Reclaim Your Power: Overcoming Emotional Setbacks

In this episode of Women’s Mental Health Podcast, we explore how emotional setbacks impact confidence, self-worth, and healing for women. Join Randi Owsley, LMSW, and Jessica Bullwinkle, LMFT, two licensed psychotherapists with 23 years of expertise in women’s mental health, as they dive into the steps to rebuild confidence after trauma, heal after emotional pain, and develop resilience—whether from heartbreak, postpartum struggles, ADHD, work struggles or anxiety. If you're feeling lost, alone, or stuck in self-doubt, this episode will provide the coping tools and empowerment strategies you need to reclaim your power. Tune in for expert insights and real-life strategies designed just for you.

Struggling with emotional setbacks can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to face them alone. Whether you're navigating anxiety and self-worth healing for women, working through the challenges of ADHD and emotional resilience, or seeking support from a relationship trauma healing podcast, the right tools can help you move forward. Discover therapy-based coping skills for emotional setbacks to rebuild confidence, heal from past wounds, and regain a sense of self. From building self-esteem after toxic relationships to embracing women’s empowerment through self-care, find the resources and strategies you need to reclaim your strength and thrive.

In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the challenges and triumphs of emotional healing. We’ll explore anxiety and self-worth healing for women, practical strategies for ADHD and emotional resilience, and expert insights from our relationship trauma healing podcast to help you break free from past wounds. Stay tuned for inspiring conversations and actionable advice tailored just for you!

FAQs

What does it mean to ‘reclaim your power’ after an emotional setback?
Is it normal to feel powerless after an emotional setback?
What are the first steps to take when trying to reclaim power?
How can I stop blaming myself for setbacks that are out of my control?
Can journaling help me reclaim my emotional power?
What role do support networks play in reclaiming emotional power?
How do I balance accepting help with maintaining my independence?
What if I feel like I'm not making progress fast enough?
How can setting boundaries assist in regaining emotional power?
How can I use mindfulness to help overcome emotional setbacks?

#WomensMentalHealth #HealingJourney #EmotionalResilience #SelfLoveAfterTrauma #ReclaimYourPower #WomensMentalHealth #EmotionalHealing #OvercomingSetbacks #SelfWorthHealing #TraumaRecoveryJourney #ReclaimYourPower #AnxietySupportForWomen #ADHDAndEmotionalResilience #HealingAfterToxicRelationships #TherapyToolsForHealing #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthMatters #SelfCare #Anxiety #Depression #Mindfulness #SelfLove #Therapy #Healing #EndTheStigma

Transcript

Randi: 0:14

Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast. I'm randy. I'm And I'm Jess. And we are two licensed psychotherapists, and this is a safe space where we talk about mental health, well being, and strategies for coping with life's challenges. And how all of this is normal, and you are not alone. Today we're talking about something that every single one of us has faced at some point in our life, emotional setback, and more importantly, how to reclaim your power after you have them.

Jess: 0:40

This is such an important topic right now because, setbacks are inevitable. I'm, you know, I'm telling my kids this, it's going to happen. We're all going to have setbacks. How we respond to them is going to shape our mental health and overall wellbeing. And Randy, not to call you out, you've had a huge setback lately and how you respond to it and how you address it. This timing is perfect. I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. I was

Randi: 1:01

like, oh, this is for me.

Jess: 1:03

And I didn't even think of it. Even not like intentionally.

Randi: 1:05

Not intentionally, but yeah. But

Jess: 1:06

yeah.

Randi: 1:07

Find us and more at womensmentalhealthpodcast. com.

Jess: 1:11

Let's do our Have You Ever Had These Thoughts.

Randi: 1:14

What does it mean to reclaim your power after an emotional setback?

Jess: 1:18

Is it normal to feel powerless after an emotional setback?

Randi: 1:21

What are the first steps to take when trying to reclaim your power?

Jess: 1:25

How can I stop blaming myself for setbacks that are out of my control?

Randi: 1:29

Can journaling help me reclaim my power?

Jess: 1:32

What role do support networks play in reclaiming my emotional power?

Randi: 1:37

How do I balance accepting health with maintaining my independence? This is hard, and that's really hard for me too, because I don't like asking for help. She doesn't. No. No,

Jess: 1:46

she doesn't. What if I feel like I'm not making progress fast enough? That's a huge one. People are like, I need it now.

Randi: 1:52

How can setting boundaries assist in regaining your emotional power back?

Jess: 1:57

How can I use mindfulness to overcome emotional setbacks?

Randi: 2:00

So let's define what are emotional setbacks.

