Let Them: What is this theory?

In this episode we dive deep into the transformative "Let Them Theory" and its life-changing impact. Join Randi Owsley, LMSW, and Jessica Bullwinkle, LMFT—two renowned voices with over two decades of dedication in the realm of women's mental health—as they unfurl the essence of self-care, unveil groundbreaking female emotional wellness strategies, and the art of boundary setting. 

Diving into the "Let Them Theory," you aren't just absorbing new information; you're gifting yourself an invitation to a world where emotional autonomy empowerment. At the Women's Mental Health Podcast, our collective heartbeat thrums with the resilient women who adopt the 'Let Them' approach—those who stand tall in the throes of life's storms. It's more than a concept; it's the women self-growth adventure that you deserve. 

In the upcoming episodes of our podcast, we are delving into the profound depths of psychological freedom, exploring the empowering "Let Them Theory" alongside practical coping mechanisms designed to nurture personal happiness and fortify emotional resilience. 

FAQ
What exactly is the "Let Them" Theory?
Who developed the "Let Them" Theory?
How can the "Let Them" Theory benefit mental health?
Is the "Let Them" Theory backed by scientific research?
How do I start implementing the "Let Them" Theory in my daily life?
Where can I learn more about the "Let Them" Theory?

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Transcript

Randi: 0:14

Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast. I'm randy. I'm And I'm Jess. And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges. And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone. Today we're diving into a mindset shift that has been taking the personal development world by storm. It's called the let them theory. The concept is simple yet so powerful. If you've ever felt drained, trying to, if you've ever felt drained, trying to control or fix everything and everyone around you, This episode is for you.

Jess: 0:50

Find us and more information at womensmentalhealthpodcast. com. So have you ever had these thoughts?

Randi: 0:58

What exactly is the let them theory?

Jess: 1:00

Who developed this let them theory?

Randi: 1:03

How can this theory benefit our mental health?

Jess: 1:07

Can it improve relationships?

Randi: 1:10

Is the Let Them Theory backed by scientific research?

Jess: 1:13

How do I start implementing the Let Them Theory into my daily life?

Randi: 1:17

What are common challenges that I might run into when trying to practice the step by steps of the Let Them Theory?

Jess: 1:24

Are there any risks that I might have when I actually try to practice this let them theory?

Randi: 1:30

And how can this theory help in the workplace environments or maybe with family and relationships or school or wherever it is, burnout,

Jess: 1:39

burnout, right? Exactly. And where can I learn more about this? Let them theory besides on our podcast or on our website, womensmentalhealthpodcast. com.

Randi: 1:49

Okay, let's start by defining It, the let them theory is all about releasing control over others actions and choices. It encourages you to let people do what they want, even if it does not align with what you think they should do.

Jess: 2:06

And that's the hard part right there, What we're talking about really is having your own boundaries and allowing other people to make their own decisions. And as moms, it is hard sometimes because we see our kiddos and we're like, that's not what you should be doing. You're doing the wrong thing even with

Randi: 2:22

a partner or spouse or they're doing the wrong thing. Yeah,

Jess: 2:26

they usually are doing the wrong thing. They're doing the wrong thing. I've said this in therapy all the time, is that sometimes you have to let them know. And that is so hard because whether they fail or pass, it is their decision and they have to own it. And you have to let it happen that's how I learn.

Randi: 2:46

Yeah. And you have to not feel guilt over doing that either, which I think is, the hard part of this. It's not only letting them, but it's letting go of the expectations and the feelings around it.

Jess: 2:58

the idea behind all this is if somebody wants to leave, let them. If somebody wants to say no, let them. If somebody wants to make a decision you don't agree with, let them. Let them.

Randi: 3:10

Yeah. So it's not about giving up or being passive. It's about recognizing that we cannot control other people and trying to do so leads to unnecessary stress, unnecessary emotional conflict. It's just hot mess when you try to control everything and everyone around you and it's really draining.

