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We know that now more than ever, there is a growing disconnection between parents and their teens, corporates and their employees, and human interactions in general.
This can cause stress, frustration and many arguments within families and the work environment.
gwunspoken looks at the challenges people of all ages have in their relationships with one another and provides experience and advice, allowing all parties to have a voice.... and feel heard.
Join us to hear corporates, parents, educators, teens and the latest advice of how we can in fact live the life we love, in making authentic interactions, because we know... authentic connection is everything.
gwunspoken
The Silent Battle: Rewiring Your Brain for Gratitude Instead of Comparison
The battle between gratitude and comparison is happening silently in your brain every day, and you probably don't even realise it. One moment you're content and appreciative of your life, and the next—after a quick social media scroll or hearing about someone else's success—your sense of fulfillment vanishes into thin air. Why does this happen so consistently, and what's actually happening in your brain when it does?
This episode dives deep into the neuroscience behind why gratitude and comparison cannot coexist. When comparison takes over, it activates your brain's default mode network—the breeding ground for self-criticism and that nagging feeling that you're falling behind. Meanwhile, genuine gratitude lights up the medial prefrontal cortex, literally rewiring your neural pathways to scan for positives rather than perceived shortcomings. Research shows that simply limiting social media exposure can dramatically decrease depression while boosting your capacity for thankfulness.
What makes this mental tug-of-war even more fascinating is our paradoxical relationship with comparison. Despite knowing it makes us unhappy, we secretly engage in it because it provides feedback and a sense of where we stand. We explore practical strategies for choosing gratitude instead: interrupting the comparison cycle, honouring your own timeline, and priming your brain for positivity before exposure to potential triggers. Plus, discover how a simple family gratitude wall transformed morning attitudes and cultivated genuine appreciation. Remember, if your gratitude depends on what others have or don't have, it's not gratitude at all—it's just comparison wearing a costume. You don't need to catch up or achieve more to be enough. You already are.
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Well, hey, legends, and welcome back to GDW Unspoken, the podcast, where we talk about the things we don't typically talk about, but absolutely. And today we're tackling a silent battle that lives in our heads rent-free. Gratitude versus comparison these two, they don't get along like oil and water, like pineapple on pizza, like toddlers and logic. You've been there. You can't live in gratitude and comparison at the same time. It's one or the other. So let's unpack that. And this is the problem why gratitude disappears when comparison enters.
Speaker 1:Here's how it usually works You're having a pretty good day, you're grateful, you're vibing, you've got your odd coffee and your hair's doing the thing you like and your inbox isn't threatening you Sandy, there's less than 100 in there and everything's good. And then, bam, you open up LinkedIn, or you open up Instagram or one of your socials, or you walk into the staff room and someone says oh, did you hear? Lisa got that, bought a new house and got a new promotion? And suddenly your gratitude evaporates like a puddle in the sun and you're left with that awful, sinking feeling that you are behind. Comparison is a thief of joy, but no one tells you. It's also most gratitude, in a back alley, takes its shoes off, runs off yelling you're not doing enough, and comparison triggers a part of the brain called the default mode network, basically, the internal monologue that loops when we're not focused. Studies show that this is where self-criticism, overthinking and the comparison live rent-free and, if left unchecked, it becomes our default lens, one where we're never enough. And if we're surrounded by everything we once wished for and don't have it, we start struggling. We teach this to the kids at the moment at school in our life skills class, and we talk about happiness is what we have, divided by what we want, and Tim Bono said that in his book, and it's really important to understand that, because once we start comparing things that we don't have, we start stopping looking at things we do have and it's never enough. We don't feel depleted, we don't feel like we actually have our lives on track. We see it all the time, especially with the fashions what people have for their shoes and their clothes. So what does the science say? Because I love a bit of research and a fact bomb. So here we go.
Speaker 1:In 2018, a study from the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that participants who limited their social media use for up to 30 minutes a day sorry two, 30 minutes a day, experienced a significant drop in depression and loneliness. And look, there's lots of research out there now showing how social media can lead to anxiety and depression, but also loneliness, that silent killer, and a noticeable increase in self-worth and gratitude. And why? Because you stop feeding the comparison monster, your brain has space to actually see what's working and what's positive in your own life. And here's the other one Gratitude activates the medial prefrontal cortex. That part of the brain is associated with decision-making and emotional regulation and it helps rewire the brain to look for the good instead of obsessing and scanning for what is missing, because often the negative is more powerful than the positive.