Jess: 2:05

Let's start with the basics. Emotional setbacks happen when something disrupts your mental or emotional well being. This could be a breakup, losing a job, a fight with a loved one, even moments where you are doubting yourself. It can be anything.

Randi: 2:20

These are moments where you feel knocked off course, like you've lost your footing and you don't know how to move forward.

Jess: 2:28

Oh my god, Randy, I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm calling you out today. This is so one of us is gonna cry by the end. Yeah,

Randi: 2:34

totally. I was like, Don't make me cry. It's probably gonna be you. Well, and these setbacks, they can feel incredibly heavy. Thank you. It will be you. You will cry. It's you. Just it's going to be you. Okay, it's going to be all right. Emotional setbacks are a normal part of life. They don't mean you're failing. They mean you're human. And I need to. Tell that to myself because I, like you're human. This shit

Jess: 2:58

happens. Exactly. And sometimes they are out of your control. let's talk about why it's called reclaiming your power because these two go hand in hand.

Randi: 3:07

when you experience a setback, it feels like the situation or someone else. has control over your emotions, your energy, or even your life path. when you work on reclaiming your power, you're recognizing that while you may not have control over what happened, you do have control over how you respond. It's about stepping back into the seat, the driver's seat. of your life. No longer being a passenger princess.

Jess: 3:34

I don't know. I've been watching a lot of videos about passenger princesses. And I was like, Oh my gosh, there's some lady like seriously, went all out. This is what I've been like, tick tocking. Sorry. Okay. Also I want to say it's not about pretending that the setback didn't happen. It's not toxic positivity. It isn't gaslighting. It's really about acknowledging it and processing it and then deciding that it doesn't get to define your future.

Randi: 3:57

Yeah, and just making that initial acknowledgment is the first step that you're taking in reclaiming your power back after a setback. So how does this affect women and their mental health?

Jess: 4:09

emotional setbacks, they are so hard, because as women, we carry so much emotional labor, not just for ourselves, but for those around us. We take on so much. Honestly, as women, we have to try so much harder, I feel, to get things done or to stay on task, that's being ADHD, but also we have to work harder sometimes than men to prove where we are.

Randi: 4:32

To get ahead, to climb the ladder. Definitely. when these setbacks happen, because we carry that emotional labor, it feels like we're not just dealing with our own emotions, but everybody else's like when I had a huge setback with my company, it wasn't just all my feelings. I was feeling I was feeling the despair of having to let go of employees and contractors that, required that income so then I took on that emotional labor. I was told of that. And a friend was telling me the other day Randy they don't blame you. And I said, I know that. But I'm blaming myself which I didn't have any control over the setback that happened. But I was like I was still blaming myself. And like when I said that, I was like, I try to keep, I have so many, irons in the fire and it was creating burnout with that. Oh God,

Jess: 5:23

irons in the fire! I was trying to say that the other day and I was like Irons in the fire. It was oars in the fire. I kept saying oars in the fire. What? And I'm like, no, no, oars are in a river or a lake, but it was irons in the fire. Thank you,

Randi: 5:34

Randy, because that just popped in my head. But if we don't talk about these feelings. It creates anxiety, it creates depression, it creates a sense of being stuck, and that's where I'm at right now. Yeah. You are, and I can see it. I'm stuck,

Jess: 5:47

it snowballs into everything else, and it does. It feels stuck, and honestly, Randi, you do. You feel stuck right now, and I know you're trying, and you're moving forward, and you're trying to process everything that's happened. But it's been huge.

Randi: 6:00

So yeah, so let's move into the steps because I definitely need these. I hope our listeners need them too. It's just kismet that we're talking about that.

Jess: 6:09

I know that's so bizarre. So bizarre. Okay. So first I want you to acknowledge the setback. And I think you've done that,

Randi: 6:15

Don't downplay it. Don't Sweep it under the rug. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment, anxiety, worry, whatever comes up for you.

Jess: 6:26

remember that these are valid feelings just because somebody else may not see the situation as a big deal. It doesn't mean it's not significant for you. And here's the thing also is I want to give yourself the time to feel these things. If Randy is still like this in six months, I'm going to have issues with her, right? I know she's, where she's at right now because this is part of the process. it takes a while for you to process all of this. Yeah.

Randi: 6:53

another step to do is reframe the narrative. I've done some reframing narratives for my self work, but I haven't dived back into it, and I need to like address it again. What does it

Jess: 7:03

mean, reframing the narrative? Most people don't understand what that even means.

