Meet Sara Robinson my new co-host

Meet my wonderful co-host Sara Robinson, She is a PR and Communications Consultant, Journalist & writer. As well as being a councillor for the Labour Party in Cardiff Wales, where she is making a difference already in creating new policies in the city of  Cardiff to make it the most neurodiverse-friendly city in the UK. Listen to this episode to see what that actually means.
what could we do in our spaces to make them more inclusive even in a small way?

We talk about our ADHD journeys how diagnosis can be incredibly powerful and how much processing is needed for many of us.
We talk about the lack of support given by many psychiatrists as the end game seems to be the diagnosis and a wave goodbye.
We share how our different meditation practices have not only improved our executive functioning but enabled us to handle difficult situations with more grace.
We hope you enjoy the episode.
You can find Katie Stibbs at info@katiestibbs.com
or www.welovepeopleschool.com
contact me if you want to find out more about the access to work grant from the UK government. Or want to start to Simplify your life, and learn new skills and strategies to be even more successful by being fully yourself.

you can find Sara Robinson at https://www.sararobinsoncomms.co.uk/

Transcript

Speaker A: Hello and welcome to the podcast ambitious ADHD, where we aim to change the conversation around neurodiversity, to talk about our challenges, our strengths, but to really learn to finally be ourselves because everyone else has taken. Hello and welcome to the podcast. And today I have a guest. And not only is she a guest, but she is going to be my co host. And her name is Sara Robinson and she is many, many things, like all of us. And she is a multi, passionate entrepreneur, she has a PR, a communications company, as well as being a labour counsellor in Cardiff. She is a journalist, she is a writer, she's a sea swimmer, she is a music lover, a meditator, an epic traveler, a mother to a beautiful son. Welcome, Sara.

Speaker B: Oh, my God, Katie. Hello. Hello and thank you for making me sound so much more interesting than I think I am. But when you say it like that, geez, I have so many hobbies and no wonder I'm tired.

Speaker A: Yeah, I know, I totally get that. And I just can't wait to find out even more about you you know, I'm really happy to be starting these conversations with you, as you know, Sarah, because talking to yourself is so difficult sometimes. You've got nobody to chew the fat with and nobody to discuss and get any feedback from. So I am really excited. Our intention is to obviously share our experiences of life, being women who happen to have ADHD as well, and the many challenges, the many strengths and everything in between. And also we are going to have guests on that could share their expertise that can help us all together as a community, find hacks and tips and strategies and laugh together and maybe cry together sometimes. So, really excited to start this part of our journey. And so, Stara, could you share a little bit about your ADHD journey? And when did you suspect that you had ADHD?

