33 - Certified Pre-Owned: Putting a Premium on Fatherhood

Doubt can be loud after a divorce, but what if the truth is that fatherhood is your quiet advantage? We dig into why single dads carry built-in signals of commitment, safety, and competence—qualities women instinctively value—and how to stop hiding them behind apology. From a last-minute cancellation that sparked firmer standards to the mindset reframe that shifts you from “rejected” to “I’ll let myself out,” we unpack practical strategies that turn fear into leadership and scarcity into agency.

We talk about projecting your ex’s story onto new dates and how to break the loop, the power of men’s community for rebuilding confidence, and the surprising social proof of being a dad—what psychologists call mate choice copying. You’ll hear how to lead with adventure without breaking the bank, why isolation kills attraction, and how to design a life with direction that invites women in. We also make a case for competence as the new charisma: co-parenting, scheduling, stability, and emotional maturity are management-level traits that read as premium in the dating world.

If you’re feeling rusty, we offer simple reps to get moving again: a journaling exercise that anchors your identity in the safety you already provide, a standards check that prevents time-wasting flakiness, and a reminder to swing more so you can win more. No grandstanding, no cringe—just clear tools and a confident path forward for dads dating after divorce.

If this resonated, share it with a friend, subscribe, and leave a quick review—your support helps more dads find their footing and build a stronger post-divorce life.

Transcript

Welcome And Last Week’s Status Wins

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Hello and welcome to Dad's Dating After a Divorce, the only podcast helping us dads to traverse the very interesting, fun, wild. And what other adjective, Dallas, could we throw in there? Surprising world of dating after divorce. My name is Jude Sandoval. I am the founder of The Divorced Advocate, and my co-host is Dallas Bluth, the founder of Black Box Dating. Dallas, how are you doing? Doing fabulous, Jude. Let's uh let's do this. Good, man. Yeah, we talked last week about status, which I thought was really an interesting topic. And we got more downloads last week than than ever before. So it must have struck a chord with some of the dads listening. And while we were while we were talking in that podcast, we about status. One of the things we we hit on was about dads and the actual status that they bring to the dating pool, which we a lot of us don't think about. And and then you asked me a question, uh, and I don't remember pr precisely what the question was, but my answer had to do with about how I the first one of the first women I dated after divorce literally just remembered a conversation from days before. And that to me was like this the best thing in the whole world. Like my standard was had been depleted, I would say. I wouldn't say my standard was low, but my like standards had been depleted so low that that was the the the bar that way was like, oh my gosh, this is great. She just remembers that I said something three days ago. And then that just got me thinking this whole week. I know you guys really want to know why I come up with these Boncos episodes and play these ground works. Dallas is looking at me like, let's just get on with it. But but but it's you know, it's kind of the the the mindset into the guys, Dallas, right? The the dads that that that are listening. But it got me thinking this week because I was scheduled to go on a date this week and she canceled like last minute, like hour and a half before. And she's like, oh, let's schedule, blah, blah, blah, reschedule, blah, blah, blah. And I and I just said, hey, I think you know, we've our values on time and respect are completely different, and I'm just not interested, right? And so, because that's those are my values, right? They had nothing to do, maybe, and and I said that. I just said that you know, I think that it's different. No, no harm, no foul. You know, I wish you the best of luck. But once upon a time, that when like you discussed, I would have just been okay with that. I like I would be fine, I would just let that happen. And that's not okay. I let me just be clear. I'm canceling an hour and a half before a date that you scheduled well, well in advance. Like it messed up my whole day. There were it didn't mess up my whole day, but there were so many other things I could have done in that time frame that I could have scheduled because I have kids. I had my kids on that date. Like we were, it was a busy weekend. So so so that got me thinking too, and then we had a conversation after last episode about all these doubts, right? That that that us dads have in this. And so what I wanted us to talk about today are those doubts. Those doubts about primarily like, am I damaged goods? Is anybody gonna want to date me again? There's this, there's this myth out there about that that that nobody wants to date, women don't want to date dads with kid or men with kids or dads, right? That we are failures because our marriage ended. So I want to talk about that. And second part of that, most importantly, I want to I want to talk about how we can help the dads get to that point where they feel where they really embody and feel like they are that they do have that value and they can walk away. Like she's pretty hot, right? Like the woman I was just like, no, you know, I'm sorry, our values misaligned here. Like feeling comfortable. And I feel like I feel perfectly comfortable. I'm like, it's okay, that's fine. I just but I learned the hard way. So I want you guys to like I learned the highway by actually getting involved with these, like somebody that's misaligned with my values, and then having it be a nightmare and and mess. I want to talk about how we can get them to like get past that.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Initial thoughts.

Doubts: “Am I Damaged Goods?”

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Yeah, so initial thoughts is it's not just dads, it's everybody. You know, it's it's all single men. I I know dads have a particular set of voices in their head that are saying certain things uh that you know, and we'll address those specifically. But I just want to welcome all the single dads into the single men group. You're welcome here. You are just like the rest of us. We all have doubts. And any guy that looks like he's not doubting himself at all because he he's giving off this bravado, he's giving off you know these airs of you know being super dominant in an environment, you know, like he's at the top of the food chain, yeah, that's a mask. He is covering up a lot of insecurities. All of us live with insecurities. And the only the only people that are not living with insecurities are people that are not on the edge of their life. If you, if you don't have if if you're if you're playing it super safe, you know, if you're if you're you know watching, if you're playing lots of video games, you're watching baseborn, playing video games, eating Cheetos, watching porn.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Yeah, pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

You know, you're not you're not you're not on the edge of your experience, of your journey, you know, of your own hero's journey in the masculine archetype. When when we do that, when we when we go out of the safe zone, which is the world of dating, the world of interfacing with women, we are going to face insecurities. We we this is natural, this is good, this is actually an indication of us being on a good path. And I I know I'm jumping right into the deep end, but let me just share one of my favorite quotes of all time.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Joseph Campbell, he was a you know a wonderful storyteller psychologist and comparative uh religion professor in New York. Uh one of his favorite ones, and he's actually the one that came up or that really made clear the hero's journey archetype.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Uh one of his favorite quote, one of his quotes that I love is the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

