Empowering Tips to Manage Mom Guilt

Introduction 

• Welcome: 
  • Confidence high and confidence low
  • Giveaway! 
• What to Expect: I will share three takeaways you can use to help manage mom guilt.

What is Mom Guilt? 

• Define Mom Guilt: feeling like you're not doing enough or that you're falling short as a mom
• Why it’s Common: Societal pressures, personal expectations, and comparison.
• Acknowledge the Emotion: Guilt is normal but doesn’t have to take over our lives. I think guilt is a good reminder for us of where we can be better and adjust our priorities. It doesn’t mean we aren’t doing a good job. 

Takeaway #1: Focus on the Present, Not the Past 

• My Practice: Focusing on the present, not dwelling on past mistakes or regrets.
• Grounding Techniques: Grounding myself helps me stay connected with my children and correct mistakes lovingly. 
• Implementation Tip:  
  • Feeling guilty or overwhelmed - Get outside. 
  • Look at their hands. 
  • Think of my mom 
  • Breathing and affirmations 
  • Ask for help 
• Mindset Shift: Each moment is a fresh opportunity to try again and show love.

Takeaway #2: Prioritize Self-Compassion 

• What is Self-Compassion?: Treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend. Think of my future self as my best friend! 
• Why It Helps with Guilt: Self-compassion can soften feelings of guilt and build resilience.
• Implementation Tip: Practical ways to be kinder to oneself - positive affirmations, journaling moments of success, recognizing small wins.
• Affirmation Examples:, 
  • “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”
  • “I can always try again”
  • More in my instagram highlights

Takeaway #3: Set Realistic Expectations 

• Pressure to Be Perfect: Many moms feel pressure to do it all, perfectly.
• Letting Go of Unrealistic Goals: Release the need to be "supermom" and set more realistic, attainable goals.
• Implementation Tip: Use a priority list—what must get done today, what can wait, and what doesn’t matter. (Holiday cards, special holiday traditions, picture perfect moments) 
• Reframe Success: Success as a mom is not perfection, but connection and effort. Perfectionism kills progress. 

Conclusion and Encouragement

• Recap: Focusing on the present, practicing self-compassion, and setting realistic expectations.
• Final Encouragement: You are an amazing mom. Managing guilt is a journey, not a destination.
• This is Us & Parenthood quotes.

"I can’t be a perfect mom, but I can be a good one. And that's good enough for them." – This Is Us

"Being a mom is hard,

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Chapters

• 0:03 Managing Mom Guilt
• 9:51 Practical Tips for Managing Mom Guilt
• 20:28 Boosting Podcast Engagement

Transcript

Ciera: 0:03

you're listening to confidently beautiful with Ciera a podcast to help you stay confidently beautiful, because we all have confidence inside us. We just need to bring it out and I'm here to show you how body image, dreams, parenting, style, personality and more here we cover it all. Get ready to stay confidently beautiful another podcast, hello, hello. Thank you for joining in. I am so happy to be talking today and we are going to be talking about something that I think a lot of us, as mothers, can really relate to. And to start off this episode, I thought it would be fun to start off with a confidence high and a confidence low. It's been a while since I've done these I used to do these a lot where I just share a confidence high that I've had from the week and then a confidence low. I love to hear yours. So send me a message if you want to share your confidence high and confidence low from the week. It's always really great to hear different confidence highs and different confidence lows from different moms, so share yours. I'd love to hear it. So my confidence high for this week was that I was able to confidently help one of my children navigate some of their big emotions that they were feeling and I was able to remain calm and present and I actually was able to remember the tools that I have been really trying hard to learn and practice and implement into my parenting and I was able to remember them to help them navigate this hard moment for them, and that felt really really good. My confidence low for the week was definitely my house. It is even still like, as I'm sitting here recording this, looking around, it is still a disaster, and so I just have not been feeling like I have been able to stay on top of things with my house, and that has been really, really hard to try and get rid of. That negative feeling of like reflecting on myself and having the clutter in the house being a reflection of me and knowing that sometimes things just get really messy. Like my husband's been very, very busy, we just haven't had a lot of extra time to be picking up all the stuff and we've gotten a little bit lazy with our habits of putting things away right away, and so it just it's a reminder be better about putting things away right away and not let the reflection of the mess. That doesn't mean that I am a big mess. I just need to remind myself that. So that's my confidence low. We all have those and it's okay. I have a really awesome giveaway. This podcast episode episode is number 52. So we have done over 50 episodes and it has been so fun to do this podcast. I can't even tell you it's so fun.

