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We know that now more than ever, there is a growing disconnection between parents and their teens, corporates and their employees, and human interactions in general.
This can cause stress, frustration and many arguments within families and the work environment.
gwunspoken looks at the challenges people of all ages have in their relationships with one another and provides experience and advice, allowing all parties to have a voice.... and feel heard.
Join us to hear corporates, parents, educators, teens and the latest advice of how we can in fact live the life we love, in making authentic interactions, because we know... authentic connection is everything.
gwunspoken
When Thank You Feels Like Sandpaper: Exploring Authentic Gratitude
Have you ever forced yourself to say "thank you" when you actually wanted to scream? That awkward, gritty feeling isn't a failure of gratitude—it's what happens when we're honest about its complexity.
Gratitude has been packaged and sold to us as an emotional cure-all, a path to happiness paved with positive thinking. But this perspective misses something crucial: real gratitude isn't always pretty. Sometimes it feels like gravel in your shoes or sandpaper on your soul. This episode dives deep into the science behind why forced thankfulness actually increases our stress hormones and triggers cognitive dissonance in our brains. Research from UC Berkeley confirms what you've probably suspected—obligation-based gratitude often leads to increased anxiety and emotional exhaustion.
Here's the liberating truth: you don't have to be grateful for everything. You don't need to thank the bully for "building character" or express gratitude for traumatic experiences that shaped you. There's a profound difference between appreciating what you learned and being thankful for painful lessons themselves. Instead, we explore three practical approaches to authentic gratitude: separating the lesson from the experience, naming the uncomfortable parts honestly, and allowing mixed feelings to coexist. These strategies help you honour growth without sugarcoating struggle.
Ready to practice? Try the reflective prompts shared in this episode to identify where forced gratitude might be causing you more harm than good. Write down what you feel pressured to be thankful for but still hurts, consider how to honour your growth without glorifying pain, and discover spaces where genuine gratitude can live alongside your messy, human emotions. Remember, gratitude isn't a moral high ground—it's a practice. A sometimes uncomfortable, always authentic practice. Share this episode with someone who's tired of pretending everything is fine when it isn't, and join us next week for more unfiltered conversation.
www.in8code.com
Welcome back to another edition of GW Unspoken, where we discuss stuff we don't typically talk about but probably should. And we're here with Season 9, episode 6, talking about gratitude. And today is about gratitude and always being pretty when thank you feels hard. This is a podcast where we don't just whisper sweet things into the void. We actually tackle the real, raw and occasional uncomfortable truths about life, love and human connection. And today it's sort of talking about something that's going to hit a little differently and it's about gratitude as always being pretty. In fact, sometimes it's messy, sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's the emotional equivalent of that awkward hug you get, you know, from your least favorite uncle at the family reunion at Christmas. And here's the one thing that no one tells you it's not always warm, it's not always fuzzy At Pinterest worth feeling. Sometimes it feels more like gravel in your shoes or sandpaper in your soul.
Speaker 1:We hear so much about gratitude is the key to happiness and we talked about last week positive vibes. Only we forget something crucial. This is the thing we forget Gratitude is actually hard. It actually asks you to say thank you, even when you don't want to, even when you're hurt, even when that thank you comes with a side of bitterness. Have you ever had to thank someone for a lesson you really didn't want to learn? Yeah, it's not so cute, is it? And here's the science behind why this happens. When you're forced forced is a word forced into a situation where you feel obliged to be grateful, like thanking a boss who made you miserable for toughening you up your brain triggers a cognitive dissonance response and that thinking part of the brain, that prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational thought and emotional regulation, it goes to war with your emotional brain, the amygdala. You're just screaming. This is not okay, and studies show that when we express gratitude under pressure, our stress hormones actually increase. There's been a study from the University of California, berkeley, where it found that gratitude felt out of obligation. When it is found out of obligation or pressure, it can actually lead to an increased amount of anxiety, resentment and emotional exhaustion. And that's because your brain knows you're faking it, even if you don't.
Speaker 1:So let me say this really clearly on this episode you don't have to be grateful for everything. You don't have to be grateful for every lesson, every hardship, every jerk you cross your path. Gratitude is not about pretending something was good when it wasn't. You don't have to thank the bully for building your character. You don't have to thank the ex for teaching you what you don't want. You don't have to thank the bully for building your character. You don't have to thank the ex for teaching you what you don't want. You don't have to thank the toxic workplace for making you stronger. You can be grateful for what you learned without being grateful for the lesson itself. It's a big, big difference. And if you've ever heard someone say to you you should just be grateful. You even have a job. When you're drowning in deadlines and office politics, you know exactly what I mean.
Speaker 1:Gratitude isn't a moral high ground. It's not a contest to see who can be the most positive in the face of adversity. It's not. Oh, you're grateful for morning coffee? Well, I'm grateful for my crippling student debt because it taught me resilience. No thanks, I'll stick to my flat white. So how do we practice real gratitude, even when it's uncomfortable? So here's some ideas, here's some plans. So I'll give you three of them today.
Speaker 1:Number one separate the lesson from the experience. You can't be grateful for the growth without being grateful for the wound. You know, I'm grateful. I learned my worth, even if I had to learn it the hard way. Number two just name it, name it, name it, name it. Name the ugly parts. You can say I'm not thankful for the betrayal, but I'm thankful for the strength it gave me. I'm not grateful for the burnout, but I'm grateful I learned where my boundaries are. And number three allow for mixed feelings.
Speaker 1:Gratitude doesn't have to be pure. It can be messy, complicated and contradictory. You can love someone and still be glad they're gone. You can Now that's probably a lot to come in, but here's something you can do now. You can write this down Again. I'm going to suggest this from your perspective.
Speaker 1:Write it down Three general prompts, and this is them for the week. Number one say to yourself what's one thing in my life I feel pressured to be grateful for but honestly still feel bitter or hurt about. Write it down as you sit forward, actually name it. Free yourself from the false positivity. Just write down. Number two say to yourself what's a hard lesson I learned and how can I express gratitude for the growth without pretending I'm grateful for the pain you know? Write down what you want to honor the growth without sugarcoating the struggle. Number three write down where in your life.
Speaker 1:You could practice gratitude and hold space for genuine messy and human emotions, like maybe it's a situation, a person or a time you're still processing. Write them down, have a self-reflection, get them out of your brain, get them out of your head and sometimes it actually makes you feel better. It's actually down on paper, okay, well, that's the episode six. And remember gratitude isn't moral high ground, it's actually a practice A messy, sometimes uncomfortable, always real practice. And if someone ever tries to force you into toxic gratitude, just remember you don't owe anyone a thank you for a bad time. You don't All right. And if this episode hit home for you, make sure you share it with someone who's tired of pretending that maybe you know everything is fine and, as always, I'm grateful you're here, mess and all. I'm Gary Woodford, and this is GED Unspoken, where we keep it real, raw and unapologetically human. Catch you next week. Legends.