So it's one of those, you know, the dragon is in the cave. You don't want to go into the cave to slay the dragon, but the the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. And again, I just want to make it clear it is normal to have doubts, it is normal to have fears, and and all of that is there to nourish us and grow as stronger as man. I just want to start with that.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Yeah, and I appreciate that because that's that actually falls right in line with the first thing I wanted to talk about, which is kind of the scarcity mindset we get into during divorce and then post-divorce, because our world shrinks so much during during like during a marriage. Like if you've been married, you kind of were just the family, you're really focused. You maybe had your family, like your friends, and so so that that world gets so so much small, so much smaller, and then you get divorced, and and it's almost like survivor where you get voted off the island, and then you're like, shoot, what like what do I do? And and and so your point is is very, very important, is like, all right, guys, now that those caves, that world, like you gotta get back out into it, out of the basement, put the Cheetos down, like all of that stuff to to get back in and and become alive, really. And I think I don't want to get into too much of the solutions because I want to talk some of this, but I think that was one of the things for me that really started to help was getting out there, finding new hobbies, and we'll talk about this. Getting involved with other men was uh was a big one, getting realigned, if you will, with my masculine nature, and then starting to ignite that again. But but before so so I I think that's absolutely like so. Guys, just just know it's not just us dads that are dealing with with this, even if you can think back pre pre-marriage. You probably had some some doubts and questions and stuff too before. You just forgot all of those from however long before it was.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

And now, and now as a single dad, you have some new ones. You've got some new doubts that you get to play around with. You know, it's it's a whole new game that you get to ending. And let me let me let me tack on another piece. Women go through just as much, uh, and in in a lot of cases, more insecurities and doubts than men do. Women women experience more insecurity in the world, particularly physically than men do. There's it is as much as it is an uphill battle for men, it is at least as much an uphill battle for women. Yeah. So just realize like we're all struggling through this. We're all coming from the same place. There's there's no need to add to make the task more difficult by by heaping shame or guilt or weird stories onto ourselves that we're somehow defective because we have these challenges. No, that that makes you that makes you in the game just like everybody else. And this is part of the fun of it, is is how this plays out and what we discover along the way.

Insecurity, The Hero’s Journey, And Fear

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Yeah, you know, I was on a date one time and I had a woman show up, she was clearly nervous, and then she just first like outright the first thing she said, I she she just said, I just want to recognize the fact that like this is kind of you know, first date things is are weird and really, really nervous. And it was such an endearing thing for her to say, and like immediately, like that was such a vulnerable thing to to do and to say, and it ought like it automatically broke the ice. We had just a great conversation, it was really nice. She wasn't a she wasn't a match, but like I to this day think back, I can remember where we met, where we were sitting. I think I even remember what I drank, and and I was like, this is so cool. She just opened up about hey, I I'm really, really nervous about this. And it got us talking about exactly that kind of our some of our nerves and our divorce and how our feelings and what we were talking about there. So, yeah, that's that's a great point. Just know, guys, like none of us have it all together. Dallas and I talk about it like we we know like Dallas does know more than I for sure and is much better at this, but like we talk about like what we know, but we all have our challenges and our doubts and and and and all that. We just need to to to walk through it. And none of us are damaged goods, we're just all working through an experience. And so I want to, I want to talk about that, that you know, continue to break down that that damaged good mindset because the the next part, you know, our world is is has shrunk. The next part is oftentimes we will project our ex's reasons for leaving onto the entire female population, right? And and so here's the thing just because one person didn't want the dad version of you does not mean that there aren't other women out there and that there isn't a market for uh for you out there. So I just want that to be clear too.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Dude, uh, can you give us maybe a concrete example of this? Of of guys projecting um their So something that something that your ex-wife said about you, believed about you, rejected about you, whether it was true or not, that you carry with you into the dating market, that you're then projecting and you assume other women are gonna see you and reject you for the same reasons.

Scarcity Mindset And Rebuilding Life

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Oh, well, the the the example that nobody is gonna really care about me enough to listen, that I used last week and earlier was was one that I was like, you know, that was just that was a wake-up, that was just something I had accepted, right? That that they don't listen. That they don't listen, right? That they're not gonna listen to me, that they don't really care. But what led what the source of that was is my codependency. My codependency of that I gotta give something in order to get love back. Like I did not I did not believe that I could that somebody could just listen to me and accept me for who I was and what my feelings were, and was interested in that. So I I I went into because I didn't do the work and I didn't spend the time going through the seasons and understanding the relational dynamic that was part of the of the reason why the marriage ended, in just going and continuing those those things on. And so what you always talk about in really getting clear about yourself and knowing how you're gonna show up and how you're gonna be present and knowing that stuff is really incredibly important. So you don't project all of that stuff onto the rest of the the population. You don't because I always joke if there's gonna be one person that's the in in in in the room that's gonna and this and actually this is this is this I think is a pretty good general rule. I joke about it, but if there's one person in the room, and I should and I'm gonna state it this way if there's one person in your in the room that is going to attract you, it's gonna be the person that is that energetically aligned with whatever it is that you're not comfortable in in your in your body with, right? Right, and you're gonna and you're gonna perpetuate that that relational dynamic because the energy is the same, right? You're attracted to that same energy. And so that's why you've got to stop and you've got to do really the the work and not say, oh, well, it's her. Like you're gonna find that person because you're that's the energy, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:54

But it's not the right person for you. What's the expression that they that they like to say in couples therapy? You marry your unfinished business.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

And this is you coming back to that unfinished business and for whatever reason still being attracted to it. Exactly. Yeah, I I think I think there's a lot of truth to that. Let me let me let me come back to the point you were making about how you feel rejected and kicked out as a man when you go through a divorce. Because I not just divorce, I feel that this this happens socially in general. You know, two people break up. Women are are I think have it a little easier in being welcomed back into social circles more than men, particularly if particularly unless the woman's done something really egregious, you know. I mean, she's you know, she's totally slept around on you, you know, set your car on fire. Unless she's done like truly horrific, visible things, and and clearly you're you're a good guy, and she's just been like, you know, going crazy on you. Generally speaking, you know, and maybe this is different in inside of tight-knit friend groups. This is probably probably a little different. But for example, like if if you're both like like friends with your neighbors on the block, you know, it it's going to your your dynamic in that social circle is the woman is going to tend to be welcomed in, to be protected, to be taken care of. That's sort of just the social norm that we have. With the dude, it's like, yeah, too bad you couldn't get your stuff together, too bad you couldn't make this work. You're gonna get invited second at best at this point. Yeah, just we're not we're not going to be quote unquote taken care of socially the same way that women are. So so that leads to that feeling of feeling like you're rejected, feeling like you're in the doghouse, feeling like you've been kicked out in the cold. And it sucks. Like it totally, totally sucks.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

And here's, and I know maybe we're just mixing together some of the techniques with some of the challenges, but I just want to throw out the technique for this one.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

So when we feel like we're being rejected, that is a passive way of looking at that. Something is happening to me. People are no longer inviting me, people are seeing me a certain way. I'm being told that I have to leave. All of these things are happening to me, and I'm reluctantly having to conform and go along with what the world has decided for me. That that is that is like the most basic recipe for feeling powerless that a man could possibly have. The way to turn that around, and this is actually what I talk with my clients about, you know, if if things aren't working with a woman, we need to be the man to let ourselves out. And I I even say this in a physical sense, you know, if you need to have a difficult conversation with a woman, I suggest that they do it at her place rather than at yours.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Yeah.

