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We know that now more than ever, there is a growing disconnection between parents and their teens, corporates and their employees, and human interactions in general.
This can cause stress, frustration and many arguments within families and the work environment.
gwunspoken looks at the challenges people of all ages have in their relationships with one another and provides experience and advice, allowing all parties to have a voice.... and feel heard.
Join us to hear corporates, parents, educators, teens and the latest advice of how we can in fact live the life we love, in making authentic interactions, because we know... authentic connection is everything.
gwunspoken
Stop Slapping Band-Aids on Broken Arms: The Gratitude Trap
Ever been told to "just be grateful" when you're genuinely struggling? That well-meaning advice might actually be harming your mental health. Welcome to the darker side of gratitude—where positive thinking transforms from helpful practice into emotional manipulation.
The science behind this is fascinating. When someone dismisses your pain with toxic positivity, your brain's rational thinking center temporarily shuts down while your amygdala—your brain's panic button—lights up like a smoke detector. University of Michigan researchers found that people pressured into gratitude actually experience more stress, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. It's like being forced to smile for a photo while mid-cry, creating a disconnect between your external expression and internal reality.
Sometimes it's perfectly okay to be ungrateful. You don't need to feel thankful for toxic relationships, unfair treatment, or soul-crushing jobs just because "it could be worse." In fact, studies from the American Psychological Association reveal that people who allow themselves to fully experience negative emotions without immediately reframing them positively recover faster from trauma and stress. Real gratitude isn't about ignoring the bad—it's about balancing light and dark in an authentic way.
Ready to practice healthier gratitude? Start by acknowledging difficult emotions before reaching for thankfulness. Name your pain first. Stop comparing struggles (gratitude isn't a competition), and firmly reject gratitude when it's used as a silencing tool. Remember, you can be grateful while still expecting better. Try writing down what you're genuinely thankful for without pressure, and consider one small gratitude practice that feels real rather than performative.
Share this episode with someone who needs permission to feel all their emotions, not just the grateful ones. And remember—gratitude is powerful, but it's a practice and a choice, not a weapon or guilt trip.
www.in8code.com
Welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken, where we discuss stuff we don't typically talk about but probably should. And we're here with episode 5, season 9, talking about gratitude. And well, we're talking about gratitude and how it gets weaponized today, and that's right. We're talking about the darker side of gratitude, that side that's been slapped on t-shirts, motivational posters and those cringe-inducing bumper stickers like good vibes only because sometimes gratitude actually can be harmful. So you ready for this one? This one's a little bit left field, so I'd love to have your opinion on this one.
Speaker 1:But this is a problem. We've all heard it. Just be grateful. It could be worse. At least you have a job. Be thankful you even have a family. We've talked about this in one of our first episodes.
Speaker 1:But on the surface, this statement seems well or well-meaning, but they're the emotional equivalent of slapping a band-aid on a broken arm. Here's the problem. When we use gratitude to dismiss someone's pain, shame their struggle or silence their voice, it's no longer gratitude, it's actually emotional manipulation. There's a study from the University of Michigan that found people who felt pressured to be grateful during difficult times experienced actually more stress, more resentment and actual emotional exhaustion. And why? Because this forced gratitude creates a distance or a disconnect between our external expression and our internal reality. And it's like being told, for example, like hey smile for a family photo when you're still mid-crying. And here's the brain science of it. This is why it's harmful. When you're struggling and someone tells you to just be grateful, that front part of your brain, the prefrontal cortex, that part that actually is responsible for rational thought and emotional regulation, it actually goes offline. And what happens is your amygdala, that brain's panic button. It lights up like a foley smoke detector and you go into that defensive mode. Your body thinks it's under attack and you feel dismissed, invalidated and even alone. So gratitude, when real, can reduce cortisol and increase dopamine, but fake gratitude it can actually spike your stress levels because it forces you to emotionally gaslight yourself. And that's full on, isn't it? When you think about it, if someone tells you to be grateful for something that's genuinely hurting you, your brain is forced to wrestle with that sort of cognitive distance. So you're thinking am I overreacting? Should I just shut up and just be grateful? Are they right? And that internal conflict can eat away at your self-worth over time. And the problem is here's where it gets controversial.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's okay to be ungrateful. Sometimes it's okay to say no, I'm not actually thankful for this. You don't have to be grateful for toxic relationships, unfair treatment or jobs that just strain your soul. You don't have to be thankful for every challenge just because it made you stronger. You know what? Sometimes life's just a bit crap and it's actually okay to admit it, and it's probably good to do that. There's another study in 2018 from an American Psychology Association that found that people who allow themselves to fully experience negative emotions without trying to immediately reframe them into something positive, they actually recovered faster from that trauma and stress. So here's a thought if you're in a tough spot, so think about your own personal life now. And if you're in a tough spot and someone tells you to hey, just be grateful, feel free to mentally hit them with a thanks, but no thanks, all right. But here's a lighter one for you. If someone's instagram bio says, hey, positive vibes only or good vibes tribe, I think it's a good idea to approach that maybe with caution. These are the people who will cut you off in traffic. Then to hey, just be grateful, you didn't crash and you've got a car.
