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gwunspoken
We know that now more than ever, there is a growing disconnection between parents and their teens, corporates and their employees, and human interactions in general.
This can cause stress, frustration and many arguments within families and the work environment.
gwunspoken looks at the challenges people of all ages have in their relationships with one another and provides experience and advice, allowing all parties to have a voice.... and feel heard.
Join us to hear corporates, parents, educators, teens and the latest advice of how we can in fact live the life we love, in making authentic interactions, because we know... authentic connection is everything.
gwunspoken
You're Not Naturally Grateful, and That's Perfectly Fine
Could your approach to gratitude be completely wrong? The latest episode of gwunspoken challenges the fundamental belief that some people are simply born more grateful than others.
Diving deep into surprising research from Harvard Medical School and neuroscience studies, we uncover how gratitude functions more like a muscle requiring consistent training than an innate personality trait. The science is compelling – participants who documented three specific things they were grateful for daily over just 21 days experienced measurable increases in dopamine production and improved emotional regulation. Through the fascinating lens of neuroplasticity, we explore how regularly practicing gratitude physically rewires the connections between your prefrontal cortex and amygdala, transforming not just your outlook but your brain's actual structure.
We don't shy away from controversy, addressing the damaging phenomenon of "toxic gratitude" where thankfulness becomes a weapon to shame others. Those phrases we've all heard—"at least you don't have cancer" or "you should be grateful to even have a job"—often invalidate genuine struggles. Instead, we champion a more nuanced truth: you can simultaneously be grateful and struggling, blessed and burnt out. Authentic gratitude makes space for complexity rather than demanding perfect positivity.
The episode concludes with practical, science-backed strategies for building your gratitude muscle, especially during challenging times. From reframing perspective to appreciating micro-moments and creating sustainable habit loops, these techniques offer a pathway to greater resilience and wellbeing. Leave with three powerful prompts to kickstart your gratitude practice and transform your mental fitness.
Ready to flex your gratitude muscle? Share this episode with someone who needs a reminder that building a grateful life is possible, even with messy tools. Subscribe and join us as we keep exploring the unspoken truths that shape our human experience.
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Welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken, where we discuss stuff we don't typically talk about but probably should. And we're coming here in Season 9, episode 3. We're talking about gratefulness, and we've got a bit of a controversial episode this time. So we're going to unpack some things that's going to ruffle a few feathers out there, because you know what, no matter who you are, you are not naturally grateful. No one is Not me, not you, not your kid. You've just got a whole heavy meal and still wants yours.
Speaker 1:Gratitude is not a personality trait. It's not just something you're born with, like freckles, height or a love of carbs. It's a muscle and if you don't train it, it withers. Let's start with this myth. Some people are just naturally gifted. You've heard it. She's just one of those glass half full types, or he's always so positive, or boy. They just get really grounded and grateful all the time. It's a gift, as if gratefulness is something you're either born with or not, like tone deafness or a double jointed elbow. But here's the problem with that thinking. If you believe gratefulness is a trait and not a trained response, then when life gets hard, you give yourself a pass. You say well, you know, I'm just not that kind of person. And you know I'm just not that kind of person. And you know what happens with your brain it listens to that and it builds neural pathways and makes you believe that concept. Now, according to a study in personality and individual differences this is word for word gratefulness has less to do with personality type and more to do with intentional behavior. So, in other words, it's not a who you are thing, it's a what you do thing. And here's the kicker People who train themselves to express gratitude, especially during hard times, were significantly more resilient and reported better physical health, even under chronic stress. I know plenty of us out there are feeling chronic stress Students as well, young kids, parents, grandparents we're all feeling it. People who are lonely kids, parents, grandparents, we're all feeling it. People who are lonely. But that's the kicker they train themselves to express gratitude. They have all those significant more resilient and better physical health.
Speaker 1:So let's seek out some brain science, because you know I like being a bit of a geek around this. So the brain loves patterns and that's why if you're a great educator or a really good parent, you have things that are really inconsistent in those practices. But the more you think a certain way, the stronger those neural pathways become, and that's called neuroplasticity. It builds those neurons and it makes those connections stronger. So if you're someone who constantly complains, your brain becomes really, really good at spotting what's wrong. You could be sipping on a margarita on a beach and then your brain will say, oh, this ice is melting unevenly. You know what I'm saying. It basically looks for the negative in everything. However, if you actually train your brain to practice gratitude daily, you're rewiring those neural pathways. So it's plastic. You're rewiring it to seek out what's good and not just like in an airy fairy way. Literally it rewires the connections between your prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking part of your brain, and your amygdala, which is that emotional part of your brain and that reduces emotional reactivity.