Women’s Doubts Too And Vulnerability

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Because somebody has to leave. At some point, somebody has to get up. And if it's in winter, somebody's got to go out into the cold and the dark if you're doing it at night, get into a car. Somebody has to face all of that. Right. Personally, and this is just on an instinctive level, I never want a woman to have to do that. Even if we are done in a relationship, I don't want her, I don't want to, I don't want her to feel like I'm kicking her out. I don't want her to have to leave my place and go out in the cold. I don't want her to feel like she's lost her shelter and her safe place, emotionally, physically, and otherwise. I'm the man. I I can go build another hut and you know and gather more firewood and and start it, you know, scratch it out from scratch again if I have to. Like that's me. That that's part of my identity. That that's what I'm like. So I want to be the one that that is leaving her place. I'm letting myself out. I'm not kicking anyone out, I am letting myself out. But I'm choosing to leave on my own terms. I'm not waiting to be rejected and said and said, Dallas, get out. You you know, like you're not welcome here. I need to recognize, I need to see the the paint on the wall, the writing on the wall, and say, I need to leave. This isn't the right fit. And when I choose to leave and go somewhere new, socially, you know, physically, romantically, when I choose to do that, I'm no longer in a passive place where things are happening to me and I'm feeling powerless. I'm now making the difficult decision, like you have in the example here at the beginning of this episode. This woman rejected you, you know, in a in a mild way by canceling, you know, by by canceling on you. She was rude by doing it only an hour and a half before when maybe if you're 21 or 22 in college, this doesn't matter, you know, nearly as much. But you had to you had to carve out time in order to see her. Well, you know, you're you're making the very difficult decision of of of pruning, of chopping off, you know, a very, it sounds like a very attractive woman, a very attractive option. You're making the tough choice of saying, This is not how it's going to be. I'm not gonna wait until this woman has, you know, done this to me, you know, two or three more times, and I'm passive and I'm powerless in the process. No, I'm going to choose proactively to say, this is not a good This is not a good fit. I'm going to gracefully let myself out. I'm going to step out the door. I'm going to step out into the cold. I'm going to make the hard choice that leads me. You know, it's not an easy road, but at least it's a road that I'm in the driver's seat on as I head down.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Right. And and so I, yeah, that that is great advice. And to to what you talked, what you started that off with, which was women, women build women just build and operate in community more than more than men do. It's just a natural thing for them. So that's why it's seemingly that they're recovering much quicker after divorce or getting in relationships or making friend groups again. It just kind of happens naturally for them. I think part of that is that they do have that supportive safety net with community. Like you said, even if they they lose their community through divorce, they find another community relatively quickly or build another community relatively quickly. For guys, and that's one of the things we get in our group calls, a lot of stuff like, all my friends are gone, nobody calls me back. I thought they would have my back. Like we we take it as an affront. And I try to explain that the problem is it's not you as the as the dad that's going through this. It's that society doesn't really have a formalized way for us to go through divorce. And so usually it's it then it it falls upon each individual and their and and their emotional IQ as to how well they can traverse this. And nobody's really been taught this. So that's why usually it just ends up 90% of your friends, 95% of your friends just end up going away. And then you got to find new ones, which is harder for for guys in general, just because of our masculine design. Um, but then at this age and with kids and with like that becomes even more complicated. So I say all that to say what you just described, then because we are trying to rebuild that, and then we've got in the back of our mind all these doubts. It's like, well, maybe I don't want to walk away from this. Like I don't have anything else and I'm lonely, et cetera, blah, blah, blah. Which is why it's absolutely critical to surround yourself with other guys. So until yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Until and until we set up socially some halfway houses for divorced people. You know, where you go into it, you're halfway in between married life. You have some kind of a, you know, some kind of a social worker or parole officer, you know, that's helping you transition back into normal civilian single life. Until this is, until these, these, these, you know, these places, these things are in place, yeah, it is, it is so tough to find it. And I and I think, I think if we just ask ourselves, you know, if we hear a woman say, Yeah, I'm a single mom, you know, re very recently, recently divorced, and you hear a man say, Well, I'm a single dad and I'm recently divorced, our hearts go out naturally to that woman in much much more quickly to welcome her in and support her than they do towards the dad. Yes. Um, it it just does. That sucks.

