Break Bad Habits, Not Yourself

Tired of wrestling with your own habits and losing by Wednesday? We’re pulling back the curtain on a kinder, smarter approach that helps you break the pattern without breaking yourself. Instead of blaming willpower, we look at how the brain actually builds habits—through cues, cravings, responses and rewards—and why “just stop” makes change harder, not easier.

Across this conversation, we share practical frameworks inspired by James Clear’s Atomic Habits and Peter Hollins’ Neuro Habits, then translate them into everyday moves you can use right away. You’ll learn why you don’t delete habits, you replace them, and how to turn biology into an ally with tiny, repeatable swaps. We dig into environment design—moving chargers across the room, putting fruit in sight, laying out your runners the night before—so the good choice becomes the easy choice when your 9 pm brain is on 2 percent battery. We also tackle the real blocker: shame. Stress pushes you back into old loops, so we trade punishment for calm strategy and self-compassion that keeps your nervous system in learning mode.

We go smaller than feels impressive, because a 1 percent upgrade you can repeat beats a 100 percent overhaul that crashes by Friday. You’ll hear simple examples to reduce scrolling, snacking and snap reactions, plus a candid look at how social circles normalise what you do without noticing. To close, we share three prompts to map your toughest habit, pinpoint the emotion that triggers it, tweak your environment, and pick a two percent replacement that actually sticks.

Hit play to rewire your defaults and design a week you don’t need to escape. If this helped, follow the show, share it with a friend who’s stuck in a loop, and leave a quick review with the one tiny change you’ll start today.