Randi: 7:08

You are retelling or reframing the story that you're telling yourself. Instead of seeing the setback as a failure, view it as a lesson learned or, a,

Jess: 7:19

a redirection, maybe a

Randi: 7:20

redirection. Like I try to look at it as, or what I'm trying to reframe it as right now is one door closing and another one opening. And maybe I don't see that other door open yet, but I will eventually walk through the door that I meant to. And that there's a reason that this door has closed and I've had this setback.

Jess: 7:39

Okay, so I'm going to reframe that for a second. I liked everything up until the reason there was a setback. The reason the setback happened was because somebody was an asshole. So that is, there's no reason for it. And so that's what we have a hard time with. That's a hard

Randi: 7:52

time because there was no rhyme, rhyme or reason why I was targeted for what happened. Exactly. Context was that all of my large social media. Platforms were hacked and sold. So so basically stolen, So stolen and so I had no control over that and yes, I had done everything to protect myself Yes from it and it still happened. So that's what's hard to grasp in a lot of these situations when you have had no hand And what has happened and it really is out of your control because I like to control everything

Jess: 8:25

It's not your fault, it's not, whoever the setback happens to, it's not your fault. only thing you can do is control where it goes through. So going back to your analogy, that door is closed. Yes, you have learned a lot in that door that might help you through your next door. But that isn't why it happened. So that's the only reason I want to fix that. We're doing therapy right now, guys. So just hang on. Hang on. Hold on. Pause. Okay. Okay. The other thing is I want you to set your boundaries for yourself and others.

Randi: 8:52

You know us in boundaries, man. Boundaries are key. Sometimes emotional setbacks come from giving too much of yourself or people or giving too much to people or giving too much to a situation and they don't reciprocate it and you're burnt out. reclaiming your power might look like saying no more often, stepping back from a toxic, relationship or friendship, or even setting boundaries with yourself and your own inner critic and negative self talk.

Jess: 9:21

And you really should do that anyway, because that stuff, she's awful. She should just set a boundary that she can't hang out. Negative self critic. Yeah, bitch bye. Exactly, bitch bye. also practice compassion. What does that look like? Randy? I

Randi: 9:37

dunno right now. Alright guys, nevermind. No, but this, no, really, this is huge and I feel as women, we are constantly struggling with being compassionate towards ourselves and having empathy towards ourselves because we are our worst critics. Mm-hmm And you have to tell yourself to treat. yourself the way you would a friend.

Jess: 9:59

If you're gonna say something nasty to yourself, I want you to say it out loud and would you say that to your child? Would you say that to your best friend? Right. Is that something if you're like, oh, just get over it.

Randi: 10:09

Or like you're so dumb, like how could you let this happen? Like you would never say that out loud to somebody. And if Rani

Jess: 10:15

said that to me, I would probably cry and I'm not a crier. I would probably be like, Oh my God, I cannot believe you just said that. Yeah,

Randi: 10:22

but if you think or write out the, or say out loud or write down the things that you say to yourself, sometimes you're like, what the F? Like, why am I talking to myself this way? That's horrible.

Jess: 10:34

Okay. So here it is. I like what you just said. I want you to write out that negative thought right that inner critic. I want you to write it out I want you to look at it. I want you to cross it out And I want you to literally rewrite Kindness and compassion in that statement. That's a

Randi: 10:49

really good idea. I'm gonna do that. You guys do that today Yeah,

Jess: 10:53

every time you have a negative thought god, why did you do that cross it out and rewrite it with kindness to yourself It wasn't something I did. I didn't choose this.

Randi: 11:03

Yeah, and that's a great way to remind yourself that setbacks are a part of life and you're doing the best that you can. Another thing that we can lead into is taking action, and every small step counts.

Jess: 11:17

Yes, every step counts. So once you are processing your emotions, you start taking steps, no matter how small. small, you move forward. It could be again, simple as journaling, going for a walk, reaching out for a friend, rewriting that negative critic. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be forward. it doesn't mean you need to figure out what your next life plan is either, Randi.

Randi: 11:41

Oh, fine. I just called her out. It doesn't have to be the next big thing. I always feel like it needs to be bigger and better and more than what I did previously. Watch this. And that's my, that's my own, issue with myself. So let's answer some of the have you ever questions. So Jess, what does it mean to reclaim your power after an emotional setback?

Jess: 12:03

It means regaining the confidence and strength you may have felt you lost after that difficult experience. It's about taking control of your life and your narrative and moving forward. forward with a purpose and self assurance. And that's big. You may not know exactly where that door is, you're heading toward that damn door.

Randi: 12:21

Yeah. Having faith in yourself and, feeling secure in yourself.