Projecting Your Ex Onto New Dates

SPEAKER_01 23:47

You know, like and it's and it's only because it's societal messaging. That's all that's all that's all it all it is, which is which leads me, and and I'm sorry, did you want to finish the the point on that? Well, which leads me to that, to my last point about this whole damaged good uh goods idea, which is you're you're not like I want to use the the used car analogy. This is the best way, is is you're you're you're not you're not a wreck, you are a certified, approved, like pre-owned vehicle, right? Like that you can have conf like somebody can have confidence in. So it's a it's a shift in the mindset. The problem is we don't get that stamp, that certified pre-owned stamp, and we don't have billboards up of single fatherhood as a as a superpower and all the stuff like women do, right? Like women have done a good job with other women and lifting them up with that, uh, and society has, which is a good thing, right? We're not diminishing that. We have not done that with with single dads. So so you're not going to hear that. You'll hear that from Dallas and I. You'll hear that in our communities, our respective communities, when we're talking with with with you. But that's also why it's really, really important to get involved with with men, men communities, men, men's groups, church group, like men's churches, like whatever it is, like men's, surround yourself with other men, because then you're having those conversations, you're seeing it with other men, and that's where it's going to start to sink in is like, I'm not a wreck, like we talked about in the hey, Jews got his challenges, Dallas has got his challenges, but hey, we've got a lot of good stuff going on here.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Well, and and also when you when you find that community, when you find that group, you know, I've left, I've you know, I've chosen to embrace this new path, and I'm looking for men to do it with me. I, you know, yes, you know, you are certified, you know, you are pre-owned, but you also want to be refurbished, you know, you want to be renewed, you want to be brought back as close to you know, factory specs and cleanliness and performance, and like you you want to go through that. And and that requires you bringing yourself back up to those standards in order to do it. And you know, going it alone, yeah. When one of the interesting things about status, you know, but to echo back to uh last week's discussion is status is useful because it gives us a way to kind of know how well we're doing, because we have some kind of reference point with other people. And we're like, well, might you know, am I doing better or worse? That's one of the healthy sides, you know, to competition, is it helps us know where we are with no point of reference. I have no idea how good or bad I'm doing relative, unless I'm just comparing with myself. The minute you join a community, the minute you are with other single dads and you're hearing other stories, one of the benefits, in addition to the emotional and psychological support, one of the one of the huge benefits is you now have reference points to see whether or not you're you're improving, you're making progress, you're getting to where you want to be. Reference points, and and that's tough for guys because we tend to be, you know, like lone wolves, at least in the beginning, until we until we find a good pack.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

But part of the reason for the pack is so that we can we can we we have reference points to be able to identify where we are on our journey and whether or not we're we're we're advancing on it.

Social Rejection, Power, And Letting Yourself Out

SPEAKER_01 28:29

Yeah, and and that, and I want to add that's I is trim a tremendous, tremendous uh insight. And I want to add to that, it's used to be a lot easier when we had more of a more of a like a family dynamic where we had grandfathers and fathers, and even if there was strains and difficulties, like you were, you still had your pack. It was there. We've kind of isolated ourselves in our society now where our families go off and live further away from from extended family, etc. And then like a lot of guys that come into the communities, I've I moved all the way here for a job or family and everything, and now I'm all alone. And so that's why it takes a conscientious effort on our part to have to go and seek that. And it might mean that you're gonna you find a group you don't feel quite comfortable with, you might find another one that's okay, but you gotta keep trying to do it until you find in until you find it, because it is really, really important. But that takes vulnerability, it takes effort, it takes get out of the basement, right? Like you you gotta get out of the basement, you gotta get out there, whatever it is, and find uh that group. Because I can tell you, once you start doing that, and once so this was true for me, once I started to do that and found a core of guys that that I knew that I was gonna be talking to every week, that I could share stuff with, like things totally, totally changed. My mindset totally changed.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

And let me let me just add one more benefit to that. Women want to know that you're not in isolation. Yeah. Women women want to know that if they hitch their wagon to your your wagon, your cart, whatever, you know, if they if they decide to join forces with you, they want to know that you're not the only person coming to the table. They want to know that you have a crew with you, you know, of you know, of men and women, but especially men, they also want to know that you're socialized. They also want to know that she isn't going to be the sole provider of your social interactions. I know you have your your kids, but she wants to know that she's not the only other adult in your life.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

The and a lot of times guys aren't necessarily thinking about this, but I can guarantee you that women are. Women want to know that you are inviting them into a larger social circle that is bigger and stronger than any one single man. They're not really interested in meeting a man who is totally isolated and doesn't have a strong social network.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Yeah, and if you're just orbiting around her, that's gonna last like not very long. And and then you become incredibly unattractive to her. And it's gonna and it's gonna end, guys. So if you want something long-term, if you want a woman to just be continually attracted to you, you need to surround yourself with other guys. It seems counterintuitive a little bit, guys, but it is absolutely positively true. And and if you talk to other women, uh like I know I know Dallas does a a lot of that. And and I and I have to to some extent too. If you talk to other women, they're gonna tell you that. Like like Dallas just said. They're gonna, they're gonna, if if if you ask them, be like cle like open with me, because then we we think, well, we don't want it to get in our way. They want you, they want to see that you are doing other things, they want to see that you have other hobbies, they want to see that you have a world and interests, and that's what's attracting, attracting them, and that you're on this adventure in life, right? The the one commonality, Dallas, and and tell me if if you agree with this between men and women and masculine and feminine natures, I feel that nobody talks about, which I think is the biggest thing, is the sense and desire and want for adventure of life being an adventure. Like I think all the all the differences aside, the one thing that brings us together is an ad is adventure in life. Do you agree with that?

SPEAKER_00 32:32

I agree with that. And and I believe that that's true because when we're on adventure, we feel alive.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

I think men and women, we want to feel stimulated. We want to feel like we've woken up. And when you're out on an adventure, this is why most people list travel, you know, is one of their favorite things to do. Uh the thing about travel is it's a consumer product. You know, you're spending money, yeah, a lot of money, going out and having these stimulating adventures that make you feel alive. That's awesome. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a sense of adventure. You really, really don't. I and I think the one of the distinguishing qualities between men and women on that adventure is that as much as it as much as it terrifies us as a man, going on that adventure and coming back alive, and we had to face the fear, like really makes us feel like a man. It really lights us up. Yeah. And there's an aspect to women where they also feel that. But I think women love being invited to come on an adventure.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

And and and and that and they know they're going to be safe on that adventure. Then we don't know entirely if we're going to be safe. And that's part of the thrill that when we come back, we're like fist bumping, you know, and we feel like we like we grew a size inside of ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 33:47

I'm not sure women necessarily that's what they want the most. I think if somebody says, hey, I've got this this adventure I'm going on. Do you want to hop in the car? Let's go. And she's like, Great, let me grab some snacks first. I think that's how most women like to experience an adventure. Sure. Is is that they don't have they they're that there is they're they're they're riding shotgun, you know, and they get to, you know, just freely enjoy it spontaneously.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Yeah, they're gonna get an exhilaration just in a different way. And I can't, when I finally figure this out, I can't tell you the number of times. And like you said, it wasn't necessarily like going on a trip to Bora Bora or something like that. It's just an ad it could have been an adventure into the mountains or taking them to a place or a hike or or somewhere. The number of times that women have said, Oh, I didn't think I was going to enjoy that, but that was really a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah, right. And and they so if you so this goes to that mindset of of creating direction, right? Creating the direction, taking charge, and and then moving her through this adventure, through your life, exposing her to the stuff like Dallas all like Dallas always says, inviting her into something that she may have never experienced before, because it's gonna be a whole new uh world to her. So if you feel like, well, I gotta find stuff to do that that she likes to do or she like stop, stop, stop trying to think of like stop, just design your life, find your hobbies, do your interesting things. It doesn't mean don't take feedback from her once you start dating and stuff that she might like to do and whatnot, but invite her into the cool ass life that you have created, right? So, you know, that and and man, that's just gonna make her hot.

