How to Live a Fully Expressed Life with Rachel Luna

I recently had a fantastic conversation with my friend Rachel Luna, and it's one that I can't wait to share with you all. This conversation was deep, meaningful, and inspiring. It's the kind of conversation that will make you think and really consider whether you're living a life that's fully expressed.

I am always talking about the importance of living a rich life versus a wealthy life. Part of living richly is your ability to live a life fully expressed. Unfortunately, we may be shrinking instead of growing in that arena if we aren’t careful. Rachel and hit on this and so much more that can lead to richness in your life.

Rachel is the author of the book, Permission to Offend, and is a true inspiration when it comes to living authentically and with purpose. We delved deep into the different components that make up a fully expressed life, including how to navigate challenging experiences like our personal journeys with cancer. 

Rachel's wisdom and experience are truly inspiring, and I guarantee you'll walk away with a new perspective on life.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, I DISCUSS: 

• Making money vs. finding fulfilment
• The impact of our personal experiences, such as cancer, on our beliefs and perspectives
• Reflection and self-discovery as keys to living fully expressed

CONNECT WITH RACHEL:
Visit her website: rachelluna.com
Listen to her podcast: Permission to Offend
Pre-order her book: Permission to Offend

RECOMMENDED EPISODES FOR YOU
If you liked this episode, you'll love these ones:

• Control Your Time to Live a Rich Life ft. Megan Sumrell
• The Keys to Living a Rich & Wealthy Life With Chris Harder
• Give Your Money a Purpose
• How Are You, Really? with Jenna Kutcher

TAKE THE FINANCIAL FREEDOM QUIZ:
Take this free quiz to see where you are on the path to financial freedom and what your next steps are to move you to a new financial destiny at http://www.YourFinancialFreedomQuiz.com 

OTHER RESOURCES:
7-Day Money Plan Workshop: https://www.TheMoneyPlanWorkshop.com
Affluent Entrepreneurs Private Facebook Group https://www.melabraham.com/group/

CONNECT WITH ME:
Website: MelAbraham.com
YouTube: MelAbraham.com/tube
Instagram (@melabraham9): MelAbraham.com/ig
Facebook Group: MelAbraham.com/group/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@melhabraham

GET MY BOOK:
“The Entrepreneur's Solution The Modern Millionaire's Path to More Profit, Fans, & Freedom” – melabraham.com/book/

Transcript

Mel Abraham  0:00  
Oh my god, this one. This one's a unique one. This one is with my my friend, Rachel Luna, she is the author of the new book, permission to offend a fan. And we had an interesting conversation. This was not just about business, not just about money. We did have conversations around that. But it was about life. How do you live a life that's fully expressed? How do you express yourself? What are the things that go into, to build in that kind of life, we talk about her cancer journey, and even my cancer journey about how her beliefs are formed. And some of the things that have happened. It's an interesting conversation that goes deep, and is going to allow you to start looking at things to say, am I feeling living life fully expressed. So here's what I want you to do, grab a coffee, grab a water, grab, whatever, you're a tea, grab a pad of paper and a pen. And listen to this episode, open mind, open heart, and then go out and live fully expressed that rich life that Apple life that we talk about. Welcome to this episode of the Affluent Entrepreneur Show. This is the absolute Entrepreneur Show for entrepreneurs that one operate at a high level and achieve financial liberation. I'm your host, Mel Abraham, and I'll be sharing with you what it takes to create success beyond well, so you can have a richer, more fulfilling lifestyle. In this show, you'll learn how business and money intersect. So you can scale your business, scale your money, and scale your life while creating a deeper impact and living with complete freedom. Because that's what it really means to be an affluent entrepreneur. Hey there, Rachel, thank you for being on the show today. Man. It has been I don't know when we met. But it's been a long time. We've watched each other go through trials, tribulations and some common journeys and struggles over the years. So welcome to the show.

Rachel Luna  1:57  
Thank you, man, my sweet friend. It has been almost a decade actually working here. Thank God. So yeah,

Mel Abraham  2:05  
yeah. For both of us. For those of you that don't know, Rachel, she is the author of an amazing book permission to offend that guy right here. And we'll be talking a little bit about that. But before we do, I'd love I'd love the viewers and listeners to know a little bit about who Rachel Luna is?

Rachel Luna  2:28  
Oh, such a loaded question.

Mel Abraham  2:30  
It certainly is. I know, we could go all kinds of places without knowing knowing your history.

