How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed - Ep 131

How often do you find yourself feeling overwhelmed?

I still do, more often than I would like to. This summer I have been feeling it a lot. 

As I was thinking about how to move out of this cycle of overwhelm I documented the process so I could share it with you. 

This week’s podcast highlights 3 phases of getting out of overwhelm. You might only need 1 or 2 of the phases. Sometimes you need all 3.

1. Ask “What is the smallest step I could take to show myself I’m not stuck?”
2. Ask “What am I gaining by staying stuck? How am I benefitting from this?”
3. Identify the thoughts and feelings that are present as you think about what is overwhelming you.

I walk you through a real example in my own life. You can hear the difference in thoughts or lies that are easy to deal with and one that hits me pretty hard. I left it raw on purpose.

Give it a try the next time you are feeling overwhelmed and let me know how it goes.

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Music by Romarecord1973 from Pixabay

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Transcript

Naming The Feeling Of Stuck

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to today's podcast. I want to talk about the feeling of being stuck. I hear from so many women in so many different ways that they feel stuck. And you might not use those words. You might use words like overwhelmed or unsure or confused or being afraid of something, being unable to make a decision. Those are all ways of being stuck. A few years ago, I wrote a children's book called Unstuck: How to Move When You're Feeling Stuck. And I used my process of heart doodling to make pictures of different ways that we can feel stuck. Like we can feel buried, or we can

Visual Signs Of Feeling Stuck

SPEAKER_00 0:43

feel like whatever we try to do, it just makes a bigger mess, or no matter how hard we try, it doesn't work. And I did those in pictures of like being buried in sand, having like gum stuck on your shoe, and then you try and get it off, and now it's stuck on your hand, and then you try more, and pretty soon like it's in your hair and it's just everywhere. Or trying to push a rock that's way too big for you to push. So those are all visual ways. If you stopped and asked, like, oh, when I feel stuck, what does that feel like? If it was a picture. And one of the pictures was being like in a full-body cast, like completely immobile. And that picture came because one day I sat on my couch and that's how I felt. Just felt like completely immobile. I was physically fine. But that's what the feeling felt like. And I thought, well, it made all those different pictures of what it feels like. But as grownups, like, what are the words we use? What are the things that we we do when we talk about how because of Christ, we're never actually stuck. We can feel stuck, but we are never actually stuck. There is always something we can do, even if it's just thinking differently. There's always something we can do. And I have found in my own life that while I know this and I teach this, I started to recognize, like, oh, I'm still feeling stuck, but I'm not calling it stuck, because then I would recognize, like, oh, I'm not stuck, I could do something. I'm using overwhelmed or unsure or confused or recognizing that actually I'm afraid of someone's reaction, and that's keeping me stuck, or I'm afraid it won't work, and so that's keeping me stuck. And as was thinking of all these different, like, ways that being stuck shows up and the different words that we use for it. It could be kind of discouraging to recognize, like, oh my goodness, I let all these things make me feel stuck or keep me stuck. But what can we do about them? Because in the children's book of unstuck, I showed different pictures of different ways that it feels to be stuck. And then I also presented lots of options of things that you can do to be unstuck. You can forgive, you can think differently, you can talk to a friend, you can just move your body, you can clean something up, you can decide on the next thing to do. Um And so I thought, well, like for me now, like what are the things I can do when I'm feeling stuck or when I recognize that I'm using indecision or um feeling overwhelmed or whatever as a way of being stuck. And I came up with kind of a three-step or three-phase process, maybe would be a good way to describe it. And if the first phase works, you don't need the other two. If the first two work, you don't need the third one.

The Three-Phase Unstuck Process

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Um so when you recognize that you're feeling stuck, the first thing you can do is just ask what's the smallest step I can take to show myself that I am not stuck? If you can't think of anything, then phase two would be to ask, what am I gaining by staying stuck? And that can be a hard question to ask, because then we have to face stuff that we don't necessarily want to face. And I'll give you some examples here in a minute. But so phase one is to ask, what's the smallest step I can take to show that I'm not stuck? And phase two, if that doesn't work, nothing comes up, is to say, like, what am I gaining from staying stuck here? And if nothing's coming up for that, then phase three is slowing down to look at your thoughts and emotions around getting unstuck. Highly recommend writing them down or doing a heartdoodle of them. But so to give you an example from my own life, I've been feeling stuck about how to spend my days. There's just way more things that I want to do or feel like I need to do than fit in 24 hours with my energy levels. That's just not. And so as I was like trying to walk myself through this process, I thought, well, first of all, we need to recognize when we're feeling stuck. So kind of pre-phase one is looking at what are your cues, what are the signs that you are feeling stuck. One of them for me is I pick up my phone way too often.

