Christmas Holiday Special, Strategies and Ideas to thrive during the holidays.

Are you dreading the holiday chaos? Wondering how to keep your ADHD in check while juggling Christmas shopping, family gatherings, and festive preparations? Fear not! In this special holiday episode, we've got you covered with our top tips and life hacks for surviving and thriving this festive season.

Highlights of the Episode:

Festive Faux Pas: Ever felt overwhelmed by the holiday rush? We share personal stories of festive blunders and how we bounced back stronger and wiser.

Holiday Hacks for ADHD: Discover our tried-and-tested strategies for managing time, avoiding over-commitment, and keeping your cool amid the holiday hustle.

Relationship Rescues: Learn how to navigate family dynamics and social events without losing your sanity or straining your relationships.

Mindful Merrymaking: Embrace the joy of the season with mindfulness techniques tailored for ADHD minds.

Question Corner: We answer your burning questions about managing ADHD during the most wonderful (and chaotic) time of the year!

Join us as we dive into these topics and share our personal experiences, offering you a festive toolkit to manage your ADHD with flair. It's all about making your holidays merry, bright, and ADHD-friendly!

Connect with Us:

Katie Stibbs

Email: info@katiestibbs.com

Website: We Love People School: LINK

Looking for guidance for navigating life with ADHD? Contact Katie to learn more about the Access to Work grant from the UK government, and discover strategies for simplifying your life and achieving success by embracing your authentic self.

Sara Robinson

Email: sara@sararobinsoncomms.co.uk

Website: Sara Robinson Communications: https://www.sararobinsoncomms.co.uk/

Award-winning PR Consultant, Trainer, Content Writer, and Labour Councillor in Cardiff.

Reach out to Sara for expert advice on PR and communication strategies, writing services and training.

Transcript

Speaker A: Hello and welcome to the podcast Ambitious ADHD, where we aim to change the conversation around neurodiversity, to talk about our challenges, our strengths, but to really learn to finally be ourselves because everyone else is taken Christmas hello and welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining us. Now this episode is dedicated to Christmas. Are you dreading the holiday chaos? Are you wondering how to keep your ADHD in check whilst you also juggle the shopping, while you also juggle family gatherings, create your festive preparations? Well, fear not, in this Christmas holiday episode we have got this cover for you. So we are going to be sharing our top tips, our life hacks, for surviving and really enjoying and thriving in this festive season. So welcome, welcome. And Sarah, how are you this week?

Speaker B: Hello, Nadola Clauwan, as we say in Wales on Merry Christmas to you, Katie.

Speaker A: Thank you very much. I would love to be able to say that back to you, but I really, really cannot.

Speaker B: Something to aim for for next year. Right, exactly.

Speaker A: Exactly that. And how are your Christmas preparations going? And be totally honest, Sarah, well, they're.

Speaker B: A mixed bag really. I have a real love hate relationship with Christmas. I love bits of it. I love the catching up with people you might not see all year, but there's parts of it I really hate. And the biggest thing I hate is the pressure. And yeah, I think Christmas is a very neurotypical holiday because I think it's really hard for people to understand how difficult it can be. So we had a family gathering on the weekend because my family all did it a little bit early because we're all going to be in various places at Christmas. So we had, I don't know, about 15 people in a house and it was very noisy and it was lovely to see them all. But afterwards I had to lie in a darkened room for a few hours just to kind of recover from the sensory overload. But trying to explain that is just, I think if your family don't really understand the condition or how it shows up, it can be really difficult. Trying to explain that you find it exhausting because I think some people just generally love all of it and can do endless socializing and be absolutely fine. But I feel like us ADHD needs that battery recharge if we've done too much of it. And I think possibly I'm verging on having done a bit too much of it already this year.

Speaker A: And I just wonder, this is just like me reflecting on are there any of your family members that are the life and soul of the party, but might be secretly going also back to a darkened room.

Speaker B: Yeah, I don't want to out anybody, but I think I can see certain members of my family that they also share that kind of needing to withdraw and recharge a bit. But nobody else in my family is diagnosed, and that's usually me. It's usually me. That's the life and soul of the party. But then I need to go and have a serious lie down and not speak any words and just not be around anybody. But that's really hard at Christmas, right? If you're going home to stay with family and you've got nowhere to escape, then it can be really stressful for people. Which is why, yeah, today's episode is all about how you can navigate that, really, and how you can just have some strategies in place, little notes you can make in your phone as reminders, just little things that you can do or things that work for me. And I know some things that work for you as well, just to share with the audience so that they know they're not alone. And other people do often struggle with certain elements of Christmas, too. But there's no reason why you can't put some strategies in place and learn to enjoy the good bits, too.

Speaker A: Absolutely. And then obviously coming onto that, thinking about the fact that this is such a hereditary pattern in many cases, that children of us, parents are often neurodiverse as well. So kind of preempting those family gatherings with conversations, which I don't think we could have had quite a number of years ago, but now it seems that we are able to have those conversations. And especially if you're traveling long distances with children and then going, like you said, coming out of your routine, maybe staying on camp beds, sofa beds, lack of sleep, all of the things that really exacerbate our challenges, it's really good, isn't it, to be able to have those conversations, pre going into those situations?

Speaker B: Oh, definitely. That was one of my top tips, is communication. So I think I feel so lucky. My son has grown up now, and I wasn't. Well, not grown up, but he's nearly 17, and I was only diagnosed last year. So this is really only our second Christmas where I've been diagnosed. But we do suspect that there's a diagnosis there for him when he wants to kind of go down that path as well. And suddenly everything from Christmas has passed. Just makes so much sense. And I think one of the key things is to be able to say to your family, actually, these are the triggers I have for me or for my children. And this is why we need to plan accordingly. And I think the conversation is getting to a place now where people are able to hear that, but that's not necessarily true of all families. I know, but I do think one of the best things you can do is just explain to the people around you that you need to organize your Christmas in a certain way, because the consequences of not doing so are just really difficult, either for you or for your children. And I think the more we talk about this stuff, like with any relationship issues or problems or like anything in life, really, the more you can be honest about it, the more chance there is of you being understood, hopefully in the best family scenarios anyway. But I know that that's not always the case and can be a challenge in some family settings as well.

Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. Because we go into our family dynamics, we turn back into children. People don't necessarily have the grace and the understanding within families. It's just a strange thing. And obviously there's so many different family dynamics going on. But I do think it's worth you being the one to change that narrative and just explore and experiment with a little pre plan in a humorous way, sending that out to your brother, your sister, your mother in law.

Speaker B: Yeah, I know it's scary to do it. It's especially scary, I think, if you're newly diagnosed or one of your children is, and you've never had to do this before, so suddenly you're having to, because what you're doing really is putting boundaries in place, aren't you around how you spend your time, any kind of recharge strategies that you need. And if you haven't done it historically, then it can feel like a bit of a jolt. But it will only feel that difficult once people understand and appreciate and also see the difference it makes in terms of how frazzled you are or how your children are managing through this period, then hopefully the second time you have to explain it. It's not quite as scary and definitely not as difficult.

Speaker A: And also, if you've had children that kind of, I hate to say, like act out or they're in a different environment anyway and it's Christmas and supercharged, and if they are neurodiverse, that kind of expectation or that, oh, they're coming around again and they're probably going to do this, that and the other or whatever that story is that is potentially going around in the family member's head. I think that's just so amazing to be able to, like we said, language it for the first time in many cases, there's nothing wrong with the child that is overexcited and acting out. They're just really overstimulated, tired and excited.

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. And then explaining what plans you need to put in place and how people can support you. And I think where people often struggle with this conversation is that they don't know how to because they don't know enough about the condition. They feel worried and they don't know how to help you. So they either just pretend it doesn't exist, which is not helpful at all, or they're kind of trying hard to overcompensate. And I think the best thing you can do is explain, because it's different for everybody, right. It's different for every child and it's different for every listener. We will all experience this differently. So the best thing you can do is just be really explicit as much as possible. And that might be listening. On Boxing Day, I'm going to need to spend a few hours going for a walk just by myself or with my child and just to take us out of that situation for a few hours or we're going to need a little rest after the queen's beat of King's beat. Sorry. Oh, my God. We're going to need a little rest or whatever that might look like for you in your setting. You will know what works for you and your child and the more you can communicate that to your family and the more they see the upside of you doing so. I think when you help people to help you, it's just much easier when you're specific. Do you find that?

Speaker A: Yeah. Really being specific and doing it kind of with a bit of humor and a bit of lightness and a bit of like, oh, this is new for all of us. Let's explore what this could mean. And I know this is impossible for many people, but I find that people that are able to plan ahead and find an Airbnb or a travel lodge or whatever your budget kind of can stretch to. It also can be really helpful to get that space.

Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Like you say, if you can afford it, then great. And if you've planned ahead, then great. But it's definitely one of my top tips is I really don't like staying out of home and routine generally. And you can imagine how stressful it is for children who can't communicate that or might not even recognize that. So if you can get yourself a room at the inn, then that's brilliant because you've got that space to withdraw back to and just have some downtime and some quiet time and you're not feeling under pressure. So I think that's a great tip and I wish I'd learned that years ago. So would definitely suggest that.

Speaker A: Yeah. And also I just think there's an element of not wanting to offend and possibly the family members that really enjoy you going there. That can be a challenging conversation, but if you can really have an explanation and reasons why and if you can really practice those conversations, I just think practicing conversations is such a big opportunity for people with ADHD to navigate conversations in a better way by practicing them with somebody else before they go in for definitely these kind of explanations because I don't know if you're anything like me, but previously it all comes out.

Speaker B: In the way and it's not what you meant to say. Yeah, definitely that. I think practicing or writing it down and your phone and thinking about what the objections might be and understand being able to communicate that if you and your child or children have a better time, then everybody will have a better time, and there'll still be plenty of time to spend together as a family, but it will be quality time, like, genuinely quality time. And everyone's able to meet their own needs in the way that you're suggesting as well. But, yeah, I'm not saying it's not tough. So I think rehearsing it and having that confidence as well, having that confidence that it's okay to set those boundaries and it's actually better not just for you or your family, but everyone involved, it's better. You're actually doing something that will result in a better Christmas for everybody.

Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. And just in terms of practical, should we start with the practical, the kind of more? And I just wanted to share with everyone because Sarah introduced me to the fact that you can buy bags that are reusable that I've never, ever seen before, and I didn't even know they existed, and I can't believe it. So I, for the first time, have 80 bags ready to go. They're kind of beautiful Christmas bags that are reusable with drawstrings and tags and bows. And I'm just like, I've told my mom, she's like, oh, my God, you're kidding me. Because I am artsy and creative, but I cannot stand wrapping presents. The style of tape issue, the scissors, it just drives me insane. So thank you so much for sharing that with Sarah.

Speaker B: Oh, Katie, you're so love. I think eventually we'll spread the word and nobody will wrap presents anymore, apart from those really strange people, like my sister, sorry, Rachel. Who really enjoy wrapping presents and making beautiful things happen with the bow. And I just think, you know what, people, especially children, they rip off the paper. They pay no adhed to it. It might look nice under the tree for a bit, but actually it's much better for the environment if you're putting your presents in something that can be reused year after year. So I know people who use cloth and use fabric really creatively, but, yeah, these reusable metallic bags are just a godsend because they look Christmassy, they look lovely, but afterwards you can gather them all up, stick them in a big bag and put them in the attic and use them again next year. So I'm on year five of using my reusable Christmas bags now.

Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.

Speaker B: I'm not on commission, but it saves me so much time because I personally hate just what I feel like is doing anything that is a waste of time. So I feel like wrapping presents is a big waste of time. I do like people unwrapping presents, but I do not want to spend hours bent over a rug.

Speaker A: Really hooked with the back ache as well.

Speaker B: Especially if you're buying a lot and there's a lot to wrap and that's a whole other thing, buying too much. I'm sure we'll come on to that. Is it can just take so much time and really hurt. Why bother when you can just pop them all in a bag, make a pretty bow, super easily stick them under the tree. So that is my, well, it's my number one practical Christmas hack because so many people don't think of it and then get really stressed when they have to do all that wrapping on Christmas.

