in your life actually causes your brain to start to develop more plasticity and you can develop that as a skill. So when I hear people say, well, this is just the way I am. Somebody said that on a show you were watching last night, and I cringed. I just like, ugh. Cuz it

Tali: 20:21

was, it was an episode of M T V, true Life on Anger management. Yeah. People who were candidates for anger management and Yeah. Growing up as a kid that was like never, you were never allowed to say something like, that's just the way I am. Yeah. It was like, sorry, bullshit. That's like not a real response. Yeah. But you hear it a lot.

Cody: 20:46

Yeah. And you hear it like, it's just my personality and it's, well, your personality sucks, but you didn't change it.

Tali: 20:51

Would you like to continue to suck?

Cody: 20:55

And I think part of where this came from, I mean, there's always been an argument for probably as far back as philosophy itself goes, which is determinism or free will and what's what. And the thing is, is it's kind of a funny argument because whether you can have a good debate and make logical reasons for why. We live in a deterministic universe and there is no such thing as free will or whether you believe that there is such thing as free will and make a compelling argument there. The funny thing is either way you have to act as if there's free will because there's no, what's the alternative? The alternative is to you just fucking lay there. A mindless Yeah, like drone going about your day and being basically determined to never change anything except what comes your way. You know? Forrest Gump was a fun movie, but it's not real life. Like people don't have these wild experiences by just sort of stumbling into shit for 50 years. You know?

Tali: 21:55

I mean, you can stumble into some things, but maybe, maybe not all of those things in one lifetime. This is, speaking of movies is just feeling very timely considering what our theme this was this weekend for movies. Yeah. The Makes the Matrix trilogy plus one. What would you call that? I don't know, the

Cody: 22:16

Matrix Quad Trilogy. I don't know.

Tali: 22:20

I'm gonna guess that's not it. But yes, we've been watching the Matrix and the idea of free will comes up quite a bit. That's for sure. Yeah. I'm just gonna put it out there. Sorry to sidebar. I really think the first one is worth watching and then you can leave all the rest.

Cody: 22:38

So far I'm still of the same opinion. I thought, excuse me. I thought that when they first came out, like some of the special effects and everything were at cool, but it was like, well, the first one was just so much better. We are only halfway through the fourth one, though, the newer one. And I am intrigued. I think it's interesting so far. But I don't know where it's going. Philosophically.

Tali: 23:02

Sometimes I just wish like a masterpiece could just stand alone. Yeah. Like just end it there. It was fucking great. And then, you know, I was just telling my sister on the way home that like she was telling me that she's watching Ms. Maisel finally and she's loving it and she's actually on the season that we bailed out on eventually. And I told her that the reason I felt like I had to bail out is that all the charm that made me really love the show seemed to become formulaic to a point where it felt really corny and really forced. Mm-hmm. And I would say that that tends to be kind of my issue with any kind of like movie series, television series, is I just feel like they overstay their welcome sometimes. Mm-hmm. Where it becomes something less than. And so that's how I feel about. The Matrix series is that the first one is just so spectacularly done mm-hmm. In so many different ways. Like it was such a simple, well done, well produced movie idea, whatever. And then it just feels like they just kept like recycling the same things. Especially in this fourth movie. They're like flashing back to all this footage of the first one. Yeah. Like they are literally pulling from the, the mother, the original, whatever you want to call it. It feels like super lazy filmmaking

Cody: 24:32

to me. You, well we haven't seen the whole thing yet, so I'm gonna reserve judgment cuz we're literally halfway through and we had to bail to go to bed on time. Sounds tired. But yeah, I think Breaking Bad is like one of these, that's one reason I love that show is I think it did not. Do what you're talking about. It didn't overstate, its like they took it a full circle, poetic ending, like fucking masterpiece. Like that, that whole series was, it wasn't just milking a story for milkings sake.

Tali: 24:57

So you know how in, well it's in all of the movies, but in the original movie when Neo and Morpheus are in the kung fu training simulation mm-hmm. Yeah. Or program and, you know, more vs is like trying to push him further and further and he like takes this stance and kind of like waves him in. Mm-hmm. How many more times did that happen? How many more fucking times did that happen? Yeah, I know In the other three movies, ah, it totally cheapens something That was so brilliant. Yeah.

Cody: 25:33

Yeah. I get it. I get it. And for those of you who have seen the movie, and it's been a long time, Rewatch the Matrix, the first one. It's incredible that that movie is 20 years old. I mean, you would never guess the special effects were cutting edge at the time, and like everyone was talking about it, of course. But you would kind of expect that even though it was such an amazing feat of, of imagery, you kind of expect it to age. And 20 years later, that movie is still spectacular. Mm-hmm. I mean, every shot, every angle, the coloring, the, the. The special effects. I mean, man is just a great movie.

Tali: 26:15

I think we should finish this series by watching the first one again, just bookend it. You said

Cody: 26:22

the fourth one's already redundant and flashbacks, so you are kind of watching the first one.

Tali: 26:26

This is true. It's just, yeah, not a fan. Sorry.

