38 - Doing vs. Being: The Secret to Helping Her Find Her Feminine Again

Ever watch your date sprint to the hostess stand while you’re still catching up to the curb? We’ve been there—and we’re turning that awkward start into a playbook for calm leadership, real connection, and dates that feel lighter for both of you. We explore the heart of modern dating for divorced dads: helping a woman shift from doing to being by offering safety, structure, and steady presence.

We break down the foundations that actually invite feminine energy: consistency that builds trust, decisiveness that removes friction, and the subtle power of “thank you” when she lets you lead a moment. You’ll hear practical moves—planning with clarity, opening the door without performing, walking curbside—and a deeper mindset shift from controlling to inviting. Instead of fixing every problem, we show you how to hold space with “message received” cues, let her complete the emotional arc, and then anchor it through touch, not more talk.

We also tackle the hard parts: what to do when your cup is full, how to be honest about low energy without losing your frame, and when to decide a dynamic isn’t a fit. Along the way, we talk radical accountability, the quiet confidence that comes from competence, and the surprising advantage fathers carry into dating. If you’ve ever wondered how to turn long rants into real closeness, or how to be playful without losing your edge, this conversation hands you scripts, mindsets, and repeatable steps you can use tonight.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a dad who needs it, and leave a quick review. It helps other men find the tools to lead with calm, connect with heart, and have a lot more fun out there.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Hello and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorce, the only podcast that helps you navigate the dating pool when you spent the last decade more concerned with this with the quality of suspension of a minivan than your game. My name is Jude Sandoval, and I am the founder of the Divorced Advocate. That one didn't roll so quite quite so smoothly. My co-host is the incomparable Dallas Blut of Black Box Dating. How are you doing, Dallas? I'm confused, Jude.

SPEAKER_04 0:53

I don't understand the axle on the minivan analogy. Can you can you spell it out for me?

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Suspension on the minivan. I mean, I don't know that anybody cares about the axles on a minivan, but the suspension on the minivan can have a lot to do with the quality of how your kids get to sleep when you're trying to drive them if it isn't just a mess. Like seriously, the quality of the suspension of vehicles is a big thing for dads.

SPEAKER_04 1:19

So let me let me throw out there for anybody listening to this podcast episode for the first time. I do not have children and I have never been married. So yeah, the the suspension on a minivan is probably in the bottom five percent of my personal priorities.

Defining Doing Versus Being

SPEAKER_00 1:33

And for us dads, the our game was in the bottom five percent of our priorities for a long time. So hence the the the setup for uh for our podcast today. Okay, so so let's let me set this up a little a little more. We've we've all okay, maybe not all of us, but lots of us listening who have been dating now a little bit, have had that experience where, okay, we maybe show up to the restaurant and she jumps out of the car. And if you can get to the door of the restaurant fast enough to open it, you've at least opened the door for her. But then she goes in through there, runs up to the host in, party of two, walks her way to the and then sits down in their chair. Okay, right. So the challenge we have as as dads dating after divorce with the dating pool that we're we're swimming in these days is that a lot of women have have just had to, started to, been conditioned to really be in their masculine, really be the ones that are taking charge, doing things, scheduling things. Like I said, some of it is some of it by necessity, some of it's by design, some of them literally I've had conversations with and have no clue that they're that they're that they're doing this until I just kind of politely like talk about it. So so what what I want to chat about today is how when we mentioned it last week, so we we we set it up last week, is how do we help women to relax into their feminine when they're we're they're with us? And let me just clearly state we're not trying to change anybody, we're not trying to change anything or anybody, like we want to show up in our masculine, and by doing so, we want to there are ways, and so we're getting into a little more of a deeper dive today, uh, dads, ways that we in our masculine, we can help them to relax into their feminine. So thoughts before we roll.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

Yeah, and to sound like a broken record over and over and over again, we're inviting the woman to step into her feminine. The more we're in our masculine, the more we have our frame, the more we're cool, calm, collected, established, and just rolling like like a boss of a man does. That is the invitation to let her relax and slip into her feminine. And we have to bring that presence in order in order for that invitation to be effective.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Right. So let's define relaxing in the feminine. And so it's not it's not gender roles. So, like I just mentioned, like opening the door and stuff like and stuff like that. So it it's not about defining gender roles, it's about creating an environment where she feels this is how I'm describing it, and then I want your feedback. Creating an environment where she feels safe enough to stop stop doing and start being. So that's kind of the definition that that I'm working from. You want to add to that, delete from that? I'll just repeat it because it was damn good. Okay.

Why Many Women Lead With Masculine

SPEAKER_04 4:52

The masculine is focused on what, on doing, and the feminine is focused on being. That that's exactly where it's at. And when a woman is in her masculine space, the the picture that you painted, she needs to get to the door, she needs to pass for the table at the hostess stand, she needs to get there, she's doing, doing, doing, doing. Rather than just being this beautiful, feminine, soft creature who's just experiencing the evening with you. Yeah, that that that's exactly what it is. It's doing versus being.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Oh, wait, but Dallas, did you just say that that is all a woman is is a beautiful, soft creature?

SPEAKER_04 5:33

That is all that that is what she enjoys the most in herself, and that is what a man enjoys most when it comes out in her. In today's society, let's let's start with this. It's very fair that a lot of women are in their masculine in today's society in the United States, because let's be honest, a lot of men are not in their masculine. And when a man is not in his masculine, when when the guys walking around in the society are basically playing video games, watching porn, and eating a ton of fast food, that's not very masculine. And we still need to get jobs done, especially in the parenting world. Well, women are going to pick up the slack and do what needs to happen. And the consequences of that is that woman is going to tend to assume more masculine traits inside of herself, and she's going to be less soft because that's what's required of the job. So I I just want to I just want to for for any for any women that are listening to this or hearing about it secondhand, ladies, I'm not blaming you for being in your masculine. There's obviously reasons that that women feel the need to be in their masculine. And as men, we need to not get angry at them for being there. Again, what I what I mentioned right away in the podcast is we want to invite them naturally to step out of that masculine headspace of doing and hard charging and and and taking control and slip into a place where the the feminine where they really want to be. And my bottom line of where women want to be, and I have had a 100%, I believe it's 100%, confirmation from women, and it has been many dozens, possibly in the hundreds at this point, of women that have confirmed. What a woman wants to feel when a woman is in her optimal state is light-hearted. She feels happy, she feels carefree. And in when she's in that state, she feels like a little girl, she feels youthful, she feels carefree. That that is the goal that we're going for. That that is what we're trying to help her rediscover in herself that's hidden underneath the masculine, hard-charging, gotta do attitude.