Ciera: 2:34

People say like a lot of times that like how do you have a podcast, like I would run out of things to say or like nobody would want to hear what I say, and I definitely have a lot of those thoughts. I think there's like imposter syndrome is a real thing and those things definitely come into my mind. But I do think that this podcast has been such a fun, creative outlet and it is surprising how many ideas come into my head. And I love more than anything to have guests on this podcast. I think that I mean, yeah, maybe I have my own thoughts and my own experiences that I hope are helpful when I share, but having guests on the podcast is so much more fun. I love having guests and we have had 14 guest episodes, which is pretty awesome. So I mean most of them more than half of them for sure are just my solo episodes, but having 14 of those 52 be guest episodes is really, really fun. So I'm doing a fun giveaway. It's a fall basket giveaway. It's going to have some fall goodies in it. You're definitely going to want to enter to win. So if you would like to enter to possibly win that, then I will include a link in the show notes, but it's just on my Instagram. You can find the post pinned at the top.

Ciera: 3:45

Today we are going to be talking about how we can find peace and confidence as a mother as we are managing our mom guilt. Mom guilt is something that we are all, as mothers, guilty of feeling. We all feel it, and I'm going to share three takeaways that you can use to help you manage your own mom guilt, because it's something that we will all feel and we will all have to try and navigate. And it's not. I don't like to think mom guilt is necessarily a bad thing, but it's something that I think that we can try and work better at navigating through those feelings and taking, like, the shame and the negative context away from it and just taking it more as a sign and an opportunity to grow as a mom. So, basically, in a nutshell, what mom guilt is.

Ciera: 4:35

I think we all know from feeling it is just feeling like you're not doing enough or that you're falling short as a mom. I felt that this week as I looked around my house and my house is so cluttered and even starting to get too dirty and I feel that way like, oh, this isn't fair to my kids to be living in this and you know, I feel all those negative thoughts that can come into my head, negative emotions. It's so common to feel this. Every person feels this. Who is a parent. They feel some sort of guilt. You're not present enough with your kids, you snapped at your kids, you're not providing enough joy or opportunity for your kids.

Ciera: 5:11

Like there's so many thoughts that we have as parents that come into our head that can be translated into guilt, and I think that, like there's pressures from people around us that maybe we feel like there are certain expectations that the world has that we need to maintain, our own personal expectations that we feel like we need to maintain. I think comparison is I mean, comparison is the thief of joy, like that. That quote is so true in so many areas of our life, and and if we spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to other families or to other situations, then I think it can take a lot of guilt on into our life and bring a lot of that negative feeling. I think idolizing other women as like they've got it all put together, they've got it like whatever, and just like the little snippets that we see of either of their life, what social media portrays or little conversations we have we don't always have the big picture, or maybe we do have the big picture, maybe that mom is just literally rocking it.

