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gwunspoken
We know that now more than ever, there is a growing disconnection between parents and their teens, corporates and their employees, and human interactions in general.
This can cause stress, frustration and many arguments within families and the work environment.
gwunspoken looks at the challenges people of all ages have in their relationships with one another and provides experience and advice, allowing all parties to have a voice.... and feel heard.
Join us to hear corporates, parents, educators, teens and the latest advice of how we can in fact live the life we love, in making authentic interactions, because we know... authentic connection is everything.
gwunspoken
Resilience Through Vulnerability: Vishara's Inspiring Journey of Healing and Growth
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Reuniting with Vishara, our first-ever guest, brought back memories and a powerful story of resilience and growth. Imagine meeting someone after two decades and discovering they've faced life's most formidable challenges head-on. Vishara bravely shares his journey through the stormy seas of depression and the shadows of old wounds, reminding us of the profound strength found in vulnerability and healing. His story offers hope and insights into the power of understanding past triggers and the impact of manipulation on well-being.
As we navigate the layers of Vishara's story, we delve into the struggle of overcoming childhood trauma and its lingering echoes in adulthood. Through candid and heartfelt discussion, we uncover the heavy toll of verbal and physical abuse on self-worth. Our conversation sheds light on the relentless battle against negative self-talk and the pursuit of innovative treatments like repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS). Vishara's experience underscores the critical role of community support and the journey towards a balanced mental state, akin to maintaining physical fitness.
Join us as we explore the essence of personal growth and the transformative power of support systems, from understanding the importance of a father's role to the camaraderie found in groups like the Men Brotherhood. Through laughter and introspection, we touch on the significance of genuine relationships and self-acceptance. With anecdotes and hypothetical scenarios, we celebrate resilience, the humour in adversity, and the importance of reaching out during tough times. Vishara's story is a testament to the strength of the human spirit, inviting listeners to find camaraderie and healing in shared experiences.
www.in8code.com
Welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken, where we discuss stuff we don't typically talk about but probably should. And wow, we've got a blast from the past here. A guy the first man, the first person ever interviewed on GWDomainspoken is back. It's Vishara. How are you, mate?
Speaker 2Good mate Yourself. How has it been? It's been about 16 months, I think. Yeah, unbelievable. A year and a half. A year and a half, yeah.
Speaker 1It's just crazy. I mean like, let's go back a bit again, Like for the people who haven't heard this before, the story is working in Cloncurry. You go you go.
Speaker 2Yeah. So the story is Gary Hero back in the day I used to call him Mr Woodford, was my grade 7 maths and sports teacher in a very small country town called Cloncurry, a population of about 2,000. And I left Cloncurry, probably in grades yeah, actually grade 8 or 9, I think and 20 years something like 20 years later I just ran into Gary 20 years later in North Lakes Shopping Centre and he just you, he just stood out so I was like I didn't know his first name so I had to yell out Mr Woodford. So yeah, it was quite amazing and Gary's always sort of stood out in my mind as a pretty awesome teacher.
Speaker 2So yeah, very memorable and here we are, like so many years later.
Speaker 1I'd say 23, 24 years later just doing a podcast with you.
Speaker 2It's pretty insane.
Speaker 1I'm glad you've reached out because I remember just because I think back then it was a 7-8 combined class and it was my first ever teaching gig and I was doing. I got tired of doing maths because for some reason they said I thought I was a maths teacher and I had no idea. You're probably smarter than me in that room, right then.
Speaker 2You're pretty clever.
Speaker 1Still are pretty clever. But there then suddenly you just yell it out and then I think we swapped numbers and then you came over at the time then with your partner and just about to have your first baby, and you came over for dinner and I think two or three days later we were one of the first ones to see you.
Speaker 2See the little one? Yeah, I think so. Aria was born probably about a month, two months or something like that, after we met maybe or even sooner, sooner than that it was sooner.
Speaker 1Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, maybe it was yeah.
Speaker 1I thought it was only a few days because we thought she's going to have a baby on our couch here. She's so close?
Speaker 2No, because, like the first time we met, she was probably about seven months pregnant.
Speaker 1And then the second time we did the dinner. Oh, that was the time. Yeah, right, okay, that was it.
Speaker 2Yeah, it must have been a few days after that day no-transcript.
Speaker 1What 1,800 k's away? Or 18-hour driveway, something the same.
Speaker 2Like what, 1,400 kilometers away?
Speaker 1I think Longcurry is yeah.
Speaker 2And after so long too.
Speaker 1Yeah, and.
Speaker 2I think I remember telling you I did ages ago, when I was probably still in uni, did a little Facebook stalk to try and find you. But, I couldn't find you. And then, yeah, there you go, like all of a sudden in North Lakes. Yeah, no social media.
Speaker 1For me, hold on, it was so good, and then catching up because you know, and then for me like you'd been like 11 or 12 back then. Yeah, I think you were 31 or something. I met you or something like that.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, I would have been 31,.