The Goal: Lightness And Carefree Energy

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Right. And that was my point is that we're not describing that a woman just has to show, like, show up and be pretty and be feminine. What we're looking for is the the to to move her to assist her to move into what you just described, that that feeling of lightness, that feeling of femininity and and and not having to be masculine. Another thing I want to add to what you said is it's it's just natural in divorce because we are then single parenting with with our kiddos to have to, and it and it's for the dads too. So I want to acknowledge to the dads listening, we have to get in our feminine a lot because we're daddy and mommy half of the time, and half the time the woman is daddy and mommy also. And so it gets very complicated, guys, and I understand that and respect that. So when you when we talk about this stuff, we talk about it very easily. Well, we should be in your masculine, da-da-da. It's really hard for us, it's really hard for them. So acknowledging that it's hard for you sometimes to really get centered and grounded and in your masculine before you show up, I I want to do that. But you also need to know that you have to be conscious of that and you have to prepare yourself before you show up in order to then be able to help her to move into her feminine because she may not be at all aware of what she's doing. And I would say, by and large, Dallas, the majority of women in our society just don't understand or recognize the you know, the the the masculine and feminine dynamics that that are going in. They kind of just go at the flow, they've been patterned at this point, and and and and now they just kind of think this is just the way that is or how it should be, et cetera. And so it makes it challenging, guys, but it is also an opportunity. Like we're guys, we like challenges, so the challenges are good, and it creates opportunity for us to be and do something that maybe nobody else has ever ever done for her in in her life. So that is that is a huge thing.

SPEAKER_04 9:46

Yeah, uh, for a lot of women have not experienced real good quality masculinity, especially in a romantic context. And when they do, they don't let go of that man and he's off the market. That it is something that that is very rare for women to experience, just the same way that in a that a lot of men, it's rare to experience a woman who's truly in her carefree feminine place inside. You know, it's radiance. I I really want to come back and repeat this femininity is not about looking pretty, it's not about wearing high heels, it's not about being passive. It's about being carefree, it's about being spontaneous, about being emotional, about about being feeling and about being nurturing. It's it's it's much deeper qualities that are not what you see in magazine ads. I don't say magazine ads. Nobody looks at magazines anymore. It's what we see in advertisements, it's it's just not.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:42

Let me also mention that you you talked about how we have to understand as dads that we have to transition from some of those feminine elements in us, because we have to be daddy and mommy at home, into a more masculine place when you're changing context into a dating scenario. Right. You have to understand that that's 100% true. We have to have patience for ourselves and realize it takes time to transition into that mode. Realize she's coming from the same place. She probably wants to let go of the masculine qualities. She probably wants to transition and would love to transition into a feminine place, even if she's not consciously aware of it, instinctively, very most women want to be in that place. Most of them do. We have to give her time to transition into it. And especially we have to give her time to transition into it in our presence. So we show up very masculine. We've got this wonderful frame. Don't expect her to just drop into her feminine in the first 10 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Oh, you're here, Dallas.

Foundations Of Safety And Consistency

SPEAKER_04 11:44

You're so masculine. Yeah. Don't expect no, it doesn't. Until until she has until she has seen that you are consistent in this. Yeah. When you show up date after date after date, and you've had five or six dates, and it's like, oh man, when I'm with this guy, I I just relax. And I I want to actually context switch this because this this is the source of the real core of my coaching program. It has nothing to do with women, actually.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Right.

SPEAKER_04 12:15

I when I look at masculine traits that are truly effective, I look at how my masculinity and the masculinity of other men affects other men. That is where we can actually see it. When you see a bunch of guys that are really, you know, let's seal team six, you know, a bunch of guys that really are in their masculine, they are doers, they take care of any situation, they're the solution to no matter what happens. When they're in the company of each other, they relax.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 12:47

Because they know that everybody else is taking care of them and they're taking care of them, and everybody can relax. We're not talking really, I guess that is feminine energy that you're relaxing, but but that's the effect of it. When you when we describe that scenario that you painted at the beginning of the episode, sorry, don't want to let you jump in there if you want to.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Yeah, well, what I was gonna say is you're you're so good because that's my very first point was the consistency, the consistency. But what what what what you're describing with the SEAL team six and what I think with with women too is building a foundation of safety, right? So in the the masculine thing, if you know you're with another, there's a foundation of safety there, you feel comfortable enough to just you know relax. Yeah, so it's a it's a foundation. So it's not I wouldn't even say that it's that it's that it's feminine, because if you've built that foundation of safety for anybody, other men around you or a woman, then and you're consistent with that, everybody's gonna relax. And and dads, this is this is true for your kids too. This is huge, huge for your kids. And if you want to, if you want to start somewhere, start this foundation, this consistency, the consistency that you said, that was what the first one on my my list. The hot and cold kills, you know, kills that. Because if you're hot and you're cold, you know, that that it would that will kill any kind of foundation of of safety for your kids, for for your for your dates, it's et cetera. So you never and you don't want anybody thinking, well, where does he stand, or what is he gonna, you know, you need to have that consistency. You need to be the same today as you were yesterday, tomorrow as you were today, and just keep that level.

SPEAKER_04 14:31

100%. Yeah, that it's very well said. You you build the foundation in yourself, it is rock solid, and then you present it consistently over and over and over again, and other people in your presence relaxing, that's the natural response to real, true, healthy masculine energy.

Decisiveness And Structure That Attract

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Yep. And then the next one that that that uh I I believe is important is decisiveness, right? So not being, you know, not being the person that's like, well, what do you want to do? And I and so Dallas, it's really interesting. So you might have an eye, might not have well, you you have some context with this, but so much of this stuff I learned by parenting my kids better. So the the so the thing with with with kids and being decisive with them and not being like, well, what do you want? Like, if you ask a kid what he wants, they're they're they're basically they basically are in their feminine, like one of them is gonna say hot dog, one of them's gonna say mac and cheese, one of the like they're gonna have a hundred different things. But if you're decisive, that that does it, that leads things in a whole whole different way. And that's the same way. Again, you're building that foundation of safety with them, you're building that foundation of safety with with a with a woman, and if you do that consistently, that's you know, that's gonna help her to get away from that doing, right? If she doesn't have to make the plan, then she's gonna be able to be in that feminine. Absolutely relax into it.