Ciera: 6:16

But I also think that there is really something awesome about acknowledging those moms that are having their moments of awesomeness and just being so proud of them and like like I could be so happy for myself this past week when I helped my child navigate their feelings and I was able to take all of the things that I have been trying and learning and able to help. And so I think celebrating other moms around us but not letting their victories and their good moments and their shining moments make us feel any worse about ours, even if we're in a really lower moment, being just genuinely happy for them and not letting their happy moment put guilt onto us Does that make sense? I just think that that is something that you can kind of spin that you could take on to like social media portrayals or conversations or whatever it is that you see, and then also remember that you don't always have the big picture. I think to acknowledge those feelings is also fine, like, I think, to feel if you have a feeling of like well, I didn't do this for my kids, this person did this, or I really shouldn't have snapped at my kids when they were just asking for help, or whatever it is that you're saying, I think to acknowledge that you're feeling those things is important, like those feelings, I think can be a good reminder for us of where we can be better and where we can adjust our priorities and how we can just become a better mom in general, but it doesn't mean that we aren't doing a good job.

Ciera: 7:50

My first takeaway I mean I kind of already have gone into it, but my first takeaway is to focus on the present, not the past. I like to try and focus on living in the moment. It brings more joy into my house. It brings more joy to me not dwelling on all the mistakes that I've made, and I think there's a fine line, like you definitely want to remember the mistakes that you've made so that you can learn from them and not make them again, but don't like dwell on them so much that you're just letting that guilt overtake you. And I have a lot of mistakes, a lot of mistakes that I have made as a mom and I will continue to make mistakes every day.

Ciera: 8:22

I am not perfect. I remind my kids of that all the time. I am so not perfect. I make mistakes all the time and I just try and take those mistakes and I try and learn from them. I definitely have moments where I am having my own pity party, but I think to try and just focus on okay, well, what can I do now? What am I doing right now and what can I do? Going forward and not dwelling on the past too much is really important.

Ciera: 8:46

Whenever I am in the moment and I am feeling that guilt come on, I like to take a step outside. I do this with my babies when they're screaming. I do it with my toddlers. I sometimes will just take them outside and just go look around, go see what you can see in nature, just get some fresh air. And I find for even for myself, as I'm feeling like those feelings of overwhelm or guilt, it helps me so much to just get outside. I also like to look at my kids' hands just when they're having their moments of melting down or I'm having moments of like wow, I, I have not done enough for them. I just look at their little hands and I remember that they are just tiny little people and it really puts in perspective to be present and focus on that moment. I also think of my mom, because I know my mom wasn't perfect, but I still remember having an amazing childhood and so I can think of think of it in that perspective of like I would never want my mom to feel like she failed, because I don't think she did. And so I think of her and just kind of, and that helps bring me back into the moment. Breathing and affirmations, I think, are so helpful.

Ciera: 9:51

And asking for help. This is something that I'm still trying to learn, but asking for help before you get to your breaking point, before you are over the edge, saying to your husband when he walks in the door, I need you to take the kids, I need a 10 minute walk. Or calling a mom or a friend and say, hey, let's go to the park, let's just get out together, or maybe not even getting being able to be with somebody, but just call somebody and just hear another voice or just to say, like this is really, really hard and just talk about it and then to focus on the present after that. It will help you to remember that each moment is a brand new opportunity to try again and show more love. Hi, my beautiful listeners, I am looking to mentor some people. If you have been interested in owning your own beauty business, please reach out to me. Send me a DM. I'm looking to mentor people in owning a business, whether that's just focusing on skincare, focusing on makeup. Maybe you're interested in starting your own podcast or some sort of platform to promote self-love and beauty and confidence. Please reach out to me. I want to mentor some people, so send me a message at confidently beautiful podcast on Instagram, or you can send me an email at confidently beautiful with Sierra at gmailcom. I'm really excited to hear from you. And now let's get back to the episode.

Ciera: 11:10

My takeaway number two is to prioritize self-compassion, so treating yourself with like the same kindness that you would show a friend. Think of your future self as your best friend. Like what is future Sierra going to want from this moment? Like she's not going to want to feel this way, and so how can I treat her the best way that I can? If Sierra came to me and said, well, I did this to my kids, or I didn't do this for them, or I was away for this much time, then am I going to sit there and say, wow, you're a terrible mother? Like no, I would never. I would never do that to any of my friends. I would never do that to my my best friend. So why do I do it to myself? So I think of myself as my best friend. My future self is my best friend. And as I'm talking to myself, like how how can I talk to myself in a way that is going to be loving and to help ease the guilt? This just helps me to have a lot more self-compassion, can soften my feelings of guilt and helps me to kind of build resilience and to just remember that I can try again. It's each moment is a fresh opportunity to try again.