Speaker 1Yeah, so 19 years later. Yeah, yeah, and you're a young strapping fit man and I've got to get the wheelchair out.
Speaker 2So it feels awesome, mate, things have changed.
Speaker 1Now, mate, last time you were on the podcast let's get into it last and I appreciate you being here. I'm in the library today at North Lakes and it's unreal. It's all set up here. So thanks for coming out. Last time we chatted, I know you were probably in a bit of a dark, dark space and I hope you're okay to speak about this and you could tell in your voice some of your voice was really quivering, I thought at the start it, but it was sort of you know, throughout the podcast you could actually feel. You could feel you're struggling a bit and you're in a bit of a dark space. And you rang me the next day saying look, I'm really glad I got that off my chest. I feel a lot better. But then you've been through a bit. So you know, open slather, go through the journey. How were you feeling on that podcast? Where are you from then to now?
Speaker 2And I'll probe some questions for you, if that's right throughout. Absolutely, just go through a bit of your journey from there, if that's okay. Yeah, no, look, reflecting back to that La Post podcast, around that time of that year, definitely in one of the lowest, probably most lowest points of my life. For that period, I think I was in a very dark place, and when I say dark I mean like, yeah, it was a struggle to get through every day basically.
Speaker 1I want to dig deeper on you there. So I'm pretty sure you were telling me you were working at H&Chilla at the time. No, except before that.
Speaker 2I was before that. I have gone through cycles of depression and diagnosed incorrectly as well. But, yeah, that particular time my relationship wasn't going that great. There was a lot of triggers in that relationship as well, triggers that were completely linked to my past, my childhood really, and those were constantly getting triggered.
Speaker 2And the thing is, my ex knew about those triggers and she had this power of manipulation nearly to be able to use that to bring that out of me and like, use that as a weapon nearly. And so, yeah, I was in a very, very dark place where it was every single day my mind's telling me, like the world's better off without you, like I'm wishing I wasn't here and everything like that. And since then I've been able to one, get on the right meds, two, like, really go on a self-healing journey, since I separated from my partner, and the more time that passes, the more I can reflect back to that time and think how toxic it was as well, and seeing how like it's not like, even if I look at photos of me back then, I can see that I look different, like it's because….
Speaker 1You're carrying an emotional burden.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm carrying such a massive emotional burden and if you think about it, your feelings, everything is just vibrations. Right, a human body is made out of 70% to 80% water. Right, a human body is made out of 70 to 80 percent water, so water itself can hold if you put water on a speaker and turn. Turn it to a certain vibration, that water will start acting like movement, yeah, movement the way form of that, um, ripples of water.
Speaker 2so when you're in such a bad state, all that vibration energy your body is just like your body is making it into it, basically so that shows up on your outside as well.
Speaker 1You're holding all that tension. Yeah, you're holding all the tension.
Speaker 2You're holding the stress, it ages you. There's so much to it. And so, since separation look, I won't lie, I went down pretty, pretty badly last year especially, and April was probably the worst point, the hardest point. And yeah, I did.
Speaker 1Were you suicidal back then? I did. Were you thinking about taking a life?
Speaker 2I attempted yeah.
Speaker 1You did.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I ended up in ICU for three nights in the mental health ward.
Speaker 1Did you check yourself in then or how that worked?
Speaker 2No, so what happened was what I decided. Like this was planned too, I planned all this for so long and you are a planning person.
Speaker 1I'm sorry to cut you off, but you are someone who's very melancholy, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2Very planned, very thought out. So the plan was I was going to take 100% pure caffeine powder, and the reason I wanted to do that is it's different, it's not like a crazy drug or anything like that the whole purpose was to induce a cardiac arrest, basically, and give myself a heart attack.
Speaker 2So I drive up to the sunny coast on I think was april the 5th, um, and took that, texted my best friend um, said goodbye to her and I messaged Sasha as well and just said goodbye and I've left a key to the house to feed the dogs and all that. And my best friend, she managed to call the cops At this point. I had already switched my phone off and they traced my phone off and they traced my phone and just by luck, when they managed to trace my phone driving around.
Speaker 2they just saw a flash of red when they were driving around and the flash of red was my Mustang parked in the information center up in the sunny coast in the Glasshouse Mountains. And yeah, I think probably about.
Speaker 2I think it was maybe 6.30, 7 pm when I was starting to like yeah like you'd think that much caffeine I had about the equivalent of 900 energy drinks 990 energy drinks and my heart rate was through the roof, sweating like drenched in sweat, and you think, having that much energy drinks, you'd be just totally like buzzing, but no my body was shutting down. Cramps are getting bad and, like I, couldn't even move like totally just out of it and anyway the cops found me and, yeah, got into the ambulance and got taken into hospital. So what minutes hours really? Yeah yeah, and if I didn't send that text, I probably wouldn't have been found.
Speaker 1No.
Speaker 2That was going to be the whole plan anyway. I didn't want to be found. That's why I turned my phone off. I didn't think about they'd be able to trace it as well as they did. Um, to be honest, um, but I nearly see that nearly as a rebirth now, because ever since then I've been able to get on the meds properly, like proper medicine.