Rachel Luna  2:36  
I mean, the Cliff Notes version is I'm a Certified Master neuroscience coach, a former US Marine and a triple negative breast cancer survivor. So those are some of the roles and experiences that that I've had. I'm a mother and a wife. But one of the things which I actually talk about in the book is that those are my roles. Those are my responsibilities, whether I've chosen them or they've been assigned to me, but my identity and who I really am, is love. I'm just one big ball of energetic love. And I am here to help heal the world and set people free from the prison in their mind.

Mel Abraham  3:19  
Well, and that's kind of because we met, like you said a decade ago. And at that time, it was really just entrepreneurship you were doing you were in a sense, I think we're both finding ourselves.

Rachel Luna  3:35  
Yes, absolutely. I mean, when we first met, I remember I wanted to talk about confidence. I was a confidence coach, I was helping people feel more confident. My My promise was, the fastest way to build your business is to build your confidence. And I remember being told by my coaches and mentors at the time, you can't sell confidence. Nobody wants to buy confidence, you have to do sales, or affiliate marketing, or you know, whatever, that whatever it was absence of what I wanted to do. And at that time in my life, I was so hungry for financial freedom. And I was so desperate for growth and for this, you know, accolade and stature, this these things that I was building up in my mind that I listened to these I believe, well, intention coaches, who they themselves did not understand that not every blueprint is going to build the dream house for that individual. And so I followed their advice now, and I will say I did I made money. I was making great money. I was helping people, but I never felt that true fulfillment. Something always felt a little off and I was always waiting for people to find I found out that I wasn't whatever it is I was trying to sell like, I wasn't the queen of sales. I wasn't the best affiliate marketer, I was good at those things. I had aptitude, I'm a phenomenal coach. And when you're when you are a skilled, phenomenal coach, you can coach on just about anything, because the mechanics and principles of coaching do not change, right? It was always this thing. And it was because I was not giving myself permission to offend my coaches, I say, Listen, buddy, I know you're the expert in marketing. But I am the expert in me. And I am the expert in what God is trying to birth through me. So this is what I want to do. Teach me what you know, and marketing and sales and business development through the lens of what I want to teach and what I'm being called to teach right now. And I think if I had that courage, then and if I had that willingness to offend, quote, unquote, I think I would have been in a different place. But it all had to work out the way it did.

Mel Abraham  6:09  
So here's an interesting thing, because you said something, and I think that that it, it's true, you said, you know, I was making money, I was doing pretty good. But I really wasn't fulfilled, you know, and there was a study, a Harvard study, 4000 millionaires. And it was a, it was a money and happiness study. And the questions that they were asking were around their happiness. And in the top five, the, there was nothing about the money. In the top five, the thing that really drove their happiness was not how much money you made, not the money they made, but how they made the money. And so how often we find ourselves in a place that we are following the lead of our peers, our parents, society, expectations, colleges, career paths, all that stuff, without the courage. Now, I'm not saying because I'm, I'm about the finances and all that stuff to not do it irresponsibly. I mean, there is a difference between being committed and, and being reckless but, but not having the courage to turn around and say, there's something more for me forgetting this judgment that might come from others that say, I wouldn't make that same decision. And it's okay. Because the good news is that it's not their decision to make.

Rachel Luna  8:02  
Yeah, and you know, it's interesting, because what most people don't realize is that the judgment and rejection that we are trying to avoid, so that we stay connected to the pack that kind of goes to the primitive portion of our brain, that goes back to back in the caveman times what happened, we all lived in community, we lived in these groups. And if you got separated from the group, you ran the risk of dying. Why? Because you didn't have access to the hunters and the gatherers and those community resources. But we don't live in those times anymore. Each one of us can go hunt and gather our own stuff at the grocery store, right? So you're not going to die. If you get separated from the pack Do you just think you are? The important thing to remember is that judgments are automatic, there was a study that was done that showed that our brains are making a decision as to whether or not someone approaching us is safe. Eight seconds before we have full facial recognition. That means now, you and I have known each other for a decade. Yeah, you could be coming to me from across the room before eight seconds before I recognize, oh, that's smell, my brain is going to make an assumption and a judgment as to whether or not you are safe based on perception, life experiences, whatever I've just consumed. So for example, if I just watched an investigative Discovery show, and the program was of some mass murderer who happens to have similar features to you, because that's the most recent recall that I have. Oh my gosh, that's not allow that's a murderer from investigative discovery. So we have to recognize that these judgments that we are so afraid of, number one are automatic the first judgment. The second judgment is a choice. And number two, they don't necessarily stay valid. There's always is an opportunity to go in and have a different conversation to change someone's perspective to change their mind. Or if you don't change their mind, at least get them to a point where they can understand where you're coming from. Yeah, so we should give ourselves a little more permission to offend and have these very fun and interesting, sometimes spicy conversations.

