gwunspoken

From Surviving to Living

• Garry • Season 1 • Episode 8

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The quiet truth most of us avoid: getting through the week isn’t the same as living a life. We open up about the hidden cost of wearing busy as a badge, why autopilot feels productive but empties the soul, and how survival mode hijacks the brain’s chemistry—spiking cortisol, flattening dopamine, and muting joy. Drawing on practical neuroscience and candid personal stories, we map a simple, humane path from pressure to presence that anyone can start today.

We begin by naming the signals—snapping at people you love, shallow breaths, the need for constant noise—and explain how metacognition creates space to respond instead of react. Then we move with the body: longer exhales to settle the nervous system, short walks in daylight, stretching between tasks, and tiny moments of awe that lift serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. From there, we rethink resilience as systems for peace, not more grit. Two questions guide the redesign: What gives me energy? What drains it? With that clarity, we swap survival habits like late‑night scrolling for living habits like journaling, mindful meals, and phone‑free morning minutes.

Along the way we talk about why creativity and curiosity only bloom when the body feels safe, how to set gentle boundaries without guilt, and what “the chemistry of calm” feels like when brain, body, and heart realign. We close with three journaling prompts that turn insight into action and a simple weekly commitment to choose one change that brings you back to meaning. Ready to feel grounded instead of guarded and notice small joys again? Follow the show, share this conversation with someone who needs it, and leave a review telling us the one habit you’re replacing this week.

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SPEAKER_00:

So let's talk about the truth that we don't usually talk about. Have you ever said to yourself, I just need to get through the week? It sounds harmless, but those words tell a story, a story of really endurance and not enjoyment of the moment. So many of us are living on autopilot, racing from one thing to the next, and measuring our worth by how much we can juggle before we drop. You know, it's like a status symbol. But what if what if life was never meant to be, just survived? It was meant to be lived fully, deeply, intentionally. I don't know about you, but I sort of have that feeling, sadly, when I go to a funeral. And you you count the number of weekends. If you've ever done this, have you ever thought about like say the average lifespan is 80 and you count how many weekends you've got left? And there's a book out there called Die with Zero, it talks about that. And it gets really scary and it starts making you more, I suppose, intentional about your life. And look, this is our final episode in season one about mental health and emotional resilience. And and today we're going to close the chapter by exploring the gap between surviving and living. And I'm Gary, and this is GW Unspoken. And this is where we talk about things we don't usually talk about, but probably should. So let's just let's just look at you. You've made it through every single one of your hardest days. You've carried things that most people probably will never see. And if you're listening right now, you're probably someone who gives a lot, you know, to your work, your family, your students, your community, whatever, whatever your job might be. If you're a teenager, your life to date, you're probably someone who gives a lot. But here's the thing: when life constantly feels like a balancing act, your brain starts living in what's called survival mode. It's a place where the nervous system stays on high alert. It's, you know, your heart beats faster, your breathing gets shallow, sometimes you feel like you've got that cricket ball or that apple stuck in your throat, and you find yourself reacting to life and its moments and over time, rather than living in those significant moments. You know, you might not even realize it, but survival can sometimes even feel normal, like even productive. But deep down, something you know there's supposed to be more than just getting through. And you know what happens? Just getting through becomes a habit. And that habit turns into a week, turns into a month, turns into a year, turns into five years. And you find yourself catching up, going, what the hell? I'm talking about those middle-aged people either too. Like, I don't know about you, but you get that stage where we're going, where did that honestly that last 10 years go? And what have I changed differently? So, what's the cost of living on empty? Like, let's break this down. Externally, our world celebrates busyness and it sucks, it does. Like, how many times have you sacrificed an authentic connection with another human because you said you're busy and you've sat down at your laptop? You know, we post about hustle culture. We compare calendars like badges of honor. Oh, I've got a meeting here and I've got a meeting here, and I've got a might have a free cup of coffee there if I can get time, but I'm busy. You know, that and this is the truth. Constant productivity has become the new addiction. But internally, the cost is high. Why? Because the brain releases cortisol, the stress hormone designed to help us respond to danger. Not to emails and not to deadlines, and not at the expense of an authentic connection to somebody else. And so when cortisol runs the show, dopamine, the motivation reward chemical, it becomes dysregulated. We stop feeling joy in all the small things. You know, we crave stimulation, scrolling, snacking, shopping, anything to feel alive again. Philosophically, it's heartbreaking because we were never meant to live like this. Human beings were built for connection, curiosity, creativity, and not chronic stress. And the problem is with even curiosity and creativity, that only happens. It's been proven that it only happens when your brain is in a relaxed state. Survival mode keeps us safe, but it also keeps us small. And so look, I've lived this story too. There were times when I measured my worth by how much I could handle, how much I could give, how many people I could try and help fix, how many students I could see in a day to try and get them on their way. You know, how many times I could be out west when I was out west teaching and teach all day, then coach the young kids and then, you know, be captain coach of my own team. You know, until my body suddenly in my brain says, it started whispering, it started going, enough. And I didn't say enough, it said why. It started saying, What? What's the bigger picture here? You know, that badge was very shiny from the outside, but inside it was burning away. And just recently I learned through neuroscience and experience that resilience isn't about pushing through pain, it's about building systems that sort of support peace. The shift from surviving to living doesn't happen overnight. It happens one small choice at a time. And it begins with your awareness around this point. So tonight, this evening, I want to walk you through three simple steps to close that gap. Steps grounded in brain science, but practical enough to start today. So, step one. Here's three steps to close the gap. Step one, notice the survival signals. The first step is awareness. You know, they talk about metacognition, people have got hired of thinking when they can think about their own thinking. This is awareness number one, survival. Survival mode often looks like this: snapping at people you love, losing focus, constantly feeling odd and edge, or needing noise and stimulation to avoid silence. And these aren't flaws, they're signals. Your nervous system is saying, I don't feel safe. When you notice it, you need to pause, take one deep breath and say to yourself, this is actually my body protecting me. And then naming that experience activates that that thinking part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, the rational part of your brain, and it begins to lower the alarm systems of the amygdala. And it's not about perfection, it's about that beautiful word called presence. Step two, time to re-regulate the body. So once you've noticed, it's time to just calm the system. You can't think your way out of survival mode. You have to move your way out of it. So try this. Try breathing out longer than you breathe in. So breathe in for four, hold for seven, and breathe out for eight. You know, move your body, stretch, walk, dance, laugh. Step outside, notice the colors, the sounds, the smells of nature, be present. Like these activate that parasympathetic nervous system, your body's rest and restore mode. It boosts serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, all those chemicals that make you feel safe and more importantly, connected. And so remember, you can't pour from an empty cup, but you can refill it one deep breath at a time. And I know what you're thinking out there. I know you're going, that's great, and that's that could be some hippie stuff there, Gary, but nothing's going to change unless you do this. They've proven you become more productive if you actually have breaks. You know, you if you pay people wearing an eye watch or well, not that the other ones do, but the other watches say the smart watches, but it says time to stand, time to move. It improves your endorphins, it gets you thinking again. Right? Our bodies weren't designed to sit. And here's step three: redesign your days for meaning. Like living fully isn't about adding more, it's about aligning more. It's very powerful actually to say no to things. So ask yourself two simple questions. What gives me more energy? And secondly, what drains it? And so from that, make one small change. So replace a survival habit like scrolling before we're at bed or skipping lunch with a living habit like journaling, mindful eating, or connecting with someone who fills your cup, reading a nice book that's actually going to grow your brain, grow your mind. You know, your brain will resist at first because it's different, because it prefers familiar discomfort over unfamiliar peace. But I encourage you to just keep going because over time, those neural pathways of yours will literally rewire from fear to freedom, and that's neuroplastic plasticity in action. So look, I'm asking for a simple commitment from you. Here's your challenge choose one small action this week that helps you live more fully. So it could be, like I said before, it could be saying no to something that drains you. It could be taking your lunch outside. It could be laughing even when it feels silly, or it simply could be forgiving yourself for how long you've been in survival mode for. You don't need a full plan to begin, just permission. So that permission actually starts with you. You need to get rid of that saying in your brain, saying busy is important. Busy is a badge of honor. It's not. On your deathbed, you won't be thankful that you've been busy, I can guarantee. But the connections you make with people and the service you have from others probably will. So, what does living fully look like? What does success look like? Imagine waking up without dread. Imagine feeling grounded instead of guarded. You start to notice the small joys again, your morning light, your child's laughter, the the way a song can lift you. You find yourself responding to life and not reacting to it. That's a big one. And this is what happens when your body and your brain and heart, they all align or they realign. And this is called the chemistry of calm. That the gap begins to close, and it's the place you find presence and find peace, and you actually find you. Now, look, over the past eight episodes, we've explored everything from anxiety and burnout to connection, resilience, and self-compassion, and you've learned how your brain protects you, how your body speaks for emotion, and how healing is less about fixing and more about remembering who you actually are. And look, if you've walked this season with me, thank you. I really want to thank you for joining me on the podcast. And you've done something powerful. You've chosen awareness over avoidance. You've proven that it's possible to move from chaos to clarity and from surviving to living. So, look, as we close season one, take this moment to pause. Inhale deeply, exhale slowly. You are no longer running from your life. You're living it fully, bravely, beautifully. And look, I can't wait to walk with you in season two. And before I go, as you know, three general prompts. I'm not going to let you go without doing a little general prompts because what gets measured improves. Number one, what are the signs that I'm living in survival mode? Write them down. Number two, what small daily habit helps me feel most alive? And number three, what would my life look like if I lived from peace instead of pressure? Again, thank you for joining me for season one of GW Unspoken. If these episodes have helped you, share them, replay them, or simply sit with them. Because growth doesn't happen in the noise, it actually happens in the pause. And until next time, remember this you're not just getting through anymore, you're living fully. And that's where real freedom begins.