Speaker 1Um and really understand myself a lot better.
Speaker 2And when I say that I mean with depression. There's two sides to it. There's the chemical imbalance that is affected in your brain and then there's also the environmental side of it as well, and sometimes it can be a combination of both or just one the chemical imbalance that's actually quite rare. Side of it as well, and sometimes it can be a combination of both or just one. The chemical imbalance that's actually quite rare.
Speaker 2a lot of people are mainly environmentally affected by childhood trauma or whatever's going on in their point in time in their life and you can talk about it and work through those issues, but when there's a chemical imbalance it's so much harder to do that. Because, yeah, now that I think back to my the way my mind was thinking back then, saying your kids are going to be so much better off without you. Look at this friend, he's going to be so. She's going to be so much better without you. This person going to be so much better without you.
Speaker 2I think one of the lines I even wrote in my suicide note was I'm sorry for being like the chewing gum at the bottom of your feet. So that's how I saw myself and that's what I thought other people thought of me.
Speaker 1We had a guy named JJ on the show not long ago too, and he was massive into alcohol to alcohol and he was going. He'd planned to have a suicide as well. And the reason why I've jumped in and said this little story is because he said the same words. He felt like he was a burden on anyone. He kept saying that I'm a burden on my wife. She'd be better off without me. The same words he used I've got goosebumps. The same words he used is what you used.
Speaker 2So that must be a common thing in depression it is, yeah, exactly, and that's and that's a key um example of how is the chemical imbalance because that's your dopamine, that's your um, all this stuff just not working in your mind properly and for some reason, like the way we're coded, that's how certain that certain chemical makes you feel. It's that burden, burden, what other?
Speaker 1feelings were you having at that time? Was it different each day that certain chemical makes you feel it's that burden. What other feelings were you having at that time? Was it different each day? Did you wake up with it? Was there certain parts of the day that was worse than others? Were you angry? Were you frustrated? Were you happy? Were there times of really happy and then down to sad?
Healing From Childhood Triggers
Speaker 2Well, it was so. It's like color had been sucked out of life, basically that's probably the best way to describe everything's just dull, nothing to look forward to and even if I like try combat it with, oh well, I got this coming up and that coming up and it's like oh that's only going to be a temporary relief, or what's that going to do?
Speaker 1your brain would tell you that yeah that's what my brain would tell me.
Speaker 2Yeah, so, and then it'll be back into like every single day, kind of wishing something would happen that will take my life away. Every single day, like every moment to like, go to sleep, and you can imagine that having that constant battle and struggle in your mind makes you so tired as well, because you are putting in so much energy and on top of that I was still going to gym and I was still functioning and like looking after the kids and all that.
Speaker 1Still going to work, still going to work, and so it was just yeah, so that. Were those areas suffering? You look back now. Were they suffering? They weren't Never suffered.
Speaker 2No, Nothing ever suffered, yeah. Because, like I just I held it on. I think, um, I never, you know, I never resorted to drugs or alcohol or anything like that. I just, yeah, just got up and kept going through life and um, but after the separation and everything, um, you know, like living by myself I think there was probably more time in my own head and other aspects of environmental issues was also affecting me at the time as well.
Speaker 2And, yeah, I guess it just all became too much because I just saw no way of getting better. And that's another thing that your mind keeps telling you. There's no way of treating yourself, you're not going to get better.
Speaker 1So you wake up, you know you're going to be in a bad space. And even when you do get, say, an endorphin rush from gym because you make yourself go there, you're feeling good, but even at that time your brain's going oh, this ain't temporary, you're not going to feel like crap or you're going to feel like shit soon, 100%, I mean, I'll be in the gym.
Speaker 2I feel terrible while I'm doing my exercises. I'll like do my you know, lap pull down. I'll be doing lap pull downs and then I'll put weight away and then I'm just in this terrible dark place, like while I'm sitting there going God, I hate this. This is shit. Why am I here?
Speaker 1Yeah, so can I go back and ask, and if you don't want to, it's all good too, but is there? Are you happy to open up about some of your triggers?
Speaker 1Yeah, absolutely Growing up Like I know we touched a little bit on it the first time, but do you think there's things that led to the chemical imbalance? Like, is there triggers that you said that you know your partner at the time was openly hitting you with what were some of them from your childhood that you think you brought through into adult life that you couldn't shake or affected you? The?
Speaker 2biggest one the main key one is not good enough.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2So that stems from my dad, the way he used to treat me, and probably my mum as well, and that childhood single trigger of you're not good enough, like carried rippled its way through basically everything in life for me. And this is the thing. Sasha, my ex, she knew that and she used that so damn well as well. So throughout that relationship those triggers are constantly there, so that environmental impact of it is just constantly enhanced as well as the chemical as well.
Speaker 1So did that stem from? I think back then you were saying how was it dad expected to get 100% for?
Speaker 2everything.