Mel Abraham  10:21  
Well, and here's a look at it, because you've got the book and title is permission affine. And I want to get to what was the genesis of the book, what was the catalyst of the book in a second, but but I think that what I love about the idea of the permission to offend is it's not really offending to to be offensive, it is, it is, is really about the idea of, of being fully you unapologetically, you. And even though someone might not agree with you, or or subscribe to that, that we need to be able to have the healthy dialogues around it, versus what we have seen, in, in society where it's demonized, we don't promote these conversations, we don't have this stuff. And so. So this is where I start to look at this and say, This is a beautiful book time, at a more important time in our, in our history, because I think we've lost, there's another side of this, I think, and we can then we can talk about this is that, that we've also lost our ability to communicate, we don't, we don't value communication, I think it's the absolute greatest skill that we should be cultivating in society in our children is as humans as team members as employees. And we've, we've lost it, we've lost the art of communication, which means that we've lost the art of relations.

Rachel Luna  12:20  
I would add to that, not only have we lost the art of communication, we are dangerously close to losing the art of critical thinking, and thought leadership, which is something that you taught me, I will never forget this, you were teaching me how to build out frameworks. By the way, there are frameworks in the book, and I owe you for teaching me how to take my ideas and put them into frameworks. But you taught me that whenever there's an idea to either look at it as Yes, and or YES, BUT NO and NO, but and then find out what your idea is behind the Yes, and and the no but are the yes buts. And we're not doing that. We also are not allowing for safe conversations where we can test ideas out and get them wrong, without being canceled or cut off, or, you know, being labeled something horrible. And so I'm really interested in changing the landscape, so that we can have better, more critically thought driven conversations that create more community and more connection, not division.

Mel Abraham  13:35  
I love this. I love it. So what what's the thing that because businesses are going to be more successful, when we can do this, employees are going to feel more fulfilled when we do this. Your retention of employees will be better, the loyalty of your customers will be better, the level of of trust will will exist, that they're getting the the realness of you and and so this this has been a work for you to bring us out well what was the the genesis of the of this book? What was there an event? Was there something that that got you to go? I just, this is in my heart, my soul, I gotta write this.

Rachel Luna  14:27  
Okay, so the title came from one events, the finished product, and what actually was then created from it is completely different. So let me say this, but before that, I don't want to lose this thought about this idea of when we do this work, our businesses, our retention, all of that proves the one thing I want to make sure we can come back and dig into this a little more is that in order for us to first have those conversations with a other people, we have to first learn how to have these internal conversations with ourselves. So just remind me to break that down a little more. But to answer your question about the Genesis, and there was there I was taking on this crown of self-confidence Queen, which is what I had been dubbed by my coaches, right? You're so great at selling, you are sales confidence, queen, and listen, now I can sell, I actually love it. Because I look at sales as an exchange of value, and an opportunity to have a transaction that leads to transformation. So when it comes to sales, I'm here for it. I'm on stage speaking to a group of 500 women around their sales and why aren't they putting themselves out there? And I asked the audience, why don't you sell? Why aren't you making more offers somebody stand up and tell me, and a very brave woman stood up, I can see her face just like I'm looking at you right now. And she's like, I'm afraid to offend people. And without thinking the words that have came out of my mouth, offend them, offend them, you have to give yourself permission to offend. And as soon as the words came out, I was like, Oh, that's good. You ever say something and you're like, Oh, that was good. And this is what I said to I said, there are people who are offended that you even dare to dream. There are people that are offended that you exist, I can think of my own. My stepmother, she hated me, just because I looked like my biological mother who by the way, it was already dead in the ground for like a decade. And so there are people that are offended that you look a certain way that you have a certain faith practice, that you talk about your faith, that you are making money, you know what one of the things that my husband has worked to overcome is his belief in wealthy people. Because he grew up very, very poor. But his parents made just enough money to afford to, like send him to the special school, there was some sort of a program. So he goes to school with all these rich kids, but he's poor. And so he had this idea that rich people are mean, and they're just arrogant and did it. And when I hear I come like, Oh, we're going to be millionaires. I'm building this business. I were to be millionaires, if you're flying first class, get on board. And he's like, why would we want to be like those people? They're awful, right? And so he was offended by their existence by their money. And then he was offended that I was trying to make us the very thing that he hated. So that was kind of the the birthplace the the genesis of it. As I had this idea, I was talking about it, people were I was testing out the concept. And people were like, man, that's really good. But you know why people were so excited about the idea. Because it was freedom, it was giving them permission to actually say the things that they were thinking and build their businesses, the way that they were seeing it, not the way their coaches were telling them it needed to be, they could make these decisions with their money aligned to the risk that they wanted to take the calculated strategic risk, without listening to the programming from, you know, their mom that said, save for a rainy day never invest, or, you know, we'll put it in the mattress or whatever ideas at what got us to where we are today with the book, a couple of things happen. Number one, I was really interested in writing a book that was going to lead to transformation solely from reading it. And this is my cup my coffee, by the way, once you take off the cover, right? So solely from reading it. I didn't want to write a book that was like, here's like step one. And now go buy my course. So you can get the full transformation. I didn't want to make a marketing calling card. Nothing wrong with that, by the way, if that's what you got, that's what you got rocket. But I knew I was interested in giving people freedom, just from reading the book. And then if they wanted to go deeper with me to mastery level, we could do that. But I wanted to make sure that when you were done reading any part of the book, you felt a shift in who you were being and you were connected more to your internal truth and less to the external expectations of the world.

