Confidently Beautiful with Ciera
In this podcast Ciera talks to you about bringing out your confidence in all areas of our life. Dream chasing, parenting, body image, health, money, relationships and so much more. Ciera covers it all. Get ready to stay confidently beautiful.
Confidently Beautiful with Ciera
Breaking Free from the 'If Only' Trap
Have you ever caught yourself saying, "Just one more thing to do, then I can relax"? That sneaky mental trap might be stealing your joy right now.
This week, I'm diving into the dangerous "if only then" cycle that keeps so many of us chasing an ever-moving finish line. You know how it goes—if only I can clean the kitchen, then I'll enjoy making dinner. If only I finish the laundry, then I can play with my kids. If only I lose five more pounds, then I'll feel good about myself. Sound familiar?
What I've discovered is that there's a profound disconnect between our time and our values. We say we value rest, connection, and joy, but our to-do lists take priority. Last Thursday, after a week of postponing fun, I had my wake-up call. The house would never be perfectly done, so why keep waiting? That impromptu pool day with my kids taught me more than a week of productivity ever could.
Instead of letting your to-do list run your life, what if you build your schedule around what you value most? I'll share my game-changing "connection calendars" system and four practical steps to break free from the endless cycle: identify your values, schedule value-based time first, reframe your tasks from obligations to choices, and learn to declare "enough." Because peace isn't waiting at the end of your to-do list—it's available right now, in the middle of the mess.
Are you ready to stop postponing joy? What have you been putting off that you could give yourself permission to enjoy today? Share this episode with a friend who might need this reminder, and join me next week for more ways to stay confidently beautiful.
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You're listening to Confidently Beautiful with Ciera, a podcast to help you stay confidently beautiful, because we all have confidence inside us. We just need to bring it out and I'm here to show you how Body image, dreams, parenting, style, personality and more. Here we cover it all. Get ready to stay confidently beautiful. Ready to stay confidently beautiful. Hello, welcome back to the podcast. I am so happy you chose to tune in. If you are brand new, welcome.
Ciera:My name is Ciera. I am the host of this podcast and I help moms to feel confidence and bring joy into their lives. Last week we had an amazing episode. It was episode 71. So if you missed that, you're going to want to go back and listen because it was a hugely popular episode. It was with licensed marriage and family therapist, Lyndsey Troccoli, and she talked all about motherhood and mental health and the different stages of motherhood and mental health throughout all of the different stages, and it was a very, very well-received episode. I got a lot of people saying how much it helped them and it obviously showed in the numbers, because it was one of my most listened to episodes within the first 48 hours of it being available. So that was a really exciting moment for the podcast and I am so happy that we got to have Lindsay on, because I think that mental health is hugely important and something that we all need to be more aware of.
Ciera:Last week I found found myself just thinking if only I can clean up the kitchen, then we can go out and do something fun. If only I can get two more things done on my to-do list, then we can go out and do something. If only I can finish these loads of laundry, then we can go do something. I found myself saying this to the kids. If they were asking me, like, let's go do something, what are we going to do fun today? Then I would just say I just need to get this done, I just need to get this done. And it was just constantly all week long. And then Thursday came and I was like you know what? We are not going to be doing anything fun because there is always going to be something else to do and I will always feel like there is something more than I could be doing. So I just decided in the late afternoon on Thursday I texted my mom and said can we use your pool? And we just went over and we went swimming, and you know what it was great it was that I still got home and there was all the things that I still wanted to get done, but I was able to just unplug for a minute and just enjoy the moment of summer and going swimming, and that was really, really a good moment for me and a good wake up call for me. So today we're going to be talking about that sneaky belief so many of us carry that if only I could just finish this one more thing, then I'll feel better, then I'll be more present, then I'll be more at peace. But what if that moment never actually comes? There's always going to be something else.
Ciera:This if only then mental loop can come up in so many different areas of our life. The example that I gave was within my home. If only I can get the kitchen clean, then I can actually enjoy making dinner. If only I can get through all these loads of laundry, then I can sit down and play with my kids. If only I can get all the bathrooms cleaned, then I can have a movie night with my family. That shows up in our motherhood moments and our household moments, but it even can show up with work. If only I can get through these emails, then I can feel like I can finally breathe and I can take a break. If only I can get this project done, then I will be able to relax and finally hit this goal that I've been trying to get. It can also happen with our self-worth. If only I can lose five more pounds, then I'll feel good about myself.
