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gwunspoken
We know that now more than ever, there is a growing disconnection between parents and their teens, corporates and their employees, and human interactions in general.
This can cause stress, frustration and many arguments within families and the work environment.
gwunspoken looks at the challenges people of all ages have in their relationships with one another and provides experience and advice, allowing all parties to have a voice.... and feel heard.
Join us to hear corporates, parents, educators, teens and the latest advice of how we can in fact live the life we love, in making authentic interactions, because we know... authentic connection is everything.
gwunspoken
Your Emotions Are Messengers, Not Enemies
Have you ever been told to "just calm down" or "don't cry" when emotions run high? That well-meaning advice leaves us with seemingly impossible choices: suppress our feelings until they fester or let them explode uncontrollably. Neither option serves us well.
This episode challenges that false dichotomy by revealing a powerful truth—your emotions aren't problems to fix or dangers to avoid. They're sophisticated messengers from your body and brain signaling that something matters deeply to you. The real difficulty arises not from feeling emotions but from lacking effective strategies to work with them.
I share a practical three-step approach to emotional regulation that honors your feelings without letting them hijack your life. First, "name it to tame it"—the simple act of identifying your specific emotion activates your logical brain and reduces emotional intensity. Second, "shift your state, not your story"—instead of ruminating on emotional narratives, change your physical state through movement to reset your nervous system. Finally, "respond, don't react"—use the space created by the first two steps to choose intentional responses aligned with your values rather than automatic reactions.
Imagine navigating life where anger becomes a signal to set boundaries, sadness invites connection, and joy flows freely without restraint. This isn't about emotional suppression—it's about developing the skills to feel fully while maintaining choice and clarity even in difficult moments.
Whether you've struggled with emotional flooding or shutdown, these accessible techniques can transform your relationship with feelings. Practice them this week using the journal prompts provided, and watch how your emotional landscape shifts toward greater balance, authenticity, and resilience.
Ready to stop fearing your emotions and start using them as guides? Listen now, and discover how emotional regulation becomes the foundation for deeper connections, clearer decisions, and a more authentic life.
www.in8code.com
Welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken, where we discuss stuff we don't typically talk about but probably should, and the title of this podcast is called Regulating your Emotions Without Shutting them Down. How many times have you been told, boy, just calm down. Or maybe someone said don't cry or don't get angry, just put yourself together? Yeah, that's right. We all have right. We've probably been guilty of saying it to people as well. And so what usually happens? We either swallow it down, we shove it deep inside, or, if the pressure's too much, we just let it explode and nothing feels good, right, especially when we explode when people are around us, because sometimes they're the brunt of us being angry.
Speaker 1:So here's the truth I want you to hear today your emotions are not a problem, they're not dangerous, they're not wrong, they're actually signals, they're messages from your body and your brain saying oi, something really matters to me here. So the problem isn't feeling emotions. The problem is when we don't know what to do with them, when we think our only choices are to shut them down or, even worse, let them take over. But I'm going to challenge you today. What if there was another way? What if there is another way, a way to sort of honor your emotions without letting them take over and control you, a way to work with them and regulate them without silencing them or ignoring them. And that's what we're going to dive into today. So I'm Gary, I know you're listening here to our mental health and emotional resilience season and I want to be clear if you've ever struggled with feeling too much or not feeling at all, you're not broken. You're actually human. Your brain is wired for survival and emotions are part of that wiring. Look, if we're all logical creatures, we would all be fit. We'd all be healthy, obviously, if we weren't having internal sickness, we'd all have money because we'd know how to save.
Speaker 1:We usually do things based on emotion first anger, sadness, joy, fear. They all have a job to do, so the goal isn't to delete them. It's to regulate them so they can do their job without running the show. And you know what the good news is Anyone can learn to do this. So look, let's get practical. I've been working in the wellbeing space for a long time, so I'm going to give you a few tips today. I'm going to give you three steps that make regulating emotions possible without actually just shutting them down or ignoring them. All right, and they're simple, but they're powerful. Okay, so you ready. Step one name it to tame it. Step two shift your state, not your story. And number three respond don't react. That's a hard one, by the way, so let's unpack these really quickly. Number one name it to tame it. Do this all the time.
Speaker 1:You know when your emotions hit hard and suddenly your brain feels hijacked, that's your amygdala, that part of your brain that actually works on emotion. It's firing the alarm system in your brain. It gets so loud that the logical part of your brain switches off, and that's why you can't think straight when you're furious or anxious. This is the one I want to try and get through to teachers as well. People are in charge of our children today and our teens. Once the amygdala, the emotional part of our brain, switches off or fires up, there's no logical thinking from our kids. So we're in a power battle that we can't win. Teachers can't win and the kids don't win either, because at the end of the day, they get embarrassed or they get angry and their connection is gone. So you can't think straight, you can't win. Yet Amygdala is firing, so you can't think straight. You can't when that amygdala is firing, so you name it.