Mel Abraham  19:43  
So good. So that and and I will tell you as someone who's read it, you accomplished it.

Rachel Luna  19:49  
Thank you. Yeah.

Mel Abraham  19:50  
I mean, and I agree. I think the reader of a book is it's one of the most intimate ways that we can we can have an opportunity Unity and it's actually a safe way for those that are looking to start to push the boundaries of what they think they're capable of doing to do it in a safe way, and start to get used to it. So I, I love that. And I think that this is the this is the whole dynamic that the last thing you said was that what society expects of us. And I think it's even far worse because of social media because of, of everything that is there, where we we can't use and some of our critical thinking that's true, where, what are we doing, we're gonna go look at what others are doing. And we base that our decision, and you think about how this plays out, just in the money space I was, I get my hair cut from a kid who's 23 years old. And I go in there, he knows what I do. So we talk money, we talk investing, and he says to me, my one of my friends just bought a $5,000. Watch. I go, does he make a lot of money? And he says, No, he's he's like, 23, like me. So curious. Just help me understand why did he do it? And he said, because his friends thought it was cool. I said, Cool. Can I? Can I do some math? And he said, Yeah, I said, in your 20s, when you put money away, every dollar you put away will turn to 70 to $80. By the time you're ready to retire. 6060 65 said, so his $5,000 Watch to impress a couple of guys that he's not going to probably know in three years, was a 5000 purchase decision today that cost him a $400,000 financial future tomorrow. I'm okay with him doing it. As long as he's informed, intentional and aware. And he makes the conscious choice. I'll never tell them no. But too often we make decisions or even worse, we fail to make a decision because of the pressure that we might feel over overtly or covertly. But what's going on? And how do we show up in our business? How do we show up in our family's lives? How do we show up with our money? How do we show up when we're giving and generous and all those things are become impacted?

Rachel Luna  22:21  
Yep. And, you know, it's so interesting that you say that, because I am thinking about all of the things that I did not say, that have cost me money. So there was this one time, there was something going on in our home, and I just had this feeling like I, we should probably get that taken care of like, this is a big deal. And my husband, you know, he did the like little wife, you don't know what you're talking about kind of I rag on my husband a lie. He's so he is my biggest cheerleader. And I'm really grateful for him. And we give each other you know, good hard time every now and again. Because I didn't want to rock the boat. And I don't want to cause an argument, I let that problem go. By the time I finally had the conviction and my spirit to say something, it ended up being like a $30,000 problem. Versus to fix versus we actually could have gotten the previous owner to cover because of the timeframe in when I discovered this problem. And so, you know, you just think about all the times you don't speak up all the times you don't take the action, the aligned action that you want to take all the time. So you push down your truth, to make someone else feel comfortable in your space. And it costs it costs you time, money, energy. Ultimately, that emotional freedom that I think is so important. Now, of course I did get to say to my husband, you listen to me now forever and ever first time.

Mel Abraham  24:03  
Yeah, yeah. It's usually just takes a couple years before us husbands will will figure this thing out and go, just listen. Just, you know, just go with it. All right. But I think that that that's the cool thing to start looking at it. But here's the the other side of that what you're not saying and I'm I know I mentioned it before is you you're saying to speak your mind and your truth?

