The SECRET to THRIVING as a Highly Sensitive Person

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who feels overwhelmed, exhausted, or misunderstood? In this therapeutic deep dive, seasoned psychotherapist, Esther Kane, shares the top secrets to thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person—based on more almost three decades of specializing in HSPs.

You’ll learn:

✨ What it really means to be highly sensitive
✨ How your nervous system works
✨ Why you get overstimulated
✨ How to regulate big emotions
✨ Tools to protect your energy
✨ How to set boundaries without guilt
✨ How to build a sensitivity-friendly lifestyle
✨ The hidden gifts of being an HSP
✨ Real client-style examples that show what thriving truly looks like

Chapters

00:01:39 Understanding the Highly Sensitive Trait
00:04:05 Overstimulation and Energy Management
00:07:34 Emotional Regulation for HSPs
00:10:26 Boundaries and Relationships
00:12:22 Thriving, Not Just Surviving
00:14:31 The Secret Gifts of High Sensitivity

Links

To watch episodes on Esther's YouTube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/@compassionateconversations441

www.estherkane.com

Subscribe to my newsletter to receive either of these for FREE:10 Tips for Getting Rid of Relationships That Drain Your Energy or the 6-part audio program, Making Peace With Food and Our Bodies:

https://www.estherkane.com/#newsletter

Instagram:

@estherkanemsw

Facebook:

Esther Kane, MSW, RCC

Transcript

If you're watching this video, chances are that you've been told at least once in your life that you're too sensitive, too emotional, or that you take things too personally. I know how painful those words can be because as a highly sensitive person myself, I have been told all those things repeatedly throughout my life.

Also, for almost 30 years as a psychotherapist, I've sat across from many highly sensitive people who have carried those messages like heavy backpacks, people who felt different, misunderstood, or even defective, but have also watched those same people blossom once they finally understood their sensitivity, not as a flaw, but as the powerful, beautiful trait it truly is.

And I'll tell you a secret. Working with HSPs is one of the greatest joys of my life. Why? Because I get to teach you how to thrive by understanding and caring for your nervous system. And once you master that, you become unstoppable. So today, I want this to feel like a warm, grounded conversation. Imagine we're sitting in my therapy office together. Soft lamp, cozy blankets.

Gentle quiet, and I'm walking you step by step into a deeper understanding of yourself. You're not alone. You're not too much. You're wired differently. And there is profound wisdom in that wiring. Let's explore it together.

Part one, understanding the highly sensitive trait. The trait is real and it's normal. One of the first things I tell new clients is this: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not too sensitive. You have a normal, innate trait shared by 15 to 20% of the population. Emily, 38, came into my office on a rainy Tuesday, clutching a lukewarm coffee as though it were an emotional support animal. She whispered, I cry almost every day at work. I feel everything. I'm failing. But she wasn't failing. She was processing deeply and thoroughly. She told me about staff meetings where she noticed every raised eyebrow, every sigh, every tension in the room.

Meanwhile, her colleagues seemed unbothered. She thought she was broken.

Once she learned about the HSP trait, she said, You mean there's a name for this? I'm not weak? The relief on her face could have filled the room like sunlight. Let's talk about something called depth of processing. HSPs think deeply about everything. Take Raj, a 46-year-old engineer.

He told me he often gets feedback like, you overthink everything. But overthinking is often just deep thinking without emotional regulation. Once he learned grounding skills, his deep thinking became his professional superpower.

Emotional responsiveness. HSPs feel emotions more intensely, both joy and pain. I had a client, Maria, who said she couldn't watch the news because she'd be emotionally wrecked for days. Once we worked on boundaries and selective media exposure, she felt more empowered, not fragile.

Empathy and intuition. Many of my clients say, I can walk into a room and feel what everyone else is feeling. Meet Chloe, a 29-year-old social worker. Her empathy is off the charts. It makes her amazing at her job, but it also leads to exhaustion. She has learned energetic boundaries. What feelings were hers versus what she was observing.

Part two, overstimulation and energy management. Your nervous system is like a high-resolution camera. It captures everything. Beautiful, but exhausting. Samantha was a new mother with a six-week-old daughter and bags under her eyes that told a longer story. She said, I love her so much, but my body feels like it's vibrating all day.

Her baby's cries weren't just loud, they were piercing. Visitors didn't just drop by, they invaded her nervous system. Laundry wasn't just a chore, it was visual chaos. When she cried in my office, it wasn't about the baby, it was about overstimulation, and no one had told her that it was normal for HSPs. We created a sensory escape plan, and within two weeks, she said, I feel like I got my brain back.

Daily energy budgeting. I teach clients the concept of sensory budget. Some daily activities withdraw energy. Crowds, noise, conflict, bright lights, multitasking, emotional labor, long Zoom meetings.

Some activities deposit energy, quiet nature, reading, meaningful conversation, creative activities, deep rest, solitude, slow mornings.

David, a family physician, told me he felt like he lived three days by 3 p.m. His patients loved him because he remembered everything. Not just their symptoms, but their pets' names, their fears, their stories. But that kind of emotional presence is draining. By the end of the day, he was a shell. When we used a sensory budgeting approach, he stopped blaming himself for burnout. He simply said, No wonder I'm exhausted. I'm giving out empathy like oxygen.

Building transitions into your day. HSPs need transitions, period. One client would leave her fast-paced marketing job at 5:20 p.m., race home, cook dinner, supervise homework, and fall into bed irritated at everyone she loved. She admitted, I go from high speed to home life with zero transition. My body is still in work mode when I walk through the door.