Jess: 12:25

Yeah. Okay. So Randy, is it normal to feel powerless after an emotional setback?

Randi: 12:30

Absolutely. It's a. Total normal response to have emotions can sometimes just floor us. But remember that it is temporary. You're not alone. And it's okay to ask for support as you find your footing again.

Jess: 12:45

Did you hear that?

Randi: 12:46

I

Jess: 12:46

did. I'm about to make that a ringtone for you. Fine,

Randi: 12:50

So Jess, what are some steps to take when you're trying to reclaim your power?

Jess: 12:56

I want you to start with acknowledging what you're going through, understand that your emotions are pivotal, and what that means is that your emotions aren't going to go, I'm going to do this, this, this, and this, they bounce around, you might think you're okay, it's it's grief, basically,

Randi: 13:12

it's like anything, like any type of cycle that you're going through, you got to go up and down, and you'll take, sometimes I feel like I take 10 steps forward, and then I take 20 steps back and then take five steps forward, and then I take three steps back and like a ping pong and it can be frustrating, but it is part of the process.

Jess: 13:29

It is. And you're still moving forward every time. So just small, manageable steps towards your self care. I don't care if that's speaking to loved ones, if it's going to be practicing your mindfulness or really just setting some simple daily goals for yourself to get you back in the rhythm of what you were doing. Randy, how can I stop blaming myself for setbacks that are out of my control? God, these all seem I'm so sorry. I'm like, you just I'm just nailing it. Yeah. Yeah, the

Randi: 13:55

bullseye is right here. So again, Randy, I'm telling this to myself, self compassion is key. Remind yourself that we are often our own harshest critics and recognizing that things are beyond our control and focusing on what is We can influence and what our response are going to be to our next steps that we take.

Jess: 14:16

That's pretty powerful.

Randi: 14:17

No, that

Jess: 14:18

was really,

Randi: 14:19

really bad. That's what and it's really good for me to say these things out loud and hear the advice that I would give other people. Because I need to take my own advice.

Jess: 14:30

We never do, though. I swear we're the worst. It's like nurses are the worst patients too. Yeah,

Randi: 14:34

exactly. So Jess, do you think journaling can help me reclaim my emotional power?

Jess: 14:39

Yes. Journaling is such a powerful tool that'll help you process your emotions. It's a way that you can reflect upon your experiences and start to recognize the patterns. And there's something about the process from handwriting the journal. Not. The typing, not the, app. There is something about handwriting the journal that helps you process better.

Randi: 15:03

Yeah, and I agree with this. Like I'm not a huge journaler, I'm a huge person who buys journals and then never fills'em, or planners. But I have found, I started habit tracking, but like writing it out and like doodling and kind of junk journaling and for me. That was a good way to work through, because I felt like I could check off things that I had power over, even if they were small things or tracking things I was doing over the holidays or for work and that was a step in me, starting to reclaim my emotional power, and I also found a lot of joy and kind of doodling because I like art and crafts, and so, there's ways that you can just take those small steps and find a little bit of joy. Kind of like when we were talking about micro dosing hope, you can listen to our other episode about it. Just the small things that can take a step in the right direction.

Jess: 15:53

And you mentioned junk journaling. We talked about that. Yeah, we have an episode on that too. Yeah, a couple months back. Yeah,

Randi: 15:58

some articles on the website.

Jess: 15:59

What role do support networks play in reclaiming this emotional power after a setback?

Randi: 16:04

So support networks or, groups can provide understanding, perspective, and encouragement. They remind you that you're not shouldering this burden alone, that other people have gone through this. So it's Really a great way to lean on friends family or support groups when you're ready to take that step

Jess: 16:23

Oh, I like how you said when you're ready to take that step. Yeah, you've told me this so long ago that we get in our own way And not let people help us. Yes, and so just make sure that if people are trying to and this isn't for Randy This is for y'all just make sure people are trying to help you that you are not saying I'm fine or I'm okay, because you're not fine. You're not okay. And that's why your support network is reaching out be honest

Randi: 16:46

with yourself first. So you can be honest with other people. So just how do you balance accepting help? with maintaining your hyper independence.

Jess: 16:58

Oh, it's so hyper. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you, the other day, I was dropping off a bunch of boxes at the UPS store. I was shipping back stuff. I was determined and so stubborn to pick up this one box. And this dude was like, can I help you? I was like, no, no, I got it. No. I clearly didn't have it. He's I can help you. I'm like, no, no, I got it. I got it. He's lady. He asked me again. And I finally, I got it. I was like, no, no, I got it. I said, I'm sorry. I said, my hyper independence totally just gets in the way of myself sometimes. And he laughed at me and kept walking. But I was like, I should have just said, sure, help me pick up my box.