SPEAKER_04 15:58

Yeah, children crave structure, they absolutely crave it. Children without structure do not grow up to be very good adults most of the time. Well, Dallas, can I say I I believe that women crave tru I think I believe we all crave. Okay, okay, yeah. Okay, go ahead. Sorry. Yeah, children crave structure and and the masculine frame by definition, it's a frame, it is structure. It it is it is four walls and a roof that that you're like, great, okay, this is inside, this is sheltered, this is protected, this is safe. Outside is outside, it's the wild. Children love to have that structure because they know they just inherently know that they're fine. I believe very much the feminine also craves that same structure because when it encounters that structure, it is very attracted to it. Women respond to it. Absolutely. Yeah.

Anger, Ideology, And Staying Grounded

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Yeah, and that's why it makes me crazy when I hear these women going on about smash the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It's so stupid. It is like it is. I'm just like, you're such a useful idiot because you don't have any understanding of one biology, physiology, like how the masculine works, what that has done to bring us to where we're at now in our society, how that benefits you. Like you come up with this stupid slogan, and if you would understand how you could, like how you could, how well, number one, how you already benefit from it, but like how you can work in it to like have this amazing because when you have that structure with somebody who has built that foundation of safety and and is consistent and and shows up decisively, and then the next one I was going to talk about is physical and emotional security, right? Uh when you find somebody like that, and then you and then you marry that with the feminine, the being, and all the amazing things that you described in the beginning, man, that is unbelievably powerful. So smashing one or the other of them is the dumbest possible thing you could do. I agree.

Invitation Over Control: Small Gestures

SPEAKER_04 17:55

I agree. And if as a man you are angry about the feminine movement trying to come up with a solution because there's a lack of masculinity in the society, and there is truth to the point of view that you're saying. The emotion behind it, though, that that is toxic in a dating context. When you're feeling frustrated, when you're feeling angry, even if you're not expressing it on the surface, if you feel it at other times, she is not gonna trust you. Because that's a man that's not being totally honest. If you're not voicing those frustrations in front of her, she knows that you're not being totally transparent and that you're a bomb waiting to go off in some senses. And the trick is, the trick is, well, I mean, you could you could let it out in front of her, that's not gonna go so well. But the the trick, in my opinion, the the trick for me is to understand and have compassion for how we got here, for how she got there, for why this makes sense. I'm gonna bring it back because I love the picture that you painted of the woman hopping out of the car, going up to the front door, going to the host stand. I'm I the first thing I'm gonna do is let her do it. I'm gonna let her spend that energy. That's the first thing I'm gonna do. I'm gonna let her see that I'm fine with her behaving however it is that she feels she needs to behave. Because if I'm if I'm now like wrestling for the steering wheel, so to speak, with her, if I'm trying to get in the driver's seat and she's in the driver's seat, well, honestly, both of us are not being very masculine in that moment. Because SEAL team six doesn't act that way. When when somebody needs to be, oh, I gotta do this, I gotta be in charge. Let's say it's a younger man and we're an older man, we seem like, fine, go ahead, dude. You know, if you have to be there, if you have to be doing things, that that's a younger form of masculinity. That's a less mature form of masculinity. That's a that that's not a true deep masculine frame. That's just kind of, you know, young, young buck energy that's coming out.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 19:55

And for me, if I see a woman with young buck energy like that, I'm like, okay, fine. I'm gonna, I'm gonna let her spend that and see that I'm in no rush following behind her, and that I'm going at my own pace. And you know, I'm sort of implicitly saying, what's the rush, girl? Like, where are we off to? And yeah, because I believe in her in her instincts. Deep inside, she wants to be moving at that speed, the speed that I'm moving.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Well, and so then you're saying that eventually you're gonna have the opportunities to to demonstrate that physical physical and emotional security. So there will come a time where she's not fast enough to get to that door, and you'll be able to open it for her and have her feel comfortable or get to that that hostess stand and before her and be able to take the lead. Or just the the fact that she'll figure out that you've planned the date and then start to relax into that or walk on the right side of the row of the of the sidewalk or other small things like that that are going to start building that that foundation of safety and security for her.

Thank You As A Masculine Signal

SPEAKER_04 20:55

So so dude, I I I I'm a words guy and I'm not trying to pick on the words, but I hear what you're saying. There's a certain plan of how it should be, and her and she will eventually catch on to it. I don't like to impose my structure on a woman. That for me is not the type of masculine energy that women like. I'm inviting, I'm offering, and I know how I like to experience things, and I'm waiting to see whether or not she likes the way this feels. I am not, I in my mind, I am not waiting to see if she gets that. I'm not waiting to see if she catches on. What I am looking for, what I am waiting for, are opportunities where I can where where I am doing something masculine and I feel her slip a little bit into it. And in that moment, the magic words that I say as a man, paradoxically, are thank you. Okay. Thanks for letting me do that. Thank you for letting me get the door for you. I really enjoy doing that. Notice I'm not speaking about her behavior. Or I should say I'm not criticizing her behavior or waiting for it. I'm thanking her for the experience that that behavior gave me.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Right. Well, it exactly. So I mean, I think we're saying the same thing, just in in different terms. But but if they don't know and don't understand, so like I pointed out in the beginning, it's the same as if you're, let's say, you're you're technically. And you have bad form. You just don't know that you have bad form unless you either have the time to figure it out or you watch and you come to realization, or somebody guides you to invites you, as you're saying, invites you to the uh a better way in order to hit that jump shot. Let's say. So what you're saying, and and I think what what I was getting to is that there you're going to be able to like one of the things that I'll say if she's like jumping out of the car, I'll put my hand on her knee and I'll say, Hey, do me a favor, just sit tight and relax for a minute. I'm gonna come around and get you know, get your door. Yeah. And then and then it's never, it's never ever a question after that. Like sometimes it'll be actually end up being a joke because it'll be so patterned to like just jump out of the door. And then like I've literally had women like open the door and then they close it again and wait for me. Like on a like like on a on like on a further date, and they're like, Oh, you know, like they're just on like trying to undo that, like that those neural pathways that they're just used to they're just used to to to doing. So I think we're saying this, I think we're saying the same, the the same thing. Obviously, I say it not in not as smooth a way as you usually say it, but but it's in again, it is in inviting her. And then but my but then also to the to your point, if well, if if it isn't to where you're comfortable and you've kind of done these things, then you kind of know that this isn't for you, right? Like if she just can't get out of her masculine or she's just not going to, if she's this is the and and that's and that's not comfortable for you, and you want a feminine woman, then this is just not for you.