Jess: 3:34

Even if you're like, I know how to do that and I can do it really fast, this isn't about you. This is about letting them figure out if that's what they want to do. Because sometimes people don't want to do it your way or the right way I'm air quoting.

Randi: 3:47

Well, and we've talked about this too before is we have let our kids fail forward because I feel like you really only learn in life when you do fail and you learn to pick yourself up. and make those changes that you need to. And unless you've done that yourself, you don't really have those tools to do that.

Jess: 4:08

Exactly. And we don't always present the tools to people in a way that they can see it and be able to use it or

Randi: 4:14

understand and process it. think differently. We all understand things totally differently.

Jess: 4:21

Yeah, it's like handing in this weird wrench and then going, here you go, and not telling them how to use it or where it goes. It's just this weird part of a toolbox that you have to know how to use it. So why is it called the Let Them Theory then?

Randi: 4:33

It's called the Let Them Theory because it's really emphasizing, granting others the freedom to make their own choices, letting them be who they are, Even if it's challenging your expectations, your feelings, your wants, or your desires. This phrase, let them is empowering because it shifts the focus away from what others are doing and back to what you can control. So it's just like you're taking that weight off of your shoulders and being like, okay, I'm just letting them do that.

Jess: 5:03

If you've ever been in therapy, that's what a therapist will say is you can only control your own reactions and your own body. boundaries. And that's it. The only thing you can control is yourself.

Randi: 5:14

essentially what it breaks down to is it's about accepting that other people's decisions are not a reflection of your worth or your role in their life. It is. That's huge. It does not diminish that you're a mother or a spouse or a friend or a co worker. They're on their own journey that you have no understanding about. Or control over. Or control over. They might be the most selfish person or they might just have blinders on, or they might be dealing with trauma. We do not even know what encompasses somebody's whole world and what they're walking through, so how can we control that?

Jess: 5:53

We can even put this to things like internet trolls. If somebody wants to love, I don't know, whatever political party, let them. Yeah. They can love it. You don't have to argue with them that they're wrong. You are allowed to like yours. They're allowed to like theirs. And that is such a great thing because sometimes we get so wrapped up into you're wrong. What if we just let everybody do what they wanted to do and believe what they wanted to believe? I thought that's what we were doing.

Randi: 6:20

This is empowering in a way that it just makes you feel like secure in yourself, because if you're not worried about what everybody's thinking or what they're doing, like you're not having FOMO, like maybe your friends, aren't inviting you to this event or that thing, or you feel like you're being excluded. Just Whatever, let them.

Jess: 6:39

Yeah, let them exclude you. Maybe you don't want to go anyway, or maybe you do and you find something else to do. If they're going to exclude you, go find people to hang out with that are going to include you. when we talk about this in our podcast for women's mental health, It is really important because as moms and as women, we are often socialized to take on the role of caregivers and fixers and peacemakers, especially that peacemaker part.

Randi: 7:05

we, We overextend ourselves constantly as women and we put ourselves on the back burner again and again because we are trying to manage other people's emotions. We're trying to solve their problems. We're trying to keep everything running smoothly. We're trying to work. We're trying to keep a calendar. We're trying to keep the sporting events going like on and on and on. It's exhausting and it is not sustainable. So in theory, this offers a way for you to break the cycle.

Jess: 7:35

Oh, and every time we learn how to break the cycle, we break that cycle for our generations below us. We learn a little bit, we teach our children more, and hopefully eventually we're going to break this cycle entirely, because we don't need to control everybody and everything. thing.

Randi: 7:54

Yep, and when you focus on yourself and what you can control and narrow your focus down like that and focus on your well being and your mental health, without feeling responsible it allows you to focus on what you control your own well being, your own health, your own mental health, your own life, without feeling responsible for everybody else.