Speaker 1No, getting the weekend to get everything right.
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean like there was like times where I wasn't allowed. Like he's like oh, you're not allowed to have fun. Like what's fun? Like you're in, you know grade 7 now.
Speaker 1Like you're going into grade 8.
Speaker 2How dare you think about even having fun? Like no, get in there do this, do that, like there's no, like it's creativity got basically squeezed out of me as well you know, like there's no almost robotic you go to study, you get 100% and I mean I got.
Speaker 1I remember getting a B plus for maths once oh, you had a good teacher and I mean I got. I remember getting a B plus for maths once.
Speaker 2Oh, you had a good teacher, I mean that's worth an A triple plus. That was in grade 10.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2Yeah, in Brisbane. Yeah, b plus, and that was probably the first time I've ever got anything lower than an.
Speaker 1A in maths.
Speaker 2Yeah, and God, my dad was livid about it.
Speaker 1Was he?
Speaker 2Yeah, he was livid about it and I just remember thinking I can even put myself into that situation now that time ago. Any other parent would be pretty happy. That's a pretty good grade.
Speaker 1But yeah no, so there's that trigger. It was mainly verbal abuse towards you. Oh no, so there's that trigger. It was mainly verbal abuse towards you. Oh no, that's physical as well.
Speaker 2yeah it was Physical and verbal. I think the thing about verbal is verbal stays with you, whereas a physical kind of it does stay with you, but the verbal just hits harder for some reason, just starts telling your thoughts of who you are.
Speaker 1Yeah, and there's belief systems. Come through, yeah, yeah, yeah, and know those belief systems come through, yeah, yeah, yeah, because that's what being around, so that's constantly been around.
Speaker 2But ever since this yeah, the separation I've just been on such a journey of like, trying to help myself heal myself, put myself first understand the difference between the chemical and the environmental imbalance looking to.
Speaker 2I'm actually starting a new treatment called rtms, which is like magnetic treatment on um on your head. Basically, there's like a put a magnetic coil on your head and it passes an electric current through it and just zaps your head Like do that every single day for 40 minutes at the Pioneer Rivers Hospital, get that done and it's working pretty well. And also just being on proper chemicals, proper meds as well and a fitness like significantly the fittest I've ever been in my life as well, so really turned my life around to a point where I am quite pretty happy with who I am where I'm at.
Speaker 2Are you good enough now?
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, I reckon so. Yeah, you know your self-source. Yeah, yeah.
Navigating Recovery and Self-Improvement
Speaker 2Yeah, your self-thoughts? Yeah, definitely, and so I don't have those insane self-thoughts that I used to have anymore, and that's just a clear indication of how crazy the chemical imbalance is. And a few months ago, maybe three months ago, I actually sort of started tapering off one of my pills.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And I was thinking oh you know I feel good. I don't think I need these anymore, so I tapered off them and the half-life of this particular drug is about two weeks, so it's a massive half-life and I was thinking oh, you know like. I'm not going to go on these because I've come off them and then boom about two weeks later, two and a half weeks later, yep falling back down.
Speaker 1There's that kind of imbalance coming back in again.
Speaker 2So it just goes to show how important it is to be treated properly and to get the help. And if there's people out there that are struggling and thinking at this present moment in time there is no help. There's no way out. Those are exactly the same things that I thought about. There is you just got to get the right help for it.
Speaker 1So where does it start? So I know you talked about some of the things that are helping you. Now let's go back to this, if that's okay. Back to the hospital bed and the police found you ambulance. You've gone in there, obviously pumped your stomach or neutralised the caffeine in your body to get you right. Did the recovery journey start then? Were you pissed off that you survived, or were you actually?
Speaker 2relieved. How did it go from there?
Speaker 1recovery journey start then. Were you pissed off that you survived or were you actually relieved, like how did it go from there? Take me from the spot where you're admitted to hospital and suddenly you're conscious again or you're physically getting helped to the support mechanisms to get to where you are now.
Speaker 2So I'll take you back to that day of actually taking the caffeine. So I'll take you back to that day of actually taking the caffeine sitting in my car alone and I remember thinking to myself that I need to keep my mind in a calm, try to keep myself in a calm place. So wherever this takes me out from the physical realm, I want to be in a calm place kind of thing.
Speaker 2So I thought if I keep my energy in a bad place, it's going to take me to a bad place. So that's, and I was in so like I think sad I guess in those moments just sitting in that car, feeling quite alone, feeling like no one gave a shit, no one cares like this is for everyone else's benefit.
Speaker 1I am doing this for everyone else.
Speaker 2So everyone else is feeling better, but yeah. So I remember the very next day because I was laying in the hospital bed that night and, for the first time in quite a long time actually, I started to cry because I was like this is shit, Like I can't even kill myself, right you know. And I was like crying, then emergency ED and yeah, and then as soon as the nurses come in, and then I stop because again that's gone. I'm showing weakness if I'm crying Even in that, like super, and then I just go into yeah, trying to make sure that I don't look weak in front of the doctors and nurses.