Ciera: 12:19

Some ideas of like how you could have the self-compassion moments and to grow this kinder way of speaking to yourself is to put a note in your phone and anytime that you have like a personal win, a moment of success, write it down in a note in your phone or keep a journal where you write down your moments of success, even the small ones, like don't just think of just the really big ones, but even the small ones, even that random, like playing on the playground and then all of a sudden kid runs towards you, gives you the giant hug and says I love you, mom, and then runs back to this to the slide to keep playing. Just even those small things, those are small wins, those are small moments, so that when we do have those feelings of guilt and overwhelm and frustration with ourselves, come then we can remember and we can maybe look back and read some ourselves. Come then we can remember and we can maybe look back and read some of our entries, of these small wins and small moments, saying like a positive affirmation through your head I'm doing my best and that is enough. I can always try again. Each moment is a fresh start. Something like that in your head can really really be helpful to kind of rewire your thinking in your brain and to thinking different thoughts. I have on my Instagram I have a highlight that's saved I think it's called phone wallpaper and I have some affirmations that you can save and you can just put them on your phone. So anytime you pick up your phone to unlock it, then you have this affirmation and it's just a subtle reminder of oh yeah, it's okay, I don't need to be perfect at this and and I can do this.

Ciera: 13:47

The third takeaway is to set realistic expectations. We I talked about this uh, I think it was a couple episodes ago when I had posted on my Instagram about, like, what helps you to be a confident mom. Realistic expectations was one that a lot of people said. I think that this goes perfectly with mom guilt, because if we acknowledge that most moms probably all moms feel pressure to do it all and that we all want to do it perfectly, then we will know like that's not realistic, nobody can do it perfectly. Okay, we're all feeling that we all feel like we have the pressure. Realistic, nobody can do it perfectly. Okay, we're all feeling that we all feel like we have the pressure, but like that's not a realistic expectation that we can have on ourselves. So I would just encourage you to release the need to be super mom I'm talking to myself here, too like, release the need to be super mom and set more realistic and attainable goals. Like don't don't try and like have a 30 page to do list for the summer and think that, yeah, by the end of the summer we're going to have had the best summer of our lives and it's going to be amazing and we're going to do all these things. And then feeling like at the end of summer like you failed, like pick two things and that's OK.

Ciera: 14:58

We're coming up on fall break and I was asking my kids and they, they have high expectations up on fall break. And I was asking my kids and they, they have high expectations. They were. I was like what do you want to do over for fall break? And my oldest was like, oh, I have a plan and she goes in about her whole plan over fall break. And then when I asked my little boy what he wanted to do, then he was like I want to go here and here and here and here. And so for both of them I had to be like, okay, those are really good ideas. Let's maybe pick one and let's see what we can do, because we may not have time to do all of them. So I'm trying to set their expectations of okay, we're probably not going to be able to do 10 things over fall break. Let's pick one. If we can do more, awesome. If not, that's okay. We did the one thing that we really wanted to do. So I'm doing that with my kids. Why am I not doing it with myself? Why am I not setting my expectations to be more realistic? I think if we can do that, it will eliminate so much guilt because I even me I'm going into this fall break knowing, okay, we're only going to try and do one thing. I have five days off of school. We're going to try and do one thing. I think that's doable, I think that's attainable, I think I can doable, I think I can do it and I think that that is a really, really practical, easy way to not eliminate mom guilt, because I don't think we're ever going to eliminate it, but to lessen the mom guilt.