Rachel Luna  24:36  
Yes. Okay. Well, let me explain that if I can you I am. Speak your mind and your truth and people will say but how do I know my truth? So I'm actually saying to you connect to your identity. How do you figure that out? A very simple framework, your values plus your beliefs equals your identity. So what do you value now? One of the Think this is a question I asked all the time clients tell me what you value. You know what they say top two answers always. God, my family and my friends, God, family relationships. Those are the top three that will come up. I'll say, Okay, awesome. You say God? Do you have a practice? Like a faith practice? Do you pray every day? You know, are you in whatever your book of your God is? No, I don't do that. Okay, cool. No big deal. You say you value your family. Show me? Do you have vacations already planned out? Do you do something special with your family? Every night? Or once a week? Do you have a standing date with your husband or your spouse? No, I don't have that. Okay, cool. All right. So talk to me about relationships, you say you value relationships? Are you making time for in person connection? Do you get on phone calls with friends? Just for fun? None. Okay, so what are you really doing with your time. And then I have them show me their calendar. And their calendar is filled with everything. But the things that they said they value. So if you want to know, if you are living your life, according to your values, open up your calendar, because your time will tell where your values dwell. That's not a Rachel Luna original. But it is surely a great quote, okay. That's the first step. If you are looking at your finances, and they don't tell the picture that you want them to tell that, you know, that's not showing you what you want to see. You're not spending time and your money, you're not giving it the attention, you're not valuing it the way that you say that you want it. And so I would say to you pay attention to where you're spending your time. If you do not feel personal fulfilment. See six out of seven days of the week, you are spending time out of alignment with your values, and it is causing friction, and discontent. And you don't realize it because you've been so used to this pattern that you've settled for this discomfort, you've actually become very comfortable in this discomfort. Now let's take a look at our beliefs. One thing I want to say which I actually didn't include in the book, you know, there's always like one little nuance that you forget to throw in there. But, um, one thing I want to make sure that we start normalizing is giving ourselves permission to change our beliefs. Sometimes we get so committed to a belief, and we don't want to let it go. Because this is how everyone knew me. And you have to give yourself permission to let some people learn a new you get to know a new you. So you're gonna look at your beliefs. What do you believe? And why do you believe it? Now now, you know, I'm a god, girl, I'm a Christian. And by the way, I am not here to tell anybody what they should or should not believe. To be honest, I do not care that's with you and your maker. If you think that you have a maker, or you don't whatever, but as for me, I'm going to serve the Lord, the Lord, the God of the Bible. And people will say, Well, why do you believe that? And I will say, You know what, every single day I asked myself that question, because if I were just to take the Bible at face value, nah, I'm not buying that Mary and Joseph didn't get it in one time. And absurd. Jesus was just the like, Haha, I'm not buying this whole Jonah lived in the whale. Really, he survived. You know, some of these Bible stories. They just don't land there for me. But I choose to believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God. I choose to believe in this God, the Christian God and Jesus because of the evidence that I have in my personal life. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I remember on this was not some real crazy amount, okay, but just go with it for a second. And then you can reject it if you want. And that's okay. Because your truth doesn't make me a liar. And my truth doesn't make you a liar. We just have two different beliefs about the same situation. July 4 2019 3:25pm, I'm at a conference. I'm two days newly diagnosed, I just get the call that there is a tumor it is multiplying at 93% per day. Do you know how fast that car is growing for it to be multiplying at 93% per day. And I am terrified because I've got these two little girls that meet their mom. So I go to this event. Now. You and I love events don't we Mau we are in there. That's where there were front row, row VIP all the way. So I go to this event and I say to my girlfriend who's the organizer said I'm here to volunteer. I've got to take my My mind off of this. And the best way that I can take my mind off of this is to be of service is to go and pour out love and, and just blessings to everyone else because at least that gives me purpose for the day and will help me stay focused on why I want to live. I said The only caveat is that when Beth Tucker speaks on stage, I am going to be in that room because I'm going to get a blessing from her right. Let's just peel this away. That was a belief that I held. And what I want to impress upon our listeners today is the power of what you choose to believe, and how when you choose to believe one way or another, it informs your decisions and informs your actions and it most certainly informs your results. Pastor Beth Tucker gets on stage and she's casting out demons and she's just doing her thing. And then she says, Is there anyone with QA? All I heard was, I'm gonna hear the rest of the her sentence. So I run to the front of the room, and I throw my hands down and I am crying like God, please Jesus saved me. Don't let me die all the things. And I hear a voice Now mind you, I've never heard God speaking to me audibly. So now I think I have officially lost my mind. And I hear a voice say, you will be cancer free within 30 days. And I look up and I'm like, I'm going crazy. Oh my god, there's something else wrong with me. Because how can that be? No one is healed from cancer within 30 days. No, that's unheard of. And then I started to get this download of start fasting, start tithing, wake up at 4am in the morning, and pray, I get just all these things. And then I heard the Word document. So I go back to my chair, look at the time 3:25pm, July 4 2019. I write down everything that I've heard. And then I just go and do. Now. Did I know those things? No, honestly, I truly thought I was losing my mind. But I had hope, faith and belief that just maybe it would work. And do you know now that that was on July 4, on July 29, I got a call from my oncologist, there was no evidence of disease, 25 days, within 20 days, there's no evidence of disease. So all that being said, I don't know if the God of the Bible is a God. But it's a belief that I've chosen to accept because of the evidence I have in my life, and it's okay with me. If people around me don't believe me, it's okay with me. If people think I'm crazy, I'm willing to look crazy, I'm willing to look foolish for my conviction, I'm willing to tell this story. You know, a lot of people don't like me to tell this story about because they're like, Oh, you're gonna offend my audience. You know, this. This is a podcast about money. Nobody wants to hear about God. I understand that. But this is part of how we got here. This is part of my journey. And if you want to know my story, I have to tell you this part of the story, because it informs why I believe so much and giving yourself permission to offend. Because you know what the doctors told me. And maybe they told you this too. You need 53 weeks of chemo, and then six to eight weeks of radiation. And go and eat as many burgers and fries and milkshakes as you want. Because you're so petite, you need the calories. Now you and I before we began recording, what did we talk about the radical diet changes that we made right, and cut out dairy and cutting out sugar because you and I both know that for set for us. We won't say for everybody will say for you and I we believe that no sugar, no dairy, low grains is the path for healing for us. Would you agree with me on that?