Speaker 1Comes back to. Are you enough? Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah.
Speaker 2So, and yeah, I'm thinking to myself well, this is you're such an embarrassment. You can't kill yourself. How are you going to face the people now? Like you know, like you failed really. I failed, I failed at trying to kill myself. That's what I felt like you failed really, I failed at trying to kill myself. That's what I felt like. And yeah, the next day I messaged my friend and I said yeah, sorry for being an inconvenience, but I'm okay now. Yeah, I'm here and all I could think about had been how embarrassed I felt for not being able to be successful at it.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. And then after that obviously went into the mental health ward. And going into the mental health ward I was kind of afraid at the start, didn't know what to expect, and I had to go under An actual order, like a they make you go, you don't have an option, you have to go. Yeah, it's a restraint.
Speaker 1Or something like that.
Speaker 2Anyway, and I was thinking, oh god, what kind of crazies Am I going to see there? Yeah, but it was, it was really good, it was Actually quite helpful. I got a chance to Just Chill. Yeah, but it was really good, it was actually quite helpful, I got a chance to just chill, yeah. And actually first thing I did on the Sunday, after the very next day, after attempting, was oh no, like my boss is coming in on Monday because he was coming in from Perth, and now I'm alive and I need to see him on Monday now.
Speaker 2So I had to call him up and tell him and my mind's going oh, my boss is going to fire me for this. Again chemical imbalance. And boss was so understanding and he just said don't even worry about it Like please pick yourself up, like, get yourself better.
Speaker 2We're all thinking of you. You're like family to us, so good. So yeah, even in my mental health ward I was sitting there. I was just sending up emails and my boss emails me and goes vish, stay up your emails, I'm locking you out oh yeah, yeah, I want you to get better like rest um, and when you're out of the hospital, I want you to take a couple weeks off and just rest as well and just come back when you're ready.
Speaker 1There's don't worry about the job it's going to be here for you when you get back.
Speaker 2But you're not going anywhere. We're all here for you and that was, that was a great. And in there, that's when they started adjusting my meds. Yeah, so started doing that and yeah, I remember the first night after I got back home, I could not sleep at all because my head, like it just felt, like these thoughts are just constantly coming in and I'll dismiss it and I'll just come back. I'll dismiss it and I'll come back. I'll dismiss it and I could not, freaking shut it up for the life of me because I couldn't sleep.
Speaker 2But one of my friends. He gave me this great idea of get a whiteboard, write that thought down and then write your dismiss statement down. All right, cool, I did that and it's just like the next day fell asleep after doing it because it's like it just flew out of my head onto paper and it's gone.
Speaker 1Yeah, wow.
Speaker 2And I ticked it off like and yeah, fell asleep, it was great. But yeah, the very next day Sasha had to go into hospital. So she dropped the kids off with me and I took them out to Bounce.
Speaker 1World.
Speaker 2I was, at this point, brand newly on Meds, just got out of hospital, had these terrible shakes because it was body adjusting to all these different chemicals and I couldn't even put Athena's shoes on, which is my youngest. I couldn't put her shoes on, I was shaking so much. And this mum comes up and goes. Do you need help? I'm like, yes, please, that would be great.
Speaker 2And yeah, she helped me put Athena's shoes on, so I was still in a bad spot then. But then after the whole chemical imbalance started lifting, things started to get better, like getting really good in the gym. Work was going good again. Yeah things just yeah, like see my psychologist and really spending the time to improve myself.
Speaker 1And I think of all the tools you're using at the moment, mate, but I wonder how many? Stereotypically probably still the same a lot of men struggle to do that? Oh, absolutely yeah To you know, face your fears and, like you may have to go to the mental health ward, go and see a psychologist, go on drugs to fix up the imbalance you're talking about, and now trying a different, like a magnetic shock therapy, reaching out to friends. Now this is coming from a guy who, less than five minutes ago said it wasn't enough.
Speaker 1But you're now reaching out to people Exactly Doing exactly the opposite to what your brain is telling you, and you're seeing the other side and it seems to be working.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, big time, big time. And I think coming out of the marriage and bad relationship was really good too, because that took away the bad environment completely took that away. So now that I'm just fighting with the chemical imbalance, it's a bit easier.
Speaker 1And how's the environment now? Good, really good yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm quite happy you know back something that came up with my ex. Sasha was, like always, trying to nearly always tell me that I'm a bad dad and I'm not. I'm actually a great dad and everyone sees that. Everyone else can see it, but the person that was supposed to be closest to me was giving me shit about it, saying that I wasn't good. So again there's that trigger. I'm not seeing her say it. I'm saying basically in my mind I'm seeing my dad tell me I'm not good enough.
Speaker 1Yeah, when that happens, that's what you're hearing, yeah, that's what I'm hearing. So it's not necessarily even it's her word.
Speaker 2It's probably that backstory, that reinforcement of that yeah, and I worked on uh, worked on that very um specific thing with my psychologist to try help that as well yeah, and that's that's worked yeah, great so that was to write down I am good enough. On paper 70 times. So you write I am good enough. And then whatever comes to your mind straight after it, you write that down.