Ciera:I need to get some family pictures. So I don't like any of my clothes. I don't feel really great in any of them, so I'm just going to wait. If only I can just get a few more clothes, then I can take the family pictures and then pretty soon, what do we know? The family movie nighttime has passed. The picture season that you wanted has passed. Your work deadline has come and gone and you still feel stressed out and you haven't even had a break. So what's really going on here?
Ciera:There is a disconnect between time and values. We say we value rest, connection or fun, but then our schedules or our to-do lists take over. Do we really value those things? Are we waiting for permission to enjoy our life? Are we waiting until we can get that next thing done and then we can go have some fun? Who are we trying to earn it from. Are we feeling like we need a reward, like we need to work hard so we can get the reward? We keep chasing a finish line that just keeps moving. We keep running forward towards it, but it gets further and further away and all it does is it leaves us burnt out and disconnected from the things we actually care about and value the most. So what do you value? Do you value sitting down and spending time with your kids, looking them in the eye? Do you value that time for yourself on a Sunday evening to do your nails, do a face mask, watch a show, get ready for the new week? Do you value that time with your spouse to actually go on a date and not think about all of the things that you have in your to-do list, but actually be present and have fun? So what are your values?
Ciera:I know for me, some of my values are connection. Connection is a huge value for me and it's something that I've been working really hard on this year. I have talked about it before, but I have my connection calendars and I have different calendars for different people in my life and every single month I have a specific connection that I want to do with that person, because I found myself thinking, oh, okay, I want to take my son to this really cool new arcade place that just opened, oh, but I need to do this first and this first and then. And then, like everything keeps coming and I look at the calendar and I'm like, okay, what Saturday can I take him? Well, this Saturday I really should probably spend mowing the lawn and cleaning up the yard and getting ready for the new season. Oh, but then this next Saturday, like I have a whole bunch of stuff that I want to do. I wanted to get all these freezer meals done. I wanted to do all these things. And oh, this next Saturday, well, we have a dance rehearsal, we have a piano recital, and then I need to get some other things done in there too. So, and then, before I know it, like the new arcade place has been open for months and we still haven't even gone.
Ciera:And so I have found that connection for me. I need to have an intentional connection every single month so that I don't fall into this, if only then mindset trap, because I am, I do this all the time. So that's been one hack that I have found. I determined that connection is a value for me, and so I have then found how can I pre-plan to make these connections super important and priority so that this cycle doesn't continue and eventually I find that it's been four months and I haven't done the thing that I actually really want to do and the thing that it means the most to me.
Ciera:Another way to break this cycle is a mindset shift. So, instead of thinking, if only I can get the bedroom completely clean and picked up all the toys, then I will let myself. Go take the kids to the park, try flipping it. Go take the kids to the park, Try flipping it. And what if I say I am going to build my to-do list around what I value the most, instead of letting my to-do list run my life? So that could look like is if you were wanting to take your kids to the park, but you have a list of three things that you need to get done you need to go to the post office, you need to pick up the groceries and you need to get your master bathroom cleaned. Okay, those are your three things on your to-do list, but you're like you know what I really want to go to the park.
Ciera:What you could do is you could try and just pre-determine your time and put your values first. So, yes, the things still need to be done, but the park needs to be done first. So maybe you get up maybe 30 minutes earlier than normal because you're going to put in that time to get what you value the most in and you're going to get up 30 minutes early. You're going to clean your bathroom before you get in the shower, then you're going to get in the shower, you're going to go throughout your day, you're going to go to the park and then you can go and run your other two errands, go to the grocery store and go to go to the post office. So you can just adjust things to make sure that you're putting what you value the most. And it might mean you need to wake up a little bit earlier. It might mean you need to sacrifice a little bit of something else to be able to get what you value. Maybe you're mindless scrolling on your phone, like you can put your phone in the bedroom and say I'm not touching my phone today because I catch myself just mindlessly scrolling, and that accumulates to 45 minutes, to an hour that you have just wasted, like whether it's 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there, and you know, and that just adds up, and so then you can break that cycle of if only this, then that, and you can put your values first.