Cody: 26:30

It's okay. We were talking about free will right. But I think the point I was trying to make there is not to get into a free will determinism debate, but rather I, I love to play a game. With myself and the concept of skill acquisition, because I grew up kind of under this assumption. I don't know where this came from, that you have personality traits. Oh, I think I, where I was going with this was you know, once DNA was discovered and then studied more and more and it's like, oh, we, you have brown eyes because of this particular gene right there. Like, we've isolated, we've figured this out where you have all these physical traits and psychological traits that are inherent to people who have this particular gene. And I think this locked a lot of people into a mindset of, well, you, you are born with certain traits.

Tali: 27:26

Well, I'm gonna just also remind you that there are other narratives that speak to this, that, like, for one, that you find to be bullshit, but like, think about how many people subscribe to astrology. Yeah. I mean, I would say I even do to a. Like in a mild

Cody: 27:44

form, same kind of thing. And like, well that's why I have brought up the whole free will determinism thing cuz this, this is an age old question for a long, long, long time. But I think that discovering the genes kind of made people feel like they had some rational scientific backing to say, oh, I am this the way I am cuz that's how my parents were and that kind of thing. But they're failing to take into account of the, the, a large, to a large degree, the way your genes are expressed has to do with epigenetics, which is your sort of living adaptation to how your genes function. So yes, you may be pre predisposed to being more optimistic or less optimistic, but that does not mean that you cannot change the spectrum of where you are on, you know, In that realm mm-hmm. Toward a more positive outlook. But it takes practice.

Tali: 28:39

Yes. There is lots of possibility.

Cody: 28:42

And so I love to play the game of trying to find traits that I want to inherit or that I kind of wish I had as an inherent, you know, quality. And see, okay, can this be practiced as a skill? And I believe that most of your personality can be practiced as a skill. You can change, you can change who you are. Oh yeah. I mean, you really can change who it may take a while. And some people may have rapid water that they have to swim upstream, you know, to get there. But we all have this ability to develop more plasticity in our brain and in, in our body. I mean, that's the whole point of working out. Right. Well,

Tali: 29:24

and the, and the motivation has to be really potent, you know? I think about. Honesty as a trait that I have now. But I was a very dishonest person for a very long time. And you know, I know I've explained this in many other episodes as to the reasons why. And I, I would say that all those reasons were super valid at the time. But I didn't, the consequence of that, I did not want anymore. And there was a certain kind of relationship that I wanted with a partner, and that required honesty. And so I just had to like buck up and do it, you know? And I would say that now when I ever find myself like. Maybe being perceived as dishonest or there's like any potential for dishonesty. It makes me very uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. It's really wild how that has really changed like to a cellular level to where my like stress and worry and all that kind of stuff is now kicking in, in a very different way for different reasons, you know? Yeah. So it's definitely possible, but the, the reasoning or the, the motivation behind it, I think has to be really meaningful mm-hmm. For those things to change. And sure, you can make any kinds of changes, but I think for the kind of coaching that you and I do, You know, there's some times where I'm like, gosh, we're like really asking a lot of people to like mm-hmm. Change their lives. Fuck. That's a really tall order to change the way you eat and to tr and to become a person who craves movement mm-hmm. Feels off or bad when they're not doing that. I, I've come to find that what, as practitioners kind of flying solo, you and I, it feels a lot harder than when I was working in gyms, right. Because the hard part was already done. The people were in the gym and I just had to coach them. Yeah. Finding people, convincing them, selling, all that kind of stuff. Like obviously people are coming to us who want those things. Mm-hmm. But it's different than having a brick and mortar with like, you know, a sign that's a gym. I don't, it's, it's just opened my eyes to. How lofty changing your life can be. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not a reason to, you know, I'm not trying to deter anybody of course. But you know, advocating for yourself for a part of yourself that might not exist yet can be tough to buy into, I

Cody: 32:21

think. Yeah. It's interesting how daunting it seems if you don't have a current lifestyle of health, fitness, personal development, whatever it is. Because once you learn to swim in those waters, it's not, it's not that big a deal, you know? But it takes practice and it's something I'm becoming more and more passionate about all the time because I just, it kind of hurts me to see how shitty everybody's health is. Like if you look around, it's like, You know, we've seen in the last year or two that the lifespan in this country has gone backwards for the first time in like 150 years or something like that. Wow. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. And people can talk about, you know, covid or vaccines or whatever, this and that, but the, there's undeniable evidence everywhere you look, you know, we are an overweight culture and an under moved culture. We don't, we don't move our bodies. And a lot of people scoff at workouts as if like, well that's just gym rats. That's just like a certain subset of people who just like that kind of thing. And, you know, it's a hobby, it's an option, you know, that kind of thing. And I'm, you know, there was a time in our evolution where we did not have cars when we didn't have food available all the time. And high calorie foods too. I mean, like a Big Mac has something like 750 calories in it. So even like a homeless person who's begging for change has access to more calories than our ancestors did a couple thousand years ago. You know, that's nuts to think about. And so to think that working out or or being intentional with the things that you eat is optional. It's not optional. If you want to be healthy,

Tali: 34:20

and it's, we talked about this recently, I'm not sure why. It came up maybe, maybe it was in the podcast, but we talked about how health is not inherent anymore. Or maybe it never was, but it definitely is not now. Mm-hmm.