Emotional Presence Beats Fixing

SPEAKER_04 23:59

Yes, right, yes. And and and that is part of maintaining your structure as a man, maintaining your frame, saying we're not interfacing, you're not you're not responding, because again, the the masculine invites, the feminine responds. You're not responding to my invitations the way that I'm looking for a woman to respond to them. And and that's where you make your decisions, and you're saying, Nope, this this isn't gonna work for me. This isn't the structure that I that this isn't the uh the dynamic that I'm looking for now. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

So that's so that's kind of the the the first kind of the first part of it is building that foundation. The second part I want to talk about is emotional presence and active listening, right? We guys want to fix stuff all the time, right? So the one of our and especially his dads, right? Because we might be all day fixing things with our kids, which we shouldn't be doing. That's another that's a that's a podcast episode. You can go listen at Divor the Divorced Advocate, where we we talk about how not to fix kids' stuff. But like when she's venting about stuff, when she's talking about stuff, this is another thing that we can create like a space for an opportunity for her to be, and we don't have to do something with that. Correct. Yeah, she's talking about yeah, help us through that because yeah, this is a big one for us guys, especially if we were codependent, like we probably were in our marriages, and that's why our marriages potentially didn't work out, and now we're repeating that same same potential thing in another relationship.

Technical Glitch And Reset

SPEAKER_04 25:38

So let's start with the fact that when a woman is talking and sharing and even talking a lot, let's recognize that that's actually the feminine side of her speaking and not the masculine side. Now, if she's if she's talking about what's right and wrong in the world, that's more of a masculine trait. But if she's talking about what's going on in her life and she's jumping around with stories and this coworker, and you don't even know the names that she's bringing up, when she's doing all that, realize that's a feminine voice. That is her inviting you to be masculine in the presence of her feminine. And you how how well or poorly you respond to her sharing and her slipping into the feminine is going to either encourage her to continue to slip into it, or it's going to it's going to buffet her back and into her masculine because she's going to think, well, this guy doesn't know how to hold a frame. He doesn't know how to listen well. That that's the first thing I'd say is most guys are like, oh my gosh, why do I have to listen? You know, to her talk about this and talk about it. So I I think we'd mentioned this in the past. I it it's it's a topic that comes up in my coaching fairly regularly. Um I'll try and give a brief overview of this. Women have an emotional buildup inside of them very analogous to the way that men have a sexual buildup in them. Men, when we have that sexual buildup, we need the release. Women, when they have that emotional buildup, they need that release. It's that simple. A lot of the ways that women experience that release is through talking. That's a lot of what helps them regulate themselves. And you might be like, Well, Dallas, well, she's got all her girlfriends and mothers and sisters and stuff like that and daughters. Like, why can she not just regulate herself in those situations? I've had clients ask me this.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

Yeah.

Message Received: Active Listening Cues

SPEAKER_04 27:20

Well, fair question. Well, yeah, it is a fair question. And she, and let's just say she is regulating herself, most likely, in those situations, but she's regulating herself to the feminine. The feminine is regulating her emotional needs to the feminine. Here, she's presenting it to the masculine, different kind of regulation. It's the other, it's the other half that hasn't been regulated quite the way she needs it, you know, which eventually does lead to the bedroom. That's that's also part of the regulation emotionally. That that she doesn't get that from the feminine energy, she needs that from the masculine energy. Now, the question is, what is the unique regulation that the feminine energy gets when when she's opening up and sharing to the masculine? Because it's going to be very different. So you are absolutely 100% right. We she is not sharing with us because she wants us to fix her problem. She doesn't want us to do what the masculine's always trying to do. We're always trying to do and fix. But she does want to share herself with a doer. So I'm sitting across the table, I'm listening, and I'm like, yeah, uh-huh. I know, yeah, that those situations are really tough. You know, that's there. Notice in this, you know, lame example of language, I'm not fixing anything. I'm listening, I'm receiving, but I'm receiving as a doer man that is ready to fix at any moment. I'm SEAL team six. Nobody has said go. Nobody, I'm not in action at this point, but I'm taking in all the information. And she knows that I am a high-level masculine operative ready to fix things when it is the right opportunity. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

So is it fair to then ask the question do you want me to do you want a solution, or do you want me to comment on this, or do you just want me to listen?

SPEAKER_04 29:12

Because so let me ask you, like, as a man, how masculine do you feel when you say that right now? Imagining the scenario.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Imagine the scenario? Well, because I've been on both ends of that, like, well, like, why aren't you saying anything or why aren't you doing anything? That's why it's like, oh, well, you know, I'm I'm happy to comment or I'm I'm happy to give you input if you want, or I mean I mean I'm here to listen. And sometimes I've been on the other end where I misread that and was like, and it's like, I just need you to listen. Like, yeah, it's not as it's not that easy. Like, it sounds easy to just like be able to pick up on like how I can be an active, you know, an active participant in this conversation without solving problems, or just be an active listener in the conversation.

Managing Your Capacity Without Blame

SPEAKER_04 30:04

Okay, so let's pretend, let's let's switch the scenarios for a minute. Okay, let's go back to just men and men to really clean up the whole thing. Okay, let's let's say I am a 28-year-old entrepreneur, I'm working on something, and you know, my my marketing is not on point and I'm really struggling. Or let's say my yeah, let's say my marketing is not on point. And I have a 55-year-old mentor in business, and I've got all this nervous energy as the younger entrepreneur, and he has all of this wisdom and success and financial establishment, and and he and he's enjoying having the value and impact of mentoring a younger man like me. Okay. When I come up to that meeting, I'm blah baddy blabbity blah about all the problems and all the details and all the thoughts and all the craziness. Now, do I want that man to say nothing during that conversation? Do I want that man to jump in immediately after I've shared one or two things and go, well, okay, here's the thing that here's the thing you need to fix? Or do I want that man to acknowledge that he's hearing the message and go, Yeah, I remember that. Yep, that's happened to me before. I remember that. It basically what he's saying is message received, message received, message received. I understand, I'm relating, I've got it, I've got it. And you wait until the the younger man, you know, this entrepreneur, until I am spent. I have gotten all of it out on the table. And then I that in itself, I feel better. I'm as as the younger man, I'm like, okay, he's heard the whole thing. And along the way, he told me in various ways message received. So that's not passive, that's active listening. It's not fixing. And he might, you know, in this situation, it's a business situation. Whoops.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Wow, we just lost. Oh, we just lost Dallas. So that was abrupt and strange. So let's let's take a quick break here at uh at this point and for this message, and we'll be right back. All right, we are back after a brief technical difficulty. So yeah, and actually now that I'm starting the recording again, I don't know what happens with that other recording, Dallas. So this is gonna be a fun thing to figure out. Maybe we just break it up in two separate. So maybe maybe it'll be like, okay, that was this, that was this week's, and then we're gonna do this. Is gonna be next week. So I don't know. We'll figure something out, guys. You know, it's just always fun and exciting when you're here with Dallas and I. So not only the the pearls of wisdom, but the the the the the the old the old guide technological challenges.

