37 - Emotional Parkour: The Tests Women Love to Throw at Men

Dating after divorce shouldn’t feel like an audit, yet so many dads find themselves fielding questions, jabs, and last-minute pivots that turn dinner into emotional parkour. We call them fortitude tests—moments where she checks whether your confidence is real, your standards are firm, and your calm isn’t just a first-date performance. In this conversation, we unpack why these tests happen, why they’re often a sign of interest, and how to respond without getting defensive or turning into a people-pleaser.

We dig into the deeper driver behind the tests: trust. She wants to relax, lean on you, and open up—but only if you’re steady when it counts. You’ll hear clear strategies you can use tonight. Lead with thoughtful planning that shows consideration without collapsing your frame. Invite honesty with specific, forward questions that make truth safe to share. Use agree-and-own humor to diffuse subtle digs while signaling rock-solid self-acceptance. And when needed, reframe and keep the plan—then pivot decisively if there’s a real constraint. We also explore polarity in modern dating, why many women stay stuck in masculine drive, and how to be the calm container that lets her soften without making you smaller.

We’re candid about red flags and walk-away power too. If the date becomes a one-way street of demands, endless testing, and zero curiosity, don’t negotiate your standards—leave with respect intact. On the flip side, learn to spot when she’s simply relaxing into a more fluid, playful mode; that’s your cue to lead warmly while keeping momentum. By the end, you’ll have a practical lens for reading tests, a toolkit for passing them, and a clear compass for knowing when to keep it light, when to hold the line, and when to head out.

If this brought clarity or saved a date, share it with a friend, subscribe for more grounded advice, and leave a review with the wildest test you’ve passed—we might feature it next week.

Transcript

Opening Banter And AI Jokes

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello, and welcome to Dad's Dating After a Divorce. The only podcast that reminds you that if you can survive a three-year-old's public meltdown over the wrong-shaped pasta, you can definitely survive a woman asking you why your ex-wife still has your Netflix password. My name is Jude Sandoval. I am the founder of The Divorced David Kit, and my co-host is the one and only Dallas Bluth founder of Black Box Dating. Hi there, Dallas. How are you doing? Good morning, Jude.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Okay, I I I know you're funny, but how much of that was you? How much of that was AI? Because that level of specific AI.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Oh man, never ever. AI is much funnier than I am. So so yeah, sometimes it is AI. Hey, hey, you know, I gotta tell you, some some of this AI music they got coming out, some of this AI comedian, like some of this stuff, they it's pretty amazing how they are able to figure out context to human nature and come up with some stuff. So yeah, that's interesting. But speaking of context and and coming up with stuff, we're gonna be talking about men's very exciting and fun topic of shit tests, okay? And that's what it's affectionately called, or I like to call it emotional

Defining “Shit Tests” As Fortitude Tests

SPEAKER_01 1:30

parkour for men who just want a quiet dinner.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

But I can hear the fork dropping onto the plate now in frustration and the face going into the two hands, going, why can't we just eat?

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Exactly. It's emotional parkour. That's the best way I can describe it. All right, guys. So so let us give you some context around this. If you are new to dating and which you probably are as a divorced dad, and uh you have no idea what a shit test is, you're already struggling, uh, you're back out there, and you feel like you might you're being audited by the IRS on a date, but the audit the thought but the auditor is hot and you don't want to screw things up, right? And and and so a a shit test or uh you can call like the better word for it, I would say, and the better description of it is a congruence test, right? I can we call it that, let's let it call it shit.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

It's a fortitude test. I think it's testing tests, it's testing your strength as a man because I I do think these tests are polarized. That they they tend to come one way from the feminine towards the masculine. They're testing the masculine fortitude. So I would call them a fortitude test, but okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

All right, I like that because it's not necessarily a a consciousness trap, if you will, but it's really a subconscious pressure test to see if you're if the if you're presenting as the man that you actually are. Is that a fair description?

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Fair, that's awesome. Because that's that's exactly because well that speaks to the the the deep question that women always have is can I trust this man? Can I trust this man to be what he's presenting himself to be? Or is is this just for show so that he can get in my pants? Women are always, always, always testing for this. And on a deeper level, they also want to know, even if you are totally into her and dedicated to her, they also want to know that you're behaving this way because this is part of your character, this is part of your identity, this is part of who you are as a man, not something you're doing to please her. The way you just please say it again, because that was such a good definition.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yeah, it's so it's a subconscious pressure test to see if you're presenting as the man you actually are.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Yeah. Are you presenting as the man you actually are? That that is what this is all about. And and I believe just to probably jump to the end of the episode, so that way we can make it a five-minute episode. If you if you are consistent and prove that you are the man that you're presenting to be, she'll be satisfied.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Like that, that's it. That that's the bottom line. And you can go back to eating, you can pick up the fork, you can you finish the parkour, you can get back to dinner, and she'll probably want to have sex afterwards.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Yeah, perfect. There we go. Thanks, guys. Tune in next week for more of your great advice from Dallas and June. Okay, so the the the the reason this is challenging for

Why Divorced Dads Feel It More

SPEAKER_01 4:40

divorce or divorcing dads, though, is and and why it hits a little harder is we've been out of this game for quite a while. Our confidence might be shaky. We've taken a hit, obviously, with the the ending of the relationship, but also taking a hit lots of times in life and finances and and everything else. And lots of times then we get into this nice guy kind of mindset uh post uh post-divorce because we want things to go smoothly, we want to get the female attention again. We quite might not know how to be showing up and or we might even not know who the man we are, right? Like we're like like we're talking about yet, which we go other episodes, guys. We talk about this, making sure that you've really done the work and figuring out who you are, what your belief system is, what your values are, all of that stuff, which you can be doing on the fly, and you can be doing it while recreationally dating. And there's other uh strategies around that that we've talked about in in on other episodes. But really, in this episode, in dealing with these fitness test, what you call it, fitness tests, fortitude tests, fortitude tests, your fortitude test that you really already gotta know. Because if you don't, it's gonna be a big, big challenge.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