Jess: 8:16

this isn't just in your personal relationships. This can be applied to your work, your friends, how you engage with your neighbors, how you engage with. Social media or cultural or political expectations because there's a part of us that we have gotten so involved in everybody else's business, We make jokes and we call it, is it Susan? Is it Susan? The one that everybody was making fun of because she called the cops on somebody having a picnic? Karen. Karen! Oh, God, Susan. Where did I get Susan? I'm like, where's I don't know. Who's Susan? Oh, you know what it is? Because people call it a lazy Susan. And I'm like, why does Susan, why can't it be like a lazy Stan? Oh, yeah. Okay, sorry. That's where that came from. Okay. So let's talk first about how do we do this, how we're going to shift our mindset to not be in everybody's business.

Randi: 9:01

So you said it, we're going to shift our mindset. So that's the first step is to reframe how you see the control that you have, instead of viewing it as your responsibility and that you have to do this and other people are going to fail without this. you have to let it go and know that it's not your responsibility to guide others. You have to recognize that everybody is on their own journey.

Jess: 9:28

They are and that is okay. This reminds me of that butterfly poem. If you love them set them free and if they come back They're yours. Yeah, I mean it reminds butterfly

Randi: 9:37

or a bird? You're

Jess: 9:39

just gonna make fun of me the whole podcast, aren't you? I thought it was a butterfly But either way if you release your bird and your bird comes back and it's yours, then great. Maybe it was a home approach

Randi: 9:50

But whatever Just anybody let them go and They'll be free in a, it's meant to be, it's meant to be or that one, whatever. You let your

Jess: 9:57

zombie go,

Randi: 9:57

but it comes back. It's the same thing. There's so many things. This is popular right now because Mel Robbins has made this into a book, but it is not a new theory. It is something that has been around like, for ages and ages. It's the basis of it is making boundaries and putting yourself first, putting your wellbeing first.

Jess: 10:15

Putting up boundaries. And I love how we just say, let them though, because right, let them. Who cares? It's like my grandma says, fuck him. It's the same thing. Fuck him.

Randi: 10:24

But that goes into the second step, which is focus on your own boundaries. Don't worry about other people's boundaries too. This doesn't mean that you have to accept bad behavior or you have to accept people disrespecting you or your boundaries.

Jess: 10:39

That's hard though, right? Yes, you don't have to that. But it's hard when we start going, well, they don't agree with me. So that's disrespecting me. No, there is a fine line. If they're calling you an asshole, because you don't agree with them, that's disrespectful. But if they're saying, I don't agree with you, that is not disrespectful. And so that's why I think where everything gets blurred in our country or in our culture.

Randi: 11:04

Well, I think a lot of times we think with our emotions, and we don't take the emotions out of it. And logically, usually people aren't intending for it to target you a certain way. But sometimes we read it that way, or hear it a certain way or hear a tone and it triggers us. So being also like consciously aware of those things and how they impact you. And really, just letting them Keep their tone and their bad attitude over there.

Jess: 11:32

That's true. You put up your boundary and you say let them. If they want to be rude, let them. Again, we've talked about boundaries in our other podcast. You can go back and listen to boundaries, but boundaries are about what you will and will not tolerate, not about controlling others. I will not tolerate being treated this way. I will not tolerate. tolerate, somebody talking to me this way, whatever it is, but I can't control them, but I can say, I'm not going to have a conversation with you anymore. If you want to do that, that's fine. However, it won't be with me.

Randi: 12:02

for example, so a friend is always counseling on you. But then if you're constantly making plans with them over and over again, who's the fool? Huh? I said, who's the fool? Yeah, exactly. So it's like, you're enabling that behavior. Just let them cancel on you and stop making plans with them. That's my attitude now. I used to like, chase people and be like, Oh, I feel bad. I know they're busy or this or the other and I'll keep trying to like, reconnect and reconnect and reconnect. Finally, I was just like, whatever. They don't care as much as I do. I had to let go. Well,

Jess: 12:36

it's not that they don't care as

Randi: 12:38

much as you do. They, for

Jess: 12:39

whatever reason, can't show up, they can't follow through, whatever it is, let them.