Community Gap For Dads And Finding Your Pack

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Yeah, yeah, all of it. So, um, yeah, it it will, it really, really will. So so uh tell so fill me in here. So when I'm a single dad and I'm trying to think about inviting you know a woman out on an adventure, what are some of the doubts that are coming into my mind? I know what they are for like just single dudes in general, but what are some of the doubts specifically for a single dad that are gonna creep into his mind that are going to that are gonna they're gonna sabotage? You know, they're gonna they're gonna be pulling on that break the entire time rather than hitting the gas.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

Yeah, I think the doubt is, well, she's not gonna like this, so she's not gonna like me, so she's not gonna wanna get together again.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

Okay, that's no different than every other single guy out there.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Well, right, right. No, it's it's it's exactly it's exactly the same. We've just got we've just got all more like baggage or or more stuff in the closet that we think that once we open that up, then that's gonna be like that's gonna be the fin, that's that'll be the final thing. So then we're not upfront about our kids or we don't list our height or like stupid stupid stupid stuff. We've just got we've got more more challenges and we're gonna and and and and things where the feedback where you want to call it, people call it failure, I call it feedback, right? That that have that have created doubts in our minds. So it is all you're exactly right, and I and I appreciate the point. It is all the same doubts that that everybody has. We just have more of them. And we're gonna we're gonna get to some of these practical steps to shake this, but one of them that I'll that I'll that I'll say is some of the most successful business people have had catastrophic business failures before their massive success. And I think when we're in our business world, lots of guys like just accept that and know, okay, yeah, I've been bankrupt, or this business failed, or um but we don't think that in our personal life. And I want guys to reframe that, yeah, okay, you got a divorce, or maybe two, or maybe three, okay, hopefully not. But yeah, like there's lots of businessmen that have had two or three failures before they hit it really big. Yeah. That's the the mindset change you've got to have.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Yeah. I don't, I don't remember who this salesman was, but he was like one of the big ones, like one of the one of the really famous ones. And he was being interviewed, and and they were also talking about his relationship with his wife, you know, because he has this beautiful wife. I it sounded like he kind of landed, you know, you know, very attractive woman, kind of out of his league a little bit, you know. And they asked him, they're like, How do you how do you do this? You know, how do you, you know, make all these sales and you know, this this beautiful woman and everything? And his answer was, I swing a lot. Yeah. And I thought that was just the most basic, primal, no way around it answer that there is. He's, you know, and what I think, you know, and well, I mean, he went on to explain this that when he says I swing a lot, he's saying obviously I hit it sometimes, but I probab but I he misses more than he hits it. Right. But the fact that he swings a lot means he gets to hit a lot of balls, you know, and that's really what we're totaling up at the end of the day is how many wins did I get. And if you're if you're being very, if you're being too careful about how often you swing, about where you swing, about in what domains you swing, if you're always, you know, pulling it back and you're not following through, if you're if you're not swinging a lot in life, you're not gonna hit anything. Yes, you're not going to land the connections and crack, you know, send that ball out of the park the way we all dream of inside of our hearts.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I think Michael Jordan also has, isn't Michael Jordan has the the saying you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Something, something like that, right? Like shoot your shot. Shoot your shot and shoot a lot of them and shoot non-stop. Because that's the that's how you're gonna get to to the to the level that that you want to get. Okay, so let's let's do this, Dallas, to to to finish out. I wanna so to help this reframe in their mind, I want us to to dive a little bit deeper into what we talked about last week, which was is the biological reality of what they're bringing to the table, the safety, the security, the provisioning. Because, guys, if you didn't listen to last week's episode and you're just tuning in uh for the first time this week, there's an evolutionary lens from which men and women operate, okay? And it's happened for thousands of years. And female mate selection has prior to prior to priority. I'm sorry, can you are they here? Are they they're shooting a shot, my friend? They got their jackhammers out and they're going for it. I thought they moved down the building.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

Um that's okay. We're gonna play through this. Hopefully, it will be too much.

Adventure, Leadership, And Inviting Her In

SPEAKER_01 40:52

That's okay. It's uh maybe it's gonna happen every time we make a real point, we'll get the jackhammer noise. All right, we'll try to play it that way. But this has been happening for forever. They have prioritized protection and resource stability. So the proof of concept around this whole thing with us divorced dads back in that marketplace is marriage proves you are capable of commitment, right? You're not a flight risk. So that's a number one fatherhood, number two, proves you have biological and emotional hardware to protect and provide. For something more important to yourself. And I also want to make the point that I love that you made, and actually I'll have you make it, about the fact that you're pre-selected by because you're a minority of man that has spread his seed. Actually, that's a great sound to have, like the jackhammer talk. Yeah. It's very masculine, but just as we're talking about spreading your seed, the jackhammer's going.

SPEAKER_00 42:09

I mean, I'm going to apologize. We thought I thought this part of they are renovating in my in my complex right now. And we thought last last week they were done with it, apparently. That's okay. All the listeners out there. Hopefully it's not going to be too much more. But uh yes, only 40% of all the males in the history of Homo sapiens have been able have been have had the opportunity and the privilege and successfully procreated. So if you're a dad, you're in the minority of men that succeeded in survival. Be proud of that. You know, I'm not sure we know entirely what all of it is that goes into it, you know, what all the different pieces are, but you are higher status because you've you're surviving. You're passing on your genetic material. That status, all the men that, you know, died in wars or famine or in the field or whatever it was and never got to procreate. There's no question in anyone's mind that they are unfortunately much lower status. They are.

SPEAKER_01 43:13

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 43:13

The fact that you're a dad means that like you made it, you know, you know, whether you know, whether whether by good management or good luck, you know, you managed to make this happen. And that jackhammer is here for you, my man. So for you to drive that point home.