But like yeah, I'm gonna push, I want to push back and ask a question here because you're you're presenting this as something that as a single dad, you're now facing. I I I just have to ask, when you're married, don't you get these tests thrown at you constantly, though? Yeah, which is part of the you might even be part of the reason you got divorced.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

I was just gonna say it's probably a large reason as to why you're divorced. So yeah, I I I agree. That's why I think it's an important episode because I don't think guys and and dads in particular really understand this. It's and and I would say we can extend this even Dallas to our kids. Our kids are giving us fortitude tests as well all of the time, uh in addition to to our wives, girlfriends, or or and and exes. And and it's and it's a and it's not a bad thing. So off the bat, guys, I I would say if you're thinking about this in the context of like, you know, why doesn't and we're gonna talk about whether it's healthy or whether it's not healthy coming up in a little bit. But if you're if you're thinking about this of like, like, why doesn't it relent or why doesn't life relent, etc. This is it, this is a fortitude test or a fitness test or or whatever of you as a man. So these are coming all the time in all areas of of your life. We're just we're gonna dial into the to the romantic area, but you can really apply this across you know, across all all relationships in your life.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

So well said. And and it's so true. The this is the romantic side is just a subset of the larger set of challenges that every man faces in his life. And if you're expecting or waiting or asking the question, when is it going to end? Guys, it's not.

The Deeper Question: Can She Trust You

SPEAKER_00 7:50

The the work is never done. Yeah, and that that is by design. Life is designed to challenge men so that we continue to grow stronger, bigger, the adventure gets larger, we're we're uncovering new discoveries all the time. This is all by design in life. And this subset in the dating life, this struggle, this test that we're going through, it's it's there to keep you in shape. And I'm not saying anything you didn't already say, dude. You articulated it so, so well.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yeah, no, so I I guess the mindset I'd like guys to think about when we're talking about this is welcome it. Almost, almost like like looking at the challenge in the face and smiling at it and saying, Bring it on. Okay, bring it on because I'm ready and I'm I'm solid, and this is gonna be lots of fun to deal with. Because if you have that mindset, you can make it fun. And we're gonna we're gonna talk that we're gonna talk about that not this section, but the section after. So let's talk about the biology behind it, because we did say it is sub, it is subconscious, and and it is, and it really is subconscious with with with women, and and you touched on it right at the beginning, which is this kind of the safety and security thing around women. They carry a greater risk in dating, uh, physically, emotionally, and this test is a vetting mechanism to see if you fold under pressure. So, like right off the right off the bat, that's it's in it's it it's biological.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

It it is it is there to see if we fold under pressure, but that's not the real reason they're doing it.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Okay, so first of all, women don't give shit tests, fortitude tests to men that they're not interested in. So, and and we mentioned this a couple episodes back. So realize that if the woman is busting your balls over dinner, giving you a hard time with these questions, just realize she's only doing that because she's interested in you. A woman who is not interested in you isn't going to bother engaging with you on this level. So, first of all, see it as a sign of engagement, yeah, positivity, and attraction. Realize that that's what's happening. You're already on, you're already winning if she's engaging with you this way.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Um the next part is let me see if I can follow the thread there. Shoot, I lost the thread.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Well, so so the other part, the second part to this, I'll say is everybody can be on their best behavior for one or two or three dates. So she needs to know if this cool guy persona is a mask or if it's actually who you are, going back to what we said. Like, are you the man that you're presenting that you are? So these are subtle subconscious ways that uh she's going to need to determine to make that determination, right? And unfortunately, and so this also goes to kind of our society as well, Dallas, is there are less things in our society these days that help to to sh to to formalize men being men like there were in tribal days. So some of this subconscious stuff is uh replacing some of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Yeah. It's easy now to take out a lease on a car rather than pay for it in cash. It's easy to to to run a credit card. It's easy to look like you're established and you've done the work when you actually haven't. Um I remember the point that I wanted to bring up, which is the woman isn't the woman's priority on the surface may look like it's testing the man to see where he's actually coming from. But underneath it, that's not really what's going on. Because she's genuinely interested, what she really wants to do is open up more. She wants to open herself up into you. She wants to lean on you more, she wants to become more vulnerable and more exposed. But before she does that, she has to test you to make sure that you actually are. She has to verify that you are what you present yourself to be. But the motivation behind that is she wants to relax, she wants to slip into the feminine, she wants to hand herself over to you on deeper and deeper levels. But before she does that, she wants to be sure it's safe to do that. That's really emotional stability.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

She's looking for that you're emotionally stable so that she can then be vulnerable and open up to you and that you're not gonna get butthurt just by a simple sarcastic comment. So if that's what's happening, then she knows that that's not a safe place for her to be able to open up and deepen, like we what like we always talked about, deepen that relationship

Biology, Safety, And Subconscious Vetting

SPEAKER_01 12:30

to to to take it to the next level. She's gonna keep it very, you know, very just very surface level, then if if if this is being if this is if if you're failing these tests, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Yep, absolutely. And she's also looking to see in in a certain sense, are you going are you going to maintain your standards? So if she's being a bit of a pain in the neck, if she's if she's being annoying, if she's pushing it, do you tell her to stop at a certain point? And you know, and we'll probably get into this later, is you don't let these don't let's yeah, let's get into it.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Let's let's like talk about some of these compliance tests.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Yeah, well, you don't you don't let these tests go on and on and on. It's perfectly fine for her to voice uh you know a question and all of that. But at a certain point, you listen to yourself or the man and you say, you know what, I've answered enough of this for the moment. Lay off. You know, stop busting my balls here. Stop laying into me so hard, or I'm gonna, or I'm just gonna leave. I'm gonna remove myself from the situation for the evening or or flip in permanently, you know. And and that's you setting your standard as a man saying, I'm not gonna, I will, I will prove and verify and vet that I am what I say that I am, and I'm not going to do it endlessly because I shouldn't have to.