Speaker A: And then can't find the wrapping paper, like I've done many years, and just like, leave it and then just. Oh, my goodness me. Exactly. I, this year, have just made it very simple. I've just written a list for every person in my Evernote app, which was a bit similar to your app that you use, probably, Sarah. But. So I've just simply so because I forget what I've bought, I'm sure like many people and then rebuy and then get in a right old mess. So I've just simplified it. And what I tend to do is I go on the m m direct. Is it m m direct? M m website.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: And so, for example, I just try and buy most of my, this is for my children, but most of my gifts on there. And then it gives me great pleasure when it said I'd spent 250 pounds but saved 650 pounds.

Speaker B: Amazing.

Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. And you get weird and wonderful things on there that actually anything from Adidas, kind of special running stuff with like prints for saskia and ugg boot slippers and new balance trainers, puma trainers, and there's real, real bargains on there. So I just want to get everything from the same place. And I also love still marks and Spencer's.

Speaker B: You can't go wrong with a bit of m s online.

Speaker A: And they have loads of weird and wonderful sales on there. Once they sent me double what they should have done and when I said, look, I actually said, you've sent me double, they just said, oh, don't worry about it. Our mistake.

Speaker B: Well, fair play to them. Merry Christmas from Merry Christmas.

Speaker A: But anything that makes things simple, keep it simple.

Speaker B: I think one of the big problems with Christmas for me is it's full of shoulds and that's made a lot worse by social media. So you should have this massive tree that's perfectly trimmed and your gifts should look a certain way. And I just think the more we can step away from the shoulds and think about how we want our christmases to be, the better, really. Because I don't think people with ADHD are very good at shoulds and it can put a huge amount of pressure on you at a time of year when there's already so much extra stuff to do. So anything that keeps it simple. I especially love your tip about writing what you're going to buy for people before you do. Because I have pre diagnosis in the past been very guilty of, because I'll impulse buy, for example, if I'm in town and I'll think, oh, that looks great, so and so will love that. I'll forget I got it and then end up buying them another gift and another one sometimes. So it's really good just to make that list before you even step foot inside a shop. Personally, I do not like going into shops. I try to do all my shopping online. I did actually venture into Cardiff city centre to do some shopping on the weekend and it was absolutely hellish. It was such a horrible experience because it's just absolutely packed. So I think if you can, it's nice to support local businesses if you can, and there are solutions for doing that. There are websites, like not on the high street and you can use Etsy if you want to support kind of smaller craft makers. You don't have to shop with the big retailers, but you equally don't have to step foot inside a shop if you don't like it. And also, particularly if you work, then it can be challenging to find the time to get parking and the weather. So I'm a big fan of doing it all from the comfort of my home. But I do really like kind of finding unique, quirky little things for people I know, whether they like them or not, because obviously everyone has to pretend that they love your gift. And I'm no good at reading people's poker faces. It works perfectly for me.

Speaker A: This is a lovely segue because we just briefly discussed our preempting Christmas when we were children and we both shared stories and they're the similar. And we're just guessing that you might have similar stories in that I used to go and find all my presents and open them so I knew what face to pull because I couldn't stand. And we've got videos of this. My father at the time was lucky enough to have this big old, huge kind of camera recorder from work at the time. So we've got many vhs videotapes of me with my poker face while my brother runs wildly round, so excited. Each present is the best present he's ever received. Well, I'm just like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm dying inside. It's just such a strange one that you experienced that as well, Sarah.

Speaker B: So what's not surprising now, I suppose, is it? Because I'm not very good with surprises. I both love and hate them at the same time. A big challenge. And it's an even bigger challenge for partners in terms of buying you stuff. Because I will say I hate surprises. But if it's a good surprise, then I will love it, too. But as a kid, who knows what's a good surprise? Only me. And that's what makes it harder. So, yeah, I used to open all of my presents, too. Sorry, mum. But she does know this. I would find where they were, I would wrap them back up, because sometimes they were wrapped and I was. So that I would be able to find the wrapping paper, rewrap them. And I'll never forget the year I got a new kids. I'm aging myself here, but I got a new kids on the block album for Christmas on cassette. And I was so brazen, I played the cassette to death when my parents couldn't hear what I was playing in my room. So it must have been on a little Walkman or something. Not only that, but I learned all the words. So when I opened this album, which I rewrapped on Christmas Day and had to faint surprise and then my mum said, but let's put it on the stereo. And so we did. And I'm singing along and I know all the words and this is pre Internet and pre Spotify and my mum is like, sarah. Because some of these songs I should never have heared before because there were some original songs on there too. And I think that might be when the penny dropped for my mum that I was busy trying to find my presence. But like you, I just didn't want to be surprised. I wanted to be able to plan the appropriate reaction as well so that my face said the right thing. I might feel so sorry for my parents in retrospect, but I don't think it's very rare that I would have a present for Christmas. That was a surprise.

Speaker A: No, absolutely. And you know what? I still quite like that now. I like to know what I'm having so then I can look forward to it and get my head around it. Because like you, if I'm imagining what I'm getting and then it's different and wrong, I feel wildly disappointed. Even at this age, if I'm honest, this actually happened last Christmas day and I literally ruined my own Christmas day.

Speaker B: No. Do you want to talk about it or is it still too. Well?

Speaker A: No, it's fine. But it's a real lesson. It's a real lesson that even at my age in my childlike kind of reactions sometimes because I love gold and gold jewelry and my partner always gets me silver jewelry, which. It's annoying because he really likes silver jewelry. Anyway, this year he. I. And I'm not imagining this because I wouldn't have imagined it. He said last year in the middle of. I'm going to get you a George Jensen gold ring this year. And I was absolutely thrilled because I love gold, not silver. I mean, I wear both but I really like gold and not because it's more expensive because I've just always worn gold anyway. And we'd had a lovely, lovely, lovely Christmas morning and his mum was there from Wales and it was just gorgeous. And I opened my George Jensen Parcel and it was a silver ring.

Speaker B: Oh, no.

Speaker A: I tried to keep it together and I did manage to until the end when he just said something like he pushed me on it or something about that and I just went, well, it's not gold. I just said that. Something just came out of my mouth that sounded so ungrateful.

Speaker B: We can't help it though, can we?

Speaker A: And his face was not emotional, really outwardly emotional anyway. But you could see was destroyed.

Speaker B: Oh, no. And how did. Was it resolved? Did you manage?