Mel Abraham  34:11  
I would I actually did it fast too. Yeah,

Rachel Luna  34:15  
there will be people that gets so angry. There are people in the cancer community that gets so angry that I did not choose the conventional chemotherapy or radiation track. And that's okay. I've respect their anger because their anger is really a mask for fear and doubt, and unbelief. Well,

Mel Abraham  34:39  
look, and this obviously, it's not the topic of the show as far as cancer and all that stuff, but it's life. And if we're to live a rich life, if we're to because I questioned my doctors, in fact, in fact, the very first doctor that I went to, so we got diagnosed about the same time you No and, and the very first doctor I went to, I go in and he says the CT scan showed a five centimeter tumor, I need to go in with a scope and let's verify it. Now that was a Thursday, and he goes into the scope. And he says, yeah, it's there. We were supposed to leave to England the next day. He said, I need to cancel your trip. I need you in surgery on Monday. And I walk out. And look at Stephanie. And I said, he's not touching me. She goes, I, she goes, I agree. She goes, Why do you say, and I said, first things first, he had the CT scan for 12 days. And now it's an emergency. The way he said I do the surgeries sounded like I take the trash out every week. And I said it just in I just there was a feeling. So we literally sat in the parking lot. She's in the medical industry. So she starts calling colleagues, who's the best surgeon who's the best surgeon who's the best surgeon. This guy's name came up three times. We call his office, his assistant said, we happen to have an opening tomorrow morning at 9am. Wow, he's been my surgeon ever since. And I think that we suppress the voices within us for because maybe we don't know where they're coming from, we don't know. But it's the same voice that is the yearning in us to live bigger. It's the same voice that yearning us to dream bigger. It's the same voice in us that is saying, there is more for you out there. And yet we suppress it because people might think something, we suppress it, because it's not what we're supposed to do. We suppress it for whatever reason. But the one thing that happens when we suppress it, is we live a smaller life. Hmm. That's me. And obviously, it's not not necessary about money. But it is it is in the sense that that so many people will just not think about the money. So I can't be a millionaire. You know what 80% of people that are millionaires are first generation millionaires, they created it on their own, they didn't win it, they didn't inherit it, they didn't do anything. They created it. So if 80% of people eight out of 10 people can do it. Why can't you? Well, I think that the biggest thing is, is the first thing is that the convert, like you said, the conversations we're having in our in with it with ourselves, about success, about relationships, about health, about money about all the things and I think when we start there, we start to recast our life in a different vision.