unknown 13:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

There's a there's a balance between those two, and to have that standard in yourself is also what she wants to see is that you respect yourself enough to not put up with an endless amount of questions.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Right. One of the flavors of these tests is a compliance test, if if you will, that it's she's gonna try to make you do something that's slightly inconvenient to see how you react. For for instance, like, hey, I don't like this place. Let's drive 20 minutes to to to some other place just to see if you're, like you said, if you're gonna be that nice guy, if you're just gonna be pleasing her, or if you're going to be able to stand your ground and you know subtly say, hey, you know, you're gonna love this place when you have uh the appetizers or when you have this or or or whatever else, and then just let it go. Don't argue, don't get into bait, don't get butthurt, or don't just bend over and you know drive to the next place 20 minutes to be a pleaser.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

Yeah, the the tricky part is knowing when it's a legitimate, valid uh request that she's making versus one that's sort of concocted for the evening as a test. That can be really hard on a subtle level to pick up on the differences. Yeah. I I I know, you know, I mean, particularly when it comes to food, like you know, a lot of women these days, at least, you know, around here in Colorado, oh, I'm you know, I don't eat gluten, I've I don't have this, I don't eat that. I've got, you know, there's a there's a million things that you have to, you know, try and try and account for, you know, in the decision making. And a lot of them are legit. And you know, the the flip side too to that particular compliance test is women do want to see that you are a considerate man. They want to see that you're taking into account her preferences and things like that. So, you know, and a lot of guys they they kind of suck at the consideration, they kind of suck at planning in ways that where the woman feels like, oh, he listened to me when I said I'm a vegetarian and he picked a spot that would work well for both of us. Like a lot of guys out of the gate kind of fail at that. And let's just say that's not a shit test. That's her telling you who she's like and you failing to create an invitation that that is appropriately compatible with the woman. Right. Um, so I'm I just I just want to throw that out there. Like that's fair.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

And I don't think we're talking about like you should be paying attention and hopefully she's communicating what her needs are up front and saying, hey, I'm that's a big deal. I'm gluten-free.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

I just want to keep those in balance. Yeah. Because it's it's easy for guys to point the I see this all the time with my clients. Guys get frustrated, point the finger, and say, Oh, well, she's she's giving me these shit tests. She's, you know, she's giving me a hard time. Guys, before you do that, make sure that you're actually doing your part and being considerate. Right. Because otherwise, you're just you're entrenching the two of you on opposite ends. That doesn't lead to connection, it doesn't lead to the right

Interest Signals And Consistency Over Time

SPEAKER_00 16:45

to the to the chemistry that everybody enjoys.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Yeah. And if you're doing that, and if you're taking the lead, and if you're making a plan and you're thinking this through, making the invites like you, like you, you talk about, and inviting her into something absent all of that other stuff, then if you start to get one of these shit tests, then you know that that's truly what it is. And you can keep your frame and say, and and and we've talked about this before. Also, I can't tell you the number of times where I got some mild resistance or some balking about doing something or going somewhere, and then after the fact, one's like, oh, that was really a lot of fun. Like, yeah, I know.

unknown 17:31

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

So, so just know, guys, this is again, look at it in for for what it is, smile at it and respond in in kind in the in in in a way that just makes you, and and we can talk about, we'll talk about the how to how to pass these as as as well in the in the next session. But just you know, don't get upset about it. That's the the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Yeah, yeah. Well, you don't want to get upset in general. I mean, if you're not happy, remove yourself from the situation, but don't get upset in the situation. That will not lead to anything good. There's another side to some of these tests, though, that that I'm realizing that it's not it's not a test towards me as a man, though, but it can feel like one. And that is in American society, a lot of women are very activated in their own masculine energy. So it can feel a lot like the two of you are butting heads, locking horns, and you're you're kind of fighting for the steering wheel in a lot of situations. Yeah. And I I've been on several dates with women where they don't feel comfortable unless they're in the driver's seat making decisions.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

And I I'm not gonna, um that doesn't to me Even though their dating profile said, I want to be in my feminine and put me in my feminine, da-da-da-da, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Well, I want to be in my feminine and I know how to be in my feminine are two very different statements.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

I think most women in the US would say they'd like to be in their feminine.

unknown 18:57

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

And I would say there are a lot of women that that, you know, that are the boss babes in the high power jobs that don't know how to slip into their feminine. But they might think they are, or they're, you know, they're they're they're looking the part, they're dressing the part, but that doesn't mean that they've tapped into the sensual softness of femininity.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

But but I just want to throw that out there that that can be a whole nother thing where it's really she might not realize that she's charging ahead, taking charge, particularly if she's a single mom. You know, she's very much used to being in that role. That can be another situation where this isn't this has nothing to do with you as a man. This isn't even her testing you. This is her just acting in the same old pattern and mode and energy that she's used to being in 99% of the day.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Yeah. Well, and here's another that's another thing is this may be, this may have been something, fellas, that was a relational dynamic in your marriage that you were not aware of because it is a relational dynamic that is prevalent, like you said, in our society in in general, is the boss babies don't know how to turn it off when they get home or and or s or shift or gears or whatever you want to, whatever you want to call it. And and likewise with with with dads too, that might be watching kids more often or Mr. Mom or whatever that might be. So so yeah, just pay attention. That's a that's a a really, really good point. Um, I want to c I want to talk, Dallas, about a couple other flavors of this before we get into the the the pillars I'm calling of of how to pass these these tests. But another flavor is kind of that little subtle dig, that maybe little slam that that she might say, hey, that's uh an interesting shirt to wear on a date, or or something, something to to to to that effect. So, you know, it might seem like she's offending you or or and and but and the biggest thing is to not start like over-explaining yourself on these and not getting offended, but that's another one. The ex-husband

Setting Standards And Ending Endless Tests

SPEAKER_01 21:05

comparison uh is one, bringing up a flaw of her ex to see if you jump to defend yourself, or the worst, overcompensate. And and then another one is ghosting or silence, not texting you back for a day, uh to spot to see if you spiral into are you are you mad at me or why aren't you texting me or whatever, blah blah blah. So those are kind of just the some of the flavors around the the fitness or the um the fortitude fitness shit tests that that you're gonna see. But there's a myriad of them. One of them, Dallas, and I'll I'll share one of my personal favorites that just makes me laugh all the time is when you're out with a woman and you might be window shopping or shopping or whatever. This is usually probably further into a relationship. And she hands you her purse to hold to hold while she does something or tries something on. This is my ultimate favorite shit test. And then and then and and like this used to annoy the crap out of me. Like I'd like I'd I'd be like, am I a, you know, what am I, like a shelf or or whatever? Until I started shifting around on it and then like embracing it and being silly with it. But that's what are there are there any other sh ones that you that you have or you know that that are some of your favorites?