Speaker B: Yeah, well, that's a really good question, isn't it? Why am I here? How did we get here? So if you'd have said to me, I don't know, three years ago that I had ADHD, I just sort of laughed at you, mainly because I didn't know what ADHD was. I had a very vague idea that it was about naughty boys, American, maybe just didn't know enough, really didn't know very much about it at all. And then I would never have said that it applied to me because the very little that I knew about ADHD was kind of mired in those and rooted in those stereotypes that we all hear about ADHD all the time. And so, yeah, where did it how on earth am I here at the age of 42? Well, I was diagnosed last August, so just over a year into my journey of self knowledge, if you like. And it came about, actually, because of a family member who I owe a huge amount to, my half sister Lisa, who's a wonderful human being. And she said to me one day we were having lunch, she just said that it's something I might want to consider, that there was a bit of it in kind of her side of the family. And she was very subtle about it. But it kind of set something off inside me where I thought, well, for her to mention that it's probably worth me kind of doing some research just because I respect her opinion and I know that she wouldn't have said it lightly. Having said that, I have sort of known my whole life. I wouldn't say that something wasn't quite right. But I knew that I felt different. And I knew that I felt like sometimes a bit out of kilter, almost like I was dancing to a different rhythm to the people around me. That's until I found my tribe, of course, which I'm sure we'll come on to a bit later. But yeah. So I started reading up about ADHD and the more I read, the more I realized that actually this felt like a cap that really fit me. And also I was getting more and more angry because I realized how all of my stereotypes about ADHD were actually just the male stereotype in terms of how it presents in terms of impulsivity and hyperactivity. And I guess, like many women, I've since learned that hyperactivity is very much turned inwards. So it happens in my head. It's not necessarily kind of presenting itself in the outside world. So, yeah, I did a lot of reading. But what happened, I ended up kicking the ball into the long grass a bit because I was running an election campaign for the first time. It was the first time I got involved in politics and it took a huge amount of energy on top of my day job to kind of run that campaign. So I put it on the back burner a bit. But the whole time I was listening to podcasts, I was reading, I was doing hyper Focus. I guess I realize now it's exactly what I was doing. And the more I read, the more I just realized that this was absolutely something that I thought was going on for me. Which is why I think it's important to say that your own self diagnosis or self identification is just as valid as having an actual diagnosis because nobody lives inside your head except for you. So that I think you're the expert on what's going on for you, really. But I did want some clarity and I did want to know for sure. So I looked into an NHS diagnosis, realized the waiting list was just horrendously far too long, and hopefully that's something we'll cover in a future episode as well. And I made the decision to go private and get that private diagnosis, which I was able to access within months as opposed to years and that was last August. But to be honest, by the time I had that appointment, it just felt like a formality I dread so much and so much had started to make sense about my life, that that was really just the final piece in the jigsaw puzzle, I guess.

Speaker A: Yeah. Can I ask you about that? So what was your experience of getting diagnosed? Was it just like a tick box and kind of I know it's quite extensive, but did your psychiatrist offer you any support or guidance or give you any information? I'm always curious about this.

Speaker B: No. Which is why when people is the short answer. And when people ask me for recommendations for diagnosis, which I get a lot now because I've been very public. I've written a couple of articles about my diagnosis, and I'm doing some work with Cardiff council to try and make us a more neurodiverse friendly city, which we can talk about at more length at some point. But people are coming to me now and asking for recommendations, and I feel torn because the NHS waiting times are sadly not due to any fault of the people in the system, but due to how woefully underfunded the system is. It's just too long, I think, for many people, by the time you're seeking a diagnosis, you are at the end of your tether. You know that there's something that isn't quite right and it's showing up in your life in various ways and presenting various challenges. However, going private was not the kind of panacea that I thought it might be. And I had a real struggle about going private just as a concept. And I had a long debate with my partner at the time about whether this was the right thing to do and whether it felt right, but ultimately for my own self knowledge and also for understanding whether it might be going on for my son, because I had some suspicions that it might be. It felt like the right thing to do. However, I found the pre diagnosis process was very thorough. So you have to fill in a questionnaire. They give you a questionnaire for either your partner or somebody who's known you a long time to fill in in terms of their observations of you. And I found all of that to be very thorough, and the appointment itself was very thorough, but I found that at the end of the appointment, it was very much kind of right. You have ADHD. Off you go. Good luck. Bye bye.

Speaker A: I know.

Speaker B: Is that what happened to you?

Speaker A: Yeah. And this seems to be exactly the process. There is the diagnosis and there you go. Bye bye.

Speaker B: Unless you, of course, in which case they will take your money and you have further appointments. But yeah, I'm sorry that that happened to you too. Do you mind me asking a bit about your diagnosis and how you became aware of it and that it might be happening for you.

Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. So obviously, within my family because obviously families know you best. There has been many long standing jokes about kind of losing things, not being able to do things in the certain way that other people can do, being creative in a way with the fairies, all of those things that stick and you kind of internalize, but it's from your family, and they only are kidding. And they've got no idea that actually this was a real thing. But my brother, who's absolutely gorgeous and would never interfere if he didn't think it was kind of appropriate, sent me an article. Actually, I think it might have been in the Times or The Guardian about a writer, a male writer that had been just been diagnosed, famous writer, can't think of his name at kind of 57. And the article was about doing the research about ADHD. And then it turned out that he was ADHD, and he described all of the things that I struggle with and he struggled with relationships and communication and know, big emotions and all of the things. And my brother sent it to me and said, katie, read this. I think this is why you struggle with certain things. And I read this article and I literally burst into tears.