Rachel Luna  37:52  
Yes, and it actually, in my opinion, is about the money to an extent, because when I think about the path, the healing path that I chose, none of that was covered by insurance. And thank God, I had the money, I had the I had the flexibility to write a $35,000 check. And because my doctor where I went to get treatment was no payment plan, you pay before you even before you get your ID bracelet, you're fully paid. And so it was having the mindset even leading up to that, right. This is why we aspire to have affluence. It's not because money is the thing. It's what the money can do for us to have the life that we desire to have to have the freedom, the flexibility, and the access. Do you know that women of color disproportionately die of breast cancer in particular triple negative the kind that I was diagnosed with, then white women? And do you know why that is? It's not a genetic thing. It's a class an access issue. And so by the time that women of color finally say, Okay, I'm gonna go in and pay the deductible, it's too late. And that's a class thing that can be easily resolved when we start giving ourselves permission to own our abundance, and our wealth and create, make those better decisions just like you teach us. You know, I don't know if you know the smell. But years ago, my babies were young, and you were so generous. You sat down with me, I was like, Well, I want to make money like you make money, tell me how to do it. And you sat down with three. And you were telling me all the ways that I could, if things smart things I could do with my money, and I listened to you and I immediately set up accounts for my kids. And so now these girls by the time they're 40, they will each have about a million dollars in their accounts by themselves. You also taught me about getting insurance on myself, and we won't say what my insurance policy is. But let's just say it's going to be really it's layers legacy behind. And all of all of that are wise decisions that we get to me, you know that there are people that told me I didn't need those things, and that I was wasting money and that it wasn't smart to, you know, you're you're living so you know, on pennies right now, and I was a gap because I see a bigger picture. Yeah.

Mel Abraham  40:28  
And your plan, all of it is planting seeds, and seeds for the future. But, and I think that that's really the key look, I started down this money journey in a different way, because of a picture that Jeremy drew at six years old, he showed me that I was living life, out of balance I was showed me that I was out of harmony, he showed me that, that he didn't understand because it was a picture, but it was a mirror, created a mirror of what he saw. And I had to either look in the mirror or turn away. And if I was going to look in the mirror, I had to change things. And the beautiful thing at the hands of a six year old to learn that, hey, you can do business, you can do career, you can be a parent, you can be in relationships, and you can be you can build wealth, the same time, the beautiful, you know, outcome of that, you know, I did all of that, because I wanted my time to be able to do things because I think that our wealth should be measured in time. And the number of moments we get to control and not dollars. But it's the very thing that allowed me, like you said, the privilege, the luxury or whatever you however you want to term it. The blessing that when I was diagnosed, to sit back and say, I don't care where the best doctors are. I don't care what it takes. I'm gonna fight this battle, I'll find the battle battle. And I'm doing it because of my love for life. My love for my wife, though I love for my kid my love for being here, my love for serving. But it was all the work that I did before. And that's what I'm hoping people start to see is that it's not the money for money's sake, is to be able to control all the aspects of your life in a way that you live a life of choice, and options. And a life that I think is, is built because the decisions we make around our money today should serve the future we want tomorrow. And there's a difference between something that I've talked about a lot recently, is I think that people want too much. And what I mean by this is this. If we talk to someone about their wants, or their goals, they'll make a list of wants, like a mile long. But wants are very soft, fuzzy little things that a year later, two years later, when you get the watch, you go, Well, I wanted it, but I didn't get it. And you try again, I want people to shrink that list down to a handful of wills because a will is a declaration, a will is going to scare you because you have to go out there and say, I will do this, I will beat this I will get healthy, I will have a great relationship, I will be a good parent, it will be a good spouse. And you have to make that declaration. When you make that declaration, it goes back to what you were saying. And that is identity. Because when we do that, we have to align and be congruent with that pathway. And so whether it's with our money, whether it's with financial freedom, whether it's health relationships, it starts to drive all of it and so I sit back and I say don't want so much. It's really meaningful wills and get

Rachel Luna  44:10  
I had to write that down. I don't know if you notice that's the mouse taking us to church, right?

Mel Abraham  44:17  
Yeah. Oh, you got me going girl. Oh my god. This whole conversation. Like you said, it is a life conversation we're having here. It's a quality of life conversation. It's it's how you get to live fully expressed. And so I'm going to y'all are listening, you all are watching. I hope that you go and make sure that you get this book permission to offend and, and realize that what she's asking you and inviting you to do is to live your life fully expressed. To to know that that if you got caught at home tonight, tomorrow, the next day, whatever it is that you can look yourself in the eyes and say, I did it all. I did what I, what I was meant to, I had a dear friend who just passed away at 47 years old. So sorry, and and it's too young for kids, it's too soon. And I, it really got me realizing and I'm not, I'm not close to 47, I'm on the other side of 47. But at the same time to sit back and go, I don't know what I did with the years behind me. But I certainly know what I'm gonna do with the years in front of me. Or at least at the moment in front of me.