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Yeah, well, first of all, let me just speak to the purse. Okay, so if a woman hands you your if a woman hands you her purse, you're a vault, you're the safest place to put her most valuable object right there. And she wants to know someone's looking out for it, and she wants to be free to be able to try on outfits and everything and know that you've safely secured her private possessions. I don't see that as a shit test. I see that as a demonstration of trust. Interesting. Okay. I definitely would say that way. If she's setting her purse on a counter or something somewhere, she has to track it. If she hands it to me, she's not worried if I'm gonna ruffle through it, probably. Like she, you know, I think about this actually all the time if I'm at a restaurant. When someone gets up to use the restroom, what do they take with them or leave behind?

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

That always tells me a lot. You know, I take my phone with me, mostly because I just don't want anyone else responsible for it. But to me, it's very interesting how many articles or things a woman will leave at the table versus take with her, because I see it as a direct correlation of her trust in me, not only of will I violate her privacy and look through her purse or something like that, but it will also it also tells me that she trusts me to look after her stuff while she's not looking. To me, it's a sign of relaxation and trust. That that for me is when a woman has me a purse. Okay. I want to come back, I want to come back to the to the passive-aggressive comments, like, oh, that's an interesting choice of shirt, you know, on this date. Okay. So, okay, let me just pause here. They are today is the day they're taking down the scaffolding on my building. So I might I don't know if anyone's gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

If you're listening for the first time, Dallas lives on a construction site. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

However, the scaffolding is coming down, like it will end today. So hopefully, hopefully you won't hear any of it. Hopefully, this will be the last one.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

I can't even hear a thing. So except for your the wheels in your head spinning when uh they are dragging planks going on across the roof right now.

unknown 24:34

It's

Compliance vs Consideration: Planning Well

unknown 24:35

bad.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

So when it comes to the passive aggression comments, so she might be meaning it like a dig, like you're saying, but but also realize that through everybody in society is trained and told to be nice. And that's part of the reason that we can slip into passive and passive aggressive speech sometimes, is that we're we're making an attempt to be nice. And she might not mean it as a dig at all. She might be trying to make some comment about it, but she doesn't feel comfortable being truthful because women are expected to be way more nice than men are. It's it's accepted that nice that guides can be just kind of like, no, not gonna take that. Where for a woman, she has to, she has to try extra hard to do that. My response when I get a passive aggressive comment like that, I can take it as a dig, I can take it as an attack on me, or I can recognize it for what it is, which is an insecurity, she's not sure that it's okay for her to say the truth, I can invite her and make her comfortable going, you know, well, what you know, what kind of a shirt do you think I'd look at it? And that's an invitation to her to tell me what she's really thinking and to unload the whole comment. If you're if if you're able to do it, that you know, and and there, I mean, I'd be there, if I respond that way to that kind of a passive comment, or she says something about like, oh, well, I guess some people, you know, I guess some people don't do dishes the way others do. And it's like, tell me what your process for doing dishes is because I love for them to be spotless.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

Yeah. When that's my thing. I mean, I am those statements that I made, I am demonstrating in the first one. I'm the kind of man that makes you look good when you're with me, period, full stop. That's the statement that I'm really making. And two, tell me what that looks like for you because it might look different for other women. And the other side is I keep I keep a tight ship. I like things to be clean, I like things to be neat, I like, I like the woman I'm with to not be distracted when we're in bed later because the dishes aren't quite the way she wants them. I want to know all these things. This is part of who I am as a man. Notice that I am unhooking these tests immediately by coming back to your original statement, showing her that I am the man that I present myself to be.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

So you're saying that you can mitigate it by asking questions, basically, of what is it that you what is it that you or how do what you what kind of shirt do you think would look good, or how do you do the dishes, or whatever. It diffuses kind of the whole situation and is inquisitive into her mindset and her thinking about what's go what's going on. So when you say that, Dallas, it that strikes me as helping to understand whether or not this is a shit test or if this is just her being a pain in the ass.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

Well, I'm not sure. Either way, I'm bringing clarity to the situation. And technically I am asking her a question, but I'm not saying, tell me more what you mean by that. That's a really neutral therapy session type question. That doesn't say a whole lot. When I'm saying, well, you know, what do you what kind of shirt do you think would look good on me? I'm in that question, I'm stating I want to look good with you. And and that question is formed in a way where it's not, it's not a why question. I'm not pushing it back on her. I'm inviting her to be honest with me in the areas that she maybe didn't feel comfortable being fully honest. And what I'm really demonstrating is girl, this door is open. I want you to be honest with me. I'm gonna make you feel comfortable being honest with me. That it and so it's not just it's not just responding with a question, because questions I could I could respond with a passive-aggressive question on my end, which is what happens in a lot of marriages, and you know, and and stuff gets bad. You have to ask questions that are making statements showing what your priorities are, and you're making questions that are inviting her to reveal the truth, and you're invite you're you're showing her in the question that it's safe for her to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Yeah, I like that. Number one, just don't get defensive. I think that's what you've got to say. So so you you you you don't get defensive. I like that.