Speaker B: Oh, my God.

Speaker A: Because I'd suspected it, and I kind of had put it away on the back burner. But then my brother it was really validating for me, actually having my brother that I respect. Yeah, exactly. That I respect so much kind of saying, it's not you, it's this. And yes, I too went and paid privately. Long story, but my psychiatrist actually sent me an email saying, you have to have an ECG because of the potential medication that they put you on. I am on medication now. But I hadn't even spoken to him, I don't think, in person. But he sent me an email saying and I opened it while I was about to go and do a workshop. And the email said, I think according to your ECG, you've had several small heart attacks. And I burst into tears because my dad died of a heart attack when I was 34. So it was obviously a real trigger for me. And actually, I just couldn't believe it. And I phoned up and just went absolutely nuts.

Speaker B: Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. That feels like not a very human way to deal with somebody at a.

Speaker A: Time when you really need absolutely not from a psychiatrist. And I really, really gave him what for.

Speaker B: Good on you. Isn't that interesting that we both came at this after a family member kind of gave us a nod and a wink?

Speaker A: Yeah, because they know you best. And you know what? It was the most honestly, I'd never forget that afternoon. It was kind of yes. Oh, my goodness. All of that internalized kind of confusion and angst kind of validated so yeah, it was a really good turning point for.

Speaker B: Brother what's his name? I feel like we should give him a shout out.

Speaker A: My brother James. He is just the most gorgeous human being.

Speaker B: Well done, James. Well done for helping Katie get to this point because she wouldn't be in my life if it wasn't for you. So. Thanks, James. Thank you James.

Speaker A: You're a star. Yeah. So yeah, it really was a revelation. And what did you do with that information once you had mean I've had a real like well, it's quite a journey, isn't it? And then I've come back to kind of yeah, it's okay, it's okay. But I was actually sick of hearing and talking about it and now I'm like actually I've accepted it. It's part of who I am and it's really important that other people get to learn to be themselves and all of that. But did you go on a similar journey?

Speaker B: Absolutely. It was a roller coaster and I feel like I'm still on it. I think they talk about, and I wrote this in an article recently, actually, is that after the diagnosis, what felt like an instant hit of just relief and validation and you know that feeling you described, if it's not me, all the things I've struggled with around big emotions and rejection sensitivity and justice sensitivity and all being told that I lose. Thank God I was nodding so much through that. All the things your family tell you that you're scatty but you're the life and soul of the party but you also need to go in line a darkened room for a day if you've been spending in social situation. All of that. I just had this instant feeling of oh my God, my whole life makes sense. Everything about my life just makes sense. But what they didn't warn me and what I think they should warn you during the diagnosis is that it takes a huge amount of time to process the diagnosis. So that relief kind of quickly turned into sadness and anger that I hadn't been identified earlier. But then I was brought up in the it wasn't a thing then, but even through my thirty s, I think of all the doctors that I saw and therapists and why anybody never suggested that this was a thing. So I went through that phase of being angry. I'm definitely over that now. But then I had I don't know about you, but I had this real and this is ongoing to this day. I'll be driving or in the shower or in the bath and some random memory from 1993 or something will pop up and I'll think, oh, that's why I did that. That's why I got into trouble that time. Or I did that stupid thing. Just random it's like popcorn going off in my brain. And so the processing I think, is not linear. It never ends. And because I did that absolute classic ADHD thing of once I knew I had it, I needed to absorb and inhale everything I could about it. And I did that to the point, like you, I made myself sick. I got really bored of it and I thought, I don't want this to define me. It's not everything about who I am. And kind of stopped absorbing any content at all. And then I started to talk about it again more gradually just because of the work I was doing in my council role around neurodiversity. And through that, I think it helped me kind of rediscover readmit to myself that actually, it is a massive part of who I am. And I'm processing, not having known this for the last 42 years. So I'm kind of doing 42 years worth of catch up. So it's okay if I hyper focus on this for a bit, because I feel like I now just really want to help other women in particular and girls who are going through this and either haven't been spotted until it's far too late or who have been and are fortunate to get the diagnosis but are wondering kind of what next? Or am I normal for thinking this way and how are you supposed to deal with it? Because there is no right way. I think that's the answer is it.