SPEAKER_01 43:29

It it it and it's a really important one to to drive home. And actually, I I I looked up what it's what it's it's called mate choice copying is is is the the the psychological concept, mate choice comp uh copying. And it's the fact that you were married and are a father, and that acts as a social seal of approval. It tells other women another woman found this man worthy of her life and her children. So fellas, like that is like you can't. We talked about that that that um standard. Yeah, that that that uh that pre-owned that that pre uh certified pre-owned stamp of approval thing. Like this is it, right? For you in the dating world. This is your pre the this is your pre-owned certification when you show up that 60% of the other men in the world have to mitigate, like Dallas has to mitigate that you show up with when when you're on either a dating profile in person, when you meet her, or you say, I was married and I have kids. That's it. One sentence. I was married and have kids. That's it. That's your certification. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:43

It's totally true. And and yeah, it's other you've been vetted, you've been approved, you know, inspection, you know, inspector number, whatever, whatever, slap their sticker on you and said, Yes, this is ready to ship this one out the door. You know, we we decided, you know, me and all the other women decided this one should procreate, this one should have a baby. You know, they they all decided that. And you know, and and when you bring that out into the world, the women know that and they look at it and they think, okay, well, this guy must be bringing something substantial to the table in order for that to happen. The question is, as a single dad, do you embrace that yourself?

SPEAKER_02 45:23

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

You know, don't leave that on, you know, it's like the women did it, but now you need to own that, you need to make that a permanent part of your post-marriage identity.

SPEAKER_01 45:33

Exactly. Yeah, and and and and so you just like that's just built that is just built in, guys, and they don't know, and they may not like they may not know it consciously. This might not be something that's registering consciously, guys. So it's not it's not like she's gonna be like, oh, dude, that's great. Like you're like you're prevet like you you like you show up on the on the on the used car lot and it's got the sticker, and like like she's not gonna consciously coming through consciously, right? This is something that's subconsciously then giving you an advantage. So just know it's not like like they're gonna be like, oh, that's the shiniest, nicest one I like because it's got that sticker on it. Like it's not happening, it's happening subconsciously.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

Yeah, yeah. And if you and if you want a picture that paint, if you want, yeah, if you want a clear picture of how that subconscious works, uh, think about either being in a library or being in a playground. The dads with kids, the women are going to feel more safe around them in those environments. The the the adult men like me that show up and don't have a kid, they are not coming over to me and feeling all relaxed and safe. They're like, well, what's this guy after? What's he sniffing around for? The guy that has the kid. There we just we trust men with children with them. We just do. Men that don't have children, we don't know what they're up to. We don't know what they're doing with all those hours in their day. We really don't. You look at those situations and you realize that if, you know, if if something were to happen, or just socially speaking, the women are going to relax and feel safer around the men with children.

SPEAKER_02 47:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 47:09

That it that's they might be stating or they might even be writing on their profiles or consciously thinking and saying other things. But the truth is the behavior, you know, what is it, the the stated preferences versus revealed preferences? The body language communicates the real truth of it. They're going to spend more time around the guys that have kids around them because they know they're more established and trustworthy.

SPEAKER_01 47:32

Yeah. The safety factor is huge for women. They operate in a completely different reality in the world than than than men do. And one of those primal ones that is a that is a that is a need is safety. And you've already, like Dallas said, have that built in because you have kids, because you nurture kids, because you take care of kids. The example is a beautiful one, the playground or the library or whatever. If you have you know you got a single guy sitting on the park bench at the at the at the at the park, and an and a dad who's with his kids, the woman's gonna sit or be inclined to be engaged with the the single dad, right? It's just uh again, that it's not it's not conscious, it's a subconscious thing again, guys.

SPEAKER_00 48:22

Yeah. And you know, and and part of that comes into the fact that she assumes there's a woman around, you know, and until she knows more. She assumes that there's other women around, which is also part of the safety. She assumes that there. And then when there is the potentially pleasant surprise that no, actually, I'm single, she's already feeling safe, and then she and then there's the opening and the opportunity. A guy that's by himself, we pretty much assume that he's probably single, you know, when there's no other outward signs, and so she's immediately kind of got the guard out because she has to protect herself. Yeah.

Swing More: Reps, Rejection, And Wins

SPEAKER_01 48:57

Um, yeah, that's we should do uh we should do an episode on on day game with your kids. We we we touched on that slightly before, but yeah, we did touch on that, and it's got me thinking more, but I've got teens, so that that could blow up the whole thing. It's got me thinking more of how I can do that around my teens and and and actually have fun with I think it would be a blast because I think they would be dad, are you are you hitting on somebody with us here? And I could be like, Yeah, yeah, why not? Like, I think that'd be uh a lot of fun. So maybe maybe I'll field test some of it and then maybe we can do a maybe we can do an episode on day game with kids. That that would be that would be kind of fun. Man, it's like in thinking about this, Dallas. And now we're getting totally off topic, guys. This is just a this is just a sidebar. The the utilization or the underutilization of kids in your game, it's like non-existent. There's you could write a book about it, and I think it would be tremendously successful, and I think dads would be tremendously successful by implementing it. But dude, it sounds like a collaboration that we can throw out there.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

You know, it's it's a million-dollar idea. It is, it is, you know, like back in the old days, you used to have kids so that they had free labor on the farm. Nowadays, you know, you have kids so that if you get a divorce, it's a little easier to get a date.

SPEAKER_01 50:19

Another date. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Not the way we want to look at it, but fun to fun, but fun to laugh about.

SPEAKER_01 50:24

Hey, we speak the truth on this uh on this show. So yeah, all right. More truths. Reclaiming your value as that vetted man already, that you've just got this built-in certified pre-owned uh stamp of approval approval, the competence factor, okay? You've got a lot going on. You've got a hopefully you got a job or a business or whatever. If you're not, you probably shouldn't be dating. But you're you're you're working, you're in a good financial place, you've got a household, uh, you've been divorced, you've got a co-parenting schedule that you handle. Like you are handling life like a boss, right? Like a more of a boss than a single dude that has no kids. You are like way, way more competent, even if you don't feel like you're handling it that well, or if your kids are acting out or whatever, you are a step above.

SPEAKER_00 51:17

You're you're management level now. Yeah. You're no longer doing one job in the warehouse, driving the forklift, you know, stacking the boxes, checking the invoices. You are management level because you are now running a much more complex operation.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 51:34

Own it. You know, step into it, own it.

