Breadwinners: A Conversation with Melissa Hogenboom

Welcome to the Modern Husbands podcast, where any combination of Dr. Bruce Ross, Christian Sherrill, and Brian Page host national experts who share winning ideas to manage money and the home as a team.

I’m Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands. Sometimes our listeners want more support than a podcast can give, individual or couple support, which I now provide. Details can be found at modernhusbands.com or you can email me at brian@modernhusbands.com.

For today’s podcast we welcome Melissa Hogenboom, an award-winning journalist and editor at the BBC who is the author of Breadwinners.

In this episode of the Modern Husbands podcast, we delve into the intricate dynamics of gender roles and economic anxiety. We explore the challenges faced by female breadwinners, the psychological impact of economic instability on men, and the evolving expectations of masculinity. Through insightful discussions, we uncover how societal norms and financial pressures shape relationships and individual well-being. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of these pressing issues and discover actionable steps to foster equality and resilience in modern partnerships.

Show Notes

00:00 Introduction
02:44 What motivated you to write the book, Breadwinners?
04:36 Can you define what it means to be a breadwinner, and distinguish between sole and primary breadwinners?
07:49 Why do some men experience anxiety and stress when their wives are the breadwinners?
09:46 What are the traits and attitudes men possess that lead to high marital satisfaction when he is married to a female breadwinner?
13:29 Why is it that women who earn more often feel the need to overcompensate at home?
17:54 Can you explain the concept of 'exchange-bargaining’ and how money becomes a bargaining chip in domestic labor? 
22:09 Can you describe financial control as a form of power that can easily veer into manipulation?
27:53 How do societal expectations differ for same-sex couples when it comes to earning and domestic responsibilities? 
32:05 What does the science say about the benefits—for children and couples—of dads taking on caregiving roles?
37:03 What are the traits of the men who stay home and take advantage of parental leave, or do not have problems when their wife is the breadwinner?
40:50 What are the consequences of one partner with a low sense of power in the relationship?
42:48 You mention that too little power creates stress, but too much reduces empathy. How can couples find the right balance of shared influence in their relationship?
46:39 What are the small, actionable steps listeners can take today to start shifting power imbalances in their own relationships?

Purchase the book: https://melissahogenboom.com/breadwinners-2/ 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 2:44 What motivated you to write the book, Breadwinners?
• 4:36 Can you define what it means to be a breadwinner, and distinguish between sole and primary breadwinners?
• 7:49 Why do some men experience anxiety and stress when their wives are the breadwinners?
• 9:46 What are the traits and attitudes men possess that lead to high marital satisfaction when he is married to a female breadwinner?
• 13:29 Why is it that women who earn more often feel the need to overcompensate at home?
• 17:54 Can you explain the concept of 'exchange-bargaining’ and how money becomes a bargaining chip in domestic labor?
• 22:09 Can you describe financial control as a form of power that can easily veer into manipulation?
• 27:53 How do societal expectations differ for same-sex couples when it comes to earning and domestic responsibilities?
• 32:05 What does the science say about the benefits—for children and couples—of dads taking on caregiving roles?
• 37:03 What are the traits of the men who stay home and take advantage of parental leave, or do not have problems when their wife is the breadwinner?
• 40:50 What are the consequences of one partner with a low sense of power in the relationship?
• 42:48 You mention that too little power creates stress, but too much reduces empathy. How can couples find the right balance of shared influence in their relationship?