Cody: 34:34

And people like to healthy, to look at people Healthy is effort. Yeah. And people sometimes will make justifications like, well, yeah, but back in the paleo days, the average lifespan was 45 or whatever. Let me just dispel this myth right now. People back in nap, paleo days did live to be seventies, eighties, et cetera. But the reason that the average lifespan was 45 is that infant mortality was through the roof. People would have like 10 babies. In their lifetime, and seven of them would die by the age of two. You know? Right. And so that cuts down your average lifespan a lot when you're talking about that. Now, if you talk about people who actually made it like past puberty and into adulthood, their lifespan was not a lot different than ours now. So this idea that somehow our current lifestyle is serving us well, we learned how to wash our hands and that saved a lot of lives. We have antibiotics that saved a lot of lives. And then we have some minor, well, some major technologies with minor influence on lifespan. But we're also talking about quality of life here. I mean, if you are in your thirties or forties and you. Are having a hard time tying your shoes or you have joint pain or you're winded if you, if the escalators broke in the mall and you have to go up the stair, you know, like if these sort of like minor challenges come your way and you notice like a physical response from'em, that's a very, very, very deep signal of something very, very wrong and you're gonna pay a horrible price for it. And so I, I don't mean to, you know, there's this idea today in our culture of like slapping a label on anything that's critical of someone who's overweight as being fat shaming. And I really, really have to push back on this as a coach because we cannot glorify being unhealthy. So, You know, anyone of any weight, in any size and any circumstance is, can be beautiful. They can be worthy of love and respect and admiration. In many ways, they're valuable as a person. I'm not trying to diminish any of that, but to say that it's healthy is just fucking wrong. And we have to be able to say both things at the same time. You know, you can be you can be overweight and beautiful and a lovely person in every way. Yeah. But that does not mean it's healthy. And you have to wrap your head around the fact that we need to start taking responsibility for our own health. Well, the, you know, the government isn't gonna regulate things to make you healthy. Like it's not gonna happen.

Tali: 37:28

Definitely not. And we've also heard this before too, where there's Almost some like internal conflict with wanting to change ourselves and having some bad feelings around that. Like, oh, why can't I accept myself for where I am? Yeah. And I feel like for all the reasons that you mentioned, like that's a really important moment to just like full stop, be like, it's okay to wanna be somewhere else. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It really is. Yeah. You're not like,

Cody: 38:01

I mean, yeah. I, I tried to find this balance in my book when I was writing it by encouraging people to develop. Again, this is like an example of a skill. Some people feel like they have a lot to be grateful for and other people don't. Being grateful is a state of mind that you can develop, so you can look for the smallest of things to develop gratitude. And I really think that that helps to ground you in the present and. Live a generally just more satisfying life, like looking at the world through the lens of gratitude. Yeah. But that does not mean that you can't have any desire for any improvement anywhere. Yeah. You know, I think that it's, it's weird that we, this is a weird human trait to try to categorize everything and these things are not diametrically opposed to each other. You can actually be grateful and content, even I can use the word content and still desire something. Buddha might disagree with me, but I'm just saying, I know that you can actually have both of those at the same time. But you might focus in different realms for it, you know? Yeah. I mean, I'm, I've been writing a lot in my, you know, gratitude journal every day for my current health, because I haven't been sick much for, I mean, since we got Covid last year. I don't

Tali: 39:28

think I was sick. That was almost a year ago. That was July.

Cody: 39:31

And I don't think I was sick for like a year or two before that either. Right. Like I, I hardly ever get sick anymore. And I used, I was a sickly kid. I missed, I missed so much school. People thought I'd moved away. I'm like, show up again. They're like, you still live here? But I and yeah. That's hilarious. I was holding school before it was cool, but it was actually teachers sending work home because I was missing so much. Oh, babe. Yeah. And, and so I'm constantly writing in my journal about how grateful I am for my current state of health and I train every day to try to get better. Yeah, you still, like, you can do both.

Tali: 40:06

Talk about where you wanna be and that's not where you currently are and that's okay. It's totally okay. And keeping that person in mind is what this is all about. It's not, it's kind of like what we talked about last week where we're trying to like lean into this abundant. Mindset. Mm-hmm. Where check out last episode for those of you listening Yeah. Where we're opening ourselves to, to possibility. And I think that that's the same when we're thinking about our future selves too. It's, there's something that seems very narrow about, it's interesting. Well, there's something narrow about just presence. Yeah. You know, we were talking about how future oriented you are. I, I don't know. I don't, I might be a little bit more past oriented if I had to think about where I sit on the spectrum. Mm-hmm. But there is something that's kind of oddly problematic about just being present oriented. Mm-hmm. Because you might not be making decisions that are in your best interest later. And that's something that you have to kind of think about theoretically, because we're not there yet. We also only know what it's like to age once we're looking back. Right. You know, I am constantly. Surprised by the way I feel in my own body. Like remembering like only five years ago that, you know, I didn't have pain moving in certain ways or it's just, it's just weird. Like it's something that we take for granted really easily. Mm-hmm. And knowing that the older we get, the more there is gonna be naturally pushing against us and knowing that like, that fight has to continue. Mm-hmm. And, and if we don't, then it will take us over. It totally