SPEAKER_01 51:38

Exactly. Like I and and and on that level, on that management level, you have a greater emotional maturity. Okay. Under unlike when you were in your 20s or any 20-year-old these days, probably even worse these days. The divorced dad's been through, you've been through the fire, right? So you have you've learned how to communicate, you know how to deal with setbacks, you know how to prioritize your life. You have to know how to prioritize your life. And those are big deals in a relational contacts with somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 52:13

So I'm gonna I'm gonna just continue with the analogies. You're now a veteran who's been in the combat zone. Here you go. You have come back for more, and we treat veterans, especially veterans that have that have been deployed overseas in combat. We thank them for our serve for their service because they've been places, they they face things, they their dreams are different than the rest of us who have never been in a war zone before. You're a veteran, you know, you've been you've you've been through battle and you've you've survived, you know, and you're and you're re you're attempting to reassemilate into normal civilian life. Realize that people are going to see you differently. You've been through stuff that other guys that have never been deployed into marriage have not been through. I've now, you know, they haven't been deployed through fatherhood. They haven't been through that. You know, those first, you know, that first 12, 18 months is rough for everybody. That you know, that that forges you. You realize, you know, sleep is a whole different game before and after that 12 months. You just you see a different like it's like it, it's just like being a veteran who's been deployed. You come back, you see life differently, you appreciate life differently. And you want you again, you wouldn't want to hide the fact, you know, that you've been through this life-altering experience if you were if you were a veteran. You don't want to hide that. You maybe don't necessarily tell everybody is the first thing out of the gate. But or the gory details. Yeah. Right. But but it but it's a core part of your identity. And again, I I love this concept of identity because all of our behavior, all of our values, all of our interactions from people ultimately, in my opinion, come back to our identity. Yes. All of it, it just streams out of it naturally. You're a veteran and a manager. These are both parts of your identity.

SPEAKER_01 54:00

Yeah, and and and they're all things that are worthy of and do garner admiration from women. And you you talked about that last week.

Evolutionary Advantage: Certified Pre‑Owned Dad

SPEAKER_00 54:10

If you realize that you admire it in yourself first, exactly. Yes, you can't go, oh well, the world should it should respect this, the world should admire it. Boy, that GI camera. We have to hardly hear it. Sorry. Okay, good. We have to, I I I it's loud over here. Yeah. As a single dad, we have to own it and admire it about ourselves. We have to embrace it and and really we have to shine through it as part of our identity. If we're waiting for other people to admire it about us, that's never, that's never really gonna sell it. We're the ones that have to really embrace it in order in order for us to get our full dues. I'm saying uh now I'm pretending I'm a dad. In order to get the full dues and full uh benefits of uh what you've been through.

SPEAKER_01 55:00

Yeah. Well, and and women who are looking for long-term stability want all of this, right? They they they want these, I'm calling, I'm gonna call them premium traits, right? These are premium traits in these are premium traits in men that women look for in mate selection that you already have proven that you have. Again, you're not going back to this whole thing. You don't have to show up, unfortunately, like like Dallas, and have to jump through these hurdles to prove this stuff. And it's not like it's it's just the God's honest truth, right? Like there is a whole there is a whole segment of what you need to do as a as a single non like as a single non-dad or a single non-married non-dad, right? That you've got to do that you've got to mitigate before I do. And it's just yeah, that's the it's just how it is. It's not it's not denigrating Dallas, it's not yeah, uplifting me, it's just how it is. And it's just because of my experience.

SPEAKER_00 56:04

Yeah, and like like you said, if I can simply say I'm a single divorce dad, that's the statement, full stop. And then they're like, okay, so where are you in your life now? I you know, I have to, I have to, I don't have a single statement like that that that communicates the same information. I have to jump through more hoops, explain more. I really do. There's an there's another piece to this actually, and you know, it's funny, I'm I'm I'm thinking about you know some of the older expressions that I really, really like. And one of the ones that we need to bring it back to you. This needs to be brought back into society. You know, it's like the the only way I barely heard it growing up as a child. I think it was even the generation before me that said this. But when someone was faced with a challenge, something they didn't want to do, what would that older person say? It builds character.

SPEAKER_01 56:53

Builds character, right?

SPEAKER_00 56:54

That's what we used to say. And it was an ironic thing, you know, that you would say, and it's like, yeah, you know, it's it's it's sort of like, well, here's what you're really gonna get out of this, and you know, and it's sort of joking, but it's really true. It's struggle and adversity that builds character. Yeah. Well, I I mean, one of the biggest struggles that any man can have in his life is, you know, to be married and then go through divorce and raise a child in the process. Okay, being a single, you know, being a divorced dad builds character.

SPEAKER_01 57:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 57:24

And and if there is one thing in this in this modern society that we are severely lacking, it is character.

SPEAKER_01 57:31

Yep.

unknown 57:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 57:33

These are premium traits. They are premium traits. RARE, rare. This is, you know, I mean, that this this is this is gold here, you know, to have a strong character, and and for you to own this, not not that you're trying to, you know, boast it or you're trying to convince anyone, but you own it inside of you and and you wear it as part of your suit. Yes. You know, this is, you know, or part of your uniform. You know, every woman's attracted to a man in a uniform, or just about all of them, you know, that your character is part of the uniform that you that you want to show. Realize that compared to the other guys that have not gone, you know, they haven't gone through the struggles that build character, whether you liked it or not, doesn't matter. It built character in the process.

SPEAKER_02 58:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 58:19

Own that, bring that up consciously. Don't, don't, don't say that to a woman as you in comparison to other men. Like that's not necessary. Just realize that you have a depth of character. You have you have you have more growth in your quality of character as a result. Right.

Safety Signals, Kids, And Trust

SPEAKER_01 58:35

Which leads me into the practical steps to help you remove those doubts, dads, which the first one is what what Dallas is saying is stop leading with with an apology. Don't start apologizing for your kids. Like own this as part of your of your character. This is a a premium trait. The other is the the quality filter. Women, there will be women, okay, that are going to feel like your uh fatherhood might be uh a burden, okay. That's fine. They're gonna filter themselves out and thank them. Actually buy them flowers and say thank you for not wasting my time, right? Because it's just not the woman that that you want in in your life. There's nothing wrong with it, but like that's not your target audience, okay? So that's good. And then the the last part is your self-investment. You're vetted and just continuing to so continuing to be able to provide that premium, that premium trait. I like the the word premium trait, right? That's that to me that premium, those premium traits is that certified pre-owned stamp of approval, right? You've got these premium traits. So keep that safety and security that you offer, but you got to do that through maintaining your your finances, your mental health, your fitness, etc. So if you keep showing up, like you've got these premium traits, you're you're battle tested, like like Dallas said, now you got to keep utilizing these to just continue to build in your life and on your life so that you can do what we talked about earlier, which is the invitations into this amazing life, or like Dr. Glover says, the then you can invite her to be the icing on this awesome life cake that you've you've created to where she's in an adventure. And every time she shows up, she's like, man, like she's not even thinking about all the premium traits and the safety and security, because that's already a base level. Now she's having an experience in her life with a divorced dad who's got all these traits that she's never ever experienced before in her life. And dude, that is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:56

