The School Drop-Off Moment That Reveals Our Attention Crisis

A quick glance at a phone can cost more than we think. From a library studio in North Lakes, we unpack a school drop-off scene that stuck with us: two kids asking for their dad’s attention while he stays glued to texting and laughing on a screen. It’s ordinary, it’s everywhere, and it raises a hard question about parenting, presence, and what we’re teaching by example.

We pull that moment apart from a practical, human angle: what “half-listening” communicates to kids, partners, friends, and colleagues, and why it can quietly damage family connection over time. We talk about active listening as a social-emotional skill, the myth of multitasking, and how attention is one of the clearest ways we show value. There’s also a simple neuroscience lens here, including why connection can trigger feel-good bonding chemistry like oxytocin, and why devices can hijack our focus with effortless dopamine hits.

You’ll leave with specific ways to build digital wellbeing without being preachy: keep phones off the table, remove the constant “maybe I’ll be interrupted” signal, and practise eye contact, paraphrasing, and empathy even when your mind wanders. We finish with three journalling prompts to help you spot your patterns and pick one change you can actually stick to this week.

If this resonated, subscribe, share it with a parent or partner, and leave a review so more people find the conversation. What’s one moment today where you can choose presence over your screen?

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Transcript

The School Drop-Off Wake-Up Call

What Distraction Communicates To Others

Listening As A Relationship Skill

Simple Phone Rules For Presence

Three Journal Prompts And Closing

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Well, welcome to another edition of GW Unspoken where we discuss stuff we don't typically talk about but probably should. Coming to you here from the library at North Lakes, beautiful, beautiful digital studio here. You can book it for free and utilize their resources. I've got a lot of road equipment here. I'm not sponsored by road, but it's good gear. Um, but more importantly, here just have a quick chat about the connection. How are we going? How are we going with our connections out there with our families, our friends, our acquaintances, maybe our enemies? Sometimes we connect better with them, maybe not in the right positive way. But look, I've got a bit of a gripe. I remember I dropped the girls off to school probably about a month ago now, and I was having a bit of a chat and a laugh, and obviously being very immature as a damn as a 50-year-old father in the car before they went to school. And unfortunately at the moment they're finding school boring, as a lot of people are. And we're just laughing and joking about that. And I looked across probably about three car parks down. There was vacant car parks between me and that next car. And I said to the girls, hey, have a look at this. And as you have a look, there was a look at the father, male figure on the phone, texting, laughing, and probably I'm guessing around a five-year-old young boy and probably about an eight-year-old, around that age, young girl. And you'd hear them saying, Daddy, daddy, daddy, and just craving attention. And all this guy was doing was on his phone, car was parked, texting and laughing, and they were about to go to school. He had that prime moment before he wouldn't see his kids for at least six hours, and that's if he was working later or if he was working at all. I'm not sure, but you know, school typically around five or six hours. And I was just going, what an opportunity to actually connect with your kids who's actually craving your attention, like that human connection that we seem to be losing a lot. And I'm not going to go on about social media and gaming and the dopamine that it gives us and all that stuff, because I know I do that a lot, but it was just a moment where you can think you're not going to get this day's little connection back, this little morning where these kids want to talk to your dad. Like you're about to go, they're about to go, but they want to chat to you, they actually want to be in your space. And it was just really disappointing. It was, it was even as a father looking in that, it was like, how many times have I maybe worked or been on my computer and ignored and not even being a nut like maybe it's unconscious that I've ignored the girls at that time. And I was hoping to think that it hasn't happened that very often because I looked at it and it was really, really sad. It was disappointing. It was oh, I just felt these kids were crushed because their father was not giving them attention. And a lot of times kids just want that attention from you know, that parental figure, the one who who invests in the most, who loves them the most. And so I was really disappointed. And I guess the thing that really shattered me was the girl jumped off, went to school. Bye daddy, bye daddy, and he gave the token kiss and straight back on his phone, didn't say have a good day, whatever. It was just back on his phone. She ran off and went to class or went to the school grounds. And then the son, the youngest, younger sibling was, hey dad, hey dad, hey dad. And dad was oh yeah, uh, yeah, and not even taking his face off the screen. And I'm not talking, I I can guarantee 95% it was not business. It was nothing like that. It was he was just smiling and laughing and and texting. So I don't know the importance of it. And for those people who are judging me about this now, it's what is more important? Like whatever was on that phone, was that more important than saying goodbye to your kids for that last couple of minutes before they went through that school gate and he didn't see them for another six hours? And this kid was saying, Daddy, daddy, daddy, eventually he goes, I gotta go, I'm going to. And we again on the screen, okay, bye, bye, see out. And didn't even look up. His head did not even look up from the phone that was beneath the steering wheel. And he ran off, gave him dad a kiss in cheek, ran around, gave him a kiss in cheek, and then ran off. And then he'd forgotten something, so he ran back. Day, dad, date, and