Cody: 41:58

will. Reminded me of the sunscreen song again, Uhhuh,

Tali: 42:01

because he says, I'd like to listen to that again. Yeah, he can you

Cody: 42:04

link to it? Yeah, I will. Definitely. He says something along the lines of be grateful for your body because someday you'll look back and. And marvel at how young and beautiful you were, you know, regardless of how you feel about

Tali: 42:21

yourself today. Oh, totally. I look back on photos of myself being like, God, I was so critical of myself then. Like, why was I I living? I should have been so stoked Yeah. To be where I was. And it's tricky because that scarcity mindset that we talked about last week, I, I mentioned in the podcast and maybe also in the newsletter, that always feeling like I'm chasing a life I don't have can feel exhausting sometimes, but I think that's the same thing that we're talking about today, just with a very different attitude behind it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's the marvelous thing is like we can look at the same mechanism, the same dynamic, the same trajectory, and. Change the value of it. That's what's amazing about being human, is that we have that choice and we have the opportunity to change the narrative and how we're thinking about it. And this time we're just taking a really optimistic approach about being future oriented as opposed to what you mentioned in the beginning. Mm-hmm. And how detrimental that could be. But as coaches, this is what we're asking of our clients is like, think about where you're wanting to go. Mm-hmm. And it's kind of funny to think about that now because I remember when I was on a weightlifting team, we used to have a board up that had like three month goal, six month goal year goals, and everybody followed the assignment and I didn't, cuz I'm not very future oriented. I've always. Kind of loved my impulsivity and my flying by the seat of my pants and like not being a planner. I always thought that that was a, a good quality of mine. And so when this board went up, I, I wrote like on the three month like lift heavy. And then on the sixth month I wrote lift heavier. And then for a year I wrote heaviest. And my coach was so pissed at me cuz he thought that I was just like, you know, scoffing and like yeah. Throwing my middle fingers up to like his assignment or whatever. But it was like, no, I just really don't think about that because I don't wanna lock myself into anything to be and potentially Disap be disappointed. Yeah. However, or restrict yourself or restrict myself, however, This was at a point in my life where I hadn't really dedicated myself to much and didn't really see the beauty of what it meant to put in hard work and to see that you could achieve any fucking thing if you really put in the time and the love that it takes. And

Cody: 45:12

I like that you said time and love, not time and work.

Tali: 45:16

No, I think it's the love because that's what propels the effort. Mm-hmm. I think you have to love something enough to do it, otherwise, I don't think you'll have the same effect. Yeah.

Cody: 45:29

This is a concept that I really like to bring up is that the delayed gratification and self-discipline and those kind of things. I realize that sometimes building a, a building requires you to just lay some brick and it may not be the fun part, you know, but At the same time, you have to ask yourself, like, if you're hating the work that's, that you're doing to try to get to a goal, then do you really want that goal? Like, if you're hating every step of the way, yeah, you're becoming that person that you, you're hating the work. You know, measuring

Tali: 46:02

the resistance is really important for sure. And you know, I don't think I would be able to have this conversation with you now and have the perspective that I have if it wasn't for that time in weightlifting to know that I could see a future for myself that I really wanted and I was willing to do it. But that's a

Cody: 46:25

great example because you were at a highly competitive level, but you enjoyed the training, you enjoyed the team, you enjoyed the culture, you enjoyed a lot of aspects of the training. Mainly not everything, but you know, The whole point,

Tali: 46:41

I'd say anytime I was doing jerks, I was not having fun.

Cody: 46:45

Yeah. But that's a lot of the time. But that's a part of the whole, right? Yes. But as a whole, if you step back, you look, you enjoyed the experience of the growth. And that's, I think, a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Like if you, if you want to author a book, but you hate writing, there's a fucking problem. Like Yeah, I understand resistance and, and what do they call imposter syndrome. Mm. And those kind of things that come up and you might need to like unfuck yourself and just like get a, get a practice going. But yeah, you, I, I think, I think part of the trap that I fell into that I was describing earlier in the podcast where I was sort of missed out on about 20 years of my life, I was doing work that I did not like. Mm-hmm. Because I thought it was gonna get me a result that I. It would sort of be like a means to an end situation. Yeah. And because I didn't like the work, it was a slog the whole time and I wasn't successful at it. And that's why I never really achieved the things that I was, you know, putting everything on the back burner to achieve. I didn't, I never got there because I hated the fucking work the whole time. Yeah. I was trying to be somebody I didn't wanna be, basically, is what it comes down to. So. Well, there's so many issue. I think there's an alignment issue that it needs to be taken into consideration with this whole, like delayed gratification thing.