Speaker 1:Here's the hack when you actually name what you're feeling, you say it out loud or write down, you turn the logical brain back on and you shrink the power of that emotion. It's like taking a balloon that's about to pop and just letting some of the air out. So, instead of being swept away by, everything is awful, you say I feel angry. Or, even more precise, I feel frustrated, or I feel nervous or I feel disappointed. It's that simple. It calms the storm.
Speaker 1:And that's step one. Step two we talked about shift your state, not your story. Here's what most of us do when emotions show up, we replay the story over and over again. She doesn't respect me. This isn't fair. I can't do this Over and over and over. And the more we replay the story, the more stuck we feel. But the fastest way to regulate isn't through the story, it's through your body. You've got to shift your state.
Speaker 1:Get up, move, go outside, stretch, shake your hands out, breathe deep, do a squat, splash your face with water. Those small physical changes reset your nervous system. They lower that stress hormone, the cortisol. They give your brain a fresh signal saying okay, I'm safe, I can calm down now. It's not about ignoring your feelings. So don't get me wrong, it's not about that. It's about giving your body the reset it needs so you can come back to the story with more clarity, more control and less intensity. And yeah, you might look silly doing a squat in the middle of coals if you're frustrated because you've run out of cake mix, I don't know, but I'm not saying to do it, maybe in public. If you're not comfortable to do that, change your environment, move. Cortisol hates that. All right. It dissipates when you actually start moving. Here's step three Respond, don't react.
Speaker 1:This is a tough one. This is a tough one that I definitely struggle with. Here's where the magic happens, though. Once you've named the feeling, once you've shifted your state, you've actually created space, and in that space is choice. So reacting is automatic. It's slamming the door, snapping it apart and shutting down completely.
Speaker 1:Responding is intentional. It's saying I just need 10 minutes or I feel hurt naming it and I need to talk about it. The emotion still gets expressed, but it comes out in a way that's healthy, safe and aligned with who you want to be. Now I get it. That's not easy. I'm not saying that every time I snap. That's what I do. I don't suddenly say, hey, I feel hurt, we need to talk, all right, it's the stuff I'm definitely working on, but we're responding. We're responding in calm.
Speaker 1:I'm actually teaching the girls at the moment at home to say if responding and calm. I'm actually teaching the girls at the moment at home to say, if you get bullied at all, you actually ask them to repeat that again so they sound stupid again, saying calling them names or whatever they're doing they're bullying them with. And just look at them, smile and say, oh, you did say that. I didn't realise, you actually did Like. You did say that the first time and the second time, okay, okay, and then sort of walk away or smile.
Speaker 1:That's what emotional resilience looks like. It's not numbing, it's not exploding, it's actually regulating by responding, not reacting. That's the tough one. But just imagine for a moment, just imagine this successful picture. What would your life look like if you didn't fear your emotions? Like if anger became a signal to like set a boundary, or if sadness became like an invitation, I suppose, to connect, if joy became something you didn't hide but actually wanted to share. And that's a life. Regulation builds a life where emotions are guides, not enemies, a life where you can stay connected to yourself and the people around you even in the hardest moments.
Speaker 1:Now here's where you get to put this into practice. Grab your journal and, if you don't like writing a journal, even if it's worst case scenario, grab the notes app on your phone and spend some time with these three questions this week. Okay, here's number one when was the last time that you shut down an emotion instead of regulating it, and what did it cost you I'm not talking financially necessary. What did it cost you or the people around you? When was the last time? Number two what signals does your body give you when you feel overwhelmed? Is it like a tight chest or a clenched jaw, racing thoughts? I feel like my shoulders lift up and I lean into my neck like I feel tight. How could you use those signals as an early warning sign next time to go? Oh, hang on, my body's giving me a signal here. I'm starting to get overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:And number three what's one healthy response you could practice the next time you want to feel a strong emotion? So when that strong emotion comes along, the negative one, what's one healthy response? Now, that's tough. Be specific. What words would you say? What actions would you take. What pause would you give yourself?
Speaker 1:You know, write about them. Be honest with yourself, because the more you have awareness around this, the more you build that awareness, the easier the regulation becomes. So look to wrap up, remember this Emotions are messengers. They're not here to ruin you. They're here to guide you. Regulating your emotions doesn't mean silencing them. It means walking through them with intention, with tools and with choice. So try the three steps this week. Name it, shift your state, respond instead of reacting, and then spend some time with your journal prompts. You'll be amazed at how much lighter, calmer and clearer you actually feel. Thanks for being with me today. If the episode spoke to you, share it with someone you know who might be wrestling with their emotions right now, and stay tuned, because in the next episode we're going to go even deeper into building resilience for the moments that challenge us most. Until then, be kind to yourself and remember you don't need to shut down your emotions to be strong. Strength is found in feeling them and choosing how to walk through them.