Masculine-Feminine Polarity And Role Clash

SPEAKER_01 28:50

I'm I'm more of the agree and exaggerate type, right? Like so that's that's one of that's one of the things.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

I think that's called deflection.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

No, no, it's not, no, it's not deflection. It's like you know, you take the you take the the kind of subtle dig and you just amplify it, and then you exaggerate it even more. So an example would be like you're kind of a dork, and then you'd be like, kind of, I'm like the president of the local dork chapters. Like, okay, that's cool. Or or yeah, or or whatever. Whatever it is, you take it and you amplify it. Like you don't like, you know, that's you know, whatever it might, whatever it might be. And so it's just it's called agree and amplify. And it's just it's a humorous way to deflect any kind uh it is a it is a form of deflection. It doesn't it doesn't it doesn't deepen the relationship, but it does well so but it does allow you to just come up with humor and sure that you're like not but you're not getting bothered about saying somebody saying something about you.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Yeah. Well, yeah, okay, so so now that I hear an example of it, what what I'm hearing in that statement is I'm saying yes, I'm agreeing, and then but I'm not agreeing partially. I'm agreeing completely. Like I'm the president of the dork society, whatever it is, I'm I'm I'm not owning it partially. Because again, if this is a test to see if you really are the man that you present yourself to be, and I own it partially, that means there's a part of me that you're not seeing, and she's going to partly trust you.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

If you if you agree with it and you go, absolutely, I always dress in my underpants like this or whatever it is. And you have and you have no problem going all the way to the bottom. You're opening, you're opening your windows, your doors all the way, and you're saying, This is me, baby. There don't don't wonder about this. That's full transparency. When you're when you're doing that, she don't, she doesn't, she's like, okay, we've gone all the way to the bottom, we've gone to the back of the closet, we've done, we've we've we've got it all out. I'm not wondering anymore whether you know what kind of a man I'm dealing with. I believe what I'm seeing because he's owned it all the way.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Yep, exactly. Exactly. So there's there's no there's there's no questions around whether you're comfortable with yourself uh or or not, or what your belief or your value could be because it's they this can be a comment on anything. It can be a a value, it can be a shirt choice, it can be how you show up or or anything. So you know who you are, and if you just agree and you just but the the dig is that so so if you're getting defensive, then that means that that that that you're like feeling like, well, that might not be true, or I don't know who I am, or I want her to plu I want to I she might think poorly of me if this is in fact true. So then you get defensive and you start like coming up with stuff. If you are comfortable with who you are, whether or not if it whether or not if you are a dork or not, like if you just agree with her and amplify it, you already you're demonstrating that you already know who you are. And it doesn't matter what she's describing or what her little dig might be, you're comfortable with like just agreeing and amplifying it and just letting it go.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

Yeah, yeah. I would say agree and own it fully. I I don't even know that I'm amplifying, I'm just owning it all the way. Yeah. And well, and and then and exaggerate, just exaggerate, like exaggerate. Yeah, go all the way. Like yeah, yeah, be because what you don't want to do is apologize for who you are.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

That so many of these, what would you what would you call them? So many of these concessions or partial commitments or you know, the nuances back and forth. I'm sorry, that's that's not being confident and simple in your frame. You need to own it unapologetically. And then you have to ask yourself, okay, is this something about myself that I don't like and I'm looking to change? Great. Own that. Own that reality of it. Yeah, I'm 40 pounds overweight, and I'm and I am in the process of losing it. When you own it that way, or it's like, yeah, well, you know, I I met I met a guy the other night working at a movie theater. He was similar age to me, good guy and everything. And I didn't really ask, but we started chatting. And he said, Oh, yeah, he was a prospector, like a like like for fun, he would go panning for gold and stuff. And I asked him about it. And he used to work for the government in some kind of surveying capacity, had like a long-term career, and with the administration change, he didn't he didn't like it so much, and he left.

Common Test Flavors And Texting Silence

SPEAKER_00 33:40

And he and he said it was a lot harder finding a job than he realized. So he took this job at the movie theater, like you know, shoveling popcorn, and temporarily until he finds the next job. And I just have to say, like, there was a part of me that wondered because he didn't fit with all of the other 18, 19, 20-year-olds. Right, right. Like it didn't fit. But when he just when he just told the story and he didn't apologize, he was like, Yeah, you know, I you know, that this this was the next step until I find the right thing. And I was like, I've got nothing for but respect for that. Because life isn't a straight upward trajectory, you know, it goes up and down. But the fact that he just owned it, the fact that he made no apologies for it, made me respect him like you know, that much more.

SPEAKER_01 34:27

Right. And well, and the key to that is knowing who you are. So no matter what somebody says to you, and again, this crosses many relational lines, not just romantic relations. No matter what somebody says to you, you're confident in who you are. So you can you can just say you can just agree and exaggerate, or you can do the next one, which is kind of reframe things, right? Like change the context of the of the test.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

So let me, yeah, I I agree with that. And let me tack on one more piece that I feel is important is we never fully know ourselves as people and particularly as men. True. And sometimes these questions, these digs, these tests that are coming from women might touch on a piece that we don't know that well about ourselves yet. Because there's always going to be areas that we haven't discovered. Yeah, you can own that too. And it sounds something like, you know, I haven't really I haven't really explored that, I haven't really thought about that. Let me think about that and get back to you because that does actually sound like it's important. That's owning it. Owning not knowing is owning it.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

Right. Well, and so the way that I would I would encourage the dads that are listening to know when that is something that is true is if you get if you have a an initial emotional response to whatever is said to you. So if it makes you angry or worried or fearful or or or something else that gives you a pretty strong immediate response. Just know that that's struck something where your your your first response, you want to be defensive, but don't your your comment of huh, okay, that's that's interesting. I hadn't thought about that. Maybe I need to to to think about it. So maybe if they don't like your Hawaiian shirt that you wear every, you know, in the winter and you wear in the summer, and you wear not only to Hawaii, but you wear it in New York City and everywhere else. If it's straight, if it if you get an emotional reaction to somebody commenting on that, then maybe you need to take inventory around whether or not you should wear a Hawaiian shirt all of the time to every event.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

And cargo pants, those two cargo pants. Cargo pants.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

Yeah. Right. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

Uh yeah, when whenever you have a reaction to something as opposed to a measured response, that is definitely a red flag that there is something waiting below the surface to be dug up and uncovered. And I would I would also say there's an opportunity when you have those moments. Now, obviously, it depends on the degree how strong the reaction is. If you're like flying off the handle, I think what you said is really perfect. I think if it if it's a more mild one and you're used to doing it, and you want to actually exercise vulnerability and connection and do an even better pass of the test in the moment, you could say something like, Can I be honest with you? Like, I'm feeling slightly pissed right now because this is one of my favorite shirts, and I'm just now realizing it's maybe not that attractive to you. No, no, the fact Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I like that. Now, the fact that you, as a man, like you laughed at that. We only laugh because you can relate to that moment and the way that I said it. If I had said something like, I'm not sure what you said exactly, but hmm, let me pause and let me explore that. It's very neutral, it's very