Speaker A: It'S really, you know sorry, go on.

Speaker B: No, this is so classic that we're going to talk over each other. Katie, we're going to be doing talking.

Speaker A: Over each other so often, we might get used to it.

Speaker B: I was curious about kind of your post diagnosis journey and why you feel like you're still on it and how that's been for you. Really?

Speaker A: Yes, just like you said. That totally resonates with me because I was a coach and kind of therapist and many things before that. I suddenly was obviously talking about that a lot and then really didn't want to be defined by it because I really believe that people are people. And I was getting just so many medical questions about my diagnosis, and I ended up kind of talking and helping with things that were good in the moment for other people, but weren't necessarily what I wanted to do. But come full circle, I kind of kind of stopped doing everything that I was doing ADHD wise, kind of talking about it, and then ironically, was doing lots of internal meditation E type work, which we'll talk about another time. Don't want to bore you with meditation on this episode because I know people switch off when you stop to talk about that sometimes and realized that, well, just naturally, people were just coming to me through different means and most of them were neurodiverse because I see their experiences that validate my experiences that also make me think, oh, my God, you are amazing. And because I totally understand where they're coming from, I'm very happy, excited, inspired by them for my natural progression to be helping them with their ADHD and actually it helps me with mine. It's a two way street because I am supporting them, see the brilliance in them and the blind spots, and then you see this kind of correlation, this thread that is running through all of us that is so similar it can't be ignored, which then, in turn make me think, I'm not making this up. I'm not making this up.

Speaker B: This is real.

Speaker A: Which sounds ridiculous, but I still have those kind of wow moments now. And it's because of the people that I support that also validate my journey, my experience. So it's absolutely wonderful, to be honest.

Speaker B: What a privilege. A for you to be able to support people, but B, for the people you work with to know that they're talking to somebody who understands. Because I did a bit of work with an ADHD coach last year and it was amazing just being able to work with a woman where you have this shortcut, this language. I didn't need to explain why I was scatty and why I needed things presented in a certain way. She just knew. So she'd say, I'll follow this up with an email. Don't worry about writing it down because she knew if it went into a notebook, it would just be forgotten within days. And yeah, how amazing that you've carved out a career for yourself just accidentally, I guess, that you've ended up working with lots of neurodiverse people. And I wonder if that comes back to the whole thing about finding your try, which I hope we can do a whole episode on at some point, because I think something huge about post diagnosis or post kind of realization. I think it's so important that you surround yourself with people who can remind you that it's okay to be yourself and that it is a real thing. There's so much negative kind of media discourse at the moment, and it's so damaging. It's so damaging where you've got people who know nothing, who are not qualified to be commenting on this stuff, talking about ADHD being a trendy label and all of those things. And I think if you lived for a day in the head, if one of those writers just lived in one of our heads for a day, they would realize that a, it's real, b, it can be hugely debilitating if you're not managing it well and you can't communicate it to the people around you. And it makes me incredibly angry, which is kind of why I'm here talking to you today, because I feel really passionately about we need to have these conversations, and as women in business doing great things in the world, we need to help inspire women that a diagnosis is not the end of the world, it's just the beginning of a new one. It was for me, anyway.

Speaker A: It is the beginning. I really believe that and I really want to ask you, actually, because of your passion for getting the message out there and validating that it is absolutely real. How has that impacted the work that you're doing then, with Cardiff Council?

