God Expects Me To Make Everyone Happy - No He Doesn't Ep 122

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“God expects me to keep everyone happy.” 

He doesn’t, but part of you might feel like He does. While your feelings matter, they shouldn’t lead you through life.

God doesn’t demand perfection because He knows that’s impossible. Jesus was perfect, so you don’t have to be.

00:00 Perfectionism Loop

01:07 Heart Doodling Practice

01:41 Questioning People Pleasing

02:24 Truth About God

03:32 Needs And Boundaries

04:14 Spotting Enemy Accusations

06:18 Feelings Versus Reality

08:32 Comforting Inner Child

10:38 Pleasing Is Not Loving

12:08 Parts And Trauma Explained

14:08 Compassion And Resourcing

15:25 Coaching Invitation

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Transcript

The Trap Of Doing It Right

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Do you ever find yourself telling yourself that you need to do everything right?

SPEAKER_01 0:21

But then you know that you can't do everything right and that's not right.

Journaling To Hear The Truth

SPEAKER_00 0:28

And you just get stuck in this loop of not being able to do anything and nothing working. I've been there. I used to live there. I've learned to distinguish between the voice of my soul and my spirit, between my voice and the enemy's voice, and to clear all the stuff out of the way to hear God's voice instead. Sometimes that voice of I need to do everything right, you don't even recognize because it's been there for so long. And that's why journaling or heart doodling can be so powerful because you put it on paper and it gives you a different perspective of what it sounds like and what you're actually for thinking versus when it's in your head. I recognized that I was feeling like I couldn't do anything right. So I got out my sketchbook and my marker and my paints. And I thought, well, what do I feel like right now? I feel like this little girl who feels all this pressure to do everything right. She needs to keep people happy. She also is feeling like she can't do anything right. In drawing and painting, it gives time for me to pay attention to the thoughts that I'm thinking or hearing and kind of like what's going on. And so on the I must side, I wrote down, I need to do it right. And I'm like, well, why? Why do you need to do it right? To keep people happy. Okay, why do you need to keep people happy?

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Because God wants me to. Is that true?

SPEAKER_00 2:18

And the little girl's like, well, I always thought so. Like that's what it seemed like. If we're gonna be loving, we put Jesus first, and then we put others next, and we're loving them, and it seems like if you love someone, it would make them happy, and so I think that's what I'm supposed to do. Being able to, of course, see from a more mature and spirit-led place of that's not true. We don't have any power over whether someone is happy or not. We can do things that we think they will like or appreciate, and we can be kind, but we don't actually get to determine whether they're happy. And God doesn't expect me to do everything right. That's why Jesus came and died. It's because he knew I couldn't do everything right. So he's not putting that expectation on me.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

He put it on Jesus for me, and Jesus fulfilled it for me.

Spotting The Enemy’s Accusations

SPEAKER_00 3:18

And then on the I can't side, I wrote, I can't do anything right, and that's not right. And since I can't do anything right, I can't keep everyone happy. And that I was also hearing, in a way, believing, I don't matter if I want something different from someone that I'm trying to make happy. And I see that show up even with my daughter, who she wants to go to the park, and I would rather come home and work on a project. And I can find myself at times just being like, well, it doesn't matter what I want, she wants to go to the park, and I'm supposed to like take care of her and make her happy. So I guess we're going to the park, no matter what I want to do. And recognizing like that's not healthy, I need a better grid there, and learning to practice that evaluating her wants and desires with my wants and desires, and where there's actual needs and all of that kind of thing. Um, and then I wrote down that there was self-judgment and that it was really mean. And as I wrote the thoughts down, they were you're not doing it right.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

You should be able to do it right.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

And I recognized those aren't my thoughts. That's not me being mean to myself. It's me allowing the enemy to be mean to myself. And in a way, I'm being mean to myself because I'm taking the enemy's thoughts as my own. But putting it on the paper and seeing, like, oh, that's not even my thought that I'm entertaining and listening to you're not doing it right. You should be able to do this. Not, you know, the other statements that I wrote, like, I can't do anything right. That's my thought. I was not being nice to myself. But seeing, like, oh, the the thoughts behind that and why that feels so mean is because it's the enemy accusing me and reminding me that, like, no, little you, when you were younger, you felt like God wanted you to keep everybody happy, and you're not doing that. You agreed to keep everybody happy, and since you're not doing it, I can now come and harass you about failing on that. When in reality, he was most likely part of tricking me into thinking that I needed to keep everyone happy and that that was what God wanted. Sitting with how I was feeling and the thoughts, you know, wrote, like, I can't even think right or feel right because like I'm thinking these things that aren't true. And again, that self-condemnation coming in, and you know, asking, like, how can I be here again? And when will this ever change? And part of that is looking at how I was feeling instead of looking at reality. And I am big on looking at how you're feeling. It matters how you feel. However, the feelings aren't supposed to be in charge. And at the time when I did this, the feelings were clearly in charge. I was sad and hopeless and discouraged because it just felt like nothing was ever gonna change. And it felt like I've made progress in the past, or I thought I'd made progress in the past, but now I'm back at this place again.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

And again, it's valid that that's how I was feeling, but the truth is that I am seated with Christ. The truth is I don't need to do everything right. It's not possible, and God is not cruel, he's not giving me an impossible thing to do.

