The Most Dangerous Words You Use All Day (And How to Take Them Back)

We are often far more intentional with the words we use with others than the words we use with ourselves. And those private words—the ones no one else hears—the silent narration running through your head all day, just might be the most impactful words you ever use. So make them positive!

Transcript

The Most Dangerous Words You Use All Day (And How to Take Them Back)

I make my living with words.

I’ve spent most of my career choosing them carefully—on television, on stages, in boardrooms—because words matter. They shape perception. They create emotion. They move people to act.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth I’ve learned the hard way:

We are often far more intentional with the words we use with others than the words we use with ourselves.

And those private words—the ones no one else hears—the silent narration running through your head all day…

Those may be the most dangerous words you use.

[Pause]

Because they don’t just describe your world.
They quietly create it.

SEGMENT 1: THE INVISIBLE CONVERSATION 

You’ve probably heard this idea floating around—that most of our daily thoughts are negative. You’ll hear numbers like 70 percent, 80 percent.

Here’s what I want to be clear about:
There is no single, definitive percentage that researchers universally agree on.

What is well established in psychology, though, is something called negativity bias.

We are wired to notice problems, threats, mistakes, and risks faster—and remember them longer—than positive experiences.

That wiring once kept humans alive.

Today?
It keeps many professionals stuck.

Because that bias becomes the soundtrack of our internal dialogue.

And most of us never stop to question it.

SEGMENT 2: MEET THE SABOTEUR 

Shirzad Chamine gave this internal critic a name.

He calls it the saboteur.

The saboteur is the voice that says:
“You should be further along by now.”
“Don’t post that—people will judge you.”
“You sounded stupid in that meeting.”
“Who do you think you are?”

Here’s what’s important to understand:

That voice is not insight.
It’s not truth.
And it’s not “just being realistic.”

It’s an outdated survival mechanism pretending to be wisdom.

And if you let it narrate your life unchecked, it slowly becomes identity.

So let’s talk about how to interrupt it.

FIVE WAYS TO OVERCOME NEGATIVE SELF-TALK 

1. Name the Voice—and Separate From It 

You cannot change a voice you believe is you.

So the first step is separation.

Instead of saying, “I’m terrible at this,” try:
“I’m having the thought that I’m terrible at this.”

That one small shift creates distance.

This technique is widely used in cognitive behavioral therapy because it reduces emotional intensity and restores control.

Your saboteur thrives on anonymity.
Naming it exposes it.

2. Challenge Accuracy, Not Emotion 

Negative self-talk feels true because it feels emotional.

But feelings are not facts.

When that voice shows up, ask one simple question:
“Is this objectively true?”

Not:
“Does this feel convincing?”
Not:
“Have I thought this before?”

Just:
“Is this provably true?”

Most of the time, it’s not.

Accuracy weakens the saboteur far more effectively than forced positivity.

3. Replace Judgment With Curiosity 

Judgment shuts learning down. Curiosity opens it up.

Instead of: “I blew that presentation.”

Try: “What specifically didn’t land—and what can I improve next time?”

Same event. Completely different outcome.

Curiosity moves you forward. Judgment keeps you stuck.

4. Speak to Yourself Like Someone You’re Responsible For 

Here’s a powerful test.

Would you speak to:
A colleague
A client
A child

The way you speak to yourself?

If the answer is no, revise the language.

This isn’t about being soft. It’s about being effective.

People don’t perform better under constant attack—especially when it’s self-inflicted.

5. Audit the Words You Repeat Most Often 

Repetition creates belief.

Pay attention to the phrases you use on loop:
“I’m just not wired that way.”
“That’s not my strength.”
“I always mess this up.”

Words like always and never quietly define the limits of your world.

Replace absolutes with specifics. Replace labels with descriptions.

Precision dismantles pessimism.

CLOSING 

Words create our world.

Especially the ones spoken silently.

You don’t need to quiet your inner voice.

You need to train it.

Because when the voice in your head becomes clearer, fairer, and more accurate—everything else follows:
Confidence.
Execution.
Presence.

And in a world where outcomes are decided in seconds, the first person you must persuade…

Is yourself.

[Pause]

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it—or better yet, listen to it again and notice the words you use with yourself today.

Because the story you tell yourself is the story you live.