Ciera: 16:14

Use a priority list. When I do brain dumps, then I find it really helpful to kind of just brain dump everything and then just to go through and circle like what really matters, like what's really important, and oftentimes there's a lot of things on that list, but do they really matter? Like no, they don't. And so, if I can just kind of let go of those and just I mean I don't have to forget them but just focus on okay, I don't have to like really really do this, like I can. I can maybe just do these necessities and still feel really good about it. Christmas cards that's one thing that I I've been so often on all the years. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. But if I have a year that I'm just like, nope, it's not in the budget, it's not in my time capacity, it's not in my mental capacity, like nope, we're just not doing it and I skip it, then I just let it go, it's fine, it's not a big deal if I don't do them. You can do that with anything. The special holiday traditions, those picture perfect moments.

Ciera: 17:14

If you were trying to go into a situation and you had it exactly in your head like this is how it's going to be, this is how the kids are going to behave, like, just let go of all of that, because it's sometimes just not going to happen and that's okay. Your success as a mom is not about perfection. It's about your connection with your kids and your effort. Perfectionism is just going to kill any progress to become a better mom, to become a better person, to become a better wife. Whatever it is you're trying to do, it's going to kill it if you have perfectionism in your head. So set those realistic expectations. So a quick recap the three takeaways are focus on being present, don't focus on the past. Prioritize self-compassion and set realistic expectation. You are all amazing moms, every mom who's listening to this. You're amazing and I can say that confidently because I know If you're taking the time to listen to a podcast like this, you're trying. You are trying to be a better mom. So I can say that and I know anyone who's listening. Yep, I know it, I know it. You've made it to the end of this podcast episode. You are putting in the work. You're an amazing mom and Managing our mom guilt is a journey.

Ciera: 18:26

We're never going to master it. We're going to have days where we're going to just feel guilty. We're going to have moments where we're just like, wow, I am not living up to what I want to be, and that's okay. Those are reminders to realign our priorities. Maybe we need to correct something and it's okay. Those are just learning moments. But don't let that feeling of disappointment in yourself or a feeling like you're failing overcome you or define who you are.

Ciera: 18:56

I have two TV shows that I really love that are like about parenting this Is Us. I think a lot of us can say, yes, like we love this Is Us. And the TV show Parenthood it's an older one. I have two quotes that us can say, yes, like we love, this is us. And the TV show parenthood it's an older one. I have two quotes that I want to share from both of these TV shows, because I think that they just like sum up all of this so perfectly. So from this is us, it says I can't be a perfect mom, but I can be a good one, and that's good enough for them. Our kids don't want us to be perfect, they just want us to be good, and I think that's so well said. And then from parenthood being a mom is hard and we don't always get it right, but the love is there. Even in the mistakes, even when we're yelling at our kids, even when we forget to do something that we promised them that we would do, even when we don't live up to their expectations we don't get something the way that they had it in their head the love is still there, the intention is still there and we're going to make mistakes. Even in the mistakes, we still love them.

Ciera: 19:53

I would encourage you to try and take one of these tips and just try it today. It'd be something so simple, and I would love to hear about your experiences, if you have anything, and I'd also love to hear any other takeaways that you have. I know there's so many ways that we can manage our mom guilt and tips and tricks that we can use to help improve our emotional well-beings as moms and to become just better moms in general. Thank you so much for listening. If you loved this episode, I would love it if you would send it to a mom who's doing a good job. Send it to them, tell them they're doing a good job.

Ciera: 20:28

Leave me a review. It really, really helps this podcast. It helps more people be able to find it and we can help more moms eliminate their mom guilt and become more confident in their motherhood. Thank you, our next episode is going to be a great one, so you are going to want to tune into that. It will be airing next week and I can't wait to talk to you then. Stay confidently beautiful. Thanks for listening. Connect with me on Instagram at confidently beautiful podcast and share this episode with someone in your life who could use a little reminder of just how amazing they already are. Stay confidently beautiful.