Speaker A: No, it was not resolved.

Speaker B: What happened to the silver ring, can I ask?

Speaker A: I kept the silver ring and I got over it, whatever. But the day, for me, he was so gutted and so upset and he didn't quite have understand what had happened because he can't actually, in hindsight, remember ever saying that he was going to get the gold ring.

Speaker B: See, something like that, which feels small but can actually blow up into a much bigger deal.

Speaker A: It did. He couldn't look at me all day.

Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. Well, this isn't ADHD thing, but one year partner's dad bought for my then partner's mother. It was like a steam mop, like a really high pack steam mop. And you can imagine the atmosphere around that Christmas.

Speaker A: Well, that's probably warranted, but they sound so ungrateful.

Speaker B: But it's just not what you wanted. And I'm really bad at hiding when I'm disappointed.

Speaker A: Seemed like a kick in the. At the time, it seemed like a total kick in the face kicking.

Speaker B: Like, I didn't know you, but it was just an in the face. Right. Yeah, it is really tough and I think, yeah, it's hard when you're an adult because you are supposed to behave like an adult when you get a surprise. But it comes with its challenges. But hopefully this year, and if you're in the market. I love silver, by the way, so if I ever get gold by mistake.

Speaker A: It was a real lesson because. My goodness. And this is not just for both of us. I think he should have been able to let that go. I was really so sorry virtually immediately afterwards, but it really destroyed my Christmas because I just. I'd forgotten about that, actually.

Speaker B: We're talking about bad christmases.

Speaker A: I'd forgotten. My children know all about this. They weren't there. They were with their father. And I had all my brother and his family over as well there. But you could cut the atmosphere for a while like a knife.

Speaker B: And this is, again, it's a pressure to find a perfect gift. So I was just doing a bit of research and asked listeners what they were kind of not looking forward to the most about Christmas. And time and again, the thing that came up was choosing presents, because thinking of the perfect gift can give anybody paralysis. But I think it's worse when you've got. Last episode, we talked about rejection sensitivity, so it's hard to be on the receiving end of the wrong gift, but it's a lot of pressure to come up with whatever the right. Gift is for other people as well. I just think there's so much pressure on Christmas and I think it's just really important that none of us feel like we have to do it all and that we don't feel like we have to do Christmas like we've seen it in the movies. Because here's the ridiculous thing about traditions. Most of them are fairly Christmas trees that's only been around for a couple of hundred years. I know in America there's this big thing about the turkey at Thanksgiving and that's been around for about 100 know. It's a pardoning a turkey. And I just think the thing about traditions is there's always the opportunity to make your own. And just because other people do it that way, if you want to have fish and chips on Christmas day, have fish and chips on Christmas day, do it your way and it can become a tradition then, right? You can make your own. I think there's real power in that.

Speaker A: Absolutely. You know what? This year I nearly didn't get a tree. And Saskia, my daughter, was like, mum, let's just not get one. Let's just not get really. She doesn't like this tree because it's on a table and she always feels like it's going to fall over. And I've got a fake one. I've had. Last year I had a new one. Anyway, you know what I just thought? I can't not get a tree. You're right, it's silly. And we've got the dumpiest, weirdest looking tree because it was in one of those bags and see what it looked like. I send you a picture. It is ridiculous.

Speaker B: But it's your tree. It's your tree.

Speaker A: But just honestly, you're right there. Because I think we wouldn't have bothered. We would have just laughed about it and had something funny there instead to remind us, like our little kind of pink tree that we've got there. We could have just put that there. Just as good. It was that I just felt this obligation to get this tree.

Speaker B: Same. I'm exactly the same. In my house, there's no real room for like a big bushy Christmas tree. So we have this kind of scandinavian, kind of pre lit twig kind of sculpture thing. Not a tree at all. And for years I felt guilt that we don't have the big kind of bushy, real pine tree. But my son loves decorating this tree every year. And what we've done is made this real big thing about buying tacky decorations that mean something to us. So we've got an awful replica of prince's face as a got, you know, little bottles of gin and typewriters and a little thing from a trip to Paris. So we tend to buy Christmas presents, decorations, sorry, that have meaning to us. And so is our tradition. And I'm not sure anyone else has a tree like us. And I'm really cool with that because just because the movies say it doesn't make it necessarily so, I think there's real power in just deciding, no, we're going to do it our way and that becomes our own family tradition. I think that's a really good way to approach it.

Speaker A: Yeah, you're right. Making your own traditions. I mean, we go all to my mum's house and we did it in November, and we put up her tree as a family with my brother and kids. And that is a brilliant tradition. And we have a little mini feast, but it takes the pressure off, actually, for the rest of the time. And this year my brother said, right, we're just going to go to the charity shop and so we're just going to spend five pounds on everybody. And that's what we've agreed to do. And then obviously I'll make my little decorations because I enjoy doing creative stuff and I'll probably.

Speaker B: You're a bit of a crafter. I've seen pictures of these decorations and they're wonderful. Can you just describe them?

Speaker A: Yeah, I can describe. So just to give you Sara's talking about, I sent her the pictures of decoration that I made for my friends because I don't know if you remember, on previous podcast, I met my Essex friends for the first time in a long time. And that culminated in a booking in the diary immediately for a month later, which happened on Thursday. And we had the most incredible kind of women's circle. And we went in the sea and we did sauna on Worthing beach and in the sea. And I wanted to just mark something as a little memory to take home with. I've got, you can't really tell the shells on Worthing beach, but there are shells. And what I do is that I just kind of varnish them and pick up the fossilized parts with gold paint and I add a few bits of stones and gems or anything that comes out of my brain. And so I just made these Christmas decorations out of the shell. So they've just each got a ribbon and a little, and they're turquoise and they're beautiful.

Speaker B: You sent me the picture and I thought they will mean so much to the people who get those and they haven't, obviously, you needed to buy the materials, but the fact that love went into it and my mum this year made me pickled onions and pickled eggs. Now, my son and I love both those things. And I'd mark, get something that somebody has put some time into rather than something that's just shop bought. But I know that can bring its own pressure. And if that's not you, and if that's not what you do or what you're into, then that's fine too.