SPEAKER_04 34:02

And and let's not forget the original, the original new analogy just to launch every episode, you know, that has the suspension of your minivan. Okay, so let me see if we can I kind of pick off because I'd like to bring it back full circle. So I was a young entrepreneur, I'm coming to an older man, and I want to be sure that he's hearing all of it. I want to be sure that I'm able to get out all of my concerns, they're out on the table. I have a sigh of relief just by being able to get it all out in the ear of and of a of a of a man who knows how to solve things, of a man who has the answers. That's why I have him as a mentor. Right. That getting it all out and he's listening, that makes me feel better. And what I want to know is that the message has been received by him while I've been sharing it. That's the most important thing.

Let The Emotional Release Finish

SPEAKER_00 34:51

So can we call that acknowledgement? So that you want you want to provide some sort of acknowledgement that that you're listening, and part of that is maybe commenting or asking questions or or something. And then being like the biggest thing is just being present, right? Keeping eye contact, listening, not checking your phone, not like looking around the restaurant, not falling asleep.

SPEAKER_04 35:16

Well, I yeah, though those are all great. And I would say the words like acknowledgement and you know being present. I I I consider that to be rather feminine terminology for these words. I think the more masculine term is did you hear what I was saying? What's the message received? I got you. I heard you. We're good. That those are for me the messages that as a man, I'm like, I just want to know you heard what I said. Yeah, I got you. I know how long to cut the two by four. You know, I need to know that you heard me. Acknowledgement, yeah, but on a very basic primal level. And again, we want women to experience our masculinity on a primal level, not at an intellectual level, not at a thinking level. We want them to experience and slip into it. So coming back, coming back to the situation.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

Well, let me ask you a quick question though, because I know that I know that I struggle like with this sometimes when she's just going on and on and on. And and and look, I am like, I've got a thicker skin around this because I got three daughters. So I've like dealt with this for for now years and years, and they're all teens. Well, all two of them now are, but and and like she's going on and on, and like I'm trying to be an active listener. And yeah, like so. What does that look like in you know being masculine and active listener and just getting worn down to where you want to just crawl under the table?

From Talk To Touch: Anchoring Safety

SPEAKER_04 36:41

I can I can see I can see your life as a dad of three daughters, and I'm like, holy cow, this guy's been whoo, yeah. So, okay, the person, the person we have to check in with first is ourself as a man. That's how we maintain masculine frame, as we check in with ourself. So the woman is sharing for three, four minutes, five minutes about something that's going on at work. Listen, you know, make sure that you're you're listening to what she says, give small indications that you hear what she's saying, messages received. I'm listening, I'm there. She keeps going for 12, 15 minutes about the same story, and you're like, boy, I don't know how much more I can take. Okay, that's an honest statement with me and myself as a man. I don't know how much more I can take. And I and this has nothing to do with her. This is not this is not a reflection of she should know that or not. I need to know that. And what I need to do is jump in and go, hey, hang on a second. I really appreciate you sharing all this, but my cup's getting pretty full here. I'm I'm not sure how much more I can take in right now. Notice I'm not talking about her speech, I'm not talking about what she's doing. I'm talking about my capacity as a man. I can only take notes for so long, and then I gotta break, I gotta, I gotta save the notes, I gotta write it to disc, I I gotta something. This isn't a matter of, you know, how long should I be able to listen to as a man? It's it's me monitoring my own capacity as a man. And obviously your capacity should not be zero, your capacity should not be 30 seconds, your capacity. I'm just making it clear. Your capacity should be something over five minutes and you know, go up. Something less than an hour. And less than an hour, yeah. And check in way less than an hour, and and check in with and check in with yourself, and you know, because this woman might be lost in her own ruminations, she might be she might be spinning herself up and going in circles and all that. And when I say, hey, you know, I've you know, I've I've you you know, I this I can't take in more at the moment, you know, and you just like you need to do it. And me doing that and recognizing on my end, that might help her regulate on her and go, oh wow, yeah, I've been rambling, I've been going on. Now notice I didn't tell her she was. Notice I'm not even thinking that she is. I'm simply monitoring my own masculine frame and going, hey, whoa, whoa, time out. We I need a chance to to stop. And and so then when we get to the stop, whether I've stopped her or whether she stopped, the question is, you know, do I fix do I ask her if she wants me to fix it or not? If you've been acknowledging that you've been receiving that message, power in the pause, man. I mean, I would I would almost say power play is make her ask for it if that's what she wants.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Yeah. Well, and yeah, okay. So so you're yeah, so you're saying then then she's pro she may say, what do you think, right, after the 30-minute diatribe. She might, but but let's but let's not. And that might just be skipping over the most important part.

SPEAKER_04 39:56

The most important part is she got it out, and she already feels better because she got it out.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

Right.

SPEAKER_04 40:02

Dude, enjoy that, man. Like, like, like certainly. She might just want to make out then. Exactly. You know, and and and one of the no absolutely. I'm not kidding.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

No, I'm not gonna laugh about it, but like she might just want to make out then.

SPEAKER_04 40:15

Right, and one of the best things for you to do in that moment is maybe not to make out with her, but it's for you to reach out physically to her rather than verbally. She's been letting it all out. She might be like, oh my gosh, how long have I been talking? I don't know. I got in this state again. Let's feel good that she got into that feminine place where she's actually behaving this way. Yeah, that's a good sign.

Playfulness From Deep Competence

SPEAKER_00 40:37

Right. That's a good I so I like that reframe. Can I just stop you there? Is if she is doing this, then that could be a green flag for you, guys. So if you can reframe that of less less about like, oh my god, do I gotta listen to this? How much longer? Like, I'm I'm at my capacity, right? And I and I know you say like try to reframe that, but it doesn't always like I just want to acknowledge the guys because uh like it doesn't always register in in me of like, oh, I'm hitting my capacity. It registers in like, dude, can we just get to the end of this conversation and like talk about something else?

SPEAKER_04 41:16

And I like it's just yeah, but which one of those two feels more like a solid man inside you?