The Purse As Trust And Reading Signals

SPEAKER_00 37:55

safe. Safe, neutral things do not create connection. Can I be honest for a minute? Like, this is one of my favorite places to go. I can't believe that you think it's total crap. This is really disappointing. I had high hopes with the two of us. What are we gonna do now? Notice how again, yeah, there I took it to the hyperbole, you know, the exaggeration. I quote unquote amplified it. Yeah, that is me going to the bottom of the barrel and scraping out all the crap, laying it out in front of her to show her Dallas has nothing to hide.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

Yeah, and I and I was laughing so hard because what was going through my mind is I have daughters. So like I get this stuff all day long. So I might have like the cool, like, like I like hats, and I had a hat on, and then my daughter was like, you look like the guy in the sound music. Like total dogamy on it. And then and then and then my other daughter was like, What? I'm like, you know, she was being sweet and defensive, but like if you have teenage, if you have teenage kids and you're getting this stuff all day long from from your teen kids.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

Okay, okay, let's bring up another point. And I know we're I know we're we're eating up the hour, and we're probably not even a quarter of the way through your list. But this is a re this is really, really important point, is particularly like my favorite shirt, you know, the hat, the shoes, whatever. I have I have had I have had many women tell me a shirt looks amazing, and then other women tell me that shirt looks awful on me. Oh, yes, yeah. The same shirt. So what that means is you can't win, you can't do it, quote unquote, right. You can't win them all. So you just gotta own what it is that you're doing and realize that some of this is just people's preferences. Yeah. And and that's part of the that's part of the separation is okay, she prefers Asian fruit food versus Mexican food, or she prefers, you know, vegetarian to whatever. These are preferences, and and to realize that my preferences can and will be different than hers in a lot of situations, state it that way and don't apologize for what you prefer.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

Yeah, and that's why I'm more inclined to be less inquisitive about what she thinks and more like just agree and exaggerate or or reframe or or or whatever else I'm I'm I'm going to do. Because look, like some women like long hair. I remember when I had long hair, like the and then I cut it. The women that love long hair were like, oh my god, you cut your hair. And the women who like short hair were like, oh my God, you look so much better. Or when I have a beard, or when I don't have a beard, it's like, oh, you like I don't like it. Oh, I do like it. It's like, you know, just just be what you do, be who you are, like what you like. I mean, there's maybe some stuff you can work around, you know, the cargo pants in the Hawaiian shirt, you probably need to mix in some other, you know, there's stuff that you can do, but just own it, like you said, and be who you are.

SPEAKER_00 41:03

Yeah. And and things like style are those are changeable facial hair, you know, length of hair. That's all

Handling Digs: Invite Honesty, Stay Calm

SPEAKER_00 41:10

changeable. That doesn't speak to a man's character.

SPEAKER_02 41:12

You know, right.

SPEAKER_00 41:13

Most of these shit tests are about character. Um, they're about are you the man that you really, you know, you really appear to be. Um, when it comes to a woman's preferences, though, I'm I'm just going to put myself at the other end of the spectrum. I, if I'm interested in the woman, I absolutely want to know what her preferences are, because that's part of her playbook. That's part of her manual. I want to know what actually lights her up. I want to know what turns her on. I want to know what those things are. I know I love it when a woman asks me, Dallas, you know, how do you like me to dress? Dallas, how do you like me to do my hair? What it when she tells me those, when when she's inviting me to tell with her, to tell her my preferences, to tell her how I think she's attractive, it's because she wants to be as effective as possible in attracting me. In reciprocation, I want to know what her preferences are because I want to do as good a job as I can at attracting her, lighting her up, and making her feel light and gay and happy inside.

SPEAKER_01 42:09

So it do you feel like it's okay then to to be asking for free for feedback on stuff like, hey, what do you think of my shirt? Do you like my shirt or do you like my hat? Or what do you is that or is that not keeping with who you are and kind of what your what your persona is?

SPEAKER_00 42:26

Slip slippery slope. Am I trying to dress that way in order to please her and get her to like me? That's not good. That's that's being a nice guy, that's that's adapting um completely to her. Am I asking because I honestly think she has good fashion sense and I want to know what she thinks? That's different. And that's talking about fashion in itself and not necessarily me. Like, what do you think about, you know, like I remember I wore I wore sort of tan khaki colors and black one day, and I wasn't quite sure what I thought about how it all went together. I wanted, you know, a woman's honest opinion. What do you think about how these colors go together? We're not really talking about Dallas, we're talking about fashion. We're talking about does this work or not? Kind of like you would about interior design. And then asking her about, well, what do you like? What do you find attractive? And then I have what I find attractive in myself. I I I separate all of these as separate categories and bring them together into a beautiful woven fabric.

SPEAKER_01 43:24

Yeah. Okay. Let's let's talk about the the the last pillar, if if you will, which is the the reframe, changing the the context of the test. So let's say she's balking about the restaurant. You can say something like, Hey, I like your fire, but you're gonna love the the manicotti here. Like, you know, you're you're kind of changing the the context of what she's questioning, and then you're moving it, you're you're keeping your frame, and so you're reframing her, you're reframing her whatever, whatever. her shit test is, but you're keeping your frame and staying on course.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

Yeah. Again, this is, I think there's a lot of subject.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

So my my opinion, this is the most challenging one because it does go into it's usually it's usually around prep maybe preference, right? Like a restaurant or or an activity or something else. But I would also say that it is high risk but is also the most highest reward, especially if it works out really well. If you can reframe and you can keep your frame and then she enjoys it like we said and then and she didn't think and then she might have been a little bit like stodgy about and maybe a little bit disgruntled about the fact that you were keeping your frame but then she likes it. Dude, that's a home run. And then you're like oh yeah oh yeah that's good. But there is a high risk if it's a a preference thing like you said and I I don't like Italian or Mexican or whatever it is and you know she struggles to find something on the menu then then that ends up being not good.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