Tali: 48:10

Well, there are a lot of, it's a very complex thing. It's not just, you can't just like chalk it up to like one. Element. You know, you have to think about the, the medium in which you're working, the amount that you're working, the kind of support that you have. Are your needs being met? I'm assuming a lot of those were not in place mm-hmm. At the time. Mm-hmm. And that really makes it not an enjoyable thing. And I have to say that, you know, I've had a struggle with advocating for my future self as I feel kind of aimless at this point. I feel like I'm getting glimpses now of where I might like my life to be in the next few years. As a weightlifter, that was always very clear to me there. I wanted to really just compete at the highest level that I could. And so I would take every opportunity to climb that next rung, but just trying to be fit. And in good shape for life and like not anything specific, that lack of context has made it very hard for me to dial in. Who is that vision? Like what is that vision? What am I working for? And so I think that that might be something that our clients might be pushing up against too, because it's easy to be incredibly regimented when there's a very clear objective. Mm-hmm. I think when it's not, or maybe that's specific to me, it's so nebulous, it doesn't really have much to take shape from or to gain traction on when it's just kind of like, I'd like to be healthier. Like, that's so, that's so much of a spectrum and like that from where I've been in the last three years. Mm-hmm. Literally doing anything was up, you know, any, you know, doing anything was a step up from where I was. Yeah. Well I know it wasn't that bad. Well that's where, but it was pretty bad considering where I just was. Yeah. It felt like a pretty big tank, but my vantage point was higher isn't, was higher than it was, you know, 10 years ago. Sure. Yeah. It's probably longer now. I've just been saying 10 years for a while. I'm getting

Cody: 50:34

older. 12, I think. 14. Yeah. You know, I think that's where building a vision comes in. You have to, and this is something a, another skill that can be developed is to be a person of vision.

Tali: 50:47

You're big on that.

Cody: 50:48

Yeah. Well it's part of your journal, isn't it? And it's something, yeah. Something that I practice as, as a journal prompt, is to write out a vision for my future every morning. And it's not the same every morning because it evolves as I evolve, but it becomes clearer, you know, going back to this whole, you know, know thy self. If you can know thy self easier if you have consistency in your practices because you have some metrics to go off of. And that's how we have

Tali: 51:15

a whole episode on metrics too. Yes, we do.

Cody: 51:18

And building a vision is also a skill. You know, I know some people like. They have a hard time picturing, well, what does that look like?

Tali: 51:27

Well, that's what I was saying about that whole thing at the gym. Mm-hmm. It was like I just couldn't really take myself

Cody: 51:31

there. Yeah. So I read out very specifically like, I wanna be, you know, agile and strong and be able to move without feeling joint pain. And do, you know, I want to do these kinds of things. I want to be able to hike or go fishing or hunting, or I want to be able to travel long distances without, you know, getting off of a plane and holding onto my back because my back hurts cuz I was sitting too, you know, like all these things that kind of feel like they're beating the hell out of you. It's like, I wanna be resilient enough that. Those experiences are good and that I am capable. And so you can start to develop a vision that doesn't seem so goal-oriented, quote, you know, in quotes, like specific to winning a competition or being a certain weight. Like I don't give a shit how much I weigh honestly, but I want to be lean and agile and I wanna be able to do things without feeling like my energy's tanking. Yeah. Like energy's a big deal for me.

Tali: 52:35

Well, that's an important feature. I think you just in terms of like shifting your mindset, we see all the time that folks are really fixed on weight. Oh yeah. Myself included. You know, those numbers mean things to us even though it's really not the whole picture. And. It's, it's, it's not the right focus, cuz I've only seen it be a detriment when people are so fixed on a number. It's like everything else, everything, you know, everything that's been suggested to you just like, goes out the window because you're so fixed and obsessed with a number where if you lead from where you wanna fe like how you wanna feel mm-hmm.

Cody: 53:18

Or what you wanna be able to do. One of the, one of the things I love about CrossFit, there's like, of course there's ups and downs and I'm not like CrossFit zealot or preaching to anybody here, but one of the things I loved about that culture is the emphasis on function. And so your metrics that you were measuring constantly was your ability to perform. In a lot of different arenas. So maybe you didn't get faster, but you did heavier weight. Maybe you aren't getting stronger, but you went further. You know, like there's so many different metrics to take hold of to show that you're becoming more functional and just more capable person. Oh yeah. I mean that's what the, that means, and I think people forget that when you do a workout, that's a timed workout for a certain number of reps and a certain quality of reps thank you. Within that time. And you compare that to doing the same workout four months later and you improve your time, there's like, oh, high fives i p r my time. I got a better time. I gotta, you know, cool. And then they kind of go home and it's forgotten. People don't realize that you just became a more functional human being. You are more capable. In your body to do things that you couldn't do four months ago. That's fucking huge. That's not a score on the board that you, you know, give high fives about and then forget about. That's, that's a, you just changed your life. Like that's, you just improved your whole ability to live your life. Well that's probably

Tali: 54:51

indicative of a deeper issue and that's what's really great about coaches is that they'll point those things out cuz you see that evolution, you're not so close to it, that you don't recognize it. And I think that that might just be something about us as well, that, you know, we're in our bodies day after day after day, and so it might take something like being able to tie your shoes or whatever. Mm-hmm. To be like, oh, this is a mounting to something. Yeah.

Cody: 55:24

Yeah. I mean, another good motivating factor is to look at older folks in the world. And I, the longer, the longer people live, the more it's, it's almost like you have two ships traveling the same direction in the ocean, but they're off by one degree in of an angle from each other. And so in the first mile, they look like they're just side by side parallel and then 500 miles later you can't see the other ship. It's over the horizon cuz they're so far apart from each other. And that's how I see aging and fitness because I have seen older folks, like in their sixties or seventies who can run like not shuffle, run, come back in the door and do fucking pull-ups on a bar. And there are peers their same age that are shuffling around the grocery store, hunched over their shopping cart and have to ask for help to get something off the top shelf because they can't reach their arm up over their head. Like it's, this makes me really sad. So sad. And that's why I get so fired up about this, because people don't take this shit seriously and you need to take it seriously. Like it's not tomorrow. It's not I'm gonna start exercising Monday and I'm gonna go twice a a week. No, every day. You need to move your body every day. I mean, if you breathe and eat and take a shit, you need to move your body. Like you. These are just body, this is just being a human.