We created a 15-minute car decompression ritual. Lights off, soft music, no talking, and deep breathing. Two weeks later, her teenager said, Mom, why are you nicer now? We both laughed. It wasn't nice. It was regulated.

Creating low sensory zones in your home. Deep rest isn't optional for HSPs, it's medicine. Examples clients have created: a quiet chair with noise-canceling headphones, a dim candlelit bath as a nightly ritual, a no-screens bedroom, a meditation nook, a soft blanket refuge for emotional resets. These aren't luxuries.

They are survival tools for your wiring.

Part three, emotional regulation for HSPs. Why HSPs feel so much. Your brain processes emotions deeply and thoroughly. This isn't about fragility. This is about neurological responsiveness. Let me introduce Lena, who describes her emotional life like a movie screen. Everyone else seems to live in regular definition. I feel like mine is in 4K.

When her partner made a small comment, she felt a big wave, not because she was dramatic, but because her nervous system reacted intensely. We worked on something called the 90-second rule. And one day she said, I finally realized my emotions are waves. They're not tsunamis.

Regulation tools that work for HSPs. One, the 90-second rule. Emotions move through the body in approximately 90 seconds unless we add more thoughts. I teach my clients to breathe, notice, and let the wave pass. Here's an example. Tom used to spiral into panic whenever someone criticized him. Once he learned the 90-second rule, he said, For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of my emotions.

Two, name it to tame it. HSPs often feel five emotions at once. Labeling them reduces overwhelm. Here's an example. Hannah came in saying she felt terrible. After slowing down, she realized that what she was feeling was disappointment, embarrassment, fatigue, and overstimulation.

Once separated, she could deal with each one.

Three, Is this mine? HSPs absorb emotions like sponges. Maria came home from her hospital shifts exhausted, emotionally wrung out, not just tired but heavy, like she was carrying the grief of 20 patients. She told me, I feel everything, whether I want to or not. Once she learned the question, Is this mine? she realized she was absorbing others' emotions like a sponge. After implementing energetic boundaries, she came into session and said, I can finally leave work at work.

Four, nervous system reset techniques. Co-regulating with a safe person, putting your hands in warm water, deep pressure like weighted blankets, five senses grounding, and gentle movement. These are especially powerful for HSPs because your system responds quickly.

Part four, boundaries and relationships. HSPs struggle with boundaries, not because they're weak, but because they're attuned to the emotional impact of their choices. Many clients say things like, I don't want to upset anyone, I hate conflict. I just want everyone to be okay.

Jess grew up in a family where she was praised for being quiet, polite, and helpful. People pleasers aren't born, they're trained. As an adult, she was angry at everyone and herself. She said, I have no idea what I want because my whole life I've only cared about what other people want. We practiced small boundaries, saying no, expressing preferences, asking for help.

She returned one day with tears in her eyes. I said no to hosting Christmas. I was shaking, but afterwards I felt free.

Setting boundaries without guilt. Leo, an artist, used to say yes to every project. We practiced saying, Thank you for thinking of me, I'm not able to take this on right now. This sentence changed his life.

HSPs in relationships. If you want to learn more about HSPs and relationships, watch this video. HSPs love deeply, feel deeply, and often do more emotional labor. One married client with two teens told me, If someone in my house is upset, I absorb it instantly. It changes my whole day.

HSPs often think that this is love. It's actually over-functioning. We worked on differentiating, letting others feel their feelings. She later said, Before, my family lived inside me, now they live beside me. Huge difference.

Part five, thriving, not just surviving. This is my favorite part of working with HSPs, helping them build a life that matches their wiring. Designing a sensitivity-friendly lifestyle. Examples from clients who transformed their lives.

Nina, a lawyer, was brilliant but miserable. She said, The constant pressure, it feels like someone has a hand on my chest. We explored values and nervous system needs. She shifted to part-time law and part-time advocacy work. Within months, she glowed differently. She said, I didn't know life could feel like this.

Aubrey moved from a quiet coastal town to a bustling city for her partner's job. Within a year, she had panic attacks, migraines, and insomnia. She whispered in session, I feel like I've lost that connection with the part of me who is calm, grounded, and feels at home in my body. We explored whether city life fit her sensitivity. She eventually moved back to a smaller town.

Her symptoms disappeared. She said, My nervous system finally exhaled.

Finding purpose. HSPs thrive when doing meaningful work. Meaning is fuel. One client had a high paying job but felt empty. She said, I'm successful on the outside but dying on the inside. HSPs crave meaning. After exploring purpose, she trained in trauma-informed yoga. Her joy was palpable.

She told me, I feel like I'm finally living in alignment.

Honoring your natural rhythms. HSPs do best with slow mornings, built-in rest, predictable routines, creative outlets, nature time, emotional authenticity, spiritual practice in any form. Clients report life-changing results when they stop forcing themselves to keep up with non-HSPs and instead honor their natural pace.

Part six, the secret gifts of high sensitivity. Many HSPs don't realize they have gifts most people don't.

Here are those gifts: deep empathy, powerful intuition, emotional intelligence, creativity, insightful problem solving, capacity for deep joy and awe, a strong moral and ethical compass, and the ability to notice subtleties.

One client, Maya, a photographer, told me, I see beauty where others see nothing. That's the HSP gift.

In closing, I hope this deep dive helped you see your sensitivity not as something to fix, but as something to honor, cherish, and celebrate. You were built this way for a reason. Your sensitivity is your strength. If you found this valuable, please like this video, subscribe, and share it with the HSPs in your life. And remember, you don't need to toughen up. You need to soften into who you truly are.

Thank you for spending this time with me. Take good care of your sensitive soul.