Yeah. I I want to repeat what you said because it is so, so valuable. If you show up feeling you need to apologize, yeah. Oh my gosh. I mean, that is just it, it's the opposite of masculine. It's the opposite of sexy. It it's you know, it's you're asked, you're basically, you know, you're apologizing. You're more or less asking for their pity, their covert. Yeah, yeah, their approval, you know, you're you're you're asking it yeah, it showing up with an apology in your heart and in your mind, I would I would say that's that's that's the that's the real crux that you want to turn around. How do I turn these things that I feel that I have to apologize for? How do I turn turn them around? And I think we've really done a pretty good job in this episode. Turn them around and realize, apologize? No. These are badges of honor that I earn the hard way.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:45

And that I'm proud of. And that on a social basis, from an evolutionary standpoint, and just from just from a practical standpoint, these are things to be proud of, not apologize for. And and and it is it is not easy for us to, you know, when when we're when the trains facing the wrong direction inside of us, it is hard to turn that sucker around, you know, and get it facing in the right direction. But it's not complicated. It's pretty simple.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:15

Stop apol stop apologizing for what you are and start seeing how what you are is is is a is or premium. Yeah, these are premium qualities.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:24

Right. The the the picture that came to my mind when you were talking about that is scars. Dudes love scars. I don't know. Like when when I like I've got scars from hockey fights and stuff from from years and years ago, and sometimes they're subtle and people notice them. I love talking about that. Like you've got these battle scars that have built character on on you. And and and so, and and women love scars, like women think scars are sexy. Like, I don't know what it is, but they think you know, are are are cool. So just understand you're not starting over, you are starting from experience. All of those, yeah, all of what you think might be a blemish or a scar is something that is attractive, that has helped you to build these premium traits, give you that certified, you know, pre-owned stamp of of approval that she's gonna just find sexy, and you're starting ahead of 60% of the men that are out there, guys. Like, just know you're going out there, you've got an advantage already over 60% of the men. That alone should that alone makes me get excited right now and say, damn, I want to go shoot my shot today. Like, I want to go take some swings, you know, swings for the fences or you know, or or whatever, shots on goal, like whatever, man. I want to like I want to go out there because like it's stacked in my advantage. Like everything is stacked in my advantage, guys. It's truly stacked in your advantage. You just I'm just trying to help trying to help you see and understand that. It doesn't mean you're not gonna get rejected. It just means that like you're everybody's getting gonna get rejected, right? Like it doesn't mean if you're saying everything, but you've got way more you know the price. If you're a gambler, you've got way more probability of success now. Like this is this you're working from a place of experience.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:12

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you're going to, you know, when you swing a lot, you're gonna miss a lot, but you're gonna hit a lot more than you currently are when you barely swing. Yep. That's exactly that that's how the math plays out. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:25

I've got a challenge for the dads listening this week that I want to put out there that will help you to maybe start with this mindset shift. And that is to write down. So hopefully you're doing some journaling. If you're not into journaling, get into journaling. It's a really, really fun fantastic uh tool to help you mentally and emotionally. I want you to write down three things that you've provided your kids this week that prove that you are a man of safety and security. Okay, because these are the primal things that women are wanting. You already have them. This is a premium trait, you just don't know that you have them. I want you to write down three things that you provided for your for your kids that prove that you provide safety and security for your kiddos.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:18

And let me tack on one little piece. Once you write that down, uh-huh. Once you have that in place, realize that it would be ridiculous for you to apologize for this.

unknown 1:05:28

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:29

You should not be apolog, you should not be apologizing, you should be feeling proud of it. Yep. And you have to let that sink in, sit with it. Like it's it's sort of that that whole you know, the whole exercise where you have to look in the mirror and not, you know, not break eye contact with yourself. You gotta, you gotta let it in. This is one of those things. These are not things that you should be diminishing or putting to the side and definitely not apologizing for.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:53

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:53

To the contrary, these are things you want to let soak in. You want to let it become part of your identity, you want to become proud of it. And as a result, you start to feel more powerful as a result. Amen.

Competence, Management Mode, And Character

SPEAKER_01 1:06:05

All right, gentlemen, hopefully we did a good job of demonstrating and sharing with you the absolute reason that you have such status out there in the dating world. If you found some value in what we shared with you today, please share this episode far and wide. Give us a star rating, even better. Pause for just one minute and write us a comment. It makes the algorithms go crazy. It will help other guys to download, which is continuing to uptick every single week. Thank you for the new listeners in here. A reminder we have got the in-person here in Denver Metro QA, live QA with Dallas. He's given some free time. We're gonna be doing some in the field QA with Dallas with women around. It's gonna be phenomenal. That's coming up here February 19th. So just in a couple of weeks here. So don't miss that. You can get all the details at thedivorcedadvocate.com on our events page. And then at Dallas, when do you have like your next cohort going or your next meeting going at Black Box Dating?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

Uh, every Wednesday night we have our weekly mastermind session. It's happening all the time. You can uh jump on over to blackboxdating.com and sign up. You can you get a 14-day free trial, so you can check it out, see whether or not it's a good fit for you. But even better than that would be to come out to us. I believe we're doing at View House in Denver here. To come on out and particularly if you're still looking for that community, if you're still looking for your your halfway house, so to speak, as a as a divorce death. Let's call it an incubator. I don't like halfway incubator. Okay, that means it sounds like you are a criminal and now you're coming out of okay. Well, I guess that means Jude and I, we're we're we're not parole officers either. No, we're not. Okay, but if you're looking, but if you're looking for that community to provide the support and the structure and and to help get the the the to help rewrite the doubtful apologetic scripts inside of you and transform them into the things that you should be respecting, admiring about yourself, there's nothing like doing it in person uh to make that happen. So uh we hope to see you guys out there on Thursday. And Jude, it's been another awesome episode. Can't wait to uh to to have our next one next week.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:22

Yes, my friend. Take care.