Tali: 56:56

But that's the thing is like, our lives don't require that of us anymore in the don't, the way that it don't require it used to. They're, they don't require it, but it's, and so it's easy to let that fall out of value. Yeah. Which is terrible. But I, it's, that's how it's happened, unfortunately.

Cody: 57:13

But I mean, un unless you wanna be spending up what you're now currently spending in rent or on a mortgage toward pharmaceuticals Yeah. In 30 years and being dependent on other people for basic needs, I mean, I won't go there. But anyway, it, it's bad. Like it's bad. The future is bad if you don't start working on that future today. You can't wait for the future to work on it. You have to, you have to work on the future today. Yeah. And that's the dilemma. Gratification, I guess. But it doesn't have to feel like a sacrifice though. The thing is, is that you can make it part of your lifestyle that's just enjoyable. It's just what we do. Like we enjoy our gym time now. I haven't, most of my life it's been a drudgery that I have to talk myself into.

Tali: 58:05

It was hard to get it rolling. I would definitely say in the last two months or so, that has really turned a corner for us. And I think it has to do with a lot of things. But I think instilling the, the habit mm-hmm. And the practice as regularly as it's been, it's. There are a lot of ways to build that into your life. For instance, we have a friend who comes over three days a week to work out with us. I even had the thought this morning of like, you know, I slept like shit. I was awake all night. Maybe I'll just skip out and you can, you can go just work out together and I won't show up. But that's the whole point is like, I now have somebody showing up to the house mm-hmm. That will drag me out of bed. Getting up out of bed is the worst part of my day every single day. But knowing that someone is coming to meet me, to work out, I'm gonna do it. I've made that commitment, like putting those things into your life can really give you like the push that you need. Yeah. So there are, we've talked about this in so many other podcasts mm-hmm. And ways to not only get things started, how to get the right support and how to keep it going. Yep.

Cody: 59:19

If you. Are listening to this and you want some help in this realm. I'm gonna bring up a book that I've brought up probably on the last 10 podcasts in a row, but it's Atomic Habits by James Clear. And every time I mention a book, if you just go to the description of wherever you're listening this to, you'll, you'll see the book listed there in a link where you can just go get it.

Tali: 59:40

So are you are we get, is it an affiliate link? Yeah, I put

Cody: 59:43

affiliate links. Yeah. It doesn't cost anybody anything e extra, but it does help support us and, and the show. So check that out. But it's also just a really easy reference. You can look at the timestamp, like right now we're about, 58 minutes in, and I put a timestamp where the book is in the description of the show, and you can just go click on it. It's just super, super easy. Get that book, because in that book he talks about the whole book is about habit formation and how to create good habits and how to release bad habits in your life. And at the end, the last few chapters he's, he's talking about what you were just talking about, like ways to really level up and, and paint yourself in a corner, if you will, and to make good habits as easy as possible. And some of that is like accountability to other people, like you just mentioned. There are so many psychological sort of tricks that you can do to form good habits. That book is, I, I think, a must read for anybody who's wanting to change in their life. I mean, it's so powerful. It's a really, really great book. And it may seem cheesy to do these like sort of little hacks for yourself, but it. Can be really life-changing, so

Tali: 1:00:58

Well, if you're need to change your life, that's what it takes. Yeah. It takes doing some hokey shit

Cody: 1:01:03

sometimes. And I know one of the things he says that I just love is that every action you take is a vote for who you want to be in the future. How perfect

Tali: 1:01:09

is that for this podcast episode? Yeah.

Cody: 1:01:12

Yeah. So yeah, delayed gratification can be a bit of a trap sometimes, but like I said, it's

Tali: 1:01:18

also, we're not calling it that. I like that. Vote for your future self. Yeah. Or advocating for your future self. I think language is so incredibly powerful. We talk about it all the time, and I think this is one of those instances where I don't want people to think about it as delayed gratification. You can be gratified plenty right now. Yes. But you can also change your life. Mm-hmm. You can make adjustments in however well, like whatever intensity you feel like you can handle, but it's a matter of acknowledging that you're going somewhere. Mm-hmm. And you're gonna, you're gonna. Pave the road to

Cody: 1:01:56

do it Well, one of the things I try to instill in people as well is this idea of delayed gratification is if you are constantly a discontented person, having a million dollars will not make you a contented person. You have to practice being a contented person if you, that's why I say practice gratitude now and you can still change for the better.