Speaker A: It's whatever you do, whatever you like, whatever you want. And from naturally going with your pleasures and desires and wishes, everything is happier because it's aligned with you. Whether that is fish and chips, whether that is going to the charity shop for your presence, whether that is making a little decoration, it is what is aligned with you. Not having to follow these rules and be constrained by these rules.

Speaker B: Yeah, we don't like shoulds. Can I give you an example of a should? And I haven't done for years, and this was pre diagnosis, but I absolutely hate sending Christmas cards. There's just so much involved, isn't there? There's having to find people's addresses. There's the shame when you haven't written them down since last year. There's having to get stamps. My handwriting looks like the handwriting of a three year old.

Speaker A: Yeah, mine too.

Speaker B: So nobody can understand it anyway, so for the last three years, I just haven't done Christmas cards and nobody complains, it's fine. And the other thing is, one thing I hate about so many Christmas cards have glitter on them. And I love glitter. Don't get me wrong, I love glitter on my clothes, I love glitter on my face, but I don't want glitter all over my kitchen table. And I heard somebody describe glitter as craft herpes recently, which I loved. And I'm like, I'm not inviting that into my space. Glitter is there for my wardrobe and for my makeup when I choose it to be so. But I don't want it over my fingers and over my food for months and months.

Speaker A: So it gets everywhere.

Speaker B: No glitter for me, no Christmas card.

Speaker A: I will remember that, Sarah. I will remember that. And funnily enough, I have, in my preparation for my friends coming to BF's house, while he wasn't there, I went to the charity shop because there was no Christmas decorations. I couldn't get in the loft and bought stars. Five, I think there were five for a pound, literally. Silver and gold stars covered with glitter. So he has a bit of a touch to the OCD. So he has got home to his house, being covered in glitter, his kitchen.

Speaker B: His problem to deal with now.

Speaker A: Right, I know, but can you imagine? Can you imagine it wasn't a good movie? No, he hasn't mentioned it.

Speaker B: But can I ask about your children, then, and Christmas? How old are your children again?

Speaker A: They are just twelve and nearly 14.

Speaker B: So are they beyond the age of elf on a shelf? I'm guessing so.

Speaker A: I've never done elf on the shelf.

Speaker B: Thank God.

Speaker A: Thank God for that.

Speaker B: What? Fresh tyranny. Like, as if there's not enough to do. It's like having the tooth fairy, but having to create some kind of weird film set for it every night over advance. I feel so sorry for parents that have to do this, but I also feel like it's okay to push back and say, no, I'm just not doing.

Speaker A: It because it's not doing it comes an obsession as well. Especially if you've got, like, a fixation on it or an ADHD fixation. Then it just becomes insanity and that's all you can think about. I've seen a friend of mine, incredible, incredible elf on the shelf, but it literally takes over the whole of the Christmas period. Yeah, but if you love it, go for it, fine.

Speaker B: If you enjoy that sort of thing. But again, just thank God my son was grown up by the time that came along, because that just feels like a fresh piece of Christmas tyranny that we can absolutely do without. If it's okay, Katie, I was just going to share some of my tips for kind of surviving that Christmas period, particularly if you're leaving your own home. Although I think some of this applies if you're at home as well. The one thing that I've learned is really super important for me over Christmas is to keep up my exercise routine. So I might not be able to exercise as much as I would usually, but what I don't want to do is go for the whole Christmas period and not exercise, because that's just a recipe for disaster, as far as I'm concerned. Do you find that too?

Speaker A: Absolutely. I was just going to say I've been lucky enough, apart from last Christmas, been lucky enough to go for a run every Christmas morning because my mum's normally there with me and if I'm at her house, I just run to Shoreham. If anyone knows Shoreham in West Sussex, it's right by the river and then the sea. So just. Even if it's 1015 minutes, it was like a note. I always do it. It rain or shine because it resets me. I see everyone smiling with the little hats on, going on Christmas morning. It's normally actually really sunny and lovely. And it's just a great way to start the day because it gets all of my dem dolphins, as my kids call it, endorphins, going in my brain. Dem dolphins. Dem dolphins go in love. And it's just a brilliant way. So, yes, always exercising for me is the key.

Speaker B: And even if it's not running, if you don't run, or if you're not injured, just get out and get moving if you can. And it can be. Obviously, some families like to do Christmas walks, but if you need to reclaim some of that space for yourself, it's really good to say, I'm just going out for a walk. And you've kind of bought yourself some time to do your recharge as well at the same time. So I think that's really important. And then I think another thing at Christmas is that, especially if you're a parent, but just in general, I think we're under so much pressure to think about other people at this time of year. So one of my big Christmas hacks is treat myself. So arranging to do something special, and it doesn't have to be anything fancy, just something that you can look forward to doing so that you've got something in the bank that you know is coming if you're going through a stressful time with your family or whatever that might be. So it could be really basic, like getting your favorite takeaway, having a home pampering session, lighting some candles and having a bath, watching your favorite Christmas film. Or even not a Christmas film, controversially, it could be a horror film or something that you really love to do, or just arranging to meet a friend for a walk, whatever it is, putting something in the diary that can be a bit of anchor for you and something that you feel that you've actually partaken in a bit of self care for yourself as well, as opposed to worrying about everyone else around you, which I know as people pleasers, we tend to do a lot of. Right.

Speaker A: Oh, gosh. Right. That's such a good one. I haven't thought of what I'm going to do this year because I haven't really planned anything, which is I need to get on the case with this because I know I need to be a little bit busier.

Speaker B: So you could put some stuff in for yourself. So you've got something in the diary and it can be just a date with yourself and whatever that perfect date looks like. For me, it's always a big bath with some lovely bubbles. And I've got this kind of cheap spa thing going on in my bathroom at home where I hang up some eucalyptus and lavender above the shower and my shower is over my bath. So when I run a hot bath, all of that steam releases the scents from the dried flowers, which is a lovely, lovely tip. It's a lovely thing to do.

Speaker A: Oh, that is a great tip.

Speaker B: You can have that. I've had people think it's mistletoe, so I posted some pictures, but no, it's actually dried lavender and dried eucalyptus and it smells amazing. And then I also add in a couple of drops of sweet almond oil, which if you buy wholesale, is so much cheaper than fancy bath oils. And you can a few drops of essential oils and you literally need a cap full of sweet almond oil so it lasts for a long time. And your skin, when you leave the bath is so soft and so moisturized, it just feels really decadent. But it actually doesn't cost very much at all.