again, yeah, yep. And he was saying again, yep, yep, not even looking into the child's eyes or noticing him non-verbally as well. And it was, oh my god, it was just so crushing. And I just, I just want us to be aware. I just want us to be aware of that. We have rules around phones and phone use or get frustrated with our teens or or even our kids now, younger kids now being on technology. And uh, how many times do we do it? Like often it's monkey see monkey do right. So we might say or preach something, but if we're doing it the same, that value in that relationship from that child will go down, even if it's subconsciously. It's it's saying that I'm not important enough, it's saying that I'm not worth listening to. And you again you might be seeing again, that's too critical, Gary, but it's it's true. If you actually sit with somebody and they're not actively listening to you and they're distracted by looking around you or looking at their phone or can easily be distracted by anything, that's a lack of value. And listening is one of the most important things. If you listen to remember and not listen to just have your turn talking, that is a massive social-emotional skill that is actually dying in this day and age. Try it. Your friendship circles can improve dramatically if you just listen and remember and show authentic value in what they're saying. Not listen to talk and have your rebuttal or your ideas or your similarities. How many times out there are you listening to your colleagues? How many times are you listening to your significant other if there's a significant other in your life? Your even if your kids. Friends, how many times are you actually actively listening to there? How many times have you been on a phone to somebody and you're still working? I reckon that'd be a lot of people that are still working, especially from home or on their laptops and taking phone calls and still working. And they've actually proven that you you can't multitask and give undivided attention to two or more parties. It's it's actually proven you can't do that. Alright? I I listen to a lot of audiobooks and a lot of times I'll go, what was that last half chapter this about? I was focusing on the traffic or what was I doing for the day rather than actually listening to what the words were. And that's why reading a book is so much more powerful because you're undivided, you have to read the text to actually stay focused. So what is what is your focus? What is your focus with that relationship? Because I'm saying now, one of the most important things in relationships, in social, emotional well-being, is actually showing value to somebody else. And from that value, what's the kickback to you? Well, you might learn something different from them. You might actually be interested in what they're saying. And you know what? If you're not interested, you're actually working on your listening skills. It makes you a better person. It makes you well a more well-rounded person by the skills you actually attribute to that situational context. So look, it's just a little gripe. It's a gripe of seeing that crushed as of another father, looking at that. These little voices who, you know, relationships change as kids go through that childhood through their teens. You've got young kids who actually want your attention as starving your attention. And they're getting starved by the lack of attention because of the device. And the end dopamine they're getting from that device. So have a look at yourself, have a look at your situation, how's it going? Be mindful. Try next time when you go to the dinner table or you go out for a lunch or wherever you might be going, have the phone off the table. Don't have it there. Even a phone on the table is now showing some kind of disrespect that you could actually be distracted and not focus on the conversation at hand. And I'm not talking about having phones on the table face down, I'm talking about having them away. Not on vibrate away so there's no distraction. Be in the moment, be in the present. Alright? So here's here's three ideas now for the journal. Number one, when was the last time you actually were in a conversation when you knew you were distracted? Like, write that down. Write down how long ago was it? Who was it with? Okay, number two, if you were that other person, if you were that other person in that conversation, how would that have made you feel if you knew that you weren't getting that whole attention? So, for example, I'm talking to you right now, you might be doing something completely different. How would it make make me feel? So, how would it actually make that person feel if you weren't focused on them and then them talking to you? All right, and number three, what's one thing you can do this week that will help your skills in listening, showing empathy and having undivided attention in those conversations that you have? Because I'm telling you now, it is worthwhile. It is a hormone in our body gets released called oxytocin, the feel-good hormone that we have when we're in discussions or in comfort or around somebody else who we're actually conversing with. And, you know, subconsciously in your brain, or even consciously in your brain, if you realize that the conversation is not exciting for you or you're losing focus, acknowledge that. A bit like mindfulness, actually acknowledge that and go, Yep, okay, I am struggling to focus right now, but I'm going to do my best to give eye contact, smile and nod, listen, paraphrase, empathize what they're saying, and then leave that meeting or that discussion or that conversation, knowing that you are the better person that and you actually have grown your skills even through persistence. Look, I'm Gary, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the show. Please write in. It's great hearing people in the network actually coming in and talking about certain things they want me to start discuss or address, especially from a neuroscience lens, and I'm definitely not the magic, it's based on research. But look, this one was just about what I saw. It's an everyday conversation. You probably see it every day of the week. Just be mindful. How are you acting and reacting around the ones you love? I look forward to your coming next time.