So I mean there's so many there's so many different situations that that that that could be playing out here. I would actually I would actually start with kind of the worst case scenario is is she being a little princess or being a little brat. I'm going to start with that. If if I if I feel like she's being all about her rather than about the date you know if she's like well if we eat here you know I like I might get an allergy thing and like break out in something obviously pick a different restaurant go somewhere else. Yes. Right. You know but well but I'm I'm saying that like if if there's a really strong preference like you know gluten really she's gonna she's not gonna feel good later or whatever. It's you know I mean change change the place. But if she's like oh well I don't know you know there was this and there was that and you know you can tell that she's all about her. And that's really what this is. If she's all about her well do you really want to send her the message that it is all about her? Because it's not you know even doesn't matter how how cute she is it's not all about her. And and the question is what are you communicating to her? Yes this is all about you and yes I will adapt and change and all of that. Or no this is not all about you we're gonna waste a bunch of time. So the I I okay so so that's kind of like the bottom the worst case scenario is she's being a little a little

Agree And Own It Fully, With Humor

SPEAKER_00 46:30

self-centered princess.

SPEAKER_01 46:31

Right. And I think you can there's going to be other there's going to be a myriad of signs throughout the date that are going to that are going to demonstrate this. So if you're really questioning is it is she being a princess or is she so is she self-absorbed it's gonna it's gonna happen in the conversation because she's never going to be asking questions about you. Like you're gonna be able to pick that up pretty pretty quickly in in in your discourse with her.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

Yeah but to your point for a lot of the single dads listening that are coming back on the dating market look for that and and stand tall and strong and firm in in juxtaposition to that.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

Right. So that's a that so this example is one if she is being a princess where you do want to keep your reframe it and and you do want to keep your frame and you want to joke about it or or whatever, but stick with what your plan is and and and do it.

SPEAKER_00 47:27

If she's being a more or less selfish petulant child, treat her like a child that is being that way and don't give in because you know what happens when you give in yeah you put them into well you'd say no that that's not what's going to happen here. Yeah you know we're we're not going to give in to that because that then she's going to expect you to give in every time that she acts that way. Now if we take it up a step I think there is a general tendency of women particularly when they're with a masculine man there's a tendency for them to relax and become more fluid and suddenly I'm not ready to go and I said I was ready to go and I'm in a different mood and and that that's a good sign because rather than them being rigid and masculine and driven the entire time in their in that masculine energy they're relaxing and shifting and it's like oh I don't know if I'm in the mood for this. Okay now now that's again that is definitely a subconscious energy that's coming out and when you run into that you do want to lead it and go trust me on this one I think you're really gonna like this.

SPEAKER_01 48:29

Yeah that that's just a nice easy way because I like rules like you like you know Dallas I call that the quantity rule right if she's never softening if she's always just doing this and she's not like being malleable and then you know being vulnerable and opening up about new stuff like that then that just means that she's she's she's not she's just a petulant little child or or or or a princess. So if it's nonstop then that's the quantity rule it's just always going to be like that.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

We absolutely and and here I'm I'm talking about a slightly different level where the woman isn't being self-absorbed. She's she's more just lost in her own moment. And I see and she is sensitive to you but she's kind of flowing differently and oh I don't know if I'm in the mood for that or what about this and just random comments, random suggestions, you know, topic shifting you know every five minutes to something completely different. She'll start stories in the middle of something that happened at work and drop a name that you don't know. I mean we've all been there as men where it's like what is this this this is how the feminine just jumps around sometimes. And and that is not her necessarily being a princess that's just her relaxing into the feminine energy.

SPEAKER_01 49:45

And yeah and a lot yeah I was gonna say a lot of women are are like that that's just consciousness of thought and the way that I contextualize this is that I'm just the cons I'm the container allowing that to to to move around and sort around but in that container I'm still deciding where we're going to dinner and how we're getting there and what time we're doing it and and sticking to that even though she might be like well what about this or this is happening or or whatever like you're describing. So I get what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 50:18

Absolutely and this is where the conscious mind and the male ego can have a reaction where she's suggesting something else and you're like but we decided we planned I got something I made reservations that's where our reaction can kick in. And to your point the word container is really really good we're that frame we're the container we're driving in a straight line allowing her to go in circles while we get her there.

SPEAKER_01 50:42

Right and guardrails the the banks of a river like whatever you want to describe and think of yourself guys this is what we are.

SPEAKER_00 50:50

And and and your physical arms every woman in their feminine energy loves to be held that's that every one of them will say that you are holding her literally and allowing her to be wild you're it's funny you're allowing

Self-Knowledge, Triggers, And Vulnerability

SPEAKER_00 51:05

her to be free and you're calming her simultaneously when you do this. And so when you're when you're at the the you know the hostess stand and it's gonna be you know a 20 minute wait or who knows what and she's and she's going all over the place realize your job is to embrace her in this moment. And are you taking care of the two of you best by saying trust me it'll be worth it. You're gonna love it. Give her your jacket to keep her warm something like that. Or you realize you know what it's time to shift courses here because you know we're both really hungry and this is a waste of time.

SPEAKER_01 51:38

That's yeah that's the ult that's the ultimate is that you have enough self-respect to be able to walk away. So going through whether this is a red flag or or if it's a shit test that's you've got to you've got to always at any at any time be have enough self-respect knowing enough about who you are what your values are to be able to say goodbye and and walk and walk away at any time. And that's like not only just in the beginning of these relationships but if in the middle of a relationship or sometime further down the road in a relationship you've got to you've got to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 52:18

Yeah and the question I ask myself is you know on a scale of one to ten how much do I enjoy this woman's company what is the quality of my experience when I'm with this woman and if it reaches below a certain threshold it's just not worth it for me. She might be beautiful I might be very attracted to her but if I'm not enjoying her company I'm ultimately not going to get what I want I'm I'm just well unless you want to have emotional parkour every single day.