Spotting Your Personal Stuck Cues

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Another is stuff is scattered and not put away, and I'm not sure where to find things, which is sort of ironic that I'm feeling overwhelmed, so then I make things more overwhelming. But that's a sign to me of like, oh no, you're feeling overwhelmed and not recognizing it because you're not making the space or using the energy to take care of yourself, take care of your things so that you're taking care of yourself to know where your things are. So if I recognized in this space of like, I'm not sure what to do with my day, because I've got like a full day of work I could do, and I've got a full day of stuff that could be done around the house, and then I've got friends or kids and grandkids that I want to hang out with. So I have, you know, three lifetimes of things I want to do in a day, and I can't. So if I notice instead of deciding, okay, this is how I'm going to use my day, regardless of how I would like to or feel like this is what I am doing, if I'm picking up my phone and scrolling or playing a game, that's a cue. Or if I just like hopefully I would get the cue at when I just pick up my phone, but it might take longer than that for me to recognize, like, oh, this is in my hand because I'm feeling overwhelmed or being indecisive rather than because I actually needed to do something on my phone. So asking that question, what is the smallest step I can take to show that I'm not stuck? I can put my phone down. And that might seem like, well, great, you put your phone down, but now you still have to decide what to do. And yes, I do still have to decide what to do. I have to take more steps. But by putting the phone down, I have made a step in the direction of I'm going to decide. I'm going to be in charge of my day instead of just letting push me around and see what happens. So once you've taken the first small step, then you can ask, okay, what's the next step? And maybe I need to sit down and make a list. Maybe I need to look at a calendar and see what actually is priority or what responsibilities I have or whatever. But if I'm in a place where I'm feeling overwhelmed, I don't know what to do with my day, and like, what's the first step I can take? And it's like, well, nothing, or I could I put down the phone, but now I can't think of anything else. So then I'm gonna ask the next question in phase two of what am I gaining by staying stuck? Your answer will probably feel ridiculous to yourself logically, but it will resonate. You know, whatever pops into your head is the spirit being like you asked the question and Holy Spirit's

What You Gain By Staying Stuck

SPEAKER_00 8:57

answering. So when I asked this question the other day when I was making this outline, what popped into my head was safety. I'm gaining safety from making the wrong choice. That's completely irrational. It's wrong, because by staying stuck and not making decisions, staying overwhelmed with whatever, I am guaranteed making the wrong choice because I have things to do. Even if that thing to do is rest, I'm not resting if I'm in that state of overwhelm and confusion, and I should be doing something, but I'm distracting myself. So there's a place that's like, we're gonna stay safe from making the wrong choice by just not making any choices. That's a childish way of thinking that gives me a good indication, like that's a child part that's showing up and trying to run the show. And when I have that insight, sometimes I can be like, oh, that doesn't work. The way to stay safe from making the wrong choice is to remember that like I'm not choosing sin. I'm choosing between two fine options, two good options, two acceptable things. I'm not choosing, do I obey or do I sin? And making mistakes is just part of learning. It's part of life, it's part of experimenting. I can gather information to make a better choice in the future if I don't like how it turns out this time. But the safety comes from reminding myself that I'm okay because my acceptance and my value and all of that does not come from me making good choices. It comes because I'm created in God's image and he said that I was worthy of the death of his son. So if I'm in that place where I can like put my grown-up self in charge, put my spirit-load self in charge, and be like, oh, okay, I see that little part that's scared of getting in trouble and feels like getting in trouble means like isolation and isolation is terrifying to a young child. So it makes sense that you're scared of getting in trouble. However, we've grown up, we're not making choices that are gonna get us in trouble. Even if somebody gets upset with us, we're still not gonna be in trouble. I'm not going to jail or anything. And so I can show up as my spirit-led self and make a decision. I need phase three if that doesn't work. If I see, well, either if I'm asking, what am I gaining from this and I get nothing, or if I see like, I ask the question, I get the answer, you think you're saying safe, but I still can't make myself get unstuck. I'm still like, that's too scary. I too overwhelmed, or there's spiritual attack, or whatever it is that's keeping me from being able to see that I need to switch to my spirit-led self instead of this part that's afraid. That's where we need the third phase where we're gonna take the time to identify the thoughts and emotions that are there. And so I jotted down a list