Speaker 1:But when we compare, especially on curated platforms, we activate the amygdala, the miggy, that fear and survival center, the fight flight and response where there's no real threat, just someone's barley holiday picks with a rise grind. Repeat caption. Yeah, so here's a controversy. We secretly like comparison. You know, here's actually the juicy bit.
Speaker 1:We complain about comparing, but secretly we engage in it. Why? Because it gives us feedback, a sense of ranking. I don't know how many times when you go into a parent-teacher interview, I'm talking to parents out there and you hear the grades and what the students are doing and how your child's progressing. But often all we want to know is are they engaged and how do they compare with that age group they're working with? It's interesting, isn't it? And sometimes we actually think of that ranking and say, oh, at least I'm doing better than them. I've definitely been feeling guilty of that, or worse. I'll never catch up to her. And don't even get me started on the competitive gratefulness Olympics. I'm grateful for my coffee. I'm grateful for world peace, emotional healing and the reunion of my inner child with the cosmos. Okay, susan, calm down.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we use gratitude as a performance, just not a tool to subtly compare how spiritual or balanced we are. But true gratitude it's quiet, it's personal, it doesn't need to be posted, praised or polished. Here's the mic drop moment. If your gratitude is dependent on what someone else has or doesn't have, it's not gratitude, it's actually comparison in a costume. So what can we do instead? Look, how do we shift out of comparison back into genuine brain boosting gratitude? How do we do that? Here's a couple for you. Number one interrupt the scroll. If you catch yourself comparing on social media, pause. Ask yourself what am I seeking right now? Validation Connection, or am I just bored? Number two name what's yours Instead of I'm behind. Reframe this to I'm on my own timeline. Gratitude grows when we honor our path, not someone else's. Highlights real. And number three practice gratitude before exposure.
Speaker 1:So try starting your day with three specific things you're grateful for before you let the world in via your phone. Prime your brain to prime it to focus on abundance, not lack. Try this at home. Try and do a gratefulness journal. We did it at home with a big A3 sheet paper that was stuck on the wall and the kids would come in the morning and they'd actually write at least two things that they were grateful for and they'd write them down and they had to be different each day. You couldn't look at anybody else's and we've got lots of kids. So in about three days we'd change the A3 paper or add it. But it was amazing how you could see their feelings was more positive and happy before they came down for breakfast then. So the first thing in the morning, whenever they came in and you come, jump inside the room three things or two things they were grateful for and it was just awesome just to see that wall over a period of time, because gratitude doesn't mean settling. It means actually seeing, see what you've got, who you are and how far you've come. Because even when someone else seems further ahead, if you worry about yourself and think about the things you've got in your life, you become more happier.
Speaker 1:So let's wrap up this thing with three journal prompts, this podcast, because you know things work in threes. So here's three things I suggest that we work on. Number one when was the last time you compared yourself to someone else and what did that moment reveal about what you valued or feared? So be real. Don't just judge yourself. Just get curious. Try and think about what happened, all right. Number two ask this question what am I genuinely proud of or grateful for in my life right now, regardless of how it looks to others? This is for you, so it's not for show what's something you are really grateful for yourself. Okay, try and get a little personal one about that one. And number three what would your life look like if you stopped measuring against others just for one week? So who might you become if you trusted your own inner peace? It's a bit deep, but I wonder how it would go if you actually did that. And I understand the general prompts. It's easy to do, easy not do, but it's a slight edge principle. If you can just start doing these and start reshaping your thoughts and mind, maybe, maybe you'll become more happy, but also influence those people around you to do similar things. So that's it, my friends.
Speaker 1:That's another episode of GW Unspoken's In the Bag. If this stirred something for you, if you've been living in the echo chamber of not enough, I just want to remind you you are already enough. So not when you achieve more, not when you catch up right now, as is. And if this has helped, please pass it on. Share it with someone who needs to hear. The comparison can't sit at the gratitude table. So I'm Gary, and I'm bloody grateful you chose to be here and I'll see you next week on GW Unspoken, where we keep saying the things that matter out loud. Thank you.