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Transcript

Rethinking Bad Habits

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken where we discuss stuff we don't typically talk about but probably should, and we're here with season two, episode seven, talking about breaking bad habits without breaking yourself. And look, oh gosh. It's a hard one, isn't it? This is a big one because it hits all of us. Breaking bad habits without breaking yourself is just well, it feels like we're breaking ourselves, doesn't it? Because let's be honest, most people don't fail at habits because they're weak. They fail because they, I suppose, go to war with themselves. They self-sabotage and make themselves feel bad because they don't achieve what they want to do with their habits. And look, you can't win a war against yourself. You just end up tired. So today I'm going to give you a different way. So less shame, more strategy, more brain-based, and hopefully for you, more sustainable. And look, if you're listening to this, you're the hero of this story. You know, you want to feel better, you want to be more consistent, you want to stop doing the things you keep doing. But maybe it's more scrolling, maybe it's snacking, maybe it's procrastination, that's a big one. Maybe it's reacting too fast at people. Oh, that when I'm tired. Maybe it's staying up too late when you know tomorrow's really going to hurt when you do wake up having lack of sleep. And then you do it again. And you have that moment like, why do I keep doing this? And here's the first truth of today bad habits are not a character flaw. They're not. They're actually a brain efficiency program. Your brain loves saving energy, so it builds shortcuts. And habits are shortcuts. So if you've got a habit that's hard to break, it's not because you're hopeless, it's because the pathway is well worn. And that's actually normal. Now look, I'm not coming to you as someone who's perfect. I've had habits I've had to work hard at, and I still have plenty. I've got heaps to do. But two books have really helped me explain this clearly. And they are Atomic Habits by James Clear, and I've spoken about him before. And one I've just read recently at the airport when I was waiting in Singapore because I decided to miss my flight was Neuro Habits by Peter Holland. It's a really, really good book that helps you change the way you think about how you can actually have these habits or change your bad habits. And look, and that's the thing, both point to something that's super freeing, and that's is you don't delete habits, you replace them. Alright? Because your brain hates a vacuum. You know, you you remove one behaviour and your brain will go find something else to regulate with. Alright, so the goal isn't stop, the goal is swap. Alright? So what what's actually happening in your brain? I'll keep it simple. Habits run on a loop. They go from being a cue to a craving to then your response and then your reward. Alright? So for example, the cue is something that triggers you. Alright? The craving is your brain wants relief, comfort, dopamine, escape, whatever it is that you're craving. Alright? Your response is you actually do the behavior, and then the reward, the reward is you feel better, even if it's only for a moment. And that's what usually dopamine does, it makes us feel good for a second. Alright? So over time your brain goes, beautiful, that worked. Let's store that, let's build that neuroplasticity neural pathway. And your worrying keeps repeating that in your brain. Alright? So when you try to just stop, you're finding something that your brain thinks is actually helpful over time. Alright? Even if it's harmful long term. That's why willpower alone feels brutal. There's so many people who say, I'm now going to start an exercise routine and I'm determined this time, I'm going to do it. I'm hate that I'm out of shape. Here I go. And I'll do it for even a week or two, and then they'll stop. Because we know all know it takes, you know, usually about three, or well they say 63 days now to create a habit that actually feels like those newer pathways have burnt through and and you're away. All right. So look, here's the plan. There's there's three shifts I want you to think about. And just, you know, try try these out. And this is not from me, this is from the books, the summaries of the books I've read. So it's it's not Gary's way, believe me. Here's the first one. Shift one, stop judging and start noticing. Before you change anything, just notice. You know, James Clear talks about this really well. He says, make the habit obvious. So ask yourself, when does it happen? Where does it happen? What am I feeling right now before it happens? Because here's a big one. Scrolling isn't usually about your phone, it's about avoiding something. Boredom, stress, overwhelm, loneliness. Right? Snacking isn't about hunger. It's often about regulation. So we're not asking what's wrong with me. We're asking, what is this habit doing for me? And the question changes everything. Alright, here's shift two. Don't rely on willpower. We talked about that before. Change the environment. So Peter Hollins nails this idea perfectly. Alright, he says your environment is either helping you or quietly wrecking you. And your brain follows the path of least resistance. Remember, it's always looking for shortcuts to actually relax. So if the habit or the bad habit is easy, you'll just do it. And if the habit is hard, you won't. So simple fixes work because they reduce friction. For example, put your phone charger across the room. Leave the water bottle on the bench close to you. Put fruit where you can see it. Hide the snacks. Don't display them like trophies. Don't buy them. Alright? Lay your clothes out the night before. Do that ready for a run. It makes me feel guilty. I'm looking down and go, no, yeah, the dog's knocking on the window saying, let's go. I wag the tail hitting the window, but also my clothes are ready to go. Alright? Make the good choice, the easy choice. Make it easy. And wheelpair at 9 p.m. is like an iPhone on 2%. It's not the time to attempt greatness. All right. It's a time to design your life. So you don't need heroics here. Alright, here's a shift three. Go smaller than you think you should. This is one that actually saves people because they actually feel like they've accomplished something straight away. So most people try to change too much too fast. They go, you me, starting Monday, no more bad habits. And Monday arrives and they say, How about nah? Alright, James Clear, whole thing is about tiny improvements. 1% better, not 100% different. So instead of I'll never scroll again, try I'll delay scrolling now for five minutes. Instead of I'll stop reacting, try I'll take one breath before I speak. Instead of I'll never snack, try I'll drink water first and then decide. Alright, small reps, repeat it often, that's how the brain rewires. And people probably get sick of me saying this, but remember the brain is the captain of your ship, it will control everything. So if we can change that rewiring patterns in your brain, you will change your behaviors and then they will become your actions. And then that'll actually help your feelings of going, hey, I actually feel like a winner now because I'm actually achieving not still going back to my old habit loops with maybe things I'm actually not happy about doing. Okay, now this is shame actually makes it worse. So please listen really carefully. This this part really matters. If you attack your habits with shame, you actually increase stress, and stress pushes you straight back into the habit because stress makes the brain crave relief. So if you're stuck in a loop of habit, guilt, stress, habit, that's not like that's not a lack of discipline. That's a nervous system pattern. So the goal is not punishment, the goal is calm strategy. Self-criticism is threat mode, self-compassion is growth mode. You can be accountable without being cruel. And here's another truth: a lot of habits are social. If everyone around you scrolls, you scroll. If everyone snacks, you snack. If everyone reacts, you reacts. So part of habit change is who am I around? What am I exposed to? What am I normalizing? Your environment isn't just your house, it's the people. It's the people you connect with and you surround yourself with. So look, imagine this. You stop calling yourself lazy, you start calling yourself human. You stop trying to inverted comments, be strong, and you start building systems. You stop fighting yourself every day and start designing a life so the better choice is easier. That's the shift. You don't need to be tougher, you need to be smarter. All right, look, before we finish this episode, grab your diary or notes app. Three things. I always like you're writing things down, three prompts. Number one, what habit feels hardest to break right now? And what emotion usually triggers it? Stress, boredom, overwhelm, loneliness. I can tell you personally, mine is food. So if I'm working late and I'm tired and I'm actually craving sugar and salt, which was what happens with our body when we actually know this stuff. Even when you're when you're tired and you're actually hungry, you crave sugar and salt. So I'll look for chips or I'll look for a junk food or something that'll actually satisfy my brain and later on go, why? If I'm running in the morning, that's just cancel each other. Why would I do that? Alright. So what feels hardest for you to break right now and what emotion usually triggers it? Mine's tiredness, what is yours? All right. I know even when I used to go fishing, boredom, if you're not catching fish, bang into the eskey and into the food. Alright? What's one small environmental change that you could make this week to make the habit or the bad habit harder and the good habit easier? Alright? Could it be tricking yourself by no junk food in the house, which would be hard up front? It'll take courage, and just have fruit that you like, have a sweet taste, and it might get rid of that that pang or that hunger pangs, or you're starving or thinking you need those things. And number three, if you replace this habit with just one thing that's two percent better, what would that replacement look like? What is the thing that's triggering you right now that you think I'd love to change? I've tried, I've tried willpower, but it's not working. But write down because when you name it, you tame it, and then you change it. Alright, look, next episode in this healthy habits and lifestyle design series is talking about designing a life you don't need a holiday from. And so we're going to talk about why burnout isn't always about work, it's often about design, how to build daily rhythms from recovery, you know, you as you live, environment, boundaries, default habits, and stress-proofing your week. And look, how to stop living from weekends and start living with more through the midweek. I had a guy once say to me that um he was asking me, saying, What are you looking forward to the most? I said, Oh, looking forward to Friday, you know, footy's on, I just can relax and I can stop working that. He goes, Oh, you're in the Thank God It's Friday Club. I said, What do you mean? He goes, Well, you look forward every single Friday. I said, Yeah, he goes, Well, you look, that means you're looking forward every single week. Once a week, you're looking forward to that. Yeah? Well, you're looking forward to every week, you're looking forward every month or every year. He said, You may as well end it now, mate. You're only looking forward to one one day a week. It's it's crazy. And I went, Oh my gosh. He said, You should be trying to make every single day the almost because you like my wife said, you don't get the day back. And that's really hard when we're setting those habits, even our patterns of habits, of saying, Yeah, but it's work and I hate work or I don't want to go work or I'd be doing other things, right? How can we make our habits different in our thoughts to make sure we can actually enjoy the day? Because look, the goal isn't to escape your life, the goal is to build one you can actually breathe inside. And look, thanks for coming on GW Unspoken. Remember, you are not your habits. You're the builder of your systems. Break the pattern, not yourself. Catch you next time.