Speaker B: That's really great question. So when I was elected, I didn't know that I had ADHD, and I wonder now, because I now know that rejection sensitivity is a real thing. It's a big element of ADHD for a lot of people, and I definitely have it. You'd probably ask yourself, why on earth would somebody with RSD decide to stand for election and ask people to vote for them and then spend the next five years being kicked for all the things that you haven't? You know, that's politics, isn't it? But there are a huge amount of people in politics with ADHD. So Tom Watson, who's the former leader of the Labour Party, has been really open. There are a couple of Labour politicians, certainly, that I know that have been really open about their diagnosis as well. So, anyway sorry. So when I got elected, I didn't know. And when you are newly elected to any council, unless you are lucky enough to be appointed to the cabinet, which is very unusual in your first term, you end up being what's known as a backbencher, which means you represent your ward. You try and do the best job that you can standing up for the ward that you represent, but ultimately your power is really limited in terms of what you can achieve. So I started to look at where can backbenchers have influence, where can we have kind of where is that element of being able to change things for the better? Because I wanted to make sure that even as a backbencher, I was able to have that kind of positive impact, I guess. And a colleague actually approached me, saying that he was considering bringing a motion around neurodiversity and by this point, I had been diagnosed, although I wasn't talking about it very openly, and I thought, absolutely, yes, this is a brilliant opportunity for us to bring forward a policy change at city level, which will hopefully have a positive impact on people's lives. So he sent me the draft text of Emotion, which I was able to bring in some external advice on, and we really beefed it up and kind of strengthened that motion to the point where it became a motion that called on Cardiff Council to become I think it'll probably be the first in the UK. Or I need to check that. Certainly in Wales, the first neurodiversity friendly city. And what that means in practice is looking at things like how our services are designed, how people access services, our public spaces and how they're designed in the public realm, and how we present this information to people in the city as well. So how we signpost, recognizing that a local authority can only do so much, so much around ADHD and neurodiversity, in general is under the banner of the health service or mental health services sometimes. So how can we make sure that we have a joined up approach and that we're working together to make this city a place where neurodiverse people can not just be kind of seen and not just kind of accepted? But are actually allowed to thrive, and that there are spaces in the city where they can go, where they can be themselves and feel themselves and silly little things like I get sensory overload if I'm out shopping. So if I'm out shopping for a long time, sometimes I just teeter on the verge of I need a bed in a quiet room just for ten minutes. But there are loads of businesses out there, and I didn't realize this until being diagnosed that offer those quiet spaces, but there's no one place where you can go and find out that information. So just simple things like presenting, having one website where people can go and find out where in the city center is a safe space for me if I'm neurodiverse. And then that goes right up to, how do we design more inclusive spaces? Because more inclusive spaces are better for everybody, not just neurodiverse people. Sorry, I could waffle on about this forever, but I am passionate about it. So, yeah, we worked on that motion. We worked hard, we got lots of input from experts, we looked to other cities and best practice, and we put forward the motion finally in September of this year, 23, and I'm so proud of this. The motion passed unanimously, which meant every single party voted for it. Not one person voted a game store abstained, which in politics, or local politics in particular, is practically unheard of. And what was really touching was that during that session, the amount of people, the amount of counselors that stood up and talked openly and honestly about their own struggles with whether that be autism or ADHD or either personally or in their family and their children. And then I started to realize, I think that was the first penny drop moment for me, where I realized that actually, this is an issue that is not a niche issue, it's not a kind of marginal issue. This is an issue that impacts so many people, up to one in five of us, as neurodivergent. So if you're not neurodivergent, you know somebody who is. You work with them, you love them, you will know somebody in your life. So, yeah, proud to say, motion past, which sounds like a bodily movement, is pretty gross, I know, but it was. And we had our first meeting last week with officers to talk about the action plans and strategies that are being put in place. And it's amazing the energy that Cardiff Council officers are bringing to oh, sorry.

Speaker A: Can I just say, Blooming, congratulations on that. That is amazing.

Speaker B: Oh, thank you. But this is very much a team effort. So I don't want to take the credit, I want to name check. Actually, my colleague, he's Councillor Jamie Green, he represents award in the north of the city, and the wards that we represent would not be more different. So I represent award in the city center that is quite deprived. So in terms of our day to day casework, what we see is quite different. But the thread that unites us in terms of the residents that we help is that the struggles people have where they have neurodiversity in their family and you realize that economically, socially, educationally, it doesn't matter where there is neurodiversity, people can really struggle with systems that weren't designed for them. And we're both so passionate about changing that. And we'll start in Cardiff and then hopefully some of those cities might follow suit and, yeah, who knows where it might go?

