#88 The Power of Acceptance: Unraveling the Impact of Emotional Neglect on Receiving

Have you ever paused to wonder why receiving - be it a compliment, a gift, or a helping hand - can often feel so uncomfortable? This episode dares to delve into the tangled web of guilt, emotional neglect, and distorted teachings from childhood that make us resist our innate design as receivers. As we unravel how the inability to receive can stifle our growth and dampen the joy of the giver, you'll discover a new perspective on how God has designed us to be receivers first and givers second.

As we journey deeper, we'll confront the profound impact of childhood emotional neglect on our capacity to accept kindness, help, and divine truths. Understanding these struggles and overcoming them can lead us to not only embrace our roles as receivers but also improve our relationships and self-care abilities. This open-hearted conversation is more than mere talk; it's a call for you to reflect, share your experiences, and embrace the joy of receiving. Come join us for this empowering and enlightening discourse.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:14

Have you ever given a gift to someone who doesn't want to receive it?

Speaker 1: 0:18

There's not joy in that kind of giving. I talked today about receiving. I asked in the group how you feel about receiving and at answers like I feel guilty and selfish or greedy. It's really a struggle and want to talk today about why that might be Growing up being taught it's better to give than to receive along with childhood emotional neglect, where you're not really allowed to receive because your needs aren't valid Learning it's better to give than to receive really meant it's bad to receive.

Speaker 1: 1:06

It's selfish, it's greedy, it's bad and that's not. That's not what God was saying. God loves to give, which means he designed us to receive. Have you ever given a gift to someone who doesn't want to receive it? There's not joy in that kind of giving. I mean you can still feel good about yourself and what you did, but there's not the joy of seeing the other person receive that. So if God loves to give and gives good gifts, then he designed us to receive. He gave us the gift of his son. We receive him and we receive salvation, the forgiveness of sins, healing, right standing with God.

Speaker 1: 1:51

All these different things we have to receive is a great strategy of the enemy to teach us that receiving is bad. If we can't receive all the good that God has for us, then we're not much of a threat to the enemy If we're not receiving what the Lord has given us. Can we receive correction when we're out of line and we need to adjust things? Can we receive that? It takes emotional health and maturity to be able to receive correction, but it's good for us to be able to receive that. That would be a place where it's far better to receive than to give in the correction. It's far better to receive that and be able to grow. Can we receive the authority that God has given us? Can we receive that and use it in our lives where he's given us authority? Can we receive that we are the righteousness of Christ, that God does not look at us and see mistakes and failures and things that frustrate us? I don't know exactly how that works, because obviously he's not just living in denial and toxic positivity. He knows our struggle, but he sees beyond that to who he really made us to be and who he made us in Christ.

Speaker 1: 3:30

Can we receive compliments? So many of us were taught that that was prideful. It's not prideful. It's honest. If we have done something well, if someone compliments our smile or our dress or our hair or Whatever, to be able to say thank you, I received. That Is a good thing. That's giving a gift back to the giver again, like talked about. It's not fun to give something to someone who won't receive it. Are we able to receive gifts? And not being able to receive them is not humility. It's a false form of humility. It is a twisted version of pride. You think I'm worthy of this gift, but I know better and I'm confirming that I'm not good enough for this.

Speaker 1: 4:26

So why is it so hard to receive the compliments? Why is it hard to receive the good things it's hard to receive if you grew up in a home where you were emotionally neglected and that didn't have to be intentional and it didn't. It doesn't mean your parents were bad. Maybe they were overwhelmed because of family members with Chronic health issues, or maybe they were overwhelmed because they had to work so much to cover the bills and expenses. More than likely, they just didn't have the tools themselves to be able to meet your emotional needs. And so it's not saying they're bad. It's just saying look at the impact of that and the impact of that is that you learn it's not good to receive. When I expect things, I just get disappointed and hurt. So I'm just not going to expect things and you're not taught how to receive. You know, I can remember growing up watching my mom not be able to receive a compliment. Probably being the highly empathetic person that I am, I could see how that hurt the person giving the compliment and decided I was going to learn to be able to receive a compliment, even if Inside I'm like oh no, if you only knew, or whatever. I could choose to say Thank you, thank you. Just as simple as that. To learn to start receiving a compliment or a gift, just thank you. Not, I don't deserve this, or it's really nothing. Or you know some compliments or work. Well, it's got lots of mistakes in it.

Speaker 1: 6:13

Think about when you have given something to someone and they have not received it. How does that feel? What's that like for you to be the one giving? Growing up with emotional neglect, we learned to pay so much more attention to what everyone else was feeling and what was going on with them that maybe that's why it's an effective way to see what's healthy and what we want for ourselves. So when you give something, think of how you're hoping that other person will respond. Think of the blessing that you're trying to be and then reflect on that for yourself. Is that what you do when someone gives you something? We receive from people. We receive compliments and gifts, help. Help is a huge. It's so hard to receive help.

Speaker 1: 7:08

We're taught to serve and put others first and not think highly of ourselves and all these things and all those things need to be in balance, because we matter too. We matter just as much as the people that we love and we want to bless. We don't want to think of ourselves higher than them, as more important than them, but we're as important and in some ways, like the put your oxygen mask on first. It's not that you're like you could look at that as like you're more important and you need to take care of. Take care of yourself first because you're more important, but it's take care of yourself because other people are important and if you don't take care of you, you can't continue taking care of others. So you know, if you're on the plane and you're going around making sure as many people as you can get oxygen masks on, okay, you helped in that situation, but then that's it. And if you're constantly living your life that way, it comes to a point of burnout where you now not only can't get your mask on yourself, or you get to the point where you have to put the mask on yourself and you can't be helping anyone else, where, if you consistently put the mask on yourself first and you're getting what you need to stay alive, that enables you to continue helping others much more effectively and much longer.

Speaker 1: 8:49

So, being able to receive from what we need, as far as just like we need time alone, do we need friend time? Do we need proper nutrition, proper sleep, enough water, all of these different things like can we even receive those things? Much less moving up, can we receive love and affection? Can we receive grace? Can we receive compliments?

Speaker 1: 9:21

And again, if you grew up with childhood emotional neglect, it's probably really a struggle to receive help, to receive compliments, to receive the truth from the Lord, even because there's so many things inside going. No, I don't think so. Like this isn't what I experienced growing up, that's not what was demonstrated to me, so I don't, I don't really know that it's okay to receive. So I challenge you to look at, the Lord is a generous, generous giver and therefore he created us to receive because he wanted someone to give you. Bless him, you give him pleasure, give him glory by receiving what he has given you, and so that carries through into our human relationships, to families and communities. Would love to hear your thoughts if you have struggled with receiving, if you have learned to receive and you know what has helped you with that. And we'll see you next time.