What’s On Her Mind: A Conversation with Dr. Daminger

Welcome to the Modern Husbands podcast, where any combination of Dr. Bruce Ross, Christian Sherrill, and Brian Page host national experts who share winning ideas to manage money and the home as a team.

I’m Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands. Sometimes our listeners want more support than a podcast can give, individual or couple support, which I now provide. Details can be found at modernhusbands.com or you can email me at brian@modernhusbands.com.

For today’s podcast we welcome Dr. Allison Daminger, an assistant professor of sociology at UW-Madison and the author of What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life, forthcoming in September 2025. Daminger's research is focused on how and why gender shapes family dynamics, particularly the division of work and power in couples. Her award-winning scholarship has been featured in outlets including The Atlantic, The New York Times, and Psychology Today. Daminger also writes a weekly newsletter, The Daminger Dispatch, about the intersections between gender and family life.

Today’s discussion is laser focused on the mental load and what’s on the mind of working women. Enjoy the show.

Show Notes

01:00 Introduction
01:55 Let’s start with the basics. What exactly is “cognitive labor,” and how is it different from other types of household labor?
05:02 You break down cognitive labor into four tasks: anticipating, identifying, deciding, and monitoring. Can you walk us through what those look like in everyday family life?
16:28 One of your findings is that even in households that believe in equality, women tend to carry more of the mental load. Why is that, and how does it persist even with good intentions?
25:36 How do early childhood experiences shape the way men and women learn (or don’t learn) to do cognitive labor?
28:44 Your research includes same-gender couples. What lessons can different-gender couples learn from how cognitive labor is handled in those relationships?
32:11 Let’s talk about solutions. What can couples do if they want to move toward a more equitable distribution of cognitive labor? Where should they start?
38:14 You write that many men want to help but feel unsure about how to jump in. What advice do you have for those men to begin showing up better?
43:21 In the book, you describe how unequal cognitive labor can impact a woman’s identity, stress levels, and even career. Can you share a story or example that really stuck with you?
45:32 Where can our listeners learn more about you and purchase your book?
46:03 What is one piece of simple and actionable advice you want to leave our listeners with?

Click here to learn more about Dr. Daminger and buy her book.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 1:55 Let’s start with the basics. What exactly is “cognitive labor,” and how is it different from other types of household labor?
• 5:02 You break down cognitive labor into four tasks: anticipating, identifying, deciding, and monitoring. Can you walk us through what those look like in everyday family life?
• 16:28 One of your findings is that even in households that believe in equality, women tend to carry more of the mental load. Why is that, and how does it persist even with good intentions?
• 25:36 How do early childhood experiences shape the way men and women learn (or don’t learn) to do cognitive labor?
• 28:44 Your research includes same-gender couples. What lessons can different-gender couples learn from how cognitive labor is handled in those relationships?
• 32:11 Let’s talk about solutions. What can couples do if they want to move toward a more equitable distribution of cognitive labor? Where should they start?
• 38:14 You write that many men want to help but feel unsure about how to jump in. What advice do you have for those men to begin showing up better?
• 43:21 In the book, you describe how unequal cognitive labor can impact a woman’s identity, stress levels, and even career. Can you share a story or example that really stuck with you?
• 45:32 Where can our listeners learn more about you and purchase your book?
• 46:03 What is one piece of simple and actionable advice you want to leave our listeners with?