SPEAKER_00 41:24

It depends on how much energy I've showed up with, right? So and it all and it all it all starts from there. So if I've shown up in my with the energy that I need to be able to get through that, then then yes, it registers like, oh, okay, great. She got you know, she was able, she felt comfortable enough to talk. If I don't show up in the energy to be able to do that, then it comes off like like can we just stop and like either go home or start making out?

SPEAKER_04 41:52

Right? Like, yeah. And and and saying, well, can let's stop, let's do this, let's shift. That's not I as a man showing up with a proper frame, right? I'm trying to find a frame with her. I'm not fully in my masculine, and when I'm not fully in my masculine, how much can I really expect this woman to soften and slip into her feminine? I mean, yeah, that like, and and this is the thing that like, I mean, if you want to lead a woman, lead by example of how you want to be. You have to go first, no excuses. You can't you can't say, Well, you're supposed to be doing this because I'm kind of like if if I show up and I'm tired, I'm not in my game or whatever, well, guess what? My cup can't take as much. And I acknowledge and go, hey, you know, I'm really exhausted from this week, just to let you know. And and it's fine. That is I'm I'm telling the world what they can expect from me.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

Yeah, and I think that's a really important thing to let the dads know because we do with the busy lives that we have and stuff going on and kids, and maybe you have sick kids and a pain in the ass boss at work, and and then you got a date planned, and you just are not at the you know, you're not at the top, right? You don't you don't have that that energy. Yes. Just just know that and acknowledge that. And and then maybe maybe alter the environment or the plan that you have for that so that you're not setting yourself up for failure around uh around the situation, and and just be open and upfront about that. Because I think that is gonna, that is going to it's gonna help with what we've talked about, building that foundation and then also creating that that container or space, but it's also gonna be, like you said, leading with some vulnerability, like I'm not super dad. Absolutely that was a big problem for me. Like, I just I can't today is yes really not been great.

SPEAKER_04 43:49

Yeah, I mean, I I love the airplane analogy with the oxygen masks. When the oxygen masks drop, they tell you put on your own oxygen mask before you try to put on someone else's. You need to be sure that you are not gonna die.

SPEAKER_02 44:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:05

Before you go looking after others, you need to make sure you know where you are. And if you are in a less optimal state, you have less energy, you have less patience, you you you have less competency in a certain area, you're human. Like you're the the idea behind being masculine is not that you're superman. The idea when you're masculine is that you are the optimal version of yourself as a man, and that you are always improving and always growing, and that you are leading with all of the qualities that you want the world to see. Eckhart Tolle has a fabulous line. Whatever I think the world is withholding from me, I am withholding from the world.

SPEAKER_02 44:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:46

That is one of the most fundamentally masculine perspectives you can have on the world. Stop pointing your finger at the world going, oh, well, it doesn't have this, it doesn't have that. I'm the one that has to provide it. That's the basic component of a provider protector.

Readiness, Men’s Groups, And Support

SPEAKER_00 45:00

Yeah, it's like the the the the comp the concept of massive accountability, right? Like accountability for everything that has happened. Yes, it emanates from you and how you're showing up and the work that you've done. I don't remember the author or the the popular guy that that does that. Maybe it's Jacko Willink or somebody like that that that has that. It's like radical, I think he calls it radical accountability. You are accountable for every situation that is showing up in your life. And so take, you know, take take heed of that and then. And adjust accordingly.

SPEAKER_04 45:36

And yeah, and and it's hard to do that. It's challenging, it's difficult. And we're like, oh my gosh, all this is on me. But the the the the litmus test for it is how how proud do you feel of yourself as a man when you do that and go, you know, I'm in the wrong place when I'm on the date a date with this woman? When I take ownership as opposed to, well, can we just or let's? I feel powerless when I reframe it as a we situation. They both suck in different ways. They're both hard in different ways. The question is, which one resonates with you in the way that you want to feel? Because when you're feeling the way you want to feel, you're going to be the most attractive to that woman. And to the to the topic that we're talking about today, when you are resonating in the most attractive masculine version of yourself, that is going to be the best way to help the woman slip into her feminine.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

Yeah. And I'll and I'll say, Dads, if there's one thing to take from this from this episode, is take that, if you show up with that, that frame of mind that you have radical accountability about everything, you are going to be a one percent person that is that has shown up in her life. I guarantee it, because that is not the message that we get in society these days. This is not so what you said earlier. This is this is not happening, and is one of the reasons we've we've got a uh a vast vacuum of listlessness and and a lack of masculinity in in the world is because of that lack of accountability. So if you are radically accountable for everything, like that's gonna be a huge, huge thing. So yeah. So and that's a hard, it is a hard, hard thing to it is a hard, hard thing. And and I I I really want to I want to try to look up because this idea, I know at least in my life, going from and this is hard for also for for guys that are codependent to take that radical accountability upon stuff because it's always something that's something that has happened to you, and you're not taking accountable, you're not taking accountability for how you were showing up in the relationship. And so that's you know, we get this this whole well you were you you were, but it was but it was it the wrong way.

SPEAKER_04 47:54

You are well, you're taking accountability, but the problem is you're not taking accountability for how you feel, you're taking accountability for how somebody else feels.

SPEAKER_02 48:02

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_04 48:03

And we're speaking, I mean, I'm coming from that place. That that that is that has been you know the primary struggle that I've had as a man is learning how to step out of that codependent nice guy situation.

SPEAKER_03 48:13

Right.

Radical Accountability And Growth

SPEAKER_04 48:14

Okay, but let's let's bring it back though, because this this situation really, where a woman is sharing, again, let's let's say it again, this is a good sign because she is at behaving in a feminine way. She needs the emotional regulation that comes from the talking. Let her talk, invite her to talk. If you really want to be a boss, thank her for talking, thank her for sharing. You do that, you know, and monitor yourself if it gets to that point where it's after, I don't know, 10, 15, 20 minutes, and you're like, whoo, time out, girl. You know, my cup is full. I'm not sure much more I can take it in. Thank you for sharing so much. You're validating her. You are encouraging. This is, you know, like you're encouraging the good behavior. This is feminine behavior. We want to encourage feminine behavior by saying thank you. And then I think shift into the physical for a minute. Like say, hey, can you come and sit over here next to me? I just want to hold your hand for a minute. Or you just hold her, you know, you look in her eyes and go, Yeah, that is. I've I've been there before.

unknown 49:13

Right.