Randi: 12:44

Yeah, their priorities, are different, probably like my priority. One of my priorities has always been, friendships. And for other people, maybe their career came first or their relationship or they didn't know how to balance it. And I've learned that now that I'm older, but it was hard to see. When I was younger and let go of that.

Jess: 13:03

Exactly. We have friends that are like, let's meet up somewhere. And we used to get ready and they'd say, Oh, we can't make it. Okay, cool. Then we said, okay, why don't we just come to our house and we'll cook? Well, we had so much damn food one night because they said we're not coming. So the next time we were like. Sure, you can come. We didn't get dressed. We didn't make food, We were like, I'll just order something if they show up. Yeah, I can just you know, uber something and guess what? They didn't show up. Yeah, and so my husband's like aren't you glad I'm like, oh totally I wasn't planning on I'm actually coming I just I knew this was going to happen. Now. Have I done something since? Absolutely, not Because I'm like,

Randi: 13:37

Another step is to practice emotional detachment.

Jess: 13:42

That's hard. When I talk to people about learning to detach with love. Or practicing emotional detachment. They don't even know what that concept is. That is a great podcast idea because we have no clue what that means or how to do it.

Randi: 13:55

Well, and I think too, this is also something else that we should talk more in depth about, but a lot of people that have a hard time with this, letting go and letting them theory have anxious. Attachment.

Jess: 14:08

Oh,

Randi: 14:09

Style and their relationship. So it's very hard because, they've had some type of trauma and they're very anxious over letting go of people or not being in control.

Jess: 14:18

But let's talk real quick. Let's go back. I know we're like, ooh, future podcast, future podcast. But let's go back and talk about emotional detachment. It doesn't mean you have to be mean or cold or, I don't give a fucking different. Mm hmm. It means not tying Your emotional state to somebody else's actions and that right there is part of codependency as well

Randi: 14:40

And when you think about it, it's healthy to do that because you're allowing them You're caring enough to step back and allow them to find their own footing and what they're doing

Jess: 14:50

It's if your child is in a bad mood and it's so hard because when they're in a bad mood They take it out on you. It's hard to not put you in a bad mood, and so But I was in a great mood just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean I have to be in a bad mood. I'm gonna go in a different room and I'm gonna let you be however you want to be. Yeah. Let them. And so that's what we're talking about is detaching them. Letting someone go through their own struggles or make their own mistakes can feel so difficult, especially for us fixers who know the right answer. I'm air quoting again. Especially when you care about them, that's the hard part. When you love them. And you have to make decisions that are going to, Randy and I were talking about something before the podcast, it's we know what the answers are, but man, it's going to suck for

Randi: 15:35

everybody. Yeah, and sometimes though, it's that hard love.

Jess: 15:39

Oh, tough love.

Randi: 15:40

Oh, I hate that tough love. The tough love that's really the best and this also makes me think of like the addiction cycle and how, Many times people fail again and again and again and they relapse over and over and over again and people don't understand that that's part of the healing process and when We are working on this like with ourselves too and learning to let go it's not gonna happen overnight

Jess: 16:52

No, it's not It's what they need to grow. If we let them fail, we let them succeed, we let them do whatever it is that they want to do, that's great. That's what they need to grow.

Randi: 17:05

The more that we practice this too, the easier it becomes, but just being kind to yourself, knowing that change takes time, especially when you are unlearning such deeply ingrained patterns that we are really emotionally attached to too, even if sometimes they're negative. But if you start seeing like those baby steps and seeing okay, I'm having, this is giving me like a breath of air, like letting these people do what they need to do and focus on themselves. And I'm focusing on myself. Then you keep moving forward with it and it just gets better and better. And that's an easy way to normalize the process.