Mapping Thoughts And Emotions

SPEAKER_00 12:43

there's fear of failure. I don't the thought that I don't know what I'm doing, the thought I can't do it all, the thought I don't want to disappoint anyone. So in phase three, just seeing those thoughts might be enough to shift you to like, oh, I recognize these thoughts and these patterns, I know what to do. Or there might be things that you feel like the Holy Spirit is being like, you need to go deeper and deal with these things and see why these thoughts are there. Why are you feeling the way that you're feeling? Because when you recognize what you're thinking and feeling, then you know what you're dealing with and you know you can identify what you need. I kind of liken it to if your child were to call you and be like, Mom, help, how do I get home? Your first question would be, well, where are you? Because you can't give them directions if you don't know where they're at. And so stopping to ask our emotions, what are these things we're feeling? What are these thoughts I'm thinking, is helping us see where we're at so that we can map out how to get where we want to be, like helping our kid get from wherever they are to home. We need to know where they are first. So we need to know where we are first. So I just quickly went through the thoughts and feelings that came up for me. And when I wrote down fear of failure, I was like, no, it's actually a fear of success. Because the thought that was there as I wrote down fear of failure was I am a failure and the success won't last. So it's a fear of success that if I do succeed, it's not gonna last because I'm not capable of carrying that and holding that. So that was a very insightful piece that's like, okay, so now I need to take that to the Lord and say what part of me believes that I'm a failure. And I didn't have a lot of time to sit with it, so I could just see, like, there's a very young part of me that feels like that's her identity is just being a failure. She can't hold anything good. And then I could also recognize that the enemy was there telling me that I was a failure and that I would never be able to hold success. And that still feels really raw. So I need to go back to that. Um, might even need to schedule a session for that. Um, another thought was, I don't know what I'm doing. And it was like, well, that's okay. I can learn anything. Of course, I don't know everything, and that's fine, because I can learn. So I could see in that, like it was easy for my spirit-led self, my adult self, to show up and be like, well, of course you don't entirely know what you're doing. You've never done this before. Not a big deal. Um, same with I can't do it all. Like, right, of course you can't. You're human, you can't do it all. No one is expecting you to do it all except you. So, easy one to let go. I don't want to disappoint anyone. Again, easy to see. That's not possible, but also adding some curiosity of why is it that I feel like I need to please everyone? And it it goes back to a very young feeling place. And when I talk about a young part, I'm just using it in the sense of like sometimes you'd be invited to a party or an event or whatever, and just the way we talk will be like, well, part of me wants to go and part of me doesn't. That's all the more like I'm not using it anymore technically. There's no diagnosis, nothing like that. I'm just using it in that sense. But when I'm feel a feeling or think a thought, I can ask myself, like, how old do I feel when I'm thinking this way or when I'm having these emotions? Because if you recognize,

When A Younger Part Takes Over

SPEAKER_00 17:10

like, oh, I feel like I'm three, then you also like subconsciously are showing up with the resources of a three-year-old, which would make adult life very, very overwhelming. Or if you feel like like, oh, I feel like I'm 16 again and all that angst and all of those things, like, well, okay, so then you're showing up to this situation with the resources of a 16-year-old, the resources you had as a 16-year-old. And so that can be helpful to be like, oh, okay, so I need to meet the needs for the three-year-old or for the 16-year-old or for the infant, whatever it is. Um, and that's why you can say, like, oh, you're being afraid of making the wrong choice, so you're making no choice. I see how that makes sense to a young child. Does it make sense sometimes as an adult? We're not going to function that way. But you can mate yourself with compassion when seeing like subconsciously you're showing up as a younger version of yourself because for whatever reason, lack of training or something bad that happened to you you emotion you're emotionally your emotional development got stuck at that age around these certain things. Um I asked myself, why do you want to please everyone? To be wanted, included, accepted. Um and again, like those emotions were coming from that young part. And then I could see from the spirit-led perspective that I was subconsciously looking for approval from people for my value and security instead of remembering my value and my security and my worthiness comes from God Himself because He made me in His image. He says I'm worthy, so I don't need anything from anyone else. I hope this three-phase process, kind of a four-phase process, because the first phase is to recognize the signs that you're feeling stuck. Is it picking up your phone? Is it isolating? Is it where it is recognizing those signs is the first step? Kind of the pre-phase, and then talked about phase one

Recap And Getting Support

SPEAKER_00 19:51

being if you can just ask yourself, like, what's the smallest step I can take? If you can make that step, you're unstuck, you're good to go. If that doesn't work, then you go to phase two and you're asking, like, what am I gaining from this? Am I gaining feeling safety? Am I gaining um not having someone being upset with me? Am I gaining avoiding something that feels too hard, like whatever it is. And again, if that doesn't work, then you go to phase three of really identifying the thoughts and the emotions. And if just identifying them helps you shift and you can move, then again, you're good to go. If identifying them brings up stuff that you're like, oh, I'm not sure how to deal with that, or I didn't realize that was there. Um, if you are unable to get unstuck just by recognizing the thoughts and the emotions, then being able to sit with them more and sit with Holy Spirit of where did this come from? Why do I feel this way? I can see this isn't true, but it feels so incredibly true. Those are places that those are skills that I have learned and that I teach my clients and walk through the process with you because just learning that, oh, there's this process and I could do that is gaining the information and it's important. But being able to take that information and say, how does it apply to this particular situation in my life is very difficult to do on your own, particularly when emotions are involved, because God did not design us to be emotional and logical at the same time. So trying to sit with your emotions and really feel them and try and intellectually, logically like remember this process and what's the step and on what am I supposed to do next is very, very difficult to do on your own. So that's why I get these examples in my podcast, and that's why I offer the coaching to be able to walk with you one-on-one so that you can have your emotions and feel them, and I can remember the process and the steps and be listening to the Holy Spirit for where we need to go next and what you might need, so that you're not left one sitting with overwhelming emotions because they've been stuffed and subconscious and running behind the scenes for a reason, and also trying to implement this new process and being like, I don't know if I'm doing this right because this feels terrible and I'm confused and just all of that. So if you resonate with what I'm sharing and you would like to know how to get yourself unstuck in all these big and small places that you feel stuck, you can schedule a one on one call and we can talk about what it would look like to work together. And I will see you again next time.