SPEAKER_04 49:13

You know, thank you for thank you for sharing that with me. Or move it into something playful. Well, before yes, but before we get that, because again, she gets to the end of the conversation, she's feeling this release. We want to get maximum benefit for us having listened this whole time.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

I see kind of anchoring.

SPEAKER_04 49:33

Well, you're anchoring. You're you're you're letting her okay. I'm gonna bring it back to the sexual analogy. You're letting her finish her goddamn orgasm.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

Okay, she's having her emotional release. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_04 49:44

You're letting her finish the emotional release, the climax and letting it out. One, she has to have the sigh and let it out.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 49:53

And I'm saying thank you for feeling comfortable enough to release with me as a man. And then I'd love to hold your hand. You know, I wouldn't necessarily say it, I'd just reach over, hold her hand. I'd you're over there, and maybe she slips into an even more emotional place where it's non-verbal. Now she starts crying because maybe she was sharing something about her mom or about her daughter, or who knows what. And she doesn't know. And the whole point is we don't need to know verbally.

SPEAKER_02 50:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:20

But as a man, you know, and she's gonna say to her friends, I don't know how he just knew, but he just came over and he's put his arm around me. And after this, and then the release goes even deeper and deeper and deeper. That's like that's like if a man, you know, he he has an orgasm and then he's drifting off, and she's like, Well, you know, when are you gonna fix the faucet in the kitchen? And are you gonna do this? It's like, Jesus, like, let me enjoy my bliss for a minute. This is a very analogous situation. You want to let her experience it as deeply as possible.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 50:54

And fixing the problem, isn't it? Let that come back up and and and and and again, just to differentiate why she's sharing this with a man versus why she's sharing this with a woman. That is the feminine receiving and understanding and making her feel seen and heard and acknowledged and all those things. Here, I'm a doer, I'm a solver. Message received, message received all day long. I got you, babe. I got you, no matter what.

SPEAKER_02 51:19

Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 51:20

That's that's what a masculine man is doing. It's not, oh, let me fix the problem. No, that's stepping over the line, buddy. It's like that's going over the line.

SPEAKER_00 51:29

Okay, so and and so the way I describe everything that that you just summed up for us is just having a really solid emotional presence for her. Like we've built that foundation of safety and security we talked about in the beginning. This is building this emotional presence, this container for her to be able to relax into and have this be a green flag for you guys. And so the next thing I want to talk about then is like taking it to that next level to to getting her to that that being stage, right? Getting her to the not inviting her. If if she shared all the kind of break from like break from reality, that I mean she might not be. I mean, this might be a heavy, it might be a heavy conversation, right? Like we want to get her into the just the the being of where she is just feeling playful, like the stuff that you talked about is slowing down, isn't thinking about where the kids are, what they're doing, or what she has to do tomorrow, or any any of that. Like we just want her to be.

SPEAKER_04 52:39

Well, again, after she has shared, because again, there's an emotional buildup. After she has released that, we've come over, I I put my hand around, you know, on her thigh or around her, and I let her be silently now, and I let her slip into the emotion and feel safe, all of that. That that's what takes her there. Me, you know, and and then and then eventually she hits bottom. She, you know, she gets all the way there, and then she bounces back up. She comes back to life, she comes back out again. And you know it because, well, the look in her eye is different, you know, there's a change of topic, there's a change of pace. We've let her fully process it, we've let her fully release it, and she's unburdened herself with our assistance and our frame around it. Women don't want to be fixed, but women want to be in an environment that allows them to fix and regulate themselves. And the masculine frame is the environment in which that happens.

Fatherhood’s Edge And Hormones

SPEAKER_00 53:37

Right. So, yeah, and and so let's be clear. So we've we've kind of like focused on a conversation part of it, but this this emotional presence, this you know, this framework that you're uh that that you're bringing happens all the time. So it's not just in a conversation, it's happening when you know you're you're out on the date. So so I I I want to I want to widen it a little bit because we talked about the conversation, which is I think really important because a lot of the time this is where we get like, I know what I do, I get like screw things up real bad. So so it's good to have that real specific, but let's talk it in like in a general sense of that emotional presence all the time and how to take them then into that like that next that that that playfulness, that's uh just that that break from reality is really what I'm I'm describing it as that they're the and they don't even know it, right? They're just in their feminine then.

SPEAKER_04 54:33

Yes, yeah, yeah. You're slipping them into their feminine without them realizing it, right? You know, if they have the defenses up because that's what a lot of this masculine energy is. It's it's a defense, it's protecting themselves from the world. Well, you want to slip right on by it. And I've had so many women go, Dallas, how did you get around my missile defense system? What how did you get here exactly? And I'm I'm in this place and I'm doing things and I'm saying things, and you know, and I'm just here and I'm like, Do you really want me to tell you? Because because they don't. They we because if you if you acknowledge it and you go at it directly, it'll just break you know, the radar system is like, yes, we are we're functioning, we're working.

SPEAKER_00 55:12

Gotta relock on.

SPEAKER_04 55:14

Yeah, exactly. You do not want, you do not want her missile lock on you. You know, do not announce it. You you want to be playful, you want to slip around it. And again, this requires, in in my opinion, some of the deepest levels of your own masculine frame and energy. For me to have my life so established, so well together, so calm, cool, and collected that I can actually be playful, that's actually a very high level of achievement as a man.

unknown 55:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:44

And that's where you that's where you want your humor and playfulness to be coming from, is from a sense of deep, complete competence.

SPEAKER_00 55:52

Oh, that's a huge, that's a huge one, Dallas, because I think that the the dads that are listening would be like, man, I just I feel like I got the weight of the world on my shoulders sometimes. And if that's how you're if that's how you're showing up, and I know, look, I I I get it, guys. It's it's really it's really hard. So that's that's to our point that we talk about all the time. You need to be ready. You need to have done your work before you get out there because that's going to get picked up on immediately.

SPEAKER_04 56:24

And you need to, you need to let out those frustrations and doubts with other men. Um you can remind everybody here what our next ask a dating coach session is. Yeah, that's a lot, that's a lot of it. A lot of it is an opportunity for men to voice the challenges that they have that everybody else on the call also is having, either currently or at some point. And when we're able to release it, see that it's not the end of the world, and then be able to reframe it like we are right now, that is what helps you get to the place that you want to be when you're on the date of the woman.