Speaker 1:Here's another stat, again word for word Harvard Medical School study Participants who wrote down three specific things they were grateful for every day for 21 days let's say it takes 21 days to make a habit showed measurable increases in dopamine production and emotional regulation your good hormone, the feeling of wanting to get up and do stuff and your calming emotion. So guess what? Gratefulness is not fluff, it's actual mental fitness. But this is where it does get controversial. Gratitude can actually become toxic when it's used in a way to shame others, and you probably know what I mean out there. You've heard these comments before. You know such as well. At least you don't have cancer, or you should be grateful to even have a job. Oh, you know, that's first world problems. So let me just say this clearly you can be grateful and struggling, you can feel blessed and burnt out, and you can still appreciate your house and still want to run away from the people who live inside it. Love your family.
Speaker 1:By the way, gratitude isn't a moral high ground, it's a practice and just like exercise. Some days you show up and don't feel like doing it, but you do it anyway because over time it works. And here's another news flash people express gratefulness out loud, with humility, not superiority, are far more likely to be trusted and respected, and no one wants to be around a gratitude great creeper. So how do we train gratitude when life feels like a flaming bin chicken? Look, how can we do that? Because a lot of people go well, it well, it is fluff. Well, it doesn't actually work. We just learned, then, that neural pathways they've proved it at Harvard that it actually does change your emotional center.
Speaker 1:Number one don't fake it, just frame it Instead of. I should be grateful for say what in this mess can I still be thankful for? Therefore, you're not denying the chaos, you're reframing your perspective. Here's another one, again for making it real. After some micro moments count. So gratitude doesn't have to be deep, it can be I'm grateful for my zoom call that didn't drop out. Or I'm grateful that my pants are still buttoned up today because I'm putting on weight. Or I'm grateful my child hasn't asked for dinner again. Hey, what's for dinner? Well, not yet. Anyway, to make those little moments count and and attach it to something you already do.
Speaker 1:So sometimes gratitude needs a cue for as a reminder. So do it while you're brushing your teeth or walking the dogs, or while the kettle balls make it a habit loop. Then you're more likely to do it over and over again and you know, if you mess up one day, it doesn't matter, you don't, don't spiral it, just come back the next day. I mean you wouldn't skip out one workout and say, well, that's it, I'm unfit forever. Okay, maybe that was a bad example, but you know what I mean. Don't beat yourself up because suddenly you missed out on a grateful session. So look, here's a challenge for you. Again, it's a controversial episode. There's gifted to be grateful, or they are more thankful for things, or they look at perspectives differently. Remember, in all things, if we want to change, our brain is plastic. We can make change, we can make a habit loop over and over again and you can actually change your perspective on things.
Speaker 1:So here's our three general prompts for the week. I'd love you to write them down again, because that's when the actual momentum happens and movement happens and actually things actually change. Number one what is one moment from the last two days, the last 48 hours, that made you feel like you had a big smile? Or it made you breathe easier, even if it was small, even if it was especially small? What's one moment that made you smile and breathe easier? Number two where do you notice yourself struggling to feel grateful? How could you train your brain to respond differently and be honest, it's not perfect just when could you do it? And number three what's one way you could show gratitude in action this week verbally, physically or even silently?
Speaker 1:Maybe it's a message, a moment of patience or just saying thank you and really, really meaning it, because that could be the reminder that gratitude isn't reserved just for monks or mindset coaches with perfect lighting. It's actually for all of us. It's all of us in traffic where I actually hate it and get frustrated. It's in chaos. It's in the middle of reheating last night's leftovers. It's feeding the dogs. Like we said, it's going for a walk. You're not failing at gratefulness, you're just human. So go and flex that gratitude muscle like your arm day for your soul. Just do it.
Speaker 1:Okay, if this episode made you laugh, cry or reflect, send it to someone who needs to be reminded you can have and build a grateful life, even with messy tools. Keep it real, keep it raw, keep it ridiculously human, because we all need it, especially in this day and age. You see a lot of people especially, I find, middle-aged people, who are actually struggling out there. They really don't know what's happening with their life. Let's change it around, let's be mindful, let's be grateful, and when we're grateful we change those neural pathways and have a different perspective on what we're seeing and how we're feeling. I'm Gary and thanks a lot for joining in to GWN Spoken in Episode 3. Thank you.