Speaker A: I love that idea because I have a bath in the dark every single night and I always get myself cheap bath stuff or just forget or whatever, and then think, oh, gosh, what can I put in my bath? So this is brilliant.

Speaker B: There we go. You can have that. Well, now maybe I've sorted your Christmas out now maybe Santa. So, yeah, definitely putting something in for yourself. The other thing, and I'm really bad at this, but I know it matters, is to eat well. So obviously Christmas, traditionally, you kind of overindulge in rich food and alcohol and we'll come on to alcohol separately, I think. But as people with ADHD, I think we have to be extra mindful about how we eat. So I'm not saying don't have Christmas treats, but the shops are full of fruit and vegetables and there's lots of other healthy eating choices as well out there. And the reason for that is what you eat. There's a direct line between your gut and your brain and it's much more important for us because we have that dopamine shortage. So what we eat directly affects what's going on in our heads. And too much of certain foods or certain drinks can make ADHD symptoms just much worse and more pronounced. So I try and drink lots of water. I do give myself that permission to eat the chocolate, but just thinking about if you're doing that for two weeks and you feel like absolute rubbish, there's probably a link there. So just thinking about. It's really boring. And I know we're moderation.

Speaker A: It's absolutely massive. And I have found a huge, huge difference. In fact, I'm less healthy right now than I've ever been because I've just been so busy and that is ridiculous. But what I have done is that because I've been really good at getting dark berries, dark fruits, greens, all of that stuff that I know is brilliant. Walnuts every single day until recently. And this is. I can tell. And also I'm including way more protein in my diet, as in eggs and beans and things. And I can really tell that that has shifted things.

Speaker B: So good, that protein thing, isn't it? I experience it as well. I think if you can get nuts, yogurts, anything that gets your protein levels up is just really good. So it's just thinking about it, isn't it? And also realizing that whilst this is good advice for anybody, it's even more important for us because our brains are so impacted by what we eat. So it's not nice to do. And it's not really about your physical health, it's as much about your mental health.

Speaker A: Mental health. Absolutely. It's absolutely key. And while we're on that, while I remember, do you take this already, Sarah? Ginkgo geloba or whatever it's called.

Speaker B: Bilboa. I'm never sure how to say it.

Speaker A: It sounds like well done.

Speaker B: I do. I actually take a number of supplements designed to help with ADHD because I am unmedicated. So I chosen to go down the supplement route. So I take Ginkgo bilboa, however you say it. Sorry, vitamin b, twelve and omega three and all of that just really helps with my brain function and focus. So I've been doing that for about a year and a half now and it really helps too. Should we talk about booze?

Speaker A: Like alcohol?

Speaker B: Where are you on booze?

Speaker A: Well, I do drink and funnily enough, this is only briefly the last few weeks because I've had to drive lots of places and change my routine and have kind of kids stuff to get to and am I at the way? So I have to drive. It has really curtailed. They've got the opposite of this. Zara curtailed my alcohol consumption and it has really made a massive difference. And it's just interesting for me because I do like a drink. I do love a glass of wine or a cocktail, I'm not going to lie. But I also realize how it impacts so much of my sleep, for example, my mood, my energy levels. And I've really seen that over the last few weeks where I've really hardly drank a thing.

Speaker B: Wow. We've gone in the opposite direction because on the first podcast that we did together, I talked about how I don't drink, so I feel like a massive hypocrite now. But over the festive period was like you, I think I was quite dogmatic about not drinking. Once I gave up alcohol, that was it. I was never going to drink again. But now I'm trying to get into the space where if I feel like having some, then I will. But I do it knowingly and I do it intentionally. And I know that I might not feel great the next day. So Christmas, I have just had catch up after catch up with people. It's just been socially a bit of a whirlwind. And I have been having the espresso martini and the Od gin and tonic. And I have felt so much worse than I did last Christmas when I wasn't drinking because exactly all the reasons you said, I have a lovely time at the time, but the next day, I've got that low mood, that anxiety thing where you've got that low level thinking, you've upset people when you haven't at all, but it's just kind of making you paranoid. And for days afterwards, my mood will just be very kind of, not ridiculously low, but I can notice the difference. It's palpable. And I'm kind of looking forward to January where I can just get back on where I was last year and just be okay, I will for special occasions. And again, it's all about moderation. But I'm not great at moderation. If I'm at a Christmas party, I'm not going to have one espresso martini, if I could have three, because I understand those people. So it's easier for me not to drink at all because it takes away the decision stress. It takes away that decision tree of, should I have another one? If I do, how will I feel tomorrow? And also, I'm injured at the moment, which means I can't exercise. So actually, I don't have that little voice saying, well, if you have this drink, then you're not going to go for your run tomorrow.

Speaker A: All of that impacted the kind of domino effect that it has.

Speaker B: And it just shows how closely interlinked these things are in terms of sleep, exercise, nutrition, hydration, what kind of toxins you put in your body. All of these things will have a massive impact, and I can feel it right now. So I think for the next week or so, I'm going to lay off it, and then maybe I'll have a few on Christmas day and then really look forward to a new year and a fresh start where I can just put booze back on the shelf again, not like the elf.

Speaker A: And it's such an important conversation. And I just think, well, I'm a bit older than you, and I find in that so many women are kind of curtailing their drinking and actually stopping. It makes me feel a little bit, if I'm honest, it really makes me feel a little bit anxious about the thought that I can't ever have a drink again. People talk to me about the fact that they're abstaining and they haven't had a drink for whatever. I'm really happy for them. But there's something in me that feels like, oh, my God, oh, my God, could I do that? Would I actually be able to not have a drink?

Speaker B: I didn't think I could, and so, because, again, I'm sure you're the same very all or nothing. So what I didn't want to do was just cut down as a challenge to myself doing Covid. I decided to just stop. And I actually found it very easy. But then now real life and kind of Christmases where you can see people and you can socialize are creeping back. Because obviously we had a few years where Christmas felt quite different, didn't we? I think it's a challenge again for me, and I think, but probably for me, the best way that I can approach it is just go. Actually, no, I don't drink, but I will make exceptions. But when I make those exceptions, or if I make those exceptions, it's realizing and appreciating that the day after is going to be tricky and I'm more likely to make bad nutrition choices.