Speaker 2And then you write again I'm good enough, and then, whatever comes to your mind, you write it, and you do it 70 times for seven days straight, and it's just about rewiring, reprogramming your brain, neuroscience. Yeah.
Speaker 1It's all in the brain, isn't it? It is, yeah, it's all in the mind.
Speaker 2It's what the ticket is. Brain's in a very interesting place and the crazy thing is your brain's got everything there to help you actually have a good life, have a good time. It's got all the dopamine, serotonin, it's all there, it's there. But it doesn't want to give it to you. You got to work for it, that's right yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's awesome, mate, and I love some of those strategies you just said, because I know we're closely with kids at school and adults at school, and even our own kids can try those strategies out as well. I've actually just enrolled in a course myself doing neuroscience and well-being, so my switch notes around to yeah, oh yeah, yeah, it's awesome and you are great. Dad, I saw you down the park like less than a week ago now and we're down with the turtles and, yeah, feeding the lizards. This is name was rainbow rain boss.
Speaker 2Yeah, very floss rainbow unicorn yeah, I already named that.
Navigating Personal Growth and Recovery
Speaker 1Think it was unicorn man too. So, yeah, I already named that one. It was very cute. It was great to see those girls, mate, and how you interact with them.
Speaker 2Yeah fantastic it's been. It's been quite a good journey and like it's good to like finally realise that, yeah, they need me in their life yeah, they do.
Speaker 1Young girls need their dads yeah and um.
Speaker 2Without me they won't, yeah, they just won't get that development phase that they get from me.
Speaker 1So yeah, yeah so what success look for you now, mate. We move forward now and I'm still presuming you still have some tough days. It's never always anybody straight. Definitely what success look for you in the next couple of years. So we're looking at 2027.
Speaker 2Where would you like to be at? I think I'd still. Obviously now the thing with mental illness or anything like that. It is like going to the gym and working on yourself every single day. You, the gym and working on yourself every single day. You've got to work on yourself every single day.
Speaker 1You let yourself slide.
Speaker 2That's when it comes back so it's to constantly be working on myself and hopefully eventually start tapering off some of the meds as well, if I can get good enough. That's sort of my future plan. But I'm not in any rush to do that. I mean, there's no evidence to say that it's impacting my health in a bad way or anything like that. So, and also, I've joined this brotherhood group called the Men Brotherhood, and it's all about it's a group of men come together to help one another out.
Speaker 1Right, who got you into that one? Where did you find that? On the net.
Speaker 2I actually ran into an old PT from my old gym from about five years ago. Recently, maybe about three, four weeks ago, I ran into him at the new gym that I go to and he told me and I'm like oh, chris, I haven't seen you in ages.
Speaker 2And he's like oh how are you going, man? How have you been? And I told him quickly oh man, I've lost this game since the last year. You know like going through a separation and this and that. And then he's like, oh man, that would have been rough. I'm like, yeah, I had a pretty rough year I had a rough year and he's like let me introduce you to this space and that space is amazing. So every Monday we do a check-in post, a live check-in post. And if anyone's struggling, people reach out and every.
Speaker 2Wednesday we do a group call where we like go through various issues. So my last call just yesterday was about childhood triggers and childhood trauma and the, the guys you know. You get a list of questions and we like a few of the guys share and you talk about it and then you just realise it's not just you that's got these problems. And like they're not good enough. That is such a common thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, there you go, With men in particular, yeah.
Speaker 2Because if you look at the suicide rates as well, I think it's 8 out of 10 or 9 out of 10 suicides are men.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Because we don't talk about it.
Speaker 1No, and I think I know it's to do with the hormones and the testosterone. I forget someone to talk about this. But I think too that when men I think men are more successful at doing it, I think still a lot of women attempt, but a lot of men are successful at it, yeah. They make a point, that's it.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1So, yeah, mate, holy hell. So you've gone through a journey. You've gone through a journey, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, but you're smiling here and you're in a good spot now.
Speaker 2Yeah, definitely went through a journey. It was probably the most biggest journey of growth.
Speaker 1I've ever had in my life.
Speaker 2Okay, yeah, and that's why I like to call that event that I had back in April like a rebirth nearly yeah, yeah it was just a chance to start again nearly.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And I don't think there's too many people out there that can say they've taken the equivalent of 900 energy 990 energy drinks to survive. To tell the tale.
Speaker 1No, that's right, yeah, so when's the book coming out, mate?
Speaker 2Well, the crazy thing is, even the Ambo is like the Ambo is like going. They didn't know how to treat me because they've never heard of it before. Yeah, and they didn't know how to treat me, because they'd never heard of it before. Like we're putting this into their poison database thing and it wasn't coming up with how to fix me.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Like yeah, this never happened before and I knew that too back then. That was how I planned it. I was like I knew it.
Speaker 1I knew no one would have ever thought of this.