Speaker A: I've literally got oh, thank you.

Speaker B: But I guess what this has allowed me to do is find my purpose. When I stood for election, I wasn't quite sure, apart from my core values, my social justice and equality and equity of opportunity, apart from those kind of core driving values, I wasn't sure where I would fit in or what difference I could make and why me? And I went through that whole impostor syndrome thing and I feel like I have finally found the area where not only can I make a difference, but I am passionate about making it. So, yeah, I'm really pleased, I'm very excited. And I just want to give a massive thanks to my colleague, Jamie Green, who's been driving so much of this work and he's neurodiverse himself. And it's been brilliant to work in a team and you realize what two neurodiverse people can do when you give them a challenge or a focus. It's quite terrifying, really.

Speaker A: Absolutely brilliant. Well done. Shout out to Jamie Green. And I was just wondering then, how the hell do you manage to juggle not only your own business, your son, everything else, and being a counselor? I mean, seriously, how do you do that?

Speaker B: Well, depends what day you ask me as to whether I think I'm doing it successfully or not. But I guess I have through my whole life. And I'm sure you're the same without knowing you had ADHD. I have always been obsessed with time, just as a concept. I remember when I was young, just thinking there won't be enough time to read all the books I want to read before I die, and just having this idea of time being a finite resource and how you spend it really matters. So I've always had this kind of real focus on spending my time in places that matter where I can. And so the opportunity to stand for election was one that was too good to turn down. But it does have its challenges, because there are only certain amount of hours in the day. And so how I manage it is just I use a whole load of productivity hacks and time hacks to make sure I'm really focused about how I spend my time and how I get results from where I spend my time. And hopefully we're going to share those hacks because yeah, hacks is one of my favorite things to talk about, but also to learn from people about as well. I guess my son's a bit older so he's doing his A levels now. I get up early and I meditate, which really helps me focus in what I want to achieve that day. I use a variety of tools and I try and build in work life balance. So I am really strict with myself about making sure that I either run or walk or have some form of kind of activity every day because the more I do that, the better I get and the more productive I am in the time I have available to serve my clients or serve my residents. It's a case of just being and also boundaries and I know we could probably do about seven episodes on boundaries, but just being really clear where I can and cannot help people and being able to signpost people to where they can get more effective support in the cases where I can't help them. Because when I started after I was just elected, I felt as if I'd have to help everybody immediately and I had to quickly learn that it's just not possible and that sometimes the kindest thing you can do is signpost people to where they can get more kind of targeted support in that particular area. So yeah, I guess just being really conscious about my time. I don't drink, which helps, which means that my social life mainly revolves around kind of Sunday lunches with my friends and my running club, which means that I probably have a lot more time available than I certainly did in my 20s anyway. So yeah, it's definitely an ongoing journey learning how to stroke and what I found is that you never get the balance perfectly right at any one time. I probably feel like I'm dropping a ball in one particular thing. But I also know that and this is the first time in my life I've been able to say this, so I might get emotional, but I know that I bring a huge amount to all of my roles and I know that I have a huge amount to offer. So even if I'm just achieving 70% of what I'm aiming for, I know that that's good enough. And just being able to say that to myself after a lifetime of feeling like nothing's ever good enough or I'm not good enough, that's huge. That's been my biggest growth.

Speaker A: That is the best kind of accolade or that is just the best interpretation of kind of what can come out of getting a diagnosis and understanding yourself more and is that a culmination of just processing all of the information and all of your life experience? Or do you think it just also comes with age and accepting yourself?