Speaker A: It's all the impacting of everything else. I not all or nothing. Well, I can be all or nothing, but that isn't my nature. I can be moderate, but in fact, I am mostly moderate. So that's even more worrying to me because it was still like, oh, my gosh, why am I panicking at the thought of not being able to drink again?

Speaker B: I'll tell you why, Katie. I could talk about this forever because I think for our generation, we were brought up at a time of the Ladat and Nuts magazine and with kind of zoe ball and all of those type of women who really were being held up as kind of heroines for being able to drink man under the table. And I think it's really taken a hold. And there's lots of really shocking statistics that shows that the growth in alcoholism is amongst women of our age. And I think when you think of everything we have to juggle and how much pressure we're under and the fact that we were so socialized to see alcohol as this kind of really cool thing that everybody did, it's no surprise, really. And there's some great books. There's a great book that I always recommend to anybody who's thinking, know, can I do it or not? Which is very much where I was a few years ago. It's called the unexpected joy of being sober. It's by a journalist called Catherine Gray. And it's a beautiful, beautiful book. Know, she was this party girl in London and she realized that it was becoming a real problem for her. And she's got a great Instagram account as well, where she kind of documents the reality of life as a sober person. Because it's not easy. The minute you say, I'm not know up until a certain age, you get that are you pregnant? Or you get the weird look as if you were know Phil Mitchell and were an alcoholic. Or people just make all these kind of assumptions about you when you say you don't drink. And I think the more we can normalize people saying, no, I'm not. And actually it's just because I want to feel good tomorrow, the better, really. So again, it's not don't do it. We're not here to tell people how to live their lives, but it's just being conscious that if you do, there might be a reason why you feel a bit rubbish for a few days. And then you can put strategies in place to make sure that you do get exercise on those days or you do eat a little bit better than.

Speaker A: You usually would, or just, yeah, it is better to pre plan it. I think you're right back to that. I'm saying that Touchwood, I don't ever really get anxiety anymore in any way, shape or form. And I'm really not sure why because it used to be a huge issue for me, but I think it's obviously, I've done lots of work and I've got lots of strategies, but I'm going to share a strategy, actually. But do you get anxious, Sarah?

Speaker B: Absolutely. I think anxiety is something that I've struggled with my whole life and I just didn't have a name for it for a long time. But you know what? I am much less anxious when I don't drink and what I've noticed has made a big difference to me, is meditating. And I know we bang on about it, but since I've been meditating, which is only a year next week, actually, I have found my ability to just rationalize things and panic about things. And usually it's about upsetting people or kind of doing something unintentionally. I feel like that has reduced massively since I made the space for myself to be able to kind of reset my nervous system every day. So that's made a massive difference. But it's still there. I'm not sure it will ever go away, which is why I have to be so careful about what I put in my body and how I treat my body.

Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. And I know that so many people do, especially women, struggle. That's one of the main challenges, the anxiety component. So can I share something with you?

Speaker B: Yes, please.

Speaker A: It seems so simple, too simple, too good to be true. But believe me, this little strategy can be a game changer. And you can teach it to your children, you can do it under the table. And all it is is that we are going to so get an object in your hands. Zara? Well, it can be a phone, but just any little object. Okay.

Speaker B: I'm holding a top off a candle right now.

Speaker A: Okay. Right. All we're going to do is that I want you to imagine a slightly stressful situation or something that you're worried about potentially right now. And I'm just going to use this as an example. So you're kind of bringing that into your body, into your head, into your emotions. And then all I want you to do is this is called bilateral stimulation, because when we're stressed, a part of our brain is really activated. So by doing this simple process, we are literally calming down the parasympathetic nervous system. So you're taking your candle holder, and you are literally passing it to the other hand. So you're passing it across your body into the other hand. And you're passing it, and you're passing it, and you're passing it.

Speaker B: You keep passing from left to right.

Speaker A: Just keep passing it. And you just, by crossing that central point of your body, stimulating the left and the right sides of your brain, rather that one activated part, you are just calming down your parasympathetic nervous system.

Speaker B: Wow, what amazing technique.

Speaker A: It seems ridiculous. It will work.

Speaker B: No, it makes sense, because if you think about fidget toys and just that idea of just doing things that stimulate a different part of your brain to distract you from this loud kind of cortisol or whatever it is that's causing the stress. Right, that's great. I'm going to steal that and give that right now.

Speaker A: And it literally calms down. Another one is that when you can't sleep or when your brain is overloaded? It's called shift out and shut the up. This exercise, I've stolen it from Melissa tears, who's a brilliant hypnotist. So all you need to do is your head is busy. You are literally. It's going nuts. You're everywhere, all the time, all at once in your head. All I want you to do is focus on a point in front of you. It could be somebody's head down the street, it could be lying in bed at home, trying to sleep. Just focus, have a focal point and just bring your awareness to that focal point. You can have your eyes shut, even. And now what I want you to do is bring your awareness while looking, or having the awareness at this focal point. Bring your awareness out to both sides, out to both sides of the wall, bringing your awareness all the way round that awareness, right round to the back of your body, while simultaneously keeping your awareness on this focal point.

Speaker B: Oh, wow.

Speaker A: That's really powerful, because that just literally enables you to shift out and shut up.

Speaker B: Just gives you a sense of perspective, doesn't it? And kind of takes you out of your body again. I think all techniques are great. If you can get out of your head. Sorry, not your body, out of your head and back into your body, then it's just really powerful. Well, I'm going to steal those two this Christmas. Yeah.

Speaker A: And they seem ridiculously simple, but I can absolutely guarantee you they work well.

Speaker B: Thank you. See, you're so good at all of this, these little hacks and tricks and techniques that we can use. Yeah. Thank you, Katie.

Speaker A: Pleasure. There's loads of them.

Speaker B: So, what, have you got?

Speaker A: Any other strategies or. I'm just trying to think.