Speaker 1:Gratitude isn't just about ignoring the bad. It's about balancing a light and a dark. It's not a personality contest or a forced smile. It's a choice, a practice, an ongoing messy real-life process, and you know what it's actually tough to do In a life skills class. At the moment we're doing that with our year eights, teaching them how gratitude can actually help the emotional part of your brain and also then help switch on that actually smart part or the thinking part of your brain. It's very hard. It's very hard for people to sit still. There's a lot of boys, particularly full of testosterone, who just wants to run around and move. So try some different practices. Try it.
Speaker 1:But going back to you, how can we actually participate in gratitude without becoming human doormats or emotional gaslighters? Here's a plan for you, number one and this is really important because I don't think a lot of us do. Number one just acknowledge that hard stuff Before you reach your gratitude. Actually name the pain. Just say this is hard, I am struggling, I'm not right now, I'm not okay today. Acknowledge it, have it at the front of your brain. Don't try and dismiss it or put it at the back of your brain and deal with it later on. It'll just build up over time. That's where you'll see people explode with outbursts. Number two don't compare struggles. Just because someone else has it worse doesn't mean your pain isn't valid. Gratefulness isn't a competition, it's a conversation. Everyone has different feelings about their emotional pain. And number three reject gratitude as a silencing tool. If someone tries to shut you down with hey, just be grateful again. Hit them with a gentle but firm oy, I can be grateful, but still expect better.
Speaker 1:So here's three general prompts for the week. Again, I ask you to participate in this Write down. I know it's easy, like goal setting, just to think about it and go no, no. I ask you to participate in this Write down. I know it's easy, like goal setting, just to think about it and go no, no, I don't need to write down and get it. Most things that we write down and measure it actually gets improved.
Speaker 1:So, number one here's the first one when in my life, ask yourself where in my life have I felt pressured to just be grateful when I actually need support or validation? Instead, just name it, it might free up. Just write it down. There might be a few of them. Number two ask yourself what am I genuinely grateful for in my life right now, without any pressure or obligation to say it. What comes up naturally, without force? What is it?
Speaker 1:And number three, how can I practice gratitude this week in a way that's real, balanced, and not just for show? Maybe it's a silent thank you, maybe it's a journal entry, maybe it's just not complaining about the Wi-Fi for a day. What's one practice of gratitude you can do? It's real, balanced and not just for show. So that's another episode for us in episode five here, and I really appreciate you joining in and remember gratefulness and gratitude is powerful, but it's not a weapon, it's not a shut or a shush button, it's not a tool for guilt. It's a practice, it's a choice, and sometimes a quiet whisper of thanks in a storm works for us. And if this episode hit home for you, please share it with someone who you know needs it. By God, a lot of people need it right now. It's a reminder that it's okay to feel all things, not just a grateful one. So thank you for joining us for another episode of GWN Spoken and I look forward to your company in our next episode.