Speaker B: I think there's a bit of both, certainly since I hit 40, I'm going to swear now. But you know that whole thing about **** budget and kind of how many FS do you have to give in a certain day and who are you going to give them to or what are you going to give them to? So I've become much better at that since turning 40. Just people don't like me. I'm not going to be for everyone, that's fine. Definitely a bit of age, but I definitely think that a huge amount of it comes from the diagnosis and understanding myself and knowing where my strengths lie and also being able to accept my challenges. So instead of beating myself up for the things that I'm not so great at, I e. Organization, I've just built some systems that help me be better at it. And I think of it like scaffolding a little bit. I've got this kind of really intricate scaffolding that kind of keeps everything working. And if one particular app that I use were to break or were to go offline, then I wonder what I would do. I think I'd be particularly lost on the one day and hopefully it'd be back up again quickly and everything would be fine.

Speaker A: What app are you talking about there?

Speaker B: So they're not plugging the show in any way, but maybe we'll get them on Sponsor one day. So I use an American app called Sunsama. Sunsama? And it's a productivity scheduling app. And it wasn't designed for neurodiverse people, but what they found was that neurodiverse people really loved it. And I think I understand why. Because it's a really simple platform that helps make me if I look at a week's to do list, it can often feel overwhelming, but it allows me to plan my weeks to do list over the days available to me in the week and just makes it much less overwhelming because you can assign time to tasks and you realize, actually, I'm going to need a bit more time on this day because this is quite a big, intensive thing that I'm doing. And on this day I can probably do more shorter tasks. It just helps me think about the shape of my week. And it's got the lovely dopamine hit of when you tick an item off. It's just got a really lovely noise that it makes. I just really like the pleasure of the ticking an item off. So Sunsama is basically key to scaffolding in which my entire life is held. And if, God forbid, they ever sell it or anything bad ever happens to it, I'd just find another one. But I've realized over the years I've used various predecessors to Sunsarma, so I used to use an app called Wonderlist before that there was something called Todoist or Evernote. I've always used a version of a system. It's just now I know that I have to have one and why it's so important. Yeah, so that's kind of how I organize it. And I was curious about you as well because you're an absolute ninja. You do your coaching work, you've got your fingers in so many pies and you're also a single. I hope it's okay to say that. So we've got that in common. How do you manage everything that you need to do whilst keeping your sanity?

Speaker A: Good question. Similar to you, I do try and simplify as many things as possible. Probably like you, because I literally do not have the brain capacity and now I realize that I actually don't and I know why I can kind of accept that a lot more. And I'm just talking like I live in a very small house and this needs to be simplified more. But I used to live in a very big house and now I live in a very small house. So it's things like for me having kind of like ten plates rather than 20 plates or all of that excess baggage that is physically around me. I am still messy, but I try and kind of make sure that I wake up to a clean sink at least and everything away cleaned in the dishwasher, simple things like that. I wake up before my children and even though I never thought that I would like to be a morning person without I just never thought ever in my life. But it's force, I suppose. So it makes me wonder that when I don't have to do that, I'm going to have to be really strict with myself because it forces me out of bed and before I wake them up, I meditate or do some energy work, clearing energy, getting grounded. We'll talk about that in other episodes coming into my body rather than out of my body and always in my head. So that's been a massive game changer for me. So I'm more present and I've just started to be much quieter, like internally trusting my intuition that's another episode, but just going from moment to moment. So I plan what I have to if it's forced, but I like to more these days really kind of go in and decide what to do next, next. Which is actually how I managed to kind of meet you, Sarah, actually, because more and more these things are happening where I'm just kind of putting it sounds like really hippie, but it's actually I've got some real experience. Of this being true now for me personally, just kind of being intentional with my thoughts and what I want and my kind of energy and intentions, and then it kind of playing out and then not trying to sweat the small stuff in between.

Speaker B: Yeah, I think we should have a woo woo claxon for the podcast. There are things that will come up that five years ago, I'd have laughed and said, oh, that's just woo woo. It's not for me, but I'm a big believer in energy and intentionality and just kind of setting intentions for yourself and deciding how you want to be. And the sweating, the small stuff is huge because I used to spend so much time worrying about teeny little things and about people who absolutely weren't worrying about me. Learning to let all of that go, I think is just massive. And I think how you start your day is really important too. But I'm not one of those annoying people on Instagram who are like, get up at 04:00 A.m. And do some sun salutations. I'm not that person.