Speaker B: I think there's a couple of things you should probably mention. So, I'm not medicated, but one of the really worrying things that's happening in the health service at the moment is the shortage of ADHD medication. One of the things I was going to mention was just the importance of planning ahead for your medication, because you'll be staying up later, you might be eating more sugar, spending more time driving, and you might be away from home. So usually you'd say, make sure you've got enough medication to cover you. But because of the shortage, I know that there will be thousands and thousands of people out there who are really suffering and struggling as a result of that this Christmas. And that makes me really mad because I can't think of any other condition really where we would just put up with the medication not being available for people. And so I really hope that that's fixed soon. And if people are struggling with that this Christmas, then I'm so sorry. And I really hope that everything gets fixed sooner rather than later on that.

Speaker A: Where are you on that is me exactly. You do not even want to know the story that I have. The rigmarole and the ridiculousness that I have encountered in the last two days. I've literally spent 3 hours, yet again trying to get my psychiatrist paperwork to my doctors for her to sign off a shared care agreement. It is in the system that my doctors have sent back a receipt that they've seen it, but it's not in the system because no one can see it and no one can find it. I mean, it is just beyond belief. Crying yesterday, I have even ended up really losing with the doctor, which I was just like, I know this potentially is not your fault, but what do you want me to do here?

Speaker B: Yeah, really discriminatory. I just can't think of anything else where it would be okay to just say we don't have the medication, because for some people, it's absolutely essential that they have that medication to survive.

Speaker A: Well, I think. Did I speak about this last time? So my client this week has ended up crying in the chemist with the chemist, shouting from the back of the chemist, making her feel like she's a junkie because she couldn't get her medication. And they said she'd ordered it over the phone. They put it by, and then they said, we don't do that here. You're lying. That's not something we do. We could not allow to do it. And she ends up crying and shaking in the chemist. She can't do her work without the medication. That is an absolute. She needs it. And she said, like you just said, if you had a heart medication or a diabetes medication that you absolutely had, they would not be treating us like this.

Speaker B: No, I think it's an absolute disgrace. And I think in light of that, for women listening with ADHD, it's even more important that this Christmas you kind of just strip it right back to basics and really think about what do you value most about Christmas? Is it kind of seeing your family? Is that the bit you love? If so, do more of that. Is it whatever it might be, religious services or sharing experiences with your kids and making memories. But I think listing out your priorities, even if it's just in your head and then just picking one or two and focusing on those this Christmas and everything else could just go to hell. Because most important thing is to get through know.

Speaker A: Yeah. They're such important words to remember. And just quickly as a silly aside, Henry a few Christmas ago bought these balloons. You know the balloons, making balloons that you make animals with.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Speaker A: I just thought how ridiculous. And they have kept children and adults alike entertained and having such a good laugh with each other for the last kind of three, four years.

Speaker B: Amazing. That's a good hack. Animal balloons.

Speaker A: It's modeling balloons, isn't it?

Speaker B: Okay, modeling balloons.

Speaker A: Really. But they have on so many levels. They're cheap, they're funny and creative and they keep everyone entertained.

Speaker B: Brilliant. That's a great, great top tip, I think. And sounds a lot more fun than crackers as well.

Speaker A: I know. Always disappointing. Why can't somebody make some good know?

Speaker B: I know. One day. One day, Rob.

Speaker A: Well, we've been talking for an hour, Sarah.

Speaker B: Oh my goodness. Ok, well, Christmas deserves the whole hour. I think it is tricky for some people, and I hope that some of what we've shared today has been helpful and just helping people realize that they're not alone. I used to think for years that I was the only one that didn't like Christmas because there were lots of things about Christmas I haven't enjoyed over the years. And I think it's just important for people to know that other people struggle with this stuff too. And so we'd love to hear your strategies, wouldn't we, please? Absolutely.

Speaker A: My one strategy is I just don't go on Instagram.

Speaker B: That's a great one. Sorry, we should have said this. Taking all the apps off your phone over the Christmas period is the best way to take away some of those shoulds and that really kind of toxic comparison stuff that can really have a big impact on us, I think, as women. So, yeah, that's a great one. Shall we end on that? Take the apps off your phone so don't get in touch with us. Actually, put your phone down, go do something else instead.

Speaker A: Oh, absolutely. And it's just beautiful when you lose your phone for a while. Actually, all our lives are on it. But it's just a revelation.

Speaker B: Oh, it's huge, isn't it? In January, I'm going away on a course for a week where they take your phone off you. And I've been on one of these before. And you know, it was so interesting because for the first day I was clucking, actually kind of feeling really anxious because every time for it, it wasn't there. But once that initial first day, 24 hours was over and I got used to the fact that I didn't have it and everybody had a landline so they could contact me if there was an emergency. I have never been more creative or more relaxed. And it was only a week and obviously I couldn't wait to get my phone back, but when I did, I had a pang of kind of like life without a phone. So that's another top Christmas tip, I think, really just kind of minimize your phone usage and stop looking at other people's christmases because you can guarantee that behind the happy resentment, there's stress, there's arguments, but nobody talks about that side of Christmas. So, yeah, put your phone down. Put your phone down.

Speaker A: Put your phone down. Try and have a laugh. Try and get out in nature. Simplify everything. Find two things that are going to bring your priorities, whether that's eating fish and chips with your kids and doing something off grid or something silly. And yeah, just making memories that matter to you.

Speaker B: Yeah, make it yours. And if it's difficult, just know that it passes. And know, as George Harrison said, the great philosopher, all things must pass. And hopefully next year won't be as difficult. So I want to acknowledge that people out there will be really struggling, whether for grief or loss or for whatever reason, that it's okay just to not market at all or just to let it pass you by, because it's a made up thing. At the end of the day, it's just another day. But on that note, I just want to say Merry Christmas to all those that do celebrate, and thank you for joining us. It's been a pleasure being part of this podcast this year. So merry, merry Christmas to all.

Speaker A: Merry, merry Christmas, Sarah. And yeah, I'm so grateful for you. So nice having somebody to chew the fat with.

Speaker B: And we're very good at that.

Speaker A: Aren't good? Very good.

Speaker B: Four and five minutes. Speak to you soon. Do some prep now. All right, lots of love, bye bye.

Speaker A: Thank you for joining us. I hope you enjoyed the episode. If you would like more of this kind of stuff, join us at we love pupil school. For people that want to create lasting relationships, great communication, and build a life that means that they can be fully themselves. Thank you for listening.