Rachel Luna  45:42  
I was gonna say You said something so interested is I certainly know. And I think that there are a lot of people who don't know. And so when they hear someone like you with that level of conviction, it actually creates a little bit of dissonance. And it actually creates a deregulation of the nervous system. So I want to really quickly speak to the person having that moment right now. And this is one of the things that we talk about in the book as well is paying attention to how other people's life experience affects you, and how it either helps or hinders you. So there's a section in the book where I titled slow your scroll. And so you'll pay attention to when was the last time you didn't feel the uneasiness? Okay, so you just said something so powerful. I know where I'm going. And I know there's a listener who's thinking, How do I how does he know? How do I know? And so now you're going to start to feel all these emotions. So what I want to encourage you have to do is to go back to right before you heard that, and what was your state? And what is it about what Mel just said, that is triggering for you? Are you afraid that you don't know? Are you afraid that you do know? And you don't have that level of conviction? What's actually coming up for you? What is the story that you're telling yourself around the thought? And what are the facts, because if you can start to separate that, and then get very curious, you will be able to have the same level of conviction that Mel has around his next moment, and then his future moments. So I'm so glad that you did that. Because whenever I encounter people like you who are so affirmed in their truth, like you're fully self expressed, and I venture to say that you are the epitome of the empathetic offender, which is what we talked about in Chapter 14, the frameworks thanks so mouth frameworks in the book. And so when we are the empathetic offender, we are stating our truth, according to our values and beliefs, we're doing it with compassion, with empathy, and with conviction. And it also allows you to open space for the other person's perspective. So in this conversation, Mel has been very generous to let me share my faith perspective, you know, my my health perspective, and the whole time, whether he's agreed with me or disagreed, he's held the space. That is an empathetic offender. Now, if he were going to operate from the wounds that offender, he'd be like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is not what we're talking about. Shut that down. I don't want to hear anything, you have to say get back on Tatia, and there would have been some friction. But when you can give yourself that permission to be the empathetic offender, we get to have incredibly meaningful conversations. And then we start to learn from each other. If we had more time, I would go all the way in with Mao and start asking him, well, let's talk about this conviction. And how do you get there? Where Where do you not feel convicted. And so the curiosity that you can bring both to a conversation or dialogue with someone else, a conversation that you're listening to, or the internal conversations that you're having with yourself will be the cleat the key to your clarity, and there's so much more in the book.

Mel Abraham  49:19  
So good. I mean, we could talk for a while. But here's, here's the deal. I get this and I know, this is this, I think it's gonna hit some people. And it might be confronting and I hope in a way it is. But I hope, my hope is that what what you will do as you listen as you hear, is to do it with the open mind and not not the judgment and to ask, What can I glean from it? What can I take from it? What can I use from it? And not? Because neither one of us are asking you to believe what we believe. We see We are hoping that you will believe in you. And find the beliefs that are in you that maybe have been suppressed. The belief in your dreams, the belief in the relationships, the power, the relationships, you can have your children, your giving your generosity, all of that. Because I truly believe that, that that's what the world needs now loves, or whatever. But here's the deal. Do me a favor, where can they find not only the book, but a more about Rachel. And because I think that that this conversation isn't just a conversation it is it is a something that we need to keep at the forefront. Because if we're going to grow and live our lives fully and fully expressed, we need to be able to have these conversations.

Rachel Luna  50:57  
Thank you. Oh, I would love since you're already listening to a podcast for you to subscribe to my podcast. It's the same title permission to offend. And visit me over at rachelluna.com. If you are an Instagramer, I'm @girlconfident. So those are the three best places. And feel free to DM me any questions, any challenges? I love having these conversations. And I do personally respond.

Mel Abraham  51:22  
Awesome. Well, we'll hook that all up in the in the show notes in the description, and all that stuff. And we'd love to hear from you on the show, too. So what was your biggest takeaway? What is something that you had? If you have questions, you can submit them to me too. And let's keep this conversation going, Rachel, so good to have a chance to chat with you. So good to have you on the show. And so glad you're you're healthy, you're vibrant and you're serving because that's where your soul belongs.

Rachel Luna  51:51  
You as well. Thank you mom, love you so much.

Mel Abraham  51:55  
Thank you for listening to the affluent entrepreneurship with me your host Mel Abraham. If you want to achieve financial liberation to create an affluent lifestyle, join me in the affluent entrepreneur Facebook group now by going to melabraham.com/group and I'll see you there

Transcribed by https://otter.ai