Tali: 1:02:23

Well, and it's the same in like finances, like you were just saying. You know, there are folks who make way more money than we do, but it's not like there. Financial habits are any

Cody: 1:02:37

different. Yeah. Or they're still stressed out to the max. Yeah. Yeah. Being stressed out about finances is a practice. Like you can get into a psychological rut where you feel sh like shitty about something. And even if the something changes, you still feel shitty about it because that's what you've practiced doing. Yeah. So yeah, I really like the idea rather than shooting for a specific goal whether it's finances or my body weight or whatever, it's like I wanna change my identity. That's what I want to do. I want to, I wanna be the type of person who never misses workouts. I wanna be the type of person who eats clean food most of the time. And when I indulge, I really fucking enjoy it. And I wanna be the type of person who's active and says yes to things. I want to be the type of person who is a clear communicator. I want to be the type of person who's a coach that leads people to change. I want to be the type of person who has financial habits that. Allow us to prosper. You know, that's the person I want to be. And so those are the things I'm trying to practice today. And the numbers are only a metric that I look at in hindsight. Like, am I directionally correct? Am I, am I on the right trajectory? And I can see that by tracking numbers, but the numbers are not the goal. The goal is to change who I am. And there's such a big difference with that, you know, to be cultivating an attitude of gratitude to, to be cultivating the person that you want to be also means cultivating the, the happiness, the contentedness, the togetherness, the, the quality time you and I spend together. You know, it's like we're on a mission right now. We're building a, a brand new business. You're working full-time. We're busting our ass in like five different realms right now to make our life. Come together, but we're not gonna feel guilty for an afternoon delight. You know, like we we're still gonna, are you talking about sex? Yeah. We're gonna, we're gonna still enjoy living our life right now. Yes. And not put on the back burner and, and have guilt around any indulgence right now, because that, what are we working for? Like, what do, what do we wanna have time freedom for Exactly. To be together.

Tali: 1:04:56

Well, and so you said something that made me kind of wanna circle back to what I said about oh gosh, I'm losing it. I'm losing it. Cody. Sorry I'm rambling today. That's okay. You were just talking about like really becoming someone different and I think it's important that when you're changing your life, there has to also be this openness and willingness for. There to be some discomfort and for things to really change on a cellular level. Like if you think that you are going to be the same person that you are today and get the body, get the house, get the whatever, and not be changed as a person, I think you're mistaken. Yeah. You have to. What I was saying before about like, I don't wanna over manipulate life. I want it to be able to, I want all the things around me to have influence on my choices and you know, to still have some like whimsical experience and mm-hmm. Interaction with the universe. But I think that being willing to change and knowing that you might really surprise yourself with who you are at the end of it. And a lot of that is letting go. You know, we can't hold onto those personality traits that we were talking about earlier. Yeah. In this episode so hard. Mm-hmm. Because if you do, then where's the room to change it? Kind of, I don't know if you were listening, but when you and I were painting the living room the other day, we were listening to an epi. We were listening. Yeah. Cuz we weren't, we were watching an episode of chef's Table Barbecue. Mm-hmm. And this fella, I wish I remembered his name he was like a barbecue master and he was talking about how his dad lived life with a closed fist and that it showed an everything that he did. He wasn't open to letting go of his way of thinking or doing things or accepting any help or changing anything. And he was like, I just wanna live with my hands open. Like I wanna be able to receive. Mm-hmm. And allow. Life to do its thing. Yeah. And I think if we identify with those traits of ours too hard, we're not setting ourselves up for change. Yeah. You know, possibility change requires experimentation, it requires trust, it requires seeing things through to to give it that opportunity to work its magic. You know, it's unfortunate that we see a lot of times people give up on like a new habit or practice or a coach or whatever, a little bit too soon.

Cody: 1:07:51

Yeah. It's funny you bring up that show. I think there was a lot of emphasis on tradition with this particular person and his father. And what's interesting about tradition is that somebody had to start the tradition and the person who started that tradition was not someone who was. Traditional. They weren't, they weren't following in everybody else's footsteps all the time. They made a change that improved the situation that other people copied. Yeah. And so yeah, to just do something cuz it's the way it's been done is it's a dangerous mindset to find yourself in.

Tali: 1:08:26

That's an interesting thing to bring up. I've thought about that a lot lately. A lot of Jewish holidays have passed that I have not participated in, which felt very strange to me because I've been participating my whole life and, you know, you and I living as far away from my family as we do, it's not easy just like pop over for Passover anymore, you know? Mm-hmm. And I've been trying to just allow what makes sense for us and allow us to participate how we want to, and rather than how we feel like we have to. So that was just a little tangent on tradition. I thought that that was an interesting point.

Cody: 1:09:10

Well, this kind of reminds me of one of my notes, which is a, I think I think it's too new to be called a logical fallacy. Mm-hmm. Like, it's kind of a newer concept, newer being like, I don't know, 50 years ago. But it's it was first brought up in economic theory and has since been applied to more of a psychological or personal development realm. And that is called the End of History Fallacy. Mm. We talked about this. Yeah. And oh man, it's easy to fall onto this trap because we are who we are currently because we think that that's, We're doing the best we can, right? Yes. Like everyone's doing the best that they can. And so you kind of feel at any moment that your history has brought you to this point. But what you forget is until you die, that history is continuing to un, un, un to develop. Right? That point is moving. Yeah. Like the now continues to move until you, until you don't move anymore. And so this end of history fallacy, it keeps coming up in a lot of different ways. Like there's people who talk about evolution, and you and I've talked about this before, how there's this big movement by a lot of people to try to make sure that the planet doesn't change, that no species goes extinct, that you know, just stop changing. It's kind of a weird conservatism if you think about it because for millions of years, species have gone extinct and for some reason it's evil. If men. Like people, if humans cause an extinction and they fail to realize that in nature, animals and plants cause other animals and plants to go extinct all the time. It's happening constantly. And I'm not saying go shoot a rhino OSCEs. Okay. I'm not, I'm not advocating for that. I'm not saying that we can't you know, preserve some of the damage and I'm not, I'm not for like cutting down the rainforest or anything like that. Like, there's obviously some things worth advocating for, but to

Tali: 1:11:23

have. But there are natural, there are natural things that occur organically Yeah. On this planet that there's a lot of resistance to.