Jess: 17:40

Exactly. It's like when you have an unhealthy relationship with food and you learn how to have a healthy relationship, it doesn't mean that one day you're not going to go, Ooh, there's some fudge, I'm gonna eat that. And you don't need to beat yourself up for the bite or two that you had. But you also don't know that you no longer need to eat the entire box. And you can move on and that's okay. So you don't have to beat yourself up, just catch yourself where you are. And go, Oh, hang on, I need to stop. I even put my hand up. I have to stop. Let me change this. Let me let them do their thing.

Randi: 18:11

So let's talk about some more real life examples. Okay. So imagine your partner wants to spend a weekend with their friends. Instead of with you. I would love that. I'm kidding. Me too. But when you were younger, this might be like the end of the world. So instead of trying to guilt them into staying, you let them, you let them go on the boy's trip. You let them go on the girl's trip. You let them

Jess: 18:37

go hunting or fishing or on their

Randi: 18:39

video game caveman thing, whatever that looks like. And you use the time to do something you love. Like spending their money. Or spending your own money. Or spending your own money. Complain about it. Exactly. Crafting or reading books all weekend in your pajamas. Whatever that looks like. God, we

Jess: 18:56

sound bitter.

Randi: 18:56

We're really not bitter. We're just joking. So what's another example?

Jess: 19:00

Okay let's do a work one. So let's say your co worker decides to take on a risky project that you think is a bad idea. That you're like, that's gonna fail. You shouldn't do that. We're not ready for it. Whatever. Instead of stepping in to save them, you let them and focus on your own crap. You have your own projects and when they're like, Oh, I don't know what I'm doing, let them figure that out and don't figure it out for them unless they're saying, I would like to collaborate with you and can you help me with this? You can decide yes or no if you have time. This wasn't your project and it wasn't your idea and it's also not your job to save them.

Randi: 19:39

Say that again. It's not your job to save them.

Jess: 19:41

It is not your job to save them.

Randi: 19:44

these moments Might make you feel uncomfortable. I mean they probably 99. 9 percent will make you feel uncomfortable.

Jess: 19:51

I preach this all the time, but it's still uncomfortable. It's very hard

Randi: 19:55

I feel like to do with like your kids and close, Family members and friends and people that you have any type of and enmeshed relationship with it's very hard but Trust the process and trust yourself.

Jess: 20:07

Yeah, when the douche bag in front of you is gonna cut you off and merge into you

Randi: 20:11

Let them let them and

Jess: 20:13

let that finger fly. That's what I know. No, no, no, no, sometimes Just let that no, that's true. But just let them in and whatever, we all have somewhere to get to what's the big deal? Okay, so now let's go through and let's answer our have you evers. Randi, what exactly is the let them theory?

Randi: 20:32

So it is a psychological approach encouraging individuals to focus on their own actions and emotions rather than trying to control or worry about others. It's letting go of our expectations of how people should react and focusing on our own path to emotional well being. So just staying out of the drama. Let them have their own drama. Let them have their own, get togethers. Let them have their own hot messes and you just do you.

Jess: 20:59

I don't know about y'all's moms, but my mom has been telling me that since I was a kid. Let them do that. If they were going to jump off a bridge, would you just let them jump off the bridge and you go do something different. You keep walking by. You keep walking. It is none of your business. You do not have to follow them. This is what our moms used to tell us way back in the. Mid century.

Randi: 21:15

Yeah. Back in the 18 1800s? 1800s, as my kid says I'm from. So Jess, who developed the Let Them Theory?

Jess: 21:23

This has been really popularized by several people, but most recently by Mel Robbins. I know she came up with it during one of her social On Instagram. Yeah, it was Instagram back in 23 or something. She heard

Randi: 21:36

about the theory and she was talking about it on Instagram and it got really popular she's already like a Self help. I like

Jess: 21:44

her. I really do

Randi: 21:45

So she's written I think five other books or something.

Jess: 21:49

I like to listen to my books So she actually will go through and she talks and reads her books too. Just like bernet does And so I like her. She's a very strong woman. Yeah, she's

Randi: 21:59

had several TED talks, she does motivational speaking. And so she discussed the theory and technique to really help people work on their well being in their life. And her book just came out.