Randi: 17:31

Because sometimes accepting health can give you strength that you don't even know that you needed. Or it can open up a door that you might not be looking at. I don't know.

Jess: 17:40

Yeah, it is. Well, it's part of building. It's a tool set. I can't even talk. My god. I thought your brain was back online, but it's not.

Randi: 17:47

It went off.

Jess: 17:47

It went off. It's part of, a tool that you can put in your toolbox. It is building your, power, your

Randi: 17:54

resilience. Yeah, it's a building block to helping you be more resilient. Yeah.

Jess: 17:59

Okay. What if I feel like I'm not making progress fast enough? Because that is what I hear all the time from everybody. And that's really hard

Randi: 18:05

for me because I like to move at warp speed. Mm hmm. And so I've given myself to kind of time to slow down and. It's important to understand that healing isn't linear. We've said this over and over again, but it's still, it's so simple, but it's hard to grasp. It takes time and there's no pace. There's no race that you're running. You're telling yourself that there's a race that you're running, but there's not. You need to celebrate the small steps that you've taken, the small wins. And, write them down if you need to, so you have proof of your progress. And if you're feeling stuck, reach out to a therapist or a counselor.

Jess: 18:41

Or listen to a good podcast. Yeah, we

Randi: 18:43

know of a couple. So, Jess, how can setting boundaries assist in regaining your emotional power? Ooh,

Jess: 18:53

you set a good boundary with me in the very beginning of this, I gotta say. Boundaries are going to help protect your energy and your emotional well being, They are going to empower you to say no to things and things that drain you will no longer be present draining you. You can say yes to things that fulfill you. So it's okay that you prioritize your needs. when this setback happened, Randy said, I can't hear this anymore. This is too much. I can't do this. Oh, yeah. And you know what? It was great because I thought, Okay, I know exactly where you are. I can respect that. Yeah, a lot of people

Randi: 19:27

kept sending me screenshots or things about it. And it was Getting emotionally overwhelming, and there was nothing that I could do about it. So it was like so frustrating because I had zero control over what was happening. And so I was like, I just can't hear it or see it anymore. And it was a great about that. Yeah, that was a

Jess: 19:47

great boundary. I thought, okay, this is where she's at. She's not okay, but she's no longer in the I'm going to research it. Right. She's now in the I'm going to. Process grief mode I was sorry that you were there, but I love that you set that boundary How can I use mindfulness to help overcome emotional setbacks?

Randi: 20:04

Mindfulness helps anchor you in the present and helps you observe your feelings without judgment. Kind of like it's a way of healthy dissociation in a way. It provides a quiet space in the storm and chaos of your emotions. It gives you a moment to just pause and have some clarity and really helping yourself get in tune with yourself and create a sense of peace that you need when your mind can be whirling

Jess: 20:33

A lot has been said to about prayers. I'm not religious, but there is something about prayers that it's also It's like a form of meditation. You're giving it up to the universe, to God, to a tree, I don't care. But you're putting it out there that you are not in control. And there is something very much about that. If you, pray. Just laying it out there. And just, there it goes.

Randi: 20:58

Honest conversation and I'm

Jess: 21:00

sitting here making the gesture of taking it off my chest. Yeah, just like her heart Yeah, like

Randi: 21:03

unburdening like yourself and all that you're feeling emotional setbacks are very hard that but they don't have to define you And i'm working on that, you know right now that It doesn't define like who I am, and it doesn't negate other success I've had. And reclaiming your power is about choosing to move forward. You're choosing to move forward with resilience, with grace, and with self compassion towards yourself.

Jess: 21:30

Yeah, because you are stronger than your setback or any setback that is going to happen. every time you choose to keep going, you are proving that to yourself

Randi: 21:39

and to everybody else. Yes, and that you are resilient. It's like a phoenix, like rising from the ashes. It doesn't mean that you have to ignore the way you're feeling about it, you don't have to rise from the ashes tomorrow, and you can rise and then sink back down and rise again. Exactly.

Jess: 21:54

However you need to do it.

Randi: 21:55

So we appreciate you guys joining us today on the Women's Mental Health Podcast. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend or family member who might need a little encouragement.

Jess: 22:07

Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and connect with us on social media. Until next time take care of yourselves and keep reclaiming your power and Randy. Thank you for letting me call you out. You're

Randi: 22:17

welcome Thank you guys for listening