Speaker 2Wow, yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 1You could have taken on David Goggins mate.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1I probably could have 100 mile run. See you, Dave.
Speaker 2See you, you think you're so good?
Speaker 1Yeah, I mean you can have a joke about it now, but yeah, it must have been tough on you. Oh yeah, it must have been tough smiling and you got you know other things happening in the background, which is good. Besides work, some things to look forward to.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, I'm sort of seeing started dating this lovely girl and, yeah, she's a mate. She's been pretty cool, Like it's been really nice to meet her as well, and just also forming true connections with people that are closer to you. I think the older you get. When I was younger I used to be so meeting people and just going out and just like a social butterfly, but now I just want to keep my circle small my close network, you know like and just yeah, love the people that deserve to be loved and need to be in my life.
Speaker 1yeah, Can I ask you how's your relationship with your parents now?
Speaker 2Look, it's still pretty hard, and I think I don't know if I can ever get to a good place with my parents. There's just been too much damage there. I think, there's and I probably still need to work on a couple of those memories that get triggered, even involving my mum as well. So people think, oh, it happened.
Speaker 1So long ago. Mate, Just forgive him and forget.
Speaker 2You can't Just like if you were building a house and you got a couple of cracks in your foundation, like your house is going to stumble at some point. So you just can't.
Speaker 1Yeah, unless you go back and fix it up.
Speaker 2Yeah, unless you go back and fix it up yeah, so, yeah, so, yeah.
Speaker 1Well, it's interesting, mate. Well, I want to thank you for sharing your story. It's always great to have you on. Let's make sure it's not 16 months again until you come back on, but it's okay. I want to finish off with a few fun stuff.
Speaker 2If that's all right.
Favorite Things and Hypothetical Scenarios
Speaker 1Yeah, of course, mate greatest this last time we talked about so I'm going to give you. You're pretty cluey, so you'll probably nail these, but I'll do them really quickly here. We're going to call this segment quick questions and I'm going to ask for your favourite. I'll give you a favourite, for example anything, and you're going to say your answers within two seconds. Okay, the clock's on. Ready your favourite exercise in the gym.
Speaker 2That pull down.
Speaker 1What's your favourite excuse? You've heard not to exercise Too busy. Do you have a favourite movie?
Speaker 2Yes, I would have to say oh that's a tricky one. There's a fair few Favourite movie. Maybe Never Back Down.
Speaker 1Okay, yep Favorite drink.
Speaker 2A protein smoothie.
Speaker 1What flavor Chocolate it's got to be chocolate.
Speaker 2Everyone loves chocolate, favorite food.
Speaker 1Favorite food Chocolate. Okay, it's got to be chocolate. Everyone loves chocolate.
Speaker 2Favorite food. Favorite food that's a difficult one as well. Probably my red Thai curry.
Speaker 1Nice.
Speaker 2Do you have a favorite song or song type? Look, music's a funny one for me because I don't really get in. I mean, have any favourites with it. I don't really connect that insanely crazy music, I don't know why.
Speaker 1Okay, there's no go-to. No, you jump in a Mustang. There's no song, you go.
Speaker 2Actually probably recently, miles Smith.
Speaker 1One of Miles Smith's songs. I can't even remember what it is, but it's really good, did you want?
Speaker 2to sing it no.
Speaker 1No one's going to say yes, yet You'll lose all your listeners. Do you have a favorite animal?
Speaker 2Yeah, I would have to say tiger.
Speaker 1Okay. Do you have a favorite quote or saying yeah, actually, yeah.
Speaker 2I think something that kind of hits hard for me is you have to remember that it's okay to be not okay, Yep nice.
Speaker 1Favorite leisure time activity? Probably gym, okay. Favorite TV show.
Speaker 2TV show. Tv show Cobra Kai Okay.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, the old Karate Kid.
Speaker 2Nice.
Speaker 1A favourite holiday destination you've been to or would like to go to?
Speaker 2Like to go to Greece. Been to Rome.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2Do you have a favourite sport? Probably go with cricket, I guess.
Speaker 1Okay, here we go. You'll love this one. What's your favourite vehicle type?
Speaker 2V8s, usually Lamborghini definitely.
Speaker 1Lamborghini.
Speaker 2V10.
Speaker 1I told my wife I'm going to get a Torano. She just laughed at me. I'm not going in that car it's too small. Okay, alright word associations. Here we go. Next group. I'm going to give you a word or group of words and you have to say one word response. Alright, that's relative to these words. Okay, fast cars, mustang, early morning starts, productive Excuses, weak, nice, free weights, strength Coffee.
Speaker 2Strong.
Speaker 1Protein powder Muscle Recovery Important Doing this podcast Great. Protein powder Muscle Recovery Important Doing this podcast Great Sleep.
Speaker 2Important. You told you no, Lise.
Speaker 1Can't even stump you, damn it.
Speaker 2I mean good work Okay.
Speaker 1Alright, we're nearly done. Here's a couple of hypotheticals. Vicious down to his last 20 bucks. What's he buying?