Jess: 22:12

Yeah, came out end of December. And honestly, I've been recommending it because I'm going a lot of people have a hard time with boundaries. And This is another way with some practical tips on how to create your boundaries. Step by step. Exactly. I also think it goes back to that whole Marie Antoinette, let them eat cake. Yeah. Let them, let them eat cake. Fuck them. It goes back to my grandma's, fuck

Randi: 22:32

them. So how does this theory benefit mental health?

Jess: 22:36

If you're able to change some of your thought process and work on adopting the let them theory, you're going to be able to reduce stress and anxiety that comes from trying to manage or predict other people's actions. And that's the thing. So many of us try to go down that future us and predict what people are going to do. And I can't predict what someone's going to do. They

Randi: 23:00

can't even with all the giant computer AI. Machines, they still cannot predict. behavior.

Jess: 23:09

We do it all the time. Well, if I do this and this is what's going to happen and da, da, da, da, da.

Randi: 23:13

Everything is based off of theories or what we think, what we think should work or what most likely works for most people. But as we talk about everybody is not most people and we are all vastly, vastly different.

Jess: 23:30

And all of us are continually, hopefully learning and growing and changing to our environments and what's going on. Hey, Randy. Can the LetThemTheory improve relationships?

Randi: 23:40

Absolutely, anything where you set boundaries and work on yourself is going to help you improve your relationships, whether those are co workers, friends, family, spouse. When you stop trying to control others and accept people as they are, it leads to healthier relationships and more harmony. Honest and open relationships because it encourages really genuine connection based on Respecting individuals like differences and maybe trusting. Yeah, I'm trusting. Yeah,

Jess: 24:13

so I was thinking It's like when people try to make that you see it on TV or in person people try to make a seating chart for a wedding like a dinner and they're saying, Oh, well, Uncle Jim can't go sit next to this person because then they're going to fight over politics. And this person can't sit next to this person because, well, they don't like this person. That is so much drama. That is not even your problem. If they can't behave themselves at your wedding, then maybe they should decide not to go. Yeah. Let

Randi: 24:38

them. Exactly.

Jess: 24:40

I like that. That's exactly what I just pictured when you're talking about that.

Randi: 24:43

So is the let them theory backed by scientific research?

Jess: 24:48

I'm not real sure about the scientific research behind it. I'll be honest. I know there's no okay. I was trying to be nice. I know that there might be some principles behind it. There are

Randi: 24:59

some there is one principle from the 50s. That it's a loosely based on,

Jess: 25:08

well, but part of this is if we let go of control, focus on self regulation, that stuff is supported by psychological research, right? When we can let go of control, focus on our own selves, that has been proved that we can reduce stress and emotional, and increase our emotional regulation. And so is the let them think theory actually studied yet? No, but everything that kind of backs this up has been studied.

Randi: 25:34

So it's loosely based off of the theory developed by Juliana Rotter, which is the locus of control, which is like how you have control over The outcome of your life, but you solely, not all these other points of interest.

Jess: 25:51

Yeah. And if you add that with self regulation and stress reduction and self emotional regulation, that stuff has been studied. So okay, Randy, how do I start making this in my life and how do I make the changes?

Randi: 26:07

Consciously recognizing moments when you're trying to control or predict others behaviors.

Jess: 26:13

Like a hundred percent of the time, but okay. Yeah,

Randi: 26:15

remind yourself to let them and refocus on how you can positively manage your own response and your own actions.

Jess: 26:25

Ooh, okay, okay, I got an idea. Most of us feel it in our chest when we start feeling anxious or they're not doing it, right? We start feeling like our chest is tight Start paying attention to your body And when your body is having that reaction that you want to change it and do something and it's bothering you I want you to go get your bubbles and I want you to breathe I want you to blow bubbles and breathe and just let them

Randi: 26:50

yeah, create a different pattern for you. Yes

Jess: 26:52

Because when you can start catching yourself sooner, you're going to be able to make those changes sooner. And that is how eventually you're going to be like, cool, you want to do that? Awesome.