SPEAKER_01 52:46

And if you want to have emotional parkour every single day. I mean some parkour is fun right if I had to do parkour every single day like getting out of my office having a conversation with her like I that would be just exhausting. So so so so yeah so so to take that back if you if you want if you want to have some quiet dinners and you're not getting quiet dinners and it's emotional parkour nonstop then that's probably a time to walk away.

SPEAKER_00 53:11

For me it is at least and and even and in in healthy relationships and I know you're being tongue in cheek here but in in healthy enjoyable relationships you're still going to have the challenge you're still going to have the parkour yeah it's just gonna be a more fruitful parkour as opposed to one where you feel like you're draining your battery is slowly getting drained every day and never getting filled back up to 100 absolutely okay so I want we've been getting some good feedback from emails and and communications on on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 53:39

I want to hear some of the craziest we talked about I talked about the purse one you actually didn't share any of your uh favorite shit tests and maybe we could close on one of your favorite shit tests but I want to hear from the dads listening any of their favorite yeah shit tests that that they maybe they don't maybe they didn't recognize there were shit tests until they listened to to what we had to share today. And so maybe this can take some self-reflection and journaling which would be a good thing but when you finally figure those out guys yeah we want to we want to hear what those are yeah yeah we really do.

SPEAKER_00 54:11

You know I I've been thinking about this during this episode is you know some of the shit tests that I experience and I I think I think I I tend to date a certain type of woman that just doesn't do those shit tests.

SPEAKER_01 54:24

I I get challenged where do you meet all these women because I want to meet one of them just one of them because my dating is emotional parkour.

SPEAKER_00 54:34

Well I think well so maybe it's a combination of maybe it's a combination of the type of woman that I date is is a little more chill natural relaxed. They're not as you know you know high end of town there they're I'm I'm turned off by women that are all about financial and money status. I'm just turned off by them I'm not interested. Women that are not pursuing that tend to have sort of different different kinds of shit tests. And I think the other part of it is I show up with a certain vibe that women are like yeah this feels like Dallas is what he presents to be and I'm very consistent. I I don't feel mostly I feel him relaxing into me and going wow it's so easy normally I don't share this much that's the feedback I normally get on dates. So I that so for them to go like well so what do you you know it's like I we don't get there they're they're too relaxed to like to to to give me those tests.

SPEAKER_01 55:28

Interesting and I think we we were talking we were just actually just talking about this the other night about how we attract kind of different types of women and I try I I attract the complete opposite which is the one you described earlier is very in her masculine has been in her masculine for a very long time and getting out of that masculine is very hard and it takes a little while but then once they once they do they're I every woman has this feminine nature. Once they do they they they are but for me it it takes the a lot of those shit tests before getting them to emotionally relax and and fall into that safety part.

SPEAKER_00 56:05

Yeah interesting because yeah because no I because I run into that a lot too it's it's it's prevalent in all areas of of American society that women have to almost for survival

Reframing While Keeping Your Frame

SPEAKER_00 56:15

purposes be in a very activated masculine place inside themselves. I run into that all the time and a lot of times it the woman is there and she's very self-aware of the fact that she wants to relax and she can and she doesn't know how and she's forgotten. And I said I said yeah I can I can feel it and that is definitely something that I want to be able to experience with you you know going forward. And then we'll have you know a few to a handful more dates and it's still exactly where it was and there's a limitation on my attraction to her because she's not opening up that element and she's not she's not choosing to lean into it. Right for me for me though there's no tests on my end. She isn't really kind of like throwing around back and forth she's very aware of it. And unfortunately she's just stuck in it.

SPEAKER_01 57:04

I want to point out something that you just said that the dads have to recognize you're not gonna fix her so don't even try. Like you said that you hey I noticed this and whatever that's the work that she needs to do and she needs to figure out and like Dallas said if it happens ongoing then it's just not somebody that that I'm going to be around and you have to be able to to to walk away to to say goodbye. This isn't this isn't serving me this isn't working me in a in a respectful nice way but you have to to to be able to to do that. That's really really important. All right my friend that was uh good and and maybe next maybe next week or in in the near future we'll talk about we can talk about some of some strategies to getting them to relax into that maybe we can do that next week like some real specific things that that we can do on that that helps them to just feel that like we're talking about dealing with shit tests that's definitely one of them that that we can do but there's some some there are are some things that you can initiate and there's some proactive things that that you can do that can actually help that and and prompt that up front that you're not waiting for a shit test that that that that can help open that up and open her up to feeling safer and and secure around uh around you because that's ultimately you want to get to that to that softness right that's what you do that's what you that's what you want you want that that's that soft that that soft inner warm underbelly yeah yeah exactly part uh part of her and to to your point that's that's hard for a lot of women in our society that's just kind of built in unfortunately these these days uh with the message around women so so we can take an an active role in in how we allow that to happen. So maybe we'll talk about that next week.

SPEAKER_00 59:03

But good stuff my friend as always did you have anything else you wanted to add that was oh shoot that was there was one point that we brought up at the beginning that I wanted to bring back and it's slipping my mind. So no we're gonna say that's all for this week. Thank you. It would it would be great to talk about how to soften women and we can do our part to make it as easy as possible but don't go setting expectations that that will that will somehow just work. It it it's on them ultimately to to choose and decide and you know it's one of the challenges in modern dating I I partner with a female dating coach Emerald Sinclair and this is I think top of the list of items that she works on with her clients is how to help a woman slip in back into her feminine back into her flowing sensual state back into her heart back into her feeling. Women are this is a puzzle for them that they're trying to figure out and it's very difficult and we can only make it as attractive as possible for them to step into that place. But we'll uh we'll dive into more of that next week yep sounds perfect.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:07

Find more information about Dallas and the great work and if you want to uh pick up more of these pearls like a whole armload of pearls of wisdom from him go to blackboxdating.com get involved in his community there and check out our events calendar with uh the events that we've got one couple few we got still a few weeks left before we got our next QA with Dallas but check that out at the divorcedavic dot com scroll all the way to the bottom there is an events tab there and you can check out everything you can actually click on it you can download it to your calendar so you never miss an opportunity to pick up some of those pearls on a call with Dallas. So my friend always good have a terrific week thanks to talk to you next week