Cody: 1:11:33

Yeah. And it seems like humans are sort of blamed for everything, whether that's a correlation or a causation or not. Like those things are hardly ever taken into consideration. It's just like, oh, this species is dwindling, we have to save it. Well do ya cause. I hate to say it, but of all the species that have ever existed on the planet, something like 99.9% of them are gone. Like, and the, the idea that the end of history is like us, that that we here in this moment should be an unchanging situation from here on is ridiculous. Like we are part of this changing, evolving planet that we're on. And it's not just a part of nature, but it's also part of our nature as people to continue to evolve and change throughout your life. And there's this sort of end of history fallacy that we think of, of like, well, this is the faculties that I have, or this is my abilities that I have. These are the resources I have. And there's no consideration for the fact that you can get smarter. You can think faster, you can teach yourself. If you're 50 years old, you can still teach yourself to read faster. You just have to fucking try. Most people don't try, they just, they read the same way they did in the, the eighth grade, like nothing's changed since the eighth grade cuz they just assumed that they evolved to that point. And then that's it. As good as it gets. Good example of this just so everyone knows, I'm not talking out my ass is about five, four years ago or so, I decided that my handwriting was atrocious. Like. I hated it. I hated my own handwriting. Sometimes I couldn't read my own shit. And so I started to, I feel personally attacked. I started to, I, me, I started to combine my practice of journaling with calligraphy. And so my journal was in calligraphy, took a little longer. But what I did is I sort of developed a style of lettering that I could then do a little bit faster and without a calligraphy pen, just like a regular pen. And now here I am like, like three or four years later and my handwriting has changed. It is now the natural way that I write, and I'm writing just as fast as I was four years ago. But now I like the way it looks. Hmm. Sometimes it's better than others, and I try to dial that in when I see it start to degrade a little bit. But I'm 48 and I just changed my handwriting style, so,

Tali: 1:14:06

Everyone with shit handwriting, get on it. Yeah.

Cody: 1:14:10

So people kind of think of this idea of like, well, I, you know, they, they, they think doing something over and over and over again is a practice, but it's not, if it's not intentional. Right. Because if you've been practicing that slop handwriting for 40 years, I got news for you. You know, that's not, that's not practicing. That's just to happen. That's what you're getting good at, right? Yeah. You're getting good at the slop. But let go of this idea of the end of history. History does not end with our species. History does not end with our generation. History does not end with you as an individual. It's not that the past has all led us to this point. It's that this point is continuing to move through history and so create a new history for yourself at any age. I mean, I'm, I'm coaching five clients right now that are all in their late sixties or seventies. And all of them, all of them are improving on things that, you know, and, and feeling better. You know, I had one client after just a few weeks, she said she's that her, her like digestive system has been, is better than it has been in five years. And it's like, well some people her age and in her condition, she's dealing with some like degenerative disease. Some people in that position would be just be like, well this is my lot in life. This is where I am and this is probably how it's gonna be from here on out. You know? But she's working out and making changes in her seventies to improve the situation. What a baller. Yeah, she's badass. So anyway, I just wanted to bring up that whole end of history fallacy because I think it's such an easy way to think because the future is just sort of this random idea that we. Try to think about, but nobody knows. You know, nobody knows. But we kind of remember the past. We, our memories probably aren't as accurate as we think they are, but we have an experienced life. And so we look at that experience and then we look at the present and those are the only things that's real. And the future is this big nebulous thing. But we have to remember that we are not the end of history night. And we're like, right now is not the end of history unless you get hit by a bus. That's the end of your history, but, right. Yeah. I just wanted to bring up that concept as part of what we're talking about here is kind of living through this thing we call time and just realizing that we still have control to steer the ship at any moment.

Tali: 1:16:51

Well, I think being hit by a bus is a great place to call it.

Cody: 1:16:55

Is this podcast being hit by, are you fading? Mm-hmm. It is our bedtime folks. Yeah. Nine o'clock, us young whipper snappers staying up till nine. But to be fair, I did get in a cold shower at 6:00 AM and have hardly stopped moving since. So yeah, I'm ready to call it. Me too. All right. Did you get everything out you needed? I think so. Cool. We don't know what's coming, Dewey. What do you mean podcast wise? Nope. Okay. Well stay tuned folks. We will not miss it. And we still are gonna start producing some shorties here soon, some shorter podcasts that are really focused on some practical takeaways that we're excited to share with you guys. And other than that, thanks for listening and thank you, babe. Love you. I love you.

Tali: 1:17:46

This episode was produced by Tali Zari and Cody Limbaugh. Check out our writing, coaching services and home studying adventures at live all your life.com. For show notes, resources mentioned, or to submit a question or contribution, click on the podcast tab.