Randi: 27:03

So what do you think are challenges that people are going to face when they're trying to practice this let them theory?

Jess: 27:10

I think the biggest one is going to be releasing control, especially if you're used to managing situations or behaviors, because if you've been doing it for so long, it's going to be hard. And this is going to require a lot of patience and a lot of practice to shift that focus back onto yourself. It's the, when you're using your finger and pointing at somebody and making I statements kind of thing. You have to let go of the attachments of the outcomes.

Randi: 27:37

I had to do that recently. I have some family members that work for me, and they're not on the same page as I am, and I had to be like, okay, well, this is what needs to be done, and you don't want to meet me here. So you can choose this path and I can choose this path. And if that's what you want to do, fine, because I've been trying for five years to get you on my

Jess: 27:58

path, and it's not working and it's not

Randi: 28:01

working. And I'm just banging my head against the wall

Jess: 28:04

because you've been enabling this behavior.

Randi: 28:07

I know I'm a enabler.

Jess: 28:10

Well, because you think you're helping,

Randi: 28:12

right?

Jess: 28:13

It's not like you're intentionally saying I'm going to enable and I'm going to mess things up so are there any risks associated with the let them theory?

Randi: 28:19

I'm in with anything. If you misinterpret, what is misinterpret? If you misunderstand, like the theory and you are ignoring. inappropriate behaviors that should be addressed if you are Not listening to yourself and allowing these triggers to happen again and again, it can become worse so it's really crucial to differentiate between letting go of control in a healthy way and totally neglecting a Responsibility and accountability for things in your life like you don't want to be a doormat You know, for other people, and you also

Jess: 29:02

don't want to set people up, right?

Randi: 29:03

It's not let them, beat me up. It's not, let them, financially, abuse my bank account. It's not these things. This is so just letting, small things go.

Jess: 29:14

Yeah. Let small things go and let them start to learn and take control.

Randi: 29:17

So again, how do you think this theory can help in a workplace environment?

Jess: 29:22

I still think this is going to help reduce stress by allowing other individuals to focus on their own contributions and reactions rather than getting overly involved in the workplace dynamics or even conflicts. I always say If we're sitting around a conference table and there is some project that nobody wants to do, and if you're the one that's always going, I'll take it, fine, I'll take it. If you just let them and you'd stay quiet for like another five minutes, somebody else is going to jump in. You don't have to be the one that always jumps up because nobody immediately says anything. Let them. And if nobody jumps up, let whoever asked, let them figure out what to do next. Because otherwise you get all the shitty projects. It's true. Somebody's gonna jump up and then get that one. I don't want it.

Randi: 30:08

Not it.

Jess: 30:09

Not it. All right. Where can I learn more about this theory, Randy?

Randi: 30:13

Look into Mel Robbins books or similar authors who discuss themes of empowerment and self regulation and boundaries. There's online resources. There's more podcasts. There's even workshops, usually locally. We will link what we can on the website. Okay. And just find those practical tips that can help you approach this, and adopt this style in your life if you find that you're struggling with it.

Jess: 30:37

Exactly. Start looking for it. Google it. Go to TikTok. All the young kids are doing it. They know so much more about mental health than us, I swear. Okay, so the let them theory is a really powerful tool for reclaiming your energy and mental well being. It is about releasing the need for control so that you can focus on what really matters in your life, which is your own growth and happiness.

Randi: 31:04

Letting them is not about apathy. It's about acceptance. It's about trusting that others can handle their own lives and that you are enough just the way you are and they're enough just the way that they are.

Jess: 31:18

Wow. That's actually really cool. I like that. I really like that. So thank you for joining us today on the Women's Mental Health Podcast. If this episode spoke to you or you would like to share it with somebody because you think they need to let them as well, share it, like us, and just really just keep listening.

Randi: 31:38

Until next time, take care of yourselves and let them.