Speaker A: I only do it because I've seen, because it's the only option for me. It's the only option I found for me, that literally is like medicine. So it clears my head. It just centers me and just makes me be able to kind of get on with the day. Otherwise, forget it.

Speaker B: Yeah, same. And I would have laughed at you again if you told me three years ago that I would be a daily meditator because I've tried and failed for so many years, because of ADHD, because of the noisy brain that never quietens down, I would have laughed in your face. And yeah, now I'm a year into my meditation practice and I just think, why did I not do this earlier? Because everything just seems much more manageable, even the really tough days, and there have been tough days, and there will be tough days again, no doubt. Just made more bearable by having that space, holding that space to get like you said, it's about getting out of your head. Because I think us women with ADHD often just live in our heads all of the time. And we're thinking about all the things we have to do and all the things we haven't done and all the things we need to plan and all the know. When you've got kids, it's lunches and costumes and school trips and pocket money and oh, it's just Anders. The demands on our time from the moment we wake up. So I think if you can take that time to just sit down and just be even just for ten minutes in the morning, it's so powerful. But I don't want to be that. Like, people who convert to something and.

Speaker A: Then I know, like people who give.

Speaker B: Up meat or smoking or whatever it is, I don't want to be that person, because I also understand the struggle. And the only thing that worked for me was trying a very different form of agitation to anyone that I tried before. But, yeah, let's do a whole show on that.

Speaker A: Yeah, let's do a whole show on it, because I really want to know about I know your form of meditation is transcendental meditation. And you know what I've always liked? I'll be honest here, I've always turned my nose up at it because I just always thought, well, why would I want to pay somebody to meditate, which is free, which I totally don't agree with now. And I know so many amazing people that I really admire and respect that that is their go to type of meditation. So I really want to understand that more. So I'd love us to be able to discuss and also to be able to kind of share with people different types of things that they can do. Because I know the ADHD brain, it's like a contradiction. It's like, no way, no way, no way. But actually, you've got to believe us here. Sarah and I realized through trial and error that this is such a huge resource for you if you persevere. So we'll get into that on another episode. There's so many things that we want to talk about and obviously we'll get guests on, hopefully with their expertise, we'll definitely be talking over each other then, won't we, Sarah?

Speaker B: God, I don't know how it's going to work. We're going to need some form of a buzzer or something. I know, because we need a visual.

Speaker A: We need a visual. I think.

Speaker B: I'll have a think about how we make that work, but yeah, I'm very excited. I'm very excited about some of the amazing people that we've already invited on and that have said yes. And I think the more we can just get the word out about the different strategies that you can use. Like you said, what works for me or what works for you won't necessarily work for other people out there. But I think it's really valuable to have the conversation and let people pick what might work for them, but just to have the conversations and make people realize that you don't have to do this alone. Whether you're medicated or not, there are strategies and systems and all kinds of things that you can try to see if they help alleviate some of the noise and some of the busyness.

Speaker A: Yeah, not to give up because there are ways. You're right. There are ways, there are people, there are strategies and we can always change and grow and learn. I'm always trying to learn new things. We're lifelong learners, I suppose, the ADHD.

Speaker B: Community, definitely, I feel like that's my I'm going to be learning till my deathbed, I hope. And I think if you give up, if you're not if that's not your mindset, then are you even living? Really important to be open to trying new things and learning new things. And this is what I'm most excited about doing this podcast with you for.

Speaker A: Really? Is yeah. Learning.

Speaker B: Learn. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker A: Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant. I'm so excited. Listen, I am so happy that you've decided to join me on here and yeah, happy. And I will see you next time amazing.

Speaker B: I look forward to it.

Speaker A: Lots of love. Thank you for joining us. I hope you enjoyed the episode. If you would like more of this kind of stuff, join us at We Love People School. For people that want to create lasting relationships, great communication, and build a life, that means that they can be fully themselves. Thank you for listening.