Speaker 2Last 20?.
Speaker 1You should see the stress going across his face. That's gone up by $10 since the last time we spoke, so that's pretty good A little inflation Last 20.
Speaker 2I think we'll see. I remember what I said the last time, so I won't say that again.
Speaker 1What did you say last time?
Speaker 2I said I'll buy some seeds. Yes, for horticulture.
Speaker 1Right, so there's 20 now.
Speaker 2Two lots of seeds.
Speaker 1I'll get extra seeds. You say caffeine. I'm going to beat you to a hospital.
Speaker 2Last 20 bucks, I'll probably get myself a protein shake to be honest, nice, a bit of recovery nice.
Speaker 1I had Ian Webster on once not long ago too, last couple of months, and he was he goes. Oh, it's easy, mate, I'll just make more money, and I said I'll go to track or something. He goes no. I'll just go buy a heap of cokes from the shops and sell them for one. For one sell them or something is.
Speaker 2No, I just go. Why hipa cokes from?
Speaker 1the shops and film for three to make more money. All right, people mind this time. You've now inherited two mil. Oh, we don't that to me oh the face has changed it a smiley face that is pretty good.
Speaker 2I mean, I'd want to put I want to build my own business. Okay, all right, I wouldn't mind putting in the effort to do something with my own hands so I can leave a legacy behind.
Speaker 1In what area do you?
Speaker 2reckon Probably in what I'm in now in the mechanical engineering field within asset protection. But yeah, I want to leave behind a legacy or something for my kids when I'm not around.
Speaker 1Nice, beautiful, if you're down to your last meal, are you having red curry or something different?
Speaker 2Last meal would have to be a three-piece feed from KFC, I reckon oh okay, nice, all right. Okay, nice, all right.
Speaker 1All right, I'm going to stuff your hand with this one, the deserted island one. You're stuck on a deserted island. This time you're going to have two people. Who are they and why? It can be anyone in the world, whether you've met them or not. Two people stuck on a deserted island so you can bring two more with you, and it can't be your family or kids. Who's two people you'd like to be stuck?
Speaker 2on an island with and why See the thing? Is you get stuck with anyone for an extended period of time?
Speaker 1You have to go outside your island, go for a bit of a run, do a few burpees. Yeah, you're going to Do a bit of exercise and come back.
Speaker 2You're going to like lose your mind and probably even potentially ruin relationship because you don't get a break.
Building Relationships and Self-Acceptance
Speaker 1See, I think you're overthinking this. Now, what if I say that you're stuck on a dessert island for two weeks?
Speaker 2Two weeks I could probably do that. I'd probably go with Jess, the girl that I'm currently seeing, just so I can give me a chance to get to know her a bit better and grow a relationship like learning about her. Yep Two people or just one person?
Speaker 1You can't be by yourself, mate. This is Big Brother. You've got to have another person come in here. It's not a honeymoon island, mate. This is going to be something in here.
Speaker 2So I'll go there. Yeah, I'll go with Jess if it's only two weeks. Yeah.
Speaker 1All right To learn. Yeah, I have to give you another one. There's two.
Speaker 2Oh, another one.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And oh God.
Speaker 1Marry celebrate other two weeks. Is anyone famous or something you'd like to have get to know for two weeks? Yeah, yeah, Is anyone famous or something you'd like to know for two weeks?
Speaker 2Yeah, I wouldn't mind some Russell Brand, someone funny just to have fun with that's good. Russell Brand yeah, just so you've got some entertainment there too, because he's like really quirky and fun too.
Speaker 1Yeah, I like that, that's good. All right, mate, two more questions for you. Yep, these days, when Vishara looks at himself in the mirror, what does he? I like that, that's good. All right, mate, two more questions for you. These days, when Vishara looks at himself in the mirror, what does he see? I'm not talking about physical characteristics.
Speaker 2As a man. Who does he see? That's a good question. I see someone that's come from a very different background, that's healed themselves, constantly works on himself and sees a man that has to be there at their best for their daughters.
Speaker 1Okay, lovely, yeah, well said, is there any other podcast that I haven't spoken to you about that you want to chat about?
Speaker 2No mate. I think we covered pretty well. You've done well. Yeah, that was good.
Speaker 1Mate, I appreciate you being open and vulnerable. Absolutely Pleased to know you being open, vulnerable and Absolutely Pleased to know you as a young man and also what you're doing and what you've been through, but also the quality of life now that you're going to have impact on others now from what you've been through. So don't ever underestimate the impact you've got on other people while you're on your journey.
Speaker 2Yep.
Speaker 1That's why.
Speaker 2I wanted to come on here, mate. Just make sure I tell people out there that just if you're listening and you're going through a hard time, just reach out.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2It does make a big difference and it is hard sometimes to reach out. That is the first step and it is the hardest step, but once you do, once you do realize that you can get out of it, you can get out of it.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's right. Thanks for coming on, gw Unspoken.
Speaker 2Thank you.