Ciera:So the first thing you need to do is figure out your values. What do you want more of this week? Do you want more peace? Do you want more laughter? Do you want more connection? Number two build your value-based time first. So start your day with 10 minutes of joy before you do something else. So wake up 30 minutes early and maybe spend a couple minutes for yourself doing something, then get something done and then just go in immediately into something that is value-based and something that you are wanting to do. Number three reframe your tasks. So I'm choosing to do this because it supports my bigger goal versus. I have to do this. So I am going to choose to get up 30 minutes early and clean the bathroom so that we can go to the park today and I can take my kids out to do this. So I am going to choose to get up 30 minutes early and clean the bathroom so that we can go to the park today and I can take my kids out to do something fun.
Ciera:Number four is just to declare that it's enough, like let's let a task be good enough for today so that you can move on. Maybe your goal for the day was that you needed to go through your emails. You had dance emails, you had school emails, you had all these emails. As we're getting closer and closer to August, I'm sure you're noticing your inbox is starting to fill up with more and more things for fall registration and soccer sign up and football sign up and all the things. So maybe you just tell yourself you know what? I don't have to get completely through this list this morning. I'm just going to let it be good enough that I got a couple things done, because a couple is better than nothing, and then I'm going to go and I'm going to do something that I value and something that is going to bring some joy and some happiness into my life, and something that is actually going to be worthwhile. Because, yes, the soccer camps and the dance camps and school emails, those are important things and they do need to be done, but your values matter more. So put your values first and just tell yourself that the task can be good enough for today and you can move on and you can come back to it and schedule joy like you would a deadline If you wait for it to happen, naturally it's not going to, because that to-do list is always going to keep coming. That finish line is going to keep moving and moving, and moving and you're never going to be completely done. So have joy along the way. Schedule your joy within your life and don't wait for something to be done to be able to enjoy.
Ciera:If your little two-year-old comes up to you and wants you to read a book, stop what you're doing. Read them the book. Sometimes we can't stop. I get that. Sometimes we do need to finish what we're doing and that is totally okay and I don't want any mom guilt to be coming in. But if it's something that you're you know you're doing, is it really just take a second? Is this really more important than doing something that I value? I value my children, I value my relationship with my children and my connection? So you're going to stop what you're doing. You can take a few minutes and you can read the book and then you can get back to it. I realize this can be so hard to do as a mom because you want to feel like you're managing everything. You don't want to feel like you're behind, but what I have found is when I can actually take those times to take a break and reset and connect and calm my mind, then I feel like such a better mom and I feel so much more confident in so many different areas. And you need to remember that you are allowed to live a full, beautiful, joy-filled life, even if the dishwasher isn't unloaded. It's okay if the dishwasher isn't unloaded. It's okay if the dishwasher isn't unloaded. It's okay if you still have two loads of laundry that you need to get done. It's okay if you're living out of the laundry basket for the week.
Ciera:Last week we lived off of my bedroom floor. You know what? Like it's okay. I got all the laundry cleaned. I dumped it in a pile in my bedroom, meant to all week long. It started on Monday All week long. I meant to all week long started. It started on Monday all week long. I meant to put it away. I would get like maybe five items put away and then I'd get interrupted and so by the time this weekend came, it was still on the floor. But you know what? It's not a big deal. I put it all away today. It's today is Sunday and it's not a big deal. Life went on and we could still have beautiful, joy-filled moments.
Ciera:It goes back to what Lindsay was saying in episode 71, the last episode. What are? I think she called them primary priorities and secondary priorities, I think is how she worded it. So the secondary priorities are the things like laundry and dishes and cleaning your toilet, and you know the things that are not going to be a big deal. So get your basic needs met first and then also make sure that you're getting your values met, because that is so important. We do not want life to just pass us by. Peace isn't waiting at the end of your to-do list. It's available for you right now, in the middle of the mess.
Ciera:A good journal prompt that you could do to reflect on this and to see how you are with this is think about what have I been putting off until later that I could give myself permission to enjoy today. Is there something that your kids have been asking to do? Is there something that your husband has been asking to do? Is there something that you have been wanting to do? Have you been wanting to sign up for a class? Have you been wanting to have a girls night? Have you been wanting to go see a certain movie? Is there something that you've been wanting to do that you've been putting off?
Ciera:So journal this, think about it and then take some time to actually schedule it into your schedule. Make it a priority. Remember your values and share this episode with a friend who you think might need this. Keep showing up, keep choosing joy and stay confidently beautiful. I'll talk to you next week. Thanks for listening. Connect with me on Instagram @confidently beautiful podcast and share this episode with someone in your life who could use a little reminder of just how amazing they already are. Stay confidently beautiful.