Grace, Practice, And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 56:56

Yeah, and and and look, guys, it's not just when you're going through divorce or post-divorce. I I I I struggle sometimes with this too. Now, if I get if I get off or or work's weighing me down, or get kids are acting, like it's it's a constant, it's a constant thing. And that's why when you say Dallas, like the focus is on, like you need to have the focus internally on on you. If you focus on yourself eternal, if you have that radical accountability, the other everything that we're talking about talking about here and giving tips about, most of this stuff is gonna kind of is gonna, it's good to have tips, it's good to have like you know what you should should. Most of this stuff is gonna happen naturally because you are in you are in your masculine and it is and it's just like this this flowing nature. You know, they describe athletes describe it as a state of flow, you know, whatever different people describe it. You will be there, but it it takes it takes conscious effort to maintain that.

SPEAKER_04 57:59

And David Data said it really good at the beginning of his book, The Way of the Superior Man, the work is never done. Yeah, if you're expecting the work to be done, you're you're expecting to be frustrated throughout your life as a man. If you're expecting life to bring appropriate challenges to you so you can continue to grow bigger, faster, and stronger as a man, then you got a good mindset and you're going to be embracing it that way. You're going to be taking accountability, and you're going you're going to own the fact that there is no upper limit to how much of a boss you can be as a man. And when you bring that energy to the table, woman is like, I want to play with you. I yeah, that's the when when I, you know, when I'm across the table from a man as a man, when I'm across the table from a man like that, I I immediately get relaxed. I slip into his energy and it feels amazing. And I think, damn, if I was a woman, I wouldn't stand a chance, you know, to resist this guy with that energy.

SPEAKER_00 58:58

Yeah, I and dads, look, you've just been through one of the most difficult and challenging times, and you've come out on the backside. You are like, you are like a gladiator that has gone through a war. You're coming back to you know, your the village or Rome or wherever, victorious. Like, own that. We talked about that some episodes back about how you get this automatic credibility for being a dad and having gone through this, man. Own this and show up with this because it is like literally, it has changed you for the better. Whether you whether or not you consciously uh are aware of that, it is a huge, huge thing.

SPEAKER_04 59:39

100%. It it really, really is. Uh, I was listening to a podcast episode recently about the biological effects on men when they become fathers, when they hold their infant for the first time. And uh it was funny, it was a total reframe on one of the physiological shifts, and that was that when you become a dad, your testosterone level drops. I always heard that as a negative. Interesting. I always heard that as a negative, but in this particular podcast, they were reframing it in an entirely different way, where there were other elements, and it was so that you you're a better nurturing parent, basically.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:15

Makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:16

Yeah. But but there were other elements that they went into where when you take the whole cocktail of the physiological changes, you actually become a more enhanced man. And they were they were putting this analogous with how many of the the high-performing men that are out there, uh, CEOs, politicians, you know, the guys that really go far in in their careers and you know, and really like play a big, how many of them are married with children? And they were and they were asking the question of how much, not just a significant partner, but how much the process of having children was was correlational versus causational. And they were and and it's not entirely, I mean it's not entirely like provable one way or the other, but I really appreciated the argument that there was a causation, a shift in a man when he holds his child or multiple plural children for the first time, that there's a physiological shift. Gentlemen, bring that to the table because guys like me, Dallas, that don't have kids and have never been married are not bringing that to the table. You have a different hormonal cocktail inside of you that it really has the potential of making making women feel even more safe.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:27

Yeah, absolutely. Well, let's let's leave it at that because I don't think we can we can top it with that. So, you know, I just want you know, I want to I want to just remind the guys and I want to give you guys some some grace. We talk about so much stuff here, and we talk in such intimate detail here, and and and we have fun doing it. So I hope that you, I hope that you see that we we have fun doing it, but just also know that like we're like we're like doing this all the time, and you this is what you do as you as a as a living. And I've been working with with dads, and I'm 13 years down the road, and I've had like probably a thousand thousand dates since then, too. And so you know, just have some grace with yourself, keep listening to the show, keep showing up better today than you did yesterday, and and tomorrow than you did today, and and then and then just try to have fun with that and with your kids and and with dating because it is a lot of fun. Women can be tremendous and beautiful and wonderful. You are tremendous and beautiful and wonderful guys. Like just you know, go out there and and and have some fun with it.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:42

Thank you, dude. That is an extremely healthy and needed positive message for men to hear from a man like you. Thank you for that. Gentlemen, do not try to do this alone, do not do this in isolation. Men do not thrive like iron on iron, one man sharpens another. You need other men around you to fully activate and actualize and realize your full potential as a man. I have so much fun in our conversations, dude. I have even more fun when we do our Ask a Dating Coach sessions once a month, and the rubber really meets the road. I mean, full suspension of the minivan comes crashing down on those speed bumps, and the kids wake up and we have to deal with it. I those those are those are super fun for me because you and I, it it's not a top, it's not a discussion about a topic. It's not a discussion about how people go through it. We are having a discussion about what guys are really going through at the moment, at the level they are, and that is what I love to really connect with.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:43

Yep, and that's coming up next week, March 19th. So if you go to the divorced advocate.com, scroll to the bottom, you'll see the tab for the events page. You can download that directly to your calendar. And Dallas is is so is so generous with his time and spending uh uh time with us on that on that day to answer all of your questions, go through scenarios, like you get you get access to a world-class mind around dating and relationships. So highly, highly recommend jumping on that. I you know, we get guys and they're just like, wow, this is really, really awesome. So jump on that, guys, and also go to black box dating if you really want to up your game, take some radical accountability, go to black box dating and and jump into his whole community there.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:34

Please do, Jude. Would love to. Uh, one of my favorite things is when guys feel it, but they just don't know what to say in the situation. I love giving them words and they're like, ah, thank you. That's exactly what I needed. All right, Jude.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:46

I think that's but I need you, I need you like in my ear, like hitch, right? Yeah. Just uh give me those words. Yeah, we should do it. We yeah, we could do oh man, we could have some fun with that. What a shit show. Unfortunately, I don't know if I wanted you, I don't want you to see the shit show of my dating uh skills though. So we did I'd need some therapy before I did that.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:07

I I have been I have had clients ask me to do similar things, you know, be a plant in a coffee shop on a date, you know, for completely honest reasons, but I yeah, that no woman in the world would I that would that would burn everyone's reputation to the ground in doing that?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:24

So we don't still be kind of fun to do.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:27

We can imagine it all day long. It's a it's a great fantasy, it's a great release, but uh no, no, you gotta you gotta come with the calls and you gotta you gotta jump over to blackboxdating.com and jump in my mastermind sessions if you want to actually get the words. All right, Jude, it's been an awesome session. Talk to you next week.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:44

All right, take care, Dell.