Holding The Younger You With Care

Why Pleasing Is Not Loving

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Taking the time to sit with it and see what I was feeling and the thoughts that were coming in, and kind of like pouring that out onto the paper and pouring that out before the Lord, and being honest. Like I honestly feel like this is never gonna change and I'm never gonna make any progress, I'm never gonna grow. And that kind of quiets things down enough so that I can hear my spirit, I can hear Holy Spirit being like, yeah, but that's not really true. Look at where you've grown here. Look at where you know the difference between your thoughts and the enemy's thoughts when you take time to pay attention. Look at how you understand that it does matter how you feel and what you want. And you're just still practicing like what does that look like in your relationships? Even being able to see, like I said, I felt like this little girl that was just so stuck because she had this impossible task to do. She didn't have the resources or the strength or the capacity to do what she felt like she needed to do, for God to be happy with her, for people to be happy with her, and feeling like she needed people to be happy with her, for people to stay in relationship with her, because if they're not happy with her, they're gonna leave. They're gonna ignore her. And that's devastating to a young child because again, they're not equipped to handle life on their own. They're not equipped for all of those things. I did another doodle of myself holding that little girl, that little me, and just giving her space and giving her what she needed. I'd say, I see how scared you are, I see how hard you've worked for so many years trying to keep me safe. Because that's what she was doing. She was trying to keep anybody from being upset with me because she firmly believed and experienced in ways to her childlike self that if you don't please people, you're gonna be left on your own. And that's very scary and very hurtful. Because then, like, I see, like you're trying to keep me safe, you're trying to keep me from being abandoned again. But you can rest. Because we don't need to keep everyone happy to be safe. We have people who love us and want us to be happy too. And God doesn't expect us to keep everyone happy, He expects us to love ourselves as much as we love others, and to be able to say to her, You matter, I love you. I'm sorry it's been so hard. But you're safe and you're important. And pleasing someone does not equal loving them. And that's hard because the people that want to be loved and want to insist on their own way will tell you that you need to please them to truly be loving them. And it simply isn't true. God does not first and foremost seek to please us. His love is for our best and highest good. And that's how he calls us to love other people too, is to do what's the best and highest good for them, not what they want. Because we all know if you're, you know, a mother and you've raised children, what they want and would please them is to have cake and cookies and ice cream for every meal. But that wouldn't be loving them. We need to provide them with nutritious food that gives them the nutrients they need to grow. And they can occasionally have the treats. Or your 12-year-old that just if they decided that they wanted to drive. And like, if you loved me, you would give me the keys. No, if I love you, I'm gonna teach you to drive and wait till your brain is mature enough to handle all of the multitasking that has to happen for you to drive safely. I'm not going to just give you the keys to please you because that's not actually loving. If you recognize that you sometimes have situations where you feel like a small child or like a teenager or something other than your current age and maturity, that's very valid.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

You feel that way for a reason.

Feeling Resourced Instead Of Stuck

Free Call Invite And Closing

SPEAKER_00 12:42

More than likely, there was some kind of trauma, or there was an event where the enemy was able to come in and deceive you and get you to believe lies about yourself or about God that got you stuck in a way that there's, in a sense, part of you that's still stuck at that age. And like, disclaimer, I'm not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist or anything like that. So when I'm talking about parts, I'm just referring to them in that general sense of sometimes we say, well, there's an event coming up, and part of me is looking forward to it, and part of me is not. Part of me wants to go to town and do fun things, and part of me wants to stay home and go to bed. That's how I'm referring to it. I talk about it because it's helpful for me to stop and think in those times where I feel stuck or very overwhelmed to reflect on like how old do I feel? And if I feel like I'm a very young child, then it makes sense that I'm feeling overwhelmed or stuck because a young child has very limited resources compared to what I have. And myself as a child of that age had very limited resources in emotional awareness, in relational skills, in identifying needs and things like that. So myself at a certain age feels even less resourced than other people might feel at that age. It opens that door for that compassion instead of beating yourself up or allowing the enemy to come in and beat you up and tell you what a bad job you're doing. It opens up to have that compassion for, like, oh, if that's my perspective, like my only tool is making people happy and keeping people happy, keeping anybody from being upset. That's my only option. And it doesn't work, that's very scary and overwhelming. And I can have compassion for that and then remind myself in the Lord, I am fully resourced. I can learn to identify my needs, I can learn to articulate things, I can learn to feel my emotions without letting them be in charge. I can learn to be okay, even if the people that I'm most afraid of abandoning me are upset with me. I can learn those things, I can do those things, I will be okay because the Lord is with me, because He's leading me and teaching me and guiding me, so I can do all those things that that younger part of me couldn't because they didn't know any of that stuff. So if there's part of you that feels stuck or completely overwhelmed, or that seems to show up in certain situations, I would love to help you with that. You can schedule a one-on-one call that's complimentary, to just ask me any questions you might have, get a feel for what it would be like to work with me. I appreciate you listening, commenting. If you leave questions, that's always helpful for topics for future shows. And I will see you next time.